PLEASE tell me how to maintain my cool and dignity in this:

[MariannNOVA]

I was miserable after my DS6 was born, no sleep, pucking my guts up, and my MIL decided she didn't like the name we had picked for our DS. She thought that my DH needed a "junior" like his step-brother had. He is an only biological child. I was browbeat for two days before my DH caved and I washed my hands of it; as expected my DS is called *J (for junior), exactly as I didn't want. It still makes me angry. I refused to let my DH tell anyone what our last son was to be named until the birth certificate was signed. It's not worth the resentment. Let it go. :)

 

:iagree:

 

When I was pregnant with DD, we'd planned to name her Aiden if she was a boy. MIL really really wanted us to have a boy. She asked what names we'd chosen and we told her DD's name for a girl or Aiden for a boy. With a total look of disgust, she said, "AIDEN?? Well, I guess I'd better start hoping you have a girl then." She didn't like our girl name either, but it was apparently better than Aiden. 7 years later and it still hurts me that she reacted that way to the name that we loved.

 

When I got pregnant with DS, we refused to tell anyone the name until he was born because of the reaction that we got from MIL. (We didn't name him Aiden either even though we loved the name because of the memories of our experience with DD.) In the hospital, MIL found out the name we picked out and still didn't approve because there's already a distant relative in our family with that name....which we apparently should have known.

 

This time we're having a girl and we've told people what her name is going to be. But I'm at the point now where I just don't care what other people think. I think some people are just destined to be unhappy with whatever name you pick. FWIW, MIL loves the name we picked this time.

 

 

Thank you and thank you. I know that those reactions can hurt -- I wanted to name dd#4 Ashley and got thumbs down from EVERYONE. I felt quite badly about it but did find a name that I love even more.

[MariannNOVA]

When my oldest was born, we knew someone who named their ds Anakin Skywalker. Rango isn't *that* bad...in fact, he will fit in with his generation ime...lots of "out of the box" names these days.

 

 

I think the advice to diffuse the situation with your dd's dh is wise.

 

 

Thank you and thank you.

 

My dd10 wishes he were Obi -Wan Kenobi ---- but don't we all! ;)

[cindergretta]

My grandmother, rest her soul, was named Lydia. But she was called Rick. :confused: No one has ever been able to figure that one out.

 

With our 4th, we chose a basically "common" name but had to alter the spelling *slightly* as all our dc have 6 letters. We dropped one silent letter. My mother about had a kitten. "HOW ARE YOU GOING TO PRONOUNCE THAT?!?!!?!?!"

 

:grouphug:

[delaney]

That is a terrible name. The kid will pay for it and they will hear about it later in life A LOT. Trust me. You will be looking pretty smart in years to come:D

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I'm not apologizing to him.

 

When I was pregnant with our eldest, dh and I were so excited about takng the step to expand our family. We'd dated for three years before getting married. Then we'd waited another three years before having kids (mostly so I could get out of the military).

 

But we were also adamant that our family started at the two of us and then our kid(s) and then worked out to extended family. As much as we love our parents, they are not on the inner circle.

 

There was one incident late in the pregnancy, where my parents demonstrated that they hadn't really been listening to me and that they thought they could just do what they wanted and we'd have to lump it.

 

That incident did a lot to sour all further interactions between dh and I on one hand and my parents on the other. To this day I am closer to my MIL/FIL than to my own parents and am more likely to go to them first with my struggles.

 

I might gently suggest that you reconsider extending the apology to your sil. Way back when I was pregnant, my dh was the one to tell my parents that they were out of line. I was eternally grateful (and still am) that he took this on as the head of our family, rather than leaving it to me to deal with (since they were my parents). IMHO, having a sil whose instinct is to defend and run interference for his pregnant wife isn't a bad thing.

 

[And about the name ... I know nothing about RCC guidance or requirements. But I have to think that he will be no less a beloved child of God for having an unusual (for now) name.]

[MariannNOVA]

That is a terrible name. The kid will pay for it and they will hear about it later in life A LOT. Trust me. You will be looking pretty smart in years to come:D

 

I you.

