How do I address this Christmas card?

[Mommie_Jen]

Married couple, wife hyphenates last name. They are not formal at all, and she would fall over dead if anyone called her Mrs. Previously, I've just put first names on the card because I can't figure it out.

 

Husband first and last name, then wife first name and hyphenated last name?

[Mrs Mungo]

Sometimes you have to do what works instead of what is technically correct. I would write "the Smith-Jones family."

[Parrothead]

Personally I'd take the chance that she wouldn't actually die if I addressed the envelope Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

 

I haven't time to figure out what everyone one wants to be called. Everyone gets the standard address.

[Rivka]

Chris Jones & Kathy Smith-Jones

1234 First Street

 

Or, if the names are too long for that, separate lines:

Eustace Cadwallader

Angelina Cadwallader-Kristofferson

1234 First Street

 

(I confess that it irritates me when the woman hyphenates her name and the man doesn't, but that's just my personal issue. It doesn't affect how the envelope should be addressed.)

[Jenny in Florida]

Sometimes you have to do what works instead of what is technically correct. I would write "the Smith-Jones family."

 

Chris Jones & Kathy Smith-Jones

1234 First Street

 

Or, if the names are too long for that, separate lines:

Eustace Cadwallader

Angelina Cadwallader-Kristofferson

1234 First Street

 

I like either of these options.

 

I'm one of those people to whom names are very important. I would want to make sure to do my best to get it right.

[SorrelZG]

 

(I confess that it irritates me when the woman hyphenates her name and the man doesn't, but that's just my personal issue. It doesn't affect how the envelope should be addressed.)

 

Well, I could understand if the woman's previous name is from a previous marriage from which she has children. That way she would be keeping the name she shares with her children while taking her new married name and of course her new husband wouldn't take on her previous husband's name. Not that I know that is the case in this situation, just that if it was, that would make sense to me. Also, if that WAS the situation, I'd just use the name she shares with her husband "Mr & Mrs whatever" or the names on separate lines like in Rivka's example.

Edited December 13, 2011 by SCGS

[melissel]

I like either of these options.

 

I'm one of those people to whom names are very important. I would want to make sure to do my best to get it right.

 

:iagree: and :iagree: It annoyed me just a smidge when people referred to me as Mrs. C____ before I actually changed my name (which was after 10 years of marriage). It was like they couldn't be bothered to actually pay attention or take the little bit of extra effort to figure out how to address me correctly. (And then, of course, there was my grandmother who referred to me as Mrs. C[incorrect spelling], but that's a whole other post!)

 

OP, on your recipient's behalf, thank you for taking the time to try to get it right for her!

 

ETA: I also wanted to say that if she kept her maiden name or hyphenated her name, it's likely because doing so meant something to her, so knowingly ignoring it is disrespectful of that, IMO.

Edited December 13, 2011 by melissel

[Mommie_Jen]

Well, I could understand if the woman's previous name is from a previous marriage from which she has children...

 

Just as a side note, she doesn't. They have no children. It just always sounds weird to me to use both of their names in their entirety, but I think that's what I'll do.

[unsinkable]

Chris Jones & Kathy Smith-Jones

1234 First Street

 

Or, if the names are too long for that, separate lines:

Eustace Cadwallader

Angelina Cadwallader-Kristofferson

1234 First Street

 

(I confess that it irritates me when the woman hyphenates her name and the man doesn't, but that's just my personal issue. It doesn't affect how the envelope should be addressed.)

 

Not that you asked or that it matters...but I hyphenate my name b/c my father's last name is so rare that anyone who has it is an aunt/uncle/cousin of mine. I lost my dad at a young age and I didn't want to lose that connection with him.

 

ETA: I don't care if people call me by my DH's last name only or address things that way.

[SorrelZG]

Just as a side note, she doesn't. They have no children. It just always sounds weird to me to use both of their names in their entirety, but I think that's what I'll do.

 

Just out of curiosity, is it a maiden name she's hyphenating or a previous married name?

[Mommie_Jen]

Just out of curiosity, is it a maiden name she's hyphenating or a previous married name?

