S/O breadwinner thread: Career ideas for our daughters/future stay at home moms

[LNC]

nm

Edited July 13, 2012 by LNC

[kricau]

I don't have too much to offer, as we have years before we have to think about these things (thank goodness)LOL

 

But I have run into women nurses who are also moms, and they only work on a day or two a week. Usually the weekend night shift. So if her DH worked regular Mon-Fri day hours, taht would be perfect. She could still see him on the weekends during the day :)

[DawnM]

I strongly agree with medical careers. But I don't believe women have to stay at home.

[Danestress]

I don't have too much to offer, as we have years before we have to think about these things (thank goodness)LOL

 

But I have run into women nurses who are also moms, and they only work on a day or two a week. Usually the weekend night shift. So if her DH worked regular Mon-Fri day hours, taht would be perfect. She could still see him on the weekends during the day :)

 

I have known a number of nurses who work only weekend nights or have some other arrangement that makes it work well for a family. And if she ends up as the breadwinner because of unemployment or some other circumstance, an RN makes more money than many other professions that Moms commonly work in.

 

That said, ultimately your daughter's affinity for certain areas of study and lines of work will determine this. It is hard to know how life will work out. She may end up working for a number of years before she is married with child, so ideally it would be work, IMHO, that she personally feels happy with.

[tmulcahy]

I don't have too much to offer, as we have years before we have to think about these things (thank goodness)LOL

 

But I have run into women nurses who are also moms, and they only work on a day or two a week. Usually the weekend night shift. So if her DH worked regular Mon-Fri day hours, taht would be perfect. She could still see him on the weekends during the day :)

 

 

Coming from experience, if you work weekend nights, you do not get to see anyone during the day. That is when you sleep. A 12 hour shift equates to being away for about 14 hours. That includes the fact that you are actually at work for 12 and a half hours plus the drive time. In my experience it was destructive to my family for me to try to work odd shift work, get little sleep, and still function at home. I know some people do it. It just did not work for us.

 

To the OP, I have no suggestions and I have often wondered what a college path would look like if my girls wanted to be stay at home moms.

[Danestress]

The op specifically mentioned jobs that do not require daycare, so I was thinking about that. But if her daighter had a nursing lisence, she could still work other shifts - it just opens up an option that she could consider.

 

Who knows how things will end up. She could end up married to a cop that works nights, and find she needs to work days if she absolutely has to work and can't rely on paid care.

[Wheres Toto]

That said, ultimately your daughter's affinity for certain areas of study and lines of work will determine this. It is hard to know how life will work out. She may end up working for a number of years before she is married with child, so ideally it would be work, IMHO, that she personally feels happy with.

 

:iagree: I often see nursing as the ideal for job security and flexibility but it's a very hard job that can be miserable for a person who doesn't have an affinity for it. I worked as a CNA for a while and was absolutely miserable.

 

My plan was to be a veterinarian. Lack of funds leading to having to take a lot of breaks from college changed that plan. I didn't finish my first degree (Biology) until I was 29 and my second (Business Administration, Marketing) until I was 34. I also have everything except my student teaching for Elementary Education. My "career" was working for pharmaceutical companies as an Executive Assistant and/or Marketing Coordinator. It wasn't my dream career but it was interesting work that paid well.

 

My oldest is going to college with a major in Forensic Psychology with a minor in dance (wouldn't be surprised if the major changes). I don't think she's given any thought to whether she wants to be a sahm or not. She was not homeschooled so I doubt she will homeschool her kids unless there is a special need (basically why I homeschool). I have encouraged her strongly to finish college before starting her family.

[LNC]

nm

Edited July 13, 2012 by LNC

[PiCO]

In your 4th paragraph, you say your dd absolutely doesn't want to be a teacher, and later in the paragraph you say your plan for her would be to teach online or at a private school. Maybe you should re-think that.

 

I think it's a good idea for a woman to have a job she can do from home, or on a flexible schedule. But I think she should also enjoy what she's doing, if at all possible. A teacher who does not want to be teaching will be miserable, just as a nurse who hates her job will not be good at it.

