Witty Phrases or Remarks?

[*~Tina~*]

What are some funny and/or witty remarks or phrases you use or like? I need to update and expand my snarky vocabulary :D :lol:

[Perry]

What are some funny and/or witty remarks or phrases you use or like? I need to update and expand my snarky vocabulary :D :lol:

Have you read any of Harlan Coben's books? They are full of them.

[newlifemom]

I got nothing. There are times when I am witty, but it is never planned and trying to remember how I got there is difficult and typically, it is only luck in the first place.

[OrganicAnn]

Someone said my full name today and then asked if they pronounced it correctly (meaning my last name). I wanted to say "yes the second 'n' in Ann is silent" especially since it was someone I didn't like.

 

A dry cleaner told me a story about how her shy brother asked someone with our last name "How do you spell that?" when he was first working at he dry cleaners. The man (no relation to me) with a straight face said "T H A T"

 

Those could be adaptive for others. I think their is a fine line between witty come back and snarky reply.

[Sharon H in IL]

I read this in Reader's Digest (best joke book in the world):

 

Stuck in traffic, a man got fed up with the fellow behind him who was leaning on his horn. He got out, walked back to the horn-blower, tapped on his window, and said politely, "You summoned me?"

 

Only funny if you're a fan of P.G. Wodehouse, I suppose. I thought it was hilarious. :lol:

[elegantlion]

I'm on an Alice in Wonderland kick right now. Off with their heads is the only thing I've got right now.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

"How to Insult, Abuse, and Insinuate in Classical Latin."

 

http://www.amazon.com/insult-abuse-insinuate-classical-Latin/dp/076071018X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1311291147&sr=8-1

 

I LOVE this book. Talk about your snarky! And the best thing is most people won't understand what you're saying, but you'll sound really smart saying it :D

[Kathleen in VA]

When someone says something I think is silly, uninformed, riduculous, etc. I borrow a line from Pride and Prejudice - "You think that if it gives you comfort."

 

I use quite a lot from all those Jane Austen movies, but not many are popping into my head just now. They aren't necessarily witty or snarky so much as fit for the occasion.

 

If someone says something obvious we say, "Thank you, Mary." (from the scene where she goes on and on about women losing their virtue, etc.)

 

I think I got this one from these boards - perhaps from a movie. When asked a rude question, I sometimes reply, "I'm not sure it's any of your business."

[*~Tina~*]

Have you read any of Harlan Coben's books? They are full of them.

 

Nope, what would be a good one to start with?

 

I got nothing. There are times when I am witty, but it is never planned and trying to remember how I got there is difficult and typically, it is only luck in the first place.

 

:lol:

 

A dry cleaner told me a story about how her shy brother asked someone with our last name "How do you spell that?" when he was first working at he dry cleaners. The man (no relation to me) with a straight face said "T H A T"

 

Those could be adaptive for others. I think their is a fine line between witty come back and snarky reply.

:lol:

I think I cross that line frequently, and I'm mostly okay with that :lol::lol:

 

 

I read this in Reader's Digest (best joke book in the world):

 

Stuck in traffic, a man got fed up with the fellow behind him who was leaning on his horn. He got out, walked back to the horn-blower, tapped on his window, and said politely, "You summoned me?"

 

Only funny if you're a fan of P.G. Wodehouse, I suppose. I thought it was hilarious. :lol:

 

:D

 

I'm on an Alice in Wonderland kick right now. Off with their heads is the only thing I've got right now.

 

I like that one - I know we've picked up some others from books but I can't remember any right now!!

 

"How to Insult, Abuse, and Insinuate in Classical Latin."

 

http://www.amazon.com/insult-abuse-insinuate-classical-Latin/dp/076071018X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1311291147&sr=8-1

 

I LOVE this book. Talk about your snarky! And the best thing is most people won't understand what you're saying, but you'll sound really smart saying it :D

 

In my cart! That is right up my alley! :D

 

When someone says something I think is silly, uninformed, riduculous, etc. I borrow a line from Pride and Prejudice - "You think that if it gives you comfort."

 

I use quite a lot from all those Jane Austen movies, but not many are popping into my head just now. They aren't necessarily witty or snarky so much as fit for the occasion.

 

If someone says something obvious we say, "Thank you, Mary." (from the scene where she goes on and on about women losing their virtue, etc.)

 

I think I got this one from these boards - perhaps from a movie. When asked a rude question, I sometimes reply, "I'm not sure it's any of your business."

 

I can use those - hee, hee!

