quick help on stupid issue

[EthiopianFood]

Don't beat yourself up over this, RaeAnne. Your intentions were good and if your niece gave you the cold shoulder all night as a result, I don't think you should reward that behavior by rushing out to take her shopping.

 

Honestly, if you think her snotty attitude could last for weeks, I wouldn't recommend that you buy her anything at all. And FWIW, there's no way I would intentionally buy a size 32 bra for a kid who wears a girls size 8. If she wears it, she will look ridiculous.... and then she'll be mad at you all over again for having given her the wrong size bra. :rolleyes:

 

Thank you. You are right, this whole thing is pretty silly on her part. If I can ever get to the point where I no longer care what people think of me, and am no longer paranoid of doing the wrong thing... wow, I won't even know what to do with all the extra time and energy I have!! :drool: I'm fine with no shopping. The problem is that I drive her to and from dance class every week. Do I lightly say that I see she's still upset, and that's not how you treat family, so dh will drive her until she's moved on *smile*? Is that too much? I don't want to escalate this further, or give her more power than she should have over such a simple thing. Assume she is very immature, and is NOT being taught how to be appropriate at home, and probably doesn't actually know how to deal with these feelings.

[Catwoman]

Thank you. You are right, this whole thing is pretty silly on her part. If I can ever get to the point where I no longer care what people think of me, and am no longer paranoid of doing the wrong thing... wow, I won't even know what to do with all the extra time and energy I have!! :drool: I'm fine with no shopping. The problem is that I drive her to and from dance class every week. Do I lightly say that I see she's still upset, and that's not how you treat family, so dh will drive her until she's moved on *smile*? Is that too much? I don't want to escalate this further, or give her more power than she should have over such a simple thing. Assume she is very immature, and is NOT being taught how to be appropriate at home, and probably doesn't actually know how to deal with these feelings.

 

 

 

I would probably tell her to lose the attitude or find a new chauffeur.

 

You're giving her way too much power. What gives her the right to treat you, her aunt, with disrespect? You're going out of your way to do nice things for her, and she's giving you an attitude. She will never respect you (or learn how to be appropriate or how to deal with her feelings) if you allow her to walk all over you. She will just assume that if she's sulky enough, people will bend to her will.

 

I know you want to be her friend, but it sounds like she may need an authority figure as well. Why do you feel you have to keep smiling and being gentle and acting as though she has done nothing wrong, if she's being a brat?

 

I'm not saying you should be mean to her, but if you act nicely when you see her and she acts snotty, I don't think you are obligated to put up with that.

[Guest submarines]

 

I've let it go as something she doesn't want at this time. :) My dilemma was partly over if I should be expected to buy something that clearly doesn't fit. She doesn't want one that fits. She doesn't want a shelf bra. She wants a 32 whether it fits or not. If that weren't a factor,there would have been no conflict in the first place. LOL Her caretakers don't see a problem in saying she needs a 32 because she wants one. They asked me to get her more, to help out. I wasn't willing to spend money on something that clearly, clearly doesn't fit. I was too naive in thinking it wouldn't be a big deal. I was wrong. :lol: She gave me the cold shoulder the entire night last night. I wouldn't be surprised if this lasted weeks with her. I did decide to apologize for embarrassing her though, when being upbeat and trying to move on didn't work. Teens are not my area of expertise. :blink:

 

 

Isn't 32 the size of the band? What am I missing? She wants bra that hangs loose around her chest?

[Catwoman]

 

Isn't 32 the size of the band? What am I missing? She wants bra that hangs loose around her chest?

 

 

That's the mental picture I was getting, too!

[EthiopianFood]

I would probably tell her to lose the attitude or find a new chauffeur.

 

You're giving her way too much power. What gives her the right to treat you, her aunt, with disrespect? You're going out of your way to do nice things for her, and she's giving you an attitude. She will never respect you (or learn how to be appropriate or how to deal with her feelings) if you allow her to walk all over you. She will just assume that if she's sulky enough, people will bend to her will.

 

I know you want to be her friend, but it sounds like she may need an authority figure as well. Why do you feel you have to keep smiling and being gentle and acting as though she has done nothing wrong, if she's being a brat?

