How to become less child-centered, more balanced

[Snow]

I believe it was Kungfupanda in another thread that used the phrase "child-centered home" and that really stuck with me. We are completely unbalanced in our home...the kids see us as their playmates, and when dh and I both worked FT, this was okay with us. Now that I'm home, I can't keep it up and I'm starting to see more negatives than positives as a result. I'm not a "go play or i'll give you chores" kind of person, but I need more balance than I've got.

 

Any tips on how ease the kids' transition to not having their interests be the primary focus of the family all the time? DS has very limited interests, partly because he knows he can just wait for me to play instead of entertaining himself. He will even help me do chores if he thinks it means it will help me play with I'm faster. Basically, he likes playing pretend or sports. That's it. No Legos or building things, no crafts. Went for a 3hr hike and he came home wanting to play baseball. He goes to basketball practice and comes home wanting to play soccer. :ohmy: He is all action (and/or interaction), all the time. I am starting some short bits of quiet time so hopefully that will help.

 

So, what percent of the day does your young elementary child spend playing with you vs entertaining himself? School doesn't take us very long and I'm so worn out...I feel like there are too many hours in the day to try to fill for them.

 

To say he thinks the world revolves around him is an understatement, and its not his fault, dh and i unknowingly made it that way. Help :(

[Snow]

Thanks Wendy. It's hard to figure out if I just have unrealistic expectations or if, as you said, I just need to stick it out.

 

He's just exhausting!

[Snow]

It's quite unfathomable to him that I can't play pretend puppies for hours :rolleyes:

[Mommyof4ks]

I think it is typical for the ages of your children. It will pass.

 

 

I agree. I am guessing this is your 6yr old, and basically he has no one to play with, and he has not learned how to play alone yet, so it will take time to teach him to either play with then2yr old or find something to do on his own. Maybe suggest he practice kicking the soccer ball into the goal or work on his lay ups or something. Once he has some ideas of things he can do alone, then it will be work to get him to do things with you lol.

[regentrude]

You wait until they get older.

At 6 and 2, yes, your home will be kid-centered. Especially since a 6 y/o can really not do much with a 2 y/o.

It will get easier when they become older.

[Ellie]

I don't play with children. I read to them, and talk to them, of course, but I don't *play* with them. When they're little, I love on them and take care of their needs, but as soon as they show interest in doing something by themselves, I let them.

 

It isn't necessary for parents to be their children's playmates for a home to be child-centered.

[Dory]

My kids have all learned that I will play with them when I am done my work and the things I want/need to get done the same as they get to play when they are done their work. They will ask me and I always let them know if it's a possibility that day or if they need to entertain themselves. When my oldest was younger I sometimes needed to come up with suggestions for him but it's an oddity for me to have to do that now. My oldest tried the phrase "I'm bored" once and I started giving him chores. He has never used that one since. I like to play with my kids, I think it's good for them and it's good for me in moderation. It brings me down to their level in some ways and reminds me of how they see their world, not just how I 'know' they see their world. We only play board games or card games on Fridays and Saturdays around here though, those are our family game nights (we pick one depending on when my dh is able to be home).

 

I don't want all my time to be monopolized by the kids, not because our home isn't child centered, but because it is. I don't ever want my kids to grow up feeling like other people can be at their beck and call and that other people's worlds revolve around them. I also want them to be able to learn some independence and I would rather help them with that now when it's only about play and not have to push them towards it when they're 19.

[Skadi]

I believe that children have to be taught to play independently. It doesn't come naturally. The first thing I would do is create a schedule for each day of the week on a poster board. This isn't meant to be slavishly followed, but it gives you a framework. It's 4 PM and your son says he's bored? Take a look at the schedule--he can either practice his goalie kicking (solo) outside or he can play Legos. I like to give two options that are slightly different, even if he doesn't normally play with Legos. When making your schedule, Google ideas for boys. Maybe you could provide him with some superhero costumes for dress up. Maybe your husband can set up a basketball goal so that he can shoot hoops by himself. Give him one of those mini trampolines that he can bounce on by himself without supervision.

