How do you explain tough financial times to your dc?

[Sue G in PA]

We've never been what you call "well off". B/c of the choices we've made and our priorities, money has always been lacking. I'm sure many of you can relate. I'm grateful to be able to stay home and educate my children, but I do sometimes "covet" my friend's abilities to go on vacation each summer, eat out every week, send their kids to this camp or that or this activity or that. My dc are by no means used to being spoiled and getting everything they want. But, now that gas prices are sky high and food prices have risen and b/c I haven't had a clown/facepainting job in months due to the pregnancy and having Jesse...money is tighter than usual. We don't eat out anymore except perhaps once a month. We don't go out just anywhere anymore b/c of gas prices. My ds10 has a friend that lives 1/2 hr. away and sometimes we can't let him go see that friend b/c of gas. My dc are really good about this but it hurts so much to see their little faces so sad when we have to say no to this activity or whatever. For us, it's not the "things"...it's the experiences. Does anybody KWIM? My dd11 has wanted to do this drama camp for years now and each summer we have to say no b/c it's too expensive. No vacations, no day trips, no camps, no outside classes, etc. Ds10 desperately wanted to do this wildlife class w/ his friend. We couldn't afford it. Please know that I'm not whining. I'm really not. Everyone is feeling the pinch...not just us, I know. I'm just wondering how you all explain this to your dc? How, when I'm feeling down about it all myself, do I try to encourage my kids to deal with it pleasantly? I literally feel nauseous thinking about all the experiences and activities that we can't make happen for them b/c of this blasted economy and the fact that dh just doesn't make a ton of money doing what he does.

[JennifersLost]

I was kind of glad I went through some really hard times when the kids were little because they got used to "reality". When we went to the grocery store they knew they weren't going to get a "treat". They knew we wore second-hand clothes and didn't eat out and all the extras that really add up.

 

Now that times are a bit better I think my boys really appreciate it, and they don't take any of it for granted. They are completely aware of how much money we spend on birthdays or Christmases and they police their own lists so they don't ask for more than we can afford. They know that it takes hard work to get the things you want.

 

My dd is too little to remember the really hard times and she will probably have a harder go of it later when she grows up and has to support herself.

 

Just be honest to your kids and talk to them about money and choices. I never sugar-coated it for them and I think my boys are really better off for the experience.

[Plucky]

I think the truth is always best. We are having to cinch our belts here, too. Gas has gone up so much and so has everything else. I just talked to my kids about how very much it affects us. Hundreds of dollars are now leaving our budget with nothing more to show for it. They understand why we are cutting back.

 

Have you looked into scholarships for your kids' activities like camp?

[Kelli in TN]

Just tell it like it is.

 

Then be upbeat and positive about all that is good in life! The kids will catch on to that good attitude!!

[Plucky]

Good point! Don't forget to stress the blessings.

[Cinder]

We no longer use this phrase. It makes it sound like we're poor--we're not. We're not rich--just average. Like you, our choices create a "lack" in other areas. We've changed our phrasing to "that's not in our budget." The phrasing changes your mindset--that I control the money, not the other way around. We don't give the kids the details of the budget, but we do let them know there is a budget and we set aside money for certain categories (e.g. mortgage, food, etc.). We let them know we have priorities within the budget--tithing, food, homeschool supplies, etc. Soccer is NOT a priority, but it does have some importance to us and we're able to fit it into our budget. Does this make sense? Our kids now know that it's not that "we can't afford it," but rather that food and housing are more important, our budget can only stretch so far, and with prices for everything increasing we just can't fit *this* into our budget at this time. This is what works for us.

 

Cinder

[Peela]

We live in a very wealthy riverside suburb, but we rent, and we are not wealthy. We just like to bring the kids up here. So we have these kinds of conversations often, because kids in our area often go overseas regularly, and are mostly in private schools.

My kids are older, but we have conversations at times about how we live in such a wealthy area etc, but about how we still live in the top 5% of the world as far as wealth goes- which most westerners do, when you compare to most of the world. Its a good concept to get into them, however its not such a good time to do it when they are actually upset or feeling loss, unless you feel they would take it well. Its just a matter of fact concept.

I dont know where you live, but it may also encourage them, or you can encourage them, to start their own business of any sort. That way they feel empowered that they have some control over their lives. It may not get them on a camp,it may just mean they can afford to buy themselves a toy that you wouldn't normally buy them, but my dd is trying to earn $1000 to get on a camp next January, and it is making her very resourceful.

