Small children and mass

[PRTGSw2K]

I grew up as a Catholic. My family was very involved in the church, went every Sunday, taught CCD, etc. I never truly felt connected though, so I ended up leaving the church and became a non-practicing Catholic.

 

FF a few years and I start to feel God calling me back. So we decide to try a friends non-denominational Christian church. We love it, the kids love it, I can feel His presence and we're happy.

 

Recently, I've been feeling Him pull me back to the RCC. I tried attending mass with my kids and it was a disaster. They were both squirmy, and DD especially would not stay still or be quiet. It was distracting to others and I wasn't able to pay any attention b/c of her. I ended up leaving as the priest was saying the homily. (DH wasn't with me today).

 

My kids love our church, are happy there, and don't know anything else. How can I make this transition easier? I was so frustrated and upset when we left mass today. I'm also scared that they will lose their close relationship they now have with God and feel like I did as a child.

 

Sorry about the ramblings. My emotions are a mess right now and I just need some gentle advice.

[K&Rs Mom]

Like everything else, it takes practice. If they're not used to it, there will be a transition period, but it will get better in time. Is your dh going to go with you in the future? It's easier to step out with one child who needs it if you can leave the other there. Or if you need to make the transition first, then start bringing the kids, have dh stay home with them until you're ready.

 

When they do go, help them understand what's going on (I've learned a lot from what I've had to explain to dc too). Tell them to listen or look for one particular event, and when they notice that one, add another..... All the sit/stand/kneel I think makes it easier on kids - a bit of built in movement. Mine always looked forward to going for a walk at communion time. ;)

[PRTGSw2K]

Thank you. DH said he's willing to go with us and learn more about Catholicism. He just wasn't able to make it today.

 

What do you think about children's liturgical services rather than regular mass?

[renmew]

I was going to say the same thing about bringing just the oldest first. Once they have it, then the younger one will have a good role model in their sibling and you will only have to worry about the one.

 

I recently returned, and my kids also had a rough time transitioning, because at the Lutheran Church we were going to the kids didn't even attend Mass. They went downstairs to Sunday school, and I could enjoy the service.

 

On the way to Mass now we talk about what kind of behavior is expected and how to get an 'A'... yes, I grade my children on their Mass behavior. But it usually works, especially with the older two. Also, don't bring snacks or small toys.they just create noise and chaos. I bring a few small, religious themed books and that's it. And I don't sit next to any families with young children if I can help it... Except for my bff's family, because her kids are soooo rowdy (God love them, I do) that my kids watch their misbehavior in stunned silence.

 

Have fun! Remember, Jesus LOVED the little children.

[PRTGSw2K]

renmew-that is the same situation here. At our current church, they each go to their own Sunday School class with a kids service. Mass is just SO different.

[TravelingChris]

I don't know how it is going to work. Maybe try another church that is more liturgical but has a good children's program. I don't know if any Catholic churches have children's church.

 

All I wanted to caution you about is that going to boring church drove all of my dh's brothers and him and all of my siblings out of the RCC. Almost all never attended church again. DH and I decided that being fed spiritually and having our kids fed spiritually was what was most important. My sister left but only rarely attended. So out of 7 kids forced to go to boring church, 5 either left completely or just very minimally went. THe 2 others changed churches. Yes, this is a small group but I have been in many churches with many former Catholics and boredom in church was one of the most common complaints. THe other was lack of spiritual teaching.

[Murphy101]

First, it's okay. She is 3 years old as anyone can tell. If all she did was squirm in the pew and "whisper" questions and comments (bc really we all know 3 yr olds don't actually know how to whisper;) ) - then she was behaving just fine and as one would expect. I suspect you were more self conscious about it than others. Though there are a few folks in any church that just seem to be annoyed with wee ones that aren't imitating statues. Ignore those folks. They have their own issues going on and it's not really about you.

 

Now for some other practical tips:

 

If it really bothers you, it might be less stressful to use the crying room or the nursery for just the 3 year old. At least until you and 6 year old find a rhythm. I'm not a fan of the crying room personally, but I suppose it is there bc it helps others.

