high stimulation baby...help

[MedicMom]

I need mom help.

My daughter is almost six months. I have never encountered a baby like her before, and I am worn out to the point of exhaustion.

She cries if she is not being stimulated. I don't mean just with someone in the room; she screams if she does not have constant, direct attention. She isn't even that interested in being in a sling or a carrier; she wants to be played with, read to, danced with, constantly.

She never naps. I don't mean that she takes a few naps during the day for short periods of time. I mean she never, never naps. This baby does not need sleep like a normal baby. She has been evaluated by the pediatrician who says she is just a high needs baby; there is nothing physically wrong.

 

I cannot do this anymore. I am working two 24 hour shifts a week, trying to come up with "school" projects for an active two-year-old who begs to do school, and my husband works around eighty hours a week. I am going 48 hours without sleep at a time because this baby needs constant, constant stimulation.

My mom had eight kids and swears she has never seen a child like this before. My two-year-old needed a lot of attention as a baby, but he was happy to play by himself as well.

 

No flames please. Not working is not an option right now. I work twenty-four hours on and have 72 off. I am preparing for a corneal transplant and we are trying to stock away savings for the time I will be off. And I know that two is too young to be worried about school for my toddler, but he is a child who has already taught himself to read and do simple math. He literally begs for "school", so cutting that out for playtime has not really worked well. Believe me, I've tried.

And I hate just letting my daughter cry.

But I don't know what else to do.

[Annie Anne]

I am sorry. Have you tried a mechanical swing or a vibrating/ rocking one?

Can you go to another Dr?

[Parrothead]

Bouncy-busy chair?

[NatashainDFW]

My oldest was this way. I got an exercauser that literally had one toy left on it. He would jump so hard he would lift the thing off the floor. Thankfully it gave me an oppurtunity to at least have free arms even if I did still have to talk to him and bring him the occasional new toy to bang with. Thankfully he outgrew the constant need for attention but he still doesn't play alone well and is on medication for ADHD because without it I am pulling my hair out by noon!

[freesia]

I just want to give you a hug. You brought back memories of my first born who was just like that. It is exhausting and hard for others to believe if they have not had one just like it. They tend to think you can "cure it" someway. You have a VERY social baby who is probably as bright as her brother. I recommend the book Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Kurcinka.

 

On the plus side your child has a sibling so in a year (or maybe less) he should be able to be the playmate she needs allowing you to have a break.

 

However, I was not operating on the schedule you are and I know I would not have been able to cope. My grandmother did give us money to use for babysitting and twice a week I went out for 2 hours to read and swim. I know you said you are saving money but, I think you need to find some way to get help so you can get some rest before you crash. Does dh have to work so much? Can you trade care with someone?

 

eta: my son is not hyperactive at all and does not need my constant attention (but he does prefer to do things together.)

[Upward Journey]

I had something like this contraption hanging in my door way. Because my daughter could rotate to see everything and bounce up and down, she was happy and so were we ;)

 

hmmmmm.....it won't let me attach the picture. So google baby bouncy swing images :)

[MedicMom]

We have tried two exersaucers and a vibrating chair. She will play for a few minutes and then start crying unless someone goes over, sits down and plays with her. It sounds crazy to talk this way about a six month old, but I almost think she gets bored.

 

She has been tested for any physical problems, including food allergies and such. The two pediatricians we've been to don't feel this is physical, because she stops and is a very, very happy baby when she is being played with/read to/etc. All I hear is that some babies simply don't need as much sleep as others. And she sleeps fine at night, once you've worn her out enough.

 

I have a couple times convinced two-year-old brother to use his newfound reading skills to read to her. That seems to help, but he is only two and has the attention span of a flea when it's something he isn't overly interested in.

 

DH's minimum workweek is 60 hours. He has been picking up an extra shift a week because I am going out for an unknown length of time after a corneal transplant on January 3. We are trying to bank extra money for a few weeks. This work schedule is shortlived and I just need to survive it, but I. Am. So. Tired.

