Janie Grace Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 By difficult, I mean socially -- and I'm talking about public/private MS, not homeschool. Every woman I have ever chatted with about middle school/junior high shudders at the memory. I was at the bottom of the social ladder, a late bloomer, a nerd, etc. -- but it seems that even girls who were more socially accepted do NOT remember that time fondly. Mean girls, emotional craziness, social drama, etc. So I'm wondering -- is it the same for boys? My dh doesn't have such a strong negative reaction to the memory of those years... but he is a pretty outgoing, confident, resilient kind of person. What do you think? Is middle school easier on boys than girls? (Yes, there is a reason behind this question... we are contemplating whether to have our kids attend public school at some point. I'd rather not send dd, due to my -- and lots of other women's -- painful memories, waiting til high school when it seems like things even out. But I wonder if might be not so unpleasant for ds.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparrow Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 My husband was adamant that if we homeschooled, we would homeschool until at least high school, if not all the way through. He said there was no way he would allow his son to start attending in middle school. They are, by far, the hardest years for boys, according to dh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I think in a sense it is easier for boys than for girls, because of the way males interact. For girls, status comes from the number and qualities of social interactions: being popular, having many friends. The competition is for these interactions and friendships, and turns very nasty. Boys achieve status by more tangible attributes, such as being strong, or athletic, or having something cool (and in some cases maybe even being smart - which makes popularity for a girl impossible). So, competing for status they may compete physically, or show off their possessions - but "being popular" is not something that is the dominant driving force behind boys, so there naturally will be less backstabbing, spreading lies and rumors, excluding. If boys are bullies, they are found out easier, because the behaviors are more open - so it will be easier for a teacher to address unwanted behavior. On the part of the school, it is easier to deal with boys who got into a fight than with girls who spread vicious rumors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I think it's harder on boys who are physically slower to mature, since I do agree with a lot of the above poster's ideas about how boys compete and compare. And, based on limited experience, I'd say girls can be merciless on boys, as well as on each other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyK Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I think it really depends on the child, and the school. My older son is in middle school right now at a small, private school right now. I think he might be miserable at a large public school. He is not into the social whirl yet but that is OK at the school he attends, and he loves the academics. I think at this age it may be good to make decisions in collaboration with the child. Both our kids know decisions are ultimately ours, but we've had great discussions with both of them about their experiences, wishes etc, and overall they've been great family learning experiences. My younger son is now at a different private school and is now thriving. Neither thrived at our public school after the early years. My husband and I are very different personalities and we have to be careful not to superimpose our experiences on our kids. We've both been calling each other on that a lot lately. Maybe we're doing it more now because our kids are older and we remember these years more? No easy answers! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasharowan Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I think in a sense it is easier for boys than for girls, because of the way males interact. For girls, status comes from the number and qualities of social interactions: being popular, having many friends. The competition is for these interactions and friendships, and turns very nasty.Boys achieve status by more tangible attributes, such as being strong, or athletic, or having something cool (and in some cases maybe even being smart - which makes popularity for a girl impossible). So, competing for status they may compete physically, or show off their possessions - but "being popular" is not something that is the dominant driving force behind boys, so there naturally will be less backstabbing, spreading lies and rumors, excluding. If boys are bullies, they are found out easier, because the behaviors are more open - so it will be easier for a teacher to address unwanted behavior. On the part of the school, it is easier to deal with boys who got into a fight than with girls who spread vicious rumors. While this is true, it is also very hard years for boys since these years are the biggest change for boys. They go through tremendous physical, hormonal, and emotional changes during this time. It is often quite obvious which boy is going through changes and those changes are often used as either a mark of status or reason for bullying. For these reasons alone, I would never place a boy into middle school that has been home schooled. Wait til high school is my vote! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrs.m Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Middle School and Jr. High were very difficult for some of the boys in my family but not so bad for me. I don't think it can be generalized because so many factors come into play with this one. It's hard at that age sometimes even within the homeschool crowd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reeciecup Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Middle school can be terrible for boys. In middle school, boys want to fight to prove they are somebody. My son had people pick fights with him. If he fought and won, then he would be higher on the social ladder than the boy who lost. But he risked suspension or expulsion to the alternative school. If he won that fight then other boys would want to fight him to up their social status because he'd be known as a bada** that could kick butt. Also, the boy who lost the fight would likely want to fight again to regain his social status. If he refused to fight, because of the risk of disciplinary action, or fear of being hurt, he immediately lost social status and became lower than the boy who picked the fight, because then he would be a "wuss". When it became known that he wouldn't fight then other boys would try to pick fights to elevate their statuses. It's a horrible horrible place. I never knew it was like this until after my son had finished middle school. He feared that I would go to the school and that would create a whole other scenario, where he would be the wuss because he needed his mommy or daddy to protect him. The school really did try to prevent this kind of behavior, but it went on outside of the teacher's sight, before school, after school, in the bathrooms, secluded corridors. Kids can find a way to avoid the administrators. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I went to junior high, not middle school, but it's pretty close. :-) Sixth (which I guess is now "middle school") was good for me. Seventh was good. Eighth--OMG. For most of the year I was bullied in homeroom. ARGH. The rest of the day was fine. And I moved at Easter, and attended a different school for the rest of the year. It was like heaven. So I'm going to go with this: It isn't "middle school" in general that is difficult; it's the specific school. And for that reason, I'll go further and say that it doesn't matter whether we're talking about boys or girls. IOW, I'm not going to set up a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you send your ds to school, expect it to be a great experience. If your ds has a bad day, commiserate with him, but don't thilnk in the back of your mind, "See? Middle school. Children always have trouble in middle school." Children have always had to make adjustments through their young lives, long before school was even invented. It's just part of growing up. Some children have fewer problems than others. Some girls have fewer problems than some boys and vice versa. Such is life. ;-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JVA Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Our youth pastor just talked about his middle school years at the last youth group meeting last Wednesday. He was a chubby kid (not NOW- he just got married and is thin and fit!) and was bullied endlessly. Our ds was impressed with all that he went through. I told him that was one of the main reasons we homeschooled 3 of ours THROUGH middle school. The other two we hs all the way thru 11th. So, yes, it's just as awful for boys as it is for girls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lynn Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 6th and 7th grade were hard on my boys. I think a lot of it has to do with the age. Kids that age can be mean. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Having taught middle school... it's hard on boys and girls. I think boys get hit harder academically and with bullying socially. Girls get hit hard with drama, drama, drama as well as organization issues that hurt their academics. It's just a tough time. If there's a time I would never send my kids to school, it's middle school. Elementary school can be gentle enough, high school can be challenging and diverse - but middle school... oy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sharon H in IL Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 It seems to depend entirely on the school culture. I was bullied endlessly and savagely at middle school in Memphis TN. My son had a wonderful experience when he began public school for 8th grade junior high in central IL. The culture just doesn't support the same routine violence and meanness that was prevalent when and where I went to school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbgrace Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I didn't have a particularly yucky middle school experience but my husband did. I taught middle school for a couple of years and then only high school. There is a world of difference. I think middle school is generally hard on both but for different reasons. The degree of hard depends on the child. There are a few kids who, 17-18 years later, still stick out in my mind from those teaching experiences because I wished I could just fast forward them through middle school. They are all boys FWIW. No way would I send kids of either gender to start in middle school if I could help it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 I went to junior high, not middle school, but it's pretty close. :-) Sixth (which I guess is now "middle school") was good for me. Seventh was good. Eighth--OMG. For most of the year I was bullied in homeroom. ARGH. The rest of the day was fine. And I moved at Easter, and attended a different school for the rest of the year. It was like heaven. So I'm going to go with this: It isn't "middle school" in general that is difficult; it's the specific school. And for that reason, I'll go further and say that it doesn't matter whether we're talking about boys or girls. IOW, I'm not going to set up a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you send your ds to school, expect it to be a great experience. If your ds has a bad day, commiserate with him, but don't thilnk in the back of your mind, "See? Middle school. Children always have trouble in middle school." Children have always had to make adjustments through their young lives, long before school was even invented. It's just part of growing up. Some children have fewer problems than others. Some girls have fewer problems than some boys and vice versa. Such is life. ;-) I'm sorry you were bullied. Me, too. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2scouts Posted October 23, 2011 Share Posted October 23, 2011 Yes, middle school is brutal for both boys and girls. I've had three sons go through PS middle school and they all had some struggles. My father taught middle school for 40 years and when I took my son out of school to homeschool him, he asked me to not return him to PS in middle school. He said I should either do it in elementary or high school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 very rough time for my younger son. My older son started school in hs. At the parent orientation for 7th and 8th grade the principal forewarned us that it would be a rocky road. He told us to expect problems with friends, emotions, etc. He was 100% correct. NOT a good time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 Dh says yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 I'm sorry you were bullied. Me, too. :grouphug: :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: You'd think that out of 12 years, a few months of being bullied wouldn't be that big a deal, but I gotta tell you that it messed me up for years.:glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: You'd think that out of 12 years, a few months of being bullied wouldn't be that big a deal, but I gotta tell you that it messed me up for years.:glare: :grouphug: I can still remember things that were said to me in 7th grade. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted October 24, 2011 Author Share Posted October 24, 2011 Thanks for your replies, everyone. I definitely feel like this is something we'd need to wade into with a lot of caution, and I have to say I'm feeling pretty dissuaded after reading the replies. Ds(10) is confident (but not cocky), smart, athletic, good-looking (girls always seem to have crushes on him). Not the kind of kid to be bullied. But he's also not "cool" in terms of name brand clothes, haircut, possessions... so you never know. He is also pretty innocent about pop culture. The post about fighting (darned if you do, darned if you don't) was sobering and alarming. I'm wondering how easy it is to learn about a particular middle school's culture before your kid is a student there. It's a good point that I shouldn't project my bad experiences on my kids. I guess parents whose kids are there now would be a good place to start. And the kids themselves... Ugh. Too bad they can't just hibernate from age 11-14. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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