Yet another s/o: Wearing makeup/doing hair to make yourself feel better?

[-M-]

I've only skimmed this and the related threads, so forgive any repetition.

 

I've found that putting on a decent outfit (a shirt and jeans, a skirt and blouse, pants and a sweater), applying a bit of make-up, and sporting a good hair cut make me feel "good to go." For me, it's the equivalent of getting ready for work.

 

I've certainly gone through the day in monkey pajamas or overalls, but I approach most days as if I'm getting ready for work: make the bed, exercise, eat a good breakfast, groom, dress... good to go.

 

Being prepared in that way does make me feel good about myself -- fresh, put together, ready for the day.

 

I saw something about Botox, etc. in your OP. That's not my thing, but looking as if I could run to the library or talk with the neighbor over the fence or even (GASP!) get in a photo with the kids is.

[melissel]

One last thing with all the mention of earrings. Here's a quote from a Nora Roberts novel..can't remember which one, but it seemed appropriate for this thread...

 

"Earrings are like org*sms. You can never have too many."

 

:D

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

:iagree: There is the implication (even in this thread someone posted it) that you must have problems to care how you look. :001_huh: There is definitely a holier-than-thou "I spend every single second on my family, so I can't even find a moment to shower" vibe in some local homeschool/ mothering circles I've been in. There is sometimes a contest to see who can care the least about their appearance, housework, etc., too.

 

Really? I didn't see the implication at all (actually was kind of feeling the opposite), but I truly hope it did not come from me in this thread. If you felt that I gave that vibe off, can you please show me where so I can clarify? I have no problem at all with people caring how they look. My DH is a very handsome guy who has a lot of pride in his appearance, and I often wish I knew how to take better care of myself and didn't have sensory issues so I could change some things up. I love bangles too, but wearing them drives me nuts :lol:

 

As for the rest, I have not experienced that at all, but then again I tend to stick pretty closely to my little circle because we have a very similar mindset. That's really unfortunate :(

[MrsMe]

According to who? Better how?

 

 

 

Why? It was a request that came from a husband requiring that the wife make changes in her daily life. In order to make them, she'd need to adjust her comfort level, expend more of an effort, do something she doesn't feel is necessary, etc., and her husband is frustrated with that. My husband feels the same way about the things I asked him to do, and I am frustrated with that. You may find an unkempt appearance a turn-off. I don't. Feeling ignored and like I was cleaning up after a third child created a lot of resentment, and THAT is huge turn-off for me. However, I love him for who he is and managed to overcome those feelings. IMO, requests for a change in appearance are on the same level.

 

Anyway, this is not where I was trying to go with my question. I understand that appearance matters to different levels for different people. It matters a fair amount to me, as a matter of fact (WRT to my own appearance, I mean, not others'). I was trying to understand a separate, though related, issue.

 

I think we're getting off on a tangent here that wasn't meant to be. Your question is that you don't understand that would women really do it for herself? Yes and no.

 

I feel better if I took the time to do so. So I made an analogy that you feel better if you brush your teeth and wash your face. Yes! That's it.

 

Once you feel better about yourself, it's reciprocated. My dh compliments me, my dd compliments me. So in essence it starts out doing it so I don't feel schlumpy and tired, lazy and sloppy all day and it comes back through my family. So then yes, you see the results and end up doing it for both you and your family.

 

My neighbor mentioned when she got out of those clothes she got better results including her feeling better about herself. It's kinda funny with men. They're more apt to do things for you when you present yourself or do things for them and that includes looking good. I mean this respectfully as I don't know anything about how you dress, but maybe if your dh sees that you care about how you look to him, he'll care about what he can do for you? Maybe not, but like I said, men are funny. May not be fair, but when women make an effort, so do husbands. They are driven by sight.

 

So what I'm saying is that it doesn't take a lot to look good. Comfy is good! Just don't make them cut off sweats. T-shirt is good! Make it a woman's t-shirt. It takes just as long to dress like a schlump than it does to put on nice comfy clothes.

