redsnapper Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 My sister, a 5th grade teacher, was just here for a visit. She noticed that my ds8 would not maintain eye contact with anyone. She brought to my attention as it may mean a behavioral or other development problem. Any thoughts or experience with this? To be concerned, or NOT to be concerned, that is the question. My son is very smart, loves being with boys his age, adores his little sister, and I thought was a normal 8yo boy. But when I started googling the eye contact thing, it was listed with several other "symptoms" that can signify a social/behavioral development problem. Some of the symptoms he also has is: 1. Does not pay attention or stay focused on an activity for as long a time as other children of the same age (which can also be normal for boys) 2. Focuses on unusual objects for long periods of time (Legos); enjoys this more than interacting with others 3. Avoids or rarely makes eye contact with others 4. Gets unusually frustrated when trying to do simple tasks that most children of the same age can do (though it's more when he needs to do something that pulls him away from any of his chosen activities in which he's been focused on for a long period of time.) 5. Shows aggressive behaviors and acting out and appears to be very stubborn compared with other children 6. Displays violent behaviors on a daily basis (though it's more that he shows an impressive temper when bossed by his older sister or something he sees as unfair) 7. Does not seek love and approval from a caregiver or parent (doesn't seem to covet approval from anyone, unless it's in response to him showing us his latest lego creation, etc.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Those symptoms would be enough for me to start a conversation with his pediatrician. For comparison, my Ds 8 avoids eye contact when he is feeling nervous (meeting someone new, talking to adults), but has no issues making eye contact with friends and family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 (edited) I think....Based on your parenthetical remarks, he is fine, just an individual. A lot of those really seemed to be stretching it to call it an issue. However, I think it is wise, if you're concerned, to seek a professional opinion; but the chances there is something way off with your kiddo and you never noticed ANYTHING? Not likely. Also not likely that the pediatrician and other adults in the child's life never noticed it. Edited July 7, 2011 by 2J5M9K was gonna add a lot but decided just a little... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 It's the adding all together that makes it concerning. Not to diagnose, but it sounds like Aspie-ness--We are all on the spectrum at some point ( it's a continuum, after all! :001_smile:), but maybe he's closer to Aspie than not--good to get it checked out, even if it's nothing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacie Leigh Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 I think....Based on your parenthetical remarks, he is fine, just an individual. A lot of those really seemed to be stretching it to call it an issue. However, I think it is wise, if you're concerned, to seek a professional opinion. I agree. :) If I wanted to push the envelope, I could have my 8 year old diagnosed with several things. He has very poor focus in general but excessive focus if he is reading, watching TV or doing legos. You practically have to get right in his face if he's reading and you want his attention. Someone recently suggested to me that he might have OCD. If I go read the description, I can stretch enough of his tendencies into that mold, but the truth is, he does not suffer from OCD. If, up til now, you have thought of him as healthy and normal, he probably is! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacie Leigh Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 It's the adding all together that makes it concerning. Not to diagnose, but it sounds like Aspie-ness--We are all on the spectrum at some point ( it's a continuum, after all! :001_smile:), but maybe he's closer to Aspie than not--good to get it checked out, even if it's nothing. My sister was majoring in early childhood education and just took a couple of classes on development and such and suddenly she dx'd everyone in the family with Asperger's and multiple other things. If you look for it, you will find it, lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwg Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 I would prob start by just gently telling him that some people think it is rude not to look people in the eye so he needs to make an effort to do that and see if that doesn't fix it. Like it is no big deal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 I don't see harm in getting evaluated. I see more (possible) harm in not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 All of those symptoms are also very normal traits to have. It is an extreme of the traits that makes it non-normal. I wouldn't seek an evaluation at this point. (If you look, you will probably find has been my experience. Even when it turns out there wasn't actually anything there at all.) I would stick it in the back of my mind and be aware. Also, think about your sister. Is she one to be very laid back, or tend to be a bit more bullish? There are some people who might point things out about my kids that I turn a deaf ear on. Others would have me rushing for the doctor at their gentle questioning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 I would prob start by just gently telling him that some people think it is rude not to look people in the eye so he needs to make an effort to do that and see if that doesn't fix it. Like it is no big deal. Yep. Ds had to be taught. We just had to remind him a few times, and it was fine. Also, some people are just more introverted. Like others have said, I could read lists of symptoms and stretch to diagnose him with many things. Different children have different personalities. Having a personality that isn't exactly like everyone else's is not a disorder. :001_smile: If he starts to have a very difficult time getting along with other people, and your correction doesn't bring him in line enough to fix it, then I would start thinking about talking to the doctor. Or if you work with him on the eye contact thing, and he doesn't seem to be able to do it, even when directly told to do so, I might worry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 Have you ever had questions about your little guy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted July 6, 2011 Share Posted July 6, 2011 My son is very smart, loves