Would you consider homeschooling another person's child with yours?

[Dmmetler]

One of DD's friends is absolutely miserable in 2nd grade PS. This is a kid who enjoyed K and 1st, and honestly is a teacher's dream come true-she even got along well with the dance teacher my DD absolutely hated. She's crying every day and refusing to go.

 

In our state, as long as the parent is "directing the instruction" it is allowed to use outsourced classes, private tutors and the like, and I am a certified teacher.

 

My DD is ahead of this other girl in reading and math, but reading is largely individualized anyway, and since I'm using Sonlight for history, it wouldn't be all that hard to put together book boxes that would be appropriate for each girl. They could do read-alouds together. Math would need to be separate, but science could be combined, and I suspect Spanish could as well (I don't know that the other child would be interested in Latin or Greek). The other child could easily go with us to co-op and some of our other homeschool activities, and the girls are already in the same extracurriculars most of the week, so it would be easy to take her with us and then have her parents pick her up there. Since DD did 2nd grade content in math last year, I'd only need SM workbooks, and I have a lot of literature books. I've got Teacher File Box, so I can print off a lot of extras.

 

DD has been complaining about not doing school with other kids and not having a class, so I suspect she'd LOVE having another 2nd grader around.

 

I can't see the other parents going for HSing long-term, but this might give them a breathing room to figure out what the problem is and look at other options (charters, private schools, apply for school choice programs) for next year. The parents really can't HS on their own-at least, not without having the girl in child care of some form during the day, because they have an older child with special needs, and the mother's job is what is providing for that son's care and benefits, while the father's job is paying day to day bills.

 

Is this insane to even consider?

[Tiberia]

You could offer a 30-day trial period. If it's not working, you should know by then. I don't think it's crazy, if it's something you want to do.

[FourOaks]

I personally would definitely consider it.

[Ester Maria]

Personally, I would think about the changing dynamic of your relationship with this child / family - I would really follow my instincts there. There are people who, no matter how good friends, are not to be done "business" with, especially not of the kind which involves raising their children (effectively). You would have to check with the parents that you are on the same page regarding expectations, what you wish to do, your general parenting / conflict solving / day to day issues philosophy; then there are potential nutrition issues, money issues and a whole other set of things which one takes upon oneself when they take another person's child in such a commitment. There are situations where it may work fantastically, but I would err on the side of caution here and consider all of these parameters.

 

Also, keep in mind that you have a gifted / accelerated child. The dynamic between children might change if they were to learn together constantly and the gap was too wide while they are of the same age - young children can be somewhat fragile and sensitive to these issues. It is all fine while they are friends, but an active learning together on a daily basis might change the dynamic, so it is an importrant thing to keep in mind. Is the gap and your daughter's accelerated performance something this child could have "in your face" on a daily basis if she is an average student or behind your daughter in core subjects?

Edited August 19, 2011 by Ester Maria

[catz]

I was going to say absolutely not. But given that you only have 1 child who is craving more social, and the child is a "teacher's dream", I think it might be worth a 30 day trial if you're up for it. I'd make sure they are at least covering expenses though.

[JessieC]

I think I would give it a try. Sounds like an ideal situation.

[Dmmetler]

 

Also, keep in mind that you have a gifted / accelerated child. The dynamic between children might change if they were to learn together constantly and the gap was too wide while they are of the same age - young children can be somewhat fragile and sensitive to these issues. It is all fine while they are friends, but an active learning together on a daily basis might change the dynamic, so it is an importrant thing to keep in mind. Is the gap and your daughter's accelerated performance something this child could have "in your face" on a daily basis if she is an average student or behind your daughter in core subjects?

 

 

This is a concern for me as well-but, at the same time, this girl is more advanced than DD in every single extracurricular they're in together-she's just plain more physically adept and picks up on dance and tumbling skills more quickly. And so far, that hasn't been a problem between the girls. I KNOW DD's friends are aware DD is more advanced than they are academically, and it really doesn't seem to bother them. This little group of four almost reminds me of the classic group in a movie, where you have the smart one (DD), the athletic, action one (DD's friend who might be homeschooling with us), the funny one, the pretty one, and so on-they really do fit into those kind of "central casting" roles-and DD is easily as accepted as the "smart one" in this real world group as seems to happen in Hollywood.

[Forget-Me-Not]

I seriously considered offering to do this for a friend of mine this year. She is going through a nasty divorce and must work full time and in the meantime her daughter was just . . . wilting. . . in public school. I thought about telling her to sign her up through a homeschool charter and I'd just keep her every day and help with her work.