[Cinder]

I knew a woman who worked 12-hour weekend shifts as a nurse so she could be at home during the week to homeschool her dc. It was very hard but she did it because at the time her dh had been laid off and was having trouble finding work.

 

I also knew a woman who was a pharmacist. She was mostly a SAHM who also homeschooled. She worked at the pharmacy only one weekend per month, sometimes two.

 

I knew a woman who had a military officer career and though she was married during that time (her dh was also a military officer) they decided to delay having children until right before she was eligible to retire. They both knew what a military career would entail--deployments, long hours, separations--and didn't want to have children with all that going on.

 

My niece has a master's in history and is able to stay at home with their son. She works from home digitizing historical documents for a nearby university. She also bakes fancy confections on the side.

 

My sister has always had to work but she lives near enough to family that her children were cared for by in-laws, not daycare, until they were school-aged.

 

My neighbor worked for awhile in a preschool program. Her ds was enrolled in that program. It was a short enough day that she could see her dd off to school and be home in time to pick her up.

 

I think there are just so many possibilities for combining work and family obligations.

[tmulcahy]

The op specifically mentioned jobs that do not require daycare, so I was thinking about that. But if her daighter had a nursing lisence, she could still work other shifts - it just opens up an option that she could consider.

 

Who knows how things will end up. She could end up married to a cop that works nights, and find she needs to work days if she absolutely has to work and can't rely on paid care.

 

Yeah, I know it does work for some. It just did not work here. My husband began to travel as part of his work about 8 years ago. Because we homeschool, my only option was to work weekends. The only shift that was available was the night shift. It really stunk. Honestly, even a weekend day shift would have prevented us from having any family time.

 

If a nurse can work a few split evening shifts and the hubby is home to watch the children, that is a better option. I just caution anyone from taking a job that takes away from the only opportunity for united family time. In our case it was the weekend. It really stresses families out.

 

Having a nursing degree is comforting though. It is a career that would allow me to get a job at anytime if I really needed to.

[Leanna Tomlinson]

Nurses don't necessarily have to work shifts. For three years I did home visits for a home health agency in the evenings. I usually only had to work 2-3 hours giving an antibiotic, changing a dressing, or drawing blood. I usually took the times that the full time nurses did not want, or relieved them when they had too many cases.

 

This was a great source of extra income for us and my little ones were usually in bed. I was usually home by midnight and didn't suffer from any loss of sleep.

[JennyB]

I have thought long and hard about this. My daughter is 13.

My youngest son has had medical issues also so she has been exposed to many medical carrers. Right now I am encouraging her to look at occupational therapy, physical therapy, or speech therapy. They all are in high need and make what I consider to be very good money. OT and PT make around 65 per hour not working on call. You make more money doing that. My sons speech therapist makes 85 per half hour.

A couple of reasons why we really like these fields, good pay, you can work part time. My sons pt through early intervention only works a couple of days a week when her husband is home. There is also a wide variety within the fields. Pediatric, injury, elderly, stroke victims, military. So if you get burned out of one field move to another.

These are fields that she can work in part time to be able to provide all the extras for her kids. We sat down and said, music, dance ect. lessons cost x dollars if you make this much, you would have to work this much so you could provide xyz. They are also fields that if something happens to her husband she could work part time and provide for herself and her children.

I am trying not to push her but I wish that I had thought about it and had a marketable skill to bring in money to help my family. It did really help that my sons speech therapist to her yesterday that she should go into one of these fields that she would be great at it.. She perked up at that.

We are also looking at carreers for my son. He wants to be involved in his children's schooling and does not want to be stuck in an office 9-5. The older my kids get different things we have to think about.

[wapiti]

If we can talk terms for a moment, it seems to me that you're talking about choosing a career to facilitate being a working mom, either full or part-time.

 

Lifestyle choices that appeal to you now may be different from what appeals to your dd later. The types of careers available 15-20 years from now, and their corresponding lifestyles, may look very different from what's available now. I would not avoid a profession that your dd would otherwise be interested in just because you haven't yet seen someone balance that career with motherhood in a way that appeals to you. There are lots of ways to skin that cat, and I wonder if you haven't seen the tip of the iceberg.