 

Because I do have a tendancy to be intense, and being a pitbull about things isn't very effective. There is also a side of me with a "just do it because I said so." Surprisingly, when I was much more involved in her life, I was fairly strict with her, or at least very, very consistent. I have always been the only one she would listen to or show respect for. I just don't want her to feel like she has to earn my love. She really doesn't come from a good situation, so I'm more aware of how SHE will perceive things. Then, she will quietly feel rejected and unloved, just like so many others have made her feel. :( Everyone here said it wasn't a big deal, and to let it go, so I guess I'm paranoid, even though this is a separate issue. Yes, I am that stupid. I just really don't know teens, and don't know when to ignore them or when to say something. :glare:

[EthiopianFood]

 

That's the mental picture I was getting, too!

 

If she says she is a 32, then that means she really is bigger, in her mind. And like I said, the caregivers go along with it. When I questioned it, they insisted it was true, and said she has been growing, and is now almost 80 lbs. :confused1:

[EthiopianFood]

So do I send her a heads up on FB. Do I wait until next week, at which point she is at my house already? The caregivers will think I am completely overreacting if I say she can't go at all.

[LibraryLover]

She seems quite immature, but all is not lost. It's a fluid age.

 

As some have posted, I think you should become the 'fun' auntie. Not in giving a pass to all behaviors, but in being the one she can approach with anything. Bake cookies, go to the movies, do her nails, and spray paint her hair blue (if she's into that). The more she trusts you, the more you can be a positive influence.

 

Too many kids have nobody who cares. Feeling abandoned is a straight line to nowhere.

[Catwoman]

So do I send her a heads up on FB. Do I wait until next week, at which point she is at my house already? The caregivers will think I am completely overreacting if I say she can't go at all.

 

Why not just act like nothing ever happened, and behave exactly as you usually would?

 

You asked her if you could measure her for a bra; you didn't kill her puppy.

 

Forget all about it, and she probably will, too. (And if it was embarrassing for her, she will probably be relieved if you don't bring up the topic again.)

[Guest submarines]

I'd set a limit on how much you can spend, and let her choose what she wants and enjoy the gift! Really, what's the big deal? If she had bigger b00ks and needed a bra for support / modesty, then I can see how a proper fit is important. Bra bands are adjustable. Let her get her coveted "32" and show her how to adjust if she seems uncomfortable in it. There's no reason to make a big production out of it, no need to measure. Let her pick them and try them on and have fun!

[Catwoman]

Because I do have a tendancy to be intense, and being a pitbull about things isn't very effective. There is also a side of me with a "just do it because I said so." Surprisingly, when I was much more involved in her life, I was fairly strict with her, or at least very, very consistent. I have always been the only one she would listen to or show respect for. I just don't want her to feel like she has to earn my love. She really doesn't come from a good situation, so I'm more aware of how SHE will perceive things. Then, she will quietly feel rejected and unloved, just like so many others have made her feel. :( Everyone here said it wasn't a big deal, and to let it go, so I guess I'm paranoid, even though this is a separate issue. Yes, I am that stupid. I just really don't know teens, and don't know when to ignore them or when to say something. :glare:

 

OK, I understand what you're getting at.

 

But even if you want to mainly be a friend she can trust, that doesn't give her a pass on good behavior. Friends treat friends nicely, right? I know you want her to feel loved, but she needs to realize that she has to make you feel loved, too.

 

I don't think you need to make a big deal out of any of this, unless she is nasty or sulky with you. If she's unpleasant, I do think you need to call her on it, even if you just tell her that she's not much fun when she's feeling nasty, and ask her if there's anything you can do to help. (Pretend you have no idea that she's mad at you, if you think that will help.)

 

My assumption is that the next time you see her, it will be back to business as usual and everything will be fine. While you're sitting there worrying about it, she may have forgotten the whole thing.

[LibraryLover]

I agree. I don't see this as something that damages everything forever.

 

Don't react to drama. Let it be. Let it go, don't make it any more of an issue.

[zoobie]

Is it possible her old "bra" is from Justice? My daughter has a few of their bra-lette things (like a half cami made of microfiber/cotton blend), for modesty under thin shirts not support of any kind, and they run crazy small and shrink. I think she wore a "30" in those when she was a size 8/10.

 

I wouldn't stop driving her. I would talk to her and tell her how much you love her and are hurt by her attitude. You said she has a tough family situation. It's hard to be a young teen even with the best family support. Is she just being a little chilly to you or out and out rude/ugly? I'd probably still give her another (multiple!) chance(s) absent her being abusive to you and try to show her some unconditional love.

[AK_Mom4]

Cold shoulder from teens is pretty good, actually. Much better than loud pouty drama or slamming doors!