[KrissiK]

I am never quick on my feet. I always think of a witty comeback about an hour after the fact. And they're never that witty anyhow.:glare:

[Dandelion]

My DS8 likes to use this line from Willy Wonka a lot: "I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted in writing." ;)

 

As for me, I kind of make up my witty/snarky comebacks as I go (I find I'm at my best that way)... :tongue_smilie:

[Monkey Island Academy]

I am never quick on my feet. I always think of a witty comeback about an hour after the fact. And they're never that witty anyhow.:glare:

 

You know, the French have a word for that:

 

esprit d'escalier -usually translated as "staircase wit", is the act of thinking of a response, argument or clever comeback when it is too late to deliver it. The phrase can be used to describe a riposte to an insult or any witty remark that comes to mind too late to be useful, after one has left the scene of the encounter. The phenomenon is usually accompanied by a feeling of regret at not having thought of the retort when it was most needed or suitable.

[Kathleen in VA]

My DS8 likes to use this line from Willy Wonka a lot: "I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted in writing." ;)

 

As for me, I kind of make up my witty/snarky comebacks as I go (I find I'm at my best that way)... :tongue_smilie:

 

I like this!!

 

I thought of another one we use all the time around here. Whenever some says, "I did this or that (fill in the blank with whatever they did) - especially if it is something on the lame side," they usually get asked, "Do you consider that a worthy accomplishment Mr. _________ (or Miss __________)? This quote comes from the pilot movie for LIttle House on the Prairie - Ma asks it of Mr. Edwards when he is teaching Laura how to spit.:D

[Twigs]

If the slightest thing goes right, I'll say "Life is exciting" in the most plain, matter of fact way (no excitment in my voice). Everyone at work knows I say that. (Even though it really.is.exciting if anything goes right!)

[cin]

"How to Insult, Abuse, and Insinuate in Classical Latin."

 

http://www.amazon.com/insult-abuse-insinuate-classical-Latin/dp/076071018X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1311291147&sr=8-1

 

I LOVE this book. Talk about your snarky! And the best thing is most people won't understand what you're saying, but you'll sound really smart saying it :D

 

Paperback Swap rocks! I can't wait to learn some of these!

 

 

My current fave with the kids are: Mom's not here, leave a message, what part of >fill in the blank< don't you understand?, and don't get your panties in a bunch.

[KrissiK]

You know, the French have a word for that:

 

esprit d'escalier -usually translated as "staircase wit", is the act of thinking of a response, argument or clever comeback when it is too late to deliver it. The phrase can be used to describe a riposte to an insult or any witty remark that comes to mind too late to be useful, after one has left the scene of the encounter. The phenomenon is usually accompanied by a feeling of regret at not having thought of the retort when it was most needed or suitable.

That about sums it up! :D

[LaxMom]

I am rather fond, lately, of "ooooh! Somebody's wearing their Captain Obvious panties today!" with over the top cheer. Particulary useful when one of my very young male coworkers points out the obvious, like they think I'm senile.

[duckens]

To explain bizarre activity or choice of another:

 

"Well, everybody needs a hobby."

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

"How to Insult, Abuse, and Insinuate in Classical Latin."

 

http://www.amazon.com/insult-abuse-insinuate-classical-Latin/dp/076071018X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1311291147&sr=8-1

 

I LOVE this book. Talk about your snarky! And the best thing is most people won't understand what you're saying, but you'll sound really smart saying it :D

 

From the book:

"Ah, lassitudeinem hercle verba tua mihi addunt, enicas."

Everything you say is so unbearably borring, by Hercules, that it's murder by monotony.-Plautus, Mercator

 

"Certo scio, occisam saepe sapere plus multo suem."

I'm quite sure that a stuck pig is regularly more discerning than you.-Plautus, Miles Gloriosus

 

"Vastus animus."

His mind is one vast wasteland.-Sallust, Bellum Catilinae

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

To explain bizarre activity or choice of another:

 

"Well, everybody needs a hobby."

 

:lol:

 

My DS8 likes to use this line from Willy Wonka a lot: "I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted in writing." ;)

 

:lol:

 

I read this in Reader's Digest (best joke book in the world):

 

Stuck in traffic, a man got fed up with the fellow behind him who was leaning on his horn. He got out, walked back to the horn-blower, tapped on his window, and said politely, "You summoned me?"

 

 

Definitely the best joke book ever. I always hoped that I'd have something funny enough that they would pay me for it, but that has yet to happen.

 

When someone says something I think is silly, uninformed, riduculous, etc. I borrow a line from Pride and Prejudice - "You think that if it gives you comfort."

 

I use quite a lot from all those Jane Austen movies, but not many are popping into my head just now. They aren't necessarily witty or snarky so much as fit for the occasion.