 

Come prepared to participate as much as you can with your kids. Mass is not a spectator event. This goes triple for children. Sit right up front where they can "see the action". Took me a few years to scrounge up the courage to do that, but I'm glad I did bc it helped tremendously. In most parishes, just sitting there for a child is a feast for the soul. Mom, who is that picture of that woman? Mom, why are there candles? Mom, what is that "box" in the wall? Mom, why is he wearing a different color than last week? Mom.. Mom... Mom.. There is usually only a 20 minute homily. But it's an immersion event. There is very literally nothing around you or happening that is not spiritually related to our faith. IME, most little kids aren't bored when they first go. There is so much to see and learn. They get bored because no one is answering their questions or telling them what is going on. (You might not be doing that, but I see it often.)

 

Try different mass times. Sometimes there is a big difference in the "tone" of a mass. The earliest mass might have less music, be quieter and more formal. An evening 5:00pm mass might be everyone in shorts and more upbeat music or have a children's mass, which again, not my thing, but I'm not the only one in the church.:)

 

What is easier about the nondenominational for your 3 year old? Doesn't she squirm and such there too?

 

There is a place for you in the RCC and we're happy to have you there. Relax and give it some time to find what works for you at this time. It's a learning and exploring process. And you aren't the only mom starting out on the process with little ones in tow.:):grouphug:

[renmew]

I see your oldest is a boy- he will need something to do the first few times. Does the church have those weekly activity pages for kids! You could also bring him one sheet of paper to draw on with a pencil, where in the corner he could keep track with tally marks the number of times the priest or congregation says 'Amen'. Also, they sell books for kids that follow the order of the Mass. I teach at a Catholic school, so my oldest was use to going, although he didn't like it, and when he was in first grade the kids were given these books to help them follow along. The one I have doesn't include the most recent changes to the Mass, but my barely reading 5 year old likes to hold it anyways and turn pages like she is following along.

 

My just turned four year old is a runner, and I have to lock her between myself and mother adult to keep her out of the aisles. She wants a good grade, though, so we haven't had any major events.

 

Just breathe.

[PRTGSw2K]

Thank you so much for the encouraging words, Martha!

 

Currently, we drop each child off in their respective class. They then have play time, snack time, craft time and kids church—DD's church time consists of songs and a Bible story. They end with more play time. They don't sit through service with us, except for special times, like Christmas.

[Parrothead]

Sit up front so they can see what is going on. Bring coloring pages and crayons for homily time. Small books about the mass are available many places. And if you can stand them after mass - gummy bears keep little mouths closed.:D

 

I personally don't care for "children's church" but that is just me. As anything else it is a tool that each family will have to decide to utilize or not.

 

Plus everything Martha said.

 

:grouphug:

 

Look forward to your young man making First Holy Communion in a year or two.

 

I see you have joined our Crossing the Tiber social group. We would love to answer any question you or your dh might have about coming back to the church.

[Parrothead]

Thank you so much for the encouraging words, Martha!

 

Currently, we drop each child off in their respective class. They then have play time, snack time, craft time and kids church—DD's church time consists of songs and a Bible story. They end with more play time. They don't sit through service with us, except for special times, like Christmas.

In this case it will take time and lots of patience on your part for the new normal to sink in.

[AimeeM]

Mass... with a three year old?

I felt horrible that I've avoided it because our couple of tries have been a disaster - until I talked to women in a Catholic homeschool Yahoo group who reassured me that their young children ALL had difficulties sitting in Mass; screaming, yelling "hi" (my 3 year old is guilty of this one!), running, singing.... well.... lol.

 

One suggestion they gave, that I may try is daily Mass - less crowded, often an older crowd that tends to be more tolerant and less rushed.

[aggieamy]

I don't have any new advice because what you've gotten already is really good. I will second some of the suggestions - sitting up front does wonders for a child's attention. Believe me I felt nervous walking up to that front pew with DD and my super wiggly and talky niece that first time. I had an escape plan all ready but it wasn't necessary. They did better because they could see what was going on.