 

I've survived (mostly) thru teens and my advice is to ignore the cold shoulder business and just pretend it doesn't bother you. I wouldn't cut off her ride privileges or make a scene about it. Just let it go. It really is no big deal.

[2girls4us]

 

If she says she is a 32, then that means she really is bigger, in her mind. And like I said, the caregivers go along with it. When I questioned it, they insisted it was true, and said she has been growing, and is now almost 80 lbs. :confused1:

80 lbs but wearing a girls size 8?? Something is off for sure.

[Catwoman]

80 lbs but wearing a girls size 8?? Something is off for sure.

 

I hadn't noticed that until you mentioned it.

 

There's no way an 80 pound girl would still be wearing a girls' size 8.

 

Now I'm really confused. :confused:

[Remudamom]

Get her a 32 and some cotton balls.

[myfunnybunch]

 

Crap, now everyone thinks I'm weird. :bored: You'll just have to take my word for it that I do a LOT of things to fill in the gaps that normal aunts shouldn't have to do. I'm sure you would be asking your sister to get your dd a bra in the first place, you know? For what it's worth, I definitely didn't imagine any state of undress, or any touching of anything other than her back. :bored: It's good to hear that even moms could have had the same response. I will take it much less personally!

 

I don't think you're weird. I measured both my dd's for bra sizes. Perhaps your niece didn't really understand what it looks like.

 

I found a bra measuring website with line drawings that showed how to take the measurements and we followed that, so they could see what to expect. I explained to my dd's that they could wear a t-shirt, and I would stand behind them while they positioned the measuring tape around the widest part of their chest, then I'd measure from the back and write down the measurement. Ditto for the second measurement, only they positioned the tape measure where the band of the bra would go. Then we entered the measurements into a calculator and it told us the bra size we should look for. Easy-peasy, fully clothed, not too awkward. I would have NO problem with my sister doing these measurements. So you're not weird, especially if your niece is in need of a responsible "mom" figure in her life to help her with things like bras.

 

However, in this situation I would drop it for now. Well....*I* would probably give her a hug and say, "Honey, I am SO sorry. I hope I didn't make you feel awkward about the bra thing. I love you, let's be friends." Then I'd drop it unless she wanted to discuss it.

 

You're a good aunt. It sounds like she's blessed to have you in her life.

 

Cat

[Guest submarines]

 

Because I do have a tendancy to be intense, and being a pitbull about things isn't very effective. There is also a side of me with a "just do it because I said so." Surprisingly, when I was much more involved in her life, I was fairly strict with her, or at least very, very consistent. I have always been the only one she would listen to or show respect for. I just don't want her to feel like she has to earn my love. She really doesn't come from a good situation, so I'm more aware of how SHE will perceive things. Then, she will quietly feel rejected and unloved, just like so many others have made her feel. :( Everyone here said it wasn't a big deal, and to let it go, so I guess I'm paranoid, even though this is a separate issue. Yes, I am that stupid. I just really don't know teens, and don't know when to ignore them or when to say something. :glare:

 

You are not seriously putting yourself down over this, are you? If it is just an expression, it is one thing, I get it, but if you are serious about it you need to re-examine your reactions. No one deserves to be down on oneself like that. :grouphug:

[Catwoman]

 

You are not seriously putting yourself down over this, are you? If it is just an expression, it is one thing, I get it, but if you are serious about it you need to re-examine your reactions. No one deserves to be down on oneself like that. :grouphug:

 

:iagree:

 

This is really and truly no big deal. Please stop worrying and second-guessing yourself! You didn't do anything wrong, and your niece has probably forgotten all about it. :)

[Tap]

80 lbs but wearing a girls size 8?? Something is off for sure.

I hadn't noticed that until you mentioned it.

 

There's no way an 80 pound girl would still be wearing a girls' size 8.

 

Now I'm really confused. :confused:

 

DD6 is 80lbs, close to 50 inches tall and wears an 8-10 in girls sizes. 8 in length for long sleves/legs, 10 in her waist (she carries her weight in her tummy). She is a powerhouse of muscle and has always been very heavy compared to her size.

[Catwoman]

DD6 is 80lbs, close to 50 inches tall and wears an 8-10 in girls sizes. 8 in length for long sleves/legs, 10 in her waist (she carries her weight in her tummy). She is a powerhouse of muscle and has always been very heavy compared to her size.

 

Thanks -- I always picture size 8 as being a tiny, petite little girl's size... possibly because my only child is a boy!

[Tap]

She is a GIRLS' size 8 - not misses size 8. And it has nothing to do with height.

