what my kids are missing, not being in public school

[MeganW]

My kids are very well-behaved for me, b/c I'm pretty strict. BUT, we are having some issues with other situations. One of my friends subbed for the kids' Sunday School teacher last week, and let me know that my kids were "wild and silly". She asked her childen, who are also in the class, and apparently that is the norm for my kids. I have observed similar issues in swimming & dance, though the teachers haven't said anything to me even when asked.

 

I have CLEARLY and CONSISTENTLY let my kids know what my expectations are for their behavior when others are in charge of them, but they just don't behave. They aren't awful. When I ask the teachers, "silly", "not giving others a chance to answer", and that kind of thing tends to be the reply.

 

I know part of the issue is that other kids are spending hours every day in kindergarten learning to be part of a group, obey the teacher, etc. etc. We do CC, and they are very good there (attentive, waiting to be called on, etc. etc.), but the teacher is very in control.

 

The problem is situations where the teacher isn't a strong personality.

 

I have talked to my kids about it until I am blue in the face. I feel like it is a bit of a lack of self-control, but also the other kids who are in public school practice being a part of a class for hours every day, and we just don't. Thoughts? Suggestions? What would you do?

[Penelope]

I would think it has more to do with the three of them being put all together in a class.

 

Do they do better one at a time?

 

I think I'd just keep working on it the way you have been.

[Violet Crown]

I wouldn't be too quick to assume school vs homeschool is the issue. I had three wild-'n'-silly kids in my Sunday School class last year, and two of them went to public school, and the third was my Middle Girl. Two other homeschooled children in the class were always calm and well-behaved. My oldest was never disruptive in a classroom situation.

 

So yes, you should work with them on nondisruptive behavior; but I'd guess it's just personality.

 

P.S. I would a thousand times rather have wild-and-silly in my class than sullen and defiant. High spirits can be sat on; bad attitude is incurable.

[Peaceful Isle]

Um, they are 7, right? Well, I have a six year old boy, (not sure if yours are boys or girls), and he is a very good kid, but very silly!!

 

I think it is just their age. It does not sound like they are bad at all. Just excitable! The other teachers are not complaining! My goodness, they sound awesome. :)

 

I agree with the other poster. I would much rather have silly, excitable kids, than one with a bad attitude!!

 

Also, the teacher asking her "own" kids how "your" kids act, kinda rubs me the wrong way. I try really hard never to talk about other people's kids.

 

All in all, I would not worry about it. It sounds like they have great energy, love to answer questions, and have a good momma. :grouphug:

Edited August 11, 2012 by mommyof4AZ

[cakemom]

How old are your kids? Kindergarden age? I remember at that age, my kids needed constant reminding as well. I remember going to the library when my son was 3 or so and thinking......how many more times will I have to tell him not to pull the books off the shelf before he can actually walk past the books and leave them alone. Point being, i know it gets frustrating to keep talking to them but, eventually you will get to that magic moment where all of your hard work and consistency will pay off no matter who they are around.

 

If however your kids are older.....8, 9 or above, maybe a consequence is in order when they are not obeying your rules. I heard from a wise man at a seminar one time that the punishment should NEVER fit the crime. Meaning that if the punishment is something they really don't care about or is really very small, they will do the act again because the weight of the punishment is not so bad. Example.....no snack for one day. Instead, maybe it should be for several days so that the kids question whether they really want to not obey in that way again. Just an example but I thought it was a good point he had made.

[Gentlemommy]

P.S. I would a thousand times rather have wild-and-silly in my class than sullen and defiant. High spirits can be sat on; bad attitude is incurable.

 

LOVE this.:001_smile:

[Tammi K]

I'm not sure I have any advice because people tell me how nicely my kids behave in groups (Oh, if only they knew how much I grumble about getting them to do their chores at home!!!!)

 

BUT, as a co-op teacher of many years, can I just say bless you for recognizing this and working to fix it?

 

There are so many moms I've encountered over the years who just won't believe that their little darlins' are not as sweet and lovely as they imagine.

 

It may be that even though you think you're being clear, they just don't get when and how they are out of line. When I was a kid, my mom used to always say, "Go ahead, keep it up until someone gets hurt!" Maybe it's like this for your kids. They might not realize just how far is too far, ykwim?

