need advice/vent regarding support group I started

[ktgrok]

So, I started up a middle school homeschool group because my son is NOT happy about homeschooling, and wants more socializing opportunities. I need this group to meet certain needs for him, and want it to run smoothly. I started it at the end of last year, and have been planning this summer, so that we can jump right into things in the fall. I have tentatively scheduled at least one field trip a month, polled the members for meeting times, set the time and place, set up additional meet ups in other parts of town, contacted year book companies, created a database of member info, etc. We now have over 40 families signed up. About 20 have filled in the database, after repeated requests. No one came to the meet up we had last week, but it was scheduled last minute (a day in advance), so I expected that. Anyway...I realize it will take a while to get up and running.

 

So...I got an email yesterday from someone that had just read my email regarding upcoming field trips. The email I sent almost 2 weeks ago. He said that I shouldn't do all this myself, that I will burn out, and I should sit back and let others come up with ideas and let them plan whatever trips and such. Which would be great, in theory. However...I can't even get this group to come up with an idea for our back to school party!!!! I've asked for volunteers to host a cartoon and donuts party, or a pool party, and had no takers.(my house is NOT central, and we don't have cable, so cartoons would not work here). So today I said we can just meet up for breakfast at a local Denny's, to make it easy. Not to mention, even the man saying this obviously hasn't checked the group email in 2 weeks! So no, I'm not going to sit back and hope others plan things. I made clear that others are welcome to plan additional events, and to put them on the calendar. But I'm making sure we have a certain amount on there for sure, so my son's needs get met.

 

Oh, and he said we should limit the group to 25 families, so that everyone can be close knit. My problem with that is twofold. First, we already have over 40 families, lol. Second, past experience has taught me that only about half of a yahoo based group, if that, can be expected to show up to field trips and such. And if we want a yearbook, to put on plays, etc we need a certain amount of people, again because not everyone will want to be involved. I think 50 families is a good limit, if we have one. That is still the equivalent of a very small school!

 

Now I'm looking at yearbook stuff and I have to choose between a company that is more difficult to use as far as their software, but that will allow each person to order their own book online, or a company that is easier to use, but will require me to collect payment from everyone and send it in all at once, when we order. I'm sure this guy, and those that chimed in with him, feel I should leave that decision up to the group. But to get the early bird discount I have to decide in the next week, and honestly I'd rather just decide on my own and they can live with it, lol. The prices are almost exactly the same.

 

Sorry for the length of this, I'm just feeling like I'm working really hard to make this special, with the idea that as people get involved I can hand over some responsibility, and now I am being told I should just let go and relax. Meanwhile I have people complaining that the back to school party is not convenient for them, could we do it a few weeks later? Um, it's a not back to school party, the whole point is it is at the beginning of the school year!

 

ugh.

[Dobela]

:grouphug::grouphug: I feel your pain. Really. I am helping with a local group and having similar experiences. For months everyone complained that there was nothing to do with other homeschoolers. Now no one will commit to anything I have scheduled. Or even respond to pleas for help. Makes me wanna go be a hermit again.

[Lily_Grace]

:grouphug:

 

Tell him great, you delegate the party planning to him.

 

I feel your pain. We have a very wide-spread community here and it's undergoing some changes at the moment. It took a year of coming together and 2-3 people doing it ALL before a board was made to help spread it out. One thing was that it was stressed we needed to take turns finding field trips.

 

Is there a park or something in town where you can have a weekly hang-out? Just something stable in the routine, if you don't have it already. It's definitely one of my favorite days to look forward to.

[ktgrok]

:grouphug:

 

Tell him great, you delegate the party planning to him.

 

he actually is looking into a possible site for the back to school party, but it is by no means definite, and the party is in 3 weeks.

 

I feel your pain. We have a very wide-spread community here and it's undergoing some changes at the moment. It took a year of coming together and 2-3 people doing it ALL before a board was made to help spread it out. One thing was that it was stressed we needed to take turns finding field trips.

See, I kind of anticpated it being a one or two person job for the first semester at the least, so that didn't suprise me. The fact that people don't comment, don't post, don't show up, and then say that I should have them plan things is what surprised me.

 

Is there a park or something in town where you can have a weekly hang-out? Just something stable in the routine, if you don't have it already. It's definitely one of my favorite days to look forward to.

