Poll: Boys group WWYD

[meggie]

The homeschooling Yahoo group I belong to is starting a boys activity group. Since Pigby is DESPERATE for friends, I signed him up. I thought it would be similar to the park day, that we would all (me, Pigby, Digby, and Chuck) go, but let Pigby participate in the group, while the youngers and I would be there but hang back.

 

I found out it's more of a "drop him off and pick him up 1 1/2 hours later." Which makes a lot more sense now that I think on it. The first meeting with be a get to know you social, but that's all the interaction I'll have with the other families before I entrust Pigby to them for 1 1/2 hours.

 

Everything about it seems perfect. It's only every other week. There will be a short activity, but the main goal of the group is to let the boys play and socialize. There are 13 boys, ranging from 5-10. He's not the only 5 year old and there are a couple of six year olds too. I've thought about just dropping him off and driving around the neighborhood until Chuck and Digby fall asleep (it's during their naptime) and then parking by the house and reading a book. That's not weird right?

 

So I need the advice of the Hive. If it were your son, would you let him go? Poll to follow.

[Meriwether]

No, not at 5. That is outside my comfort zone. But to put that in perspective, in the 8 years I've been a parent my kids have had babysitters about 10 times. Over half of those times have been with family members. I would probably leave Dd8 and maybe Ds7 at this point. I would not leave Ds4 (almost 5).

[AK_Mom4]

I voted yes, but I would probably try it once before I made a firm committment. My older three are close in age and my oldest would have been fine playing woth other boys for an hour and a half. My middle boy would not have done so well at 5yo.

 

I would give it a try and see. And parking somewhere while the little two nap is totally something I would do.

[*********]

I would not, but that's based on my own past experience with a very similar boy's group.

 

Two years ago, I joined a local homeschool group on yahoo. They started a 'boy's play day', which was either 2 or three hours long (I forget), and it was every other week. They asked that if your boys were younger than 8 that you stay, but older than 8 you were welcome to drop them off and pick them up.

 

Well, I was new to the group, and while I enjoyed the fellowship with the other mom's, the mom's home that we met at (who happened to be the leader of the homeschool group) did not have the same rules/standards as our family *at all*. After a few times, we decided to quit going.

 

I would not have known all the goings on, if you will, had I not been there.

 

Not to mention, there's just no way dh or I would be comfortable leaving our 5 year old (or our 8 year old, for that matter) in the care of someone we don't really know; certainly not someone we had met only once before.

[NanceXToo]

Yes, if he is interested and you get a good vibe at the getting to know you social from the people who will be in charge. But actually if you are interested and worried, I think what I would do and what you should do is just talk to someone in charge and be honest and tell them you're interested but feel funny about leaving a kid that young with people you have only met once and will they be okay with it if you hang out for the first few gatherings to make sure you and he both feel comfortable with it before you start leaving him alone.

 

If they're good with that, great! If they aren't, I'd have second thoughts about wanting to leave him with them.

[meggie]

Yes, if he is interested and you get a good vibe at the getting to know you social from the people who will be in charge. But actually if you are interested and worried, I think what I would do and what you should do is just talk to someone in charge and be honest and tell them you're interested but feel funny about leaving a kid that young with people you have only met once and will they be okay with it if you hang out for the first few gatherings to make sure you and he both feel comfortable with it before you start leaving him alone.

 

If they're good with that, great! If they aren't, I'd have second thoughts about wanting to leave him with them.

 

Oooo, good idea. Thank you

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Yes, if he is interested and you get a good vibe at the getting to know you social from the people who will be in charge. But actually if you are interested and worried, I think what I would do and what you should do is just talk to someone in charge and be honest and tell them you're interested but feel funny about leaving a kid that young with people you have only met once and will they be okay with it if you hang out for the first few gatherings to make sure you and he both feel comfortable with it before you start leaving him alone.

 

If they're good with that, great! If they aren't, I'd have second thoughts about wanting to leave him with them.

 

:iagree:

[TKDmom]

I'd take him and hang out with them for the first few weeks until ds and I were both comfortable with me dropping him off. If the leaders had a problem with me staying, I probably wouldn't come back.

[Samiam]

Heck to the no.

Not at age 5.