 

Just a suggestion but could you consider talking to the teachers ahead of time and telling them you're aware of the problem and would like to work on it? Perhaps you could wait close by (be on call) so that after appropriate warnings they could be sent "back to your mom because you aren't following the rules." After all, that is part of what happens to kids in public school - you act up, you get sent to the principal. It might be that being sent away from the group, in disgrace, so to speak, will be the wake-up call that says, "Hey, we're not a funny as we thought we were."

 

Just my thoughts. Please feel free to ignore if it doesn't fit your situation. But, again, bless you for recognizing a problem and trying to fix it.

[Shelsi]

You know I don't know the answer to this except to say that for us HSing is the reason for it happening and I haven't quite yet figured out how to stop it.

 

Ds did great in public kindy. He had also been in preschool the year before. No issues whatsoever. The first 6 mos or so after we pulled him out of school he was good in group settings as well. Then it slowly started to crumble.

 

The talking out of turn really got kind of out of control so just before class (or in this case story hour @ the library) I would clearly explain my expectations and the consequences if they weren't followed. For awhile I sat in the back and would go and get him and pull him out of the class if he didn't follow my directions. Kind of harsh I guess but it did make a huge difference.

[NittanyJen]

I do not think you can blame this behavior on homeschooling.

 

I teach Sunday School in rotation with others, and routinely hear that the other teachers wish all the kids would behave the way mine do. I heard ths before I started to help with the teaching. I have kids in my class when I teach who act like little nightmares-- constantly interrupting, running around the room during even the briefest of set work, climbing the windows... One little precious gem actually arrives each week with a full cup of coffee. 90% of the kids are beautifully behaved, respectful, and eager to learn so we can go play or do something fun together or have a really creative lesson. The other 10% are good reminders to me that I need to practice my room management skills and be really grateful for the other kids.

 

The bouncy, silly, interrupting kids are from a mx of public and private schools.

[happypamama]

I do think that part of it is not being used to the classroom mentality. I find it hilarious when I ask my kids something at the dinner table (usually as a prompt for them to tell DH what they learned about in history or something that day), and DD has figured out about raising her hand, whereas the boys still blurt things out. But that is fairly recent; she's 10. Maybe you could try something like that at home -- ask a question and tell them that you will call on the one who is to answer -- so that they get practice in taking turns answering and such.

 

I also think some of it is just the age, and I agree with the PP who said silly is better than sullen. Maybe that enthusiasm can be handled in other ways, like giving them productive jobs to do. Also, since they're all together, they may egg each other on. Any time I take just one of my three older children somewhere, that child is so calm and quiet; when they're all together, 1 + 1 + 1 definitely is more than 3, and they'll feed off of each other's goofiness. I also suspect that since they're triplets, they may garner more attention than other children -- not that it's a bad thing, but all of their actions together may get lumped together as "Mrs. Jones's children," and seem like more craziness than "Mrs. Smith's children" when Mrs. Smith only has one child in the class, if that makes sense.

[NittanyJen]

 

Just a suggestion but could you consider talking to the teachers ahead of time and telling them you're aware of the problem and would like to work on it? Perhaps you could wait close by (be on call) so that after appropriate warnings they could be sent "back to your mom because you aren't following the rules." After all, that is part of what happens to kids in public school - you act up, you get sent to the principal. It might be that being sent away from the group, in disgrace, so to speak, will be the wake-up call that says, "Hey, we're not a funny as we thought we were."

 

Just my thoughts. Please feel free to ignore if it doesn't fit your situation. But, again, bless you for recognizing a problem and trying to fix it.

 

:iagree: I love this.

 

Again from the Sunday School teacher perspective, I would hug a parent who came to me and said, "I am serious about this. How about if... <here is my cell #, text me if I need to come down and address them/ I will sit in the next room, send them to me when they cross this line... / whatever workable suggestion >."

 

I work as hard as I can to stay a jump ahead and redirect behavior before it gets out of control, but a few kids make it tough, and a partnership with their parents would be a beautiful thing; in today's world, you just cannot yell at someone else's kid, and they know it.

