So disheartened today...

[Dustybug]

I'm experiencing such a range of emotions right now. My mother has had some various health problems over the last few years but never went to the doctor until recently because of finances and a few other circumstances. Today she was told that she probably has COPD and might be tested/biopsied for lung cancer next week. She has been a serious chain smoker for as long as I remember. I've always worried about developing emphysema or cancer even though I've never even tried a cigarette because she always smoked in the house, so I spent my entire life until I was 20 inhaling secondhand smoke in massive levels.

 

I'm both deeply saddened at her future and what is going to happen and frustrated because it seems almost self induced. Does that sound callous? I don't mean it to be. It's just that she is my only parent. My biological father has never been a part of my life and is deceased and my stepfather didn't come along until I was 18 and we do not have a relationship because of substance abuse issues. He is currently not living at home with my mom and even though my brother is there, she is basically alone because he isn't much help. He has too many of his own issues that he isn't concerned with anyone else's. It's my MOM. And I don't know how/what to feel or do! I'm not ready to lose her. :(

 

I'm six hours away and we don't have the financial means to travel up there very often, so I worry about how I'm going to make sure I am available to help or be there if things go terribly south. We've offered for her to come live with us, but she refuses.

 

She is also getting ready to lose her health insurance because my stepfather stopped going to work, so it won't be paid for. My mom hasn't worked in years. She applied for medicaid and didn't qualify. They told her that she wouldn't be eligible to receive it unless she was actually diagnosed with cancer.

 

*sigh*

 

I just feel....sad.

[Dana]

:grouphug:

[Momof3littles]

:grouphug:

[Dory]

:grouphug:

[LinRTX]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Country Mouse]

:grouphug:

[Impish]

:grouphug:

[QueenCat]

:grouphug:It's so hard to see a parent struggle.

[besroma]

:grouphug:

[Cassy]

:grouphug: There are so many uncertainties there, aren't there? Uncertainties are always so hard to deal with. It's so much easier to deal with worrying situations when you can decide on a plan and just throw yourself into it. It must be horribly frustrating for you in so many ways. Is there any way you organise for a trip to see her at some point in the future, or for her to visit you? Can you discuss the situation with your brother?

 

I'm sure you have enough on your hands without having to take on the problems of someone who's done nothing to help themselves, but it seems to be weighing on your mind quite a bit. Have you talked to your DH about it? Sometimes just talking it through with someone close can help clear your thoughts.

 

I'll be thinking of you.

 

:grouphug:

[Tammyla]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[ccm]

:grouphug: My father-in-law has lung cancer and has been given up to a year to live. My sister-in-law got him covered under hospice care. A nurse comes in once a week and my sil and I are his daily "nurses", draining the fluid from his lung each day (not as bad as it sounds). He is 92 years old and still gets out on the lake each day for a vigorous row in his boat. (The man is amazing!) If the news with your mother is bad, check out hospice services. They are a tremendous help.

 

My own parents, who live in Florida, have been in and out of the hospital and I get on an airplane and fly down when needed. I have talked to my parents about moving up here with us but to no avail. It is draining emotionally, physically, and financially. The best advice I can give you is to take care of yourself because it can wear you down. :grouphug:

Edited June 29, 2012 by ccm

[indigomama]

I am so sorry! I know it's easier said than done, but don't jump ahead. There is no diagnosis yet, so just concentrate on the here and now.

 

Lovingly remind your mom to follow up on her appointments. And move forward as you know more.

 

Praying you'll take care of yourself and immediate family so that you'll be healthy and available to listen when your mom needs support.:grouphug:

[mumto2]

:grouphug:

[*Lulu*]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Dustybug]

:grouphug: There are so many uncertainties there, aren't there? Uncertainties are always so hard to deal with. It's so much easier to deal with worrying situations when you can decide on a plan and just throw yourself into it. It must be horribly frustrating for you in so many ways. Is there any way you organise for a trip to see her at some point in the future, or for her to visit you? Can you discuss the situation with your brother?

 

I'm sure you have enough on your hands without having to take on the problems of someone who's done nothing to help themselves, but it seems to be weighing on your mind quite a bit. Have you talked to your DH about it? Sometimes just talking it through with someone close can help clear your thoughts.

 

I'll be thinking of you.

 

:grouphug:

 

I just found out today about the COPD. My mom has been in and out of doctor's offices for the last two weeks trying to find out what the problem was with her.

 

I talked to my DH today and he helped calm me some. I guess it just hit me really hard that I could lose my one and only parent. It's there in your mind abstractly, but when it becomes closer to reality...it just took the wind out of me.

 

My brother is only 19. He has a nearly 3 year old son from his hs gf and has a newborn child who he doesn't even know where he is because his wife (who he married after knowing her 2 weeks) has run off with him. They haven't spoken to each other since the fall and there is all sorts of drama. I love my brother, but he is really irresponsible and entitled. My mom was even paying his child support for his oldest until the last month or so. I haven't talked to him yet, because I'm really emotional and I don't know if I have the stamina for his self centeredness right now. He makes everything about him. *sigh*

 

:grouphug: My father-in-law has lung cancer and has been given up to a year to live. My sister-in-law got him covered under hospice care. A nurse comes in once a week and my sil and I are his daily "nurses", draining the fluid from his lung each day (not as bad as it sounds). He is 92 years old and still gets out on the lake each day for a vigorous row in his boat. (The man is amazing!) If the news with your mother is bad, check out hospice services. They are a tremendous help.

 

My own parents, who live in Florida, have been in and out of the hospital and I get on an airplane and fly down when needed. I have talked to my parents about moving up here with us but to no avail. It is draining emotionally, physically, and financially. The best advice I can give you is to take care of yourself because it can wear you down. :grouphug:

 

Thanks for the advice about hospice.

 

The problem is that we live paycheck to paycheck right now and we don't have credit cards. There is no possible way to just jump on an airplane. It takes us well over a year to save up enough money to drive up there and stay for a week (which we've only done twice since my oldest was born). I worry about this a ton. DH's parent's could loan us money, but my MIL would probably raise a huge stink over it (she's a character to put it mildly) and try to hinder us from going. She doesn't really like to actually acknowledge that there is a side to our family besides hers. :(

 

 

I know I'm getting ahead of myself. It's the nature of my personality. I worry too much. I'm just going to hit my knees hard and lean on God because at least for now, I don't know what else to do.

[tex-mex]

What about the state high risk insurance pool? It is meant for those with pre-existing conditions who have gone without insurance for 6 months. And for those who make too much to qualify for Medicaid. She will need to pay the monthly premiums.

[Dustybug]

What about the state high risk insurance pool? It is meant for those with pre-existing conditions who have gone without insurance for 6 months. And for those who make too much to qualify for Medicaid. She will need to pay the monthly premiums.

 

I've never heard of that, but I'll keep it in mind. Her insurance won't lapse until the end of this month though. She doesn't have a job, so I don't know about paying any premiums. She doesn't make too much to qualify for Medicaid. She was told that because of her age, she'd didn't qualify unless she was already diagnosed. She lives in VA.

[Melissa in Australia]

:grouphug:

[twinmami01]

:grouphug:

[Celia]

:grouphug:

[tomandlorih]

:grouphug: So sorry! It's tough to be far away and not able to help. BTDT Prayers for you and your mom!

[Lizzie in Ma]

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Georgiana Daniels]

:grouphug:

 

Pre-worrying is exhausting, but I know how that goes. You have enough to deal with today, so try to go easy on yourself. No advice, but please keep us posted.