Music lessons: mandatory or optional for your dc?

[trailofsparks]

If you can do it financially, I would have all three take lessons. Oldest might feel left out, and he might miss out one something he would really enjoy. Having two other piano students in the house and a good teacher may make all the difference in the world! :001_smile:

 

This is the way I'm leaning! I am enjoying - deeply appreciating - everyone's input. I have run the gamet in my own mind of everything everyone has said here. Things are becoming more clear to me, including the sacrifices that would be necessary for us to swing lessons for our dc. SIGH.

[trailofsparks]

No, we never did lessons, but, somehow, all 5 of our hs'ed dc learned to play at least one instrument on their own. I did require that they all learn how to read music via various books we owned. They did all this on their own time. School was separate.

 

We bought various instruments and music CD's; listened and discussed music with them; took them to hear professional musicians play sometimes; and other such things. Two of them, in particular, have dug deeply into the theory just for fun. All of them can play the piano to accompany our singing of hymms.

 

They all enjoy a wide variety of music and music will always be a part of their everyday lives - playing, listening, and some even compose. That's mostly what we were aiming for.

 

ETA: Jenny's post reminded me of something else our dc have been working on lately. They found some CD's which teach yodeling and they're learning to yodel. I sometimes hear the most God-awful sounds coming from the shop and think some animal is dying - until I realize it's one of our dc practicing their yodels. LOL

 

Wow, this is amazing. All on their own, wow. LOL at the yodeling story!

[Sweetpeach]

We want to encourage their interests but also to instill discipline through challenges and commitments.

Yes, this!

 

If they didn't complain so much about it, I might let them be finished with piano. The more they complain about this very small slice of life that they have to do but don't enjoy, the more I insist.

 

OTOH, playing the stubborn game isn't doing anyone any good around here.

 

T

Edited May 26, 2011 by Sweetpeach
A rant nobody needs to hear. :)

[trailofsparks]

I bought a couple of simple, inexpensive piano teaching books and taught our daughter some basic things on a keyboard friends had given to us.

 

Both kids had inexpensive recorders and instruction books.

 

We listened to classical music and learned about composers by reading from library books. I bought a classical music curriculum for $30 that had lessons introducing various composers and some basic theory, too.

 

Both kids have sung with a local choir that follows the Royal School of Church Music curriculum. Tuition for the choir is $300 per year, and scholarships are readily available for those who can't afford it.

 

My son took drum lessons for almost two years for free with a local bagpipe band who was trying to recruit new members and was willing to teach.

 

Once we were in a position to do private lessons, my daughter took piano and then classical guitar. My son took piano and then pipe organ.

 

As it has turned out, both of them have come to prefer voice as their "instrument." My daughter just finished her B.A. with a minor in music (voice) and is currently teaching herself to play the ukelele. My son is still singing with the choir and is taking private voice lessons.

 

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Thanks for sharing. Your post has opened my mind to ideas I wouldn't have thought about, such as variety and making "something" mandatory. Maybe it's not a zero-sum game here :D

[trailofsparks]

I have yet to meet an adult who wishes they learned less about music, but have met many who wish they could sing in public without embarrassment and understand what it takes to perform at the higher levels.

 

So true! Thx.

[trailofsparks]

He was good when he played but I hope he will have interest later on by us not pushing him now. His teacher felt the same way...he was good and if he wants to do it later it's best not to push now. Ds cried a few weeks after quitting b/c he was afraid he'd lose his talent. And he is. But it was his choice.

 

Hmmm, thanks for sharing this. This is what I've seen in my son - reflecting on whether he's made the right choice. He also knows he's losing skill. This is thought provoking.... Glad you shared.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Music lessons are mandatory in our house. Music would be taught at the local school so I require it here. Since I can't teach anything (other than throw in a few cd's) I have that covered by piano lessons with a heavy emphasis on theory. My boys will be branching out into guitar, but I am looking for a teacher who knows theory inside and out and can teach a variety of genres in addition to the rock songs my boys want to play. Dd is in choir as well and wants to take violin, but we don't have the time in the schedule for her to do this. We gotta get the schoolwork done sometime.

[historically accurate]

I would like to make music mandatory, but we do not have the funds for it. So no one gets lessons right now; we pay for lessons for PE currently.

[trailofsparks]

I don't consider it mandatory. If I had a child that was uninterested or upset with the idea, I wouldn't force them.

 

However, I think, IMO, it's best to try to expose kids to a variety of things when they're young as far as music, sports, and art are concerned. Give them a chance to try things. Encourage them in whatever interests they may have or find things you think they might enjoy. You can usually tell after awhile if it's something that they will excel in or continue to show a strong interest in pursuing.

 

Both of my kids took music lessons and continued with them for many years. Dd is still taking piano and will continue to do so through high school. Ds took drum lessons for many years and really enjoyed it. It was/is quite expensive at times, but well worth it. Neither was much into sports, so it worked out to spend money on music lessons as opposed to other things.

 

I started out with what I would call low end lessons. Ds took a group band lesson his first year that was very inexpensive. After seeing he had an interest, we switched over to a teacher at a local music store. He spent a few years there. After that we switched to a teacher that was more expensive but came highly recommended and could help him with more advanced work.

 

Same thing with dd. She spent a year taking inexpensive group lessons. From there we moved to an individual lesson. After a few years and knowing that she wanted to pursue more indepth instruction, we found a wonderful teacher that could help her develop her skills.

 

My only concern with starting out in group lessons or "low end" as you say, is the formation of bad habits. Did you find this to be the case at all? Or maybe if they did form any bad habits, were they remedied? Hmmm, someone on this thread mentioned having their kids do music lessons to help them get over perfectionism, LOL Maybe I have some I need to get over. Wow, has this thread been eye-opening for me!