[foxbridgeacademy]

Um, they are 7, right? Well, I have a six year old boy, (not sure if yours are boys or girls), and he is a very good kid, but very silly!!

 

I think it is just their age. It does not sound like they are bad at all. Just excitable! The other teachers are not complaining! My goodness, they sound awesome. :)

 

I agree with the other poster. I would much rather have silly, excitable kids, than one with a bad attitude!!

 

Also, the teacher asking her "own" kids how "your" kids act, kinda rubs me the wrong way. I try really hard never to talk about other people's kids.

 

All in all, I would not worry about it. It sounds like they have great energy, love to answer questions, and have a good momma. :grouphug:

 

:iagree:especially the part in bold.

[Incognito]

Having volunteered in church programs with school-aged kids for eons, I agree that while it is not unusual behavior for a child (homeschooled or not) it is troublesome for the teacher and it is GREAT that you are wanting to work on it. How to fix it, I don't know. I will be subscribed to this thread for ideas myself. :)

[ondreeuh]

One little precious gem actually arrives each week with a full cup of coffee.

 

Very likely the parents of that "gem" are attempting to use the stimulant nature of coffee to help manage the child's ADHD. It's very common among parents who are reluctant to try pharmaceuticals.

[SilverMoon]

NittanyJen said:

 

 

 

Edited September 17, 2023 by SilverMoon

[kindermommy]

I was a public school teacher for 10 years prior to homeschooling - and I taught that age group. I can tell you from my experience, the teacher sets the tone and expectations of the entire classroom behavior and the kids act accordingly (with a very rare exception here and there of course as there is sometimes a child with a true behavioral disability).

 

I can't tell you the number of times I had a child transferred to my classroom because he/she was having so many "problems" behaviorally in another teacher's room. And guess what? They were just fine in mine! But my expectations were clear from day one - I was organized and structured and simply did not put up with misbehavior or silliness when it was not appropriate. At that age, it was important to teach them that there was a time for silliness (of course! They ARE kids!) but there are times when it is not acceptable. I knew how to discipline when necessary! (and I was NOT mean or harsh, nor did I ever yell). And 98% of any discipline issues were handled within the four walls of my room. Rarely did I have to go to a parent for help because I felt like it was my job to learn what makes their child "tick" and work through the issues within the classroom setting. It's amazing what pulling a child aside and talking TO them in clear, respectful terms that what they are doing is not really working, why they probably should not be doing it and ideas to help fix it. I did feel like I spent A LOT of my time on "social skills" and behavior, but at that age, that was just what was necessary - and I wanted to set them up for success in future grades.

 

I think volunteers (i.e. SS classes) in many cases don't feel like they have the authority or the right or maybe even the experience to KNOW how to handle the situation. I know even when *I* volunteered as a Sunday School teacher, even I felt "weird" doing what I would have done in my regular school classroom discipline wise. The vibe and atmosphere was different in the volunteer type setting - especially in a Church. Also, to give the volunteer who is trying their hardest the benefit of the doubt, seeing the kidsd once a week for an hour or so versus everyday all day makes it tougher to explain, implement and follow through with discipline lessons - just not enough time.

 

So in my opinion - they will follow the flock! And if the shepherd is not doing their job correctly, then kids (especially that age) will take advantage of that "freedom". (doesn't make the BAD in anyway - just natural human behavior for them!)

 

I like what the OP said about communicating your expectations and your availibility to support the teacher when needed in order to reign them in some (when the "silly" behavior is not appropriate or distracting). I agree as a teacher that that kind of parent concern and assistance is ALWAYS welcome!

[boscopup]

Definitely work with the teacher to stop this behavior. I don't think it has anything to do with being in school or not.

 

At my church, kids in the 3-4 year old class first get the teacher that is a bit older and has that "school teacher" vibe. She's very nice, but she demands proper behavior in class. She teaches them to wait until they're called upon instead of blurting out the answer. She teaches them to raise their hand. The kids already know how to sit in their seats because they learned that in the 18 month-2 year old class. It's a very well behaved class when she gets done with them. :D Then whoever teaches afterward just makes sure they continue to behave like that. By time they get to the K-1 class, there are no major behavior problems like that, regardless of where they go to school.