 

I had serious reservations about how would affect our dynamics here, just to have another kid here everyday. I like it when it's just us here and I like that we have the freedom to pick up and go anytime we want (we go meet daddy for lunch at least 3-4 times a month for example) and having someone else's kid here would have changed that. It turned out to be a non-issue because they moved, and I kind of doubt that she would have even taken me up on the offer anyway. It just hurt my heart to see how much her daughter was struggling. Hopefully she'll do better in their new place.

[kalanamak]

I'd love to have a decent match of a peer to teach kiddo with. It is not like you have a house of 5 with a toddler underfoot.

[Pretty in Pink]

If I only had one child I would consider it, yes.

[grace'smom]

Personally, I would think about the changing dynamic of your relationship with this child / family - I would really follow my instincts there. There are people who, no matter how good friends, are not to be done "business" with, especially not of the kind which involves raising their children (effectively). You would have to check with the parents that you are on the same page regarding expectations, what you wish to do, your general parenting / conflict solving / day to day issues philosophy; then there are potential nutrition issues, money issues and a whole other set of things which one takes upon oneself when they take another person's child in such a commitment. There are situations where it may work fantastically, but I would err on the side of caution here and consider all of these parameters.

 

Also, keep in mind that you have a gifted / accelerated child. The dynamic between children might change... ?

 

 

:iagree: I had a similar situation this past year. We decided we would help our neighbors down the street by watching their DD after school. Nice neighbors, the kids had been friends since they were toddlers, happy family... We thought it would be a great fit for everyone (DD would have a buddy after school and her friend would have a family atmosphere after school). Well, about a month into the school year the parents told us they were getting a divorce. The little girl began having emotional issues and was very passive aggressive and mean toward my daughter. The parents began battling it out in court and things got really ugly. At one point, the father took out a completely false restraining order on the mother (and that's just ONE of the things that went on that I really didn't want to know about). When I found out about that I told them I couldn't watch their daughter anymore because it was just too crazy for me and my daughter was being affected by it. This family had seemed completely happy and stable and we had NO idea what was happening behind closed doors. I tried to cut things off as best I could but I still ended up getting dragged into court (the father had a subpoena taped to my front door and I could not decline to testify) as a witness in their divorce battle. It has been the worst experience I've had in a long time. It put strains on our family having to explain to our daughter things we did not want her to know about, having to struggle between our desire to help our daughter's friend (who was caught in the middle of her parents), and our need to protect our own daughter from emotional harm.

 

So, that's my story of caution. It was a hard lesson for us.

Edited August 20, 2011 by grace'smom

[Renthead Mommy]

Since today, I once again, can barely see homeschooling mine, then no. That's one of those questions I'd have to answer only on certain days.

[NotSoObvious]

You're a teacher, you get the dynamics multiple children can create, you know how to differentiate and multi-task. I had several offers like this last year, but said no to them all because it was our first year homeschooling. If we still lived in our old state (we just moved) I would have said yes to about 2 of the 8 families who asked me. I knew which kids I couldn't handle. :) One of the reasons I loved the transition to homeschooling was the focus on my own kids and doing things in our own time. I know which kids/families would fit in well and which ones I wouldn't touch with a 10 ft pole. :)

[Vicki]

I have homeschooled our mailman's daughter, my middle son's best friend, and my nephew. I would do it again if I prayed about and felt that was what God wanted me to do.

God bless,

Vicki

[AngelBee]

I personally would definitely consider it.

 

Me too. Actually in similar position.

[AngelBee]

I have homeschooled our mailman's daughter, my middle son's best friend, and my nephew. I would do it again if I prayed about and felt that was what God wanted me to do.

God bless,

Vicki

 

That is so sweet! :)

[JennyD]

Personally, just the thought of homeschooling someone else's child makes me want to take a nap, but I'm not a K-12 teacher. Presumably you have a much better idea of what it would entail, and it does sound like the situation might have some advantages.

 

However, this gives me pause:

 

This little group of four almost reminds me of the classic group in a movie, where you have the smart one (DD), the athletic, action one (DD's friend who might be homeschooling with us), the funny one, the pretty one, and so on-they really do fit into those kind of "central casting" roles-and DD is easily as accepted as the "smart one" in this real world group as seems to happen in Hollywood.

 

I think that you'd have to work very hard to make sure that these roles don't become self-fulfilling prophecies. I imagine that schoolteachers always have to consciously try to transcend this kind of thinking (and IME, they frequently, if understandably, fail, which is a big reason why we homeschool), but I have to think that it would be exponentially harder when one of the children is your own.

