WDYT? Should this be illegal?

[ravinlunachick]

Here's a snippet, but please read the second page of the article as well before you post your opinion.

 

(CNN) - An Illinois woman who left her mentally disabled daughter outside a Tennessee bar cannot be charged with a crime, police said Tuesday.

 

Police in Caryville, Tennessee, said the daughter is 19 and not assigned to a legal guardian.

 

"As terrible as it is, unfortunately there is nothing we can do," Assistant Police Chief Stephanie Smith said. "There is no doubt we need a law for mental health rights, but pending this investigation, we just don't know what else to do."

 

According to police, Eva Cameron stopped at the Big Orange Bar in Caryville on June 28 when her daughter, Lynn, needed to use the restroom.

 

The mother left Lynn by the side of the road and returned to her home in Algonquin, Illinois, according to Smith.

 

"(Lynn) didn't know her age, she didn't know her address, she didn't know her phone number and she didn't even know her name," according to Smith.

 

Eva Cameron told the Northwest Herald newspaper in Illinois that she brought Lynn to Caryville because of its concentration of Baptists and because Tennessee has the "No. 1 health care system in the United States of America."

 

 

 

Read more: http://www.wyff4.com/news/national/Official-Mother-abandons-disabled-daughter/-/9324256/15468588/-/npx7srz/-/index.html#ixzz216PLapAh

 

 

What a tragic situation. :crying: I hope the girl has a better life now than she might have otherwise.

[DusksAngel]

I don't think her physical age should have anything to do with it. If her mom didn't want to take care of her, she should have contacted her local family support office and asked for help.

[SKL]

States should have a procedure that parents can follow when they decide they can no longer care for their adult children.

 

I don't know how you make it illegal, though, because where do you draw the line? Which children are in need of parental guidance at age 18 and which are not? It's a very subjective question if you think about it.

 

As much as I believe I'd never do that, a parent is not legally required to support a 19yo child unless she's that child's legal guardian. And frankly, some parents can't and some parents shouldn't. If the mom said it was too much, I tend to believe her.

 

Presumably this parent is not receiving aid or whatever linked to her 19yo, since she's not the legal guardian. (Of course if she continued to receive the child's benefits etc, that would be a different issue.)

 

My aunt has a severely autistic adult child who lives in an institution a couple of counties away. She never left him abandoned on the roadside (that I know of), but I don't think she has much to do with him. I assume she visits him occasionally. This does not upset me, though I might do things differently myself.

[lionfamily1999]

While I know many (most?) of the places used to house the disabled in 80s were a nightmare I do think we lost an asset when they were all closed.

 

I wish there were a system similar to the safe haven drop offs for new borns, for people in the mother's situation.

 

Illegal? No. Should something be done to provide a safer alternative? Yes.

 

-------------

 

Ducking under my umbrella.

[SKL]

I wonder if the mom had a reason for not wanting the daughter in care in Illinois. Maybe the state system is awful there and she couldn't formally place her in another state.

[jewellsmommy]

Wow, that's tough. Obviously that was not the way to handle the situation. That poor girl! I can't imagine a mother doing that. :crying:

 

I will also say that we aren't privy to all the details. I don't know what other avenues were available to this mother, maybe she needed help and didn't know how to get it :confused:. I read that she had another special needs child too.

 

 

ETA: I don't know that a law would help. I just don't have enough info to form an educated opinion on the matter.

Edited July 19, 2012 by jewellsmommy

[ravinlunachick]

I wonder if the mom had a reason for not wanting the daughter in care in Illinois. Maybe the state system is awful there and she couldn't formally place her in another state.

 

The article made it sound as though the mother had made some attempt at researching before she made her decision. I'm not sure she was using the best criteria (# of Baptists), though.

 

I'm not sure how we as a society draw this line, either. It's easy to answer for a minor child, but it gets complicated once we're talking about legal adults. Reading this made me think of Martha's recent thread about the responsibility parents have to their adult children. Should parents of disabled children be responsible for them for life?

