Neighborhoods, Personalities, and anti-social vs. introverted behavior....

[battlemaiden]

I briefly scanned the neighborhood-type post and it has me thinking. I have been trying to stay open minded about my new neighbors. Actually, we are both new, within four or five days. They live across the street. Our housing area has wonderful sidewalks and front porchs that most people actually use. The neighborhood is very new and there are lots of empty homes, but the ones that are occupied are full of friendly, talkative people that stop and talk, while our kids all romp together up and down the street. It is wonderful.

 

Then there is the neighbor across the street. They had moving vans there then the garage door went down and I haven't seen anybody except the dh when he puts the empty cardboard out on the front porch- of course the boxes are all neatly broken down and put in piles according to box size. This makes me more annoyed than suspicious because my broken down boxes are in a jumbled mess on the front porch ;).

 

Today I saw a child come out of their house and I was shocked! They have a daughter perhaps 10 yo. My dc are outside almost all day long making noise and making friends. Then another child emerged! A boy! I am seriously blown away. And I'm wondering. Is this just my personality? My kids are like caged animals if they stay inside the house for three hours put together. I can't imagine keeping my children unnoticed for over a week. And now I wonder if they are avoiding us. These kids didn't even look at mine. They got on bikes and rode off. But they may be just shy.

 

Would you think that was unusual? I am an extrovert and obviously I am outside because of the ages of my kids more than others. Help me to not jump to conclusions.

 

Jo

[Jennifer in MI]

That could be really odd . . . or, maybe, the kids were at grandma's and grandpa's while the parents (or just one of the parents) did all the moving in?

 

I'm not an extrovert, so I'd probably send dh over there with a plate of cookies and welcome them to the neighborhood. Then, you can get a better sense of who they are.

[battlemaiden]

That could be really odd . . . or, maybe, the kids were at grandma's and grandpa's while the parents (or just one of the parents) did all the moving in?

 

I'm not an extrovert, so I'd probably send dh over there with a plate of cookies and welcome them to the neighborhood. Then, you can get a better sense of who they are.

 

Hmmm. I hadn't thought of that about the kids. But both dh and wife have definitely been there.

 

I almost brought over some fresh banana bread, but their behavior (even before the child reveal) has seemed so obviously reserved, I couldn't bring myself to go.

 

Military housing can be quite a fish bowl experience. I can understand needing to set boundaries, but they have gone out of their way to stay away from the neighbors, kwim?

[Kim in Appalachia]

:)

 

I am quite introverted, and it takes me awhile to go and meet people. My kids tend to stay inside or play in their high fenced yard.

 

I'm sure my neighbors thinks we are isolationists, but really I'm not good at initiating anything.

 

We have lots of friends but none are our neighbors. They are people we meet in a more "closed" environment, like church, swimming, or my dh's work.

 

If that was me next door to you, I would be thrilled if you came over and introduced yourself. I may not look it, I tend to act quite shy at first, but really I would like it if you came.

 

Maybe your neighbor is like me. Or maybe they just don't like other people. :tongue_smilie:

[battlemaiden]

:)

 

I am quite introverted, and it takes me awhile to go and meet people. My kids tend to stay inside or play in their high fenced yard.

 

I'm sure my neighbors thinks we are isolationists, but really I'm not good at initiating anything.

 

We have lots of friends but none are our neighbors. They are people we meet in a more "closed" environment, like church, swimming, or my dh's work.

 

If that was me next door to you, I would be thrilled if you came over and introduced yourself. I may not look it, I tend to act quite shy at first, but really I would like it if you came.

 

Maybe your neighbor is like me. Or maybe they just don't like other people. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

This is exactly what I needed to "hear."

 

I know *you* are out there, but I have a hard time understanding. Thanks for the encouragement.

 

Jo

[Mrs Mungo]

When we first move in someplace we're just so busy unpacking! Our neighborhood has a rule that the kids can't be outside without an adult unless they are over 12. Plus, until I know the neighborhood they aren't going out without me. It probably took me a week to get outside with the kids. Even once we got settled, we're often out in the afternoon on a break and then we have to get back to work.

 

I'm not an introvert, I'm definitely a people person. I don't have trouble initiating activities, either. However, I am fairly closed and reserved until I get to know people in a sort of controlled environment, if that makes sense.

