Koerarmoca Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 let's say you have 4 kids. Live in socially economically disadvantaged area. Extra curricular are hard to come by and the budget really isn't there for sports and such. You have a decent homeschooling group but people are busy with life and get togethers are few and far between. And you have not found a new church home or fellowship. At what point do you worry about socialization? is socializing with your family enough? ps excuse the typos typing on ipod. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 I would look to your kids. Are they getting along? Do they seem happy? Don't forget to try the library for activities. I am always surprised what they have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarreymere Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 We live outside a small town in a rural area and we didn't have a vehicle at all for the last six months or so. We don't have the money for the summer camps or sports. I say this so you can see that I can understand your concerns. When we do go to a playground a couple miles away, my kids are friendly and able to play with other kids, my younger one (age 4) is a little shy but that is more his personality. When we do meet up with adult neighbors, my kids are able to talk with them and ask and answer questions and generally act normally. They always greet the rural mail guy when he comes by, and they respond appropriately with small talk with the local librarians. In my opinion, since they are able to act normally out in public among strangers they are appropriately socialized. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 The girls play with each other. We go to the library a lot. We go to playgrounds in the area, both indoor and outdoor. I'm not the slightest bit worried about socialization. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflymommy Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 I am in a similar boat. We are ok financially but have so many kids, we can't afford private lessons for all of them. Art classes run $250 for 2 1/2 months here. Music lessons are astronomical. Even the YMCA wants a $1500 membership fee plus the classes are an arm and a leg. The HS groups near me tend to be very extremist one way or the other-- very christian/ restrictive about letting you in (you have to sign a statement of faith), or very hippy/ unschooling. We sort of feel like we're in no man's land. On top of that I suffer from extreme fatigue so my social life went the way of the dodo a few years ago. I feel lucky if I can just keep the kids clothed, clean, fed, and get them to do a basic level of schooling on any given day. Socializing or doing get togethers seems like something from a far away dimension! So I too wonder if I should worry about socialization. I have had them in school and the "socialization" they got there left a lot to be desired. :glare: I have one extreme "loner" but my other kids play together constantly, seem happy, excited, vibrant, only occasionally complain about being bored. When we're at a playground they have no problem playing with other kids. So i don't really see any problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2_girls_mommy Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 I would make every effort to find time to connect with some of those people from the busy hsers group. I just went around the neighborhood today with my dd6 to invite kids to her bday party. I went to the home of one child whose mother is from another country and that I have only met once to invite them to our house. My dd and the child talk through the fence all of the time, and I know they wanted to get together. So I just had to be a little uncomfortable and show up on their doorstep to introduce myself and invite them all over. I have done this kind of thing often since they were babies. I met people at the library when they were toddlers by just talking and inviting people to go to the park with us. Eventually I meet people that we are close with and that also want to make friends and do get togethers. They don't have to be expensive. We just have people to our house and meet at parks and that kind of thing. But I make sure that we get out and do or have friends over to do things. Last week I had a hsing family over and the kids made up a play with costumes and everything. I had to invite the family over to do it, my oldest had to write a play and we made costumes, etc. Kids had a blast. I gave up feeling silly inviting people over to do corny things. Turns out most hsers are just as corny as we are :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koerarmoca Posted July 12, 2011 Author Share Posted July 12, 2011 My kids are very social with other chldren and adults. But they fight constantly with one another otherwise they are happy/well adjusted. I think som of the figthin comes from so many strong personalities in the home too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Critterfixer Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 I'm actually thinking about working through The Art of Conversation for Kids with my two boys this year. They get along well with others, but I'd like for them to work on some things that would be taken for granted if they went to Public or Private School. Not that they ought to be....:glare: I've had conversation with children from these institutions that left a lot to be desired. So far a policy of relative isolationism hasn't seemed to result in any consequences that I'm not delighted with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara in AZ Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 My children do participate in many activities, but I find I have the same concerns you do. In reality, when they are at swim team they are swimming. When they are at karate, they are practicing karate, you know what I mean? They're busy and not really making friends while doing those activities. We do have a small group of homeschoolers that we meet with regularly with several kids they're ages. DD was recently telling me she would like to make more friends, though.... I just wanted to give you some perspective that doing lots of activities doesn't automatically equal lots of socialization or friend making. So don't feel so bad about not doing them on that account. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mallory Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 These are my feelings on socialization. Most people can socialize on the surface okay or well. They can ask the store clerk where something is, or wait in line at the post office, or not cause fights at work, and get along in general. But when I look around a see how so many families in this country don't do so well, I don't feel like I am doing any harm by having my kids mostly "socialize" with the rest of thier family and our (very) few close friends. Dh always brings up what did people do when everyone lived on farms? When there were no cars to transport you from place to place. They mostly had their siblings to play with and possibly a neighbor a few miles away. :iagree:That said, I think that some socialization things were more explicitly taught. I think that some of them were just manners/etiquette kind of things, but I think that being a good conversationalist is something you worked at. To the point that your mom probably helped you make a mental list of topics and questions that would fill the blank spaces if you were going to some event. Along with this I think went the understood idea that you were going to be polite pretty much no matter what. So even though you might be feeling a little uncomfortable or out of place you wouldn't be fidgeting or whining about playing your DS. So yes I think that socializing with your family is probably enough. But I don't think you can hurt by doing a few formal lessons in manners and having conversations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuckoomamma Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 In the book, Hold On To Your Kids, the author talks about how most children benefit more from relationships with adults, rather than peers. Our girls do take have an extracurricular most afternoons. However, it wasn't always the case, and we've been happy with who they are. FWIW, they take ballet on most days and it's more of an individual development activity, not peers hanging out and playing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geo Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 What about 4-H at the local Co-operative Extension Office? They have lots of worthwhile activities, not just agricultural groups. Geo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 I love this tshirt on zazzle: 'HOMESCHOOL: Civilized is better than socialized' :lol Have to tell my DH about this one!! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warneral Posted July 12, 2011 Share Posted July 12, 2011 I love this tshirt on zazzle: 'HOMESCHOOL: Civilized is better than socialized' :lol :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amsunshine Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 I love this tshirt on zazzle: 'HOMESCHOOL: Civilized is better than socialized' :lol :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Critterfixer Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 The Art of Conversation is a game. I've not bought it yet. Rainbow Resource has it listed, and the kids one is Children's Conversations. It will be work for me, that's for sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jc762 Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 I wouldn't let yourself get concerned over financially not being able to afford things that supposedly provide socialization - I agree with the comment that when our kids are in classes, they're singing, skating, doing karate, etc - not necessarily playing and spending time with friends. I'd encourage you to stay connected with the HSing group and invite people over or offering out play dates at a local park. Connect with libraries - maybe see if others are interested in getting involved in some type of co-op where you can offer a class and other Moms can also offer classes the kids might be interested in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehogs4 Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 It seems to me that people who lived in the pioneer days who saw nothing of anyone except their families for months and a few scattered strangers didn't worry that much about socialization. That is not to compare us to pioneers--but seriously, can they have a conversation, use appropriate manners when the situation calls for it, and do they welcome contact with other when the opportunities present themselves? This "socialization" thing bugs me...it's a made-up concept by the public school system and our modern society. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyWifeandMommy Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 My kids are very social with other chldren and adults. But they fight constantly with one another otherwise they are happy/well adjusted. I think som of the figthin comes from so many strong personalities in the home too. sounds like my kids. right before getting on here I had to give 2 time outs for behavior with my youngest two. now they all seem to be getting along, for now. along with everyone having different personalities, we live in tight quarters and it's just too darn hot. When I get concern hubby and I talk and look at the big picture and that seems to help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmosis Mom Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Well, I wold not underestimate the need to get out and socialize. It doesn't have to cost money to be out and about and meet friends and pseudo-friends, but I definitely do not think being around people should get underestimated. I have introverts and extroverts amongst my eight children and we have had times with money and not, times when health etc. forced me to stay home and it definitely affected the kids. I do think the socially awkward kids I have seen have been homeschoolers because it is so easy for the introverted (or isolated) mother to just stay home, but I most certainly think it backfires. Sorry for this "controversial" viewpoint. I know people here like to think homeschoolers get socialized from being at home, but I don't buy it. I am btw not saying that you only get socialized from peers. I am talking about being out and about, talking andmeeting people from different age-brackets and kinds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 I would look to your kids. Are they getting along? Do they seem happy? Don't forget to try the library for activities. I am always surprised what they have. :iagree: If your kids seem well-adjusted and they interact well with other kids when you do have get-togethers, then I think you shouldn't worry too much. I completely agree with checking out what the library has to offer. Our local library has story time at least 2 or 3 times a week, as well as art/craft activities, kids shows (including magicians, balloon artists, musicians, live animal presentations), a weekly movie night, and even an occasional sleepover! And it's all free! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted July 13, 2011 Share Posted July 13, 2011 Honestly, I think socialization is the hardest part of homeschooling. It's not that my kids can't hold a conversation, it's that they are lonely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
source of joy Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 Well, I wold not underestimate the need to get out and socialize. It doesn't have to cost money to be out and about and meet friends and pseudo-friends, but I definitely do not think being around people should get underestimated. I have introverts and extroverts amongst my eight children and we have had times with money and not, times when health etc. forced me to stay home and it definitely affected the kids. I do think the socially awkward kids I have seen have been homeschoolers because it is so easy for the introverted (or isolated) mother to just stay home, but I most certainly think it backfires. Sorry for this "controversial" viewpoint. I know people here like to think homeschoolers get socialized from being at home, but I don't buy it. I am btw not saying that you only get socialized from peers. I am talking about being out and about, talking andmeeting people from different age-brackets and kinds. WSS is very true from my experience. I've been homeschooling for 8 years now. I've had to drop a lot of high energy drainers from our social calendar which gave my children an outing since I developed Fibromyalgia three years ago. It's been hard(It feels like I'm letting my children down) and I still haven't found a new 'normal' that seems healthy enough in this area of socialization. We were created to be with others and not just for our own benefit here on earth...Any suggestions welcome.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
source of joy Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 Honestly, I think socialization is the hardest part of homeschooling. It's not that my kids can't hold a conversation, it's that they are lonely. WSS Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TracyR Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 You sound like you live in my area. LOL Anyways no, I'm not worried. I have four girls and they have moments where they get on each others nerves they really enjoy each other's company. We get out the best we can , and participate in what we can. We go to the park, our local YMCA has a lunch program, get out to the churches, etc. My girls attended school last year and they did just fine socially. They aren't social misfits by any stretch of the means. Just recently I found out after living in our area for 7yrs that there was a homeschooling family that lived close by us. Gesh. All these years I tried to make friends with other homeschoolers and they just weren't interested. This year is definitely different for us and I'm really happy about it. The family has two girls and they all get along so very well together. Just today we came back from a playdate and we p lanned on doing an art class this year with the kids together once or twice a month!!! So give it time. Sadly it took us 8yrs , but it happens. You will find your groove and in the meantime your children will be just fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penelope Posted July 21, 2011 Share Posted July 21, 2011 (edited) I think that some socialization things were more explicitly taught. I think that some of them were just manners/etiquette kind of things, but I think that being a good conversationalist is something you worked at. To the point that your mom probably helped you make a mental list of topics and questions that would fill the blank spaces if you were going to some event. Along with this I think went the understood idea that you were going to be polite pretty much no matter what. So even though you might be feeling a little uncomfortable or out of place you wouldn't be fidgeting or whining about playing your DS. . Like. Edited July 21, 2011 by Penelope Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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