not a happy camper right now

[HappyLady]

Today was my DD's 5th birthday party. First, my sister arrives and proceeds to tell me that her 16 year old son now smokes and drinks. I just about cried. I know kids at that age are going to do stupid things, but I look at my nephew like he's one of my own. And the fact that he's smoking really upsets me because my whole family smokes and I can't tell you how many times I saw my father fall to the ground and turn purple because he was coughing so bad from smoking that he couldn't breathe. How my sister could ever smoke after witnessing that is beyond me. Now my nephew..... I'm just so upset and I hope he stops. He actually made an excuse to go to the corner store today to get buy something to drink just so he could smoke. :( And my sister won't make a big deal about him smoking and drinking because she started at 13 with both and doesn't really see anything wrong with it.

 

Then, one of my DH's cousins says to me, in front of a bunch of people, "You know what I find odd? That you have big b00ks." Um, what? Why is it odd that I have big b00ks? Her reasoning was that they were never this big before. They've always been the size that they are, and have been for probably 20 years now. My sister then said, "She got chunky. When you get chunky it goes to your b00ks." Excuse me?? I have been the exact same weight for at least 15 years now, I'm close to 40 and have had 2 kids. I keep in good shape. My sister, my whole life, has put me down at every opportunity. When I was younger I had the worst self esteem, in part because of her, but as an adult I realize her comments come from jealousy. I can't stand when she does this sort of thing because I'm not the type of person to tell her how she's overweight and looks 10 years older than she is. Thankfully, the cousin that thought my b00ks were bigger asked how I was chunky and then proceeded to grab me all around my waist. :glare:

 

The best part of the party, though, was when someone I barely even know comes walking in my house, hands me a bottle of wine, and asks where the birthday girl is so he can give her the balloon he bought for her. He's a friend of my DH's one cousin and that cousin felt it was ok to invite this guy to my 5 year old's birthday party. Now, I've met the guy before at other parties and quite frankly, he's not someone I would ever associate with, much less invite him to my home to be around my kids!

 

Then this guy has the nerve to complain about my dog the whole time and drink all of our beer, which we weren't even serving.

 

But oh, here's the topper. My MIL joined us via Skype for the party and when I sat down to chat with her she goes, "I can't believe you ran out of beer. The "Smiths" (our last name) NEVER run out of beer at parties." First of all, I don't serve alcohol at my kids' birthday parties. I don't see why people feel the need to drink at 1 in the afternoon at a kids' party. But, DH's family all bring booze and drink anyway. And I don't mean beer and wine, I mean hard liquor. Then this guy shows up, who wasn't even invited, and drinks all of our beer and my MIL has the nerve to say something to me??

 

After everyone left I told my DH how I felt about that guy showing up and he doesn't understand why I'm upset. He said that guy is a close friend of the family. Yeah, his cousins' side of the family and he doesn't belong at our DD's 5th birthday party! And the cousin that invited him had no right to invite him without asking us first! My DH was like, "What am I suppose to do, tell "Bob" he can't invite this guy to any other parties?" Uh, yeah!!

 

Please tell me if you think I'm overreacting to any of this because I'm steaming over all of it!

[AK_Mom4]

:grouphug:

 

I have no clue whether you are over reacting, but this would certainly inspire me to stop throwing adult parties.

[GraciebytheBay]

I am speechless... :ohmy: ... No, you are NOT overreacting to ANY of this. If I were you, I'd keep the party much smaller next year and it would be by invitation only, specify no alcohol, and I'd wear a very low cut shirt and flaunt what I have! Sorry this happened at a 5-year old's birthday party. It really is appalling.

[Unicorn.]

Your dh is an idiot. His cousin is an idiot. His mother and the cousin's friend are even bigger idiots. Next year, only invite kids, and don't tell any family, including dh (until the last minute-so he can't invite anyone). You aren't overreacting!

[Tiramisu]

Oh, my! You poor thing! It sounds like the worst party ever, I'm so sorry. I hope your dd had a good time, though. :(

 

And you are not overreacting!!!!

 

ETA: I should say, I'm sure you gave a great party. It just wasn't great for you.

[lmrich]

Are you sure there was not a film crew? It sounds like a bad reality tv show. Ick

[EmilyK]

I couldn't stand to see any of those people again.

 

I would stop having a kid's birthday party be one where it revolves around adults in the family. I think it is "normal' at that age to stop having much of any celebration for extended family (we continued to have a family dinner the day of that grandparents were invited). But the main party is inviting friends, and if you can afford it have it at a no alcohol venue.

 

On the comments you got, can you just respond? If someone told me that they were appalled that I ran out of beer at such a party, I'd say that I don't think serving or drinking alcohol at a kid's party is appropriate and I was upset that anyone drank. and so on. I'm not a difficult person, but I would care so little about preserving relationships with everyone described that I guess I would focus on telling them calmly how inappropriate they were. I've never in my life heard the size of a woman's chest discussed in mixed company, for example, especially with the woman present.