[Parrothead]

More from me.

 

Help them learn the proper responses. Lots of 'And with your spirits" and "Amens'. The Sign of Peace is fun for littles. They get to shake hands with everyone around them.

 

There is lots to participate in if given the chance.

[Soror]

I agree with the pp, it will take time. I would sit in the cry room as well to get started out. I don't like to use it either but it can be a help at different times. For me the hardest times are 1.5-2yo. It does help to have older kids though. I don't like food in church at all but little books and crayons for the small ones I'm ok with, things that are quiet and not too distracting.

 

We always sit up front as well. That generally does work better for us but all of ours have had a lot more practice. As I said though around 1.5-2 it seems we have to take them out from here to there and sometimes way more than I would like. Each kid is so different as well. We haven't hardly had to do it much with the last two, but perhaps that was just luck and more laid back personalities. Mass times makes a difference as well. We go Sat evening and often the youngest will sleep as we just delay her nap a bit (our Mass is at 4pm). If you can it might help to try different times.

Edited August 26, 2012 by soror

[Vida Winter]

I made a checklist of "good behaviors" with a place to put a sticker when they succeed at that behavior. I wrote big with sharpie on card stock. Let your child place stickers (you can get special Catholic stickers) on the list during Mass as they do what is on the list. Whisper the things on the list to them or draw a picture instead of words. I would make a new list every week, modifying it slightly each time to improve it. Each child should have their own list.

 

Talk about what you expect before Mass. Practice the things on the list. Talk with them about how they did afterward, and how to improve next time. As they get older, it will get easier.

 

Example:

[ ] Stand up during the opening hymn

[ ] Make the sign of the cross

[ ] Sit down when everyone sits down

[ ] Listen quietly when Father is speaking; hold onto (small stuffed animal beany baby size) to help you be quiet.

[ ] Stand up again when everyone says the Our Father prayer

[ ] Kneel down and put your hands together

 

...and so on. They are used to doing things a certain way; it takes a while to establish new habits. As they learn the Catholic prayers and other things about the church, they will be more interested. Work with them a little at a time. We would all say together the Angel of God, Our Father, and Hail Mary each night right before lights out (it only takes a couple of minutes) and before long they were memorized. When they know those, add or switch a prayer for another one that they do not know.

 

It also goes without saying that having their clothing ready the night before, having a good breakfast, and getting ready early enough to not be rushed will go a long way toward being less stressed.

 

I wish you the best of luck - you can do this!

 

God bless you,

Dana

[PRTGSw2K]

I am feeling so much better after all this encouragement! My DH was raised in a Congregational church as a child, but was never very religious. He began attending church regularly when we started going to our non-denominational church. It has done wonders for his faith. In speaking with him, he is willing to consider RCIA classes and to learn more about the Catholic Church. I'm almost nervous in a way because my experience of the church as a child is so different from how I perceive it as an adult. I would like for my children to love the Catholic faith and appreciate the special feeling of holiness I get during mass.

[Chris in VA]

Our situation was similar in the Episcopal church we attended when the boys were small. They had a nursery, but kids 4 and up attended Mass (we called it Mass, too) with their parents.

 

I sat up in the choir loft b/c my ds could not sit still. He was required to say the Our Father with all of us. (Dh was priesting, so it was just me and the boys). He could play on the floor a little bit, but honestly, it was very stressful for me.

 

At the next church we went to (here), there was a children's service for the first part--after the sermon, the kids came in for the Eucharist. It gave them the chance to hear the Word in a simpler setting, and gave the parents a chance to...well, "hear" the Word ;):D. I love having everyone together for the Eucharist.

 

Perhaps you could use the nursery until the Eucharist, and then go get her. Take her up for a blessing if your church has First Communion later (we give it to littles when they can be respectful or reach for it).

 

Practice parts of the service at home--use the Creed and the Responses as your memory work for a couple of weeks. Do you have a copy of the service at home? (Not sure if you guys use prayer books in your Sun service.) You can make your big one in charge of finding the right page and helping to hold the hymnal, if y'all use one.