[Hen]

I homeschool a friend's son who had learning disabilities, could not read in 2nd grade and was refusing/having meltdowns about going to school. It has worked out well for us, he is the same age as my son. I bundle some subjects together with the youngest 3.

 

It has changed the dynamics with my 2 youngest kids, my son now plays with my bonus student and not so much my daughter. This has made me sad. It has also changed the dynamics with my son and his dad doing dad/son stuff while his friend is here. My husband is not real happy about this, but we feel our bonus student needs us right now.

 

Helpful: she lets me pick out all the curriculum, he is along for the ride. She buys anything I need for just him, like workbooks, stuff I combine, I do not ask for money. -She backs me up on what I ask of him. -He has to do the work I give him and attend homeschool or he does not get to do the fun stuff we plan like skatepark or beachday. She backs me up on this. -she pays me a reasonable fee, this is so what I do does not become taken for granted, it is the same fee she was going to pay the public school for afterschool care. (I have him for school and after until she gets off work)

 

I would have a talk with her parents first and outline what it is you do, how you would homeschool, what materials you would use, if she needs to be enrolled in a charter first, how she will be evaluated. Talk it all out first, before letting the kids in on it.

 

it can work, but it also can get a bit messy. For us, it has worked.

[LibraryLover]

Nope. I've been asked and there is no way.

 

No.

[Joanne]

I did for about 4 years.

[DianeW88]

Not in a billion years. I have been asked by others and the answer is always "no". I do not want to change or ruin the dynamic of our friendship. At the least...it will be changed, at the worst...destroyed. I've seen it happen with others.

[jujsky]

I haven't read the other posts. I would consider it, but only under very specific circumstances. First off, it would have to be a child who got along well with my children. It sounds like this is the case with your DD and this girl. I would also have to know the parents well. They would have to agree with my method of teaching and the curriculum I use. Also, I would have to be paid, even if it was a good friend. People value things more when they pay for them. I would not want to fall into the trap of being a free baby-sitter/educator. I've heard of tales here where that's happened to people and it can be difficult to extract yourself from that situation. Not only would I have to be paid, but I would want a written agreement listing my duties as an educator/baby-sitter and my hours. It's not something I would want to lose a friendship over so I would set it up and treat it as a business arrangement, even if I loved the child and family to pieces.

 

Teaching 2 children in the same grades with different ability levels isn't necessarily easy either. My kids are in the same grades and sometimes it's like teaching two different grade-levels.

[MusicMama]

I haven't read all the other posts, as it is getting very late. But I am currently "homeschooling" one of my daughter's friends who is 3. She comes over twice a week for 3 hours. Of course, I don't have to worry about the legality, because she isn't school age. I knew the family very well, and offered to open my home, because well, I really wanted to buy AAS and other curriculum for my kids, and her tuition payment pays for all that and more. :D And because she is a smart girl, with a good family, and I thought it would be fun.

 

1. It has almost been a month, and she will still interrupt the pledge, or science experiment, or nature walk with "Can I go play dress up?" Separating playing with Babs, and learning with Babs, has been difficult for her 3yo mind. I just constantly and gently remind her that, "We are doing school right now, play is after snack."

 

2. My kids love learning almost as much as I love teaching, so we are a great fit. H is not used for focusing for an eternity, like 10 minutes. I think she is used to a more child-directed learning environment. My kids pick the destination, but I steer the ship, KWIM?

 

3. H's mom loves what I do, and lets me do what I want. If that ever changed, the arrangement would have to go. Ultimately, this is about and for my kids, so I will do it my way.

 

So in my experience, the danger might be in two friends learning together and seeing the meetings as playdates, but that might be easier for an older child to distinguish. Also, any bad feelings about learning, or bad habits might bleed over to your kids. Or she may pick up on your DC healthy attitudes about school. So far, that has been the case with me. And be CRYSTAL clear with the parents about what curriculum you use. Surprises are bad. Oh, and I found a day-care agreement form, and we both signed on for a semester, then re-evaluate. Good luck, I'm having fun!

[phathui5]

I would do it.

[Negin]

Nope. I've been asked and there is no way.

No.

Although we have two children, I would never do it. Not even if we only had one.

We've thought about it and have been asked twice.

So glad, in retrospect that we didn't do this. It would have been a disaster on both occasions, and yet, at the time, seemed quite appealing.