[MariannNOVA]

When I was pregnant with our eldest, dh and I were so excited about takng the step to expand our family. We'd dated for three years before getting married. Then we'd waited another three years before having kids (mostly so I could get out of the military).

 

But we were also adamant that our family started at the two of us and then our kid(s) and then worked out to extended family. As much as we love our parents, they are not on the inner circle.

 

There was one incident late in the pregnancy, where my parents demonstrated that they hadn't really been listening to me and that they thought they could just do what they wanted and we'd have to lump it.

 

That incident did a lot to sour all further interactions between dh and I on one hand and my parents on the other. To this day I am closer to my MIL/FIL than to my own parents and am more likely to go to them first with my struggles.

 

I might gently suggest that you reconsider extending the apology to your sil. Way back when I was pregnant, my dh was the one to tell my parents that they were out of line. I was eternally grateful (and still am) that he took this on as the head of our family, rather than leaving it to me to deal with (since they were my parents). IMHO, having a sil whose instinct is to defend and run interference for his pregnant wife isn't a bad thing.

 

[And about the name ... I know nothing about RCC guidance or requirements. But I have to think that he will be no less a beloved child of God for having an unusual (for now) name.]

 

Thank you for your well thought out words. Truly. :grouphug:

 

You make good points.:)

[GWOB]

Sigh. You're not the only one who has opened their mouth about this issue. I had a "friend" who really wanted to name her son Constantine. Now, I had some issues with this "friend" to begin with, mostly with the way she manipulated her dh into getting pregnant, and I just couldn't let that name slip by. She was always one for shock value, and that name shocked the snot out of me. Constantine would be an appropriate name for someone Greek, Italian, or one with a larger build, but this kid was destined to be a scrawny, pasty-white little boy. I opened my mouth. I know it was wrong, but it did feel great at the time. Thankfully, the Constantine disaster was avoided.

 

Mariann, I'm sorry you may have to deal with the name Rango. At least you will have a healthy grandson. Perhaps your dd will come to her senses.

[Murphy101]

Wow, glad my MIL would not be so rude. Do you want to be allowed to have a relationship with him? You're going to have to let them be the parents; you got to name your own kids.

 

Yep. Tread lightly. Very, very lightly.

 

The RCC does not require babies to have saints' names.

 

That is correct.

 

However, I have been petitioning dh to let me name one of these sons of ours Woldgang for 17 years now. And that IS a saint.

 

Rango isn't all that bad.

Dh says that most likely the kid will spend his entire life saying, "No, not Ringo. It is Rango."

[Sebastian (a lady)]

The more you protest the more they will want it so let it go. :grouphug:

 

I feel sorry for the kid. Rango will not look so good at the top of a resume. Parents really should think about the long term.

 

I think that we have such a diffuse multicultural society that Rango would hardly stand out two decades from now.

 

In Germany we regularly ran into Florians or Norberts. We were good friends with a Kai-Uwe (pronounced kigh-oovah). In Japan parents would try to come up with a name that sounded ok in both English and Japanese.

 

I doubt that in 20 years most people will even know what movie Rango comes from. (We had a neighbor named Tippy, who was always having to explain that she was named for a movie star from back in the day.)

[MariannNOVA]

Rango isn't all that bad.

Dh says that most likely the kid will spend his entire life saying, "No, not Ringo. It is Rango."

 

 

:lol: Funny, after a few other things, that's what my dh said.

 

I would love to be a fly on the wall when my sister and mother hear it.;)

[Murphy101]

And dh notes:

 

Kudos for having a son in law who will step up for his wife and has a backbone.

 

You might not agree with him/them, but that's still a plus in dh's mind.

[MariannNOVA]

I think that we have such a diffuse multicultural society that Rango would hardly stand out two decades from now.

 

In Germany we regularly ran into Florians or Norberts. We were good friends with a Kai-Uwe (pronounced kigh-oovah). In Japan parents would try to come up with a name that sounded ok in both English and Japanese.

