I like people, and I want my children to like people.

[Lisa R.]

I'm confused by the amount of energy many on the Hive are expending on their irritation as they go out and about in public.

 

I believe we were created to live in community with others. That starts with family. I also believe that our community can and should be wider than that. While I try to be careful, I'm sure I've annoyed people when I've gone around town. I hope I'm shown grace for those mistakes and try and show grace to others.

 

Sometimes I'm dismayed by the things that people spend lots of energy getting irritated over. One of my main goals for not getting impatient when I'm out with my kids is that I don't want them to see my irritation with lots of (in the big picture of life) small issues.

 

If the checkout girl asks a nosy question or makes a comment about my kids not being in school, who cares? Not my duty to inform or educate. Just be pleasant smile and a vague answer is necessary. Both of us go away feeling pleasant.

 

Question about my family size? Not my duty to inform or educate. Just be pleasant smile and a vague answer is necessary. Both of us go away feeling pleasant.

 

People sitting in the wrong area of the aisle at a public event? Be thankful you're all healthy enough to attend that event with your family.

 

I hope my kids see me being pleasant to strangers we sit next to (not striking up conversations necessarily, but being polite), store employees, neighbors, doctors and nurses, and so on. Most of the time being very pleasant causes others to treat you the same. If it doesn't, it should be a rare exception.

 

I want my kids to like other people. I like other people. That should be a good thing.

 

Ever been around someone easily irritated? Not fun.

[Clear Creek]

I'm confused by the amount of energy many on the Hive are expending on their irritation as they go out and about in public.

 

I believe we were created to live in community with others. That starts with family. I also believe that our community can and should be wider than that. While I try to be careful, I'm sure I've annoyed people when I've gone around town. I hope I'm shown grace for those mistakes and try and show grace to others.

 

Sometimes I'm dismayed by the things that people spend lots of energy getting irritated over. One of my main goals for not getting impatient when I'm out with my kids is that I don't want them to see my irritation with lots of (in the big picture of life) small issues.

 

If the checkout girl asks a nosy question or makes a comment about my kids not being in school, who cares? Not my duty to inform or educate. Just be pleasant smile and a vague answer is necessary. Both of us go away feeling pleasant.

 

Question about my family size? Not my duty to inform or educate. Just be pleasant smile and a vague answer is necessary. Both of us go away feeling pleasant.

 

People sitting in the wrong area of the aisle at a public event? Be thankful you're all healthy enough to attend that event with your family.

 

I hope my kids see me being pleasant to strangers we sit next to (not striking up conversations necessarily, but being polite), store employees, neighbors, doctors and nurses, and so on. Most of the time being very pleasant causes others to treat you the same. If it doesn't, it should be a rare exception.

 

I want my kids to like other people. I like other people. That should be a good thing.

 

Ever been around someone easily irritated? Not fun.

My in-laws. After the second time we had a waiter quit his job and walk out of the restaurant halfway through our meal, we quit having family dinners with them at restaurants.

[shanvan]

I'm confused by the amount of energy many on the Hive are expending on their irritation as they go out and about in public.

 

I believe we were created to live in community with others. That starts with family. I also believe that our community can and should be wider than that. While I try to be careful, I'm sure I've annoyed people when I've gone around town. I hope I'm shown grace for those mistakes and try and show grace to others.

 

Sometimes I'm dismayed by the things that people spend lots of energy getting irritated over. One of my main goals for not getting impatient when I'm out with my kids is that I don't want them to see my irritation with lots of (in the big picture of life) small issues.

 

If the checkout girl asks a nosy question or makes a comment about my kids not being in school, who cares? Not my duty to inform or educate. Just be pleasant smile and a vague answer is necessary. Both of us go away feeling pleasant.

 

Question about my family size? Not my duty to inform or educate. Just be pleasant smile and a vague answer is necessary. Both of us go away feeling pleasant.

 

People sitting in the wrong area of the aisle at a public event? Be thankful you're all healthy enough to attend that event with your family.

 

I hope my kids see me being pleasant to strangers we sit next to (not striking up conversations necessarily, but being polite), store employees, neighbors, doctors and nurses, and so on. Most of the time being very pleasant causes others to treat you the same. If it doesn't, it should be a rare exception.

 

I want my kids to like other people. I like other people. That should be a good thing.

 

Ever been around someone easily irritated? Not fun.

