Q. What do you do if sleepover friend takes things?

[Alicia64]

I thought we had a nice sleepover last night. Yes, they stayed up too late and got up too early, but everything went well.

 

Then, as the child was packing up and leaving this a.m., one of my boys came running in saying, "I found this attached to Maddie's backpack."

 

It was a small "Simon" game that my mom had given the kids. So it matters to them.

 

Part of me thinks this is kid stuff. Another part of me realizes that she's moving and probably hurting inside at the loss. But still. . .

 

Dh and I spend time w/ this child and are really good to her.

 

We've noticed this sort of thing a couple times in the past and politely dealt w/ it and moved on hoping it wouldn't happen again.

 

So I say something to her mom?? Quite honestly, they're moving and I don't really want the conflict. Although I think her mom will be fine, but irate at the kid.

 

Alley

[kalanamak]

 

So I say something to her mom?? Quite honestly, they're moving and I don't really want the conflict. Although I think her mom will be fine, but irate at the kid.

 

Alley

 

What age is the child? And child has done this before? Did you speak to child or just let it go?

[Blueridge]

Have you considered getting her a little gift so she could take a piece of your family with her? It sounds like she loves your family and simply wishes she could share in a bit of what you have. :)

[Jean in Newcastle]

Are you 100% sure that she didn't have her own Simon game already attached to her backpack? (I've had egg on my face before.)

[Firestar Academy]

Have you considered getting her a little gift so she could take a piece of your family with her? It sounds like she loves your family and simply wishes she could share in a bit of what you have. :)

 

:iagree:

[Chris in VA]

Are you 100% sure that she didn't have her own Simon game already attached to her backpack? (I've had egg on my face before.)

 

Yep, you have to make sure of this, first. Guess that means telling the mom that you suspect she took your kid's game--not sure how to diplomatically ask.

[trailofsparks]

I thought we had a nice sleepover last night. Yes, they stayed up too late and got up too early, but everything went well.

 

Then, as the child was packing up and leaving this a.m., one of my boys came running in saying, "I found this attached to Maddie's backpack."

 

It was a small "Simon" game that my mom had given the kids. So it matters to them.

 

Part of me thinks this is kid stuff. Another part of me realizes that she's moving and probably hurting inside at the loss. But still. . .

 

Dh and I spend time w/ this child and are really good to her.

 

We've noticed this sort of thing a couple times in the past and politely dealt w/ it and moved on hoping it wouldn't happen again.

 

So I say something to her mom?? Quite honestly, they're moving and I don't really want the conflict. Although I think her mom will be fine, but irate at the kid.

 

Alley

 

I would ask Maddie if it was hers. . . and if she appeared to be lying, I would say, "Would your mom also say that you have one of these?" Then go from there. At that point, she would probably come clean (assuming she was lying in the first place). I would then briefly explain the hurt felt by your family b/c of her choice, how much you like her, going to miss her, and, for Maddie's sake, I would tell her mom about this conversation. Kids do that kind of thing - doesn't mean their bad, just means the teachers in their life can take the opportunity to guide them.

[Margo out of lurking]

Did she actually take it home, or did your ds remove it from her backpack?

 

If she took it home, I'd call the mom and thank her again for letting her dd spend the night, tell her the night went well, and, "Oh, by the way, the kids were looking for their Simon game and thought that it might have ended up somehow going home with Maddie, maybe in her backpack. They're still looking for it at home, but if you come across it, please let us know!" I'd insinuate they were playing with it, even if they weren't, because I don't want it to seem that I'm accusing her dd of something. If I'm unsure about things, or want to avoid conflict, I usually point to myself as being the confused one.

 

If she didn't take it home, since she's moving and you won't be seeing her anymore, I'd chicken out of saying anything and let it go.

[Alicia64]

Have you considered getting her a little gift so she could take a piece of your family with her? It sounds like she loves your family and simply wishes she could share in a bit of what you have. :)

 

I love this and, yes, I will do it.

 

No egg on my face: it was our Simon. She said, "I accidentally hooked it on."

 

Turns out other things were taken. Lego "valuables."

 

Yes, I had talk w/ her and it went really well. I think we even deepened our connection.

 

Thank you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Alley

[Starr]

We went through this with a little friend but it never stopped. Other families never mentioned it to the child or parents. It was still happening in hs. :(

[Sun]

I'm assuming from the age of the child in your signature that the guest is around 7. If so, that's a really common age for kids to experiment with stealing. It sounds like you handled it well. If she were still going to be living in the area, I'd probably talk to her about how stealing make people lose trust in you and not want to have you over to their houses for fear of losing things. I do not think being good to a child and having a good relationship with a child precludes the child from trying to steal things that they want. Remember, kids that age do not always have very strong self control, and few have highly developed moral compasses. If the child were 11, I'd be more concerned.

[Alicia64]

I'm assuming from the age of the child in your signature that the guest is around 7.

 

I should have said: the girl just turned 11.

 

That's what makes it so concerning. There's a bit of "meanness" to it. I can't explain that, but it doesn't feel like it just "I want." It feels more like, "mine! And I'm sneaking it out of here."

 

I don't know.

 

I confronted her. And they're moving in just a couple of weeks.

 

I'm a little sad about about her behavior, but I also realize that life isn't perfect.

 

Alley

Edited May 29, 2011 by Alicia64

[Alicia64]

We have learned to do an inventory check when they arrive.

We tag duplicates so the child is assured of taking his own home.

At the end we gather the inventory on the table and then pack with everyone there.

 

Wow. So you've encountered this before.

[Sputterduck]

I would definitely let her mother know because she's the mom. She needs to know how her child's social and moral growth is doing.

[Alicia64]

I would definitely let her mother know because she's the mom. She needs to know how her child's social and moral growth is doing.

 

I agree w/ you.

 

Alley

[5kidsforME]

Have you considered getting her a little gift so she could take a piece of your family with her? It sounds like she loves your family and simply wishes she could share in a bit of what you have. :)

 

 

Really? It's stealing. Outright stealing. Yeah it's a child and should be dealt with within that context but "simply wishes she could share in what you have" is still a nice pretty way of saying she stole something.

[Alicia64]

Really? It's stealing. Outright stealing. Yeah it's a child and should be dealt with within that context but "simply wishes she could share in what you have" is still a nice pretty way of saying she stole something.

 

See? This is my problem. I agree with everyone. I think it's stealing. At 11, it's stealing.

 

She genuinely likes our family, I know. She's often seeking attention as if she doesn't get enough.

 

She's leaving, too, so it's hard to say how much I want to do/can do with her.

 

Alley

[elegantlion]

We have learned to do an inventory check when they arrive.

We tag duplicates so the child is assured of taking his own home.

At the end we gather the inventory on the table and then pack with everyone there.

 

I've done this before ds leaves the house. He would take everything he owns if we let him. We haven't done sleepovers for a while, but I wouldn't hesitate to ask what games, etc his friends are bringing in, just to make sure he goes home with the correct one. My thinking has always been from the anal-organized parents line of thinking, but I can see how this would work to cut back on sticky fingers.

[Night Elf]

I confronted her.

 

What did she say?

[MariannNOVA]

nothing to add -- i wasn't even going to post.

 

I think you are being incredibly considerate.

 

Remember two summers ago the mom who drove me nuts with the lego piece and the drama with her son. It ended a friendship

 

I do think that at 11, moving or not, the child knows what the child is doing. I also agree with jean and the others who mentioned that the child may have an identical toy.

 

i'm leaving now --:grouphug:

Edited May 29, 2011 by MariannNOVA