Cindy in C-ville Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Tired of haranguing my 10th grader to do her work. Tired of her telling me she's done it when she hasn't. Tired of excuses. Just tired of it. There is no way I can do it with her next year and I'm not sure I can make it to the end of this year. Sympathy? Suggestions? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 You have my sympathy. I got so tired of it that I actually enrolled my 10th grader in school for second semester. His attitude wasn't the only issue that pushed me over to the other side, but it was definitely one of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: Sympathy. I seem to go through that with my 11th grade dd, and after most math "events" at our house (and they ARE events), I feel physically drained. No suggestions. I nag constantly, yet I don't want to damage our relationship. She takes her schoolwork seriously, but I think she's been overwhelmed at the changes looming ahead (changes all high schoolers eventually face). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue G in PA Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 :grouphug: and lots of empathy. My dd15 about pushed me over the edge this afternoon over...can you guess...MATH! Ugh. She whines and complains and cops the NASTIEST attitude with ME when I am only trying to help her. :glare: She raises her voice...at me..and wonders why I get so angry? I am NOT the problem! I tell her she needs to get her "head in the game" and she dissolves into a puddle of tears and accusations that I don't understand and that she IS trying her best and putting forth her best effort. Ummm...really? Nope. Not buying it. I've seen her best effort...this isn't even close. And let's not even get started on writing. We've been working on her research paper since October. We don't have the option to enroll her in school and I honestly don't WANT to. I just wish she would start caring about her work more than I do. my husband said he was in 10th grade when he finally started taking ownership of his education and realizing it was HIS education and not his parents. :001_huh: I guess I was a freak b/c I feel like I always "owned" my education. So, anyway, no answers, just :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Photo Ninja Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 What does she care about? What is her currency? I would toss it all onto her shoulders. She is old enough to be responsible to do her assignments. What would happen if you let her be fully responsible? You stop reminding her. Give her the assignments on Monday morning with the requirement that she turns them in to you daily when she finishes them, and she has no privileges until the daily work is done. Short and sweet. (I am assuming she is capable of doing the daily assignments and they are appropriate assignments.) Then let her take full responsibility. When she wants to watch tv, you can remind her that she has not turned in all her daily work, so no tv. No going to friend's house because you have not seen all her daily work yet. You can be calm, state the fact that she has not shown you her assignments yet. "You can go as soon as you show me your completed work." That is the requirement, and she is the one responsible, not you, so she decides if she gets the privilege or not. If things have not changed significantly by June, you can make decisions about next school year. But from now on, she needs to be responsible and accept the consequences she chooses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 Can I ask you a question? Do you do any of it with her? I was feeling exactly this way earlier with my 14 year old and I was challenged here on this board to take a more active role as his teacher even in high school. I don't sit by him while he does his assignments, but I do explain and discuss content with him. And in the two classes (chemistry and algebra) which I can't do that, I've now hired a tutor to do the explaining. Of course this might not apply to you but I thought I would throw it out there because of my own experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tex-mex Posted February 1, 2012 Share Posted February 1, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug: I am having to do this with my Special needs/Aspie/OCD/anxiety/Dysgraphic 10th grader for Chemistry and Geometry. What is appealing to him is the fact I am studying alongside him and taking the tests. He finds it hilarious. :glare: OTOH, he can be independent in other subjects, but needs supervision with math & science. I would love to outsource these subjects next year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jasda Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 Wow, you mean I'm not the only one who has a difficult teen? It's great to have a board like this so that we know we're not alone. I have been putting my kiddo in some local classes and taking a bit of a back seat. It has given my kiddo someone else to be responsible to. That has helped. Hang in there, I hear things get better when the kids get into their twenties. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 Wow, you mean I'm not the only one who has a difficult teen? It's great to have a board like this so that we know we're not alone. I have been putting my kiddo in some local classes and taking a bit of a back seat. It has given my kiddo someone else to be responsible to. That has helped. Hang in there, I hear things get better when the kids get into their twenties. Hate to break it to you, but their twenties is where the fun begins:glare: Faithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhonda in TX Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 No ideas, but wanted to let you know you're not alone. My 9th grader is about to do me in. I swear, if he didn't have Asperger's, he'd be in school. He wouldn't survive school, so here we are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 "Oh yeah, I meant to tell you last week that I lost that book. I guess I'm really behind now..." "I didn't do math today because I got stuck on the first problem and you were on the phone when I needed you. I forgot to ask you later." "I can't find my rough draft. Do I really have to start over?" Every day I'm reminded why I never, ever want to be a middle school or high school teacher. Thankfully my older one has "got" that he is responsible and comes up with his own solutions and schedule most of the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 I love the "what do you want me to do again?" question, after I've already explained it one to twelve times in the preceding two minutes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 Would she be more apt to follow through with on-line classes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeScholar Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 I love the "what do you want me to do again?" question, after I've already explained it one to twelve times in the preceding two