 

What happens is that people around you change. You start out doing it so you feel good, but when you feel good, so do others!

 

So you want to be in sweats? Go ahead! Make it once a week instead of daily! Little changes. You don't have to be uncomfortable, you don't have to be a Barbie.

 

When you look good you feel good. Do you feel good if you have monster breath? Heck no! We may not talk to someone. If we brush, we do!

[MrsMe]

I saw something about Botox, etc. in your OP. That's not my thing, but looking as if I could run to the library or talk with the neighbor over the fence or even (GASP!) get in a photo with the kids is.

 

Me either. Not a botox person. God gave me what he gave me and it's up to me to do the best with it.

[Parrothead]

 

I love beautiful things. I appreciate making myself and my environment pleasant and lovely to look at. Am I good at it? Let's just say I'm a work in progress. :D

 

As I wrote on one of the I put on Lipstick today thread....I realized a few years ago that the image my boys were going to remember of me was of an overweight slob. I shaped up...losing 20lbs and keeping 15 off.(I could stand to lose 25 more, so I'm not a skinny thing yet.) Exercise, which I love, became a daily ritual. A touch of mascara, moisturizer, and earrings were what I did every day. I tossed out the slobby tee shirts and concentrated on getting nicer fitting ones. Some of them are the $5 jobs you buy at Kohl's, so not expensive, but pretty. A skort, nicer denim shorts, or kahki shorts in the summer. Great jeans in the winter. Decent shoes.

 

I figured out what looks great on me and I REFUSE to buy anything that doesn't. Do you know how many times I'd purchased a dress because it was on sale, not because it looked great????? Too many. :001_huh:

 

I spent most of my adult life before homeschooling as a professional photographer. With the proper hair and clothing, I can take 10lbs off a person, sometimes 20. By dressing right for my body, I look way better than I actually am. :tongue_smilie:

 

I don't want to spend too much time on my looks, but I did want to make my sons and husband proud to be seen with me.

 

One last thing with all the mention of earrings. Here's a quote from a Nora Roberts novel..can't remember which one, but it seemed appropriate for this thread...

 

"Earrings are like org*sms. You can never have too many."

 

:D

:hurray::hurray::hurray::hurray:

[Denisemomof4]

:iagree: There is the implication (even in this thread someone posted it) that you must have problems to care how you look. :001_huh: There is definitely a holier-than-thou "I spend every single second on my family, so I can't even find a moment to shower" vibe in some local homeschool/ mothering circles I've been in. There is sometimes a contest to see who can care the least about their appearance, housework, etc., too. How do you argue with that? It's easier to find a pat answer: "It makes me feel better" seems reasonable. It's sort of liek answering, "It's what works for us" when confronted with an argument about homeschooling.

 

I do think it's true, though, too.

 

I do see myself before I leave the house (I think most people look in the mirror at least once in the morning,) and then I know how I looked the rest of the day.

 

When I went to the doctor for postpartum depression, all three times they told dh to get me to shower and get out of my jammies. There's a reason for that. I feel better when I look "presentable." I wasn't leaving my house, so no one was going to see me, but I felt better. Everyone's idea of presentable is different, so we can't judge someone else for what their level is. If mine includes makeup and earrings, so be it. It doesn't mean I have problems with my image, or that I neglect my family. It means I think about things differently than you, and that is okay.

 

this is EXCELLENT!!!!!!! I also :001_huh: at a few comments but didn't want to touch them.

 

If I were fixing up my appearance for other people, I wouldn't wear bright clothing (LOVE COLOR!!!!), wouldn't wear make-up, and would find a MUCH more plain/simple hairstyle. That's what I'd do to be more like the people I'm around regularly. And they wouldn't care ONE BIT. They adore my awesomeness just because I'm ME on the inside.:D

 

I also love it when my friends tell me I have lipstick on my teeth. Sometimes I put it there just to get a :lol:

[arghmatey]

I just shared this thread with one of my close friends. She said I'm crazy and always am made up. Ha! I love her (hello, friend).