 

I understand she is girls size 8. But if she was over 5 foot tall, a girls size 8 isn't going to fit her simply due to length of fabric covering the torso, arm hole/leg hole size, or the rise of the pants. I have an 80lb 6yo child in size 8-10 girls....dd14 can wear some of her shorts but not shirts, the proportion would be wrong for her height. DD14 wears a size 3 in womens as she is 5"8'. DD6 can wear some of dd14's clothes that she wore when she was a size 0-1 but the cut is not quite right for her body style. Even though the girls are basically the same size in the torso, thier height is absolutely a factor in moving from children's sizes to adult's.

 

Depending on what the person is wearing, I would expect a person who could fit in a girls size 8 to be under 5 feet tall. I supposed that a skirt that is the right waist size would just be shorter on a taller person, but for most clothes the cut is just not quite right to fit appropriately.

[MomatHWTK]

I don't think there's any reason to do anything. I would be offended if someone tried to force me to do something I didn't want to as a condition of giving me a gift, making a purchase, etc. There was a miscommunication and the child who is in a bad home situation and hasn't been taught how you expect her to behave is behaving the way she knows how. You can continue to love her and help her or you can decide that you don't want to deal with attitude and "give her power" and cut her off until she dances to your tune. That's your choice.

 

My personal experience has been that we have to choose to love broken children in their broken state. When we start assuming that we've made repairs and those repairs should stick, or that the child should appreciate our efforts- we lose our ability to truly serve the child. I think it is very hard to overcome parental influence even if the life offered in a separate setting is "better." I have even noted that offering that better alternative can lead to the hostility as the child can't help but make comparisons and then feels coflicting loyalties. Head games, teaching a lesson, not letting the child take advantage, it's all just silly and unworthy. Love her, help her and meet her where she is if you can. If it truly causes you emotional distress to make the effort (and I do understand that it is emotionally wrenching) then withdraw until you can handle it.

[EthiopianFood]

OK, I understand what you're getting at.

 

But even if you want to mainly be a friend she can trust, that doesn't give her a pass on good behavior. Friends treat friends nicely, right? I know you want her to feel loved, but she needs to realize that she has to make you feel loved, too.

 

I don't think you need to make a big deal out of any of this, unless she is nasty or sulky with you. If she's unpleasant, I do think you need to call her on it, even if you just tell her that she's not much fun when she's feeling nasty, and ask her if there's anything you can do to help. (Pretend you have no idea that she's mad at you, if you think that will help.)

 

My assumption is that the next time you see her, it will be back to business as usual and everything will be fine. While you're sitting there worrying about it, she may have forgotten the whole thing.

 

 

There is only one other time she acted this way with me. She stayed distant for the next two months. I would have assumed she would have been over it a week later. I'm not trying to worry about it, I'm trying to have a plan. You are saying I shouldn't put up with it, but there is no way to make her do anything, obviously. I tried letting it go, and she ignored me no matter how cheerful I was, a full week later, during which there was no mention of any of this. So I am asking, if I don't say anything about any of this in the hopes that she will be over it, and she's NOT, and is already at my house for her ride, I don't understand what I am supposed to do.

[EthiopianFood]

I don't think there's any reason to do anything. I would be offended if someone tried to force me to do something I didn't want to as a condition of giving me a gift, making a purchase, etc. There was a miscommunication and the child who is in a bad home situation and hasn't been taught how you expect her to behave is behaving the way she knows how. You can continue to love her and help her or you can decide that you don't want to deal with attitude and "give her power" and cut her off until she dances to your tune. That's your choice.

 

My personal experience has been that we have to choose to love broken children in their broken state. When we start assuming that we've made repairs and those repairs should stick, or that the child should appreciate our efforts- we lose our ability to truly serve the child. I think it is very hard to overcome parental influence even if the life offered in a separate setting is "better." I have even noted that offering that better alternative can lead to the hostility as the child can't help but make comparisons and then feels coflicting loyalties. Head games, teaching a lesson, not letting the child take advantage, it's all just silly and unworthy. Love her, help her and meet her where she is if you can. If it truly causes you emotional distress to make the effort (and I do understand that it is emotionally wrenching) then withdraw until you can handle it.

 

 

These are all things that have taken me years to learn, and am still coming to terms with! It is difficult to let go of hope, difficult to never know if I could make more of an impact if I just do a little more.I will say that having high expectations of her over the years seems to have helped her be her better self with me. I don't at all doubt that that was the right thing all those years.