minutes. That's when I would toss them a notepad and say "Write it down, this time". :) If you still have problems then give them more detailed instructions. It works like a charm with my DS who hates tedious handwriting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom31257 Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 (edited) This has been the hardest year I've had with dd. Honestly, it's a lot worse during "that time of the month", too. I don't have much advice except to say I realize how I react matters most. If I can keep calm and unemotional, it helps quite a bit. One big issue is that we're opposite personalities. She is independent and hates to need any kind of help. I LOVE to help. I need to wear a sign that says, "I have a math degree and I solve problems!". I think some of my issues involve her work and not knowing what level to expect from her. I can't make her assignments clear if I'm unsure myself. I'm trying to realize she's just 9th grade not 12th. I also wonder if we just are together too much. Growing up is a process that leads to you being away from your parents and being able to be out in the world on your own. It's a natural process that is going to happen. I see the desire for independence even in my special needs nephew who is about to turn 18 but is mentally only 5 or so. I've tried to put things in place where she is away more. I direct a co-op that meets a few weeks each semester, and she's in a cotillion class and high school chorus at a Christian school as well as volunteering at the library. It's helped a little. :grouphug: I hope things improve for you. Public school is not an option for us here, and we can't afford private without me teaching in one. We would consider that as a last resort. Edited February 2, 2012 by mom31257 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brigid in NC Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 Cindy, let me join the :grouphug: too. Home schooling high school is a different kind of hard than the journey there. If it helps to know you are not alone in the kinds of things you are experiencing, do know that. I feel your pain and hope that you will be encouraged that others are thinking about you and praying for you and your dd. ~Brigid ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim in SouthGa Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 I think some of my issues involve her work and not knowing what level to expect from her. I can't make her assignments clear if I'm unsure myself. This is soooo true for me, a constant struggle. We have taken more outside classes the last couple of years, and I've found that most teachers (especially the ones who have actually taught in a school) require quite a bit less that I do!! It's just so hard to know how much to push. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brigid in NC Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 I've found that most teachers (especially the ones who have actually taught in a school) require quite a bit less that I do!! It's just so hard to know how much to push. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom31257 Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 I had hoped dh would be a help because he's a public school teacher, but he only teaches regular classes instead of honors or AP. He finished his certification last summer but after the schedules were set, so he hopes to teach them next year. I think he'll have a better idea of what those kids are capable of once he's in the classroom with them. He used to be a private school elementary principal and has been in the public school classroom for just a few years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted February 2, 2012 Share Posted February 2, 2012 We found that enrolling with a distance school really helped to ease tensions. Dd liked having the lesson plans to follow herself and having very clear expectations. Having the work submitted to someone other than you for grading may help your situation. Just a thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in C-ville Posted February 2, 2012 Author Share Posted February 2, 2012 You all are so helpful. Hugs. Prayers. Wisdom from those in the trenches, and those who have BTDT. DD is in CC Challenge II, and so she has accountability and structure for her work. But, she gets overwhelmed, distracted, avoids, asks for extensions, etc. So, we met this morning, looked over what is due tomorrow, and she wrote down what she still has left to do. I'll check for completion at 5:00. She has several outstanding papers and so she will earn computer time as she completes these papers. She was so far behind in math that we dropped her participation in the CC class and she is doing that using the "Grandfather CDs." I think the idea of physically doing math with her is a good one. We'll start that on Monday. Honestly, we're looking at a classical Christian school for next year. It would mean I am working, but it seems like a better option that what we're doing now. If she were my last high schooler, that would be one thing, but I will have three in high school next year. And I just don't think I can do it for the long haul. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alphabetika Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 When it was clear to us that dd1 was mentally done with homeschooling (and there's a longer story that goes along with this) we encouraged her to take the CHSPE, which is the high school grad equivalency test here in CA. She had not finished a normal number of credits to graduate, but since she was not interested in going to college right away, this was less important to us than preserving our relationship and her sanity (there were some mental health issues invovled - again, longer story than I'm telling and not exactly rebellion). Also, passing the CHSPE makes it easier for high school-aged students in our area to take CC classes, because overcrowding makes dual enrollment as a high school student nearly impossible. She took the test the summer after her junior year and passed it. This year, which would have been her senior year, she is taking a "gap year," nannying for us with her youngest sister, reading a lot and investigating her options. Currently she plans to go to a CC starting in the fall, make up the credits she needs plus exploring some interests, and possibly apply to a university within the next few years. I say all of this to say that sometimes the best solution is to cut your student loose, which can also mean cutting yourself loose. I can tell you more if you want to PM me. It's nothing I ever thought we'd do, and there were many conditions that went along with it (e.g. we weren't going to allow her to test out of school if we truly believed she would be a slacker for the rest of her days) but in the end it was absolutely right and has increased the peace in our household SO MUCH. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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