 

If someone says something obvious we say, "Thank you, Mary." (from the scene where she goes on and on about women losing their virtue, etc.)

 

 

Love it!

[Rosie_0801]

Well my favorite Red Dwarf quote is "You're uglier than the grim reaper's passport photo." That cracks me up every time.

 

Happily I have few occasions to use it.

 

Rosie

[GWOB]

"And how's that working for you?" is one of my favorites. (Thank you baby-who-would-not-sleep and late-night Dr. Phil)

 

I know the SNL people made "Really?!?!" big, but I've been saying that since 7th grade.;) Yep, gonna take credit for that one.

 

You seem like a nice, respectable lady:tongue_smilie:. I won't go into all my completely inappropriate witty comments.

[LibraryLover]

:bigear: Some of these are great!

 

I just can't think of where I might use them.

 

I must look scary or mean. I so rarely have people (beyond drunk men in Vegas) who say anything odd to me. I have gotten the " Are they all yours?" question many times. I've always answered, "Sometimes you get what you wish for"-- that has always been wonderful to say ---and very well recieved.

[*~Tina~*]

My DS8 likes to use this line from Willy Wonka a lot: "I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted in writing." ;)

 

As for me, I kind of make up my witty/snarky comebacks as I go (I find I'm at my best that way)...:

 

I like that....boy it would drive my kids batty though :D

 

You know, the French have a word for that:

 

esprit d'escalier -usually translated as "staircase wit", is the act of thinking of a response, argument or clever comeback when it is too late to deliver it. The phrase can be used to describe a riposte to an insult or any witty remark that comes to mind too late to be useful, after one has left the scene of the encounter. The phenomenon is usually accompanied by a feeling of regret at not having thought of the retort when it was most needed or suitable.

 

:lol: I know a lot of people like this! I'm usually the opposite I spout off and then later wish I would have kept quiet. I have to remind myself not every thought it worth putting to words!

 

 

I like this!!

 

I thought of another one we use all the time around here. Whenever some says, "I did this or that (fill in the blank with whatever they did) - especially if it is something on the lame side," they usually get asked, "Do you consider that a worthy accomplishment Mr. _________ (or Miss __________)? This quote comes from the pilot movie for LIttle House on the Prairie - Ma asks it of Mr. Edwards when he is teaching Laura how to spit.

 

I haven't seen any Austin movies - are these said with a certain air?

 

"And how's that working for you?" is one of my favorites. (Thank you baby-who-would-not-sleep and late-night Dr. Phil)

 

I know the SNL people made "Really?!?!" big, but I've been saying that since 7th grade.;) Yep, gonna take credit for that one.

 

You seem like a nice, respectable lady:tongue_smilie:. I won't go into all my completely inappropriate witty comments.

 

I've frequently used the Dr. Phil one - like that too :D yep, we were sarcastically saying "really" ages ago :lol:

 

Some of these are great!

 

I just can't think of where I might use them.

 

I must look scary or mean. I so rarely have people (beyond drunk men in Vegas) who say anything odd to me. I have gotten the " Are they all yours?" question many times. I've always answered, "Sometimes you get what you wish for"-- that has always been wonderful to say ---and very well recieved.

 

I love that response :D

[FrogMom5]

Well my favorite Red Dwarf quote is "You're uglier than the grim reaper's passport photo." That cracks me up every time.

 

Happily I have few occasions to use it.

 

Rosie

 

We loved Red Dwarf! Wish we could still see it.

 

I'm only witty when I'm not trying to be witty. I can be a bit snarky if I'm cranky and someone is particularly annoying. When someone is whining, complaining or criticizing I'll say, "You'll be alright," in a very flat voice.

 

Like a previous poster, I've also said, "And how's that working for you?" When I am asked, "Can I ask you a question," I've responded, "Ok, but only one." See, I'm not very witty.

Denise

[dhudson]

My two favorites for my kids are:

 

"Are you new here?" used when they ask things like, "can we buy frosted flakes?" gleefully stolen from someone here on the board.

 

"Change your face" used when my kids have attitudes showing on the outside. Means change your attitude but is so much more effective. Stolen from one of our Pastors' Mom.

 

For general life:

 

"Sleep is for the weak" used any time I am over committing, stolen from my bf.

 

"How do you really feel?" when anyone is going over the top.

 

"Is that what you are going with?" generally used towards children trying to concoct a story.

 

And of course, the classic standby, "Bless your heart", which as most of you know can be used in almost any situation. From, "that color is awful on you, bless your heart" to " I would never use that curriculum, bless your heart.". In my crowd if someone blesses your heart you know you have been insulted in some fashion. The quiet ones who pull this off are priceless.