Can I complain one more time?

[Mynyel]

My ds9 is about to send me through the roof. Part of it isn't his fault but a lot of it is.

 

We live in a old dilapidated home. We aren't moving anytime soon (can't say anything about that, will get the thread deleted) so we have to make do with what we have. All this to say that the door to ds9's bedroom won't shut. I haven't asked the LL to fix it, I can't stand his handyman, so it is broken.

 

Ds3 gets in there an plays with ds9's things. Doesn't break them, ruin them or anything. Just plays. Yes he can make a mess, blankets and stuffed animals on the floor but that is it.

 

Ds3 doesn't have is own room. We co-sleep and ds3's toys are in the living room.

 

There is a constant battle between them because ds3 will play with ds9's things. :001_huh: I have told him they aren't his until her gets a job and pays for them himself:D. Hasn't worked, he still gets his knickers in a wad every time ds3 gets in his room.

 

What can I do? I just don't know. He can't keep his door closed to keep him out and I am sick and tired of having to punish ds3 for playing in his room, even if it is with "his" things. However I wrestle with if it is fair to make ds9 let ds3 play with his things.

 

I need nuggets of wisdom here. :)

[Onceuponatime]

Maybe ds 9 would be willing to set up a small play area in his room with the toys that ds 3 is allowed to play with and the rest would be off limits? If you agreed to make (or to help) ds 3 clean up after himself, would it work?

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Why does it matter that you don't like the handyman? Call the landlord and arrange to have the door fixed, or fix it yourself.

 

Your child's toys are his if they have been given to him.

[East Coast Sue]

Baby gate- two of them stacked one on top of the other. That will keep little one out but might be hard to manage when your ds9 needs access... just thinking a baby gate (or two) could work like a door.

 

Other option, make a rule that your younger son is not to enter his older brother's room at all. Your younger son is old enough to know and follow that rule, if it is worth your time to enforce it.

[Renthead Mommy]

Put a baby gate up to keep the 3yo out of the 9yo's room. The 9yo should be tall enough to climb over it. At 9 he's old enough for his space and his things. Doesn't matter if he bought them or not, it's an invasion of his space.

 

Or fix the door. By not calling the handyman, you're sort of creating your own drama on this, since it's a fixable situation.

 

And the 3yo is old enough to know there are places and things he can't just invade. I see this as more of an issue with the 3yo than the 9yo.

[elegantlion]

Is there a way to secure the toys out of reach? I agree with making some available for play, but they are ds's things, whether or not he paid for them. Does he have a good attitude about sharing most of the time? Is there certain things he would allowed to be played with?

 

What about the door is broken? The hinges? the door itself, the framing?

[mommaduck]

baby gate or a little slide lock.

[speedmom4]

The three year old should not be allowed in your son's room unless he is invited. I really think your 9 year old should feel like you are sticking up for him. I know many times when mine were younger I would let the baby get away with things because he/she was cute and didn't know any better. I try to live by the Golden Rule when it comes to my kids. How would I want to be treated if I were the 9 year old. I think your situation can create a lot of resentment on the part of your son. I bet you'll be surprised at how much he will look up to you if you stick up for him.

 

Just my $.02

 

Elise in NC

[Mynyel]

As far as the handyman goes he is rude and inconsiderate. He also doesn't fix things properly. Yes we have complained to the LL, nothing is done. This handy man is contracted by the LL and has been before we moved in (6 years ago).

 

The door screws are stripped. The last time he "fixed" it, all he did was put the screws in at an angle.

 

Anyway the handyman is a PITA and I refuse to call him. I can live with a few things.

 

A gate sounds good. I will just have to do that. My ds3 knows no boundaries. He is my "red headed step child" (No offense meant, I have red heads in the family!).

[Harriet Vane]

I think your older child's feelings are perfectly legitimate. And his toys ARE his toys--they were given to him. It's hurtful and unfair to say otherwise.

 

Put up a baby gate or secure the toys in some way. If necessary, stack two gates one on top of the other and teach your older child how to work them.

 

And start teaching your younger child to NEVER step into his brother's room. He gets the run of the whole house--at 3yo he's old enough to start to learn to respect some appropriate boundaries.

[kalanamak]

Threaten to put the 3 year old in there and co-sleep with the 9 year old. ;)

[RanchGirl]

What about a high shelf or a tote with a strong locking lid to keep special items safe? Then put a few toys he doesn't mind sharing down low to distract. Lil bro will get the same joy of playing in big bro's room, big bro will feel in control and have his personal things untouched.

