Susan in TN Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 I realize that this is a "pass the beandip" issue. My family came to visit overnight. They are from a "very Northern" state - where I grew up. I remember when I went to college in the South and had some of the same beliefs about the South and Southerners - they are racial bigots, they are all mad that slavery was outlawed, they wish they could relive their Confederacy glory days, and their general stupidity is proven by their slow drawls/speech which indicate slow-working brains. I've exaggerated it a little, and I don't remember ever being "taught" any of these ideas by my family or school, but yet, there they were. And here they are in my family - those little cutting jabs/"jokes" - probably don't even know they are making them. Despite the fact that I truly love where I live. I am very proud of my state. I guess I've never expressed this to them, so how they would know how distasteful their remarks are to me (and confusing to my kids)? So, as I expect them back this weekend, will you please remind me how to graciously pass the bean-dip? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 I'm thinking your kids were born down south. If it were me I'd probably remind the grandparents that their grandkids are born and bred southerners all the while using The Look until it dawns on them what they've said. Then go on about my business. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astrid Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 As a lifelong "northerner" and on behalf of northerners everywhere, I'd just like to state that the beliefs of your family are indicative of THEIR character, not that of northerners in general. :001_smile: astrid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted March 19, 2012 Author Share Posted March 19, 2012 (edited) I'm thinking your kids were born down south. If it were me I'd probably remind the grandparents that their grandkids are born and bred southerners all the while using The Look until it dawns on them what they've said. Then go on about my business. Yes... As a lifelong "northerner" and on behalf of northerners everywhere, I'd just like to state that the beliefs of your family are indicative of THEIR character, not that of northerners in general. :001_smile: astrid ...and yes! (And I'll add that these family members are all college educated, committed Christians, and wonderful in many ways.) Edited March 19, 2012 by Susan in TN Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 As a lifelong "northerner" and on behalf of northerners everywhere, I'd just like to state that the beliefs of your family are indicative of THEIR character, not that of northerners in general. :001_smile: astrid And can I throw in that people in TX don't all have a sweet, sickly accent, ride horses, or wear 10 gal hats! Personally, OP, I would just nicely chastise them on their comments. Something like "Hey, don't forget your grandkids are southerners!" or something along those lines. If they don't take the hint, I would ask them quietly (and aside from the dc) to not make those remarks around the kids. :grouphug::grouphug: Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 When they say those things, it is permissible to just stare at them until they feel uncomfortable and begin to realize they've said something inappropriate. You can even say, "I don't think that's funny at all," or "Really? I have never found that to be true," or something along those lines. I have a dear friend who grew up in the San Francisco Bay area, and when I first moved to Texas she made repeated comments about how ignorant Southerners were. I let them go, but eventually decided I was going to call her on it (we've been friends long enough that I can do that). Sadly, it has been several years since she said anything, doggonit--I was looking forward to having it out with her. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Graciously passing the bean dip is for moments when you and the other party disagree on particular issues. When it comes to predjudice and outright rudeness, especially if your kids are affected, I'd suggest throwing the bean dip at their heads instead. Ok, not really. :tongue_smilie: But I think it is probably more appropriate to nip it in the bud than to keep trying to redirect the conversation. I like Ellie's words, and phrases along the line of, "That hasn't been my experience," firmly, and "I know you meant it as a joke, but it's not funny when you put us down like that." If it was my mom, I could give her the look and say, "Really, Mom?" Being who she is, she'd probably think about what she'd said and apologize, but I know not all moms are like that. :grouphug: Cat Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oraetstudia Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Sounds familiar. Not from most of my family, but I went to college in TN and got married down here -- my family is all out west or up north. My cousin flew in from New Hampshire and acted all freaked out to be in the South, as though she expected to see mobs and crosses burning on every lawn and kids running barefoot and half naked everywhere waving Rebel flags. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Obviously, the South doesn't have the corner market on prejudice and bigotry :D Of course, I came here from Southern California where we had all that racial stuff worked out already! ;) (no, no, do NOT start thinking of riots, Rodney King, etc.....they don't count!