[laundrycrisis]

Wow, that is local - I am 5 min from Algonquin. And I was just reading an article in Chicago Special Parent today (while I waited in the OT waiting room) that IL ranks 48th in care for the disabled. :(

 

Here is a link to a blog article about it:

 

http://abilitychicagoinfo.blogspot.com/2012/07/illinois-near-bottom-in-caring-for.html

 

I am not in any way trying to justify what she did, but I do wonder how desperate she felt.

[kalanamak]

This is more common than you think, it just doesn't normally make the papers. I live in a state with rather better mental health care, and more than one family had doped a grown sibling, flown them in, and let them act up in the airport so that the person gets picked up and detained. Then the sibs go back to whatever state, leaving a very confused, disabled sib who cries like heck when s/he sees family once every other year (maybe).

[prairiewindmomma]

There should be a better adult-in-need-of-care safety net system. If a parent cannot care for an adult child (or for an elderly relative, for that matter), there should be some means of ensuring that they can be adequately cared for by "society" (private charity, government, something....)

[Lang Syne Boardie]

My SIL is co-guardian of a disabled adult.

 

The lady is almost 50 and functions at about the level of a 5yo child. Her mother died five years ago, and her father died two years ago at age 80.

 

The parents absolutely believed they were responsible for their beloved child. They lived on a shoestring for their whole lives, I'm talking rural KY poverty, so they could put every extra penny into a trust for her after they were gone.

 

Then most of the people they had named in their will as guardians actually died before they did, so after the Mom died the very elderly father got very concerned about who would take care of D.

 

He finally just asked my SIL outright. She's the wife of the pastor of his church, and had helped to take care of D. after the Mom died. He also asked the wife of one of the elders of the church. Both women got together with their husbands and talked it over, and agreed to be responsible for D. for the rest of her life. It is one of the most loving stories I've ever seen.

 

When the Dad died, SIL and the other lady called upon women in the church and community to basically take over their own responsibilities (and SIL is a homeschooling Mom!) while they helped D. through the transition of her Daddy dying. They took shifts around the clock, living with her and trying to help her understand, for an entire summer. Then they began interviewing caretakers and institutions, and finally found a group home setting in their city that they felt good about.

 

It's close enough that both guardians can and do drop in with no notice to make sure D. is being treated well. The whole church also works on a visiting rotation with nobody going so often that it's burdensome, and they've all just agreed that she is the church's responsibility with pastor's wife and elder's wife as the guardians.

 

The Dad, T., had no choice but to trust these friends, and I thank God they are living up to what he wanted for his baby girl. He had taken care of her for 50 years, and felt responsible for her care for her entire life.

[kalanamak]

 

I am not in any way trying to justify what she did, but I do wonder how desperate she felt.

 

She could have been raped/murdered. Much better to drop someone off at an ER. Families do powders from ERs all the time.

[Murphy101]

Should they?

 

I would do everything I could do and not be ale to live with myself if I didn't. I think it is pathetic that dropping her kid off in another state might very well have been the best she could do, especially as she had two disabled children. :(

 

Do they have to? No. And I don't think the law should change bc I don't think that will solve the problem.

[SKL]

My SIL is co-guardian of a disabled adult.

 

The lady is almost 50 and functions at about the level of a 5yo child. Her mother died five years ago, and her father died two years ago at age 80.

 

The parents absolutely believed they were responsible for their beloved child. They lived on a shoestring for their whole lives, I'm talking rural KY poverty, so they could put every extra penny into a trust for her after they were gone.

 

Then most of the people they had named in their will as guardians actually died before they did, so after the Mom died the very elderly father got very concerned about who would take care of D.

