If you had just joined a new forum, would you...

[Catwoman]

I'd love to go vent about some seriously personal stuff in someplace where I've never talked to anyone before.

 

But would you be asking for advice -- and would you take any of it seriously if you didn't "know" any of the members or have a real familiarity with the forum before you posted?

 

I can understand wanting to vent, but I always get kind of confused when someone joins a homeschooling forum just to vent about their cheating husband (or whatever.) If I wanted to do that, I would try to find a forum filled with other wives of cheating husbands or something.

[Catwoman]

I have been lurking here since last summer, but (like in real life) I prefer to hang back and watch everybody most of the time, until I am quite comfortable. I guess I could be seen as a troll on some of the boards I frequent, because I don't often post unless I feel something is very important to me. I enjoy getting input without putting it all out on the line in front of people who know me well, you know. I need to jump in more though, I enjoy reading many discussions and need to post more!

 

You should definitely post more! :)

[Catwoman]

I understand the suspicion, but I don't see this behavior as necessarily indicative of anything abnormal. Maybe I'm weird, but I don't see posting on a board as "sharing with strangers", but rather as an anonymous sharing. If I have issues that I can't discuss with family or friends, I feel comfortable sharing them on a board because it is anonymous. Which is different from walking into a room of people you don't know and unloading your parenting troubles on them. Very different.

 

Also, if someone is a long-time lurker, they might not feel that they are very new to the board. At a certain point they'd just jump in, especially if they have something they struggle with.

 

That's an interesting perspective. I hadn't really thought about it that way. I was definitely thinking "sharing with strangers," but "anonymous sharing" puts a different spin on it. :)

[Catwoman]

I remember the day I posted about something really personal and my hand shook as I hit "post". I guess that makes me A. not a troll and B. neurotic. :)

 

But I love all the information on this board - weekly I tell my dh about the new thing I learned on the forum!

 

I believe it's considered quite charming to be a neurotic non-troll, so you're good! :D

[Pamela H in Texas]

There was a certain thread that made me think, "why hasn't anyone called her on it?"

Another has posted some pretty weird stuff also (though I went and looked and she has posted on some normal things too).

I was surprised the woman with 17 kids (or whatever it was) lasted so long.

But *I* won't call people on it because I would hate hate hate to be wrong

(btw, I was on the receiving end of a doubt on this board in 2006).

 

However, I think that jumping in probably depends on how long they have been lurking or what causes them to post (if it is semi related to homeschooling, then it is less weird than when it is about p*r.n or s* x abuse, etc).

[Catwoman]

Well, I'm a newbie but jumped right in with both feet, arms and head. LOL Guess you're not talking about me either! :seeya:

I lurked a while until I felt I really wanted to join, and then jumped in.

 

LOL!!! And you even confessed that your first post was in the tattoo thread, so now we know for sure that you're not a troll!

 

Unless you just said, "I agree," in that thread and about 4 others, and then started a thread about whether or not you should bring your kids to a birthday party tomorrow even though they all have high fevers and have been throwing up for 5 days straight. :D

 

Then you might have been a troll. ;)

[Guest inoubliable]

LOL!!! And you even confessed that your first post was in the tattoo thread, so now we know for sure that you're not a troll!

 

 

Or is she? .....

 

 

:smilielol5:

[Catwoman]

I don't expect to make any new friends on the internet, but I'm very thankful for those friends I've known for years and/or that I do not believe to be trolls.

 

There's too much weirdness lately. Trollity has become a sophisticated art form, and I don't care to stay up to date on what to know, so I made a decision recently to not make any more friends online. Will I respond to new people? Yes, if I feel my answer might be universally helpful to someone in that situation (therefore worth putting on the boards for real people, including the newbie if she's real), then I will respond as if I think it's true. Will I become buddies with newbies? Nope. I'm sorry, thank you for your interest, but I'm going with "safe." I'm raising several teenagers which is all the drama anyone needs.

 

That makes a lot of sense, Tibbie. :)

[PachiSusan]

LOL!!! And you even confessed that your first post was in the tattoo thread, so now we know for sure that you're not a troll!