[swellmomma]

Despite us being below the poverty line my kids have never missed out on activities/camps etc so they don't really know. I do tell them that I only have so much money for xyz, so I list things like rent, food, gas, bills etc and let them know that extras are not possible that week etc. For lessons etc we have found several wonderful resources. As luck would have it we got into a research study which gave us $500 per year per child for 3 years to be in extra currics, that goes a very long way but in no way covers everything they do. I often do volunteer work to get fees waived or lowered, so for baseball for example, they waived the fees completely in exchange for me working a few bingos. Gymnastics waived the fees in exchange for me cleaning the entire gym club (each cleaning session waived the fees for 1 kid), I found a fine arts program run out of an old school where the kids take private guitar, violin, hip hop and art classes for free (fees are based on a sliding scale). Camps they attend a few, they go to one at our church, which the pastor waives the fees for us, also our city gives out leisure access cards to those that are low income, this lets the kids attend camps run by the city for 1/4 of the cost, the 2 oldest are going to junior zookeepers this year at the zoo it cost me $14.50 each, the 4 yr old is gooing to cooking camp it cost me $7. It also gives us free admission to attractions around the city, public swim pools and arenas. With all of that stuff the kids usually have more stuff than time to do with out it cutting into the budget too much. Maybe see if there is similiar type programs in your city/town. Also talk to the head of each extra curricular activity and see if there is anyway you can reduce or waive enrollment fees in return for volunteer time, most organizations do not want kids to miss out due to money issues and try to work with parents to find a solution. Perhaps then the kids can have more participation in things and not feel the cinch of the belt quite so much.

[Quiver0f10]

Just tell it like it is.

 

Then be upbeat and positive about all that is good in life! The kids will catch on to that good attitude!!

 

 

:iagree: We have been very honest with our kids about our situtation. I think it's a good learning opportunity for them to see the right way to deal with it.

[Kim in Appalachia]

"We've changed our phrasing to "that's not in our budget." The phrasing changes your mindset--that I control the money, not the other way around."

 

I like that, "That's not in our budget" I just keep tellling my kids that it's too expensive. I also tell them that we have to make choices. We can spend our money here or here. But I like the idea of stressing a budget

[Melinda in VT]

We no longer use this phrase. It makes it sound like we're poor--we're not. We're not rich--just average. Like you, our choices create a "lack" in other areas. We've changed our phrasing to "that's not in our budget." The phrasing changes your mindset--that I control the money, not the other way around. We don't give the kids the details of the budget, but we do let them know there is a budget and we set aside money for certain categories (e.g. mortgage, food, etc.). We let them know we have priorities within the budget--tithing, food, homeschool supplies, etc. Soccer is NOT a priority, but it does have some importance to us and we're able to fit it into our budget. Does this make sense? Our kids now know that it's not that "we can't afford it," but rather that food and housing are more important, our budget can only stretch so far, and with prices for everything increasing we just can't fit *this* into our budget at this time. This is what works for us.

 

Cinder

 

:iagree:

 

I tend to stress when finances are tight, and I find changing the wording not only helps the kids, but it helps remind me that I am in control, that I have options and choices, and that it will all be ok.

 

And when finances aren't tight but we still don't have enough to indulge the kids' every whim, this wording reminds them that they do get a lot of experiences and things, even if we aren't going to spend money on whatever they want right then.

[stephanie]

We've never been what you call "well off". B/c of the choices we've made and our priorities, money has always been lacking. I'm sure many of you can relate. I'm grateful to be able to stay home and educate my children, but I do sometimes "covet" my friend's abilities to go on vacation each summer, eat out every week, send their kids to this camp or that or this activity or that. My dc are by no means used to being spoiled and getting everything they want. But, now that gas prices are sky high and food prices have risen and b/c I haven't had a clown/facepainting job in months due to the pregnancy and having Jesse...money is tighter than usual. We don't eat out anymore except perhaps once a month. We don't go out just anywhere anymore b/c of gas prices. My ds10 has a friend that lives 1/2 hr. away and sometimes we can't let him go see that friend b/c of gas. My dc are really good about this but it hurts so much to see their little faces so sad when we have to say no to this activity or whatever. For us, it's not the "things"...it's the experiences. Does anybody KWIM? My dd11 has wanted to do this drama camp for years now and each summer we have to say no b/c it's too expensive. No vacations, no day trips, no camps, no outside classes, etc. Ds10 desperately wanted to do this wildlife class w/ his friend. We couldn't afford it. Please know that I'm not whining. I'm really not. Everyone is feeling the pinch...not just us, I know. I'm just wondering how you all explain this to your dc? How, when I'm feeling down about it all myself, do I try to encourage my kids to deal with it pleasantly? I literally feel nauseous thinking about all the experiences and activities that we can't make happen for them b/c of this blasted economy and the fact that dh just doesn't make a ton of money doing what he does.

