Plucky Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 I was really surprised yesterday. One of my cousin's sent my ds $50. He does not make a lot of money. I never even told ds that he might get money as I have a lot of poor relatives, so ds was pleasantly surprised. The only expectation I have of my relatives is a card, an email, or a hug. I just want them to join us in being happy about his graduation & uni attendance in the fall. I would send money to any kids that sent me an announcement from the relatives I sent cards to as they are close to close extended family. I do hope that my relatives don't think we are expecting them to send money. How do you get around that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 No! In fact, I posted about this back in the fall before I graduated. I wanted to send invitations, but explicitly state that I did not want "presents", I wanted "presence". I really wanted to say "thanks" to all the in person people who where there for me during the previous 3 years. Posters here mostly said they expect to send money to high school and possibly college graduates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted May 15, 2012 Author Share Posted May 15, 2012 Ok, thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 (edited) I feel the same way (no, I'm not even thinking money when I send things like that). I just want people to COME if they can, and enjoy the celebration with us. But when I read threads here where people make a comment from the other side of the envelope ("Ugh, I just got a graduation announcement so now feel like I have to send a gift --"), it seems that a lot of people think that's what the senders are thinking when the invite/announcement goes out. Our oldest is having a graduation celebration in June. I'm going to send announcements all the same, trusting my intentions, and let the opinions fall where they may, I guess. ETA - Okay, after thinking about this, I think I need to change the word "announcement" above to "invitation" in all cases. We're not just announcing that he's graduating (and I could see where sending just an announcement that he's graduating to any/all we can think of might be seen as a request for money). We're sending an invitation to a party -- we would love for people to come celebrate with us, but we're not inviting them with a gift that he might receive in mind at all. Sure, he might receive some, but that's natural and okay. But the point of the day -- gifts or none -- is to honor his accomplishments with people he loves and who love him. Edited May 15, 2012 by milovaný Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riverland Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 When dd was graduating, the prevalent sentiment of her classmates was to send as many announcements as possible to get the most money possible. We decided not to send any. The important people in her life already knew she was graduating. If they wanted to send something, they could, but we didn't want others to feel obligated to give her a gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 Until this message board I had never heard of sending out notices of graduation. I have never send one, had a friend send one, or have gotten one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milovany Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 . The important people in her life already knew she was graduating. If they wanted to send something, they could, but we didn't want others to feel obligated to give her a gift. I kept using the word "announcement" above, but it's really an invitation. We're having a party to celebrate. So we send out invites to a bunch of people because we would love to have them celebrate with us. In sending these, I'm not thinking about money. Just wanted to clarify. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tenaj Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 I was just wondering about this today because we're planning an open house in June for my two graduates. I feel like I'm limiting the party just because I don't want people to think we are just inviting them for a gift. I'm having a hard time figuring out where the line is . . . of course, all the family is invited, and we're inviting our church family (small church) with a blanket announcement in the bulletin, but then it gets sticky. My son just started a summer job and his boss and several sub-bosses (is that a term?) are coworkers of my husband so we're trying to figure out if it's appropriate to invite them . . . want them to come but don't want them to feel obliged to offer a gift. Grrr . . . it's taking me more time on these kinds of issues than to plan the whole party! Are there any hard and fast rules of etiquette? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 I send announcements to those I know won't come to a party, because of distance, mostly. I want to share the good news of my kid's accomplishment. If they choose to send $ or a card or somehow otherwise acknowledge the accomplishment, great. Where I'm from and ime, often people DO respond with $ and a card. But I don't send it with the expectation of receiving $. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 I send announcements to those I know won't come to a party, because of distance, mostly. I want to share the good news of my kid's accomplishment. If they choose to send $ or a card or somehow otherwise acknowledge the accomplishment, great. Where I'm from and ime, often people DO respond with $ and a card. But I don't send it with the expectation of receiving $. :iagree: I'm not even sending a formal announcement out, just a photo card (probably along the lines of the typical holiday photo card). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChocolateReignRemix Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 We only send announcements to very close friends and family (grandparents/aunts/uncles only). We don't expect a gift, but based on how close the recipients are to us, one can reasonably conclude a gift is forthcoming. Generally we send a gift when we receive a graduation announcement. DH knows a lot of boys from various sports programs between the ages of our sons, and he often lets their families know that he would like an announcement, otherwise I don't believe they would send us one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 We don't send out invitations with the expectation of money, but I know that this is a big tradition in certain areas. Even in our own town, it is a tradition to an extent. I had never heard of open houses or big celebrations for graduations until I moved to our town. It is a small town and a fairly close community. Every year the graduates have open houses throughout graduation weekend. Invitations are sent, but really, the whole community is invited. These are very "open" open houses. Usually people will have quite simple lay-outs -- some finger foods, balloons, etc. A few people go all out. Everyone has a basket out though, and it is customary for people to put cards in the baskets, often with $5, $10, or even $20 in it. So, if invitations are sent to people who live in communities such as this, I can see where they'd feel it customary to send a little money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 If one receives an announcement (wedding, graduation, baby and generally after the fact) one isn't "required" by etiquette to send a gift. So if one doesn't want a gift one sends announcements. If one receives an invitation (wedding, graduation, bar mitzvah) it is customary to send a gift. If one wants to send an invitation but does not want a gift it is becoming acceptable to note such on the invitation. But generally one isn't to tell others how to spend their money. Either by specifying a gift or specifying no gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pitterpatter Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 When I receive a graduation announcement, I do see it as an invitation to send money to the new grad to help start his or her adult life. Most new grads leave home or go to college after graduation. (It's not much different than lucky red envelopes filled with money during Chinese New Year.) It's tradition. I think most new grads hope to receive many "gifts". Dare I say that many even rely on them to pay for essentials for college. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie Smith Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 Are these for graduation from highschool? college? university? I admit I have only heard of these on this message board. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 In our neck of the woods, money is expected. The amounts seem to be; $20.00 to the graduate of people from the office that we don't know $20.00 to graduates we kind of know $50.00 - $100.00 to a closer kid, like a nephew $100. + from grandparents We get so many graduation announcments from graduates we have never laid eyes on:001_huh:. I have to try to line the last names up to the parents, but many times they aren't the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 We decided not to send any. The important people in her life already knew she was graduating. If they wanted to send something, they could, but we didn't want others to feel obligated to give her a gift. This is our plan. My mom had me send graduation announcements to everyone she could think of because it meant $ for me. It was so humiliating! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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