 

Unless you just said, "I agree," in that thread and about 4 others, and then started a thread about whether or not you should bring your kids to a birthday party tomorrow even though they all have high fevers and have been throwing up for 5 days straight. :D

 

Then you might have been a troll. ;)

 

IS this the board equivalent of "You Might be a Redneck if...?" :w00t:

[Catwoman]

My favorite paragraph from the above article by Cienna Madrid:

 

The lies slowly escalate, pile up, and create an improbable whole. Then one day, you realize you're friends with a 15-year-old chronic migraine sufferer online who also happens to be a fourth-year medical school student who plays drums in a band at night—despite those crippling migraines—to pay his med school tuition because his deaf mother and alcoholic stepfather have no interest in his baby-genius education. Oh, and since he's not yet old enough to drive, he skateboards three miles a day to get to class.

 

And on that day, you feel like a total schmuck.

 

BTDT.

 

Unfortunately. :glare:

 

I remember once, on another forum, several of us were getting suspicious of a new member, and when we put together all of the information we knew about her, the end result was something not too far off from what you just posted. Some of the stuff was outrageous -- and there were several major inconsistencies! But we'd all bought into the stories for a while, because the person seemed so sweet and needy. We all felt incredibly stupid and gullible afterward, though.

[PachiSusan]

 

Or is she? .....

 

 

:smilielol5:

 

Just setting up my web carefully... :coolgleamA:

[Catwoman]

 

Just setting up my web carefully... :coolgleamA:

 

We're watching you, missy!!!!! ;)

[PachiSusan]

We're watching you, missy!!!!! ;)

 

Yes Ma'am. :gnorsi: Kathleen in LV can vouch that I exist though - she ran into me at Einstein's Bagels yesterday! :)

[Izzy]

I was part of a forum that let you have an extra profile for those moments you wanted to be anonymous (babycenter). But posters would let you know they were going anonymous because they had an out there question.

[Catwoman]

I was part of a forum that let you have an extra profile for those moments you wanted to be anonymous (babycenter). But posters would let you know they were going anonymous because they had an out there question.

 

I think that's fine -- as long as the posters said they were being anonymous for that reason. :)

[Izzy]

 

 

I think that's fine -- as long as the posters said they were being anonymous for that reason. :)

 

And then we'd all go crazy wondering WHO WAS IT?? lol

[Catwoman]

There was a certain thread that made me think, "why hasn't anyone called her on it?"

Another has posted some pretty weird stuff also (though I went and looked and she has posted on some normal things too).

I was surprised the woman with 17 kids (or whatever it was) lasted so long.

But *I* won't call people on it because I would hate hate hate to be wrong

(btw, I was on the receiving end of a doubt on this board in 2006).

 

However, I think that jumping in probably depends on how long they have been lurking or what causes them to post (if it is semi related to homeschooling, then it is less weird than when it is about p*r.n or s* x abuse, etc).

 

I know what you mean. A lot of it depends on the subject matter. And sometimes things aren't quite "weird" enough, but they just seem "off," but I can't quite put my finger on exactly what's wrong, so I don't want to say anything in case I'm completely off-base.

 

I know I had a suspicion about a woman on a different forum several years ago, and I wasn't the only one -- and we were 100% wrong about her. In fact, she's the only person from that forum that I still stay in touch with every now and then. So you just never know.

[Catwoman]

And then we'd all go crazy wondering WHO WAS IT?? lol

 

I would do that, too!!! :D

[Catwoman]

Yes Ma'am. :gnorsi: Kathleen in LV can vouch that I exist though - she ran into me at Einstein's Bagels yesterday! :)

 

Unless she's just another of your identities... your web is becoming more tangled!!! :eek:

[Cosmos]

It's weird and I always look at signatures. The childless moms that werent teachers either offering curriculum advice here baffle me the most. Or the patenting advice again from childless moms here. I get researching curriculum before you homeschool but no kids yet? Seems like overkill to be here yet. And these people have more posts than a lot of active people here.