 

What if he refuses to do what the schedule suggests and he begs you to play with him? Just say no. He will whine, cajole and give you a guilt trip, but after a week, he'll start to adjust to the new routine. It's important for kids to learn how to entertain themselves. It's helps creative play and teaches them how to distract themselves (which comes in handy when he's having to wait in line at the grocery store). I also think something is lost when a kid's play time is dominated by an adult, who inserts their own narrative into the play (whether that is over-praising for the smallest behaviors or stifling the kid's creativity by always coming up with the meat of the interactive play).

 

If it's a particularly hard adjustment, instead of going cold turkey, start by scheduling an hour (or half hour, if that's all he can do at first) of independent play a day. If you can, take him to the playground (an empty one is best, but work with what you have). If you can, make this a mother-son activity that excludes your 2 year old (can your husband watch him for a little while?).

 

He's probably used to you following him around like a puppy, going down slides together, pushing his swing, or at least watching attentively from your seat as he shouts, "Watch this!" Do none of that. Make it clear that you are going to read a book while he plays for an hour. He is not to call your name or ask for help unless he is bleeding. Pick a phrase that you can invoke at other times when you're not at the playground, such as, "Son, I need you to play independently for the next hour." Of course, you will be slyly keeping an eye on him as you read for that hour, but he won't know that. You should let him know you are serious about not being interrupted, and that by disobeying you, he will be disciplined for every infraction (time outs or whatever it is that you do). Do not give warnings--calmly discipline for each infraction the first time it happens. But don't leave the park until the hour is up, even if you spend more time giving him time outs than you do reading. The point is that it will only take one or two daily park trips for him to realize that the rules have changed. At first he won't know quite what to do with himself, but soon he will be chattering to himself as he jumps from one play area to the next.

 

Kids constantly push boundaries to see what they can get away with. But the flip side to that is that they are remarkably adaptable, and if you are firm, he will change to suit the new environment. Once he's become used to playing by himself, you can start doing it at home (the schedule helps prompt him to what he can do). You'll feel like a Mean Mom at first, but remember that the difference between sentiment and love is that a person who is just sentimental about a child will give in to everything the child asks for because it makes the parent feel warm and fuzzy (and maybe a bit of a martyr), while a parent who loves their child has to do things that are hard and unpleasant in the short term out of the best interests of the child. You have to choose between short-term strife as he adjusts to the new boundaries or long-term strife as he monopolizes your time.

[myfunnybunch]

It's quite unfathomable to him that I can't play pretend puppies for hours :rolleyes:

 

 

:) First, I miss playing puppies. My boys play mostly with one another now, and when they want me to play with them it's usually a board game. The other posters are right. He will not expect you to entertain him forever. Your kids are little and need loads of your attention.

 

Second, I do not miss playing puppies for hours. GAH! It is okay to meet your needs, too. I was able to pay better attention if I recharged with a little quiet time. Set a timer for a reasonable amount of puppy time and play puppies. When the timer goes off, you read your book quietly (or draw or check your email or whatever quiet activity you'd like to do). He can....color or draw pictures of puppies, play Legos, look at picture books, or any other quiet activity that he chooses. Help him set out a couple activities to choose from. Set the timer for a reasonable amount of time for him--start with five minutes if you have to. After the quiet play time, you can play together some more.

 

At age 6, my now 8 y.o. could not sit next to me while I read without interrupting me. The kid loves to talk to me. I love that he wants to talk to me, but my ears get full after a while! I must've said fifty (million) times, "Right now I'm reading, but I'd love to hear what you have to say once my reading time is over."

 

I also instituted daily Quiet Time. The only rules were:

Resting or playing quietly in a room/space alone.

No talking, except quietly to oneself.

No asking, "When is Quiet Time over? Is it over yet? Is it over now? How about now?" :-P

And my rule for myself: This is a rest time for me too....at least half of quiet time I had to sit and read, or close my eyes, or some other quiet restful activity.