 

My MIL offered to come up and play with the kids tomorrow so I can sleep for a little while. I am just totally overwhelmed. The house is a mess, I don't feel either child is getting enough attention, and I have never, ever seen a six-month-old who did not take naps. She has been this way since birth, though. Her first day she slept a total of three hours in the first twenty four. She wanted to talk and be played with right from the start. Even the L&D nurses commented on it.

 

I don't know that I can handle another child as bright as her brother. I adore him to pieces, but he is as intellectually exhausting as she is physically exhausting.

Sometimes I feel like motherhood is nothing more than treading water in the deep end of the pool, just trying not to drown.

[Embassy]

I remember life like that. I had to rig up something new and interesting for my ds if I wanted to take a shower or make a sandwich. The swing worked for a very short time. Mostly he wanted interaction - needed interaction. Car rides required me to sit next to him. I only had one kid at the time and wasn't working so I can't imagine the exhaustion you must be going through. Sleep whenever you can. Can you get help from a local teen who can provide some stimulation while you rest or get something else done? It does get easier as the child grows - especially when the child learns to read. Learning to use the computer was a big deal too. Prior to that having the mobility to explore his world helped too. :grouphug: In the next year you will also get the siblings playing together. It will get easier. Just hang in there.

[CalicoKat]

Sorry, this made me chuckle. My baby like this is not 13. She still doesn't sleep through the night. But she has mellowed out some. I used to wake up with her nose mm's from my own in the pitch black room with her whispering, "You wake Mommy?"

 

:grouphug: :grouphug:

 

We used to put her in the swing, on high, in front of the TV, with the tray stacked full of toys. She'd chuck them around the room and she was happy as a clam.

 

At night she listened to hard rock, no lullabyes for her. If it wasn't thumping then she couldn't "turn it off." Family thought we were nuts. In retrospect I should have turned up the classical music. Meh. DH liked to park her on the floor in front of the speakers. She was in heaven.

 

The big thing we did was to teach her to respect lower energy folks sleep & down time. She's artistic. So during the night time hours she spends a lot of time drawing or sculpting with clay. REAMS of paper sometimes each night. Detailed beautiful pictures. Draw Write Now books were a life saver for a while.

 

Nap time is for me. Until she learned to stay in her room she was on a blanket next to me on the floor. It took a lot of work but eventually she got it.

 

Do you have a YMCA membership? Get her involved in swim lessons, dance, and karate ASAP as she's age-ready. She needs a way to learn other ways to run off her energy other than using you. At the Y, when she's in class or y-watch you can get some personal time too.

 

Channel that little person. She's going to do wonderful things with all that energy. Just have to figure out a way to survive it. :laugh:

[Embassy]

Oh but I am so glad to read some of these other posts. I seriously thought I was the only one on earth with this problem! My "baby" will be 11 in January. He is WONDERFUL now. Granted, he is still intense, but at least he doesn't scream and cry and can entertain himself. LOL

 

So, there is hope, is what I'm saying.

 

 

LOL, mine will be 11 in February. He is intense, but entertains himself and feeds his hunger for stimulation easily now. He couldn't at 6 months though.

[Mom-ninja.]

I also recommend the book above.

[VeritasMama]

My 4th and 6th children were like this. My youngest is now 13 months, and once she could finally walk, around 11 months, things improved dramatically. I have plenty of toys around the room she can access by herself, and now that she can follow the toddler around, they entertain themselves quite well for periods of time. She also finally naps, not everyday but most days. Luckily the car knocks her out, so in a pinch last year during nap time we would climb into the van listen to an audiobook while she slept.

 

My 4th child was a boy, and he is 5 yo now. He is still very intense, but he is very good at keeping himself entertained and stimulated.