 

I just have to say....I find this post irritating....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just kidding! I couldn't resist. ;)

[MIch elle]

I LIKE your attitude! Thank you!! :hurray:

 

Sometimes I want to call this the "VENT board" not the well-trained mind board.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Some of us can't really help it. It's a personality thing, I think. Believe me, I'd much rather spend less time irritated. It's why I stay home quite a lot. I've tried in the past to squash my irritations and keep a positive attitude. I'm not exaggerating when I say that by the end of a week of that, I'm depressed and weepy and don't want to be around anyone at all, even the people I love.

 

Is it an extreme extrovert thing? A nature/nurture thing? I'm just like my dad, who is just like my grandmother, and my youngest child is just like me. I have no idea how it happens. But I will say that being told to just buck up and let it all go doesn't help, and is, yes, irritating. Sorry! Be glad you have the personality to be able to let that stuff roll off you.

[justLisa]

I don't think everyone venting or irritated at a situation means they hate people and being in public. And lots of times it's not 100% serious. Just venting or something.

 

People annoy me all the time, especially people I don't know that try to be too much in my business. I am nice to everyone in public but I'm not going to act like everyone's bff either. There *are* nutty people in the world, lots of them. I ignore a lot. You mention nosy comments, yeah I ignore those. But I wouldn't blame someone for being irritated. When you act as if a comment is wrong, then the person making the comment knows. I'm not going to smile and hand out roses when someone is being nasty to me. But yes I usually ignore. Unless it has to do with my children. Then watch the out.

 

My kids like people. But not every person in the world.

 

I like lots of people :D

 

Just not all of them

 

Wow. I find myself suddenly annoyed :lol:

Edited October 23, 2012 by 425lisamarie

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I LIKE your attitude! Thank you!! :hurray:

 

Sometimes I want to call this the "VENT board" not the well-trained mind board.

 

Isn't it better to be able to vent here and then go back into the real world with a better attitude?

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I don't think everyone venting or irritated at a situation means they hate people and being in public. And lots of times it's not 100% serious. Just venting or something.

 

People annoy me all the time, especially people I don't know and try to be too much in my business. I am nice to everyone in public but I'm not going to act like everyone's bff either. There *are* nutty people in the world, lots of them.

 

My kids like people. But not every person in the world.

 

I like lots of people :D

 

Just not all of them

 

:lol: :iagree:

[swellmomma]

I think for the most part when I read a message on here I am not seeing that someone showed irritation at the time but rather vented it here. They have not shown or raised their kids to be easily irritated, they have simply shared with friends after the fact. Big difference

 

 

FTR I don't like people as a general rule. That is a combination of personality and life lessons, I liked people enough until I was abuot 7, beyond that not so much, by then the rose coloured glasses were off and I knew the bulk of people in my daily interactions were not worth liking or the energy to like or dislike. I prefer to be left alone to mind my own business. Being polite is one thing, but no one has to be more than that. You can be quite polite while being irritated or setting up boundaries from general public

Edited October 23, 2012 by swellmomma

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I think for the most part when I read a message on here I am not seeing that someone showed irritation at the time but rather vented it here. They have not shown or raised their kids to be easily irritated, they have simply shared with friends after the fact. Big difference

 

I was just going to add something to this effect to my first post, so instead I'll just say :iagree: again :D

[MIch elle]

Isn't it better to be able to vent here and then go back into the real world with a better attitude?

 

:iagree: Sometimes we have no one else to vent to, so this is a safe place for support and that's OK if that's what you really need. But sometimes it's a also downer to read all these vents too.

 

Nobody has a stress free life!

[justLisa]

I'm confused by the amount of energy many on the Hive are expending on their irritation as they go out and about in public.

 

I believe we were created to live in community with others. That starts with family. I also believe that our community can and should be wider than that. While I try to be careful, I'm sure I've annoyed people when I've gone around town. I hope I'm shown grace for those mistakes and try and show grace to others.

 

Sometimes I'm dismayed by the things that people spend lots of energy getting irritated over. One of my main goals for not getting impatient when I'm out with my kids is that I don't want them to see my irritation with lots of (in the big picture of life) small issues.

 

If the checkout girl asks a nosy question or makes a comment about my kids not being in school, who cares? Not my duty to inform or educate. Just be pleasant smile and a vague answer is necessary. Both of us go away feeling pleasant.

 

Question about my family size? Not my duty to inform or educate. Just be pleasant smile and a vague answer is necessary. Both of us go away feeling pleasant.