[EthiopianFood]

 

These are all things that have taken me years to learn, and am still coming to terms with! It is difficult to let go of hope, difficult to never know if I could make more of an impact if I just do a little more.I will say that having high expectations of her over the years seems to have helped her be her better self with me. I don't at all doubt that that was the right thing all those years.

 

 

My tablet won't let me edit. But yes, I have actually taught her how to behave at my house. She usually does very well, which is why I was thrown for a loop. And there was no forcing of anything. I'm not sure how that could have been read into my OP. ;)

[Catwoman]

RaeAnne, are you sure she was upset with you, or could she have been upset about something else? Did she actually mention what happened between you? Because if she didn't, it sounds like the poor kid might have had any number of other things that might have put her in a bad mood.

[EthiopianFood]

RaeAnne, are you sure she was upset with you, or could she have been upset about something else? Did she actually mention what happened between you? Because if she didn't, it sounds like the poor kid might have had any number of other things that might have put her in a bad mood.

 

Yes, I'm sure.I've known her her whole life. She wasn't just quiet or distant. She was abrupt, blatantly ignored me when I spoke to her, etc. I've seen her upset about outside things before, and this wasn't it.

[Catwoman]

 

Yes, I'm sure.I've known her her whole life. She wasn't just quiet or distant. She was abrupt, blatantly ignored me when I spoke to her, etc. I've seen her upset about outside things before, and this wasn't it.

 

OK, then this whole thing isn't really making sense to me. If you've known her for her entire life and you understand her personality, why is this one incident so significant? You say you don't know about teenagers, but this isn't just any teen; this is the niece you have known since she was a baby. She's still the same kid.

 

But honestly, if this turns into another situation where she's angry for months over such a minor incident, I have to be completely honest with you and tell you that she may need more help than you can give her. Is your niece seeing a therapist?

 

There's only so much you can do -- and it sounds like you're probably already doing it. You're the concerned, fun, supportive, loving aunt who drives her places and spends time with her. I don't know that there is much more you can expect of yourself.

 

Again, please stop over-thinking this. You'll see her and she will either be nice or she won't. If she's not nice, ask her what's wrong. If she won't tell you, give her a hug and let her know you'll be there for her when she's ready to talk. If she's outright rude or nasty, tell her that it's fine to be upset or angry, but that you won't tolerate disrespectful behavior. If she continues to be nasty, take her home and tell her you'll speak with her again when she has had a chance to cool down.

 

What more can you do? I'm not sure what kind of advice you're asking for, but I will tell you that you should treat her as you would treat anyone else in the same situation. If you know that your niece has some issues, you can try to be sensitive to her needs, but that doesn't mean that you should allow her to walk all over you and treat you any way she chooses. You deserve better than that, and she will never respect you if you don't make respect a priority in your relationship -- and of course, the respect should go both ways.

 

I hope everything works out for you -- I can tell that you're very worried! :grouphug:

[EthiopianFood]

Tablet won't let me quote, but yes, the situation is entirely too nuanced for a message board. LOL Thank you for your advice. That actually is what I was looking for. I feel better prepared, and am happy to put this aside for another week. :)

[Catwoman]

Tablet won't let me quote, but yes, the situation is entirely too nuanced for a message board. LOL Thank you for your advice. That actually is what I was looking for. I feel better prepared, and am happy to put this aside for another week. :)

 

 

I'm glad you're feeling better, RaeAnne!

 

One last suggestion -- could you give her a call a few days before you're scheduled to see her and invite her to do something fun with you after her dance class, like maybe a trip to the mall or going out to eat? It might help her mood to know you were thinking about her and that you wanted her to join you for something special for just the two of you.

[Mommy2BeautifulGirls]

I kind of skimmed the responses, and saw a couple people mention Victoria's Secret. Take her there. All young girls like the pink store! She would probably really appreciate you taking the time to take her there. Of course, she might not show it...

 

And I don't think you're weird!

[DarlaS]

I would have freaked out even if it was my mom. You may just want to explain proper sizing and fit to her and talk her through measuring herself.

 

 

:iagree:

 

Or have her put on a snug fitting tank or cami and measure her from behind while she holds the tape in the correct position. That should get it close enough.

[Mommyof4ks]

I don't get the issue with measuring at all. Of course I grew up having clothing made for me, so maybe it is not a big deal for me to be measured where it would be for others.