 

As for your 2yo, he sounds just like my oldest. Does he need "projects" per se, would he be happy with an "art center" type set up where he can go and draw or cut or stamp on his own, or is it the attention he is after? Does he need direction? My oldest would color and cut on his own for hours, which was a godsend when I needed to tend to a baby. You could just buy a workbook from a store, one of the preschool curriculum workbooks you see at Walmart. You could just open up to a page in the book and not have to spend so much time prepping. In this season of your life, it is alright to set things on auto pilot.

 

I will pray for you. It is an intense and exhausting blur, but keep reminding yourself that this too shall pass!

[freesia]

Oh but I am so glad to read some of these other posts. I seriously thought I was the only one on earth with this problem! My "baby" will be 11 in January. He is WONDERFUL now. Granted, he is still intense, but at least he doesn't scream and cry and can entertain himself. LOL

 

So, there is hope, is what I'm saying.

 

This exactly! (Well, except mine just turned 12.)

[freesia]

We have tried two exersaucers and a vibrating chair. She will play for a few minutes and then start crying unless someone goes over, sits down and plays with her. It sounds crazy to talk this way about a six month old, but I almost think she gets bored.

 

She has been tested for any physical problems, including food allergies and such. The two pediatricians we've been to don't feel this is physical, because she stops and is a very, very happy baby when she is being played with/read to/etc. All I hear is that some babies simply don't need as much sleep as others. And she sleeps fine at night, once you've worn her out enough.

 

I have a couple times convinced two-year-old brother to use his newfound reading skills to read to her. That seems to help, but he is only two and has the attention span of a flea when it's something he isn't overly interested in.

 

DH's minimum workweek is 60 hours. He has been picking up an extra shift a week because I am going out for an unknown length of time after a corneal transplant on January 3. We are trying to bank extra money for a few weeks. This work schedule is shortlived and I just need to survive it, but I. Am. So. Tired.

 

My MIL offered to come up and play with the kids tomorrow so I can sleep for a little while. I am just totally overwhelmed. The house is a mess, I don't feel either child is getting enough attention, and I have never, ever seen a six-month-old who did not take naps. She has been this way since birth, though. Her first day she slept a total of three hours in the first twenty four. She wanted to talk and be played with right from the start. Even the L&D nurses commented on it.

 

I don't know that I can handle another child as bright as her brother. I adore him to pieces, but he is as intellectually exhausting as she is physically exhausting.

Sometimes I feel like motherhood is nothing more than treading water in the deep end of the pool, just trying not to drown.

 

Of course the house is a mess. That's okay right now. It' s not the first priority. I remember motherhood feeling like that when I had all littles. It is completely different now. Really, things will change and it will get easier. The children will stop needing you so much. However, I do feel like I'm drowning when I am exhausted. Let your MIL help as much as possible until things get back to a more normal schedule.

[freesia]

One of mine demanded to be carried around...after a while we realized he was looking for visual stimulation. I put a lot of m lies on the stroller. Indoors I could buy some time if he was positioned to watch the flag wave in the breeze and people walking by.

 

I'd accept that offer of help and hope she will come back. My sib stayed with me for sixth months....his memories are of the laps he walked in the house holding his little buddy who was able to communicate just how high off the floor he wanted to be carried.

We did lots of walks (outside and around the house) too. Mine would lean out or our arms (or the stroller) trying to touch everything. No cuddles for us.

[learningmama]

:grouphug: :grouphug: And more :grouphug: . This was my dd, although she would take a few cat naps. She LOVED watching baby videos (like Baby Einstein) from 3-months on. It held her attention and it was my only sanity for the early years. Having a high needs baby is so hard and almost no one understands. BTDT. :grouphug:

[Halftime Hope]

We hung a Johnny Jumper style swing with a plastic tray similar to this one http://www.albeebaby...CFQf0nAoddSYAgA bolted into a two by six in the middle of the living room ceiling, so that our two last babies had plenty of room to jump and swing without hitting against a doorway or anything hard. I know the AAP came out with a recommendation at some point, worrying about jostling a baby's brain or something like that, but, honestly, you can adjust the height so they can't bounce very hard, and -- frankly-- some kids are going to do WHATEVER it takes to get the stimulation they need.