 

People sitting in the wrong area of the aisle at a public event? Be thankful you're all healthy enough to attend that event with your family.

 

I hope my kids see me being pleasant to strangers we sit next to (not striking up conversations necessarily, but being polite), store employees, neighbors, doctors and nurses, and so on. Most of the time being very pleasant causes others to treat you the same. If it doesn't, it should be a rare exception.

 

I want my kids to like other people. I like other people. That should be a good thing.

 

Ever been around someone easily irritated? Not fun.

 

See no, I DO NOT think it is necessary. In fact if someone asked me why my kids were not in school I'd ask them why they were asking me. I find myself saying "why do you ask" to unnecessary questions.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

:iagree: Sometimes we have no one else to vent to, so this is a safe place for support and that's OK if that's what you really need. But sometimes it's a also downer to read all these vents too.

 

Nobody has a stress free life!

 

I hear you. I've taken board breaks for that reason. The more stressed my real life gets, the less patience I have for some of the stuff that goes on here.

[swellmomma]

Fabulous way to deal with those venting posts. Don't open them. Problem solved. Don't join the conversation, pass on by and find a polly anna post you will enjoy better.

[justLisa]

Fabulous way to deal with those venting posts. Don't open them. Problem solved. Don't join the conversation, pass on by and find a polly anna post you will enjoy better.

 

Yup. And actually in the end we often all end up laughing and passing cupcakes. Really it's like therapy!

[Georgiana Daniels]

Some of us can't really help it. It's a personality thing, I think. Believe me, I'd much rather spend less time irritated. It's why I stay home quite a lot. I've tried in the past to squash my irritations and keep a positive attitude. I'm not exaggerating when I say that by the end of a week of that, I'm depressed and weepy and don't want to be around anyone at all, even the people I love.

 

Is it an extreme extrovert thing? A nature/nurture thing? I'm just like my dad, who is just like my grandmother, and my youngest child is just like me. I have no idea how it happens. But I will say that being told to just buck up and let it all go doesn't help, and is, yes, irritating. Sorry! Be glad you have the personality to be able to let that stuff roll off you.

 

I think it's a nature thing that's enhanced by nurture and one's life experiences. Our three kids are all completely different when it comes to their approach in dealing with people--and yet all are raised by the same parents.

 

For those of us who are introverts, it may be that certain irritants trigger emotions more quickly than those who thrive on being with people. I find being out in public draining and after I've been out there X amount of hours, it doesn't take much to rattle me.

[swellmomma]

Yup. And actually in the end we often all end up laughing and passing cupcakes. Really it's like therapy!

 

exactly! I like posting things here because unlike my irl friends or family I can post at anytime and not be disturbing their time etc, people here can chose to read and talk or they can chose to pass by and I still have gotten it off my chest. Sometimes I just need to release it but it is late at night for example and I can't be phoning someone.

 

For example, last night we got home from the city at midnight. I wanted to talk to someone about the speed demon that nearly ran us off the highway. I certainly would not have called anyone to do so, but if it happened at 4 pm sure I would. I see posting her no different than emailing or phoning friends irl. We ***** and moan about an idiot, have a good laugh and move on to the next topic of interest.

 

It is not about being rude, or teaching kids to be irritated easily. In fact if I didn't do this and just pretended everything was sunshine and roses all teh time I would be doing myself and my kids a disservice by being untrue to myself and not honouring my own emotions about a situation.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I think it's a nature thing that's enhanced by nurture and one's life experiences. Our three kids are all completely different when it comes to their approach in dealing with people--and yet all are raised by the same parents.

 

For those of us who are introverts, it may be that certain irritants trigger emotions more quickly than those who thrive on being with people. I find being out in public draining and after I've been out there X amount of hours, it doesn't take much to rattle me.

 

I'm sure you're right. Add in any sensory issues, and you might have a real mess on your hands! (Ask me how I know :blush:)

[LaxMom]

I generally like people, and want my children to like people, too, but you know what? More and more, I seem to interact with people who are just.not.likable.