 

Now back when I taught the 2 year old class, if we had a major problem, we'd go get the parents. A good parent (and most were) would either "talk" to the kid (well, probably do more than talk ;)) and bring them back, or they would bring them to the adult class and make them sit there with NOTHING to do, showing them that their own class is waaaaaaaay more fun than the adult class. The adult teacher doesn't sing songs or do pasting activities. :lol: Most kids straightened up pretty quick once they had to sit in their parents' class one time.

[Mommyfaithe]

P.S. I would a thousand times rather have wild-and-silly in my class than sullen and defiant. High spirits can be sat on; bad attitude is incurable.

 

LOVE this.:001_smile:

 

:iagree::iagree:

She is just showing her mean streak. Don't buy it....

And I would ask your kids about her kids.....then file a complete report:glare:

 

What an idiot.

[Kathryn]

I would think it has more to do with the three of them being put all together in a class.

 

Do they do better one at a time?

 

I think I'd just keep working on it the way you have been.

 

Um, they are 7, right? Well, I have a six year old boy, (not sure if yours are boys or girls), and he is a very good kid, but very silly!!

 

I think it is just their age. It does not sound like they are bad at all. Just excitable! The other teachers are not complaining! My goodness, they sound awesome. :)

 

I agree with the other poster. I would much rather have silly, excitable kids, than one with a bad attitude!!

 

Also, the teacher asking her "own" kids how "your" kids act, kinda rubs me the wrong way. I try really hard never to talk about other people's kids.

 

All in all, I would not worry about it. It sounds like they have great energy, love to answer questions, and have a good momma. :grouphug:

 

:iagree: Kids are often sillier/more disruptive when with friends and without a strong leader. I expect that if they were in school, they'd be put in different rooms and this wouldn't be a problem.

[Wheres Toto]

I think a lot of it is personality too. I run a 4-H Cloverbud club of 4 to 9 year olds. I run it because I know my son is tough to handle in groups and with me in charge I can keep on top of him better. We are a group entirely of homeschoolers and there are a few kids (boys and girls) like my son who need a lot of redirection and reminders to behave, and then there are a couple who sit nicely in their chairs, never fidget, are quiet and calm. It certainly keeps things interesting.

 

And, yes, once a couple start getting silly, it's not too long before all of them join in.

[Seeker of Schole]

I was a public school teacher for 10 years prior to homeschooling - and I taught that age group. I can tell you from my experience, the teacher sets the tone and expectations of the entire classroom behavior and the kids act accordingly (with a very rare exception here and there of course as there is sometimes a child with a true behavioral disability).

 

 

 

:iagree:

The Sunday School class my youngest currently attends actually taught her bad behavior. Her teacher is the fun, much loved teacher of all the kids - because they get to run around the room, throw things, etc... My dd was actually afraid to go to class for the first month because of the behaviors, and now likes to go so that she can run.

[craftyerin]

I think the fact that there are 3 of them makes a BIG difference. My kids are a force to be reckoned with in our music class and in Sunday School. They are comfortable with each other, and the sillies can take over quickly. They'd often much rather play with each other than listen to whatever is going on in class. :glare: Any one of them does well alone, but it's the herd that's the problem. I don't have any good answers, but we deal with it, too.

[MeganW]

thanks for the ideas - lots to think about

[TracyR]

I wouldn't be too quick to assume school vs homeschool is the issue. I had three wild-'n'-silly kids in my Sunday School class last year, and two of them went to public school, and the third was my Middle Girl. Two other homeschooled children in the class were always calm and well-behaved. My oldest was never disruptive in a classroom situation.

 

So yes, you should work with them on nondisruptive behavior; but I'd guess it's just personality.

 

P.S. I would a thousand times rather have wild-and-silly in my class than sullen and defiant. High spirits can be sat on; bad attitude is incurable.

 

:iagree: I couldn't agree more.