 

(ETA: that particular baby, the one that would do whatever it took to interest herself, is now working on a 5th semester that will probably be another 4.0 semester, making at least four, maybe five, in a row. She's working on a double major with a minor in a third field. Our nickname for her, coined in the last five years, is The "More" Girl, because she always wants to do it ALL.)

 

Another bonus: I have fond memories of the hours, yes, hours one of my babies logged in that swing over months of use, and my older littles playing every kind of game imaginable with the baby in the swing, since it got the baby up at eye-level of the littles. It was a win-win for all!

[MedicMom]

Thank you all. I so needed to know I am not alone.

I took a nap today. I feel slightly sane again.

 

She will sit next to her brother and watch SuperWhy on the nook tablet. It keeps them both enertained. I know I am a horrible, terrible mother for allowing my six-month-old to watch television, so thank you to the ones who told me that you allowed it, too...and your children did not grow into terrible and dysfunctional human beings because of it.

 

I don't mean to complain. These children are wonderful and I love being their mom. They are just both so...demanding in many ways. So much more than I've ever seen from other children, but it's very difficult to explain. I am glad you all seem to know what I am talking about. I don't feel so very alone now.

[Acorn]

I wish I had "known" you all years ago when I had my oldest. I thought I was a total failure because I could not, no matter what I tried, get him to nap. I cried when I read "Raising your spirited child" to realize that we weren't alone. At seven he exhausts me but it has changed to more mental exhaustion. I am not one who likes (or can afford) constant activities but swimming lessons, soccer teams, gymnastic tumbling classes, etc. have save us.

[kubiac]

Will she watch TV? If yes, get BABY SIGNING TIME and put it on a loop. Good luck. :)

[Sandy in Indy]

My youngest didn't need the stimulation but he did require direct contact with ME 24 hours a day. The only way he napped or slept at night was if I held him. Any time during the day that I wasn't holding him, he screamed. I thought I'd go batty those first months...and I wasn't working. Hang in there. You will survive this eventually. It sounds like you are doing all the things your kids NEED. You're a great mom!

[freesia]

Thank you all. I so needed to know I am not alone.

I took a nap today. I feel slightly sane again.

 

She will sit next to her brother and watch SuperWhy on the nook tablet. It keeps them both enertained. I know I am a horrible, terrible mother for allowing my six-month-old to watch television, so thank you to the ones who told me that you allowed it, too...and your children did not grow into terrible and dysfunctional human beings because of it.

 

I don't mean to complain. These children are wonderful and I love being their mom. They are just both so...demanding in many ways. So much more than I've ever seen from other children, but it's very difficult to explain. I am glad you all seem to know what I am talking about. I don't feel so very alone now.

I am so glad that you got some sleep. It will get better. I promise. I completely know the mixed feelings you have right now about motherhood. I'd been a babysitter, nanny, and then a classroom teacher for a decade before I had kids. I LOVED kids. I really struggled with how much I did not enjoy being a mother with high needs kids (my second was very strong willed and sensory sensitive as a young one.) Keep loving them the best you can, and make sure you give yourself a break (on an emotional as well as physical level.) My kids are a delight now (well, most of the time!)

 

My third and fourth were much, much easier. . . . (like you can even think of that now, right!LOL)

[acurtis75]

Thank you all. I so needed to know I am not alone.

I took a nap today. I feel slightly sane again.

She will sit next to her brother and watch SuperWhy on the nook tablet. It keeps them both enertained. I know I am a horrible, terrible mother for allowing my six-month-old to watch television, so thank you to the ones who told me that you allowed it, too...and your children did not grow into terrible and dysfunctional human beings because of it.