[Denisemomof4]

 

So...my answer is 3. I really love the sound bangles makes on my wrist. It helps give some sound to applause without yelling 'Woot!". If I didn't wear them, I'd miss that nice soft clinking sound I enjoy so much.

 

If I saw you in person I wouldn't know who you were, but I'd also love to hear the clanking around of the bangles. I'd REALLY admire you if you applauded, clinked, yelled "WOOT!!" and did a fist pump, but that's just me.:lol:

 

I'm also wondering if people who wear make-up had a mother who did. My mother washed and dressed in casual clothing every day, did her hair, applied blush, mascara and lipstick, and reapplied the lipstick throughout the day, even if she never stepped out the door. My sister and I both wear make-up. Dd11 LOVES lip gloss, can wear LIGHT make-up for play at home, and loves to wear matching earrings/necklace which really compliment her current outfit. She is LOVING clothing and, like me, LOVES color. She can take any plain outfit and make it SO CUTE just by accessorizing. A beautiful scarf can do wonders to a plain outfit!

[Paige]

I do the hair/makeup/ clothes stuff because it makes me feel prettier. There- I said it. Even if I was in a cabin in the woods, I would feel better doing that because pretty is fun for me. Little girls love to put on jewels, scarves, and twirly dresses too- even when nobody else is around. Why? They think pretty is fun too. I think it is just like people decorating their homes or creating flower gardens- they also enjoy having beautiful things around them.

 

I do not have poor self esteem. I don't think I'm ugly or unacceptable without the make up, fixed hair, or cute clothes. I do think, however, that I can create an image with them that makes me feel happier when I look in the mirror. I think I''m perfectly acceptable without them, but I like to do what I can to make myself "more" pretty. Because it's fun. I like coloring pretty pictures with my children too- because it is fun to see what we come up with.

 

And finally, facts are facts. When you look nicer, when you present yourself in a way that our society has agreed is attractive, then you are treated better. I like to be treated well. I don't really care what the other people think, and I don't care to make friends with everyone, and I certainly don't want to be "picked up," but I do like being treated well. What's wrong with that? Why is it wrong to enjoy playing "dress up" and being treated well? Why is it wrong to work the system to my advantage? When I was in college, if I had a persuasive speech or funny monologue that I would be evaluated on, I always was very careful about my appearance. I am petite, and I highlighted that to look smaller. I wore pink, soft makeup, and my hair down. Why??? Because I know that image would naturally make people judge me more gently. If I had to appear more professional, and it was more of a scientific rather than opinion piece, I avoided pink, pulled my hair back or up, and wore clothes that did not accentuate my size. It is an easy experiment that is almost universally replicated- if you go to the same store dressed like you care one day and dressed without as much care to the image you are presenting the next day, then you will be treated better the first time. I am not talking about over dressing, wearing too much make up, or dressing to draw sexual attention- that's very different and gets very different responses.

 

I do the hair/make-up thing because I like to look in the mirror and feel pretty. I like to see how I can make myself look different by doing different things with my hair, make up and clothes. I also am not ashamed to admit that I do it because I like the way I am treated when I do those things. I'm not saying that people are rude or inconsiderate when I don't get prettied up before going out. Usually people are perfectly polite and nice. When I do make the effort- they are nicer, however. And I like it. Is it fair or right? No. But it is reality and human nature and I'm not going to protest it.

[YLVD]

First, please know that I'm asking because I want to understand and explore a little further, not because I'm challenging anyone. This is something I've long wondered about, and responses in Lisa's thread reminded me that I've been wanting to ask about it here.

 

I often hear (or read) women say that they dress carefully/wear makeup/spend time on their hair/have things like Botox done etc. because it makes them feel better about themselves and NOT because they care what other people think. I'm not sure I understand how this can be the case. If you truly have no care at all for what other people think when they see you, why would any aspect of your appearance matter? For example, if I apply makeup before going out of the house, I can't see or feel that makeup, so I don't see how it's making ME feel better unless I feel it improves the way I come across to the rest of the world.