 

Cat

[PhotoGal]

I would recommend playdates, parks, neighbors - other kids in general. For active kids, playing on their own can be boring. Having more than one kid around (approx the same age) can make it a lot easier on you!

 

You can also find things that you can get him started on and then move away. For example, one time we made a "spiderweb" in some trees with white string. Once the kids started, I could step back and disengage.

 

Do you have a little mini trampoline (indoors)? That sometimes helps the kids get their energy out without expecting me to join them. :)

 

I agree with other people that this will get better when he is a little older. :)

[NotSoObvious]

I don't play with children. I read to them, and talk to them, of course, but I don't *play* with them. When they're little, I love on them and take care of their needs, but as soon as they show interest in doing something by themselves, I let them.

 

It isn't necessary for parents to be their children's playmates for a home to be child-centered.

 

Hallelujah! I'm so glad I'm not alone in this!

[Ellie]

Hallelujah! I'm so glad I'm not alone in this!

 

(((soul sister)))) :D

[Joanne]

My old discipline site has malware, so I can't link it. But I had a post about a similar issue. It was when I realized that a child CAN ask for too much time, attention, "me", hugs. There are kids who, if you spend quality time, never, ever get satiated. They are asking for the boundaries, the limits. They need help with learning where they start and end, and where I start and end. They need help in areas other kids have intuitive boundaries.

 

One of my 3 is like this. That child will NEVER have enough. All the advice in the world to cuddle, nurse, comfort, play, and spend time with him and he'll naturally move into age appropriate autonomy was not a match for him. On other forums, I'd ask "how much time" questions because he never stopped needing.

 

I ended up having to make "dates" throughout the day with him, short burts of mommy time. Then we'd move into firm "Mommy does her thing" and "Son does his thing" time. I had to limit songs, books, hugs, and play time.

 

I had to be very structured in order to get some space and to encourage autonomy in him.

 

I am totally about age appropriate expectations. Had you posted that you wanted him to take over more of his school work and work "independently", I would tell you he's not old enough. But for play and for allowing mom to *be* without him being so consuming? That he can do.

 

I, personally, don't believe that children should be the center of home or that childcare should be THE focus and point, even during those years. I think it should be more.....balanced, even from infancy, with age appropriate expectations.

[Alte Veste Academy]

NM. Don't know how I missed that he already helps to speed you along to playing. That is sweet though.

[Snow]

I think it is typical for the ages of your children. It will pass.

 

 

 

I agree. I am guessing this is your 6yr old, and basically he has no one to play with, and he has not learned how to play alone yet, so it will take time to teach him to either play with then2yr old or find something to do on his own. Maybe suggest he practice kicking the soccer ball into the goal or work on his lay ups or something. Once he has some ideas of things he can do alone, then it will be work to get him to do things with you lol.

 

You wait until they get older.

At 6 and 2, yes, your home will be kid-centered. Especially since a 6 y/o can really not do much with a 2 y/o.

It will get easier when they become older.

 

 

Thanks all. I do try to think ahead and imagine how young six will seem compared to when he is 16 but, "the days are long and the years are short" comes to mind.

[Snow]

I don't play with children. I read to them, and talk to them, of course, but I don't *play* with them. When they're little, I love on them and take care of their needs, but as soon as they show interest in doing something by themselves, I let them.

 

It isn't necessary for parents to be their children's playmates for a home to be child-centered.

 

 

 

Hallelujah! I'm so glad I'm not alone in this!

 

 

For you, is it just a matter of being consistent with saying no and ensuring you set up the environment with lots of activities and opportunities for them to play as some others suggested?

[Snow]

I don't want all my time to be monopolized by the kids, not because our home isn't child centered, but because it is. I don't ever want my kids to grow up feeling like other people can be at their beck and call and that other people's worlds revolve around them. I also want them to be able to learn some independence and I would rather help them with that now when it's only about play and not have to push them towards it when they're 19.

 

I have usually felt two steps behind my kids' development so I've been trying to get better at anticipating where they are heading developmentally and I think I'm just getting a glimpse that I will want to make some changes soon.