 

Sue, I grew up in a home where things were always very "tight" as well, but I want you to know how much that helped me appreciate even the smallest things in life. I know it's hard to look at your dc's and tell them'"no", but telling them the truth, in a considerate way, is better for them. My momma always gently told me that we just couldn't afford it right now, and that was it. As an adult, I am so very aware of our money, and try to practice good stewardship of it. My dh always comments to me on how trustworthy I am with our money, and that he is so glad he doesn't have to worry about me going bonkers with our finances just because I/we want something. It's taught me that it's ok to have to save money when you want something instead of financing it. Now, if things are tight, then I just tell my dc that God wants us to be good stewards of our money, and with .........(whatever expense there is-gas, clothes, rising electric bill, b-day parties) that it's not a good time right now. I also tell them that we are not going to put money on a credit card and spend money that we don't have. Please just be encouraged. You are a wonderful mom, and these are sometimes hard lessons to learn for our babies, but they are priceless lessons!

[elegantlion]

We've had some very tight financial times and have been blessed through them. So we try to accent the positive as well. We often put things off because of budget. We are very upfront with our son about finances. He's very money wise for his age. My dh is self-employed and doesn't get a weekly paycheck, he gets paid when a job is done. Ds understands exactly how much hard work goes into getting that paycheck.

 

We are also looking at inexpensive fun things this summer. We will do some camping, the golf driving range, and the local water park. Those are what we've come up with so far.

[Plaid Dad]

We use "that's not in our budget" too. It has helped our dd to explain the consequences of certain spending decisions: if we spend our money on this, then we won't have it to spend on that; if we buy that now, it will be X days/weeks/months before we will be buying such a thing again.

[Hikin' Mama]

this is a perfect teaching opportunity. Like I tell my husband, we don't know what the financial status of our children will be, so they need to learn how to manage what they've got, and they need to learn that they can't always get what they want. So many children aren't learning that!

 

Although we have been blessed financially, there are alot of things we choose not to buy and do. Partly because we are trying to save for retirement and expenses we will have in the future, partly because I don't like running around all over the place. My oldest went to a science camp once, but mainly we go camping as a family (the kids and I, hubby has to work, and doesn't enjoy camping). We do go to the coast about once every three years, but if we couldn't afford this, we would still enjoy life.

 

I think it's also important to cultivate an attitude of gratitude. I like to point out to my kids that God has chosen to bless us financially at this point in our lives, but He doesn't have to, might not always choose to do so, and that is okay. The line I repeat to them is, "If you can be happy with what you've got, you'll always be happy." I have to remember this myself, because even though we don't have financial issues, we have others we have to deal with. But God is good, He loves me, and He promises never to leave me.

 

This was meant to encourage you, Sue, so I hope it comes across as such. :)

[jmgconner]

We use "that's not in our budget" too. It has helped our dd to explain the consequences of certain spending decisions: if we spend our money on this, then we won't have it to spend on that; if we buy that now, it will be X days/weeks/months before we will be buying such a thing again.

 

I just love this. :iagree: Yesterday would have been a great day for this - DS got his braces yesterday - WAY more than what I thought we'd have to pay after insurance. :eek:

[Tracey in TX]

Sue, I grew up in a similar situation to what you describe. Honesty is the best way to address it, and let the children know how you desire to have them experience the camps, trips, etc, but it's not feasible. When you put your heart on the line, the children know you want it for them. It made such a huge difference in the way I interpreted not being allowed to participate when I knew my parents wished I could. Ironically, it made me want it less. When they presented a blase attitude, I was resentful.

Another poster mentioned earning money for her camp. I did that one summer. I was the ONLY girl required to earn money for cheerleading camp. The rest were given to my friends. It was a sore point, but I knew I earned every single cent and am still proud of that accomplishment.

 

Children understand limited resources, if you put it into their terms. "You have $10 and want to buy X,Y,and Z. How can we make this work?" Even give DC a dollar for the dollar store as an example.

 

Best of luck and hopefully this economy will straighten itself out soon--and gas prices decrease so the other items can go back to previous costs.

[PariSarah]

Just tell it like it is.

 

Then be upbeat and positive about all that is good in life! The kids will catch on to that good attitude!!

 

Make a game out of saving money when you can. Get them involved.

 

"Okay, kids, here was our energy bill for this month last year. Let's see how we can lower it! And if we get it ____ kilowatt hours lower, we'll all go out for ice cream!"

 

Listen to Dave Ramsey podcasts, together as a family. He makes frugality sound cool.

 

And for everything else, just do the best you can to make positive comments about your blessings.

 

Read The Long Winter together as a family. Really listen when Pa talks. "Whoo-ee, Caroline, this whole wheat bread has so much flavor, we don't even NEED butter." "Salt cod gravy!! Oh, Caroline, what a TREAT!!" "Glad I put up so much hay to sell this winter. Otherwise, we wouldn't have any fuel to burn!"

[Tammyla]

:iagree:

 

Just tell it like it is.

 

Then be upbeat and positive about all that is good in life! The kids will catch on to that good attitude!!