 

Liturgical churches are not boring--they are participatory if you let them be!

[momto10blessings]

While growing up I went to a church where no children were allowed during the service. I converted to Catholicism when I married my hubby.

 

All of our kids have started going to mass from when they were about a week old. Yes, some Sundays are spent with either my husband or I sitting in the cry room or outside with a cranky or loud baby or toddler... And some times I leave mass trying to remember what the homily was about... BUT I wouldn't change it! I cant imagine my children missing out on 13 or so years of masses. It helps them to learn to sit still and concentrate too, which spills over into other areas of life. Now when I am at mass and look out over the congregation and see all those beautiful little babies and children I think back to my old church where children were not allowed and it just seems wrong...

 

Your son will be receiving his First Holy Communion next year! And soon after that he should be allowed to serve on the altar!

 

Buy some books on the mass. It really helps for children to know the parts of the mass and know what is going on. Once they know them you can whisper to them "this is the consecration" etc. My little get a kick out of this!

 

Read some books on Mary, the Saints, etc. The Catholic church has such an amazing cast of Saints and Angels. Feast days are so much fun to celebrate. September 8 is the Feast of the Nativity of Mary. Go to mass to say happy birthday to Mary and go home to bake a beautiful cake just for our lady.

 

http://4real.thenetsmith.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=30165&PN=1 use this forum to plan feast day celebrations.

 

September 29 is the feast of the Archangels. Print out some coloring pages for before mass, then after mass you could make a Devil's food cake to symbolize St Michael casting the Devil into hell.

 

October 2 is the feast of the Guardian Angels. We eat angel hair pasta, read about our Guardian Angels and some times eat Angel food cake for dessert.

 

Bringing the Liturgical year into our home really brings it to life! Taking them to mass on feast days during the week ties it into our home. They love going on St Blaise's feast day in February to get their throats blessed, for example. They remember these feast days and ask to go every year.

 

 

http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/cw/post.php?id=85 good article about taking kids to mass

[momto10blessings]

I forgot to mention that, if you use the cry room, do not allow them to run wild in there. Parents use it as a means to train their children to sit quietly during Mass. If it gets really bad please take them outside. I can't think of how many times I have brought a child out to the cry room and parents have their children in there playing, jumping, running, yelling, screaming, talking... When I bring my chldren in there I expect them to sit, stand, kneel just like in mass and STAY STILL, be quiet! It does, however, give me more opportunity to talk to them and discipline.

 

 

It CAN be done! Every child is able to sit still and quiet for ONE hour! EVen my most wiggly boys could do it in their own way. They are never perfect- far from it.

 

And, last of all... BRIBING works! I know it sounds horrible. It's not bribing exactly. More- if you are good you can get a donut or soda or pack of gum after church. We use a 3 strikes and you're out kind of system starting arounf age 4. TRUST me, it only takes one or two times of not being allowed to get your treat after mass and watching their siblings enjoy theirs.

 

Also, seating is important. Since you only have 2 I would have one on each side of you. Or you and your husband have one through the whole Mass. Whisper to your 3 yr old that they will not get candy unless they sit still and quiet.

 

Books are about the only item I allow them to bring into Mass. There's only one piece. It can be hidden behind your back when they start dropping it or hitting the pew with it. It doesn't make noise. Some times I will allow a stuffed animal or soft baby doll or pencil and paper. But only one piece of paper on a clipboard, or it gets too noisy flipping paper back and forth. Pencil can be tied to the clipboard with yard so it wont make noise hitting the floor.

[justamouse]

First, it's okay. She is 3 years old as anyone can tell. If all she did was squirm in the pew and "whisper" questions and comments (bc really we all know 3 yr olds don't actually know how to whisper;) ) - then she was behaving just fine and as one would expect. I suspect you were more self conscious about it than others. Though there are a few folks in any church that just seem to be annoyed with wee ones that aren't imitating statues. Ignore those folks. They have their own issues going on and it's not really about you.