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astrid Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Thank you. I feel the same. That said, nothing wrong with laughing at yourself a little from time to time. I crack jokes about people from CT all the time (I grew up in CT). Although some of them aren't really jokes. Like the thing about them being aggressive drivers. That's no joke. :D I have no special opinion about people from other parts of the country. Maybe that's something from an older generation? Yeah.... I think we ARE aggressive drivers! I drive an hour each way to work, over Rt. 44 which is not a highway-- traffic lights and Avon Mountain all the way in to Hartford. I used to drive our Suburban (dog show vehicle) to work because I was more part-time, but now that I've increased my hours I drive what I call "Little Zippy," which is a slick red Mazda 6 with a spoiler. We bought it used (it's a 2010) but I always worry I"m going to attract the eye of a police officer in my Little Zippy. astrid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astrid Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 If you drive down Rt. 8 south from MA into CT you drive RIGHT PAST the end of my street! LITERALLY two blocks from my house!! We should meet up sometime! astrid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astrid Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Let me know when you're making the trip--- we'll meet up and then I can actually say I, too, have met a WTM boardie in person! I've been here for 8 years and have yet to meet a mythical WTM person! astrid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 I'm a Californian who has lived all over the country. Let me tell you - we Northerners do not have the monopoly on stereotyping :) The jokes I've gotten about being from California are sometimes far worse than what any one I know says about Southerners. Living in FL now - well - things do move more slowly here. People do speak more slowly (I used to have people tell me to 'slow down, I can't understand you!'), there is more of a sentimentality for the past, and religion - at least the in your face kind - is FAR more prevalent. Californians are weird in many ways. We're all weird, really, one way or another. I do think the denigrating comments are inappropriate, but I think it's better to laugh at it all than get hurt or bothered by it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommymilkies Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 As a lifelong "northerner" and on behalf of northerners everywhere, I'd just like to state that the beliefs of your family are indicative of THEIR character, not that of northerners in general. :001_smile: astrid :iagree: I have lived in NC and most of my family is in KY. I have never dealt with or seen this attitude. Maybe it's that I am in the Midwest, but there are racist rednecks everywhere, so stereotyping them to the south is ridiculous. I saw far less of that in NC than here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 I realize that this is a "pass the beandip" issue. My family came to visit overnight. They are from a "very Northern" state - where I grew up. I remember when I went to college in the South and had some of the same beliefs about the South and Southerners - they are racial bigots, they are all mad that slavery was outlawed, they wish they could relive their Confederacy glory days, and their general stupidity is proven by their slow drawls/speech which indicate slow-working brains. I've exaggerated it a little, and I don't remember ever being "taught" any of these ideas by my family or school, but yet, there they were. And here they are in my family - those little cutting jabs/"jokes" - probably don't even know they are making them. Despite the fact that I truly love where I live. I am very proud of my state. I guess I've never expressed this to them, so how they would know how distasteful their remarks are to me (and confusing to my kids)? So, as I expect them back this weekend, will you please remind me how to graciously pass the bean-dip? No advice, really, but I just wanted to share this: As the child of a Michigander who transplanted to the South, I remember how irritating it was when my dad's relatives from Michigan would visit us here in Georgia--or when we would visit them--and they would make fun of the way we talked. I never understood why they thought we were so stupid! One incident that I will never forget occurred when I was about 12. We were visiting family in Michigan, and I was playing with a cousin my age, and she, thinking it was cool, started trying to talk the way I did. Her mom (my aunt) heard her and started yelling at her and even spanked her for talking that way. It wasn't that my aunt thought her daughter was mocking me; it was that she didn't want my cousin to sound "ignorant". :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 I'm a Californian who has lived all over the country. Let me tell you - we Northerners do not have the monopoly on stereotyping :) The jokes I've gotten about being from California are sometimes far worse than what any one I know says about Southerners. Living in FL now - well - things do move more slowly here. People