Its personality, not the fact they go to school. I've had some wild n silly kids in my Relgious Ed class and they go to school. I think it has to do with their comfort with whomever they are with. I remember at the beginning of the year my wild and silly ones were very quite and not so sure. By the end they were silly and it could have been me,, just the fact I enjoy teaching and want to see the kids have some fun versus them just sitting there like lumps on the log. I do agree silly and wild can be sat on where as attitude problems can't. I'd rather have the first. With that said the kids in my class aren't running around, we at least have fun activities to do to get that energy out, and mostly we'll deal with the sillies though.

 

My girls do the same thing as well but in certain circumstances. Its just something that has to be worked on and discussed. If you act this way XY and Z is going to happen. But it doesn't have to do with kids going to school and not. Just personality.

 

If its any consolation to you my girls went to school too, they were still the same way at times. Silly and crazy, but not at all bad.

[momma2three]

My kids are a little younger, but when I put the two oldest in classes together it's a nightmare. They just egg eachother on, fight, annoy eachother, giggle together, make eachother do naughty things. When each is on his or her own, they're apparently delightful little angels in classes.

[boscopup]

Thinking about the sibling thing again... I'll bet that's your problem. My kids do a Bible Drill Class before evening services, which is basically the preacher asking them questions, but with a Powerpoint game of some sort to make it more fun. It is all ages, from K on up to high school (well, my 3 year old is in the class too, but usually it's K+ :tongue_smilie:), and my 5.5 year old gets really active and starts tackling his older brother about 20 minutes into the class. That's apparently his sit-still-next-to-brother limit. :D I started having him sit between two high school boys each time, and now he's not silly during class.

 

So see if you can at least separate the kids within the class - ie, put other kids between them and such. That might help some.

 

Also, if my kids were having a major problem in class, I'd sit in on the class for a bit to "help out" (ie, police my own kids ;) ). I've had parents do that when their kids were consistently rowdy. That way, the parent is right there to teach the child how to behave.

[anabelneri]

When I ask the teachers, "silly", "not giving others a chance to answer", and that kind of thing tends to be the reply.

 

 

In our Sunday School class last year, I got to see my daughter "not giving others a chance to answer" quite frequently. I wasn't her teacher but I was in the room the whole year. When I started stressing about her behavior, the teacher pointed out to me that she wasn't the only one doing that, and that the other two kids who had a similar classroom style were both in regular public school. I agree with the others that, at least in part, personality can play a large part in how they behave. (I can see siblings also being a source of energy).

 

One thing I found interesting is that both of the other two kids in that class who tended to not give others a chance to answer were like my daughter in the expanse of information they had to draw on. That has been the case this year too -- the kids who speak up most often and don't let others talk are quite often the ones who are well-read or otherwise well-informed about a wide range of information. They have a lot going on in their heads, and Sunday School is one of the places where the topics discussed naturally lend themselves to someone working on synthesizing other material.

 

:)

[abba12]

Someone previously mentioned the teachers setting the tone, and this is absolutely right in my experience. I recently had to step down from volunteering at a girls brigade group because, quite simply, I couldn't handle the behaviours. The woman in charge set a tone of absolutely no dicipline. I was shadowing her for a number of weeks with the 10 year olds, and they were absolute monsters. You could see the frustration on the faces of the two or three who wanted to learn, as opposed to the 5 or 6 who were acting like they'd just been fed a bag full of sugar each. They achieved nothing each week. But I KNOW these kids were capable of sitting respectfully and learning because the other leader, a homeschooling mum, wouldn't settle for their nonsense and made that clear. The children were much better under her lead, but she took the teenagers (smart lady!)

 

On the other hand, I remember sunday school as a child never had bad behaviour or inappropriate sillyness. The couple that ran it each week were great and set a fun but respectful tone. I look at their example whenever I'm trying to handle a group situation because they just managed it so beautifully with a mix of all sorts of kids.

 

As for the school vs homeschool debate, I ran 2-5 year olds sunday school for a couple of years, and the schoolkids and homeschoolers seemed to naturally seperate and group themselves, not by schooling, but by wanting to learn vs wanting to play. The homeschoolers and a couple of school kids would sit on the rug waiting for a book or activity, while the state schooled kids ran around crazy until I got them settled (the tone of the teacher is a little less relevent when dealing with toddlers! In that particular situation I was also given absolutely no authority for punishment, not even so much as sending a child to a corner, so I was doomed from the start!)