being with boys his age, adores his little sister, and I thought was a normal 8yo boy. But when I started googling the eye contact thing, it was listed with several other "symptoms" that can signify a social/behavioral development problem. Some of the symptoms he also has is: 1. Does not pay attention or stay focused on an activity for as long a time as other children of the same age (which can also be normal for boys) 2. Focuses on unusual objects for long periods of time (Legos); enjoys this more than interacting with others3. Avoids or rarely makes eye contact with others 4. Gets unusually frustrated when trying to do simple tasks that most children of the same age can do (though it's more when he needs to do something that pulls him away from any of his chosen activities in which he's been focused on for a long period of time.) 5. Shows aggressive behaviors and acting out and appears to be very stubborn compared with other children 6. Displays violent behaviors on a daily basis (though it's more that he shows an impressive temper when bossed by his older sister or something he sees as unfair) 7. Does not seek love and approval from a caregiver or parent (doesn't seem to covet approval from anyone, unless it's in response to him showing us his latest lego creation, etc.) I bolded the items that, as a group, show spectrum possibilities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 (edited) Your list raises some red flags for me, and I would most likely seek a professional evaluation. If he is functioning well and you are not having any major problems with him, then I can understand a reluctance to seek professional help for what is, at this point, a non-issue. The red flags raised in my mind are along the autistic spectrum. On my current caseload is a child with very similar behaviors as your son (and the same age), and he is a lower functioning Aspergers/higher functioning autistic kiddo. (eta: He also has ADHD.) Edited July 7, 2011 by texasmama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenL Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 I bolded the items that, as a group, show spectrum possibilities. :iagree: My son is similar, except for #7. After much research, keeping track of his behaviors for a couple of years, and many discussions with his pediatrician, he has been diagnosed with ADHD - Inattentive with borderline hyperactive. I was absolutely shocked at the behaviors that ADHD will exhibit; many are on your list. It doesn't hurt to seek an opinion, and it doesn't have to be immediately either. You can observe him and track his behaviors for a while longer if that helps you. Or, if you want, you can do nothing at all. For me, I always "knew" something was amiss with my son, although I was originally hesitant to pursue it further. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KellieMI Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 My son is 8, soon to be 9 and sounds very similar to your son. We've always considered him "quirky" and lately I have been doing some reading on Asperger's as well. Thank you for your post and also those who have commented. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleIzumi Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 My brother didn't learn to look people in the eye & stand up straight until he was on a mission as a young adult & realized people wouldn't believe him if he didn't look remotely confident. I'd keep an eye on it, but a lot of kids love Legos and reading and get absorbed in it & don't want to be interrupted. I don't want to be interrupted while reading as an adult, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maus Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 When I heard some similar things about my son, I really thought a lot about what to do. I finally decided it boiled down to this: What will it change if your son gets diagnosed with one of those disorders? Will you medicate? Seek special services? If so, then get the opinion of your pediatrician and act on his or her advice. If not, the diagnosis won't change who he is. And it shouldn't significantly change how you interact with him. (In the end, I did discuss it with our family practitioner. Along the lines of, "I don't think this is true, but some people have suggested my son is...." In our case, she agreed with me.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Endorphins Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 (edited) My sister was majoring in early childhood education and just took a couple of classes on development and such and suddenly she dx'd everyone in the family with Asperger's and multiple other things. If you look for it, you will find it, lol! I was an office manager of a busy pediatric office. I agree, if you look for it, you will find it. I saw a lot of this. If you only just started realizing symptoms after she mentioned it, I would simply file it away for future reference. But...you have to go with your gut. Edited July 7, 2011 by Endorphins Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Yep. Ds had to be taught. We just had to remind him a few times, and it was fine. Also, some people are just more introverted. Like others have said, I could read lists of symptoms and stretch to diagnose him with many things. Different children have different personalities. Having a personality that isn't exactly like everyone else's is not a disorder. :001_smile: If he starts to have a very difficult time getting along with other people, and your correction doesn't bring him in line enough to fix it, then I would start thinking about talking to the doctor. Or if you work with him on the eye contact thing, and he doesn't seem to be able to do it, even when directly told to do so, I might worry. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsnapper Posted July 7, 2011 Author Share Posted July 7, 2011 Wow! Thanks so much for your feedback. =) "Maus" echoed some of my thinking. While my ds's "symptoms" may or may not reflect something, what would that really change? I already work hard to determine the best ways to work with my kids' quirks; medicating would be the last thing on my list, a last resort; and I still would do many basic things the same. I will definitely keep an eye out on those things I've noticed, to see if we can work with them, or if he grows out of them. If it is still concerning I'll talk to his doctor. I guess my major concern was that there might be a reason to take action ASAP. I'm so thankful for this forum. As a parent so often we just need to know we're not the only ones... Blessings! -Melissa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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