 

It doesn't particularly set me off when someone is thoughtless (as in just not aware), or they have an "oops" moment, or when they ask a question, but I have grown terribly weary of the blatantly rude. The member who returned three times to challenge me (loudly) over enforcing a national organization policy that is posted on the wall (and screamed at me, and called me a b*tch. Twice. Then came in to complain about how "rude" I am to my boss), the people who ask an "innocent" question so they can challenge me when I answer (really, I'm sorry that you are absolutely certain that my sons are girls, but as their mother I am actually pretty familiar with which sort of bits they have. I'm not targeting you to make you look foolish, though arguing the point of their gender is doing that nicely), the people who want to park in front of my driveway to visit their friends and harass me for months (turning around in the driveway, spraying gravel, screaming obscenities out their window while they do it) after they are ticketed... Yeah, they can pound sand.

 

And if being fed up with aggressively antisocial, uncivil and just **** unpleasant behaviour makes me a bad person. Well, ok. You should definitely block my posts because I have run out of nice for such interactions.

[justLisa]

exactly! I like posting things here because unlike my irl friends or family I can post at anytime and not be disturbing their time etc, people here can chose to read and talk or they can chose to pass by and I still have gotten it off my chest. Sometimes I just need to release it but it is late at night for example and I can't be phoning someone.

 

For example, last night we got home from the city at midnight. I wanted to talk to someone about the speed demon that nearly ran us off the highway. I certainly would not have called anyone to do so, but if it happened at 4 pm sure I would. I see posting her no different than emailing or phoning friends irl. We ***** and moan about an idiot, have a good laugh and move on to the next topic of interest.

 

It is not about being rude, or teaching kids to be irritated easily. In fact if I didn't do this and just pretended everything was sunshine and roses all teh time I would be doing myself and my kids a disservice by being untrue to myself and not honouring my own emotions about a situation.

 

Yeah! See? I'm already UN irritated :lol:

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

I generally like people, and want my children to like people, too, but you know what? More and more, I seem to interact with people who are just.not.likable.

 

It doesn't particularly set me off when someone is thoughtless (as in just not aware), or they have an "oops" moment, or when they ask a question, but I have grown terribly weary of the blatantly rude. The member who returned three times to challenge me (loudly) over enforcing a national organization policy that is posted on the wall (and screamed at me, and called me a b*tch. Twice. Then came in to complain about how "rude" I am to my boss), the people who ask an "innocent" question so they can challenge me when I answer (really, I'm sorry that you are absolutely certain that my sons are girls, but as their mother I am actually pretty familiar with which sort of bits they have. I'm not targeting you to make you look foolish, though arguing the point of their gender is doing that nicely), the people who want to park in front of my driveway to visit their friends and harass me for months (turning around in the driveway, spraying gravel, screaming obscenities out their window while they do it) after they are ticketed... Yeah, they can pound sand.

 

And if being fed up with aggressively antisocial, uncivil and just **** unpleasant behaviour makes me a bad person. Well, ok. You should definitely block my posts because I have run out of nice for such interactions.

 

Oh dear :( Again, this is why I stay home a lot *sigh*

[Alte Veste Academy]

I LIKE your attitude! Thank you!! :hurray:

 

Sometimes I want to call this the "VENT board" not the well-trained mind board.

 

:iagree: Many times I wish there was a General Homeschool board and a General Chat board.

[Lisa R.]

 

FTR I don't like people as a general rule. That is a combination of personality and life lessons, I liked people enough until I was abuot 7, beyond that not so much, by then the rose coloured glasses were off and I knew the bulk of people in my daily interactions were not worth liking or the energy to like or dislike. I prefer to be left alone to mind my own business. Being polite is one thing, but no one has to be more than that. You can be quite polite while being irritated or setting up boundaries from general public

 

Yes, this is what I'm talking about. I think it would be unfortunate if our kids saw in us that, "we don't like people as a general rule."

 

Warmth, community, friendliness beyond politeness--I hope my kids see that I value these things as I go about my days and weeks.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

:iagree: Many times I wish there was a General Homeschool board and a General Chat board.

 

Isn't that pretty much what we have now? I almost never ask actual HSing questions on this board anymore. I read and post here for general things and ask HS-specific questions on the K-8 or Logic Stage boards.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Yes, this is what I'm talking about. I think it would be unfortunate if our kids saw in us that, "we don't like people as a general rule."

 

Warmth, community, friendliness beyond politeness--I hope my kids see that I value these things as I go about my days and weeks.

 

I believe my kids see that in me, and I actively teach them that. However, I also let them see that I'm annoyed when someone has done something impolite or dangerous (driving seems to be growing increasingly frightening around here). I even point out things that people do for the express purpose of teaching my kids why we shouldn't do it. I don't make excuses for people or smile and laugh off bad behavior or rudeness. I'm not sure if that makes me a bad person or not, but it's who I am.