 

He finally just asked my SIL outright. She's the wife of the pastor of his church, and had helped to take care of D. after the Mom died. He also asked the wife of one of the elders of the church. Both women got together with their husbands and talked it over, and agreed to be responsible for D. for the rest of her life. It is one of the most loving stories I've ever seen.

 

When the Dad died, SIL and the other lady called upon women in the church and community to basically take over their own responsibilities (and SIL is a homeschooling Mom!) while they helped D. through the transition of her Daddy dying. They took shifts around the clock, living with her and trying to help her understand, for an entire summer. Then they began interviewing caretakers and institutions, and finally found a group home setting in their city that they felt good about.

 

It's close enough that both guardians can and do drop in with no notice to make sure D. is being treated well. The whole church also works on a visiting rotation with nobody going so often that it's burdensome, and they've all just agreed that she is the church's responsibility with pastor's wife and elder's wife as the guardians.

 

The Dad, T., had no choice but to trust these friends, and I thank God they are living up to what he wanted for his baby girl. He had taken care of her for 50 years, and felt responsible for her care for her entire life.

 

My mom's stepdad had a sister with DS who (unusually in those days) outlived her mother. Mom lived to be almost 100 so daughter was around 50. She went to live with my granny, who cared for her until granny died at 70. Then she went to live with her sister, but she died shortly thereafter. Who knows whether she was well-cared-for or not in the end? I could see how this would be a parent's worst nightmare.

[Kathryn]

How sad! It sounds like the mom tried to do some research, but how odd to leave her onhte side of the road by a bar. I agree with everyone else's observations about what a sticky situation this could be if it were illegal, but how tragic it is that it happened.

[Murphy101]

Ohhh. Tibbie. :'(

 

That's beautiful and exactly how it should be. *sniff*:)

[laundrycrisis]

She could have been raped/murdered. Much better to drop someone off at an ER. Families do powders from ERs all the time.

 

I totally agree, it was dangerous and very foolish. A 19 yo severely disabled girl was left alone at a bar !!! Very reckless. If she was going to do this she should have at least picked a safer location.

[Just Kate]

Wow, that's tough. Obviously that was not the way to handle the situation. That poor girl! I can't imagine a mother doing that. :crying:

 

I will also say that we aren't privy to all the details. I don't know what other avenues were available to this mother, maybe she needed help and didn't know how to get it :confused:. I read that she had another special needs child too.

 

 

ETA: I don't know that a law would help. I just don't have enough info to form an educated opinion on the matter.

 

I agree that maybe she didn't know how to get the help that she needed...but dropping her child off outside of a bar??? I can think of many places that would be more appropriate than a bar. What an odd choice. :confused:

 

And to answer the original question, no I don't think this should be illegal. I don't believe that more laws typically help much (in instances such as this). I do believe that it is awful that the mother did this though.

[ravinlunachick]

She could have been raped/murdered. Much better to drop someone off at an ER. Families do powders from ERs all the time.

 

I bet she was afraid that there would be police (and social services) in the ER. If she worried that abandoning the girl was illegal, she probably didn't want to be noticed. :( Still, a bar *was* a poor choice.

 

Tibbie, that's a beautiful story. How wonderful for the lady and her father to have such a caring church community! ♥

[SKL]

Let's not assume the mom is necessarily playing with a full deck herself.

[phathui5]

In our town, there are adult foster care homes where disabled adults are taken care of.

[kalanamak]

I totally agree, it was dangerous and very foolish. A 19 yo severely disabled girl was left alone at a bar !!! Very reckless. If she was going to do this she should have at least picked a safer location.

 

And in answer to a question, yes it should be illegal. That mother knew very well the child couldn't fend for itself. She would not be required to provide for it, but to dump at a bar is reckless endangerment.

[bettyandbob]

mom should not have left her in that location. But the truth is there is no safety net for disabled adult children. Aging parents become worn out and are put on waiting lists. In my state you don't actually come off the waiting list unless some emergency happens, like the parent who provided housing dies. This allows no comfortable transition to new housing for the disabled adult child. He loses his parent and his home at the same time.