 

What on earth is a childless mom?

 

I thought I looked at signatures pretty regularly, but I haven't noticed these people. Do their sigs say that they have no children?

[PachiSusan]

Unless she's just another of your identities... your web is becoming more tangled!!! :eek:

 

Ha ha ha ha!!!! THe funniest thing about it was that I was wearing the same shirt as in my profile pic so it was pretty obvious it was me! She came up to me and asked if I home schooled. LOL

[PachiSusan]

 

What on earth is a childless mom?

 

I thought I looked at signatures pretty regularly, but I haven't noticed these people. Do their sigs say that they have no children?

 

LOL - I think it might have been a typo and she means a childless woman. I saw one of those and I figured that she was getting ready for when she did have kids and wanted all the information ahead of time.

[Catwoman]

I recently stumbled onto the "Warrior Eli is a Hoax" blog/Facebook page--so I have sometimes wondered if some of the more dramatic situations are fictional. The aforementioned blog exposes more extreme cases--like ones exploiting fake illnesses to get donations (it's mind-boggling how much work some of these people have put into their online personas), but it has made me wonder if there are more benign cases out there, even on regular message boards like this one.

 

(full disclosure: I joined a couple years ago and posted sporadically, took a break for about a year, and restarted recently (posting more than I used to!))

 

 

I was on a board once where a woman invented a story about how her little boy had died and the medical bills were so high that now she couldn't afford to buy Christmas gifts for her other little ones. It turned out to be a huge scam. :( The only happy ending to the story was that there had never been a dead child. But honestly, can you even imagine what kind of person pretends their child had died??? That is just about the epitome of evil!

[Rebecca VA]

By "childless moms," could you mean moms who are no longer homeschooling their children? There are a number of moms here who used to homeschool, and their kids have graduated or are now going to a brick-and-mortar school.

[Catwoman]

No, I don't do a lot of drama though.

 

And I'm pretty shy around new people.

 

 

Are you getting at something in particular? I'm probably out of the loop again.

 

 

You don't seem shy -- you did an incredible job on the Secret Santa thing, organizing everything and keeping everyone informed of all the details. :hurray:

 

I wasn't thinking of anyone in particular. I was just thinking about the topic in general, so instead of keeping it to myself like a normal person, I felt the need to start a thread about it. ;)

[Candid]

It's weird and I always look at signatures. The childless moms that werent teachers either offering curriculum advice here baffle me the most. Or the patenting advice again from childless moms here. I get researching curriculum before you homeschool but no kids yet? Seems like overkill to be here yet. And these people have more posts than a lot of active people here.

 

But sharing personal stuff so soon is a red flag

 

 

Ummm, I think I have kids, but you can't learn that from my rather barren signature line or are there people who actually indicate they don't have kids in their signatures? (I guess I should pay better attention!)

[Parrothead]

 

 

You don't seem shy -- you did an incredible job on the Secret Santa thing, organizing everything and keeping everyone informed of all the details. :hurray:

 

I wasn't thinking of anyone in particular. I was just thinking about the topic in general, so instead of keeping it to myself like a normal person, I felt the need to start a thread about it. ;)

 

Well, no not after almost 5 years. I'm not shy here. But IRL, or even new online stuff, I'm quiet for a long time.

[beaners]

Ummm, I think I have kids, but you can't learn that from my rather barren signature line or are there people who actually indicate they don't have kids in their signatures? (I guess I should pay better attention!)

 

 

I'm curious too, as another person with a childless signature but not a childless house.

 

There are a couple people who post on every high-drama thread, but I've never once seen them talk about homeschooling. I never recall reading about their children, but they've never said they were childless either.

[Candid]

I mostly chose to trust folks.

 

And I do think someone might join a board to ask some pressing question. I don't think I would, but I could see it. Obviously, you can still do what Reagan suggested about the Russians: "trust but verify."

[shanvan]

There is indeed at least one childless poster on the board b/c I remember recently reading a thread where she admitted to not having children gave advice, very detailed advice about high school. I think she did have some kind of professional experience to relate. I still tend to look at advice like that differently b/c having experience with highschoolers and homeschooling your own high school child are two completely different things.