 

Now for some other practical tips:

 

If it really bothers you, it might be less stressful to use the crying room or the nursery for just the 3 year old. At least until you and 6 year old find a rhythm. I'm not a fan of the crying room personally, but I suppose it is there bc it helps others.

 

Come prepared to participate as much as you can with your kids. Mass is not a spectator event. This goes triple for children. Sit right up front where they can "see the action". Took me a few years to scrounge up the courage to do that, but I'm glad I did bc it helped tremendously. In most parishes, just sitting there for a child is a feast for the soul. Mom, who is that picture of that woman? Mom, why are there candles? Mom, what is that "box" in the wall? Mom, why is he wearing a different color than last week? Mom.. Mom... Mom.. There is usually only a 20 minute homily. But it's an immersion event. There is very literally nothing around you or happening that is not spiritually related to our faith. IME, most little kids aren't bored when they first go. There is so much to see and learn. They get bored because no one is answering their questions or telling them what is going on. (You might not be doing that, but I see it often.)

 

Try different mass times. Sometimes there is a big difference in the "tone" of a mass. The earliest mass might have less music, be quieter and more formal. An evening 5:00pm mass might be everyone in shorts and more upbeat music or have a children's mass, which again, not my thing, but I'm not the only one in the church.:)

 

What is easier about the nondenominational for your 3 year old? Doesn't she squirm and such there too?

 

There is a place for you in the RCC and we're happy to have you there. Relax and give it some time to find what works for you at this time. It's a learning and exploring process. And you aren't the only mom starting out on the process with little ones in tow.:):grouphug:

 

:iagree:

 

Catholics are used to squirming kids in mass. They are used to the voices of kids piping up in mass. they are used to seeing parents gab little ones who are trying to escape the pew. No one minds.

 

I had a mass bag with mass specific toys and books- generally quiet things they only saw at mass. I'd rotate things in and out as needed.

 

We always had coloring in there but also things like holy cards to look at, books, etc

 

This is all very well for training the kids but yeah, you are not going to get much from mass bc you can not pay as close attention. BUT I believe that's ok. The point here is that you are also training yourself in being Christ like towards your kids by enduring this less than peaceful contemplative mass.

 

So how do you feed yourself when you have to parent in the pew? Find and grasp the moments you can. Teach them about the consecration and insist that at no time ever should they interrupt or make any noise at this part of the mass. It helps if your parish uses bells but watching the priest is good.

 

There are HOSTS of sites online with mass activities for kids

 

Catholic Icing has great catholic crafty ideas and a mass book which is lovely.

:iagree::iagree:

 

We have toddlers chattering away in the back, one baby clapping his hands through the whole homily, and there's two little toddler girls who attend Sunday evening and they make a break for it --right up the aisle, every Sunday. They are *precious*. No one minds. Not even the priest. Some have broken their homily and remarked how this just proves that there's life in the church. It is a precious, holy thing to help a child learn to adore the mass. They will come to know that this hour is special, and they will learn to be reverent. All in time!

 

Explain everything. It's a feast for the senses- we worship with ALL of our senses!

 

10,000 times, and then begins understanding. The first portion is learning the ritual and the meanings of everything -and everything has meaning--even the architecture-, and it can be frustrating. But help them keep taking the steps. Then, when you know them, you can engage, which is another mental deepening.

 

Also, with little ones, make sure their tummies are filled before service. That cuts down on the wiggles. A good protein to satiate them and not have a sugar rush hit just as the host is being consecrated. ;)

[justamouse]

Bringing the Liturgical year into our home really brings it to life! Taking them to mass on feast days during the week ties it into our home. They love going on St Blaise's feast day in February to get their throats blessed, for example. They remember these feast days and ask to go every year.

 

 

http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/cw/post.php?id=85 good article about taking kids to mass

 

This is SO true. We had a name day this past week, and another feast day coming up, so read about it and do something at home. Then when you get to mass, ask them if they can find the stained glass of whose feast it was.

 

I love http://www.sanctussimplicitus.com for their coloring pages and liturgical help.