I don't mean to complain. These children are wonderful and I love being their mom. They are just both so...demanding in many ways. So much more than I've ever seen from other children, but it's very difficult to explain. I am glad you all seem to know what I am talking about. I don't feel so very alone now.

 

 

You might try educational apps for "school" for your 2 year old. I have an iPad not a nook but there are lots of apps on the iPad to entertain and stimulate a precocious toddler. There are multiple threads with suggested apps. I would check those out and take advantage of them to help provide some stimulation. The baby could watch as well.

[Citrusheights5]

Aww... 2 of my 6 were this way, and gave me so many grey hairs.... One is 15 and the other 8, so I can NOW remember it fondly. Seriously wish I had advice but it is learning what will help that particular child.. My oldest needed constant chatter companions. To this day she is like this and, well, it's is annoying. When she was little little I found a doll she would talk to.. Took about 4 month and endless store trips until she found a chucky look alike thing she would talk too. (Scared me every night to put her to bed with that monstrosity). Number 3, was high energy and interaction. Walked by 8 months, and the crying and fussing died down but oh my did the trouble just start. I made a point to take pictures if his adventures.. Mostly because it gave me a minute to calm down...before I went crazy.. I wonder if the company I did a video montage of it is still up.. Yup. Here is the link to his adventures..

http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=1447723204d7ebb73031e8&skin_id=601&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url

 

Once he had an outlet (riding his bike 2 wheels no training wheels at 3 years old) things got better.

 

I seriously think my littlest is the same, but I have help. One he had 7 others to watch and talk to and throw things at, and chase and and and, so it was way less mom intensive. He is social, so it didn't have to be ME... I also got an otterbox for an old iPod touch, and let him hit buttons. It was fun for him, kept him happy, and yes he would close the game.. Then scream, but then there were 7 other people to start the game again. If it was all on me , the cost would have be more than the benefit. He is 3, and just started preschool this year. I am so so so very glad because for him, that is the outlet he needed. Good luck and lots and lots of patience and hugs to you. I know you will find what you need to do to figure out your little one.

 

iPad typing sorry.....

[Corraleno]

Oh my, this thread is bringing back soooooo many memories that I thought I'd successfully repressed. :lol:

 

We used to put her in the swing, on high, in front of the TV, with the tray stacked full of toys. She'd chuck them around the room and she was happy as a clam.

 

 

This is exactly what I did with DS! It was the ONE thing (other than me) that would entertain him for 15-20 minutes so I could grab a shower or make a phone call. We had two DVDs that combined classical music with animation — the original Fantasia and one called Opera Imaginaire. I'd pop in the video, crank up the volume, set the swing to warp speed — and then run into another room!

 

OP, have you tried a swing? We had a Johnny Jump Up thing (bouncer that hangs from the doorframe) that was good for about 5 minutes, and an exersaucer that I gave up on (because he would go berserk trying to get the "activity" items to do things they weren't intended to do, lol), but the swing + loud classical music + brightly colored, fast-moving animation was the only combo that would work consistently for more than a few minutes. It saved. my. sanity.

 

He was also a total nonsleeper, and sometimes DH and I would take turns pushing him in the stroller, with the back reclined, while we sat on the sofa. We would push him back and forth, pretty vigorously, for hours at a time while he slept. It got to the point where I could push it with my foot while semi-asleep. As soon as the movement stopped, he would wake up.

 

 

And I know it doesn't really help with your exhaustion and overwhelmed-ness right now, but, like many PPs, I can say that my incredibly exhausting, high-needs baby is now a 6'3" teen who is an absolute delight. Still intense, still needs a lot of stimulation — but he also still really likes to hang out with me, we have real discussions (not just grunts, like my IRL friends complain about), and he still hugs me and tells me he loves me every day. That intense bond we built when he was a baby (not entirely by my choice!) has paid off in the long run, and I wouldn't trade the relationship we have now for all the sleep I missed back then! :)

 

Jackie