We do have a weekly meet up, thursday afternoons. We started at the end of the year and at that point we had 12 families, and only 3, including mine, came to any of them. We will continue them this year. I also have an every other week ice cream meet up, at a local ice cream parlour, on the schedule for the rest of the summer.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I would probably be reluctant to spend money on a yearbook for a support group unless it was a group we'd invested a lot of time with. Maybe this is something thatcould wait until a later year. Or be something lower key the first year.

[SailorMom]

I ran a middle school group - couldn't get anyone to actually show up for anything - and they all helped plan the 6 months of activities.

Keep inviting all 40 and you'll probably be lucky to get 20 to rsvp, and 10 to show up.

I know I sound jaded, but it is just a reality with HS'ers, sadly. At least in ALL the groups I have been a part of or in charge of.

The group wants me to plan again - but I am reluctant. Not only was my son disappointed over and over, the amount of time I spent planning and trying to set things up was quite a lot.

Just as an example - I had 6 people rsvp to the end of the year party. 2 came. Luckily I had already assumed as much and invited som other kids (ps kids mine are friends with).

 

Please - hold off on the yearbook.

[ktgrok]

Well, I wouldn't have to put any of my own money into it...we would send in payment towards the end of the year, and that is when we would order. Also, I have a quote based on 35 yearbooks, and we have between 50 and 60 students so far. The price would be $17 dollars per book.

[Bang!Zoom!]

Did you happen to do any sort of parent survey for talents and abilities with your group?

 

Folks often will contribute time and presence if they have a leadership or contribution role. There might be some nice surprises there for you to work with in responses.

 

As a future issue to explore, if this group you are setting up does end up with some serious activity, have you thought about checking into a 501 status? A 501 can open up a wild and huge amount of opportunities.

 

My BFF runs a business, and for her scheduling and group communications she uses a program online called "meet up" - have you ever looked at that? It's pretty slick, fairly inexpensive. She started with just about 3 people and it's grown to several hundred over a couple of years.

 

You could also join some meet up groups similar to your own for culling some ideas on formation and organization techniques.

[Soror]

We are doing group planning here as well. The ideal is nice to have others do it but as you said again then you run a big risk of no one doing anything. I think I'd let anyone take it on if they would commit but not count on it. Otherwise I would plan what you want to plan yourself. I wouldn't want a yearbook myself but I don't like those kind of things.

[joannqn]

If you really want to do a yearbook, I'd consider using something like Snapfish and putting together your own book with photos taken at events throughout the year. Then you are able to order one for yourself and not be out money if no one else pays for one. If they want one, it will be easily available.

 

I've found that the best way to get a commitment from homeschoolers is to charge a fee that is paid by a deadline with no refunds after a certain date. Even if the event is free, charge a refundable registration fee. If they don't show up, their free is an automatic donation to the group or the location of the field trip.

[Samiam]

Completely agree with all of the others....such is the way of life with HSer's, UNLESS it is a fee-based Co-op, where they not only paid to be there ,but are required to show up and help. And it is possible alot of these families ARE already doing this type of stuff, so your group is secondary on their calendar.

 

Some thoughts I had about your situation:

 

Since the group is off to a slow start, I personally think that organizing a yearbook is waaaaay to early at this point in the game. What could you possibly have to put in it, with this type of poor attendance? Even if attendance grows, why not just keep an online photo album for now.

 

If your middle schooler your only child? Perhaps you are not taking into account families that have more than one child, especially younger ages. Yes, focus the activities on the middle school age, but be willing to accomodate and realize that younger children would need to come along. Breakfast at Denny's? No way no how....I have three children to feed...eat out for breakfast is not something we would do just for the fun of it...getting them out of the house in the a.m., spending the $$. Sounds like an activity that was planned by someone with only one child. Same thing with the Cartoons and Donuts.....if I asked my 13 year old if he wanted to go to that, I know he would just look at me like I turned into an alien...I can see it now "You want to know if I want to go sit at someone'se house and watch cartoons??"

 

None of that is said in mean spirit, just to give you a perspective from someone who would completely join a "group for middle school homeschoolers" on Yahoo, and then not come to many activities.

