Aack! questioned by family in law about homeschooling.

[ktgrok]

My husband's Aunt (and closest living family member...his parents and grandparents have all died), questioned my husband about homeschooling on facebook today, implying that one needs a teaching degree, and that by homeschooling you are devaluing the teaching degree others have. And of course, asked about social skills. These are my replies...did I do ok???

 

"If I had to teach a whole classroom, with different learning styles and abilities, different needs and backgrounds, I'd definitely want and need a teaching degree! But to tutor one child, that I know very well, is a different ball of wax. I don't reinvent the wheel though; I greedily make use of materials from various experts....our history, grammar, writing, and literature list come from a professor at William and Mary, and our Math curriculum is designed by a Finnish math instructor (whose test scores are at the top of the world right now). I feel comfortable putting our Science courses together myself, with my science background. I am a bit of a curriculum junkie and spend way too much time/money at various publisher websites."

 

 

"Depends if you mean socialization or socializing. Socialization, the process of learning the values, norms, behavior and skills of one's culture is something I feel is best learned from being around adult members of the culture. Expecting children to learn those things from other children seems a bit like the Lord of the Flies. Now, I do think kids need time to socialize, and to that purpose he plays with friends in the neighborhood every day afterschool, attends a park day once a week with our homeschool group, will be going on field trips 1-2 times a month, and will participate in service projects once a month. We are also looking into 4-H."

 

"There is a LARGE homeschool population in florida. We have some of the worst schools in the country, and I don't see that changing soon. It isn't the teachers that are the problem, it is the system. The teachers do the best they can with what they have. The one that evaluated Michael's portfolio this year said she wished she could homeschool her kids. She was jealous that we actually do social studies....she said that if her principal walked into her classroom and caught her teaching social studies she would actually get in trouble. She is supposed to just work on making sure everyone passes the end of year standardized test. (just wanted to clarify I highly respect teachers, I just think they are in an unworkable situation here). We also don't fund our schools very well at all."

 

I'm hoping my emphasis on things being so bad here will help, as she lives in Ohio, and we are in Florida.

 

Was I too over the top? Oh, and my husband posted also and was very very supportive of me homeschooling, I love that man! He even remembered the names of most of the curriculum we use!

[Tiberia]

Awesome responses! You did great.

 

I'd add a compliment like, "We appreciate that you care so much about our family's education..." or something like that. If she's open-minded even a little bit, she could end up as a strong supporter of your hs'ing. (My parents both saw the light after only one year.)

[Mynyel]

I think you did awesome!

 

You laid it out well.

 

If it were me, which it isn't :D, but it if were I would not really engage any further. You have explained you positions well. If it isn't accepted at this point there isn't going to be much you can do to change minds. Just my $.02.

[Jennifer3141]

I agree with everyone else. You did a GREAT job!!

 

If she doesn't take what you've taught her - walk away. You will not be able to change her mind and she lives 2000 miles away.

[arghmatey]

I think it was very kind of gracious of you to give her any response at all. You are a blessing to your husband!

 

ETA: *kind and gracious

Edited August 16, 2011 by arghmatey

[LaxMom]

I think it was very kind of gracious of you to give her any response at all. You are a blessing to your husband!

 

I was thinking the same. I generally don't answer things like that; they've already come to a <ill-informed> conclusion and it's not worth the aggravation to try to modify their perceptions.

[LG Gone Wild]

That was a lot of information to give her. It sounded a little defensive but I understand you were trying to be gracious and polite.

 

I would have asked her first to clarify what she meant by socialization and how she thought homeschooling devalued teaching degrees (or teachers) before answering.

[myfunnybunch]

by homeschooling you are devaluing the teaching degree others have.

 

You did great. And I am :confused::001_huh::confused: At the above comment. Does she think we're somehow obligated to send children to school because teachers went through the trouble and expense of getting a teaching degree? By that reasoning, we should always hire a plumber instead of unclogging our own drains and always hire an accountant instead of doing our own taxes.