[Serenade]

I have never really played with my boys, at least not on a regular basis. They've always been expected to entertain themselves, from the get go. Now that doesn't mean we (DH and I) don't do stuff with them. We do. But when we do play with them, it's generally on our terms and not really frequent. We mostly relax and do fun stuff as a family when we're camping. And of course we have normal family interactions on a daily basis. I insist on family dinner time, where we all come together to eat and catch up on the day.

 

Now, I was raised in a different era (older mom), back when moms weren't expected to play with their kids, and so I've carried that on. I never felt resentful that my mom didn't play with me. We did lots of things together as a family, they just weren't play sort of things -- just regular family interaction. My mom took us to concerts (my mom was in music school), and my dad would take us out in the woods or on the boat sometimes. So we had quality time with our parents, but just not playtime, and certainly not every day. On a daily basis we entertained ourselves or played with friends.

 

I will add, now that my kids are older (10 and 13), we do try to have a family game time once a month, although often we fail at this, too. My husband does scouts with them, and I do school with them. So it's not like we ignore them or they don't get any attention. Well, sometime we ignore them, LOL -- somedays when my DH comes home, we shoo them away from the kitchen area so DH and I can have cocktails, talk and reconnect. I think it's good for the kids to know that mom and dad enjoy spending time with each other, too.

[DianeW88]

I never played with my kids on a daily basis. They played with each other, or I suggested activities for them. I set up activities (like making slime, giving them acrylic paints to decorate my sliding glass door, making bubble solution, setting out art supplies, setting out toys so they were easily accessible, or just opening the back door so they could go outside and play in the yard), took them to the park (where I read and they played by themselves or with other children), set up playdates, etc., but I was not their playmate. I was their mother.

[Snow]

I believe that children have to be taught to play independently. It doesn't come naturally. The first thing I would do is create a schedule for each day of the week on a poster board. This isn't meant to be slavishly followed, but it gives you a framework. It's 4 PM and your son says he's bored? Take a look at the schedule--he can either practice his goalie kicking (solo) outside or he can play Legos. I like to give two options that are slightly different, even if he doesn't normally play with Legos. When making your schedule, Google ideas for boys. Maybe you could provide him with some superhero costumes for dress up. Maybe your husband can set up a basketball goal so that he can shoot hoops by himself. Give him one of those mini trampolines that he can bounce on by himself without supervision.

 

What if he refuses to do what the schedule suggests and he begs you to play with him? Just say no. He will whine, cajole and give you a guilt trip, but after a week, he'll start to adjust to the new routine. It's important for kids to learn how to entertain themselves. It's helps creative play and teaches them how to distract themselves (which comes in handy when he's having to wait in line at the grocery store). I also think something is lost when a kid's play time is dominated by an adult, who inserts their own narrative into the play (whether that is over-praising for the smallest behaviors or stifling the kid's creativity by always coming up with the meat of the interactive play).

 

If it's a particularly hard adjustment, instead of going cold turkey, start by scheduling an hour (or half hour, if that's all he can do at first) of independent play a day. If you can, take him to the playground (an empty one is best, but work with what you have). If you can, make this a mother-son activity that excludes your 2 year old (can your husband watch him for a little while?).

 

He's probably used to you following him around like a puppy, going down slides together, pushing his swing, or at least watching attentively from your seat as he shouts, "Watch this!" Do none of that. Make it clear that you are going to read a book while he plays for an hour. He is not to call your name or ask for help unless he is bleeding. Pick a phrase that you can invoke at other times when you're not at the playground, such as, "Son, I need you to play independently for the next hour." Of course, you will be slyly keeping an eye on him as you read for that hour, but he won't know that. You should let him know you are serious about not being interrupted, and that by disobeying you, he will be disciplined for every infraction (time outs or whatever it is that you do). Do not give warnings--calmly discipline for each infraction the first time it happens. But don't leave the park until the hour is up, even if you spend more time giving him time outs than you do reading. The point is that it will only take one or two daily park trips for him to realize that the rules have changed. At first he won't know quite what to do with himself, but soon he will be chattering to himself as he jumps from one play area to the next.

