Oh, Please Don't! (s/o gift thread)

[Impish]

I love Wolf. Honest.

 

But the man isn't quite...well...gifted at the whole gift giving thing.

 

Give you an example of what I mean.

 

For my 30th birthday, he bought me peridot earrings. He said, "I remembered that you either really loved or really hated your birthstone, so I gambled on loved."

 

Uh, no. Loathe my birthstone. It looks like snot. Or infection. It's just nasty.

 

He's talked about buying me a 'family' ring. I've BEGGED him not to. I've honestly never seen one that I didn't think was ugly, and honestly, btwn my snot/infection coloured birthstone, and 2 kids being born in Nov (topaz, orange hued) I really, REALLY don't want one. I can't begin to describe the revulsion I have towards getting one. Not to mention, I can only wear jewelery on my left hand, thanks to RSD.

 

While I understand his thinking, something that represents the kids, I really need to steer him away from this idea. I'm thinking of suggesting a necklace w/5 diamonds on it or something instead :lol:

 

I feel really horrid when he gives me a gift, all excited, and then I have to cover up my real reaction to it. "Oh, how lovely!" as opposed to "WTH is this?!"

 

He's been banned from stepping in to the 'As Seen On TV' store when gift shopping ever again. :glare::lol:

[ktgrok]

LOL, love the "well, I knew you loved it or hated it." My husband, when I was pregnant and craving a burger, brought me home a McDonalds burger (i hate mcdonalds), with nothing but ketchup on it. I HATE ketchup. HATE HATE HATE it. He said, "Well, see...I knew you had strong feelings about it one way or the other...loved hated....I knew there was an opinion there. " Like that should get him bonus points. ugh.

[*********]

I'm with you on not liking my birthstone; I'm a Nov. baby. Blech.

 

How about steering him toward a necklace? Etsy has some adorable ones I've been loving; handstamped with either names or initials.

 

Here's an example. And another one.

 

Back before I had my boys, I was laid off from my 'real' job, so I was waitressing for a while. Dh really, REALLY wanted to get me one of those foot bath thingys that were so popular. It really was a sweet *idea*, because I was on my feet a lot. BUT, he asked me if I wanted one, and I said no, because they seemed like too big of a hassle.

 

He bought me one anyway. Guess what. It was too much of a hassle. :tongue_smilie:

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

:lol::lol:

 

I feel ya! Either my sisters tell him exactly what to get me and where to get it, or my dh just gives me jewelry that his best friend has purchased at some dead old lady's estate sale. Thanks, honey.

[swellmomma]

Hey at least he is trying.

 

When we were married my ex got me 2 gifts out of all the time we were togther, 1 was a lovely little jewelry box that came free with the engagement ring he bought. He gave me that box for xmas. That was it.

 

the next year he waited until xmas eve to shop and did so at the grocery store. For xmas that year I got a giant pine scented candle, a giant candy cane and my dish cloths.

 

That was it. No birthday gifts, no just because gifts, no you just gave birth to my child gifts. Just a free jewelry box and a giant stinky candle and candy cane. Did I forget to mention I hate candy canes and that pine candle smelled more like pine sol than a pine tree.

[jsh626]

Oh, how I feel the pain. My husband buys atrocious gifts for me - if he remembers to buy them at all. :glare:

 

Some of the standouts: a travel chess set (I don't know how to play chess, nor do I travel), a tennis ball set so I can play tennis BY MYSELF (I don't play tennis), a Kindle (after I specifically said "I. Don't. Want. An. E-reader."), and all kinds of other "gadgets" that mysteriously end up being more useful to him than me.

 

And I can't tell you the number of times I've found him on the computer the morning of (Christmas, birthday, anniversary, etc) hastily printing out "Happy Birthday - IOU 1 back massage!".... I think I'm due like 30 trips to the spa at this point.

 

Sigh.

[Impish]

He puts thought into it, I can't say he's thoughtless.

 

He bought me an insert to put into the tub, to turn any tub into a jacquizzi. Lovely thought. However. It's a major hassle to use, and is so stinking loud that it bounces off the walls of the bathroom, magnifies, and you end up w/a headache long before you'd normally climb out of the tub.

 

Then, there was the Snuggie. Again, thought was great. RSD, I'm really sensitive to cold, and his thinking was it wouldn't hamper my mobility the way a reg blanket would. But, the Snuggie is thin, and really not any good for keeping warm...not to mention that the 'sleeves' on it go to about my knees.