 

Can you help me understand the mindset?

 

It's the same way that showering makes me feel better. It just does. I like to smell good, look nice, etc. It improves my mood.

 

I say that as someone that suffers from manic depression and have been in a low point for a bit. When I'm low, I start to not care how I look and that just makes me feel worse.

[melissel]

When you look good you feel good. Do you feel good if you have monster breath? Heck no! We may not talk to someone. If we brush, we do!

 

I hear what you're saying, and I don't disagree with you. The value judgment part of it doesn't set well with me, and I truly don't understand that, the same way some of you can't understand the flip side. But that's OK, and that wasn't what I was trying to explore anyway, so you're right that we went off on a tangent! I think we're talking around two different sides of the same coin--and it's very possible that the two can't be discussed separately.

 

Your position is, "When you look good, you feel good." What I was trying to get at was, why is this so? Why does looking good make you feel good? My thinking was, looking good makes you feel good because others see that you look good and appreciate it. If, as some say, they really don't care what others think, then why do they make any extra effort to look good? I'm still not sure your teeth/face analogy works. I don't feel good when I haven't brushed my teeth or washed my face because my mouth and face physically feel yucky. That's why doing so makes me feel better. Makeup does not make me physically feel anything, so I questioned motivations for using it. I know MY motivation, and it IS for appearances, so I wondered about others' motivation if they say it is not.

 

I hope I'm making sense. I'm trying to examine this and straighten out my own thoughts, and I'm trying to straighten out how I want to convey all of this to my rapidly maturing daughters. When I say to them that I'm not ready to leave the house yet because I still have to put on my makeup, they say, "Forget that! Let's just go, you don't need it." Yet I feel better when I have it on. And then when they ask me when they can wear makeup, I tell them that little girls don't need makeup and that they are absolutely beautiful just the way they are. And they say, "Then why do YOU wear makeup?" :confused: How can I answer that? Adult women DO need makeup because they are NOT beautiful just the way they are? OK, makeup makes me look better, so I feel better. Therefore I feel uncomfortable about the face and features God/nature/whomever gave me and only feel better when I amend them? Or, I AM beautiful, but not beautiful ENOUGH? I'm having a very hard time with accepting that I have to teach them that they are beautiful enough now, but when they're older (maybe when they're 13!), that's when they finally get to be not beautiful enough to need makeup and such to feel better about themselves.

 

It's a hard line to walk, and I'm nearing the point when I have to walk it. Hopefully, figuring out how I feel about it all now will allow to help them navigate it all better. I hate that women have to walk this walk but men don't. It's one of the few issues that made me wish I had boys!

[YLVD]

Denise, you sound so much like me, which I think is why your other posts really spoke to me. I'm earring obssessed too, and feel naked without them. They're pretty much the only jewelry I wear these days, as my wedding ring is too tight and I kept injuring the kids with my engagement ring. And I feel weird without at least eyeliner on :lol: Thankfully, though, I don't think we have the same judgment issues you have WRT to who wears what makeup in our social circles. Then again, that could just be because most everyone is like me--clean clothes and a tiny bit of makeup (or none) is the norm.

 

I guess I still wonder though--Do you (any of you, not just Denise) feel strange walking around the empty house without makeup? Or do you only feel weird if you feel "unkempt" around others?

 

I am very pale and very oily, with a ruddy complexion. I always put something on my skin, at least some concealer and powder, or else it's so oily that it's disgusting. I work from home and usually wear some form of makeup. I wear more when I'm out and about.

 

Edited to add that I'm just east of Seattle. Around here, everyone wear yoga pants and fleece. That is the standard, lol. I don't have to do to much to fit in! lol I do like to wear makeup and style my hair most of the time though.

[YLVD]

When I see myself well-dressed with my hair and makeup done, I feel confident and able. It affects my mood for the rest of the day even if I don't see myself in a mirror.

