Haiku Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 Last night I told dd17, "This is not the way I wanted to parent you, but you have left me no choice. Every time I have tried to give you more freedom, you have screwed it up by doing something dumb." It's probably not the most PC thing to say, but it felt really good to say it. I am tired of being blamed for being a strict, mean mom. I don't want to micromanage my dd's life. But when her dumb-@$$ decisions threaten the well-being of the rest of the family, I have to take steps to protect the rest of us from her idiocy. (I told her that, too, although I didn't use the word "idiocy." That's what I meant, though.) Dd will be 18 soon. I thought I would be done by now with having to babysit her. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 :hurray: Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. No judgement here, just :grouphug: while you deal with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 :hurray: Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. No judgement here, just :grouphug: while you deal with this. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 :hurray: You go, mom! Unfortunately, our kids usually have no idea of the ramifications of their actions. I recently learned of a heinous incident that happened to a close family member of family friends - the incident happened 3 years ago. Our kids do need to learn that their actions don't happen in a vacuum. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 You SHOULD be done babysitting her by now. Stay strong. You have done everything you possibly can for her. She continues on in her destructive ways despite it all. Time to focus on the rest of you. You all need it, and it may be the best thing for her. My mentally ill brother did not become responsible for himself until he was 40 because my parents kept enabling him. My parents crippled him more than his mental illness ever could have. At some point your dd needs to sink or swim. She needs to do this without taking the entire ship down with her. I do not remember if I told you of the moms from my online adoption/RAD support groups contacting me personally, but a few of them had calls and apologies from their RAD for everything they put their mom through. I hope you will be one of those moms, and I hope you will share it here. If you are not one of thise moms, rest comfortably knowing you did all you could for her, much more than many people could ever fathom or handle. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nono Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 What is wrong with being frank? No judgement here. Sounds like it is something she needed to hear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 What is wrong with being frank? No judgement here. Sounds like it is something she needed to hear. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 :iagree: What is wrong with being frank? No judgement here. Sounds like it is something she needed to hear. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffeefreak Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 Good job Mom! I personally think radical honest, expecially at that age, is imperative. You are a PERSON, not a robot called Mom, and the other members of your family are people too with very real feelings and emotions. I make it a point to let the kids know there is no favoritism in this house, but the minute one child puts the other in danger, my rhetoric changes. I tell the offender, "You will not hurt my daughter or put her in danger. I love you and you are my daughter too, but this behavior is unacceptable, and I will not allow it." I don't ever say, "You will not hurt your sister." I don't think it works as well. I also think we should tell our kids when they've hurt our feelings, or when we don't want to be around them because of their actions. How else will they learn how to treat others? Good for you!!!! :grouphug: Dorinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 :hurray: Go Mom! This is how I feel about my 15 yo ds. Not about freedom issues, but school issues and time issues- getting things done, not waiting until the night before something is due, to start on it. I told dh I'm done. If I try and offer advice, he gets angry. I'm focusing on our other 2 dc for a change, and we aren't waiting around for him to get done-even if it means vacation w/out him! Better he sinks now, than later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 Last night I told dd17, "This is not the way I wanted to parent you, but you have left me no choice. Every time I have tried to give you more freedom, you have screwed it up by doing something dumb." It's probably not the most PC thing to say, but it felt really good to say it. I am tired of being blamed for being a strict, mean mom. I don't want to micromanage my dd's life. But when her dumb-@$$ decisions threaten the well-being of the rest of the family, I have to take steps to protect the rest of us from her idiocy. (I told her that, too, although I didn't use the word "idiocy." That's what I meant, though.) Dd will be 18 soon. I thought I would be done by now with having to babysit her. Tara Noop......not done...not by a long shot. Kids make their all time dumbest, idiotic decisions between 18&21. It is amazing to me that any ofnus live through it. They are adults....dammit......( that's what they think). And things are " not like they were when YOU were young!:confused:):glare: Seriously....my kids were NEVER so stupid or careless or immature as they were between 18 & 21. Scary that their most important life decisions happen in that time frame.... And YES, I have used the words " stupid" and " idiotic". I am just one of those people who call it like I see it. Sorry you are dealing with the dumbness:grouphug: maybe she'll get it out of her system early. My adult kids hit pinnacle :glare: at 19. Faithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 What is wrong with being frank? No judgement here. Sounds like it is something she needed to hear. :iagree: Sometimes they need to hear it....and sometimes it feels good to just say it.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 Sometimes we need to tell it like it is. Just because you're Mom doesn't mean that you give up being a real person with real feelings. She's nearly an adult, and better she see now how her actions impact others. Better she hear it from you now than from others later, people who don't love her nearly as much as you do, kwim? And :grouphug: Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 Stupid is as stupid does. Call a spade, a spade. What's wrong with that? You weren't name-calling, you were labeling her decisions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 :hurray: Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. No judgement here, just :grouphug: while you deal with this. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted February 29, 2012 Share Posted February 29, 2012 Noop......not done...not by a long shot. Kids make their all time dumbest, idiotic decisions between 18&21. It is amazing to me that any ofnus live through it. Thanks for this comfort, Faith. I have one more year with my oldest. He is a GREAT kid, and SO smart. Still, sometimes I wonder if he left his brain somewhere in the house when he moved out. I haven't found it yet so........ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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