 

I don't like the idea of giving him a grocery list of gifts to give, but at the same time, leaving him to his own devices isn't working.

 

And the funny thing is, I manage to get him something every yr that blindsides him and he's left gaping and asking how I knew to get it...Cause I listen, Dude ;) I keep a mental list of things he's mentioned all yr long. His brain just doesn't work that way, LOL

[happypamama]

LOL, see, now I would really like one of those family rings, preferably with DH's and my birthstones on either end (an emerald and a diamond), and I've hinted to my DH about this many times. I don't really expect one, though, partly because I'm still holding out for one more baby, and partly because of the expense.

 

I vote for having a little chat with your husband. I'm personally not at all gifted in the gift ideas department; I need a specific list and will ask DH for one. If you have things you do like/want, I'd start telling him a while before your birthday, etc. DH and I send each other email links -- "if you need a gift idea for me" sorts of things.

[Impish]

See, I've said things like, "You know...dvds of The Big Bang Theory would make an AWESOME gift..." but it doesn't get through.

 

I've told Wolf that the Bordeaux puppy could count as my birthday gift this yr. Yes, I've done all the legwork for it, making all the arrangements, etc, but I'm fine w/it being my birthday gift :D

 

I'm kinda nervous though...Our 10th wedding anniversary is next yr. I told Wolf when we got engaged that I *didn't* want an engagement ring, that he could buy me one for our 10th anniversary. I think I need to drag that boy out shopping and make preferences really well known...or heaven only knows what he'll get me :001_huh: Probably a family ring :glare:

[nukeswife]

I had to put the Kibosh on a family ring/necklace too. My dd like a couple of your kids is a Nov baby, so the ugly orange/yellow topaz for her is not something any of us like.

My other kids are born in May (emerald) and July (ruby) thus making anything with the kids only look like and upside down traffic light. LOL

 

My dh had a gift epiphany when on deployment in the middle east a few years ago and got me a necklace made of 3 things that look like cartouches all put together. Each side has one of my kids names on it. This I really like because it's not something you see every day where we live and it's actually quite pretty.

[Onceuponatime]

If I want something for Christmas, I make a list with detailed descriptions, locations to purchase, and prices. Even then something can go wrong.

 

One year I told dh I just wanted my bike repaired (dd had mangled one of the wheels). Simple? no. He decided to buy me a brand new bike. I hate it, I won't ride it. It is an old lady bike. I loved my old bike, it was perfect for me. That was 10 years ago. He still doesn't realize. Maybe it's time I told him because I would really like a bike that I can ride. This time I will pick it out myself, then thank him for providing the funds. :-)

[LibraryLover]

I recently spent quite a bit of time looking at those, and ones similar. I like all of them. A gift-getting situation is coming up, but I was overwhlemed with indecision. ;)

 

 

How about steering him toward a necklace? Etsy has some adorable ones I've been loving; handstamped with either names or initials.

 

Here's an example. And another one.

[ktgrok]

Hey at least he is trying.

 

When we were married my ex got me 2 gifts out of all the time we were togther, 1 was a lovely little jewelry box that came free with the engagement ring he bought. He gave me that box for xmas. That was it.

 

the next year he waited until xmas eve to shop and did so at the grocery store. For xmas that year I got a giant pine scented candle, a giant candy cane and my dish cloths.

 

That was it. No birthday gifts, no just because gifts, no you just gave birth to my child gifts. Just a free jewelry box and a giant stinky candle and candy cane. Did I forget to mention I hate candy canes and that pine candle smelled more like pine sol than a pine tree.

 

LOL, thaqt reminds me of the year my ex forgot that he was supposed to fill my christmas stocking until 11pm on Christmas Eve. Everything in it came from the gas station, lol.

 

But the best, best, BEST was the year he gave me, a week before our wedding, my valentine's day gift. It was the free t-shirt a stripper had given him at his bachelor party the night before. Do NOT ask my why I went through with that marriage. REally, if that wasn't a sign I don't know what is! (then he proceeded to say he was too hung over to get out of bed, so I, at almost 5 months pregnant, did most of the moving, as we were moving into our apartment that day.)

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Oh, how I feel the pain. My husband buys atrocious gifts for me - if he remembers to buy them at all. :glare:

 

Some of the standouts: a travel chess set (I don't know how to play chess, nor do I travel), a tennis ball set so I can play tennis BY MYSELF (I don't play tennis), a Kindle (after I specifically said "I. Don't. Want. An. E-reader."), and all kinds of other "gadgets" that mysteriously end up being more useful to him than me.