do speak more slowly (I used to have people tell me to 'slow down, I can't understand you!'), there is more of a sentimentality for the past, and religion - at least the in your face kind - is FAR more prevalent. Californians are weird in many ways. We're all weird, really, one way or another. I do think the denigrating comments are inappropriate, but I think it's better to laugh at it all than get hurt or bothered by it. I live in Texas, but I love the slow pace of Florida. We visit there just to enjoy conversations, long days on the beach with the locals who work on the beach on their laptops, and the general friendliness of the population. It might be a stereotype, but it is amazing! Personally, I would say something to the family given that your children were born in the south. I love it when 'northereners' come down here and are surprised that my kids can read, we live in the suburbs, we do not own cowboy boots, and though my kids can ride horses we do not own one. Oh yea, and we own a computer too lol. That has to be the funniest comment that I have recieved. Sometimes I just scratch my head. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted March 19, 2012 Author Share Posted March 19, 2012 I love it when 'northereners' come down here and are surprised that my kids can read, we live in the suburbs, we do not own cowboy boots, and though my kids can ride horses we do not own one. Oh yea, and we own a computer too lol. That has to be the funniest comment that I have recieved. Sometimes I just scratch my head. :lol: My New Yorker In-Laws were trying to persuede us to move to NY by dazzling us with their Chinese restaurants and radio stations that played jazz. :001_huh: Uh, apparently they'd never been outside the 'boroughs. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
All4one Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 We get the same thing from our Canadian relatives about "those Americans". All my kids are American:glare: They don't seem to mind visiting us and shopping in the American stores though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cottonmama Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 I have no special opinion about people from other parts of the country. Maybe that's something from an older generation? When I moved from the South to D.C. area a few years ago, a single college-aged guy told me (honestly, not meaning to be insulting, but rather clueless all the same) that he knew all about Southerners, how the "friendliness" wasn't genuine and was just part of the Southern tendency to be concerned about appearances above all else. He was so confident in this assessment, and I was so timid because I didn't even know him yet, that I kept my mouth shut. Kinda wish now that I'd cleared that one up, but too late now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alpidarkomama Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 I used to have a lot of misconceptions about southern life too - until I moved there! And l LOVE life here. Hands down, coastal Georgia is the best, nicest, most relaxing place I've ever lived (despite biting insects and missing some of the bigger city stuff and the Oregon mountains). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyD Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 (edited) My New Yorker In-Laws were trying to persuede us to move to NY by dazzling us with their Chinese restaurants and radio stations that played jazz. :001_huh: Uh, apparently they'd never been outside the 'boroughs. :D Well, I have to say, we moved here from NY and while Tennessee seems to be a perfectly nice place, the dearth of good Chinese food is really quite tragic. (Not to mention somewhat inexplicable. I mean, it's not like we're on the moon here.) I keep buttonholing students from China and asking them for suggestions, to no avail. So if you have restaurant recommendations in the Nashville area, I am all ears! :D The most vehement anti-Southern comments we have received have been from people who grew up here, moved away and never, ever want to return. Presumably that's true for everywhere, though. Edited March 20, 2012 by JennyD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlyingMOm Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 As a lifelong "northerner" and on behalf of northerners everywhere, I'd just like to state that the beliefs of your family are indicative of THEIR character, not that of northerners in general. :001_smile: astrid :iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnaM Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Well, I have to say, we moved here from NY and while Tennessee seems to be a perfectly nice place, the dearth of good Chinese food is really quite tragic. (Not to mention somewhat inexplicable. I mean, it's not like we're on the moon here.) I keep buttonholing students from China and asking them for suggestions, to no avail. So if you have restaurant recommendations in the Nashville area, I am all ears! :D The most vehement anti-Southern comments we have received have been from people who grew up here, moved away and never, ever want to return. Presumably that's true for everywhere, though. When I visited my brother stationed in Virginia all I could notice was the lack of Tex-mex haha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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