 

Cat

[LG Gone Wild]

You did great. And I am :confused::001_huh::confused: At the above comment. Does she think we're somehow obligated to send children to school because teachers went through the trouble and expense of getting a teaching degree? By that reasoning, we should always hire a plumber instead of unclogging our own drains and always hire an accountant instead of doing our own taxes.

 

Cat

 

Yes, thank you for putting it that way.

[Scarlett]

You did great. And I am :confused::001_huh::confused: At the above comment. Does she think we're somehow obligated to send children to school because teachers went through the trouble and expense of getting a teaching degree? By that reasoning, we should always hire a plumber instead of unclogging our own drains and always hire an accountant instead of doing our own taxes.

Cat

 

:lol:

[silliness7]

My husband's Aunt (and closest living family member...his parents and grandparents have all died), questioned my husband about homeschooling on facebook today, implying that one needs a teaching degree, and that by homeschooling you are devaluing the teaching degree others have. And of course, asked about social skills. These are my replies...did I do ok???

 

"If I had to teach a whole classroom, with different learning styles and abilities, different needs and backgrounds, I'd definitely want and need a teaching degree! But to tutor one child, that I know very well, is a different ball of wax. I don't reinvent the wheel though; I greedily make use of materials from various experts....our history, grammar, writing, and literature list come from a professor at William and Mary, and our Math curriculum is designed by a Finnish math instructor (whose test scores are at the top of the world right now). I feel comfortable putting our Science courses together myself, with my science background. I am a bit of a curriculum junkie and spend way too much time/money at various publisher websites."

 

 

"Depends if you mean socialization or socializing. Socialization, the process of learning the values, norms, behavior and skills of one's culture is something I feel is best learned from being around adult members of the culture. Expecting children to learn those things from other children seems a bit like the Lord of the Flies. Now, I do think kids need time to socialize, and to that purpose he plays with friends in the neighborhood every day afterschool, attends a park day once a week with our homeschool group, will be going on field trips 1-2 times a month, and will participate in service projects once a month. We are also looking into 4-H."

 

"There is a LARGE homeschool population in florida. We have some of the worst schools in the country, and I don't see that changing soon. It isn't the teachers that are the problem, it is the system. The teachers do the best they can with what they have. The one that evaluated Michael's portfolio this year said she wished she could homeschool her kids. She was jealous that we actually do social studies....she said that if her principal walked into her classroom and caught her teaching social studies she would actually get in trouble. She is supposed to just work on making sure everyone passes the end of year standardized test. (just wanted to clarify I highly respect teachers, I just think they are in an unworkable situation here). We also don't fund our schools very well at all."

 

I'm hoping my emphasis on things being so bad here will help, as she lives in Ohio, and we are in Florida.

 

Was I too over the top? Oh, and my husband posted also and was very very supportive of me homeschooling, I love that man! He even remembered the names of most of the curriculum we use!

 

You did a GREAT job!!! :001_smile:

[Night Elf]

The only thing I would have added is that I'm complying with the state laws with regards to homeschooling.

 

But IMHO, you won't change her mind. People see what they want to see and believe what they want to believe. They have to be open to change and acceptance and no amount of reasoning will persuade them from their position if they have both feet planted in the ground. My exhusband and his wife are both teachers and have openly told me that I'm ruining my children's lives and that even if the system is flawed, it knows better how to prepare students for life after high school then I could possibly do. His wife told me that I might think I'm doing something good for them, but in the long run my children will hate me because they won't be educated like everyone else. If dumbed down is the norm, I should strive for them to be part of the norm so they fit in. Um yeah, really.

[jewellsmommy]

I think it was a wonderful way to respond. :001_smile:

 

Were her initial statements out of sheer ignorance or did she seem to have an agenda? Did you sense a shift of attitude or change of heart after your explanations? Just curious. :D

[jewellsmommy]

You did great. And I am :confused::001_huh::confused: At the above comment. Does she think we're somehow obligated to send children to school because teachers went through the trouble and expense of getting a teaching degree? By that reasoning, we should always hire a plumber instead of unclogging our own drains and always hire an accountant instead of doing our own taxes.