 

Thank you so much for working to change this behaviour. The lesson your children probably need to take away from it more than anything is that, just because something is 'acceptable' by others standards dosen't make it 'right' by their own. Yes, they CAN run and be silly in sunday school and no one will tell them it's wrong, but that dosen't mean it's right, they need to hold themselves to their own standards and not just the bare minimum others expect. It sounds to me like they're just fun loving kids who bounce off each others energy, and are given teachers who cant/wont direct it to positive endeavours.

[Mrs Twain]

I have some of the same problems even though two of my kids have spent time in public school and all of them were in preschool for multiple years. At times my kids tend to speak without being called on or interupt the teacher or coach. It think a lot of it comes as a result of homeschool, in that they are very confident in themselves, and also that our homeschool discussions are mostly casual rather than me having them raise their hands and be called on before they answer.

 

One thing I am trying to do is become more formal during parts of our homeschool day. I ask them to raise their hands and be quiet until called on to give answers. In this way, I hope to help them learn the habit that other kids are practicing every day in public school.

[...................]

Its personality. It has very little to do with them not being in school. Both if ky kids have gotten a little better after two years at Sunday School and with me requiring hand raising at home.

 

But they are both extremely high spirited, excited about learning, and interested. I have received some input, when I really pushed for it, that working on hand raising would be quite useful.

 

But the (wonderful, very experienced) Sunday SchOol teachers would rather have my spirited, interested, excited kiss than sullen, apathetic, bored children.

 

I'm not saying you can't work on Better self control and they should learn not to interrupt the class with silliness (the sooner they begin to learn, the better)

 

But this teacher sounds Kind of bent if you ask me.

[NittanyJen]

Very likely the parents of that "gem" are attempting to use the stimulant nature of coffee to help manage the child's ADHD. It's very common among parents who are reluctant to try pharmaceuticals.

 

I am well aware of that application, and that is not what is going on in this case. I understand why that suggestion is being made here, and it is a logical one, but in this case it does not apply; I just didn't want to give more information for privacy reasons of the family involved.

[FO4UR]

In our Sunday School class last year, I got to see my daughter "not giving others a chance to answer" quite frequently. I wasn't her teacher but I was in the room the whole year. When I started stressing about her behavior, the teacher pointed out to me that she wasn't the only one doing that, and that the other two kids who had a similar classroom style were both in regular public school. I agree with the others that, at least in part, personality can play a large part in how they behave. (I can see siblings also being a source of energy).

 

One thing I found interesting is that both of the other two kids in that class who tended to not give others a chance to answer were like my daughter in the expanse of information they had to draw on. That has been the case this year too -- the kids who speak up most often and don't let others talk are quite often the ones who are well-read or otherwise well-informed about a wide range of information. They have a lot going on in their heads, and Sunday School is one of the places where the topics discussed naturally lend themselves to someone working on synthesizing other material.

 

:)

 

 

I am having a similar experience. I have 3 homeschooled children. One of them is exactly like this! He was monopolizing little Museum classes at ages 3/4/5. Hearing how a staff member handled it one time was a glimpse into what PS would be like for him.:glare: (I think this "personality quirk" will be a major benefit in college/career if I can hone it just right, so I do NOT want it squashed!)

 

 

 

That said, I am working to teach my dc that there are times & places & (sadly, even...) people when/where/to whom talking openly is not beneficial. Not surprisingly, he has no interest in being the class where he feels he isn't welcome. I think it's good for him to practice self-control in this situation...but I do follow that up with being interested in hearing his thoughts for myself. If he were any younger, I'd probably just pull him.

 

 

I don't want to hear that a child was told they were being "bad" b/c they want to share how what they read two weeks ago relates to the teacher's lesson. That isn't bad behavior. This child is actually paying attention and participating. It is a chance to lead the child into the kind of classroom participation that the teacher wishes, teaching people skills meanwhile. Sorry for getting venty - ugh! (I'd rather have a talker/fidgeter any day over the stare-into-space-and -mentally-check-out kind of kid. It's the latter that is deemd "good.")