 

Explain to them that the liturgical year helps us walk through the life of Christ, so we can follow in is footsteps. Help them learn about their name day saints and read about those amazing people that have gone before us. It will help make it personal. When we started, I had one little purse for my littlest that had ONLY a few mass books in them and she was only allowed to use that purse at Mass. That kept it special and she looked forward to bringing it and quietly trying to find where the priest was in the book.

[dollhouse]

Catholics are used to squirming kids in mass. They are used to the voices of kids piping up in mass. they are used to seeing parents gab little ones who are trying to escape the pew. No one minds.

 

I had a mass bag with mass specific toys and books- generally quiet things they only saw at mass. I'd rotate things in and out as needed.

 

We always had coloring in there but also things like holy cards to look at, books, etc

 

This is all very well for training the kids but yeah, you are not going to get much from mass bc you can not pay as close attention. BUT I believe that's ok. The point here is that you are also training yourself in being Christ like towards your kids by enduring this less than peaceful contemplative mass.

 

So how do you feed yourself when you have to parent in the pew? Find and grasp the moments you can. Teach them about the consecration and insist that at no time ever should they interrupt or make any noise at this part of the mass. It helps if your parish uses bells but watching the priest is good.

 

There are HOSTS of sites online with mass activities for kids

 

Catholic Icing has great catholic crafty ideas and a mass book which is lovely.

 

Yes, yes, yes. I do want to add, that although Catholics SHOULD be used to normal kid behavior during mass, I have had the odd crusty glare when my kids have been squirmy. Please don't let that discourage you if it should happen. None of us is perfect, and that includes our fellow occasionally grumpy parishoners! Obviously, if your child is being very vocal or distracting, maybe a walk back to the narthex, crying room, or outside is in order. Try not to have too high of expectations for very young children, especially when mass is a new experience. It does get easier!

 

And like the previous poster said, CatholicIcing.com is a fantastic resource for really fun and faithful activities for young kids.

[K&Rs Mom]

. But only one piece of paper on a clipboard, or it gets too noisy flipping paper back and forth. Pencil can be tied to the clipboard with yard so it wont make noise hitting the floor.

 

I forgot we used to do this. The clipboard didn't work (hard board on hard pew is loud even if they are careful :glare:). So we used those "memo pads" - they're about 3x5", spiral bound or tape bound, and the dollar store has packs of 3 or 5. That plus a pencil was enough to keep toddlers busy for quite a while, and the pages are small enough they don't rustle too loudly.

 

We also found that going on Saturday evening worked for a while, because they were tired enough to be still, but not so tired to be whiny. Now it doesn't work best, because we all get distracted, and my early-birds are a good fit for 8:30 on Sunday. So adjusting schedules may help too.

 

Sticking with it through the transition will be SO worth it. I know some people think the RCC has a "boring" style so kids can't really be part of it, but if you teach them how to they can. Mine are only 7 & 10, and they will often discuss the homily on the way home or later in the week, and I'm amazed how much they were paying attention, and how they can apply what they learn to their daily lives.

[PRTGSw2K]

These are great suggestions! I will try implementing them with DD and DS next week.

[aggieamy]

Look for sticker books too. They are quiet and my kids loved them. They were a special treat only during mass. Don't bring a box full of markers because you'll be really embarassed when the kids drops the box, the markers will roll right in front of the alter and then the priest will help you pick them up. RIGHT DURING MASS! I wanted to die. :glare: Yeah. Still can't laugh about that yet.

[justamouse]

Look for sticker books too. They are quiet and my kids loved them. They were a special treat only during mass. Don't bring a box full of markers because you'll be really embarassed when the kids drops the box, the markers will roll right in front of the alter and then the priest will help you pick them up. RIGHT DURING MASS! I wanted to die. :glare: Yeah. Still can't laugh about that yet.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

You may not be able to laugh, but I can help you with that! :lol::lol::lol:

 

that is AWESOME.

[jelbe5]

We are Lutheran and have liturgical service. I worked with my kids at home having "practice" time at home. We also brought things with to keep kids occupied. We tend to sit in the back as that works better for our son who had autism. Some friends preferred sitting right up front with their littles so they could see everything. It may take a little time and patience but you will get there!