[RanchGirl]

Also I would call the landlord and tell him that since the hh made the door worse, you're hiring someone else and taking it out of your rent payment. Take pictures and keep receipts.

[MrsJewelsRae]

We are having the same issue with my ds, 2.5, going into my 9 yr old's room when he is not there. I am getting ds a hook and eye to put on the outside of his door out of ds' reach, is this possible with the door being unable to close? IMO, a 2-3 yr old can be old enough to be taught not to touch certain things, but at that age they are often not reliable when left unattended for a bit and there is something so tempting in there! My older ds has lots of lego sets set up on his floor and my 2 yr old got into them a couple times, taking things apart, playing, and 9 yr old gets really upset with him. Toddler is a bit too young to have legos in his room. So hopefully the lock will work to deter the toddler until he is old enough that I can trust him not to go in there w/o asking.

[Teachin'Mine]

Go to the hardware section of Walmart or wherever you shop and ask for things which fix loose screws. :001_huh: There are a few different options, but most are really simple. One option is small wooden cones which are placed in the screw hole. You can fix this easily yourself. :)

 

A working door won't necessarily keep your 3yo out though. I would suggest a high shelf for his special stuff which is off limits to 3yo and/or work with 3yo on asking permission of the 9yo to enter and play with a few items. Since he's not breaking anything, 9yo should be sharing and playing with his little brother at times.

[greenvneck]

What about a simple hook-and-eye latch that could be locked higher on the outside than the little one could reach? Or a different doorknob that has a key so that it could be locked from the inside but you could have the key to unlock from the outside if necessary.

 

Your 9yo shouldn't have to protect his private space from the 3yo. It's not like he is strewing his toys across the living room. If it is his room he should be able to have his stuff out without worrying that a baby is coming in to trash everything.

[LibraryLover]

Short bungee cord attached to two hooks. Door doesn't need to close fully if you can't manage it.

 

Short, tight bungee cords keep my chicken pen doors open so the cuties can go in and out at will without the door slamming shut on them when it's breezy.

 

3 yr olds make a dang mess of big kid stuff.

Edited September 11, 2011 by LibraryLover

[WishboneDawn]

Why does it matter that you don't like the handyman? Call the landlord and arrange to have the door fixed, or fix it yourself.

 

Your child's toys are his if they have been given to him.

 

That would be my option. Depending on why the door won't close it might need new hinges or maybe just a bit of sanding.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

Just fix the door yourself. Go to home depot, lowes, or another hardware store and they can guide you through it.

 

I don't think it's fair to the 9yo unless they were sharing a room, and even then, each kid should have a little space of their own.

 

I think asking 9yo to allow a small space for 3yo is a great idea. The 3yo also needs to get used to 9yo having things that are different, and probably better (in his eyes).

[Alessandra]

Home repair books can guide you through hanging a door. If the screw hole has got too big and the screws are loose, you may not be able to use a larger screw if it is too big to fit flush in the hinge. Then you drill slightly larger holes where the screw holes were and glue hardwood dowel in as a base for new screws.

 

The actual hanging (getting the door to fit & swing correctly) is easy when an experienced person does it and frustrating if it's unfamiliar, but it can be done. Having a package of shims and a good level will help.

[Pretty in Pink]

I would just repair the door myself.

[AK_Mom4]

We dealt with this problem by buying the older child an old steamer-type trunk at a thrift store. DS could put his special things inside the trunk where the 3yo-baby-monster-sister couldn't get them.

[Garga]

I agree that the 9 yo should have "rights" to his toys.

 

I would do a few things:

 

1. Fix the door, or put up a baby gate.

2. Figure out which toys that 9 yo adores and wants off limits to his brother, and then allow 9 yo to keep them off limits from his brother.

3. Teach 9 yo to share the remaining toys with his brother, WHEN brother asks nicely and IF 9 yo says it's ok. 3 yo shouldn't just be helping himself. He should ask, but if 9 yo is in the middle of playing, 9 yo should have the option to say, "You can play with this when I'm done." 3 yo shouldn't just be able to take a toy that 9 yo is in the middle of playing with--3 yo's like to do this. They're not interested, until someone else is playing with it, and THEN they want it. Very irritating to the older child, and not fair to the older child.

4. Make sure toddler has enough of him own toys.

5. If 3 yo likes 9 yo's toys so much and you don't want to have to buy 2 sets of toys, then start being clear when the toys come into the house that the new toys are "for BOTH of you, equally." But still get 9 yo some things for himself and 3 yo some things for HIMself.

 

That's what I would do.