 

I also think you're reacting to only one side of the stories you see here. Again, just because someone is annoyed about the aisle sitters doesn't mean they're grumbling to their children or sniping at the "offenders" or kicking shins as they go by. Some of us are more than capable of grumbling in our heads while we speak polite words and paste a smile on our faces. Just because we're commiserating here doesn't mean that we're making other people's lives hell.

[pdalley]

Some of us can't really help it. It's a personality thing, I think. Believe me, I'd much rather spend less time irritated. It's why I stay home quite a lot. I've tried in the past to squash my irritations and keep a positive attitude. I'm not exaggerating when I say that by the end of a week of that, I'm depressed and weepy and don't want to be around anyone at all, even the people I love.

 

Is it an extreme extrovert thing? A nature/nurture thing? I'm just like my dad, who is just like my grandmother, and my youngest child is just like me. I have no idea how it happens. But I will say that being told to just buck up and let it all go doesn't help, and is, yes, irritating. Sorry! Be glad you have the personality to be able to let that stuff roll off you.

 

 

:iagree:

 

A lot of my irritation at being around people is something I only discuss online and in certain places. I am very polite IRL and do not take offense to every single comment or remark. As I have three boys on the autism spectrum and we homeschool I get a lot of them.

 

But I do not think the way most people think. So it's confusing and puzzling and takes a huge amount of effort to be polite and ignore comments that are digs.

 

I really wish I had the personality to enjoy people. Believe me I've tried and spent a lot of time in therapy and have come to the conclusion you either have that enjoyment or you don't. However it does not excuse being rude and we teach our kids that. Even if someone is rude first.

 

Now I refuse to be bullied. The only person that I allowed to do that died last Dec and I only permitted it because she was my mother. My tolerance for that died with her. But other things I let roll off my shoulders and vent about in private.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

One comes out and tells me what was wrong with it and how he felt he was being ignored or didn't feel a part of the group. The other kid tells me what a wonderful time he had and he was really part of the group.

 

Oh, my two are just the same. My oldest is cheerful and positive, and my youngest...is not.

[Alte Veste Academy]

Isn't that pretty much what we have now? I almost never ask actual HSing questions on this board anymore. I read and post here for general things and ask HS-specific questions on the K-8 or Logic Stage boards.

 

Well, back when I first started out here in 2008, it seemed like more people posted general questions about HS to the general board, the stated purpose of which is, "for general questions about classical education methods, teaching techniques, readiness, supplemental activities, field trips, assessments, frustrations, online resources, etc. or just for hanging out and chatting!" It now seems to have evolved to mostly the latter two of those purposes. Yes, most people post their HS questions on K-8, because they realize those posts will get buried very quickly on the G-board. But there are just enough posted here to make me feel like I am missing something by not visiting, not to mention posts that border HS/Real Life, like favorite new reads, documentaries, scheduling, organization, etc. But when I do visit the G-board, I never cease to be amazed at the overwhelming number of nit-picky posts. Yes, this can be a place of incredible support. But it is also frequently a place of an amazing amount of whining.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Yes, this is what I'm talking about. I think it would be unfortunate if our kids saw in us that, "we don't like people as a general rule."

 

Warmth, community, friendliness beyond politeness--I hope my kids see that I value these things as I go about my days and weeks.

 

Maybe you could extend that warmth, community, and friendliness beyond politeness to swellmomma instead of telling her that what her kids see in her is unfortunate and not as good what your kids see in you?

 

I don't see much effectiveness in preaching when the object is to prove oneself superior to others and therefore worth emulating.

 

Something about the tone of the original post annoyed me slightly, and I wondered why, since I agree with you that constant venting is negative and useless. I also think it's silly to be bothered all day by petty interactions with complete strangers. So why did the OP annoy me, if I agree with your basic premise? I'm annoyed because the other half of your sermonette is, "Look at me, because I am sweet and pleasant. Try it, you might like it. It will be a nice change for you all."

 

That's annoying.

[Perry]

I am an extreme introvert, but I don't dislike people at all. I believe for the most part people are good and are doing the best with what they have. There are some real jerks, but I don't give them any power to ruin my day. I just smile and move on, and it's quickly forgotten. Venting has never worked for me; I always end up feeling worse and dirty and guilty.

 

Isn't it better to be able to vent here and then go back into the real world with a better attitude?

