saraha Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 How do you deal with the "It's too much work" said on a morning when the only requirements were math, dishes and getting dressed. Or "It's not fair, why isn't x in here helping" when asked to do something. "I don't have enough time to do what I want to do" when they have at least 2 hours every afternoon just to themselves? I don't run a rigorous program here, in fact I think they have it pretty darn easy. So how do you deal with the bellyaching? This morning when it started with 11dd, I explained to her how what she was saying was inaccurate, which led to more whining, which lead to me saying if she was going to keep repeating herself, I was going to start be a smart aleck back ( I know) and ended with her throwing a tantrum and having 2 chores added to her day. Each one added individually because she just KEPT TALKING instead of doing the dishes like she was asked. This escalated way out of control and happens frequently. With the other kids, usually the threat of extra work at least sends their grumbling underground, but this kid has to win at all costs. And if one more child of mine whines "Its not fair...." one more time, I am going to blow a gasket. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I say "wah." in a bland tone of voice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Does your 11yo know my 12yo? I feel your pain, sistah. No advice, just sympathy. I'm about to put myself in time out. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Have you tried saying: I am sorry, there must be a miscommunication here. I didn't ask you to do it. I told you to do it. I'll try to be more clear next time. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to clear that up. I got that from another mom here. I say it (actually, now I point to the sign) and walk away. As for the why isn't x here helping, my standard answer is "I don't discuss you with x and I won't discuss x with you. Focus on what you have to do." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoxcell Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I have a list of things the kids can get X's for and that is one of them. One X earns them no TV or electronics for the rest of the day. 2 x's would be longer and 3 means for the rest of the week. They also might end up with an earlier bedtime or more chores depending on the severity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I note that I didn't ask a question. If feeling onery I might even give a mini lecture on the differences between the 4 types of sentences. :p I tell them what other people are doing is not their concern. Suck it up buttercup. We cannot do X until this is done. If this is not done by blank time then we can't do X. Or the nearly instant compliance option of: It seems you are having a hard time with this or you are choosing to be obnoxious. I don't want to think you would be so unhelpful and inconsiderate, so I have to presume you just need to practice until it's easer. I wonder what other chores I could give you to practice.....or maybe you should do this one again or.... Usually it only takes one or two times of doubling a chore for them to catch on it's easier to just get it done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adrienne_in_TX Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Toilet scrubbing . (Is it bad that sometimes I wish somebody would argue so that I could pass off the toilet job?:lol:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I say "wah." in a bland tone of voice. Ha! Occasionally I will just look at them and play the tiniest violin pity song for them by holding up my thumb and pointer finger and rubbing them together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsH Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Love all these ideas! My dd10 does the same thing some days, it's crazy making! It doesn't help that I see "laziness" as pretty much the worst character flaw, and it's easily ascribed to her when she behaves like that! So on top of a strategy to help deal with it, I have to work really hard to remind myself to see her for who she is as a complete person and all the valuable wonderful things she brings to our family... I also try to not allow it in the moment (adding on chores to "practice" is a great one!) , but then I do try to create an opportunity to discuss her sense of unfairness with her. By the end of the day she's usually a lot more reasonable, though occasionally our chats have resulted in us doing things a little differently. I do want her to feel heard and understood, I don't want to deal with whining and complaining all day long! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 If I am near my computer I may click on the drama button: http://www.dramabutton.com/ They really hate that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Oh or the dramatic exclamation of: Ohmegerd! *hand fainting to forehead*You poor ragged hungry illiterate war ravaged deprived child! *Grab them and clasp them in a bosum crushing hug* Oh wait.. That's millions of OTHER kids. You are the kids who has a life a privilege and opportunity and loving familial support. Suck it up buttercup. Laughter puts many things in perspective. ;) ETA: I have no idea why the board keeps adding those thumb downs to my posts. I am not putting them on there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 "Hmmmm yeah a pitty, gee I wonder what your friends are doing....Oh wait! They had to catch the bus 2 hours ago and you're still in your jammies." Yeah probably sucks but I compare them to PS students all the time. I have even offered to drive them there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Oh or the dramatic exclamation of: Ohmegerd! *hand fainting to forehead*You poor ragged hungry illiterate war ravaged deprived child! *Grab them and clasp them in a bosum crushing hug* Oh wait.. That's millions of OTHER kids. You are the kids who has a life a privilege and opportunity and loving familial support. Suck it up buttercup. Laughter puts many things in perspective. ;) I am TOTALLY stealing this. Totally! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I explained to her how what she was saying was inaccurate, which led to more whining I don't explain any more. They are operating from emotion, not logic, so trying to be logical wastes my time and sucks me into an argument. I say (in a nutshell): "(Task) is my expectation. I'm not going to argue or fuss with you. If the task is not done by (whatever time) the consequence will be (consequence). I love you." Later, if I think the situation warrants it (many times it's just a bad moment and I let it go), I will offer an explanation or discuss their reasoning. Out of the moment, the child can often see the illogic, but in the moment....man, my kids will stick to their guns! I also sometimes try to defuse a situation with humor. It doesn't even have to be elaborate...raised eyebrows with a "Dude, are you serious???" look often makes my Eeyore crack a smile no matter how hard he tries to stay grumpy. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammi K Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 I am sorry, there must be a miscommunication here. I didn't ask you to do it. I told you to do it. I'll try to be more clear next time. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to clear that up. :lol::lol::lol::lol: Love it! I usually say, "Oh, I'm sorry. Did that sound like a request?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halcyon Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 when my kids moan about the workload, i add more. they dont do it much anymore :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Suck it up, buttercup. Life isn't fair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Oh or the dramatic exclamation of: Ohmegerd! *hand fainting to forehead*You poor ragged hungry illiterate war ravaged deprived child! *Grab them and clasp them in a bosum crushing hug* Oh wait.. That's millions of OTHER kids. You are the kids who has a life a privilege and opportunity and loving familial support. Suck it up buttercup. Laughter puts many things in perspective. ;) ETA: I have no idea why the board keeps adding those thumb downs to my posts. I am not putting them on there. I'm stealing this!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Critterfixer Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Cue music. "You caint always get what you want...." And I usually dance. That's punishment enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justLisa Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 I'm stealing this!!! I've been trying to repeat it to myself so I remember :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 Cue music."You caint always get what you want...." And I usually dance. That's punishment enough. I like "I can't get no satisfaction!" This morning I yelled at the 3 yr old, "Don't make me dance like Jagger!" She hasn't a clue what that means, but it was enough to get her to put her shoes on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflections Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 Oh or the dramatic exclamation of: Ohmegerd! *hand fainting to forehead*You poor ragged hungry illiterate war ravaged deprived child! *Grab them and clasp them in a bosum crushing hug* Oh wait.. That's millions of OTHER kids. You are the kids who has a life a privilege and opportunity and loving familial support. Suck it up buttercup. Laughter puts many things in perspective. ;) ETA: I have no idea why the board keeps adding those thumb downs to my posts. I am not putting them on there. I like this.:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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