 

Same thinking with field trips. While it is completely fine to plan field trips that only allow certain ages, but then plan to expect many families not to be able to come, or be willing to take several of the middleschoolers yourself.

 

Activities that we did go to, and enjoyed when we were in a yahoo-based group for middeschool homeschoolers were:

1. Bowling: group rates make this cheap and younger siblings can bowl on their own lanes while the older kids bowl on their lanes

2. Mini-golf...same thing as with bowling.

3. Planned scavenger hunt

4. Pool party

 

In the end, just know that you will never get all 40 out to participate. If you can get 10 families to participate on a regular basis, I would consider that a good turnout.

 

Recently one yahoo group that I was on, the lady who started it posted that she was disbanding the yahoo group, that she couldn't do it by herself, with little input or help from other members, etc etc etc. Many people spoke up and said they would help, etc etc. The group is much more active now.

[ktgrok]

If you really want to do a yearbook, I'd consider using something like Snapfish and putting together your own book with photos taken at events throughout the year. Then you are able to order one for yourself and not be out money if no one else pays for one. If they want one, it will be easily available.

 

I've found that the best way to get a commitment from homeschoolers is to charge a fee that is paid by a deadline with no refunds after a certain date. Even if the event is free, charge a refundable registration fee. If they don't show up, their free is an automatic donation to the group or the location of the field trip.

 

Joann, we did that last year, but it was twice as expensive as using a real yearbook company. I contacted the easier to use company to verify whether or not I would personally be responsible for any fees if we ended up not having enough interest. If the answer is no than I will go ahead and sign up with them, and get the early bird discount. Then, at our first business meeting I will have a sign up sheet for the yearbook commitee, leaving myself as in a supervisory role. I'll also have sign up sheets for other things, like planning some of the events. But if people don't step up I am fine with doing it myself.

 

I figure if I plan the bare bones stuff, I can let other people choose to fill in or not.

[gardening momma]

I would hold off on doing the yearbook this year. Without a really established group, there doesn't really seem to be a point to it. I wouldn't buy a yearbook for a group that was just getting started (even if I knew the yearbook would be purchased at the end of the year). I'd want to get established in the group and get comfortable and know that we want pictures of these other people. It's not like it's a school where you know everyone will be there 5 days a week for 9 months.

[Ellie]

So, I started up a middle school homeschool group because my son is NOT happy about homeschooling, and wants more socializing opportunities. I need this group to meet certain needs for him, and want it to run smoothly. I started it at the end of last year, and have been planning this summer, so that we can jump right into things in the fall. I have tentatively scheduled at least one field trip a month, polled the members for meeting times, set the time and place, set up additional meet ups in other parts of town, contacted year book companies, created a database of member info, etc. We now have over 40 families signed up. About 20 have filled in the database, after repeated requests. No one came to the meet up we had last week, but it was scheduled last minute (a day in advance), so I expected that. Anyway...I realize it will take a while to get up and running.

 

So...I got an email yesterday from someone that had just read my email regarding upcoming field trips. The email I sent almost 2 weeks ago. He said that I shouldn't do all this myself, that I will burn out, and I should sit back and let others come up with ideas and let them plan whatever trips and such. Which would be great, in theory. However...I can't even get this group to come up with an idea for our back to school party!!!! I've asked for volunteers to host a cartoon and donuts party, or a pool party, and had no takers.(my house is NOT central, and we don't have cable, so cartoons would not work here). So today I said we can just meet up for breakfast at a local Denny's, to make it easy. Not to mention, even the man saying this obviously hasn't checked the group email in 2 weeks! So no, I'm not going to sit back and hope others plan things. I made clear that others are welcome to plan additional events, and to put them on the calendar. But I'm making sure we have a certain amount on there for sure, so my son's needs get met.

 

Oh, and he said we should limit the group to 25 families, so that everyone can be close knit. My problem with that is twofold. First, we already have over 40 families, lol. Second, past experience has taught me that only about half of a yahoo based group, if that, can be expected to show up to field trips and such. And if we want a yearbook, to put on plays, etc we need a certain amount of people, again because not everyone will want to be involved. I think 50 families is a good limit, if we have one. That is still the equivalent of a very small school!