 

FWIW, in my own case, I met my husband in law school and I was a litigator befor having kids. Sure, it's not a lifestyle conducive to working and having kids, though I may be the only one of our female law school friends who quit completely when my kids were born. The rest are still working, some in a full time capacity but others in various part-time or low-key capacities and are at home with their kids. I can honestly say that law school was the best decision I ever made regarding personal development, even though I haven't worked in a decade.

 

I'm just trying to demonstrate that the career choices open to your dd, who plans to be a mom and wants to be at home - and honestly, most women I've ever known have planned to be moms at some point - do not need to be limited to only certain types of careers. (Even my pediatrician works part-time and is at home with her kids the rest of the time.) Most careers, even professional ones, have lots of different types of jobs. I would cast a wider net.

 

Eta, this is a topic for a whole other thread, but you might also consider advising your dd on how to become a SAHM, i.e., choosing a spouse that might be able to afford her staying home eventually :tongue_smilie:

Edited July 13, 2012 by wapiti

[HappyGrace]

I wish I had words of wisdom for you. I am in a similar boat, praying fervently for dd12.

 

I specifically trained to be a court reporter (stenographer) in my 20s so I could be home with my kids but still go out on a couple depositions per wk and do the rest of my work at home. I finished the schooling and worked for a couple years, and I HATED it. Once I had kids I quit and I've been so happy. Caveat: I had not sought the Lord on this career decision for stenography, and went with what looked good "on paper". I know you are seeking the Lord's guidance for your daughter, unlike what I did.

 

Dd and I would both like her to have a flexible career of some type, where she could work full-time if needed (before marriage, death/unemployment/disability of dh), or part-time to supplement if needed/desired.

 

But I just read the book Kisses From Katie-wow, how the Lord is using that girl. At 18 the Lord led her to Uganda, where she stayed and adopted 14 girls, started a nonprofit, etc. She lives there now, unmarried, as a mother to all these girls, serving the community there, etc.

 

Highly recommended because it made me realize that the Lord will direct their paths, and that it may look very very different than we think. I'm trying to trust more in Him for this and pray for His will. All I can do is educate them the best I can, each day praying that we would be in the center of His will. I have no idea what this will look like as we are in high school, etc., and need to make college decisions and so on, but all I can do is walk day by day in trust.

[oasis]

All I ever wanted to be was a SAHM, and just my luck, it's my DH who is the SAHD (and he gets clausterphobic being at home so much.) It is amazing to me; what have I done to be punished in this way?!?! :D

 

Anyway, I wanted to mention that the nursing profession sounds like it would work very well. My SIL was a nurse, and now she's able to work from home, auditing cases from the local hospital.

 

Your dd could start a daycare business, or she could sell items online. If she's artistic, making items like hair bows can bring in quite a bit. I was on a forum where mothers brought in a full-time income selling items on eBay (mostly finding inventory at yard sales.) Some of the moms from the eBay board ended up becoming full-time photographers, running the business out of their own homes.

 

There are a lot of options, and she should start with what she loves to do!

[LNC]

nm

Edited July 13, 2012 by LNC

[DianeW88]

Nursing provides a TON of career options, many of which work well for a SAHM. When they're little, she would only have to work as many hours as would be required to keep her license. Then as her kids get older, she can add hours as she sees fit.

[QueenCat]

Lifestyle choices that appeal to you now may be different from what appeals to your dd later. The types of careers available 15-20 years from now, and their corresponding lifestyles, may look very different from what's available now. I would not avoid a profession that your dd would otherwise be interested in just because you haven't yet seen someone balance that career with motherhood in a way that appeals to you. There are lots of ways to skin that cat, and I wonder if you haven't seen the tip of the iceberg.

 

 

:iagree:Well said. And what your daughter thinks she'll want to do years down the road may very well change. She may choose (as in, not because she has to but because she wants to) to continue a career after she has kids. She may choose to stay home. That will be a choice for her, and her husband to determine.

[wapiti]

.