 

20 years ago I worked in advocacy. My county was telling parents if they were not going to care for their children leave them at the homeless shelter. Then they would pick them up and find something. A man called me desperate. He and his wife were in their late 70s and were really unable to care for their daughter. She was in her 50s, had been wheel chair bound her whole life, could not dress herself. I was really surprised (and very sad) he thought the homeless shelter was a good idea. He was exhausted and desperate. There was another case around that time where an elderly woman had just learned she had a recurrence of breast cancer. She killed her daughter and then herself--she figured she was dying and there was no one to care for dd. In the years since I had that job the situation in my state has gotten worse.

 

I try very hard not to think about it, since I have a dc with disabilities. If we figure out jobs we will move to a state that has better programs, but for now we stay because this state has good options for my other dc to go to college.

 

I guess the woman researched the state and thought it had better services than her state. I would only fault her with saying should have done more research and left her at a place that could get the young woman into social services faster : hospital, a church (on a Sunday, when there are people there), a police station, etc

[laundrycrisis]

I guess the woman researched the state and thought it had better services than her state. I would only fault her with saying should have done more research and left her at a place that could get the young woman into social services faster : hospital, a church (on a Sunday, when there are people there), a police station, etc

 

One of the articles

 

http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2012/07/10/disabled-illinois-woman-abandoned-in-tennessee-mom-wont-be-charged/

 

said she chose that town because her church advised her that there was a high concentration of Baptists there....umm, then leave her in front of a church while service is going on to be found when it lets out...not at a bar...the Baptists you are looking for to rescue your daughter are probably not in the bar.

Edited July 19, 2012 by laundrycrisis

[labst60]

illegal - no.

 

immoral - yes.

 

Just because something is "wrong" and not ethical doesn't mean a law needs to be written to make it illegal.

[Murphy101]

One of the articles

 

http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2012/07/10/disabled-illinois-woman-abandoned-in-tennessee-mom-wont-be-charged/

 

said she chose that town because her church advised her that there was a high concentration of Baptists there....umm, then leave her in front of a church while service is going on to be found when it lets out...not at a bar...the Baptists you are looking for to rescue your daughter are probably not in the bar.

 

Yeahhhh. I'm thinking skl is right and we shouldn't assume the mom is operating on all cylinders either.:001_huh:

Edited July 20, 2012 by Martha

[kalanamak]

Let's not assume the mom is necessarily playing with a full deck herself.

 

A whole lot of people arrested and charged with a crime aren't playing with full decks, either, but this one could drive and decide healthcare was better in one place than another. Could be the bar was more where mom wanted to stop than the kid. For a "stiffener", to quote Keeping Up Appearances.

[bettyandbob]

A whole lot of people arrested and charged with a crime aren't playing with full decks, either, but this one could drive and decide healthcare was better in one place than another. Could be the bar was more where mom wanted to stop than the kid. For a "stiffener", to quote Keeping Up Appearances.

 

 

Or because she'd reached the point of feeling she had to abandon her child because she really couldn't take care of her and that was such an awful feeling that drinking was her inappropriate way of handling the stress.

[jewellsmommy]

I agree that maybe she didn't know how to get the help that she needed...but dropping her child off outside of a bar??? I can think of many places that would be more appropriate than a bar. What an odd choice. :confused:

 

And to answer the original question, no I don't think this should be illegal. I don't believe that more laws typically help much (in instances such as this). I do believe that it is awful that the mother did this though.

 

 

Oh I totally agree! That's what I was thinking about when I said I can't imagine a mom doing such a thing. I don't think she could have picked much worse a place than that!

[justamouse]

You know, I fully bet that the mother waited that long because she COULD do it and not get charged.

 

Asshat.

 

That said, we really need a way to take care of this. And it should be illegal until we get a support system in place.