 

When I'm having a really bad day (especially when leaning towards depression), I'll have a do-over. I'll jump in the shower and wash/condition my hair well, shave carefully, etc. Then I'll spend plenty of time carefully tweezing my eyebrows, styling my hair, putting on makeup (when I could still wear it), and getting on nicer clothing. It always makes me feel better.

 

It falls under the same category of getting dressed for success even when you work at home. You are more productive when properly dressed than in pjs.

 

This is so true about getting dressed when working at home. That said, I'm working from home today and in yoga pants and a tank, lol:lol:

[melissel]

I do the hair/makeup/ clothes stuff because it makes me feel prettier. There- I said it. Even if I was in a cabin in the woods, I would feel better doing that because pretty is fun for me. Little girls love to put on jewels, scarves, and twirly dresses too- even when nobody else is around. Why? They think pretty is fun too. I think it is just like people decorating their homes or creating flower gardens- they also enjoy having beautiful things around them.

 

Thanks, you are right and these are very good points, especially about the dress-up!

[melissel]

This is so true about getting dressed when working at home. That said, I'm working from home today and in yoga pants and a tank, lol:lol:

 

I need to find some flattering yoga pants that don't look like PJs. They are SO comfortable, and I have such trouble finding jeans that fit and flatter (stupid short legs).

[YLVD]

Then I guess there's not much I can help you with. ;)

 

Stretchy cotton pants are better than sweats that are cut off and a man's shirt. Doing things around the house compared to how one dresses is like comparing apples to oranges. I'm confused on where this came from. And probably so in that marriage there are other factors, but personally if my dh dressed like a slob 24/7 I'd complain, even if he was wonderful. It would be a turn-off.

 

You can be comfy and still look nice. Stretchy cotton pants and a woman's shirt would be a drastic improvement. You can not wear make-up and still look nice.

 

Same

 

It would be a turnoff. That doesn't mean that I don't love him. But, I would not be as attracted to him. It's just as important for men to take care of themselves IMO

[angela in ohio]

Really? I didn't see the implication at all (actually was kind of feeling the opposite), but I truly hope it did not come from me in this thread. If you felt that I gave that vibe off, can you please show me where so I can clarify? I have no problem at all with people caring how they look.

 

It wasn't you. :)

[LibraryLover]

I need to find some flattering yoga pants that don't look like PJs. They are SO comfortable, and I have such trouble finding jeans that fit and flatter (stupid short legs).

 

 

Me too. I don't like to wear jeans, and I have always found them uncomfortable. I know that's crazy talk in the US. A woman who doesn't have a favorite pair of jeans! lol

 

I also feel that if I am not in PJs that look like PJS, I can throw a button down shirt or denim jacket over the tank , and then ferry a kid to an activity pretty much looking like I finished working out or just left the yoga studio. lol :tongue_smilie: So, lazy and slovenly, without seeming so. :lol: Is that vanity, I wonder? The sin of omission, perhaps? ;)

Edited August 15, 2011 by LibraryLover

[YLVD]

I need to find some flattering yoga pants that don't look like PJs. They are SO comfortable, and I have such trouble finding jeans that fit and flatter (stupid short legs).

 

Old Navy and Gap both have ones that are okay. I love my yoga pants from Victoria's Secret, mostly because I'm super tall and they are long enough, lol

[melissel]

Me too. I don't like to wear jeans, and I have always found them uncomfortable. I know that's crazy talk in the US. A woman who doesn't have a favorite pair of jeans! lol

 

I also feel that if I am not in PJs that look like PJS, I can throw a button down shirt or denim jacket over the tank , and then ferry a kid to an activity pretty much looking like I finished working out or just left the yoga studio. lol :tongue_smilie: So, lazy and slovenly, without seeming so. :lol: Is that vanity, I wonder? The sin of omission, perhaps? ;)

 

:lol::lol::lol: I actually do love jeans, but lately, they have begun to feel very confining to me.