 

Maiden name. They married later that "normal", at least around here. I think they were late 30's, early 40's.

[Jenny in Florida]

ETA: I also wanted to say that if she kept her maiden name or hyphenated her name, it's likely because doing so meant something to her, so knowingly ignoring it is disrespectful of that, IMO.

 

Exactly.

[SorrelZG]

Maiden name. They married later that "normal", at least around here. I think they were late 30's, early 40's.

 

Then I would definitely go for the double line with the two separate full names. It may sound/look weird but I'm sure they are used to it since it's what they decided on. :)

 

eta. Not that my opinion counts for anything .. I'm just totally being nosy because I don't want to go and do laundry. :lol:

[Lisa in the UP of MI]

My SIL kept her last name. We write BIL's first and last name and SIL's first name then H-C as an abbreviation of her last name.

 

ETA: SIL's hyphenated last name is from her childhood (her parents kept their last names and gave the kids hyphenated names). She does not have BIL's last name in any way.

Edited December 13, 2011 by Lisa in the UP of MI

[EmilyK]

I kept my last name. I personally don't care how things are addressed, and especially now that 3/4 of the people at this house have the same last name I don't care if a Christmas card comes addressed to "the Smiths". That said, I try to be respectful of others, and about half our friends from college and grad school kept or hyphenated their names, so it doesn't seem odd to me. I'd write out the whole thing. If they live in a house, you could probably just write out their first names -- we get Christmas cards that way from people who don't remember one of our last names.

[LeslieAnneLevine]

Chris Jones & Kathy Smith-Jones

1234 First Street

 

 

Yes, exactly this. If it's a couple with children then I would use Mrs. Mungo's idea of the Smith-Jones family or what Rivka wrote above and add "and family" to it.

 

I do think it's important to address cards correctly. You really don't want your greetings of goodwill to include a slight to anyone. I once received a card from someone who knew us both and addressed it to my husband's name "and his family". Let's just say I did not like it. Not one bit.

 

One time my parents received a card from an adult niece that was addressed to "Uncle (my dad) and everyone". Let's just say my mom really did not like it. Not even one little bit.

 

Now the card we received, after years of marriage, that had my name as "Heather", the name of a young lady my husband had previously dated, was hilarious to me. I know that the person who sent it, who hadn't seen us since we had just started dating, really did think he had it right. He has a double first name of Jan-something and I had to really resist the temptation to address their card Jan-Heather.

Edited December 13, 2011 by LeslieAnneLevine

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

My best friend kept her last name, and it's a long one. So, if I feel like writing it out, I will put Mr. XXXXX and Mrs. YYYYYYYYYYY. If not, I just put The XXXXX family. 2/3 of the family has the shorter last name. My friend can deal with it!

[redsquirrel]

Two married adults with no children, one with one name and one with a second hyphenated name are

 

Ms: A-B

Mr B

 

If they do have children, then 'The A-B Family" is just fine.

 

Two unmarried adults go in alphabetical order.

 

I have a different last name from my husband. Our children have my last name. If you know us and send us a card for Mrs A, then I assume you didn't send it to me. Or maybe my husband has a secret wife that he hasn't told me about and you are trying to let me know. :lol:

 

But, really, I have an elderly uncle who cannot manage that I kept my name. The same name he has, but whatever. When I see the envelope addressed to Mrs A I always have a couple moments where I think "who the heck is that for?"

[SorrelZG]

Two married adults with no children, one with one name and one with a second hyphenated name are

 

Ms: A-B

Mr B

 

If they do have children, then 'The A-B Family" is just fine.

 

Two unmarried adults go in alphabetical order.

 

 

 

Are these the official etiquette rules? Etiquette is something I am unversed, but trying to educate myself, in.

[redsquirrel]

Are these the official etiquette rules? Etiquette is something I am unversed, but trying to educate myself, in.

 

I am reaching back through the mists of time to when I had to address my wedding invitations. My MIL knows this stuff cold and I am 85% sure that is what she told me to do.

 

I have so many friends with different names etc that I almost drove her crazy. I have one friend, part of a married couple and each has their own hyphenated name that is their own.