 

bte-Did you see that the zoo is free this Saturday? We should PM. :)

[WTMCassandra]

I agree with the other posters not to jump to conclusions. If the mom is anything like me, she feels like a driven maniac until the boxes are GONE. And I too would not be letting my children go out unless I knew the neighborhood. I would want to get the house IN ORDER and then take a deep breath and look about me. ; ) So it would probably be worth going over and giving a good try to meet the family. After that, you will have more data to see if they are friendly or not.

[OnTheBrink]

Maybe they've been burned by previous neighbors.

 

When I was married, we lived in a nicer neighborhood. Immaculate yards, most of the kids went to either the Catholic private school or the Protestant one. Very few went to PS, none homeschooled, which made me a freak in the eyes of most people in the subdivision. Then there was the Nasty Neighbor to the North. OMGosh, she made Gladys Kravitz look positively angelic. Just meeting her caused me to erect the emotional walls. She set off red flags from the get-go. She'd trespass on my property then complain about my yard. She harassed my kids and my son's friends. She'd see dd outside and tell her to tell me things, none of them were nice. After EX left, I was having a really hard time keeping up with the yard work and she called the city on me. She'd yell at me from the middle of the street to take care of my "f-ing" yard. I called the HOA on her numerous times and all they could say was that she drinks a lot. I tried explain to her that our family was in crisis and having a difficult time and her response was "I don't give a sh*t about that; just keep your yard up! I'm having a party we don't want to see your unmowed lawn!" She was unbelievable.

 

So, when I moved to the neighborhood I'm in now, I made a point to just not meet people. I do know the woman next door; she's nice enough but I keep my distance. The old man across the street waves and his son (grandson?) is friendly and will wave. Beyond that, I know no one and have no desire to know anyone. It sounds awful, I know, but I really just want to be left alone and in peace. We've had so much turmoil in the past years, I just want some space.

 

SO, maybe your new neighbors had a Nasty Neighbor to the North previously and are gun-shy?

[iquilt]

I have to agree that some more time will tell you more. I would be the one unpacking every last box until my house sparkled before focusing on anything else. I wouldn't be able to function for long in a half-unpacked house. We've also been burned before in our neighborhood by someone who moved away years ago who didn't like my dh very much. Since I married him I tend to disagree with people who are rude to dh and don't call them friends so we avoided that family. Then one day she knocked on my door (middle of the day) to yell at me about something not intelligible. I was home alone with a new baby and scared to death in my own house, so that scarred me for quite awhile. Now we are the only homeschooling family in our neighborhood that we've met so we pretty much have the streets to ourselves all day during the school year. We probably appear very stand-offish to our neighbors, but they're not around much anyway so who cares? We have plenty of friends all over town.

[elegantlion]

:)

 

I am quite introverted, and it takes me awhile to go and meet people. My kids tend to stay inside or play in their high fenced yard.

 

I'm sure my neighbors thinks we are isolationists, but really I'm not good at initiating anything.

 

We have lots of friends but none are our neighbors. They are people we meet in a more "closed" environment, like church, swimming, or my dh's work.

 

If that was me next door to you, I would be thrilled if you came over and introduced yourself. I may not look it, I tend to act quite shy at first, but really I would like it if you came.

 

Maybe your neighbor is like me. Or maybe they just don't like other people. :tongue_smilie:

 

That is me as well. We were so busy the first month we moved, ds helped as well. I looked like a slob half the time so I wasn't about to go out meeting people.

 

It also didn't help that the second neighbor we met informed us that we had to cut down a certain tree (out of the literally hundreds in our yard) because it could fall on our house. He followed up our in person conversation with a certified letter and threat. Welcome to the neighborhood, not.

[Laurie4b]

There are cultural aspects to this as well. I grew up in a part of the country where it is *polite* to keep to yourself, more or less. Then in college, I moved to a part of the country where everyone talks to perfect strangers all the time. It drove me nuts when girls in my dorm would greet me like a long lost friend when we didn't know each other! I felt it was invasive and fake. Now, I've adjusted to the new culture, and ..ta-dah! talk to perfect strangers. I was visiting family in the area in which I grew up, and went to the grocery store and made a remark to someone waiting next to me in line. She didn't answer, and moved somewhat away. I just know I was getting sized up as to whether I belonged in a white jacket with no sleeves!

 

Even where we live now, I'd think nothing of what you just described. There is not a thing that sounds weird about it.

[Jean in Newcastle]

The kids could be addicted to t.v. and video games. . . they could be working hard to get their house in order. . . I vote for banana bread! But be prepared, I had one neighbor open his door dressed only in a Speedo! :eek:

[Ashleen]

There are cultural aspects to this as well. I grew up in a part of the country where it is *polite* to keep to yourself, more or less.