 

Anyway - all 3 are homeschooled, and only 1 is like this. The other 2 have their own quirks.:001_wub:

 

 

As for silliness....I work with lots of kids, and have for years. It isn't a HSing thing. In fact, some of the most extreme cases have been PS kids who are like ticking-time-bombs, or shaken up soda cans...so much pent up energy and frustration that just EXPLODES the minute they feel comfortable. (This is especially true for weekday evening activities.)

 

 

Another thought - little kids have a good 15minutes of sitting down and listening to a teacher talk. Beyond that, you are going to have the "shaken-up soda can" effect and the kids will burst one by one...they are self-coping. The ones that don't get outwardly silly, will be inwardly checked-out and daydreaming. If the Sunday School teacher isn't giving a break in the monotony, expecting an entire hour of adult-like self-control, that might be a big part of the issue.

[MerryAtHope]

I would role-play with them what TO do and what NOT to do, and use some dolls as well. Go through different scenarios that have happened in the past or that might happen. Let their SS teacher know you are working on this and ask for direct feedback, or observe the class yourself if possible. (Although you observing might cut out the behavior). Praise for times they behave well. It sounds like they mainly need more training in this area than anything. Good for you for wanting to help them!

 

Merry :-)

[ChandlerMom]

I wouldn't assume there IS a problem, I would go to the regular SS teacher and ASK. Tell her the SUB made a comment and ask if it is a problem and if it is, if there is anything she might want you to do to help. The teacher might not see it as a problem or feel she has it in hand. Anyone taking on a SS class should be able to handle some energetic 7 yos (sounds like the SUB might be overly tightly wound).

 

IF there even is an issue, I would not assume it was because of hs-ing or even because of them being siblings. I thing 3 friends in a SS class can be a lot worse and I think career ps kids are more adept at working the system/teacher, so I wouldn't assume anything. In essence, if there is a problem, the reason isn't so important as supporting the teacher. That may include offering to serve as a classroom aide, or teaching your kids a breathing exercise to calm themselves when they feel the sillies about to erupt. ;) I'd focus on giving your kids tools on what TO do instead of just lecturing them on what NOT to do.

[Sahamamama]

Well, I notice that you have multiples. ;) Let me just say that my twins are two of the silliest, goofiest, most hilarious children I have ever met, in spite of (because of?) the fact that I am strict with all three of my kids, and they are good for me. :D But there is some aspect of their personalities that abhors a leadership vacuum. Hmmm... let's see.... the adult here is not "in charge" like Mommy is, so let's take over, ha ha ha ha ha.

 

I think it's a twin/multiple thing, more than a homeschooling thing. I noticed a shift away from the "We are twins, we will dominate you" mindset this summer when the girls were at three VBS camps. At the first VBS, at my request, the twins were placed in their own "crews." This was a first EVER for them, though my oldest was used to being on her own. They were in awe of themselves and the fact that they were in their own crew. I think they enjoyed that VBS the most in part because of this experience.

 

Could the silliness be due to the fact that, wherever they go, your kids are a Super-Group? :001_smile:

[Alicia64]

I haven't read everyone's reply. I don't mean this to be insulting or rude in the least.

 

When you say that you're pretty strict, I just want to say that so we're my parents. And I went to public school.

 

What would happen is that when I was around a somewhat relaxed person -- not nutty relaxed, just friendly and easy-going, I'd get wild.

 

It was a release. I was rather pent up with strict parents and a strict teacher here and there, so when I got around someone less strict I'd go crazy.

 

Even as a teen I realized what was happening. And my mom was big on manners. We were definitely taught manners. Still, when a relaxed person was in charge -- even just a little relaxed -- I let off steam.

 

I think that when the adult takes over the strict role, the kids don't build that internally for themselves. Their behavior is somewhat guided by the strict parent. I treat my kids pretty darn respectfully -- yes, I lose it occasionally, but in general, I'm firm, but kind. And for the most part they treat me and other teachers w/ respect.

 

And if this doesn't apply to your situation, feel free to ignore of course. But I hope you'll consider that being too strict can sometimes cause the "wild" problem.

 

Alley

[Alicia64]

 

BUT, as a co-op teacher of many years, can I just say bless you for recognizing this and working to fix it?