 

Kids constantly push boundaries to see what they can get away with. But the flip side to that is that they are remarkably adaptable, and if you are firm, he will change to suit the new environment. Once he's become used to playing by himself, you can start doing it at home (the schedule helps prompt him to what he can do). You'll feel like a Mean Mom at first, but remember that the difference between sentiment and love is that a person who is just sentimental about a child will give in to everything the child asks for because it makes the parent feel warm and fuzzy (and maybe a bit of a martyr), while a parent who loves their child has to do things that are hard and unpleasant in the short term out of the best interests of the child. You have to choose between short-term strife as he adjusts to the new boundaries or long-term strife as he monopolizes your time.

 

 

Wise words. Thank you for these great ideas. I agree that having a schedule and giving choices would be a nice transition. You're so right about kids being adaptable. I'm learning this from my daughter now.

[Snow]

 

 

:) First, I miss playing puppies. My boys play mostly with one another now, and when they want me to play with them it's usually a board game. The other posters are right. He will not expect you to entertain him forever. Your kids are little and need loads of your attention.

 

Second, I do not miss playing puppies for hours. GAH! It is okay to meet your needs, too. I was able to pay better attention if I recharged with a little quiet time. Set a timer for a reasonable amount of puppy time and play puppies. When the timer goes off, you read your book quietly (or draw or check your email or whatever quiet activity you'd like to do). He can....color or draw pictures of puppies, play Legos, look at picture books, or any other quiet activity that he chooses. Help him set out a couple activities to choose from. Set the timer for a reasonable amount of time for him--start with five minutes if you have to. After the quiet play time, you can play together some more.

 

At age 6, my now 8 y.o. could not sit next to me while I read without interrupting me. The kid loves to talk to me. I love that he wants to talk to me, but my ears get full after a while! I must've said fifty (million) times, "Right now I'm reading, but I'd love to hear what you have to say once my reading time is over."

 

I also instituted daily Quiet Time. The only rules were:

Resting or playing quietly in a room/space alone.

No talking, except quietly to oneself.

No asking, "When is Quiet Time over? Is it over yet? Is it over now? How about now?" :-P

And my rule for myself: This is a rest time for me too....at least half of quiet time I had to sit and read, or close my eyes, or some other quiet restful activity.

 

Cat

 

I would recommend playdates, parks, neighbors - other kids in general. For active kids, playing on their own can be boring. Having more than one kid around (approx the same age) can make it a lot easier on you!

 

You can also find things that you can get him started on and then move away. For example, one time we made a "spiderweb" in some trees with white string. Once the kids started, I could step back and disengage.

 

Do you have a little mini trampoline (indoors)? That sometimes helps the kids get their energy out without expecting me to join them. :)

 

I agree with other people that this will get better when he is a little older. :)

 

 

Again, very good ideas and thanks, Cat, for assuring me that I will miss these days.

 

Yes, I need to find him more friends, no two ways about it. Tough stuff.

[Snow]

My old discipline site has malware, so I can't link it. But I had a post about a similar issue. It was when I realized that a child CAN ask for too much time, attention, "me", hugs. There are kids who, if you spend quality time, never, ever get satiated. They are asking for the boundaries, the limits. They need help with learning where they start and end, and where I start and end. They need help in areas other kids have intuitive boundaries.

 

 

 

I am totally about age appropriate expectations. Had you posted that you wanted him to take over more of his school work and work "independently", I would tell you he's not old enough. But for play and for allowing mom to *be* without him being so consuming? That he can do.

 

I, personally, don't believe that children should be the center of home or that childcare should be THE focus and point, even during those years. I think it should be more.....balanced, even from infancy, with age appropriate expectations.

 

 

Joanne, you hit the nail on the head. My jaw dropped reading your description because its perfect. Thank you very much.