 

I think you are right about looking like you just left the yoga studio. I should try to find a pair of comfy sneakers that I can slip on with my cotton pants--maybe then I could pull off the look. Leather sandals don't really do the job :lol:

 

ETA: After thinking more about it, I think it's the intersection of comfort and vanity. Which, really, is what this whole brouhaha is kind of about, no?!

Edited August 15, 2011 by melissel

[LaxMom]

For me, it's more about being "unremarkable". If I'm in jammies or cruddy clothes all day, hair askew, no makeup, I feel "undone". In my mind, there shouldn't be an outstanding (as in out of place) feature of my appearance. I feel, in many ways, that the "me" comes through much more with clothes/hair/makeup/accessories commensurate with what I'm doing, not just from me, but because when I have a unified appearance, my appearance can be overlooked in favor of interacting with my person, if that makes sense. My appearance should fade into the background. For instance:

 

When I worked in an IT consulting job, with mostly "inside the beltway" clients, I wore suits to work. In my mind, a suit also requires pantyhose, heels (if a skirt), and makeup, including lipstick. I would not carry my giant, bright red hobo bag. It would be out of place. So would bare legs.

 

When I am working now with personal training clients or in membership services, I am usually wearing athletic shorts or pants and a staff t-shirt. My hair is pulled back. I wear eyeliner and mascara. Lipstick would be as out of place as hose and heels. Again, the "appearance" should fade into the background of the business at hand.

 

When I went to Home Depot for lumber on Saturday, I wore paint-covered scrubs and a Ross Perot campaign t-shirt, ca. 1992. I had been priming stair risers before we left. It's the Home Depot. "Productively dirty" is the dress code.

 

On regular, non-work, not-rebuilding-the-house days, my occupation is "professional homemaker and homeschooler". The uniform is more casual than suits, but never involves jammies or being unkempt. (I favor the full apron for baking as well, but go with a silver "tribal bead" necklace made by an artist friend instead of pearls) When I look in the mirror and my eyes look squinty or non-existent, it doesn't set an alert, productive tone for the day, whether I'm leaving the house or not. And if I'm looking dull and piqued, a little lipstick (a neutral red) goes a long way to lend a little color. Dead looking with no eyes isn't a particularly inspiring look for me, nor is a Bill the Cat out of sorts sort of look.

[melissel]

...nor is a Bill the Cat out of sorts sort of look.

 

:lol::lol::lol: I'm so going to use that to refer to myself from now on! Although, now that I think about it, I don't think anyone will get it other than my uncle. Bummer!

[Jean in Newcastle]

For me, it's more about being "unremarkable".

 

If it is unremarkable that's the goal, then I'm there already!

[WishboneDawn]

I often hear (or read) women say that they dress carefully/wear makeup/spend time on their hair/have things like Botox done etc. because it makes them feel better about themselves and NOT because they care what other people think. I'm not sure I understand how this can be the case. If you truly have no care at all for what other people think when they see you, why would any aspect of your appearance matter? For example, if I apply makeup before going out of the house, I can't see or feel that makeup, so I don't see how it's making ME feel better unless I feel it improves the way I come across to the rest of the world.

 

Can you help me understand the mindset?

 

No. :) I put put on make up and dress up on occasion in part because I DO care what people think. I care that, when I make the effort, and I'm out with my husband they see an attractive woman or when I'm running errands with my kids I look like a put together capable mom. There are other times I don't care that much and so don't do much more then make sure my clothes are clean.

 

I'm not sure that not caring about what other people see or think is such a virtue. Caring about other people's opinions can certainly be taken to an extreme but giving a little thought to how folks in the public view you is not, in my mind, a bad thing.