 

:iagree:Yes. When people are too friendly, it always puts me off to some extent. It just seems so...well...low class, to some extent. Reserved = good manners; overly friendly = doesn't understand they're violating propriety. That's just how I was raised. I have to work very hard to avoid making that judgment when I meet people.

 

Edited to add: remember the movie Nine Months? Hugh Grant was reserved; Tom Arnold was too friendly. And it was *supposed to* indicate that Tom Arnold was lower class compared to Hugh Grant.

[battlemaiden]

There are cultural aspects to this as well. I grew up in a part of the country where it is *polite* to keep to yourself, more or less. Then in college, I moved to a part of the country where everyone talks to perfect strangers all the time. It drove me nuts when girls in my dorm would greet me like a long lost friend when we didn't know each other! I felt it was invasive and fake. Now, I've adjusted to the new culture, and ..ta-dah! talk to perfect strangers. I was visiting family in the area in which I grew up, and went to the grocery store and made a remark to someone waiting next to me in line. She didn't answer, and moved somewhat away. I just know I was getting sized up as to whether I belonged in a white jacket with no sleeves!

 

Even where we live now, I'd think nothing of what you just described. There is not a thing that sounds weird about it.

 

This sounds like me when I moved from Hawaii to Minnesota. I had never lived in the midwest and wasn't given the memo that talking to the cashier while checking out warranted having a secret alarm pushed under the counter ;)- okay, not really, but they sure looked nervous.

[battlemaiden]

Are you all telling me that having a house half unpacked is...um...bad? ;)

 

Seriously though. What do you do with your children? Hang them on the line? Don't they go stir crazy and make your life H. E. double hockey sticks?

 

What am I doing wrong???????

 

It makes me nuts to have the house unfinished after nearly two weeks- but my dh is at sea, my pregnant back only has so many hours of work, and my 5yods asks every 15 minutes to go outside and ride his bike. They can only watch T.V. for so long.

[Ashleen]

I had never lived in the midwest and wasn't given the memo that talking to the cashier while checking out warranted having a secret alarm pushed under the counter

 

:lol::lol::lol::smilielol5:Yes.

[Snickerdoodle]

When we move this summer our new neighbors might not see us for two weeks or so because of the jet lag.

 

bleh...

[Karla in Oregon]

:iagree:Yes. When people are too friendly, it always puts me off to some extent. It just seems so...well...low class, to some extent. Reserved = good manners; overly friendly = doesn't understand they're violating propriety. That's just how I was raised. I have to work very hard to avoid making that judgment when I meet people.

 

Edited to add: remember the movie Nine Months? Hugh Grant was reserved; Tom Arnold was too friendly. And it was *supposed to* indicate that Tom Arnold was lower class compared to Hugh Grant.

 

Many homes are for sale in our neighborhood. I recently took cookies (with the kids) to my new next door neighbors and it really started the relationship off nicely. I've got a new neighbor moving in this week across the street and just learned a new family (possibly with a seven year old boy!) moved in a couple of houses down. How else should I go about meeting these new neighbors?? I live in a nice neighborhood but people around here are not friendly and keep to themselves. If you live in the Portland, Oregon area what do you think is proper etiquette?

[Snickerdoodle]

Friendly = low class?

 

:glare:

[fivetails]

Our neighborhood has a rule that the kids can't be outside without an adult unless they are over 12.

 

whoah, what??? This is way OT, but I saw that and wondered if you'd mistyped the number. 12??? Wow. I could never live with a rule like that - heck, it's summer...our neighbourhood is full of kids every day, riding bikes, playing games, hanging out in the "woods" (clump of trees on another street), walking to the corner store to buy treats, out in the playground behind, using each other's sprinklers and slipNslides, etc etc etc......*really* little ones (under 6ish) have adults (or older siblings attached), but...12??? So my dd11 couldn't take her little brother to the park?? That's kinda nuts, we couldn't live with that sort of rule. Yikes.

[Soph the vet]

Our neighborhood has a rule that the kids can't be outside without an adult unless they are over 12.

 

 

I was wondering about this too. Is this a rule on a military base or is it some gated community type thing? Seems way too restrictive and somewhat "police statish" (is statish a word:001_huh:) to me.

[Marie in Oh]

Your family could be a little intimidating looking. ;)

 

Here is what I am guessing is going on. . .