 

There are so many moms I've encountered over the years who just won't believe that their little darlins' are not as sweet and lovely as they imagine.

 

 

:iagree:Boy, is this the truest statement on the planet. It's very cool that you're looking into the situation. I taught a co-op class and had a couple of moms who were appalled that their kids could possibly be acting poorly. They didn't believe me ultimately. Their kids were 11 and 12 -- so not little ones who sometimes are just rowdy and having fun.

 

I wanted to add that while I have twins, triplets must certainly play off of each other in ways that singltons can't do.

 

Alley

[Incognito]

When you say that you're pretty strict, I just want to say that so we're my parents. And I went to public school.

 

What would happen is that when I was around a somewhat relaxed person -- not nutty relaxed, just friendly and easy-going, I'd get wild.

 

It was a release. I was rather pent up with strict parents and a strict teacher here and there, so when I got around someone less strict I'd go crazy.

 

Even as a teen I realized what was happening. And my mom was big on manners. We were definitely taught manners. Still, when a relaxed person was in charge -- even just a little relaxed -- I let off steam.

 

I think that when the adult takes over the strict role, the kids don't build that internally for themselves. Their behavior is somewhat guided by the strict parent. I treat my kids pretty darn respectfully -- yes, I lose it occasionally, but in general, I'm firm, but kind. And for the most part they treat me and other teachers w/ respect.

 

And if this doesn't apply to your situation, feel free to ignore of course. But I hope you'll consider that being too strict can sometimes cause the "wild" problem.

 

Alley

 

That is an interesting angle. Some of the kids I know who do this do have strict parents, some don't. I do have to say, though, that with one goof-ball son who I have to be stricter with or he goes nutso, your angle might be purely because you were living the other side of it. Some parents are not naturally strict, but their children need it so they bring it. I'm not strict compared to some, but I do know that when I get all loosey goosey my DS has always been one to take advantage of the weak and cause chaos. Even as a little guy. If I am gently firm and authoritative, it goes sooo much better.

[nova mama]

I really do not see the relation to public school. My own children, two of whom have been in public school (the oldest for 2 and a half years), are quiet as mice in other structured settings (co-op, Sunday school), but "save the crazy for home," as I often say. And when I teach Sunday school, behavior runs the gamut, and I believe the majority attend school.

 

So, I don't know what the answer is for your situation, but I don't think it is PS.

[Alicia64]

That is an interesting angle. Some of the kids I know who do this do have strict parents, some don't. I do have to say, though, that with one goof-ball son who I have to be stricter with or he goes nutso, your angle might be purely because you were living the other side of it. Some parents are not naturally strict, but their children need it so they bring it. I'm not strict compared to some, but I do know that when I get all loosey goosey my DS has always been one to take advantage of the weak and cause chaos. Even as a little guy. If I am gently firm and authoritative, it goes sooo much better.

 

Agreed! One size definitely does not fit all. I was nervous about posting my experience. It was purely my experience and it might not apply at all. I just wanted to throw it out there.

 

I also have one boy who needs structure and one who doesn't do well with a ton of structure.

 

The individual child matters. And the singleton, twin or triplet dynamic matters too.

 

Alley

[craftyerin]

Well, I notice that you have multiples. ;) Let me just say that my twins are two of the silliest, goofiest, most hilarious children I have ever met, in spite of (because of?) the fact that I am strict with all three of my kids, and they are good for me. :D But there is some aspect of their personalities that abhors a leadership vacuum. Hmmm... let's see.... the adult here is not "in charge" like Mommy is, so let's take over, ha ha ha ha ha.

 

I think it's a twin/multiple thing, more than a homeschooling thing. I noticed a shift away from the "We are twins, we will dominate you" mindset this summer when the girls were at three VBS camps. At the first VBS, at my request, the twins were placed in their own "crews." This was a first EVER for them, though my oldest was used to being on her own. They were in awe of themselves and the fact that they were in their own crew. I think they enjoyed that VBS the most in part because of this experience.

 

Could the silliness be due to the fact that, wherever they go, your kids are a Super-Group? :001_smile:

 

:iagree:

 

She said it all a lot better than I did. This is what my kids do, too.