[Britomart]

I hope I'm making sense. I'm trying to examine this and straighten out my own thoughts, and I'm trying to straighten out how I want to convey all of this to my rapidly maturing daughters. When I say to them that I'm not ready to leave the house yet because I still have to put on my makeup, they say, "Forget that! Let's just go, you don't need it." Yet I feel better when I have it on. And then when they ask me when they can wear makeup, I tell them that little girls don't need makeup and that they are absolutely beautiful just the way they are. And they say, "Then why do YOU wear makeup?" :confused: How can I answer that? Adult women DO need makeup because they are NOT beautiful just the way they are? OK, makeup makes me look better, so I feel better. Therefore I feel uncomfortable about the face and features God/nature/whomever gave me and only feel better when I amend them? Or, I AM beautiful, but not beautiful ENOUGH? I'm having a very hard time with accepting that I have to teach them that they are beautiful enough now, but when they're older (maybe when they're 13!), that's when they finally get to be not beautiful enough to need makeup and such to feel better about themselves.

 

You're totally making sense.

 

I think part of it is about having a public self and a private self - something that's just not that necessary (or not as necessary) for children. You know?

 

I just keep coming back to the fact that, anthropologically, appearance=communication. "Putting on your face" tells the world "I'm ready for business", whether that business is work or shopping or volunteering or whatever. It communicates that you're awake, aware, and ready to interact with the public. Whereas pj's and an unmade face say, "I am at home" or "I am sick" or "I am resting", but certainly not, "I'm ready to interact with society".

 

I think that's just not a differentiation we expect from children.

 

 

That's the good answer, I guess. The bad answer is . . . yeah, grown-ups aren't as pretty as kids. Make-up partly says, "Ignore my age/worn-outness/exhaustion and just pretend that I'm just as energetic as an eighteen-year-old please." I mean, when I'm in public, I don't want people thinking that I look old and tired. It's not their business to be concerned about me. Make-up is a way of saying, "I don't want to talk about my weaknesses: please ignore them." Which is, of course, polite for strangers/acquaintances to do.

 

So even if make-up does say, "I'm not as pretty", I don't think it's necessarily a bad message. Because, again, you want strangers/acquaintances to deal with your public self, and not the private self who might need comforting or cosseting. It's not their business to ask, "are you tired?" it's their business to ask, "What can I do for you today, ma'am."

[nd293]

For example, if I apply makeup before going out of the house, I can't see or feel that makeup, so I don't see how it's making ME feel better unless I feel it improves the way I come across to the rest of the world.

 

I look in the mirror before I leave home, so I know I look neater and more attractive than usual. I know I made an effort, and that puts a bit more bounce in my step. I smile more.

 

Knowing I had done something positive for my body such as going for a walk would have the same effect. It's harder to achieve, though!

 

The fact that I seldom bother with make-up etc is definitely a reflection of a "couldn't be bothered" attitude which has begun to dominate in the years I've been home with children.

[Happy]

When I was a newlywed, I made a friend who had moved from another state. While I dressed for success in my business life, I definitely dressed down in my personal life and often urged her to do so, as well.

 

My friend was from a southern state and tried hard to fit in with the jeans and boots and t-shirt laid back West Texas. I remember the day she said I just have to dress in a way that makes me feel good. For her that meant more tailored clothes. Still comfy, still relaxed, just a bit more 'dressed' than the average woman in that city. I learned a lot that day about making myself happy.

 

And, yes, my mom may not have had expensive clothes, but she dressed, lightly made up, and fixed her hair every day. Her home was immaculate (a trait I did NOT inherit :lol:) She came from very poor and we had little, but it was a matter of integrity to her to be put together well. Even if she didn't leave the house that day.

[Peela]

The way I dress and look, is an expression of who I am. The same way the way my house presents, where I live, my car, my hairstyle, and the friends I spend time with are expressions of who I am- whether I make an effort to appear a certain way or not.

I think there is a balance there....its both coming from within, and also, affected by the responses and environment that reflect back to me. But the way I respond to other peoples' responses is also uniquely me. Its not that I don't care what other people think at all- I do- but the way I care is my way, and I will still express my own unique way of living and appearing.

I do see clothes and makeup as a form of self expression the same as art, and I like to play with it that way. And hopefully one expresses oneself artistically with most of one's attention on the inner vision and just a little on how the public will view that vision. But both aspects are going to be present.