 

It's got to be hard, I get that. I worked in a hospital for the severely disabled. It was a school, too, and the parents pretty much deposited their kids there. And it was some serious escarole.

 

I can't imagine if how a parent with no resources does, but dropping them off like a dog at a bar should be illegal.

[jelbe5]

I just want to chime in here . . .

 

I am not saying how this mother handled things is right. But as a parent of a disabled child I think I can understand what may have been going on in this mother's head just a little bit.

 

Services for families with disabled children and adults in IL are deplorable. And more cuts are being made. Wait lists for housing are over a decade long.

 

My dh and I figure when dh retires we will have to move to another state to look for housing for our son as he will never be able to live independently and I know my dh and I won't be here forever . . . no flames please, but if God decided to take my ds before us I would be able to leave this earth knowing that he is in a better place and not worrying if he is in some horrible placement, being abused, etc. Other friends I know who also have a disabled child have said the same thing but are so afraid to talk about such things.

 

One way to force services/placement is to have the individual hospitalized and then refuse to bring them home/pick them up when they are ready to be released from the hospital. Of course you can get into all sorts of trouble by doing that (basically abandoning the child) but it can get some help. Dh and I have already discussed that this may be something we might have to do someday. Not looking forward to that day. :(

 

I am not condoning what this mother did and I personally would not handle the situation the way she chose to. I would go the ER and refusal to take the child back route. But I acknowledge that I do not know the whole story and I do not know what the mother was going through or what help she tried to obtain. I do know that there is not much help here in IL and some days the future looks pretty bleak as far as where our disabled kids, who will someday become adults, is concerned.

[bettyandbob]

That said, we really need a way to take care of this. And it should be illegal until we get a support system in place.

 

 

Frequently, on this board people say they expect responsibility to their dc to end when their dc is 18. This person is 19. You can't make a law that says you don't need to take care of your dc after they are 18 and then say but if the child is disabled you have care for them forever. I think there is a moral responsibility , but there should not be a legal responsibility.

 

If things like this didn't happen and highlight the fact that there is no safety net no work would ever be done to rectify the issue. I think what the woman did was wrong, but people are being forced to make horrible choices with adult children with disabilities.

[Kathryn]

:grouphug: Adrianne.

[justamouse]

 

 

Frequently, on this board people say they expect responsibility to their dc to end when their dc is 18. This person is 19. You can't make a law that says you don't need to take care of your dc after they are 18 and then say but if the child is disabled you have care for them forever. I think there is a moral responsibility , but there should not be a legal responsibility.

 

If things like this didn't happen and highlight the fact that there is no safety net no work would ever be done to rectify the issue. I think what the woman did was wrong, but people are being forced to make horrible choices with adult children with disabilities.

 

It's one thing to WANT to be able to help a legal adult child. To believe that you morally should. that child is independent. It's another thing to not be able to physically take care of that person who will be completely dependent on them for life, and that level of need is far beyond what most people are capable of handling for life without help.

 

This is apples and oranges. You want to talk that, then you need to talk Universal Healthcare. Which is another reason it should be done.

 

We need laws like that because apparently people need to be reminded that people are humans, not animals. Why not just be Roman and leave the kid as a baby in the woods if we don't want it? Let's face it, that would be illegal, no? How is this any different?

Edited July 20, 2012 by justamouse

[Caroline]

 

That said, we really need a way to take care of this. And it should be illegal until we get a support system in place.

 

It's got to be hard, I get that. I worked in a hospital for the severely disabled. It was a school, too, and the parents pretty much deposited their kids there. And it was some serious escarole.

 

I can't imagine if how a parent with no resources does, but dropping them off like a dog at a bar should be illegal.

 

How do we get a support system in place? (I am not picking on you justamouse, but I was thinking about support systems, too, and I agree with what you have said here.)

 

kalanamak, what do we need? What kind of facilitites? What kind of professionals? How many people do you think are out there that need these support systems?