 

Mr. Major (or whatever that is in the Navy :lol:) is a "by the books ma'am" kind of guy. He likes order and lots of it. He has his pretty little wife and then his 2 kids. A boy and a girl even. Moving in in an orderly fashoin is an extension of himself. Kids go to grandparents so mom and dad can get settled. Kids show up a week later to said new house and everything is in order. They look across the street and see what they consider chaos-- pregnant mom, 6 children 11 and under, and dad is at sea. THat just may be too much for Mr. Major (or whatever you call it in the Navy :lol:) and his family who are all used to the "by the books" method.

 

Jo. Hugs dear. :grouphug: I am sure they are nice people but your family, I am sure, (and mine too) intimidates alot of people. Especially military types. Glad you finally got a house on base my dear.

 

Oh, look into AHRN.com. It is a rental agency for military.

[lori in tx]

hmmm I can tell you we try to stay to ourselves. We have been neighbors to too many nutty people and they end up making our lives miserable. Now we do seem to have a nutty cat person (see blog for details)and we definetly are at the "don't make eye contact" mode. On time we had a neighbor, this was when dd was about 6months old, banged and banged on our door at 2:00 am. Dh goes flying downstairs, thinking the apartment was on fire, nope the guy was wondering if dh had a light:001_huh:

 

One time we had some neighbors, they lived a couple of blocks away, who would come over and have dh refree there domestic situations. Or they would come over and relive the whole things, complete with when one or both of them would get hauled off to jail. And if you tried not to answer the phone or door because dd and ds were sleeping they would go around banging on all the doors and windows.

 

So as you can see we stick to ourselves, we seem to be nut magnets so we stick to ourselves. Maybe they are magnets too and they are just scared:001_huh:

blessings

lori

lori

[RhondaM.]

:)

 

I am quite introverted, and it takes me awhile to go and meet people. My kids tend to stay inside or play in their high fenced yard.

 

I'm sure my neighbors thinks we are isolationists, but really I'm not good at initiating anything.

 

We have lots of friends but none are our neighbors. They are people we meet in a more "closed" environment, like church, swimming, or my dh's work.

 

If that was me next door to you, I would be thrilled if you came over and introduced yourself. I may not look it, I tend to act quite shy at first, but really I would like it if you came.

 

Maybe your neighbor is like me. Or maybe they just don't like other people. :tongue_smilie:

 

Same here. My kids play indoors or out back.

I'm a very quiet, private person and just don't care to get to know my neighbors. Partly this is due to the fact, that once you become friends with your neighbors, you are stuck with them, whether you decide if you like them or not.

 

There used to be a lady down the road from me (that I'd met from somewhere else) and she would come to my house to visit nearly every day. I liked her just fine, but her constant visits drove me out of my mind. I really just don't enjoy a lot of uninvited company. To me, getting to know my neighbors is taking a chance on loosing some of the privacy that I need.

 

I often see posts on boards about unsocial/introverted people. I'm one of 'em. Social people get energy from socializing. For me it actually drains my all energy. It takes a lot of alone time to charge back up.

[Melanie]

We are military, and we generally keep ourselves to ourselves. The advantage of doing so is that we avoid all the neighborhood drama and the "will you watch my kids over and over and over again and by the way, I'm having another jewelry/pampered chef/mary kay party, and did you hear what so-and-so's husband is in trouble for?" situations. The disadvantage... well, I can't think of any disadvantages right now. But I'm one of those introverted people. ;) The kids are allowed out to play whenever and with whomever they like, but they always end up back home long before curfew. I guess it's genetic.

 

By the way, I've been military my entire life (associated with two different services) and have NEVER witnessed anyone bringing cookies to a new neighbor!

[Mrs Mungo]

I was wondering about this too. Is this a rule on a military base or is it some gated community type thing? Seems way too restrictive and somewhat "police statish" (is statish a word:001_huh:) to me.

 

It's not a gated community but it is a planned-community thing with a couple of community parks. One of the parks is right in our front yard (literally). And the rulebook that we received upon moving in states no kids under 12 are to be outside without an adult. This is all part of the big picture reason we're moving after only being in this house 6 months. :tongue_smilie:

[runninmommy]

We are always very careful when we move to a new neighborhood or base. We like to take our time to get to know people. We have had some really bad neighbors...To be honest it was the ones who were overly friendly, nosy, let their kids have run of our yard/things and gossiped about the neighbors before we had a chance to meet them. Also, it takes a good month before we have our house unpacked and we get into some kind of routine.

 

Maybe they are just trying to feel out the neighborhood and get settled. Give them some time..I'm sure they are perfectly normal.