Edited March 27, 2015 by wapiti

[SwallowTail]

I will advise my daughter to choose a career that is portable (job can be found anywhere in the country or out of the country) and that can provide high pay and flexible/limited hours. Medical doctor, pharmacist, or registered nurse are all fields that come to mind, but I have no idea if she will like the healthcare field (I didn't, so I didn't make that choice, but I often regret it now).

 

Mostly, I will advise her to follow her passions, work hard, save as much mney as possible throughout her life especially prior to having children, and try to be prepared for most any eventuality by having excellent life and disability insurance on both herself and her spouse.

Edited July 13, 2012 by SwallowTail

[ocelotmom]

There are all sorts of possible options. Nursing (though not necessarily advanced practice nursing) is much more flexible than many other careers in that respect.

 

Nursing doesn't have to mean 12 hour shifts. In fact, I limit my job options because I prefer 3 12-hour shifts. Clinics, school nursing, and things like that are often a typical M-F schedule. Even in a hospital/subacute care setting, you can often find 6-8 hour shifts, or the option of working 1 or 2 12 hour shifts.

 

The necessity of working in order to maintain licensing varies from state to state. Neither state I've been licensed in has a work requirement for renewal, just continuing education. (Being out of work for an extended period may make it more difficult to find a job, though!) Working a fairly minimal amount PRN or seasonally (flu shot clinics and health fairs, for example) are two ways to get employment hours without being full time.

 

Our family manages my 12 hour shifts because my husband works from home with a flexible schedule. 3 12-hour shifts also means that there are 4 days free for the other spouse to work while the nurse-spouse does childcare, eliminating or reducing the need for some other source of childcare. Swing/overnight shifts can also allow for creative childcare sharing (though I would NOT recommend that someone put in a full day of childcare after a night shift!).

 

If I have another baby, our plan is for me to work some sort of part time schedule until the baby is eating solids in order to minimize the impact on nursing. This worked well for us with my youngest - I got a full-time job when she was 7 months old. Pumping didn't work out for various reasons, but she was able to come and nurse during my lunch break, and that worked out well.

Edited July 13, 2012 by ocelotmom

[Mergath]

Well, it's kind of a foreign concept to me that parents should tell their kids what to be interested in. :001_huh:

 

:iagree: I've been reading this, trying to figure out what I was missing, because I'm absolutely baffled as to why a mom would sit around planning her eighth grader's future career path. Seriously, am I missing something here? Is there some reason said child can't wait until she grows up and then choose for herself?

[LNC]

:iagree: I've been reading this, trying to figure out what I was missing, because I'm absolutely baffled as to why a mom would sit around planning her eighth grader's future career path. Seriously, am I missing something here? Is there some reason said child can't wait until she grows up and then choose for herself?

 

Wow - I was pretty clear if you read my op that I have regrets bc I did not have a plan myself. The breadwinner thread spurred my interest in what kind of jobs are available for someone who loves humanities but doesn't want to be a teacher... With the economy not doing so well, I think it is smart for both parents to have a "profession" to fall back on or use. I don't, and I would like my daughter to.

 

Never mind...

Edited July 13, 2012 by LNC

[QueenCat]

Well, it's kind of a foreign concept to me that parents should tell their kids what to be interested in. :001_huh:

 

True. It's one thing to encourage them to explore many options where their talents seem to thrive, but another to tell them what they can explore. And if they want to explore something we haven't thought of, or they haven't shown talent for, perhaps they'll develop the skills if they desire to achieve those goals (not always possible but can be with perseverance).

[LNC]

Well, it's kind of a foreign concept to me that parents should tell their kids what to be interested in. :001_huh:

 

I didn't say anything of the kind.

[marbel]

Wow - I was pretty clear if you read my op that I have regrets bc I did not have a plan myself. The breadwinner thread spurred my interest in what kind of jobs are available for someone who loves humanities but doesn't want to be a teacher... With the economy not doing so well, I think it is smart for both parents to have a "profession" to fall back on or use. I don't and I would like my daughter to.

 

Never mind...

 

I think I get you. I don't have any answers either, but I think about this a lot.