[justamouse]

How do we get a support system in place? (I am not picking on you justamouse, but I was thinking about support systems, too, and I agree with what you have said here.)

 

kalanamak, what do we need? What kind of facilitites? What kind of professionals? How many people do you think are out there that need these support systems?

 

I honestly do believe Universal healthcare in this case. People will always be born with disabilities. That way parents who can provide for their needs will be able to, or, if it's too serious and beyond their scope, they have homes for them. Taking care of the least of these should be the moral imperative of our country.

 

We have a close friend who became a father late in age to a severely autistic child. His greatest fear is dying and what will happen to his son.

[bettyandbob]

We have a close friend who became a father late in age to a severely autistic child. His greatest fear is dying and what will happen to his son.

 

 

I am sure my ds will outlive dh and I.

[lionfamily1999]

I just want to chime in here . . .

 

I am not saying how this mother handled things is right. But as a parent of a disabled child I think I can understand what may have been going on in this mother's head just a little bit.

 

Services for families with disabled children and adults in IL are deplorable. And more cuts are being made. Wait lists for housing are over a decade long.

 

My dh and I figure when dh retires we will have to move to another state to look for housing for our son as he will never be able to live independently and I know my dh and I won't be here forever . . . no flames please, but if God decided to take my ds before us I would be able to leave this earth knowing that he is in a better place and not worrying if he is in some horrible placement, being abused, etc. Other friends I know who also have a disabled child have said the same thing but are so afraid to talk about such things.

 

One way to force services/placement is to have the individual hospitalized and then refuse to bring them home/pick them up when they are ready to be released from the hospital. Of course you can get into all sorts of trouble by doing that (basically abandoning the child) but it can get some help. Dh and I have already discussed that this may be something we might have to do someday. Not looking forward to that day. :(

 

I am not condoning what this mother did and I personally would not handle the situation the way she chose to. I would go the ER and refusal to take the child back route. But I acknowledge that I do not know the whole story and I do not know what the mother was going through or what help she tried to obtain. I do know that there is not much help here in IL and some days the future looks pretty bleak as far as where our disabled kids, who will someday become adults, is concerned.

 

It is so wrong that you would be in such a position.

 

Here is a thought on the location. I don't know that town and I am not clear on what time the daughter was dropped off. Here if you came into town and it wasn't tourist season the likeliest places you would see for a "bathroom break" while you were driving (that had parking where your car would not be visible) are bars. During the days they sell gross food for too much money, but you get to have a beer while you eat and families eat there regularly (the gross food is mpo). They are bars, but they are open during the day. The parkinglots are not easily seen from inside, and they are the only places that fit that bill. Some tourists are surprised to find themselves and their families in the middle of a drunk end of the week crowd once they get inside, because they look like restaurants that serve alcohol from the outside.

 

It could have been that the bar looked like the quietest open place she could find.

 

I really do think they need to have an equivalent to the safe haven drop spots for adults.

[lionfamily1999]

How do we get a support system in place? (I am not picking on you justamouse, but I was thinking about support systems, too, and I agree with what you have said here.)

 

kalanamak, what do we need? What kind of facilitites? What kind of professionals? How many people do you think are out there that need these support systems?

 

We had institutions. Many (most?) were horrible. However, the service they provided (long term care for the severely disabled paid for by the state with little to nothing expected from the families) is needed and unobtainable.

[SKL]

For those who are talking about universal healthcare: it is already the responsibility of every state to take care of disabled adults 100%. The states are ignoring this responsibility because it's easy to do so. These folks rarely complain when they aren't treated right. They don't know how to hire a lawyer and sue someone, or file an appeal, or make a stink on the TV news. So they are neglected. But it's not because the government isn't legally responsible.

[jelbe5]

Parents of special needs kids are constantly fighting and I think finally a parent can just give up. It is so exhausting.

 

First you are fighting with doctors, medical people (to get answers or a referral)

 

Then you are constantly fighting with the insurance company if you have insurance.