[Snow]

I have never really played with my boys, at least not on a regular basis. They've always been expected to entertain themselves, from the get go. Now that doesn't mean we (DH and I) don't do stuff with them. We do. But when we do play with them, it's generally on our terms and not really frequent. We mostly relax and do fun stuff as a family when we're camping. And of course we have normal family interactions on a daily basis. I insist on family dinner time, where we all come together to eat and catch up on the day.

 

Now, I was raised in a different era (older mom), back when moms weren't expected to play with their kids, and so I've carried that on. I never felt resentful that my mom didn't play with me. We did lots of things together as a family, they just weren't play sort of things -- just regular family interaction. My mom took us to concerts (my mom was in music school), and my dad would take us out in the woods or on the boat sometimes. So we had quality time with our parents, but just not playtime, and certainly not every day. On a daily basis we entertained ourselves or played with friends.

 

I will add, now that my kids are older (10 and 13), we do try to have a family game time once a month, although often we fail at this, too. My husband does scouts with them, and I do school with them. So it's not like we ignore them or they don't get any attention. Well, sometime we ignore them, LOL -- somedays when my DH comes home, we shoo them away from the kitchen area so DH and I can have cocktails, talk and reconnect. I think it's good for the kids to know that mom and dad enjoy spending time with each other, too.

 

 

I was raised this way also and while I remember feeling like I wanted more from my mom, I never resented her for it. Now I do see some real benefits to it.

[Snow]

DS is an only child and for the longest time I was his playmate which is not a healthy parent-child relationship, IMO. So I gradually weaned him off of me. I would say, you play by yourself (and actually play! not just mope or count minutes on the couch) and I will play with you for 15 minutes after that. And then gradually extended the time so that now, he has no problems playing by himself. He will occasionally ask to play, and I will (generally with Legos or other non-pretend play). But I've starting instituting a "family" play time where he knows, at x time, mama and me are going to play a board game. And that is totally satisfying to him because it's not variable, it's a constant.

 

The constancy is one thing I'm going to work on because I think it's key.

 

I never played with my kids on a daily basis. They played with each other, or I suggested activities for them. I set up activities (like making slime, giving them acrylic paints to decorate my sliding glass door, making bubble solution, setting out art supplies, setting out toys so they were easily accessible, or just opening the back door so they could go outside and play in the yard), took them to the park (where I read and they played by themselves or with other children), set up playdates, etc., but I was not their playmate. I was their mother.

 

 

Good ideas, thanks for giving me insight into how you doit.

 

[KungFuPanda]

Six is a baby. It just doesn't seem like it when your oldest is six. I DID play with my kids when they were little, but It was mostly when I wanted to. I'm an energetic and very physical person. I never minded climbing and pitching balls and that sort of thing. I LOVED getting my hair styled. It felt amazing. I enjoyed Legos too. I will own up to stacking the deck in candy land so that the kid wins quickly. We were VERY child-centered when the kids were little.

 

Kids grow quickly, though. Eventually they make friends who don't live in the house. They do other things. Imaginative play dwindles. Once my kids started needing me less physically, I began pursuing my own interests. My baby will be 13 this summer and my oldest is 16. Now I go interrupt them when 'I' want attention and they humor me. It really does go so fast. It's a little sad that my son never talks to his imaginary friends anymore, but I DO enjoy knowing that I can go away for weekend workshops a few times a year and it's not a hardship for my kids or husband.

 

I'm lucky that my kids did transition naturally from little kids who wanted mommy to play to emotionally independent teens/tweens. I didn't have to schedule or do anything to force this, they just grew up . . . fast.

[Alte Veste Academy]

Six is a baby. It just doesn't seem like it when your oldest is six.

 

Isn't that the truth! When DS10 was 6, I thought he was a big kid. Now I look at DS6 (almost 7!) and wonder what I was thinking.

[Melissa in Australia]

I don't play with children. I read to them, and talk to them, of course, but I don't *play* with them. When they're little, I love on them and take care of their needs, but as soon as they show interest in doing something by themselves, I let them.