 

Now I'm looking at yearbook stuff and I have to choose between a company that is more difficult to use as far as their software, but that will allow each person to order their own book online, or a company that is easier to use, but will require me to collect payment from everyone and send it in all at once, when we order. I'm sure this guy, and those that chimed in with him, feel I should leave that decision up to the group. But to get the early bird discount I have to decide in the next week, and honestly I'd rather just decide on my own and they can live with it, lol. The prices are almost exactly the same.

 

Sorry for the length of this, I'm just feeling like I'm working really hard to make this special, with the idea that as people get involved I can hand over some responsibility, and now I am being told I should just let go and relax. Meanwhile I have people complaining that the back to school party is not convenient for them, could we do it a few weeks later? Um, it's a not back to school party, the whole point is it is at the beginning of the school year!

 

ugh.

Isn't it fun working with people? :D

 

Ok, here are my thoughts, not necessarily in the order the questions were asked.

 

ITA with you about limiting the size of the group. I think that's a bad idea.

 

I think that man is correct about your not doing everything, and I think you might need to reconsider how you're going about things.

 

Many support groups are started by a single person who has wonderful ideas and the wherewithal to implement them. The problem is when that person starts a *group* and then expects all the members of the group to have the same enthusiasm and sense of ownership that she does. It just isn't so. In the groups of which I was a member and leader over the years, there are certain things that I came to figure out:

 

1. Don't overplan.

 

2. Meetings need to be on a regular basis...same night/day of the week, same time, etc. People need at least a month's warning, and they need time for those meetings to be permanently wired in their brains. :-)

 

3. Don't expect much planning to go on at a group meeting. Seriously. You canNOT expect 20 or more people to do anything truly productive. Think about Congress...

 

4. We found that the best way to plan things was to pass out a sign-up sheet once a year, with the possible social events listed; people who are interested in any of those events sign up and then do the planning on their own time. Yes, sometimes events that we leaders thought would be great didn't happen, but OTOH, there was no nagging or worrying or otherwise mentally anguishing over seeing that we had those events. Anyone who complained was handed the sign-up sheet and encouraged to...sign up.

 

5. Always require payment in advance. The end. If you think a yearbook is a great idea, then you make up a form, decide how much it will cost, choose a deadline, and hand out that form. People have to fill it out and return it to you by the deadline WITH PAYMENT. No excepctions. Not all of the people in the group will get a yearbook. Such is life. Next year, they will. Oh, and if you have to have a minimum number of participants and you don't have that many, don't do it, and don't worry about it. Such is life. If people complain, you point out that you gave everyone fair notice and that there weren't enough commitments to proceed.

 

6. Ditto for field trips: Require payment in advance. Even if it's a free field trip, charge $1 per person. By a deadline. If you don't get enough responders, by the deadline, cancel it. The end. No phone calls, no verbal "reservations." Show me the money, honey.

 

7. I'd charge for the party, something minimal like $5 per family. People have to pay by the deadline...you get the picture. If people complain, point out that they may be on the committee next year when you pass around the sign-up sheet.

[HS Mom in NC]

I would be reluctant to delegate too. There are doers and there are talkers. You're a doer. Talkers are often good a brain-storming. They vary widely on follow through.

 

If I decided to do a yearbook, I would collect the money up front. Same with all the activity related fees. I would let everyone know they are not signed up for an activity until they have paid for it in advance by the deadline.

 

Most of my HS friends have 4-7 kids. I know two HS families with 10 and 11 kids. That's a lot of kids to:

 

1. get sick

2. have other scheduling conflicts

3. have a behavior issues that mean not going to the event at the last minute

4. fill in other real-life scenarios

 

I wouldn't plan a planning event at a restaurant over breakfast or during vacation time. Those with children having sleep issues won't be there. Those choosing not to eat out due to finances or dietary restrictions can't go. Those with painfully tight budgets (and a bunch of kids) can't go. Those whose kids have behavior challenges that would make the parent reluctant to go to a restaurant probably can't or won't get a sitter and can't go. Those taking the precious little vacation time they get during these summer months can't go.

 

If I had scheduled a planning activity it would be at a home where the little ones can play together out of the room where moms are planning. I would plan everything at once accepting only input from people who showed up. Remember, when planning activities, that most families have children in a wide age range. My oldest is 15. My youngest is 6.