 

It sounds like what you suspected is true. Your dn wants a br* that does not fit, otherwise she would have taken you up on the offer to get her ones that fit which cannot be determined well at that age without a fitting. My dd kept trying to get ones that were too small and thus too tight. That is not good for her to have constriction in that area just as it would be bad if she wore a rubber band on her wrist. Proper fit is important. All you can do is offer, and then the ball is in her court.

[KungFuPanda]

I know that a good fit is very important if you need support. However, if she is that small, she can get away with some very cheap bras and they'll serve her just fine. A teen who is an A cup or less doesn't need a selection of padded, underwire bras. She can get away with whatever soft cup bras that they sell in multi-packs at Target and close enough will be good enough with the sizing.

 

I took dd to Nordstrom's. The woman's help was mediocre. In addition, after seeking help, I fell victim to feeling obligated to buy something there. Now we just wing it, with dd asking my opinion about how it fits, before we purchase.

 

Do people really get measured then NOT buy a bra at the place that measured them? It wouldn't occur to me that this was socially acceptable.

[Guest submarines]

 

 

 

Do people really get measured then NOT buy a bra at the place that measured them? It wouldn't occur to me that this was socially acceptable.

 

 

I wouldn't do it on purpose, but I wouldn't feel obligated to buy a bra if I didn't like any or didn't have the best of experiences in the store.

[Wildcat]

. 

 

[Orthodox6]

I don't know. Probably not the greatest idea. However, as with restaurant tips, one should not feel coerced into buying something (or leaving a "good" tip) if the quality of service does not warrant it. I think that we bought only one garment. It did bother me that the only place where I could have a slim hope of service good enough to assist dd and me was at a rich person's store.

 

 

Do people really get measured then NOT buy a bra at the place that measured them? It wouldn't occur to me that this was socially acceptable.

[Mommy2BeautifulGirls]

I know that a good fit is very important if you need support. However, if she is that small, she can get away with some very cheap bras and they'll serve her just fine. A teen who is an A cup or less doesn't need a selection of padded, underwire bras. She can get away with whatever soft cup bras that they sell in multi-packs at Target and close enough will be good enough with the sizing.

 

 

 

Do people really get measured then NOT buy a bra at the place that measured them? It wouldn't occur to me that this was socially acceptable.

 

I was in VS a few weeks ago, and I told the woman that I was just looking because my girls wanted to go into the store and have a peek around. She whipped out her tape measure and measured me anyway. I felt no obligation to purchase.

[JenC3]

So glad we homeschool! My dd doesn't know anything about bra sizes or VS, etc.she wants a bra, just got buds at 9.5 and I said yes at 10 we will get you a tank bra, by 11 you'll need fitted. I'm not buying sassy bras for a girl under 16.

[Mommy2BeautifulGirls]

So glad we homeschool! My dd doesn't know anything about bra sizes or VS, etc.she wants a bra, just got buds at 9.5 and I said yes at 10 we will get you a tank bra, by 11 you'll need fitted. I'm not buying sassy bras for a girl under 16.

 

It's my younger one I need to worry about - my oldest (just turned 9) takes after her mother! She has a few years before she has to worry about such things. And, even then, she'll have to wait until she has kids before she has any kind of a figure!

[Laurie4b]

Cold shoulder from teens is pretty good, actually. Much better than loud pouty drama or slamming doors!

 

I've survived (mostly) thru teens and my advice is to ignore the cold shoulder business and just pretend it doesn't bother you. I wouldn't cut off her ride privileges or make a scene about it. Just let it go. It really is no big deal.

 

I totally agree with this.

 

I have 4 kids 14-20.

[AngieW in Texas]

I don't see why measuring would be any problem at all. You have to do that to know what size will fit. You measure over clothing. As long as your niece isn't wearing thick, heavy sweaters, you can measure her with no problems at all.

 

The problem the niece seems to have is that she's embarrassed about the size she is. A teen who is VERY embarrassed about this might try to buy a bra that doesn't actually fit just so she can have something with a bigger size on it. Or on the other end of things, might keep increasing the band size to avoid a bigger cup size.

 

All three of my girls have been professionally fitted. Two of them actually need it because regular stores don't carry their size. Few manufacturers actually make their size. My middle dd can get a bra anywhere, even Target. My oldest and youngest had to be talked into sizes that actually fit because they were embarrassed about it. Neither of them would actually believe me about what size they needed and kept wanting to increase the band size. They believed the professional fitter (who put them in the size that I had told them they were without any comments from me).

 

Maybe you can take her to a professional fitter? That really defused things here.