 

Oh, and I remember another poster recently stating that she did not have kids yet but knew a lot about curriculum b/c she researched so much. I might have butchered that post b/c my memory is so bad, but it was something like that.

[shanvan]

I'm curious too, as another person with a childless signature but not a childless house.

 

There are a couple people who post on every high-drama thread, but I've never once seen them talk about homeschooling. I never recall reading about their children, but they've never said they were childless either.

 

 

I keep thinking I notice this too, but then I give the benefit of the doubt b/c my memory is not so good anymore, people have changed their names and left me so confused, and my mind mixes up people with similar names, like Mommyfaithe and faithmanor (hope I got them right).

 

Otoh, I can remember when I first started posting. I think I posted 3 different intros b/c I was so worried someone would think I was a troll---but back then I'm not sure I had a very good idea of what a troll is. Finally, Unsinkable told me I could relax about it, I'd been vetted (hence my signature, which I should probably change).

[butterflymommy]

There have been a few times where I had a somewhat urgent question, and in googling found a message board, and my first post was a question on those boards, looking for an answer to what I was googling.

 

I was once called a troll on a mental health board when I asked a 100% truthful and earnest question about a family member. I thought it was a perfectly innocent inquiry but apparently I offended the well entrenched members greatly, and got called the T word. (And let me tell you, it hurts to be called that! More than you might think.)

 

Some people aren't aware of the vibe or culture on a board, and may appear intentionally offensive or outrageous when they're not.

 

But of course, there are real "T" words out there. Personally I don't like to jump to conclusions, but yes I take anything written by a person with less than 100 posts with a grain of salt.

[Kaleidoscope]

I had to run check my post count and was relieved to see I had a couple hundred posts before I started posting things that are actually too personal to talk about anywhere. So hopefully that only makes me a bit weird vs totally weird.

[StephanieZ]

I wonder if they are actually REAL hive members who create a duplicate account (NoNO!!) for anonymity? Back IN THE DAY, when you had to sign each post with your own siggy, there was no username, you just used the same handle all the time so people would know you -- folks would often post "Anon" for those sorts of threads. (circa 2000ish!) There is no way to do that now, so I'd imagine some folks would do that. I haven't, but then, I don't really *do* those sorts of posts.

[shanvan]

I wonder if they are actually REAL hive members who create a duplicate account (NoNO!!) for anonymity? Back IN THE DAY, when you had to sign each post with your own siggy, there was no username, you just used the same handle all the time so people would know you -- folks would often post "Anon" for those sorts of threads. (circa 2000ish!) There is no way to do that now, so I'd imagine some folks would do that. I haven't, but then, I don't really *do* those sorts of posts.

 

 

Wow! Thanks for the flashback. I had forgotten all about 'anon'!

[QuirkyKapers]

Nope. I wouldn't. I still really watch what I say. The thing about something conterversial is you have to be willing to take the heat that goes along with it. I will, however, admit, I don't mind reading controversial threads. I just don't relish the thought of getting set down a peg or two.... It isn't even that I mind someone expressing something different. It is just sometimes the expressing of a difference is...harsh.. :leaving:

[Snow]

I think it depends on the board. This one is very active and very tight knit and people seem to pay a lot of attention to post count. But I've read other boards that are more open, where people frequently come and go, so its not like people are concerned with trust. WTM is like a small town neighborhood; y'all live here and know your neighbors. That can be a good thing. But a little tough coming in from the outside.

 

Also, because its the Internet, I guess I'm not surprised if people spill their guts early on. Some people are very desperate for connection in any form, and drama always follows close behind in that event.

[unsinkable]

 

 

I'm curious too, as another person with a childless signature but not a childless house.

 

There are a couple people who post on every high-drama thread, but I've never once seen them talk about homeschooling. I never recall reading about their children, but they've never said they were childless either.

 

I used to have " homeschooling 2 teens and a tween" in my signature then the youngest got older and I never changed it to 3 teens cuz it made me sad.