 

I'll try to keep this short... I was the first in my family to go to college (parents, older siblings did not). I wasn't given any particular guidance except to go into business. So I did, and I hated it, did poorly, and dropped out to get married. Huge mistakes.

 

After the divorce... I was working full time (in business!) and went back to school part time for my English degree. I got a generic degree and kept working in business, and did OK. I was self-supporting, etc. Then I met my husband and had kids and now am SAHM.

 

Now I think about possibly needing to work again and I feel a bit lost. (I am 56 years old.) I don't have a profession with a name, kwim? Nurse, doctor, paralegal, lawyer... I worked in customer service, did training, wrote manuals... decent work but not something that translates to finding work easily, particularly work at home which is what I would like since I am still homeschooling.

 

So I too would like my daughter to be better prepared than I was. Sometimes I kick myself for not going into nursing but you know what? I never even took Biology in high school, I'm not a particularly kind, caring and patient person, and I'm not that smart. So nursing would probably have been a poor choice for me. ;)

 

My daughter hopes to be a SAHM someday. Despite being around me, she also wants to homeschool her as-yet-hypothetical kids. But I can't raise her with that as the only thing in mind.

 

She is 13 and is drawn to art, and sewing, and other crafts. As we talk about her life and her upcoming studies, I try to encourage her to think about what she wants to do. I'd love her to go to nursing school but I don't see it happening. Maybe she'll get an art degree - I'd encourage her to get a teaching credential. I can't force her to follow an educational path that doesn't fit her, but I can encourage her to think about how she might support herself in a way she likes, if she has to.

 

But someone up above also pointed out, rightly I think, that we have no idea what the world will look like even in a few years. Higher education is changing rapidly, and so is the work force. Flexibility and building many valuable skills seems to be the way to go.

 

A woman I used to know told me that higher education and job training gave women a back door out of their marriages. That comment still bugs me, 10 years later. I needed that back door. But even if I hadn't, we don't know our lives are going to look like.

 

It's a balancing act!

[LNC]

I think I get you. I don't have any answers either, but I think about this a lot.

 

I'll try to keep this short... I was the first in my family to go to college (parents, older siblings did not). I wasn't given any particular guidance except to go into business. So I did, and I hated it, did poorly, and dropped out to get married. Huge mistakes.

 

After the divorce... I was working full time (in business!) and went back to school part time for my English degree. I got a generic degree and kept working in business, and did OK. I was self-supporting, etc. Then I met my husband and had kids and now am SAHM.

 

Now I think about possibly needing to work again and I feel a bit lost. (I am 56 years old.) I don't have a profession with a name, kwim? Nurse, doctor, paralegal, lawyer... I worked in customer service, did training, wrote manuals... decent work but not something that translates to finding work easily, particularly work at home which is what I would like since I am still homeschooling.

 

So I too would like my daughter to be better prepared than I was. Sometimes I kick myself for not going into nursing but you know what? I never even took Biology in high school, I'm not a particularly kind, caring and patient person, and I'm not that smart. So nursing would probably have been a poor choice for me. ;)

 

My daughter hopes to be a SAHM someday. Despite being around me, she also wants to homeschool her as-yet-hypothetical kids. But I can't raise her with that as the only thing in mind.

 

She is 13 and is drawn to art, and sewing, and other crafts. As we talk about her life and her upcoming studies, I try to encourage her to think about what she wants to do. I'd love her to go to nursing school but I don't see it happening. Maybe she'll get an art degree - I'd encourage her to get a teaching credential. I can't force her to follow an educational path that doesn't fit her, but I can encourage her to think about how she might support herself in a way she likes, if she has to.

 

But someone up above also pointed out, rightly I think, that we have no idea what the world will look like even in a few years. Higher education is changing rapidly, and so is the work force. Flexibility and building many valuable skills seems to be the way to go.

 

A woman I used to know told me that higher education and job training gave women a back door out of their marriages. That comment still bugs me, 10 years later. I needed that back door. But even if I hadn't, we don't know our lives are going to look like.

 

It's a balancing act!

 

Thanks for your kind and thoughtful response. I really appreciate it.