 

And I can't tell you the number of times I've found him on the computer the morning of (Christmas, birthday, anniversary, etc) hastily printing out "Happy Birthday - IOU 1 back massage!".... I think I'm due like 30 trips to the spa at this point.

 

Sigh.

 

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

 

How about steering him toward a necklace? Etsy has some adorable ones I've been loving; handstamped with either names or initials.

 

Here's an example. And another one.

 

 

Those are really cute!

[eloquacious]

I totally understand where you're coming from, but with us it was either hit or miss. Totally awesome or... ahem, not. And the one time that I did comment on the "not" was the last time he ever bought me jewelry. Now I get iTunes gift cards. Meh. Makes me wish I'd kept my big fat trap shut.

[FaithManor]

My father-in-law was awful. He'd wait until late the night before and then run to the 24 hr. pharmacy, and buy shampoo, conditioner, hairspray, nail polish

(she Never polishes her nails) and nail polish remover. He'd get a package of white tissue paper, crumple it up, and place it on top of the products inside the plastic shopping bag. Every Christmas. Every birthday.

 

She supplied my sister-in-law and two grandaughters with lots of nail polish and remover over the years. :lol:

 

Of course, she wasn't THAT much better. She used these times as excuses to buy him clothing that she liked and he hated (he was not a snappy dresser by any stretch of the imagination...lots of western shirts with pearl snaps and cut-off shorts when not at work). Neither of them enjoyed the gift giving tradition.

 

Faith

[Amber in SJ]

I feel your pain. My Dh thinks he is great at gift giving when actually he stinks. It is crazy. A several years ago he bought me a hand mirror for Christmas. A heavy, silver, old fashioned hand mirror. What does one do with such a thing? Put it on display on my dresser top? My dresser is so covered in books it can not be seen. It is useless, and expensive. Then he got me a free-standing jewelry armoire. It is beautiful wood and looks great in our bedroom, however..... I don't wear much jewelry. I don't even have pierced ears. It stands there empty. Luckily there is a drawer for that mirror.

 

Now we have a better system down. For example, yesterday we were talking on IM and I said; "This is what I want for our anniversary." and I sent him a link to a place that sells jewelry made from vintage maps. He asked me what city I wanted, I said the place we honeymooned, he asked me about finish & chain length. I told him. I pointed out that it takes two weeks to ship. I have an armoire to fill!

 

I enlist the kids, too and when it starts getting close I print out lists for them to give to dh. I give the kids hints when they are going on errands with him like, "Are you going to Home Depot with Daddy? Can you tell him I would love to have the window box filled with new flowers?" My 9-yo dd is great at this.

 

Yes, sometimes I feel like he should be able to pick out the perfect gift because we have been together since I was 16, but it is just not in his nature and trying to change him only makes me sad & frustrated.

 

Amber in SJ

[Denise in Florida]

I feel your pain. My Dh thinks he is great at gift giving when actually he stinks. It is crazy. A several years ago he bought me a hand mirror for Christmas. A heavy, silver, old fashioned hand mirror. What does one do with such a thing? Put it on display on my dresser top? My dresser is so covered in books it can not be seen. It is useless, and expensive. Then he got me a free-standing jewelry armoire. It is beautiful wood and looks great in our bedroom, however..... I don't wear much jewelry. I don't even have pierced ears. It stands there empty. Luckily there is a drawer for that mirror.

 

Now we have a better system down. For example, yesterday we were talking on IM and I said; "This is what I want for our anniversary." and I sent him a link to a place that sells jewelry made from vintage maps. He asked me what city I wanted, I said the place we honeymooned, he asked me about finish & chain length. I told him. I pointed out that it takes two weeks to ship. I have an armoire to fill!

 

I enlist the kids, too and when it starts getting close I print out lists for them to give to dh. I give the kids hints when they are going on errands with him like, "Are you going to Home Depot with Daddy? Can you tell him I would love to have the window box filled with new flowers?" My 9-yo dd is great at this.

 

Yes, sometimes I feel like he should be able to pick out the perfect gift because we have been together since I was 16, but it is just not in his nature and trying to change him only makes me sad & frustrated.

 

Amber in SJ

 

This is a greatest truth in marriage.