 

So

Ms A-B

Mr C-D

 

Her head almost exploded. :lol: Oh well. Occasionally expanding your comfort zone is good for you.

[angela in ohio]

If they have kiddos, the HisName family (she is hyphenated, so she doesn't reject his name or anything.)

 

If they don't, then just write out his name and then her name.

[Danestress]

Is Mrs Name-name and Mr Name

 

I believe it is correct to put a womans name first if they have different names. You try to get them on the same line if they are married.

 

So Married people would be

 

Mrs. Jane Doe-Smith and Mr. John Smith

 

But unmarried people would be

 

Mrs. Jane Doe-Smith

Mr. John Smith

 

I don't use my husband's last name but I don't mind getting cards addressed to Mr. and Mrs Husband's Name or to "The His Name family." It's no big deal to me.

 

But when I address to other people, I do try to take the time to get it right. If it might matter to the woman I am writing to, I want to show I care. It seems odd to me to address a card to someone incorrectly when an extra 10 seconds could make it right. Why have a "she can deal with it" attitude when you are taking the time to send the card in the first place?

[redsquirrel]

But unmarried people would be

 

Mrs. Jane Doe-Smith

Mr. John Smith

 

But if they are not married, she would not be "Mrs" nor would her name be hyphenated.

 

She would be Ms Jane Doe and he would be Mr. John Smith

[nukeswife]

But if they are not married, she would not be "Mrs" nor would her name be hyphenated.

 

She would be Ms Jane Doe and he would be Mr. John Smith

 

Well you're right that if they were not married she wouldn't be Mrs. But couldn't she still be Ms Jane Doe-Jones, because her parents may have given her a hyphenated last name? Just curious.

[Julie Smith]

:iagree: and :iagree: It annoyed me just a smidge when people referred to me as Mrs. C____ before I actually changed my name (which was after 10 years of marriage).

 

My own father has yet to figure out. :confused: that I haven't changed my name and still have the same name as he does.

 

Yes he has been told, and it has been pointed out to him. I don't mind being the husband's-last-name family. I mean when he puts JUST my name on something it is always my name followed by husband's-last-name.

[Evergreen State Sue]

I just had to say that this has opened my eyes! I used to be in the camp of if they are married, then it would be Mr. & Mrs. Last Name or if she preferred a different last name it would be The dh's last name Family. I really didn't think wives got that upset with being associated with their husband's last name if you were married. I can see if you were just living together you might not want his last name.

 

When I was in the corporate world 16 years ago, it was common for women professionals who got married to hyphenate their name so people in their business would realize it was the same person. Eventually, they would drop the hyphen, or keep the hyphenated name only for business and use the family name for personal stuff. Times continue to change.

 

I know of a married couple who decided to each kept their name. I was told this by the mother as they live out of state. However, when they send Christmas cards their return address has a combination of their two names (1st syllable from one name and last syllable for the other name.) When in doubt, I have always followed what they have on their return address label. This one throws me, however.

[redsquirrel]

Well you're right that if they were not married she wouldn't be Mrs. But couldn't she still be Ms Jane Doe-Jones, because her parents may have given her a hyphenated last name? Just curious.

 

yes, and I did consider that possibility. However, if that is the case, then using a name that is also used by the other partner is not clear writing. If one wanted to illustrate a separate hyphenated name then it be better expressed by not using 'Smith' twice. If that was the point, it was not made.

 

I made a similar point in an earlier post using the examples

Ms A-B

Mr C-D

to illustrate my married friends who each have their own hyphenated name.

 

If I had stated

Mrs A-B

Mr B

my example is not clear.

[Danestress]

Of course that would be "Ms" or "Miss." I left it with Smith because there are ten million people named Smith and I didn't want to think up a new name for her, but I think the crux of the matter was just where people go on the label.

Edited December 13, 2011 by Danestress

[melissel]

I used to be in the camp of if they are married, then it would be Mr. & Mrs. Last Name or if she preferred a different last name it would be The dh's last name Family. I really didn't think wives got that upset with being associated with their husband's last name if you were married.

