WiseOwlKnits Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 What's your favorite kid-friendly joke? Here's mine: Q: What kind of tree fits in your hand? A: A palm tree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I got this one off the boards years ago. Knock-Knock. Who's There? Interrupting Cow. Interrupting Cow w.... MOOOOO!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rivka Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Q. What's the difference between a moose and an ant? A. A moose has antlers, but an ant doesn't have moose-lers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plain jane Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Why did the little girl blush when she opened the fridge? A: Because she saw the salad dressing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theYoungerMrsWarde Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 what do you get if you cross an adult with a moan? a groan up!! what do you get when two peas fight? black eyed peas!! where did the smart butter go? on the honor roll!! what did one firefly say to the other firefly? you glow girl!! What did the cat say when he was told a bad joke? Are you kitten' me??!? who made up fractions? henry the 1/8th!! what did one snowman say to the other? do you smell carrots?? why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? in case he got a hole in one!! what happened when the grape got stepped on? it let out a little wine!!! why did the king go to the dentist? to get his teeth crowned!! why did the pony cough? he was a little horse!! what happens when frogs park illegally? they get toad!! why was the broom late? it over swept!! why couldn't the sesame seed leave the casino? he was on a roll!! what did the big chimney say to the little chimney? you're too young to smoke!! why did the tomato blush? he saw the salad dressing!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluezoo5 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 What kind of sweater does a pirate wear? Aaarrrrgggyle (best when said in a gravelly pirate voice) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theYoungerMrsWarde Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 why were the early days of history called the dark ages? because there were so many knights!! what do you call a rock group with four men that don't sing? mount rushmore!! why couldn't dracula's wife sleep? because of his coffin!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belacqua Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WiseOwlKnits Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 what do you get when two peas fight? black eyed peas!! This is her favorite so far! Thanks guys! Keep them coming! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WiseOwlKnits Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 why were the early days of history called the dark ages? because there were so many knights!! I asked her this one and she replied back, "Because they didn't write anything down." I had to go back and tell her, "It's a joke. Just say why." Darn SOTW! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plain jane Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A. Frostbite. How do you make a tissue dance? A. Put a little boogey in it! Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? A. Because then it would be a foot! What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? A. Dam! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 A good joke for around Thanksgiving. Which side of a Turkey has the most feathers. The outside. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatA Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 What did the girl pig say to the boy pig? You're HAM-some! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plain jane Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 What did one wall say to the other wall? A. I'll meet you at the corner. What do you do with a blue whale? A. Try to cheer him up! Why do birds fly south for the winter? A. Its easier than walking! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiztrezzLyn Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 LOL I love em! My 6 year old will get a kick out of these. My 2 year old loves to do the interrupting cow joke, that and her other favorite is: Knock Knock Who's there? Boo Boo Who? Aww, Don't cry! Then there is this joke my son found: Where do cows go on vacation? Moo York! When my son was 4 he read this joke in his joke book, he waited HOURS for his dad to come home from work, excited to ask this cows question. Dad walks in, he asks the joke and Dad says "Hmm..Moo York?" My son was in tears he was so disappointed LOL I haven't ever let him live that down, he says that he never expected that to be the answer :confused1: He felt REALLY REALLY bad that he ruined our son's joke lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alphabetika Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I got this one off the boards years ago. Knock-Knock. Who's There? Interrupting Cow. Interrupting Cow w.... MOOOOO!!!!!!! This one makes me laugh every time I hear it. I think it's because it's a cow. A chicken might be funny, too. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Where does a general keep his armies? In his sleevies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 LOL I love em! My 6 year old will get a kick out of these. My 2 year old loves to do the interrupting cow joke, that and her other favorite is: Knock Knock Who's there? Boo Boo Who? Aww, Don't cry! Then there is this joke my son found: Where do cows go on vacation? Moo York! When my son was 4 he read this joke in his joke book, he waited HOURS for his dad to come home from work, excited to ask this cows question. Dad walks in, he asks the joke and Dad says "Hmm..Moo York?" My son was in tears he was so disappointed LOL I haven't ever let him live that down, he says that he never expected that to be the answer :confused1: He felt REALLY REALLY bad that he ruined our son's joke lol Have him tell this one (it's guessable, but I'll bet Dad learned his lesson): Where do sheep go on vacation? The Baaaahamas! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2jjka Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 How are a comma and a cat different? One has the clause before the pause, and the other has the paws before the claws Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BatmansWife Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 (edited) Here are some of my dd's favorites: What do you call a fish with no eye (i)? Fsh. (say fish without the i in it...) What does a duck do when he flies upside down? He quacks up. Why is 6 afraid of 7 (I know this is old....but the kid loves it)? Because 7 ate 9. What did the Mexican firefighter name his twins? Hose A (Jose) and Hose B. A man was driving around with a pig wondering what to do with it. A policeman stopped him and the man asked what he should do with the pig. The policman said, "Take that pig to the zoo". The next day the policeman saw the man driving around with the pig again. He pulled him over and said, "I thought I told you to take that pig to the zoo!" The man said, "I did. And we had so much fun....today we're goin' to the ballgame!" A blind man went into the store with his seeing eye dog. He began swinging the dog, by the leash, around and around above his head. The manager said, "Can I help you?" The blind man said, "Nah...I'm just lookin' around". A duck went into a pharmacy to buy some chapstick. He took it up to the counter and the clerk asked, "Will this be cash or charge?" The duck said, "Just put it on my bill". Pete & Repeat were out in a boat. Pete fell in. Who was left? Repeat. Pete & Repeat were out in a boat. Pete fell in. Who was left? Repeat. Pete & Repeat..... (this can go on and on with many giggles) An indian chief and his wife went to a restaurant. The chief wanted more hot sauce. He said, "More hot. More hot." The wife added more hot sauce. He kept saying, "More hot. More hot." Finally he took a big bite. "Too hot! Too hot!" He guzzled down his water. Then guzzled down her water. He said, "Squaw....more water! More water!" The wife ran with her empty glass to the ladies room and came back with a glass full of water. He guzzled it down and said, "Squaw....more water! More water!" She ran back to the restroom but took several minutes to come back. Finally she came back with another glass of water. He guzzled it down and went "Ahhhhh!" Then he said, "Squaw....what took you so long??" She said, "White woman sitting on well." (ewww....) Knock knock. Who's there? Eat mop. Eat mop who? (at this point the joke pretty much fizzles out with giggles) Here's her favorite right now (dh is a kidder!): What's the difference between a shower curtain and toilet paper? I don't know. Oh....so you're the one. Edited June 22, 2011 by ~AprilMay~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 My kids are loving this thread! There was a tourist that went on a train. When he got off, the first thing he saw was an indian. He had heard that this indian had the best memory in the world so the man asked "What did you have for breakfast last year on May 21st?" The indian replied "Eggs." Then the man walked away and thought "that man is a fraud, everyone has eggs for breakfast. 20 years later, the man took another vacation to the same place. He came upon the indian and jokingly said "How" the indian replied "Scrambled" Where do monkeys here gossip? From the ape-vine Knock Knock Who's there? Who who who? I didn't know who were an owl! (This is my 6 year olds favorite joke) What did the teapot say to the chalk? Nothing you silly, teapots can't talk! What kind of hair does the ocean have? Wavy Why was the teacher cross eyed? Because he couldn't control his pupils Why was the libary so tall? It had so many stories What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BatmansWife Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Knock Knock Who's there? Who who who? I didn't know who were an owl! (This is my 6 year olds favorite joke) This reminded me of another of my dd's favorites...maybe you can tell your 6 year old this version: Knock Knock. Who's There? Owls. Owls who? Yeah...that's right...owls whoo. When I was a kid....this was my favorite: Knock Knock. Who's there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
courtney.byrum Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 My kids have been learning new jokes lately but they still have their old favorites: Knock Knock Who's there? Who Who who? I didn't know you spoke owl! What letter asks too many questions? Y How do rabbits toast each other? Hare's to you! Knock Knock Who's there? Cat Cat talk right now I hab a cold What did the buffalo say to his child when he went to work in the morning? Bison Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belacqua Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it! What's green and red and goes 60 miles an hour? A frog in a blender. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