Not with that wide range of ages...5-10....that is a huge world of difference...I know, I know, we HS'ers like to blend age groups, get it, do it, but when I am there. There is just too big of a developmental gap between a 5 and 10 year old boy.

 

8-10, I could see leaving for a few hours, with a parent I knew. Age 5, noooope.

[catz]

I picked other (weird me). I think I might stay and observe for a couple weeks if you didn't know the other kids/families/adults involved well. I have a 10 year old son and he's like the pied piper of 5 and 6 year old boys and would make a great playmate! So I wouldn't be super worried about the age range. I would just want to know that the dynamic would be good for him. My son goes to a playgroup where the only other boys are 4 and 7 and he gets along great with both of them. Other than that, sounds great to me!

[MamaJo]

I'd need more information before I could decide. Where are they meeting? How many adults? If I were comfortable with the answers to my questions, then yes.

[Unicorn.]

Yes, if he is interested and you get a good vibe at the getting to know you social from the people who will be in charge. But actually if you are interested and worried, I think what I would do and what you should do is just talk to someone in charge and be honest and tell them you're interested but feel funny about leaving a kid that young with people you have only met once and will they be okay with it if you hang out for the first few gatherings to make sure you and he both feel comfortable with it before you start leaving him alone.

 

If they're good with that, great! If they aren't, I'd have second thoughts about wanting to leave him with them.

 

:iagree:

[Tess in the Burbs]

Do you know any of the parents involved? Or who is leading this group?

 

My dd was invited to an art group this spring. I knew one other girl in the group and her mom. It was drop off. I declined. My dd was 7. In the next month I met 2 more of the families involved and felt more comfortable with the group. I asked to let her participate and they had room. We met all the other parents that first week(before AND after) and now it's her main group of friends.

 

My only hesitation with your group is the ages. 5-10 is a WIDE range for boys. Completely different interests and maturities.....would they consider breaking into 2 groups....5-7 and 8-10? That makes more sense for the boys sake. My almost 10 year old HATES hanging out with 5 year old boys who come with their sisters to play with my dd......

 

but you aren't crazy for thinking it's too young and you don't know any others in the group. Go meet them. Stay the fist week or two. Then if it feels right drop him off. but if you have doubts don't do it. Trust your gut.

[Katiebug_1976]

This is a HUGE red flag for me! I would never drop my child off to spend 1 1/2 hours with people I didn't know or had only met once (I don't care how long I had talked to them online). I would think that there should not be a problem w/ mom & younger siblings hanging around in the background.

[Parrothead]

I sent dd to Sunday school at 5. It was an hour once a week. I wouldn't have had a problem with an hour and a half. If it is well supervised and the 9- and 10-year olds aren't running over the littler kids I'd give it a try.

[SonshineLearner]

Could you get a babysitter (or trade with a friend) and stay? To have the little ones there might not work, but to have an extra mom... seems like that'd be good? That's what I'd do if I could. :)

[meggie]

Thank you all for your input.

 

There is only one 9 year old and one 10 year old. Most of the kids are 7-8. Every activity will be hosted at a different house, so it's not one mom in charge of everything. I emailed the lady organizing. She said if I'm uncomfortable leaving him, I can contact the mom hosting and work something out. I think I will probably do that for a few weeks and see how it goes. Maybe the moms of the younger kids would like to split off. We'll see. I just desperately want something to work out for him. He wants friends so badly and nothing with the people nearby is working.

[Night Elf]

I said yes. I had children going to Kindergarten at that age. Goodness, they went to public school preK at age 4 as well. The time away from me wouldn't be an issue.

 

My possible issues: If it's a mandatory drop-off group, I would ask why and decide if their answer makes sense. For example, if it's a drop-off at someone's house and the only people there are 1 set of parents, that would set off my creep-o-meter. Also, would I know them? Are these total strangers or people from the group I've been involved in with some time?

 

ETA: My son was in a boys only class when he 6 or 7 years old. It was a big organization though and run by my church. The teacher was an awesome man and Jeffrey really, really loved that class. They had a big age range like that too. They did activities each week that could be modified for different ages. He's now 15 years old and he still has a large picture hanging on his wall that he drew and colored in that class. It's of Noah's Ark, but it has jet fighter planes in the sky and submarines in the ocean. LOL He was very interested in such things at that time. The teacher commented on how creative he was and that he thought God would love that picture.