 

Well, I wouldn't have cut anyone out of the will or anything :D And for acquaintances or people who were closer to my DH, obviously I didn't expect them to even know that I'd kept my name. But if someone knew that I'd kept my name or hyphenated and just chose not to bother with that on an envelope? Yeah, it rankled a bit. Not enough to make angry phone calls or set fire to the letter or even grouse to my DH about it, but still, it felt like I was just being ignored.

 

I'm sure not every woman feels that way, but they might, and it doesn't really make sense to me to know a woman prefers a different last name from her DH and not use it when her full name is needed.

[Danestress]

I wasn't talking about actual people so I didn't think the particular names mattered, but jut to try to be clear, my point was that married people are usually listed wife first on the SAME line while unmarried people are listed woman first on different lines. So even though a woman may not use her husband's name, you the fact that they are married is indicated by squeezing those names onto one line. It can be difficult, though, if they have long names.

[Bootsie]

It seems ironical to me that this thread deals with the difficulty people having addressing an envelope when a woman wants to be addressed by her own name when another thread today is about the difficulty women can have getting a credit card in their own name.

[melissel]

It seems ironical to me that this thread deals with the difficulty people having addressing an envelope when a woman wants to be addressed by her own name when another thread today is about the difficulty women can have getting a credit card in their own name.

 

:001_unsure: I know. Everything old is new again, right?

 

ETA: Heh! I just scanned the other thread again and realized you and I may not be talking about the same issue!

Edited December 13, 2011 by melissel

[ChandlerMom]

Exactly.

 

Chris Jones & Kathy Smith-Jones

1234 First Street

 

Or, if the names are too long for that, separate lines:

Eustace Cadwallader

Angelina Cadwallader-Kristofferson

1234 First Street

 

 

 

:iagree: I also agree with a previous comment that clearly her name matters to her, so to ignore that to save a few seconds writing would be rude.

 

I don't hyphenate, I kept my maiden name (dh considered changing to mine since he doesn't have any connection to his, long story). Our kids all have my last name (dh's idea). I don't like being referred to Mrs. X (dh's name) but I HATE it when stuff comes addressed to the kid's with dh's last name. Is not and never has been their legal name. If people were going to just use one name, prolly should be MINE since it is the legal last name for 4 of the 5 in our household. :lol:

 

ETA: I don't mind if stuff comes addressed to "The X family", or better yet, "Mr. dh X and family" but I sincerely appreciate it when someone takes the effort to properly address the envelop and use both names. :) It always gives me a "that was so thoughtful of so-and-so" pause.

Edited December 13, 2011 by ChandlerMom

[SorrelZG]

It seems ironical to me that this thread deals with the difficulty people having addressing an envelope when a woman wants to be addressed by her own name when another thread today is about the difficulty women can have getting a credit card in their own name.

 

But in that case it doesn't matter what her last name is or whether it's hyphenated. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

 

On a random note, three thoughts have occurred to me during the reading of this thread .. in order ..

1: Why does the world have to be so difficult?

2: Now addressing an envelope has risen to the league of algebra.

3: AAAHHHHHHH! I'M SO THANKFUL THIS ISN'T MY PROBLEM!

 

 

I'm going to do laundry!!!

 

:lol:

[melissel]

But in that case it doesn't matter what her last name is or whether it's hyphenated. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

 

On a random note, three thoughts have occurred to me during the reading of this thread .. in order ..

1: Why does the world have to be so difficult?

2: Now addressing an envelope has risen to the league of algebra.

3: AAAHHHHHHH! I'M SO THANKFUL THIS ISN'T MY PROBLEM!

 

 

I'm going to do laundry!!!

 

:lol:

 

1: Yeah, it sure used to be easier...for some people :tongue_smilie:

2: Nah, not really. Just use the names they prefer! Mr. So and So, Mrs. So and So-Whoosiwhatsis, and Family. Long, but not hard.

3: Me too. We don't even send Christmas cards because I have other problems I can barely deal with :lol:

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

:iagree: I also agree with a previous comment that clearly her name matters to her, so to ignore that to save a few seconds writing would be rude.