 

We did this for a year of American Girl Club and it worked out well. We planned activities for older kids and activities for little ones. The only grumbler was the woman who recently pulled a kid out of ps who was shocked to find that after she left in the middle of the planning session no one tracked down her email and told her what was finalized. She was very offended when people responded to her complaint with, "This is HS. Here the parent takes the initiative to find out what was planned. You should have contacted the host (whose email you had) for finalized plans." There are people like this in every group of humans. Ignore them.

[ktgrok]

thanks everyone, for your input.

 

I actually have two kids, 10 years apart, so I am trying to plan for all ages. My little one is good in a restaraunt, but you are right, not all littles are. I do have a meet up on the calendar tomorrow at Chik-Fil-A specifically because they have a playground for the littles, and because you can order just a fruit cup if you want. Diet issues are familiar to me as my oldest is allergic to dairy, so even the ice cream meet up is somewhere that has fruit bowls, dairly free italian ice, and other snacks. The big problem is that it is REALLY hot here, so meeting outdoors is hard. And a lot of things are more expensive because it is a tourist town. Denny's was the cheapest place I could think of that has a private room we could use. I thought the idea of a special breakfast out, on the first day of school for the local schools, would be really special. Meeting up for donuts at a park might be better, maybe around 10am? Despite the heat? The group indicated they preferred mornings in a poll.

 

I'm glad my thoughts that a bigger group is better, and that I can't count on others to plan are right. I am going to make up a sign up sheet with all the different trips and events on it, and let parents sign up if they are interested in planning one. And weekly meetings will be at a set time, on the same day each week. the place may change with the season though.

 

Any other ideas for a kick off party?

Edited August 1, 2011 by ktgrok

[gardening momma]

The problem I would have with most meetups being at a restaurant/food place of some sort is that even if you could buy just a fruit cup or nothing at all, I'd have a very difficult time taking my kids to such a place and not get them something substantial (and I wouldn't be able to, for financial reasons)--partly because they'd either be hungry, or they would think they must have something, since we're at Denny's/Chick-fil-A/ice cream shop/etc. It would be partly a discipline issue and partly because they're a kid and it would be torture, in a kid's mind, to be brought to such a place and not get something. I wouldn't want to have to deal with that.

[gardening momma]

I do have a meet up on the calendar tomorrow at Chik-Fil-A specifically because they have a playground for the littles,

Sort-of off topic--does your Chick-Fil-A have a big play place? Ours is tiny, not to mention hot & stuffy. It's nothing like a McDonald's play place. A bunch of kids from a homeschool group wouldn't fit in the play place in our Chick-Fil-A.

[ktgrok]

The problem I would have with most meetups being at a restaurant/food place of some sort is that even if you could buy just a fruit cup or nothing at all, I'd have a very difficult time taking my kids to such a place and not get them something substantial (and I wouldn't be able to, for financial reasons)--partly because they'd either be hungry, or they would think they must have something, since we're at Denny's/Chick-fil-A/ice cream shop/etc. It would be partly a discipline issue and partly because they're a kid and it would be torture, in a kid's mind, to be brought to such a place and not get something. I wouldn't want to have to deal with that.

 

I should have been more clear. Most meet ups are not at a food place. The weekly meet ups are at a local park. Over the summer some ice cream socials were planned, at a place that has the cheapest ice cream in town (1.99). And the chik-fil-A one was at the request of some people over on that side of town. I'm just having a hard time coming up with places that are airconditioned that are also cheap. Any thoughts? Bowling was miserable with toddlers the one time we went, similar issue with skating.

[gardening momma]

Any other ideas for a kick off party?

I know you said your house is not central to the area the group is in, but if you could, at your house or someone else's, an outdoor water party would be great. Sprinklers, water balloons, etc... Picnic-y type foods, watermelon, etc...

[Dobela]

I should have been more clear. Most meet ups are not at a food place. The weekly meet ups are at a local park. Over the summer some ice cream socials were planned, at a place that has the cheapest ice cream in town (1.99). And the chik-fil-A one was at the request of some people over on that side of town. I'm just having a hard time coming up with places that are airconditioned that are also cheap. Any thoughts? Bowling was miserable with toddlers the one time we went, similar issue with skating.

I would call a church and see if you can use any of their space. Or ask the library if they have a room that you can reserve. THen take games, books, blocks, and so on with you to keep kids busy.