Everything I've read recently suggests no, it isn't better. Venting actually seems to make people angrier and unhappier.

 

Does Venting Anger Feed or Extinguish the Flame?

Catharsis, Rumination, Distraction,

Anger, and Aggressive Responding

Brad J. Bushman

Iowa State University

Does distraction or rumination work better to diffuse anger?

Catharsis theory predicts that rumination works best, but empirical

evidence is lacking. In this study, angered participants hit a

punching bag and thought about the person who had angered

them (rumination group) or thought about becoming physically

fit (distraction group). After hitting the punching bag, they

reported how angry they felt. Next, they were given the chance to

administer loud blasts of noise to the person who had angered

them. There also was a no punching bag control group. People in

the rumination group felt angrier than did people in the distraction

or control groups. People in the rumination group were also

most aggressive, followed respectively by people in the distraction

and control groups. Rumination increased rather than

decreased anger and aggression. Doing nothing at all was more

effective than venting anger. These results directly contradict

catharsis theory.

Some of us can't really help it. It's a personality thing, I think.

Sure, personality is involved, but people can learn better ways to cope with annoyances.

 

But sometimes it's a also downer to read all these vents too.

:iagree: Edited October 23, 2012 by Perry

[swellmomma]

I believe my kids see that in me, and I actively teach them that. However, I also let them see that I'm annoyed when someone has done something impolite or dangerous (driving seems to be growing increasingly frightening around here). I even point out things that people do for the express purpose of teaching my kids why we shouldn't do it. I don't make excuses for people or smile and laugh off bad behavior or rudeness. I'm not sure if that makes me a bad person or not, but it's who I am.

 

I also think you're reacting to only one side of the stories you see here. Again, just because someone is annoyed about the aisle sitters doesn't mean they're grumbling to their children or sniping at the "offenders" or kicking shins as they go by. Some of us are more than capable of grumbling in our heads while we speak polite words and paste a smile on our faces. Just because we're commiserating here doesn't mean that we're making other people's lives hell.

 

Exactly! For example the idiot that nearly ran us off the road last night I was certainly not going to sing kumbayaa about with my kids. No they saw me irritated. That does not mean I was ranting and raving etc. We discussed how many laws the guy broke with his reckless driving and how that affected us and other drivers on the road.

 

See when I say I don't like people as a general rule, it is because of the people such at the OP that want to condemn everyone else for not be as good as her. I help others, I raise my kids to be polite, and kind and helpful. I raise them to have empathy and compassion. I do not raise them to be doormats and be mistreated by the general public in order to crap out rainbows, nor to proclaim how much better they are than everyone else because they can plaster a smile on and pretend everything is hunky dory. I raise them to be true to themselves, to respect their own emotions and feelings as much as they are raised to respect those of other people. I raise them to see that yes I get frustrated and irritated and angry and how to appropriately deal with those emotions rather than pretend they don't exist at all which is a very unhealthy thing to do imo.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Maybe you could extend that warmth, community, and friendliness beyond politeness to swellmomma instead of telling her that what her kids see in her is unfortunate and not as good what your kids see in you?

 

I don't see much effectiveness in preaching when the object is to prove oneself superior to others and therefore worth emulating.

 

Something about the tone of the original post annoyed me slightly, and I wondered why, since I agree with you that constant venting is negative and useless. I also think it's silly to be bothered all day by petty interactions with complete strangers. So why did the OP annoy me, if I agree with your basic premise? I'm annoyed because the other half of your sermonette is, "Look at me, because I am sweet and pleasant. Try it, you might like it. It will be a nice change for you all."

 

That's annoying.

 

I agree. I think it also bothered me because I've spent many years disliking who I am and berating myself for all my flaws. That's not a good way to live, and it's not productive in any way. I'm working hard to accept myself for who I truly am, because after this many years, I'm probably not going to change much! So to see yet another "You're what's wrong with this world" type of post rankles. People are who they are, and it takes all kinds to make the world go round. So just extend the kindness and compassion you want others to show and let the grumps roll off you if you're so good at it. We're doing the best we can, I promise you that!

[swellmomma]

Maybe you could extend that warmth, community, and friendliness beyond politeness to swellmomma instead of telling her that what her kids see in her is unfortunate and not as good what your kids see in you?

 

I don't see much effectiveness in preaching when the object is to prove oneself superior to others and therefore worth emulating.

