Heather in Neverland Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 (edited) http://thegospelcoal...en-you-are-not/ I'm Not Afraid to Raise Daughters I am standing with both of them, the one who looks like me on the left and the one who looks like her father on my right. They are tall, tall as me, and full of the willowy beauty of hastily retreating girlhood.... . Edited February 14, 2013 by Moderator Click on the link to read the article...it's best not to cut and paste entire copyrighted articles from other sites. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 "You do not mean to offend or challenge. I know this. My head measures your words and finds no fault, but my heart measures the culture that has taught you to repeat these lines. You catch me at a vulnerable moment." Love. What a beautifully written piece. Thank you for sharing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Aw geez. Now I'm all choked up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dhudson Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 What a great article. I love raising both my sons and my daughter. We are trying to raise young men and women who love God and respect others. Thanks for the encouragement! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Yep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Maybe people just hate children and mothers? Because for the last 15 years I have listened to strangers say, "All boys? You poor thing! I'm so sorry for you!" I hear it at least once a week. I assumed mothers of daughters must be getting the societal approval. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Maybe people just hate children and mothers? Because for the last 15 years I have listened to strangers say, "All boys? You poor thing! I'm so sorry for you!" I hear it at least once a week. I assumed mothers of daughters must be getting the societal approval. I think the "all kids of one sex" families get lots of that. My DH gets the raised eyebrow about having two girls, and about living in a house with two girls approaching puberty and one wife who'll be hitting peri-menopause around the same time. (Though I sort of pity him for that too, TBH.) But no, we moms of daughters definitely get the kinds comments the author of that piece refers to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 If you considered my daughters as valuable as if they were your own, you would raise different sons. Personally, I kinda hate these articles :p Apparently the author is assuming a certain mindset in the men who say this. And that mindset appears to be of a sexual nature. That really makes me uneasy. As the mom of all sons (but as a girl raised with only sisters) I find the above quote offensive. I do not raise my sons to prey upon your daughters' sexuality. I do not value a boy more highly than a girl (as some cultures do). I *do* understand the various differences one encounters in raising girls vs. boys. Maybe that's what these men are saying... I remember my parents getting some of these comments: You must go through a lot of toilet paper, someone must be PMS at all times, you'll be getting a raise once they get married and you don't have to buy all those beauty products and fashionable clothing, etc. As the mom of sons, I get: you must be crazy all the time, you must have good insurance, how do you stay sane. My mom assured me that I needed to adopt a girl after my 4th son was born. To this day, I'm so glad I didn't - not because there is anything wrong with girls but because I like the family I have and didn't feel the need to change it up. ETA: This whole article screams of the fear which she says she won't have. Instead of working through her fear constructively, she is lashing out at men and parents of boys for making her fear. That's incredibly sad, IMO. Seriously, this article makes me wonder if she sees a pervert in every young man. I kinda pity the fellows who will eventually knock at this family's door. Just my 2 cents :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Edited because I need more coffee! I thought the OP wrote the article. Oops. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathryn Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Not impressed either. I'm afraid to have a girl, but not for any reason the author stated. I just found her whole line of thinking offensive, as a woman and as a mother of boys. My fears have to do with culture and hormones, not with sex and pregnancy. And yes, moms of just boys hear the same sorts of "I'm glad I don't have boys" comments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Edited because I need more coffee! I thought the OP wrote the article. Oops. That might be because the author is not listed in Heather's post. It's against board rules on other boards I am on to do this...copy and paste an entire article. It leads to copyright problems. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Great article! I, for one, am really grateful to have had the chance to raise both boys and a girl (so far). There are unique challenges to both, and unique concerns for both, and unique bonds as well. But really, I'm grateful, above all, for the chance to have raised/be raising *children.* Of any gender and description. That is a blessing beyond compare. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Maybe people just hate children and mothers? Because for the last 15 years I have listened to strangers say, "All boys? You poor thing! I'm so sorry for you!" I hear it at least once a week. I assumed mothers of daughters must be getting the societal approval. Frankly, there's no winning situation. I get a lot of, "Two of each? How peeeerrrrfect!" I am so thankful to have had any at all (conception was not easy for my body), that one gets my goat. I strive not to grab on and shake shoulders when I respond that any mix of genders would have been peeeerrrrrfect! As far as the article... I'll have to think about that a little longer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Frankly, there's no winning situation. I get a lot of, "Two of each? How peeeerrrrfect!" I am so thankful to have had any at all (conception was not easy for my body), that one gets my goat. I strive not to grab on and shake shoulders when I respond that any mix of genders would have been peeeerrrrrfect! I got that with our last baby -- "oh, I hope you have another girl; two of each would be perfect!" And now when people see me, they're like, "wow, three boys, eh?" It's even worse this time -- *everyone* wants us to have another girl. I happen to think (since this is likely our last baby) that bookend girls would be very nice, and I want to use all of DD's pink clothes again (and she wants a sister so badly), but that doesn't mean a fourth boy would be any less perfect. A fourth boy would be loved and welcomed just as much as a second girl, and people can stuff it. (And no, we didn't decide to have another baby in hopes of getting a girl; we had another baby because we wanted another child.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovinmyboys Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I think most people are happy with the kids they have...which is the only reason they say they are glad they don't have daughters/sons or whatever. I say all the time I am happy with all boys. Not because I am afraid of raising daughters, but because I have all boys. I hope I haven't offended people with daughters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 (And no, we didn't decide to have another baby in hopes of getting a girl; we had another baby because we wanted another child.) Ha! We always get the, "Oh, but you have to have another so [DH] can get his boy!" Um, two girls are just great, thanks, and DH has NO...wait, let me make that clearer, NO...desire for another child of either sex. He's very content, even without a boy. I do try not to take comments like these personally, because I know most of the time people are just making conversation, and I have no problem if people ask me if we think we'll try for another in hopes of having a boy. Sometimes I'm curious too, and it's not like there's no precedent for that. I do get annoyed when people presume to tell me what we need to do though, and I especially get annoyed when it happens in front of my girls, like they're not quite sufficient on their own :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freckles Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Amen and Amen! I will admit I don't take comments about us only having girls too seriously. Parenthood is hard and beautiful regardless of the gender of our children. I'm sure parents of boys have their own set of worries. I'm grateful my dh loves his dd's, and he has never been disappointed that we don't have a son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I think most people are happy with the kids they have...which is the only reason they say they are glad they don't have daughters/sons or whatever. I say all the time I am happy with all boys. Not because I am afraid of raising daughters, but because I have all boys. I hope I haven't offended people with daughters. In my experience, people often tend to clarify what they mean when they say it. Things like, "Oh, you'd better get yourself a shotgun now!" (WTH?!) or "OMG, I can't imagine paying for two weddings!" (it's 2013, people) or "Oh, the hormones and the crying you're in for!" (boys have hormones too) or even, like the article mentioned, "You have to worry about two sets of naughty bits instead of just one." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LNC Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I read that article totally perplexed and I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. No one has ever said anything like that to me or in my presence. I have never thought anything remotely like the article implied... It felt a little creepy, honestly. My two oldest are disabled, so maybe I think differently than most? I am confused. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunnyDays Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 In my experience, people often tend to clarify what they mean when they say it. Things like, "Oh, you'd better get yourself a shotgun now!" (WTH?!) or "OMG, I can't imagine paying for two weddings!" (it's 2013, people) or "Oh, the hormones and the crying you're in for!" (boys have hormones too) or even, like the article mentioned, "You have to worry about two sets of naughty bits instead of just one." Right... people have occasionally said to me, be glad you don't have a girl, there's so much drama. Really? Have they met my son, or any other number of boys I know?? :rolleyes: Plus, with the uterus/naughty bits thing... I've never understood the thinking that boys and their parents have it easier there. Yes, it's offensive that boys are made out to prey on unsuspecting, innocent girls. But further... should that unintended pregnancy happen, the boy and his family often have very little to say in decisions on the matter. I wouldn't say either side has it easy in such a situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ILiveInFlipFlops Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 ETA: This whole article screams of the fear which she says she won't have. Instead of working through her fear constructively, she is lashing out at men and parents of boys for making her fear. That's incredibly sad, IMO. Seriously, this article makes me wonder if she sees a pervert in every young man. I kinda pity the fellows who will eventually knock at this family's door. Just my 2 cents :) Actually, to me, the mindset of the kind of people who say they're glad they don't have daughters is the kind that sees a overpowering lech in every man. I don't hear it in the author's tone at all. As I mentioned above, as soon as we had our first daughter, we started hearing the comments from people about buying a shotgun and preparing to protect her. What does that say about our culture? About the way people think about both men (filthy perverts!) and women (weak-willed victims *sigh*) in our society? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangermom Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Like LNC, no one has ever said that to me--I have two girls. I would be really surprised and kind of offended if someone said that to me. I like my girls! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 As I mentioned above, as soon as we had our first daughter, we started hearing the comments from people about buying a shotgun and preparing to protect her. What does that say about our culture? About the way people think about both men (filthy perverts!) and women (weak-willed victims *sigh*) in our society? I must admit, I to have always hated hearing that about the shotgun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiniBlondes Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Beautiful. Such an emotional afternoon for me and the tears were already flowing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 That might be because the author is not listed in Heather's post. It's against board rules on other boards I am on to do this...copy and paste an entire article. It leads to copyright problems. Actually the very first thing I put in my post is a link to the full article on the website where it is originally posted to give credit not only to the author who wrote it but also to the website where it came from. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Actually the very first thing I put in my post is a link to the full article on the website where it is originally posted to give credit not only to the author who wrote it but also to the website where it came from. Ummm...what did I say that was wrong? You didn't write the author's name in your post. And you copied and pasted the entire thing... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 I liked the article, though it isn't really an article, more like ablog peice. I have 2 of each, but I have heard all sorts of comments about having daughters and all sort of comments abouot having sons. Like the girls are lucky that they have big brothers to watch out for them (dd13 is tougher than ds14 any day of the week and can hold her own lol). The comments about how many body parts to be worried about. How about I don't worry about anyone's naughty bits but my own and raise all of my kids to be responsible. I have heard the comments about feeling sorry for my boys growing up in a house with more girls, after all how can a boy become a real man surrounded by estrogen. And how my girls will never be feminine enough playing with their brothers etc. I heard comments after my first 2 that I had 1 of each so it was perfect, then I had a 3rd and oh my the world was ending because I had 2 boys and 1 girl, with my 4th it was constant comments about how they hoped it was a girl so we would be evened out again, then comments that we must be done having kids because I have 2 and 2 and that is perfect blah blah blah I read it as a lovely testament to her love of having daughters not as an insult to anyone raising sons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 Ummm...what did I say that was wrong? You didn't write the author's name in your post. And you copied and pasted the entire thing... Give me a break. I did MORE than simply put an author's name in a post. I linked back to where I found the article. The author not only wrote that article but also writes FOR that website. People could go and read more of what she has written now if they'd like. So I am sure she'd be glad I did that. If you have something constructive to add to the discussion besides looking for flaws in my posting method then I'd love to hear it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 Give me a break. I did MORE than simply put an author's name in a post. I linked back to where I found the article. The author not only wrote that article but also writes FOR that website. People could go and read more of what she has written now if they'd like. So I am sure she'd be glad I did that. If you have something constructive to add to the discussion besides looking for flaws in my posting method then I'd love to hear it. Why are you attacking me? I stated the facts about why someone might have thought you wrote it. There is absolutely no reason to take such a nasty aggressive tone with me when I did nothing wrong. I have no idea why you did what you did in regard to posting this article, nor have I attributed any motivation to why you did it. So I am completely baffled as to why you are being so nasty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 Why are you attacking me? I stated the facts about why someone might have thought you wrote it. There is absolutely no reason to take such a nasty aggressive tone with me when I did nothing wrong. I have no idea why you did what you did in regard to posting this article, nor have I attributed any motivation to why you did it. So I am completely baffled as to why you are being so nasty. You don't know what my tone is. Your only contribution to this thread so far is pointing out board rules and copyright issues, etc. I am merely asking if there is anything you'd like to contribute to the actual topic at hand? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PachiSusan Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 You don't know what my tone is. Your only contribution to this thread so far is pointing out board rules and copyright issues, etc. I am merely asking if there is anything you'd like to contribute to the actual topic at hand? I'm not sure what's going on either, but I saw the link at the start of your post which told me that you didn't write it but that you were copying it from another site. :confused1: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 You don't know what my tone is. Your only contribution to this thread so far is pointing out board rules and copyright issues, etc. I am merely asking if there is anything you'd like to contribute to the actual topic at hand? Heather, God bless you. Enjoy your thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Actually the very first thing I put in my post is a link to the full article on the website where it is originally posted to give credit not only to the author who wrote it but also to the website where it came from. I'm sorry, I think this is my fault. When I said that I thought you'd written it, Heather, I didn't mean that I thought you had failed to attribute the piece. I meant that I literally did not see the link at the beginning (which I'd like to blame on being under-caffeinated but the fact is I seem to be more scatter-brained than usual, lately!). As I glanced through the thread a second time, after posting, I saw the link, and so edited my second post which had been predicated upon my assumption that you wrote the article and was therefore irrelevant. I apologize for failing to clearly put the blame where it belonged, which was on my own haste and inattentiveness. Certainly everywhere I've ever participated online, a link to the original piece has been considered sufficient. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted February 14, 2013 Author Share Posted February 14, 2013 I'm sorry, I think this is my fault. When I said that I thought you'd written it, Heather, I didn't mean that I thought you had failed to attribute the piece. I meant that I literally did not see the link at the beginning (which I'd like to blame on being under-caffeinated but the fact is I seem to be more scatter-brained than usual, lately!). As I glanced through the thread a second time, after posting, I saw the link, and so edited my second post which had been predicated upon my assumption that you wrote the article and was therefore irrelevant. I apologize for failing to clearly put the blame where it belonged, which was on my own haste and inattentiveness. Certainly everywhere I've ever participated online, a link to the original piece has been considered sufficient. No worries! I missed your original post as I was asleep (eastern hemisphere and all!) so I don't know what you wrote anyways! :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Free Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 The article discusses ideas about daughters which are still held by *some* (though not by any means all) people in my part of the world where patriarchy and misogyny still reign. I had no idea though, that there are people still in the post-feminist western world, whose greatest concern is the sexual purity of their daughters or who base their parenting philosophy around preventing their daughters from getting pregnant. :scared: Come to think of it, I do not think I have known or met any parent, even here in conservative India, who would reduce a daughter's identity to a mere uterus. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Seems to me that the author needs to get out more. The only people I've ever known (in *this* country, and in *my* experience) to have such thoughts on having all daughters (or any daughters) are the ones who are incredibly concerned with sexuality on all sorts of levels - uber-conservative Christians. Even out of that set, I still don't see a bunch of them glancing warily at boys and wondering what their intentions are towards their daughters. *snort* Looks like a major exaggeration of a comment someone once said to her. I've got three boys. No daughters. I'm glad that I don't have any daughters. Not scared to have one. But glad that I don't. One reason is because people like this author feed the flames of fear on sexuality by coming at it from the other side. "My daughter is more than an uterus - hear me roar!! Your boys' bits are no more or better! We're not afraid of you!!" Yes, yes. Calm down. Unbunch. There. Better? The majority of the civilized world is already on your side, sweetie. If your circle isn't, make new friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2boysmom Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 I'm sorry, I think this is my fault. When I said that I thought you'd written it, Heather, I didn't mean that I thought you had failed to attribute the piece. I meant that I literally did not see the link at the beginning Me too : ). I also thought Heather wrote it. I was thinking she was quite creative. Doesn't bother me though, just wanted to say perhaps it wasn't clear to some reading, who thought it was just another link. I don't always click on links myself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted February 14, 2013 Share Posted February 14, 2013 I also thought Heather wrote it. It wasn't clear, maybe to some. Same. Usually I see people post a link to an article, a sentence or two about it, and then "Thoughts?". The copy/paste thing threw me. *shrug* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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