[ktgrok]

I would call a church and see if you can use any of their space. Or ask the library if they have a room that you can reserve. THen take games, books, blocks, and so on with you to keep kids busy.

 

We JUST switched churches, two weeks ago, so I don't feel comfortable asking at my church just yet, and again it isn't very central at all. But maybe another member has a church that would work. Good idea. The libraries charge a high fee unless you are a nonprofit group, which we are not yet. But thanks.

[ktgrok]

I would call a church and see if you can use any of their space. Or ask the library if they have a room that you can reserve. THen take games, books, blocks, and so on with you to keep kids busy.

 

We JUST switched churches, two weeks ago, so I don't feel comfortable asking at my church just yet, and again it isn't very central at all. But maybe another member has a church that would work. Good idea. The libraries charge a high fee unless you are a nonprofit group, which we are not yet. But thanks.

[angela in ohio]

Here are my random thoughts after years of involvement with various local groups:

 

I admit that I would personally be leery to get very involved with a group that was just run by one person doing all the work. Sometimes people who take on that much are people who burn out, sometimes they aren't. But I wouldn't want to be invested in a group in any way where one person pulling the plug would mean the end.

 

We would not go to a meetup with one day's notice. Our schedule just doesn't work that way. We also wouldn't go to one at Denny's. And while I would be willing to have a group to my home, many people wouldn't (especially if they have a pool to use - liability issues with people you don't know and all.)

 

I wouldn't want a yearbook for a homeschool group. For a co-op, where they take classes together, maybe, but not for a general group. I've never been in a regualr homeschool group that did yearbooks.

 

I think 40 families is fine. If I know homeschoolers, that means 10 active families and 30 lurking, non-participating families. :D

 

I know a lot of homeschoolers vacation at the end of August and early September, to take advantage of everyone else going back to school. And you also have people who are just starting up and need a few weeks before they take off for an event. I have seen many not-back-to-school picnics happen in mid to late September. If it is a choice between moving it and no one showing, I'd move it.

 

And I'd ignore the guy emailing you, or give him a "thanks for your concern, I've got it under control." He sounds like he will be a pain. :001_smile: he probably wants to be in charge, now that he has seen there is a group of families. Don't forget that every homeschool group is like a third world country... always ripe for a coup. ;)

[QueenCat]

I should have been more clear. Most meet ups are not at a food place. The weekly meet ups are at a local park. Over the summer some ice cream socials were planned, at a place that has the cheapest ice cream in town (1.99). And the chik-fil-A one was at the request of some people over on that side of town. I'm just having a hard time coming up with places that are airconditioned that are also cheap. Any thoughts? Bowling was miserable with toddlers the one time we went, similar issue with skating.

 

Around here, most people like to meet in places like chick-fil-a on occasion. It's a treat... and has a very varied menu, price wise. So if it's already on the calendar, I wouldn't cancel it...

[mom2att]

We JUST switched churches, two weeks ago, so I don't feel comfortable asking at my church just yet, and again it isn't very central at all. But maybe another member has a church that would work. Good idea. The libraries charge a high fee unless you are a nonprofit group, which we are not yet. But thanks.

 

Check your library policy--the "are you a non-profit" question doesn't necessarily mean are you a 501c3 organization, it just means does your group exist to make a profit? Our libraries ask the same question, but it means you can't reserve a room for your Amway pep rally or your JuicePlus free sample day. So unless you're collecting extra yearbook money to take your family on a cruise, your organization is a non-profit.

 

Of course your area's library policy may vary . . . but it doesn't hurt to check!

[ChristusG]

Sadly, homeschool groups are notorious for being flaky. The one my mom has my younger sister in is terrible in regards to participation. The one I'm in is good, but it's not your normal homeschool group. It's run through a children's facility and there's a steep monthly fee....so people participate.

[Samiam]

A thought I had about a previous experience with a HS group, which was a Yahoo-group based one, where the primary communication was via the Yahoo group.

 

It was a new group and the lady who started was always asking for helping, saying that anyone can come up with ideas, host a gathering etc.

 

BUT then when anyone would offer an idea, she would either completely negate it or completely take it over.