 

It isn't necessary for parents to be their children's playmates for a home to be child-centered.

:iagree:

 

Except... I do play computer games with my teens :leaving:

[Mom in High Heels]

Well, both my boys have played pretty independently. I do give them time and play with them, but my life does not revolve around keeping them entertained. I love them, I talk to them, I read to them, I make sure they know that I'm there for them, but I try not to let them think they are the center of the world. Of course Han Solo is just shy of 2, so he doesn't quite get that, but he's still really good about keeping himself entertained.

[mom2att]

:) First, I miss playing puppies. My boys play mostly with one another now, and when they want me to play with them it's usually a board game. The other posters are right. He will not expect you to entertain him forever. Your kids are little and need loads of your attention.

 

 

This. "Mommy, play with me!" is something you won't hear forever, but definitely set limits for your own sanity. I used to set a timer and play with my son for that set length of time, then both of us would move on to something else. Your two year old will also get older, and then they can have fun playing together, which is a big bonus.

[Soror]

I don't really play either, well except when and what I want to do and have time. I started playing some computer games w/ ds or help him w/ various projects as he needs it. I fix dds hair. We play family games sometimes and do family hikes. But for the large majority of time they play together. I honestly cannot remember it being different. I don't remember what ds did when he was little by himself. We were just naturally together all the time but I wasn't always down there in the middle.

 

I have one like Joanne as well. I tried once to just keep giving her attention because I kept reading if you fill up their needs then they will stop asking for so much. It made her 10x worse, I couldn't "fill her up." She needed concentrated attention at times- hugs, I love yous and such but also clear boundaries that mommy has her own time and some things aren't acceptable.

[Snow]

It seems like for some people and some children, there are more natural limits, maybe because mom instinctively is better at setting them? Anyway, this is an area I need to work on since it feels like I have very few limits with him and as a few others mentioned, his "cup" just never seems to get full. I mean I can play some variation of store for 2 hours and he still puts up a fit when it's time to do something else (unless its tv of course).

 

Thanks, everyone, for your encouragement.

[MomatHWTK]

For some children, the cup is harder to fill. It could just be a personality thing- a high introvert wants to engage with others while playing, an extrovert would not. My firstborn is a high introvert and has extreme ADHD so he seeks out and needs constant companionship. He is getting better as he gets older.

 

With your DS I would start by slowing introducing him into engaging in your activities. We aren't going to play store for 2 hours, but you can help mommy fold clothes. I'd also come up with ways he can engage with his sister. He can become her "teacher" and begin teaching her letters and numbers.

 

With my kids TV and computer games were allowed and still are. I'm an introvert so being on 24/7 just doesn't work for me.

[mommymilkies]

I don't play with children. I read to them, and talk to them, of course, but I don't *play* with them. When they're little, I love on them and take care of their needs, but as soon as they show interest in doing something by themselves, I let them.

 

It isn't necessary for parents to be their children's playmates for a home to be child-centered.

I agree. I do consider us more child-friendly and family-centered than child-centered, though. I am AP. I bf for EVER, we co-sleep, chauffeur to lessons, etc. BUT I would hesitate to say child-centered. Have you read the Continuum Concept? Children don't need the world to center on them. They need to know that they are loved and *part of the family* with a purpose and life of their own.

 

Now I admit, dh is the "playmate" here. I think many men outgrow childhood later than women, though. :coolgleamA: I was never much into playing as a kid, and much accused of being too serious. I played outside, play fought with cousins, did puzzles, read...but was never into "play". I still find myself forced and weird about playing. Sometimes they bring me dolls or My Little Ponies or whatever and I feel lost! Thankfully, I have enough kids that they play together. And that leaves me time to do more motherly things, talk to them, kiss owies, cook together, read too much, and get outside to climb trees or ravines together.

 

OP, at those ages, it's totally normal. When they get older, they'll outgrow it. For now, find things you like that you can compromise on. For me, it was puzzles or dress up if we had to. Even most boys like to dress up like scary monsters or knights in shining armor if they're afraid of princess type stuff.