[Dandelion]

I'm sorry. You're not overreacting one bit. I'd be steaming too. :grouphug:

 

Maybe next year, you can have your DH plant an idea in "Cousin Bob's" head that he should throw a party at his house on your DD's birthday (not for DD - just so that they all have something else going on that day). Your sister and your DH's other cousin can hang out there and give unsolicited opinions on everyone's weight and b00k size, while they and all of Bob's friends drink the booze generously supplied by your MIL in keeping with her "NEVER run out" motto. That way, you can have a nice quiet party with just your immediate family. Good grief, what is wrong with people?? :blink: <_< :confused1:

 

I hope that your DD had a great party despite all that. And I'm so sorry about your nephew. Hope you're able to let all of this go and redeem your evening. :grouphug:

[MomatHWTK]

You married into a party family and your DH isn't the odd man out- you may get him to change but it will be a slow process and take lots of patience. (My DH comes from a family with partiers in the extended family but he was the odd ball.) The 16 y.o. is going to do what he sees, he's raised by smokers in a family of smokers that is hard to break from. :grouphug:

[TravelingChris]

I would never again have a child's party involve adults. Next year, she will be six and do a party for her friends, not the assorted weird freaks you have that are family (or not). I would be so angry. I don't think I would be able to be civil. I can certainly understand why you are peaved. But none of these people who are drinking at a kid's afternoon birthday party and sneaking out to buy smokes should be there. I am talking from experience too. My BIL, an alcoholic, didn't like it that we specifically had an alcohol free wedding so that there wouldn't be problems and either him or FIL went out and got beer so that BIL could get totally drunk. That was bad enough but there were no kids at our wedding. Fortunately, my dh joined the AF and we hardly ever saw BIL in the next 27 years. I haven't had any problems missing him and neither has dh, his brother, since BIL added prescription drug abuse to his alcoholism and gambling problems and just became an all out loser.

[jelbe5]

You are not overreacting in my humble opinion. I would be upset at everything that happened to you today if I had been in your shoes.

 

May I suggest the next birthday party be a small intimate affair with just you, dh and your children. That is what we have done for years and it is so peaceful. All my kids have had one or two bigger "family and friends" parties, but usually we have a small celebration where we go out to eat or do a fun family activity for the day (last year my oldest wanted to go to Navy Pier). It is so nice to just spend the day as a family and my kids don't feel they are missing out of the big hoopla.

 

(((Hugs)))

[jhschool]

You are NOT over-reacting!

I would be very, very upset. Everyone was horrible.

 

I am not sure how to keep your party private next year.

Maybe send invitations and don't tell anyone who isn't invited?

And make sure whoever comes knows no alcohol will be served.

 

Our wedding was "No Alcohol" and we had 2 people mad at

us but oh well.

 

And if you are ever in such a situation, when someone takes your

beer, say, "I am sorry, but we are not serving beer--this is a kid's

birthday party" and take the beer back to the fridge. Or hide all

your beer before the party just in case.

[kalanamak]

I might have set fire to a car out front.

[elegantlion]

Dang, wow! Yeah I'd say no more parties with adults.

[Melissa in Australia]

your experience sounds like a horror party to me.

It is so out of the range of normal to me that I can hardly imagine it. I always envisaged young children 's birthday parties as friends of the little child, you know, their age attending, and not adult relatives.

 

if my relatives behaved like that I personally would not be having anything to do with them at all ever again. they all sound like losers

[Word Nerd]

That sounds horrid. Did DD have any fun? I would stick to kids' parties only or just celebrate with your immediate family from now on.

[TranquilMind]

I don't have alcohol in the house, but I can tell you for sure that if I ever had to be around those people, there would be NO alcohol. For a kid's party? REALLY? They can't get through the afternoon of a child's party without drinking?

 

Serious problems there, but you already know that.

 

And your sister is not the sharpest knife in the drawer for condoning the kid's smoking just because she did. Gee, didn't she learn anything? Maybe she doesn't want her kid to make that same mistake!

[Desert Rat]

I feel for ya, Bean. I married into a family that brings their own beer to children's parties. I've never gotten used to it. And they always comment (negatively) on how I'm always so tidy and neat, over-plan parties, am too fat or too thin, etc. Although, I have to say, they've never gone so far as to invite someone to the party. I wouldn't put it past them. Maybe this year.

 

Hugs to you and I raise a glass of wine in your honor.

 

And no, my dh didn't really get it. He sees some of the behavior now. There is hope that he'll come around.

 

I'm sorry your dd's party was ruined for you. Boo!