 

I watched (or read, rather) her do it over and over others. But sure enough, when I had an idea (field trip) and tried to implement it, not only did she railroad me on the Yahoo group, I also got direct emails from her telling me this, that, the other. So frustrating! Really indicated that she "liked" being in control, in power, and didn't really want anyone to help.

 

The group really started to fizzle out by the 2nd year, as I guess others got that same feeling as I did.

 

COMPLETELY NOT saying this is you, but perhaps others are viewing it that way (just based on what that man emailed to you). Just a thought I had.

[Michelle My Bell]

So, I started up a middle school homeschool group because my son is NOT happy about homeschooling, and wants more socializing opportunities. I need this group to meet certain needs for him, and want it to run smoothly. I started it at the end of last year, and have been planning this summer, so that we can jump right into things in the fall. I have tentatively scheduled at least one field trip a month, polled the members for meeting times, set the time and place, set up additional meet ups in other parts of town, contacted year book companies, created a database of member info, etc. We now have over 40 families signed up. About 20 have filled in the database, after repeated requests. No one came to the meet up we had last week, but it was scheduled last minute (a day in advance), so I expected that. Anyway...I realize it will take a while to get up and running.

 

So...I got an email yesterday from someone that had just read my email regarding upcoming field trips. The email I sent almost 2 weeks ago. He said that I shouldn't do all this myself, that I will burn out, and I should sit back and let others come up with ideas and let them plan whatever trips and such. Which would be great, in theory. However...I can't even get this group to come up with an idea for our back to school party!!!! I've asked for volunteers to host a cartoon and donuts party, or a pool party, and had no takers.(my house is NOT central, and we don't have cable, so cartoons would not work here). So today I said we can just meet up for breakfast at a local Denny's, to make it easy. Not to mention, even the man saying this obviously hasn't checked the group email in 2 weeks! So no, I'm not going to sit back and hope others plan things. I made clear that others are welcome to plan additional events, and to put them on the calendar. But I'm making sure we have a certain amount on there for sure, so my son's needs get met.

 

Oh, and he said we should limit the group to 25 families, so that everyone can be close knit. My problem with that is twofold. First, we already have over 40 families, lol. Second, past experience has taught me that only about half of a yahoo based group, if that, can be expected to show up to field trips and such. And if we want a yearbook, to put on plays, etc we need a certain amount of people, again because not everyone will want to be involved. I think 50 families is a good limit, if we have one. That is still the equivalent of a very small school!

 

Now I'm looking at yearbook stuff and I have to choose between a company that is more difficult to use as far as their software, but that will allow each person to order their own book online, or a company that is easier to use, but will require me to collect payment from everyone and send it in all at once, when we order. I'm sure this guy, and those that chimed in with him, feel I should leave that decision up to the group. But to get the early bird discount I have to decide in the next week, and honestly I'd rather just decide on my own and they can live with it, lol. The prices are almost exactly the same.

 

Sorry for the length of this, I'm just feeling like I'm working really hard to make this special, with the idea that as people get involved I can hand over some responsibility, and now I am being told I should just let go and relax. Meanwhile I have people complaining that the back to school party is not convenient for them, could we do it a few weeks later? Um, it's a not back to school party, the whole point is it is at the beginning of the school year!

 

ugh.

 

I helped start a group 4 years ago that is successful and going strong. This will be my first year stepping back from leadership. First of all, YES you do need help and I would advise strongly getting together a leadership team that you feel share your vision and you enjoy working with. HOWEVER, as the founder of this group, you will still be the one pulling 95% of the load. It will continue this way all year, be prepared. Next year you will only pull 85% and the 3rd year you could be down to 75%. At that point you step back and let others run with it, you'll need a break.

 

Start with a solid foundation, (bylaws, leadership team, purpose statement, rules etc...) and build, revise based each year. Make a starting point, expect to work hard, expect to make mistakes, realize that as a leader you are a target. Be ready for that, EVERYONE has an opinion, that is why you need your foundation to support you. Don't give up, set your vision and pray hard. OH and don't try to do it all the first year. We had our first yearbook this year. I photographed MOST of the field-trips, took family and student yearbook pictures in a makeshift studio, and helped my daughter and her friend design it fully on my MAC. Finished it off at the printers and handed them out at the picnic. NOT something I would have done as well year 1.

Edited August 2, 2011 by Michelle My Bell