 

Eta if you have weekday morning Mass you may want to try that as it is usually shorter. But it might be hard to get everyone up and out the door.

Edited August 26, 2012 by jelbe5

[PRTGSw2K]

I'm giggling at the thought of my childhood priest picking up markers during mass :D .

[2squared]

Our Father's House sells a real mini-mass kit. When my kids start extra complaining about going to mass, I bring out the kit so they can play mass at home. Oh, my, they love to play mass. Maybe that would be fun to do as a family.

 

Fun is all relative. Playing mass when you are sitting in the pew is not truly fun. :001_smile:

[VeritasMama]

I would guess that every Catholic with small children has days like this.

 

My church has the children who are younger go for a seperate activity during the readings and the homily. I'm on the fence about it, but my 5 yo loves it.

 

Some parishes do tend to have a more reverent atmosphere than others, which does make a huge difference. We've lived all over the country, and my mom is in the air force so I've been in many different churches. My kids seem to behave better in services where the other people are very reverent, as do the other kids in the church. By reverent I mean the people for the most part are paying close attention, saying the prayers, singing, being respectful. I've been in churches where many people were chatting and barely paying attention, I even watched a teenager in fron t of me pop in a breath mint as she was heading up for communion. In this type of atmosphere, my kids usually misbehave more.

 

It is like anything, they will get used to it with practice. But, you need to model the proper behavior, which I know sounds impossible when you are there with small children. But, you can start by teaching them the meaning behind what is going on as well so they can benefit from the mass spiritually. I always tell my little ones that we are going to church to be with Jesus, and that we do it to show God how much we love him. With my older kids, we discuss the beauty of the Eucharist and what makes the mass different from other services. Scott Hahn has written some great books on the mass and the liturgy if you need more of a background on this so you can share the faith with your kids.

[PRTGSw2K]

Thank you all so much for your advice. This week was infinitely better than last week. I used several of your suggestions, and they made all the difference. My husband wasn't able to go again this week, but the kids and I were fine. We went to the more relaxed service which is held in the school basement (attached to the church). I brought a small children's Bible for my daughter to "read" and a kids Mass book for my son to follow along. Despite my hesitations, I let them go to the children's liturgy during Mass, and I think it helped a lot.

 

What a relief! Thank you all SO much!

Edited September 2, 2012 by emski4379

[aggieamy]

Yea. Glad to hear you and the children had a nice time at Mass today.

[PRTGSw2K]

The kids have actually been great all day. Maybe Mass really stuck with them. ;P

[justamouse]

The kids have actually been great all day. Maybe Mass really stuck with them. ;P

 

It does! I'm glad it went well!

[Bluegoat]

It might be worthwhile to step out for the homily regularly for the three-year old if it is very long. Just plan to go out, let him stretch his legs for that until he is older. For some kids it is really too much, they need a break. For a six year old, learning about the mass and sitting up front may make a big difference.

 

And there are kids that are just not ready to attend much until later. Most babies are good until one, a lot of kids don't do well through the twos, and then more and more can manage until by five almost all kids can if they are not tired or hungry.

 

There is a school of thought that says that if you don't take the younger kids they will never learn. Personally I haven't seen evidence of that. Kids who are asked to sit through to the extent they can when they are able learn to do it. It is only kids who aren't asked when they are able who may run into trouble. For my oldest she could barring the sermons by about three. My middle child at four is still unreliable but improving quickly - a year ago it was impossible even for the first hymn.

[LucyStoner]

I have never been to a Catholic church without both a cry room/space and a good Sunday school and nursery. I relied on that when we still went to a Catholic church regularly. The nursery kept them til after the service, Sunday school was timed to let out right after the sermon so the kids could be part of communion. I liked that in theory but my older child was still preschool/nursery age when we left the church. The place we go now is a different denomination and also has a Sunday school. I totally understand the pull back to the RCC and hope you and your whole family find a church home there.