 

Something about the tone of the original post annoyed me slightly, and I wondered why, since I agree with you that constant venting is negative and useless. I also think it's silly to be bothered all day by petty interactions with complete strangers. So why did the OP annoy me, if I agree with your basic premise? I'm annoyed because the other half of your sermonette is, "Look at me, because I am sweet and pleasant. Try it, you might like it. It will be a nice change for you all."

 

That's annoying.

 

 

Exactly! It's like boasting that you are the most humble person in your church.

[justLisa]

Yes, this is what I'm talking about. I think it would be unfortunate if our kids saw in us that, "we don't like people as a general rule."

 

Warmth, community, friendliness beyond politeness--I hope my kids see that I value these things as I go about my days and weeks.

 

 

Now I'm annoyed again.

 

Quick, someone say something not annoying to me.

 

I also think there is some value in "our" kids seeing "Oh, mom is nice but she isn't ready to hop on the naive train and believe everyone is roses and sunshine." I don't want my kids easily manipulated.

 

There is a such thing as cautiously pleasant.

[swellmomma]

Now I'm annoyed again.

 

Quick, someone say something not annoying to me.

 

 

Want to know what annoys me?? Winter. Who the heck wants to see up a kilt in the winter. Everything all shrunken and frozen. No thanks.

[justLisa]

I like bacon.

 

:D:D

[justLisa]

Want to know what annoys me?? Winter. Who the heck wants to see up a kilt in the winter. Everything all shrunken and frozen. No thanks.

 

Bahahaha. I hate winter too. So freaking cold.

 

Pass the cupcakes please? Hey it's like pass the bean dip, but pass the cupcakes. There, that sounds better.

[Garga]

There are probably a lot of factors involved.

 

When I was young (teens/twenties) I was socially inept and I hated people. I would have called myself a complete introvert. I couldn't stand being around anybody and in my mind everyone was mean and irritating. This is because I started being bullied in 4th grade and it didn't stop until I got out of school. 8 years of bullying made me an introverted, suspicious person.

 

But after a few years of being out of school, I started to change. By the time I was in my late twenties, I was stabilized. Not an introvert, not an extrovert, and felt pretty neutral toward people.

 

Now? Now, I'll be 40 at the end of the year and I consider myself very extroverted, make friends very easily, have an overly-active social life and find that most of the people I meet are sweet and caring and I love them all.

 

What in the world? How did that happen? :tongue_smilie: I'm not sure, and even if I knew, there wouldn't be room to type it all out here.

 

I do know that I grew up in a city, moved to the suburbs and now I live in a rural area. I wonder if that's a big part of it. There are fewer people here, and they live a slower pace of life. Or was I always an extrovert who had been crushed from the bullying and it took this long for my true nature to bloom? Did I mature? Does everyone change this dramatically over their lifetime? I just don't know.

 

Interesting thread, being that I've been on both sides. From hating people to loving them.

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

Everything I've read recently suggests no, it isn't better. Venting actually seems to make people angrier and unhappier...

 

Sure, personality is involved, but people can learn better ways to cope with annoyances.

 

OK, well, once again, that doesn't work for me. I don't vent all that much, really, but if it needs to get out, keeping it in doesn't do anything to help me. And the OP wasn't really referring to venting, she was referring more to irritation. I can't help my irritation. It comes whether I want it to or not. And pretending it's not there or telling myself I shouldn't feel it or that I should ignore it is utterly counterproductive for me.

 

And again, just because we're grumbling internally doesn't mean that we're coping poorly in real life. My coping skills are fine. I often wonder how I have so many good friends and why so many people want to spend time with me, because I'm so grumpy in my own head! I guess I hide it pretty well. But denial, to myself, of my real feelings accomplishes nothing at all.

 

 

I have had friends that call me to vent about things constantly. They don't stay my friends for long. It makes me feel icky.

 

I don't disagree with you, actually. But that's why forums like this can be useful. If I don't feel like patting someone on the shoulder, I just scroll on by.

[GWOB]

Maybe you could extend that warmth, community, and friendliness beyond politeness to swellmomma instead of telling her that what her kids see in her is unfortunate and not as good what your kids see in you?

 

I don't see much effectiveness in preaching when the object is to prove oneself superior to others and therefore worth emulating.