 

Then you are fighting with the school district to get that "free and appropriate education". This is one reason why we chose to homeschool.

 

Soon I will be fighting to get SSI/disability and guardianship for our son, as well as a long term placement.

 

And all the hopes and dreams you have for that child are gone and that sadness never goes away.

 

Don't get me wrong. Our lives are very happy and we have lots of love and fun most of the time. I do not sit around moping about what could have been. But my son is bigger than me now. When he threw a fit in the library in December and my dh tried to drag him to the car the security guard called the police. I told Jeff that if something like that ever happens again, ask them to call an ambulance, too, so they can sedate Makclin and take him to the hospital. There is not much help or even understanding at times. And it is exhausting. We are always vigilant, wondering when the next meltdown will happen. And my daughters love their brother and will help with him, but I want them to have their own lives, too, kwim? I just feel so sad when I hear stories like this because I figure the parent just finally snapped . . .

 

ETA people who work with those with disabilities are usually paid pretty poorly, too. So unfortunately this sometimes results in questionable people having access to the most vulnerable. I worked in a care facility for mentally ill adults before our children were born. There were some great staff, but there was an equal number of staff who needed to go (and happily some did). And sometimes residents of such facilities abuse and exploit one another, too.

Edited July 20, 2012 by jelbe5

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I honestly do believe Universal healthcare in this case. People will always be born with disabilities. That way parents who can provide for their needs will be able to, or, if it's too serious and beyond their scope, they have homes for them. Taking care of the least of these should be the moral imperative of our country.

 

We have a close friend who became a father late in age to a severely autistic child. His greatest fear is dying and what will happen to his son.

 

 

 

I am sure my ds will outlive dh and I.

 

:grouphug:

 

I've been thinking about this thread all evening.

 

I was thinking about how Thomas and Jewel really struggled their whole life to be able to provide for Darlene, and it was soooo hard, but they could manage it and they did.

 

I think most people wouldn't be able to manage it, no matter what they wanted to do, because the cost of health care alone (for the disabled child) would eat up more than 100% of the extra money. Isn't that how the nation got on the subject of health care reform in the first place.

 

And what about those who aren't still fairly young when they realize they have a child who will be disabled for life? Maybe they don't have children until they are 40. That doesn't leave much time to save for their own retirement and their child's entire lifetime of care. Maybe their child is healthy for most of his childhood but becomes permanently disabled later.

 

This type of thing should be what our taxes go for. We do have poor and helpless among us who need the strong to bear the burden for them.

 

Honestly, that's what I have against out-of-control entitlement programs. They divert resources from those who have no options. (I hope that wasn't too political.)

Edited July 20, 2012 by Tibbie Dunbar

[SKL]

:grouphug:

This type of thing should be what our taxes go for. We do have poor and helpless among us who need the strong to bear the burden for them.

 

Honestly, that's what I have against out-of-control entitlement programs. They divert resources from those who have no options. (I hope that wasn't too political.)

 

:iagree:

[bettyandbob]

:

 

And what about those who aren't still fairly young when they realize they have a child who will be disabled for life? Maybe they don't have children until they are 40. That doesn't leave much time to save for their own retirement and their child's entire lifetime of care.

 

 

I don't expect to retire. I also know that if my other dc locate some distance away my opportunities to visit them ( and any grandchildren ) will be limited. These are concepts I've thought about recently.

[EthiopianFood]

We had institutions. Many (most?) were horrible. However, the service they provided (long term care for the severely disabled paid for by the state with little to nothing expected from the families) is needed and unobtainable.

 

This is why we have group homes, though. I work in an adult foster home (working with the mom's own special needs kids), so that is also an option.