 

I am nearing the end of my hsing journey...and that makes me even sadder...

[Elinor Everywhere]

 

Thanks!

(I'll talk out of the side of my mouth while we both look straight ahead so no one knows we're talking.... it was about MCT. I'd never even thought to look at his stuff before because I thought it was strictly for younger ages, but when I started looking at the vocab books I really felt like I wanted to hit buy right then - for my 9th and 10th graders. What do you think? Even if they end up going through it quickly - which I have no idea if they would or not since I don't have the books to really consider - if they pick up things we've missed before it'll be worth it. OTOH, they're in hs, so as much as I love to keep circling around to make sure we've covered everything we possibly can - we do have to keep driving forward.)

 

MCT vocabulary books, in particular, are fantastic! My kids remembered more from those than any other vocabulary program. Oh, and the poetry books were great, too. Even with hs kids, you can't go wrong!

[Snow]

Yep, those were the days. Unfortunately my face has caught up with my age. :(

[SKL]

To be fair, a new person would not know what is likely to be controversial on a particular board. I mean, the most brutal thread of my life (so far) was me asking for people's thoughts about how to feed my bouncing baby. Who knew that would trigger all of the body image issues every boardie ever had? (That wasn't on this board.) My intent to be "tongue-in-cheek" failed massively. I still bear the scars.

 

Folks tend to lurk until the day they have a burning issue to discuss. It doesn't seem worth it to go through the registration process for a "what goes good with butternut squash" thread.

 

Not saying there aren't trolls out there, but I think it's easy to be mistaken for one when you're new.

 

Kind of reminds me of the looks I got while in a non-touristy city in China. Verrrry suspicious.

[Catwoman]

I keep thinking I notice this too, but then I give the benefit of the doubt b/c my memory is not so good anymore, people have changed their names and left me so confused, and my mind mixes up people with similar names, like Mommyfaithe and faithmanor (hope I got them right).

 

Otoh, I can remember when I first started posting. I think I posted 3 different intros b/c I was so worried someone would think I was a troll---but back then I'm not sure I had a very good idea of what a troll is. Finally, Unsinkable told me I could relax about it, I'd been vetted (hence my signature, which I should probably change).

 

Once you're vetted by unsinkable, you're golden. :thumbup:

[Barefoot Explorer]

I would love it too if I hadn't been turned into the class whipping-dog in high school. It is a very sore subject. I am sick of people treating me like a child because I look young. Bullying is a very real and very common issue, and I doubt that I am the only one who has been hurt by this, so please be aware that some people may not see that as a compliment.

[PachiSusan]

Yep, those were the days. Unfortunately my face has caught up with my age. :(

 

Me too. I used to be carded all the way up until 35!!!

[unsinkable]

Talk to us. We're here to help.

 

We do bullying issues...boy, do we do bullying issues.

[Parrothead]

 

 

Me too. I used to be carded all the way up until 35!!!

 

Me too. Now 10 years later I just look old.

[Parrothead]

Talk to us. We're here to help.

 

We do bullying issues...boy, do we do bullying issues.

 

Where's the bully? Who do we beat up?

[PachiSusan]

I would love it too if I hadn't been turned into the class whipping-dog in high school. It is a very sore subject. I am sick of people treating me like a child because I look young. Bullying is a very real and very common issue, and I doubt that I am the only one who has been hurt by this, so please be aware that some people may not see that as a compliment.

 

I'm very sorry to hear how much pain this has caused you in your life. I think we all understand being teased about something. Mine was glasses, braces, and fat.

[Snow]

 

Folks tend to lurk until the day they have a burning issue to discuss. It doesn't seem worth it to go through the registration process for a "what goes good with butternut squash" thread.

 

 

 

:lol: so true.

[Barefoot Explorer]

Exactly, SKL! I am glad that I am not the only one who feels this way. I made the mistake of asking for help with discipline. I had no idea that it was going to be so controversial. But I am not one to come ask questions about trivial questions. That is what I use Google for!