courtney.byrum Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Oh, I forgot this one What's black and white and red all over? A sunburned zebra Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BatmansWife Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Oh, I forgot this one What's black and white and red all over? A sunburned zebra I never heard that one as a zunburned zebra. When I was a kid the punch line was "a newspaper". But, then somebody always had to change it and say, "a nun rolling down a hill".....which is just awful! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BatmansWife Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 My dd (age 7) told me to post this one: Why couldn't the 10 year old go to the pirate movie? Because it was rated Aaarrrrr. (she says this with one eye closed and her finger hooked. I think she heard it on Sponge Bob). :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SueTx Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Knock Knock Who's there? Banana Banana who? Knock Knock Who's there? Banana Banana who? Knock Knock Who's there? Orange Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say "banana" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SueTx Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 (edited) nm Edited June 23, 2011 by SueTx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WiseOwlKnits Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 These are awesome!! Thanks!!! These should keep her busy for a while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacie Leigh Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 My sister used to tell this one over and over and over: Why did the golfer wear only one sock? Because he had a hole in one. Then I'd tell everyone that her best joke was that she wanted to be a comedian when she grew up. Not surprisingly, we're not known for our senses of humor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikkid Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 In 1st grade my dd's fav was: Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? A: Because he had no guts! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geo Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Q. What's the difference between a moose and an ant?A. A moose has antlers, but an ant doesn't have moose-lers. :smilielol5: Ok, I have to admit...that made me laugh. Just when I thought I had developed an immunity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geo Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Where does a general keep his armies? In his sleevies. :thumbup: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mandymom Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Q: Why did Mozart slaughter (or you could say eat to make it more kid-friendly) all his chickens? A: Because they all kept saying "Bach, Bach, Bach" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geo Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 ***I don't tell this one to little kids*** Q: "How do German children learn to tie their shoelaces?" A: "In little nazis" :leaving: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SueTx Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 from my 16 yo dd... Why did the boy have to go to the school dance with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date. from my 10 yo ds... Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in the dirt, and cross the road again? Because he was a dirty double crosser Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the Shell station Why did the skeleton cross the road? To get to the body shop What does baby corn call its dad? Popcorn Why did the boy's mother knit him three socks? Because he'd grown another foot Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeekingSimplicity Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Knock knock Who's there? Doctor Doctor Who? Exactly! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikkid Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Knock knock Who's there? Doctor Doctor Who? Exactly! :lol: Big David Tennant fan here! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 From my son, who is at a camp this week: How did the butcher introduce his wife? "Meet Patty" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 I've also been chuckling over the mess-up by an Australian talk show host who tried to make a joke with the Dalai Llama, which His Emminence did NOT understand. His quizzical look was really the punch line of the whole affair, but anyway, it went something like: Did you hear about the Dalai Llama walking into a pizza shop? He asked if they could make him one with everything.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kamom Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 From my kiddos: Where does the cow prefer to live? In Moo York, Cowlafornia or the MooSA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theYoungerMrsWarde Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 I've also been chuckling over the mess-up by an Australian talk show host who tried to make a joke with the Dalai Llama, which His Emminence did NOT understand. His quizzical look was really the punch line of the whole affair, but anyway, it went something like: Did you hear about the Dalai Llama walking into a pizza shop? He asked if they could make him one with everything.... :lol: When I first heard this joke, it was a hot dog stand. I laughed so hard tears came out. Love this one :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 This reminded me of another of my dd's favorites...maybe you can tell your 6 year old this version: Knock Knock. Who's There? Owls. Owls who? Yeah...that's right...owls whoo. She did! Now she is telling them as a pair! Much to my other kids dismay "Elli, you have already told me those jokes." "I know, but they are still funny!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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