 

DH and I have been married 34 years. We had to establish a lot of communication about what we needed from each other. :001_smile: But the truth is I am not going to automatically know when he needs more physical comfort (sitting together touching, not just TeA), he needs to tell me. He is not going to know that I do not like perfume (10 unused bottles in a drawer is not enough :lol:), I need to tell him. We still don't always get it right but we keep trying. :001_smile:

[Liz CA]

:lol: Men with the best of intentions but poor memories need some help. Uuuh and aaah over a necklace in a jeweler's window. Make specific remarks of how you like this or that stone. Repeat the name several times, perhaps even the name of the jeweler who carries it.

If you are really afraid something will go wrong, send him to a certain jeweler and call ahead and say when dh arrives, sell him...and nothing else. :D

[bluemongoose]

Our local jeweler actually has wish lists for wives to specify things they like in the store. Then all the wife has to do is steer her husband to that store and mention that the jeweler knows what you like. My mom has done this several times for my dad.

 

My DH hates doing the gift thing on specific gift giving times but he is super generous and gets things that I ask for at different times of the year. This works great for both of us as I do not get a token random gift just because it is Christmas or my Birthday, instead I end up with what I really want later. The only people who take issue with this are my extended family. They do not see his generous nature because all they can see is that I do not have a bday gift to open from my DH. I just mention the last gift he gave me and say it was an early gift for that occasion.

[pitterpatter]

Pandora bracelet.

[Mom-ninja.]

My dh doesn't usually get me things at all.

 

A typical gift giving occasion will pass and he'll say a few days later, "Oh, I missed it?"

 

SO when he got me the ice cream maker, which has been great, it was an exception to the norm.

[PIE!]

We're the opposite of all of you. DH is GREAT at picking out the prefect gift. There have been one or two where I went :blink:, but mostly his gifts make me go :w00t:

 

I, on the other hand, lack the gift-giving sense. It seems that once every few years I'll come up with something truly thoughtful. But most of the time I'm stumped. My fall back is to send him to the tool store and tell him to pick out something. (He's picky about tools, and I don't want to mess up and get him the wrong one).

 

He even gives hints (that I've finally started to pick up on), but I forget them before I have a chance to write them down.:glare:

 

Happy to say - for Father's Day this year, I actually got him something I know he'll love!

[WishboneDawn]

 

He's talked about buying me a 'family' ring. I've BEGGED him not to. I've honestly never seen one that I didn't think was ugly, and honestly, btwn my snot/infection coloured birthstone, and 2 kids being born in Nov (topaz, orange hued) I really, REALLY don't want one. I can't begin to describe the revulsion I have towards getting one. Not to mention, I can only wear jewelery on my left hand, thanks to RSD.

 

I've only ever seen those in Sears catalogues and I've always that they looked awful. It may be that Sears uses cheap stones - they always look like chips of Halls cough drops to me.

[Impish]

I've only ever seen those in Sears catalogues and I've always that they looked awful. It may be that Sears uses cheap stones - they always look like chips of Halls cough drops to me.

I've seen them in jewelery stores...and yeah, that's what they look like! :lol:

[justLisa]

Oh the family rings LOL!!

 

EVERY gift giving occasion, I get a piece of paper wrapped in a box because he waits until the last minute to order it :lol:. It's a print out with a picture of said item.

 

He's such a wonderful man. But he procrastinates in every area.

[Dealea86]

Two words: Amazon wishlist :D

 

DH is very sweet and remembers special occasions, and he likes to pick up gifts for me when I've had a rough day or sometimes just because, but unless I'm very specific, he often comes home with the wrong thing (ie he knows I love chocolate, but he gets a kind I don't really like).

 

But for birthdays and Christmas, he pretty much either gives me an amazon gift card, buys me something off my wishlist, or he just tells me to buy something for myself that I like. It's not especially romantic, but at least I end up getting exactly what I want. And really, how can I complain about something like that? :)

[Devan]

My dh is a clueless gift giver! The best thing I've done was set up an Amazon wish list. It doesn't have to be stuff from Amazon, you can add stuff from anywhere on the web, or just write in ideas. That way, he has several ideas and many things to choose from and you get something you like. :001_smile:

[Devan]

Two words: Amazon wishlist :D

 

 

Oops, haha! I see we had the same idea. :iagree:

[applethyme]

:iagree:

[MamaT]

I have bought my own gift for the last 20 years or so. It took me 10 years to come to this solution, but it works for us.