Edited August 22, 2011 by Night Elf

[HeidiKC]

I wouldn't worry about any of these people being creeps or anything, but more that there might be issues with big kids or parents that just weren't as responsive or helpful as you'd like.

 

I would think they've got it set up for drop-off to give the moms a break, and/or because they don't want a bunch of siblings around. Too many kids in the house, especially if they at toddlers.

 

It seems like it'd just be perfect if you could find someone to watch your little ones and then stay with your 5yo.

[ktgrok]

I would, as long as your son is ok with being left. But I would do exactly like you say, and drive around so the babies fall asleep, then park near the house. I've done that before, recently in fact. I parked at a shopping plaza a few minutes away and read a book and drank a soda. It was nice!

 

I would just make sure that multiple people know how to contact you if there is a problem and that you trust them to do so.

[DawnL]

My youngest will be 5 next month, and although he would likely be okay in this situation, I would not be okay leaving him with people I didn't really know. It makes me remember that Cub Scouts that are in the Tiger Den, which is the youngest boys, in 1st grade, at age 6, the Cub Scouts requires each boy have a parent with them. The biggest reason as that they are little and squirelly at that age. A bunch of boys that age is too much for one adult to handle.

 

My oldest ds will be 8 in November. We think he has Aspergers and he would not do well without my direct supervision at all.

[woolybear]

Yes, if he is interested and you get a good vibe at the getting to know you social from the people who will be in charge. But actually if you are interested and worried, I think what I would do and what you should do is just talk to someone in charge and be honest and tell them you're interested but feel funny about leaving a kid that young with people you have only met once and will they be okay with it if you hang out for the first few gatherings to make sure you and he both feel comfortable with it before you start leaving him alone.

 

If they're good with that, great! If they aren't, I'd have second thoughts about wanting to leave him with them.

:iagree: My thoughts exactly.

[Denisemomof4]

wow, that's awfully young. I'd never leave a child that age with someone I didn't know VERY well. I don't even know if I'd ever leave a child that young!

 

I'm *REALLY* surprised that the people who run this group want it to be a drop off your kid and run group. In all my years of homeschooling, every group wants parental involvement and supervision. Maybe they're doing this so the younger kids aren't there interacting? What is their reason?

[RahRah]

I voted yes in error - I meant to vote other.....I'd be okay dropping DS off when he was five IF I knew the adults supervising and was comfortable with them and how they were going to be managing the group.

 

The issue I see with the group you're considering is the wide range of age - five to ten is a HUGE span for little boys...their likes and dislikes can be very different, how they play very different and what they want to do very different. Now if the group plans to have ideas to manage that age gap effectively, then dropping off is a maybe.

 

I see the age difference as being an issue if the kids are left to their own devices more than if they're given ideas and fun things to do together - in a situation where they're guided, it can be a great thing for youngers and olders to play together....cub scouts is a good example of this - 1st to 5th do lots of things together.....but that is managed by advance planning so the olders don't get bored and the youngers don't get hurt, ykwim?

 

My DS started playing with the neighbor kids last year when he was six - they're nine - and while they're all happy and good together when they're doing things like riding bikes, the situation changes when they're looking to play games or do other things - at nine, they're just very different than a six year old and they and DS don't have as much fun and winds up getting hurt because he isn't nine, so he's not as physically adept as they are, so doesn't necessarily have the same experience to do things they do. At this point we let DS ride bikes with them, but tend to limit other get togethers unless they're supervised by their parents or us.

[meggie]

wow, that's awfully young. I'd never leave a child that age with someone I didn't know VERY well. I don't even know if I'd ever leave a child that young!

 

I'm *REALLY* surprised that the people who run this group want it to be a drop off your kid and run group. In all my years of homeschooling, every group wants parental involvement and supervision. Maybe they're doing this so the younger kids aren't there interacting? What is their reason?

 

Their reason is that if all the siblings were there, the number would jump to 29 kids.

[RanchGirl]

I would get a sitter for the littles and take your 5yo and stay to watch the dynamic for at least the first 3-4 weeks. Then decide if you are comfortable with him staying alone or you want to continue observing.