 

I doubt that in 20 years most people will even know what movie Rango comes from. (We had a neighbor named Tippy, who was always having to explain that she was named for a movie star from back in the day.)

 

Tripping back through memory lane, I had a friend in college who married a 'norbert.' She called him 'norbie' -- it was cute.:)

[Mrs Mungo]

Rango isn't all that bad.

Dh says that most likely the kid will spend his entire life saying, "No, not Ringo. It is Rango."

 

You can call the baby Rango Starr, HA! That would be so cute! You know...for a baby.

[arghmatey]

Okay, you deleted your comments after acting very out of line. That was good, but an apology is in order. If I felt the way you did and were unable to keep my head about such a thing, I'd have a glass of wine and find something else to do.

[Little Nyssa]

Yes, best to keep quiet. That's the most dignified thing if you disagree. Plus, it might be nice to apologize, and say you will be happy with whatever they choose.

My MIL bites her tongue whenever she wants to criticize my DD's name. I have seen her do this and I admire her for it-- I know she does not like the name.

 

The RCC won't mind, the parents can just choose a name of a saint which is remotely similar or starts with the same letter such as Robert or Richard. That will be the child's baptismal name, which is different than the one on the birth certificate. EO, especially Greeks, do this all the time.

 

I agree with you that Rango is silly, but it's their decision.

 

Edited to add: PLUS, they themselves may very well change their plans when they see the nurses on labor & delivery react to it. I've seen this happen!

[Sebastian (a lady)]

A friend of mine grew up with twins named "Praise The Lord" and "Bless The Lord" - Praise and Bless for short. The story goes that those were the first words their mother said when they were born.

 

As for your grandson, we'll pray that this child lives his life in such a mannor that "Rango" becomes the beloved hero for whom 5% of the population is named in subsequent generations. You just never know. ;)

 

I've done a lot of family history over the years. There is a whole string of men named Pleasant in one family. This name alternates with Abijah and another name, which when I looked it up were the names of Samuel's sons who were struck down for dishonoring God. Never understood why those names stuck in the family down so many branches.

[MariannNOVA]

Okay, you deleted your comments after acting very out of line. That was good, but an apology is in order. If I felt the way you did and were unable to keep my head about such a thing, I'd have a glass of wine and find something else to do.

 

no, he deleted them.

[AppleGreen]

*gently* I'm not going to battle with him -- you all here are right -- the name they choose is the name they choose and I will have to live with it. And, yes, I probably will adjust to it IF it is truly the name they are going to use. And it IS the baby who is important, not the name.

 

But, without going into other stuff, I am not apologizing. 'nuff said. He didn't tell their friends to keep their opinions to themselves -- what they posted was not any different from what I posted. He came down on me -- and deleted what I commented.

 

Their friends may have had a similar reaction, but you are the mom/m-i-l and I think it is different. Things with my mom are just *more* than they would be w/ anyone else b/c we have a history and bring to our adult relationship lots of childhood "stuff".

 

I read your first message and totally get the venting. You have had a very gracious attitude in the follow-up messages I've read. Three of my children have very traditional names. When my husband told my mother the names of 2,3 and 4 she had a comment (she was at the hospital when #1 was born). Like first thing out of her mouth when he called and said, "You have a new granddaughter!" "You didn't name her Mary?" She likewise had a comment about my brother's 3rd daughter's name and initially said she wasn't going to call her that and that it was a stupid name (it isn't, I think it is very lovely). My point is just that it is really hurtful to hear that from your mother of all people.

 

I agree Rango is pretty awful, but adult kids need to find their own way, and we need our parents to love and support us, even when they would choose something different (and then to stay quiet when they've come to their senses ;) )

[arghmatey]

no, he deleted them.

 

Oh, well, erm. You should apologize for giving an unsolicited opinion and putting negative pressure on them. It won't be fun. I have to apology for stupid things sometimes, but usually the relationship benefits from a sincere apology.

[5kidsforME]

no, he deleted them.