[alpidarkomama]

I think the OP is just exploring options and keeping a conversation going with her daughter about the pros/cons of various jobs. I think it's wonderful to be really thinking about this now and giving it a lot of thoughtful consideration.

 

I've been a music teacher, and that's a fantastic job for a homeschooling mom because you can do it 1 hour/week or 50 hours/week (like I did before kids!). Music or art therapy or some other kind of counseling work would be great too. I just had an art therapist friend visit, and she freelances and works primarily with holocaust survivors, stroke victims, and hospital patients. She loves it!

 

Other options: special ed, educational therapy, becoming a tutor in a specialized subject (private tutor or group classes; if she changes her mind about teaching), or a humanities version of The Happy Scientist (!?), lots of other possibilities in informal education if that appeals more to her than formal teaching.

 

Anyway...... so many options out there, especially for a determined, creative individual. It's a fun challenge to think about the possibilities.

[EmilyK]

I think there might just be different family backgrounds at work here. In my family, going back a couple of generations, girls were raised with the thought that they might not get married or have children, so they should find something they reasonably enjoy so that they can be self-supporting. And of course, even if a woman is married and has children, she might end up being the breadwinner, as is discussed here.

 

I guess what I am trying to say is in my family and friends, you might not meet someone you want to marry ever, or not for a while. Why not control what you can -- your own education and career -- and if and when the right guy comes along, then you can adjust what you are doing, if you are able to have kids, and want to be home with them. But I take it that isn't the thinking in all/most families?

 

I also wanted to say I agree with the idea of pursuing higher ed if it appeals. My lawyer friends have a lot of options. I wouldn't rule things like that out.

[I.Dup.]

I don't think there is anything wrong with the OP wanting to give her daughters wise counsel. :) I think that is more important than ever because of the variety of choices we have, and the repercussions of those choices (insane student loans, majors that may or may not translate into actual paying jobs, etc). Whether or not our children heed our counsel is their own decision.

[Danestress]

is to talk to a lot of people who are fully employed about what they studied in college and how their careers evolved. I think it's common to believe that people who work for liberal arts majors are qualified to teach and not much else. But I received a liberal arts education and most of my college friends did too (I didn't have a lot of science geek friends - a few - but met more kids within my own liberal artsy major).

 

Most of them are employed well - those who aren't home with kids. I'm thinking off the top of my head of individuals I know in banking, television production, publicity for a major hospital, several who went on to law school, a couple of business owners, a stock broker, head of a major nonprofit, an admissions director at a private school .... these people all make enough to live on and in some cases, enough for a number of families to live off of.

 

Not that I question in any way your desire to help your daughter be practical and realistic about what she chooses to study. But I wouldn't write off a history or English degree if she's really set on that. I'd be nervous though:)

[kroe1]

My DH and I were adamant about our son not choosing medical school because all of the changes in the past 20 years in the profession were alarming to us. All that good advice only made him hide the fact that he was choosing that career path. :lol:

 

So perhaps advising kiddos not to do a certain career is the sure fire way to get them to choose it. :001_huh:

 

I would like to start helping my DD12 explore career opportunities. I sure do not want her to make a career out of her passion for theater. I see that as a ticket to poverty. So can you tell me exactly how you plan to teach your DD about career choices for her?

[marbel]

I sure do not want her to make a career out of her passion for theater. I see that as a ticket to poverty. So can you tell me exactly how you plan to teach your DD about career choices for her?

 

Ahh.... ;) One of my nephews majored in drama. He traveled a bit with a an acting troupe, did some things in public schools (not sure what, but he was employed and "doing drama"), generally had a great time. Then he went into advertising which is not quite the same, but very creative work. This gives him time to pursue his latest dream, making music.

 

Granted, he is not married and not raising a family, so he is free to dabble. But the advertising is a steady, very good income that would support a family if he gave up his passion for cool cars. ;)

 

ETA: There are a lot of factors that go into employability, in any field, aren't there?

Edited July 13, 2012 by marbel

[justLisa]

I just hope my kids end up doing something they enjoy to some degree. If you are the breadwinner of the house, you will spend a lot of time working. I could not do something I didn't like no matter how much money I made.