 

Something about the tone of the original post annoyed me slightly, and I wondered why, since I agree with you that constant venting is negative and useless. I also think it's silly to be bothered all day by petty interactions with complete strangers. So why did the OP annoy me, if I agree with your basic premise? I'm annoyed because the other half of your sermonette is, "Look at me, because I am sweet and pleasant. Try it, you might like it. It will be a nice change for you all."

 

That's annoying.

 

:iagree: Glad to know I wasn't the only one who felt annoyed by the tone of the OP.

 

(And the :iagree: sign is redundant in this case, since my siggy clearly states that I agree with everything you and Mrs. mungo say:tongue_smilie:)

[elegantlion]

I like bacon.

 

I like wine

I like people, sometimes. :D

 

I also think a lot of people are polite IRL, and need someone to vent to so they don't lose their cool.

[Alte Veste Academy]

I am an extreme introvert, but I don't dislike people at all. I believe for the most part people are good and are doing the best with what they have. There are some real jerks, but I don't give them any power to ruin my day. I just smile and move on, and it's quickly forgotten. Venting has never worked for me; I always end up feeling worse and dirty and guilty.

 

Everything I've read recently suggests no, it isn't better. Venting actually seems to make people angrier and unhappier.

 

Sure, personality is involved, but people can learn better ways to cope with annoyances.

 

I have had friends that call me to vent about things constantly. It makes me feel icky.

 

Thanks for posting this! Interesting. From my own experience, "misery loves company" is definitely true. The thing is that a lot of company doesn't like misery. Real misery, sure, I'm absolutely there for you. But constant, minor, nit-picky misery? Moving on...

[Alte Veste Academy]

Fabulous way to deal with those venting posts. Don't open them. Problem solved. Don't join the conversation, pass on by and find a polly anna post you will enjoy better.

 

I'm LOL here. Really. Wouldn't the boards be a better place sometimes if we all did this? I mean, probably a dozen of us in this thread need to walk away right now, because it's going to get ugly. People are already worked up and annoyed. You had the choice to click on this link too. And you had the choice not to click on the link about compliments on well-behaved kids last week. It would be a better world all around if we all just practiced what we preached. :lol:

[Garga]

Everything I've read recently suggests no, it isn't better. Venting actually seems to make people angrier and unhappier.

 

I have found this to be true for the most part, in my own life. Not to judge or tell anyone what to do, but for me personally, venting or complaining makes the irritation last longer.

 

Unless I can turn it into a really funny story. Then it helps.

[justLisa]

I think it should be "pass the bacon". :D

 

"Pass the bacon and/or cupcakes vegan options available."

[TranquilMind]

I don't think everyone venting or irritated at a situation means they hate people and being in public. And lots of times it's not 100% serious. Just venting or something.

 

...

Wow. I find myself suddenly annoyed :lol:

 

Ha. I try to be pleasant out in the world. You have to be today, or someone will shoot you.

 

While I find the constant whiners and sky-is-falling people annoying, I do understand an occasional vent is necessary, and better here than at the family. So if I'm not in the mood to hear it, I just move on. But sometimes it really helps to hear that others have gone through it (talking serious vents here, not just minor ones).

[Lisa R.]

:iagree: Glad to know I wasn't the only one who felt annoyed by the tone of the OP.

 

 

 

In a twisted way, this is sort of humorous.

 

I guess telling people that are easily irritated that it might be better if they were not so easily irritated--is *really* irritating.

 

No offense to anybody here. Really. I did not mean to come across that I was a shining example to follow. Fortunately my dc are not reading this and rolling their eyes as they have seen their share of irritation coming from me at times.

 

I just think people here like other people much more than they think they do. This is evidenced by the amount of board posts hive members make here. This *is* a type of community.

 

:tongue_smilie:

[ILiveInFlipFlops]

But when I do visit the G-board, I never cease to be amazed at the overwhelming number of nit-picky posts. Yes, this can be a place of incredible support. But it is also frequently a place of an amazing amount of whining.

 

This describes every online forum I've ever spent time on. Literally. I left Mothering.com for this reason. I've joined and left several others as well. Anytime I do any online research and wind up on a message board, I leave shaking my head over the way people talk and treat each other. I think this is the nature of online message boards. They are an anonymous, safe space to let loose with things people probably would never express in real life. (Or maybe they would, but then I wouldn't be spending much time around them in real life!)

[Alte Veste Academy]

I guess telling people that are easily irritated that it might be better if they were not so easily irritated--is *really* irritating.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

[justLisa]

I'm easily irritated at all. It takes quite a lot, in fact.