 

Which goes to show how upset he was with your comments. I still don't understand your reticence to apologizing to him, yet you "talked" to your dd about the situation. :confused:

[MariannNOVA]

Their friends may have had a similar reaction, but you are the mom/m-i-l and I think it is different. Things with my mom are just *more* than they would be w/ anyone else b/c we have a history and bring to our adult relationship lots of childhood "stuff".

 

I read your first message and totally get the venting. You have had a very gracious attitude in the follow-up messages I've read. Three of my children have very traditional names. When my husband told my mother the names of 2,3 and 4 she had a comment (she was at the hospital when #1 was born). Like first thing out of her mouth when he called and said, "You have a new granddaughter!" "You didn't name her Mary?" She likewise had a comment about my brother's 3rd daughter's name and initially said she wasn't going to call her that and that it was a stupid name (it isn't, I think it is very lovely). My point is just that it is really hurtful to hear that from your mother of all people.

 

I agree Rango is pretty awful, but adult kids need to find their own way, and we need our parents to love and support us, even when they would choose something different (and then to stay quiet when they've come to their senses ;) )

 

 

Thank you for taking the time to write. You are eloquent and gracious. You definitely get how I feel.

[DianeW88]

LMHO....I mentioned this to my son and dh who are sitting here.

 

DH: "Ringo? Like Ringo Starr?"

 

DS: "'No one tangoes with the Rango'. That's what he says in the movie, Mom."

 

They'll probably get either one or both of those reactions....multiple times over. They will very likely come up with something else before the little guy is born. Crossing my fingers for you.

[MariannNOVA]

LMHO....I mentioned this to my son and dh who are sitting here.

 

DH: "Ringo? Like Ringo Starr?"

 

DS: "'No one tangoes with the Rango'. That's what he says in the movie, Mom."

 

They'll probably get either one or both of those reactions....multiple times over. They will very likely come up with something else before the little guy is born. Crossing my fingers for you.

 

 

Diane -- Thanks -- keep them crossed.

[Bootsie]

My mom was not at all pleased with the name that we chose for ds (and was annoyingly vocal about it)--now she says that she can't imagine him having any other name.

 

On the other hand, MIL and FIL were convinced that they would name dh "Ogden" if he were a boy and call him "Oogie" and "Dickita" (A combination of Dick (FIL) and Katherine (MIL) if he were a girl. MIL was knocked out during the delivery, and when they brought the birth certificate found out FIL had put "Richard John, Jr." on the birth certificate. FIL said that once he saw him he had to be named Jr.

 

So, things can change...

[kolamum]

:grouphug: You know what.. it's okay to have your own sweet nickname for someone. :) As long as you are respectful and sweet about it. I have a friend who has some very unusual names for her brood.

 

That said, people have thought the same about our children's names which strikes me as odd! :lol:

 

I'll also admit that my bil was VERY adament that his son's name was going to be Sebastian Abernoth. His parents were mortified. He told them over and over straight faced about it. The child was named Zachary in the end. Their second child wasn't quite as lucky. Unfortunately, I'm wretched for calling the second child Jack which is COMPLETELY unintentional and a combo of both boys names.

 

I've done it so unintentionally for so long no one bats an eye at me anymore, and my youngest child has taken to calling his cousins the same thing, completely unintentionally.

[Aquinas Academy]

However, I have been petitioning dh to let me name one of these sons of ours Woldgang for 17 years now. And that IS a saint.

 

Øystein, Magnus, Sigfrid, Theodgar, and Thorlak are all saints. Unfortunately, DH doesn't share my love of Scandianvain names.

[Murphy101]

:grouphug: You know what.. it's okay to have your own sweet nickname for someone. :) As long as you are respectful and sweet about it.

 

Um. NO. It is not. We would correct you and be angry if you didn't promptly stop.

 

Just saying. No, in many families, it is just not possible to be respectful/sweet AND to decide to just call someone a name that is not their name.

:)

[Murphy101]

Øystein, Magnus, Sigfrid, Theodgar, and Thorlak are all saints. Unfortunately, DH doesn't share my love of Scandianvain names.

 

Magnus was briefly on the table for this one as a middle name!:D