 

I am completely shocked that people can't get a group home placement for their adult children in other states. :001_huh: I worked in a home with a girl with profound MR. When she turned 18, the family said they were done, and the wait for a group home would only be another six months. Not only that, but they weren't willing to wait that long, and were able to put her in an emergency foster home right away. How is this not available elsewhere?? :001_huh: This family had staff that was paid for by the state essentially whenever the child was awake, as well.

 

The fact that the mother didn't have guardianship over the child seems odd to me. If she had this level of disability, how was she not receiving services over the years? This whole thing seems so odd to me.

[justamouse]

:grouphug:

 

I've been thinking about this thread all evening.

 

I was thinking about how Thomas and Jewel really struggled their whole life to be able to provide for Darlene, and it was soooo hard, but they could manage it and they did.

 

I think most people wouldn't be able to manage it, no matter what they wanted to do, because the cost of health care alone (for the disabled child) would eat up more than 100% of the extra money. Isn't that how the nation got on the subject of health care reform in the first place.

 

And what about those who aren't still fairly young when they realize they have a child who will be disabled for life? Maybe they don't have children until they are 40. That doesn't leave much time to save for their own retirement and their child's entire lifetime of care. Maybe their child is healthy for most of his childhood but becomes permanently disabled later.

 

This type of thing should be what our taxes go for. We do have poor and helpless among us who need the strong to bear the burden for them.

 

Honestly, that's what I have against out-of-control entitlement programs. They divert resources from those who have no options. (I hope that wasn't too political.)

 

:iagree:

 

BTW, who are Thomas and Jewell?

 

And there's this tidbit at the tail end of the article.

 

Authorities took Lynn Cameron to a hospital, where she was discovered to have only a basic vocabulary of 30-40 words, according to Smith.

 

A Campbell County Chancery Court order in the case described Lynn as a "severely disabled adult, suffering from profound mental deficits, and is unable to care for herself or her personal needs."

 

According to the court, the mother stated, "She could not and would not care for Lynn Cameron."

 

Eva Cameron said that she has another disabled child and that caring for both was too much to handle, according to the Northwest Herald.

 

Authorities said Lynn Cameron is being cared for at a facility in Roane County.

 

When asked how the young woman is doing, Smith replied, "Lynn is doing fantastic."

 

 

 

 

Now this is interesting. I wonder if the state will come in and take the other child, and do they have a case? Or she could be lying, but at least we know this woman had reached her breaking point. Which would explain the stoic response.

[EthiopianFood]

ETA people who work with those with disabilities are usually paid pretty poorly, too. So unfortunately this sometimes results in questionable people having access to the most vulnerable. I worked in a care facility for mentally ill adults before our children were born. There were some great staff, but there was an equal number of staff who needed to go (and happily some did). And sometimes residents of such facilities abuse and exploit one another, too.

 

But this is still a better option than dropping your child off in front of a bar. :( As far as being paid poorly, the starting wage HERE is $3 more than minimum wage, with NO experience, so I often wonder why in the world so many people still work retail. If a client has a lot of behaviors/needs, there is a differential. I have to agree that there are bad staff out there, though. :(

[Laurie4b]

Reminds me of that Flannery O'Connor story : "The Life You Save Might Be Your Own."

 

Just a tragic situation. If there were decent care available, it should be illegal to abandon someone with the mental capacities of a child, but if there are no options, I can see how someone couldn't cope after a while and then what?

[jelbe5]

That is not the case here in IL with regards to pay for staff. I witnessed resident abuse when I was working. Here in IL a completly incapacitated woman was raped an impregnated by an aid. Not saying leaving a disabled individual at a bar is right. But options her in IL, where this woman is from, are dismal.

 

ETA working with the disabled is hard work, too. I loved my clients, but I had to dodge being hit, bit, pooped on, etc. The pay should reflect the possible hazards.

Edited July 20, 2012 by jelbe5

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Oh, sorry! Thomas and Jewel were the parents of the 50yo disabled lady I mentioned upthread. Thomas asked my SIL to be his daughter's guardian when he died.