 

I don't hyphenate, I kept my maiden name (dh considered changing to mine since he doesn't have any connection to his, long story). Our kids all have my last name (dh's idea). I don't like being referred to Mrs. X (dh's name) but I HATE it when stuff comes addressed to the kid's with dh's last name. Is not and never has been their legal name. If people were going to just use one name, prolly should be MINE since it is the legal last name for 4 of the 5 in our household. :lol:

 

I was the one who originally said "She can deal with it." about my best friend. I was talking about when I'm addressing a card to the whole family. The husband and daughter have the same last name. She kept her maiden name. If I send something just to her, of course I send it to her name, not her husband's. For the whole family, though, I just can't see addressing an envelope to The XXXXX family & Mrs. YYYYYYYYYYY. Or Mrs. YYYYYYYYY and Mr. XXXXX and family. Seems silly. I know my friend enough to know that she doesn't mind being included in her husband's family.

 

Also, as someone with first, maiden and last names that are frequently misspelled, I guess I just don't get upset when people address my cards to Line, Lynn, Lin, Lyn or Linne. I've had all of those. I have college friends who still send me cards to my maiden name, even though I've changed it and they are aware of it. I don't get upset about that, either.

[Danestress]

I honestly can't tell you, of the Christmas cards I have received this year, how they were addressed. I am not that attentive to the details and I just don't mind much one way or the other.

 

The OP actually asked what the correct way to do it is, though. It just tickles my funny bone that, on a board populated by well read women who obsess over grammar, constantly advance their own informal educations, pour over curricula, and promote classical education in general, having to write TWO names on an envelope would just seem sooooooo hard and unreasonable, lol.

[angela in ohio]

:iagree: I also agree with a previous comment that clearly her name matters to her, so to ignore that to save a few seconds writing would be rude.

 

I don't hyphenate, I kept my maiden name (dh considered changing to mine since he doesn't have any connection to his, long story). Our kids all have my last name (dh's idea). I don't like being referred to Mrs. X (dh's name) but I HATE it when stuff comes addressed to the kid's with dh's last name. Is not and never has been their legal name. If people were going to just use one name, prolly should be MINE since it is the legal last name for 4 of the 5 in our household. :lol:

 

I have friends who kept their name and are not hyphenated. I wouldn't address it to the HisName family. But I consider a hyphenated name a completely different situation than that.

[beaners]

Previously, I've just put first names on the card because I can't figure it out.

 

 

I would just keep doing this! :D

[silliness7]

My best friend kept her last name, and it's a long one. So, if I feel like writing it out, I will put Mr. XXXXX and Mrs. YYYYYYYYYYY. If not, I just put The XXXXX family. 2/3 of the family has the shorter last name. My friend can deal with it!

 

 

Just as a random curiosity, if you keep your maiden name instead of taking your husband's name are you Mrs. Maiden Name? That seems weird to me. Maybe that's where Ms. would come in. I don't know.

[Jenny in Florida]

Just as a random curiosity, if you keep your maiden name instead of taking your husband's name are you Mrs. Maiden Name? That seems weird to me. Maybe that's where the ubiquitous Ms. would come in. I don't know.

 

I kept my maiden name for the first seven years (or so) of our marriage. I used Ms.

 

Here's the thing, though, I used Ms. before I got married, and I still prefer it now that I changed my last name.

[Tammyla]

I have the same trouble with addressing envelopes.

 

My sister hyphenates, but her ds has a different last name...It makes for a very long or messy address.:001_huh:

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Just as a random curiosity, if you keep your maiden name instead of taking your husband's name are you Mrs. Maiden Name? That seems weird to me. Maybe that's where Ms. would come in. I don't know.

 

I don't know what the correct etiquette is, but my friend goes by Mrs. Maiden Name, but maybe she chose to do this because she is a high school teacher. All her students call her husband Mr. Maiden Name. He doesn't mind.

[Princess Peach]

I have no clue what is correct etiquette, but in my family in these circumstances I use:

 

Woman's name

Man's name

Address

 

I don't mess with Miss/Mrs./Ms.