 

Cat

 

Very good way of looking at it.

[Jean in Newcastle]

You did great, but she may reject all you say with no regard to any sort of logic. Be prepared to pass the beandip.

[ktgrok]

I think it was a wonderful way to respond. :001_smile:

 

Were her initial statements out of sheer ignorance or did she seem to have an agenda? Did you sense a shift of attitude or change of heart after your explanations? Just curious. :D

 

I'm not sure...probably partly ignorance. She said she had heard that they have dances in highschool for homeschooled kids, but didn't understand how they get the daily social skills they need. I THINK she might be a teacher herself, but I'm not sure. She also said something about "why waste the money and time on a degree when you can just do it without it" which I took to mean that she felt we were devaluing the teaching profession. Maybe I was too defensive, and she wasn't being sarcastic. They are nice people, and she did comment that our son sounds very smart...but more in a "he must be a genius to do so well when he doesn't have a real teacher" way than a "wow, you are doing a good job way." My mom actually jumped in to kind of defend me....saying she felt sure that her "National Merit Scholar bookworm of a daughter" had it covered. But then she said how good it was I wasn't homeschooled because I was so shy. She still feels I like social skills......when in reality I would have LOVED being homeschooled, hated regular school, and have good enough social skills to be a receptionist in a busy medical environment for 13 years...during which time I was assigned to all the difficult client problems, and was the official mediator for interoffice conflicts because I was the best person at dealing with hard situations without hurting anyone's feelings. I also regularly have people ask my advice in how to handle something diplomatically. And yet my mom and sister still think I have no clue about social interaction. :glare:

 

Of course, my mother is a whole other issue anyway....she said yesterday I need to watch out for homeschool kids because most of them were kicked out of school because they don't have social skills. When I explained that the kids I know left voluntarily, partly because of bullying issues..some so bad that one kid had his life threatened, she just said "well, what did they do to start it?"

 

We need WAY more bean dip!

[mommyofthree]

"Depends if you mean socialization or socializing. Socialization, the process of learning the values, norms, behavior and skills of one's culture is something I feel is best learned from being around adult members of the culture. Expecting children to learn those things from other children seems a bit like the Lord of the Flies. Now, I do think kids need time to socialize, and to that purpose he plays with friends in the neighborhood every day afterschool, attends a park day once a week with our homeschool group, will be going on field trips 1-2 times a month, and will participate in service projects once a month. We are also looking into 4-H."

 

QUOTE]

 

Excellent response. Excellent tone.

[ktgrok]

Wow, she just told me that she really thinks it is great that I stay home with the kids. She was a stay at home mom, and her DIL is, and she really respects that. She just friended me on Facebook! I guess it was ignorance, not antipathy!

[jewellsmommy]

Wow, she just told me that she really thinks it is great that I stay home with the kids. She was a stay at home mom, and her DIL is, and she really respects that. She just friended me on Facebook! I guess it was ignorance, not antipathy!

 

:D Sounds like a happy ending.

[catz]

Rockstar answer! :thumbup1:

[catz]

Wow, she just told me that she really thinks it is great that I stay home with the kids. She was a stay at home mom, and her DIL is, and she really respects that. She just friended me on Facebook! I guess it was ignorance, not antipathy!

 

I think it OFTEN is. When I first decided to homeschool, I told a neighbor that has a daughter (her oldest) my younger child's age (they were 3 at the time). Her and her husband are PS teachers by trade. She gave me a much harder time than anyone else. I was actually surprised, because of their particular parenting style. But she asked lots of questions, grilled me, and raked me over the coals.

 

She's now a homeschooler too! :D I think people have these lock step reactions and once they hear you actually have some method behind the madness, they quickly come around. Yay for you!