[trailofsparks]

For us it's about learning to work hard at something that continually ramps up. A great lesson for kids that have an easy time at academics.

 

Gosh, this is a great point. Well said..."that continually ramps up". Thx.

[Night Elf]

DH and I consider music to be optional. He plays piano and I do not play any instrument.

 

Dd19 grew up playing viola because her musician dad forced it on her. She gave it up as soon as she could. She misses playing but she said she spent so many years having to practice and perform when she didn't want to that she finds no joy in it anymore.

 

Dd13 has taken piano off and on for a few years. She's really pretty good. But she enjoys it as something special she chooses to do, not something she has to do.

 

Ds14 has never had any interest in music.

[southcarolinamom]

My children took piano for 6 and 7 years respectively. We started paying for lessons because they both begged to learn to play the piano, and they begged for over a year. So we obliged. However, we stopped piano this past school year because:

 

 

1. My daughter was losing interest, developing a bad attitude, and it was like pulling teeth to get her to put in the minimum amount of practice

 

2. It cost more for music lessons than the entire year's worth of school curriculum, and we just couldn't afford it. If my daughter developed a LOVE for piano, and wanted to study it in college, and if my husband had NOT lost his job, she would still be playing the piano.

[tammyw]

I can't imagine making it mandatory for a kid who wasn't interested. Both my children take piano, but they like it and want to do it. They don't practice without reminders, and it's not for a long time each day, but they do enjoy when they advance and learn new songs. If they didn't like piano, I'd help them find something musical they wanted to learn, eg. violin, guitar, whatever.

 

We also get yearly family membership to the Symphony here. They put on a phenomenal family series that is family friendly and only one hour long. We love it. We also read books on composers, have all the Classical Kids cds (love these), listen to many different types of music regularly (via Pandora), etc. I think you can give them a musical education without them necessarily doing a class. Music is such an important thing to me, so it's just around us all the time, naturally.

[Cindyz]

For us, it is mandatory just like science or math. After he graduates, he can decide if he'd like to continue. Playing an instrument is hard work and most kids probably don't want to do it. I use it as an example all of the time of what one can do if they work hard at something. It's something tangible that he can understand. It's not always fun, but he is proud of his accomplishments.

[JudoMom]

My kids *have* to do math and grammar. ;)

 

I know it's not the same, but for a musical family like ours, it's not pride so much as it is wanting to make sure our kids have a good solid education in a subject that's important to us. It's not one we expect to be as commonly held (by other families) to be a mandatory subject like math or spelling or science, but something we value highly as a family. We don't expect our children to play musical instruments forever, any more than we expect them to go on to be mathemeticians, but they must take music lessons for enough time to get a good understanding of how music works.

 

Cat

 

Yep.

[Gooblink]

Piano is mandatory for both boys. Once they are able to proficiently read sheet music, they can choose whether or not to continue. I just consider it part of literacy.

 

It does help that they both enjoy lessons and practice. :tongue_smilie:

[KristinaBreece]

This is a non-issue so far for us, but I would say that I consider some form of performance-based musical education mandatory for a time. If a child really detests singing or playing an instrument after the first 2-3 years, we woulds reassess. DS is already playing piano because he wants to. We're going slowly. We can't afford "formal" lessons right now, but I have the knowledge to get through the basics with him. When he gets beyond me, we'll find a way to keep him learning.

 

FWIW, DH is a vocalist & I play French horn & jazz trombone. Music is a vital part of our lives, and how we relate to one another. I can't imagine a world in which we wouldn't share that with our children.

[rlugbill]

My dd (13) plays violin. She also plays piano, flute and (formerly)cello. She is also in an orchestra. She has played violin and taken lessons since she was 4.

 

And we can't afford it. When our finances got tight, my parents generously volunteered to help pay for her lessons.

 

About 4 years ago, she was losing interest in the violin. It was hard to get her to practice. Then, she joined a local youth orchestra and that made an enormous difference. She met friends there. And it gave her performance opportunities.

 

It is much more interesting to do something with your friends than to do it all alone. And it's more interesting if you get to perform in front of others sometimes.

 

Now, she is a very accomplished musician. She is in a top youth orchestra and she just got a top score in the state music competition.

 

And here is an added benefit. Almost all of her friends are musicians. It is a very good peer group. They are all children of parents who highly value education.

 

They are all-round great kids-smart, kind, etc. Exactly the kinds of kids you want your child to be friends with when you are starting the scary teenage years. They don't use rough language, are not physically aggressive, have good manners and are polite, are studious, they dress appropriately, don't lose their tempers, are disciplined yet still fun. Great kids.

 

She is friends with most of the top violinists her age in our area. All great kids. Many of them are homeschooled and the others are often Asian-American.

 

We have met so many Chinese-Americans through music. For some reason, having their children take music lessons is very important to Chinese families.

 

It has also given our daughter the opportunity to be really good at something, so she has the confidence that she can be really good at something.

 

And it has shown her what it takes to be really good at something. Get a teacher and practice- for many years. It's the same for anything else you ever want to get good at.

 

It may have also helped her reading and math skills, but it's impossible for me to know if she would have been very good at those anyway. I can say though that the musical kids I know are all very good students and are intelligent.

 

As to whether it should be mandatory or not, that's your call. In our experience, if you try to make it interesting, it's not so much a question of making it mandatory, but there may be some rough spots. In my experience, with any activity, if you make it something that when they go there, they get to see their friends, it will be much more interesting than an activity where you have to take them away from their friends to go to.

 

Also, in my experience, the parents should be united- one way or the other. Children will pick up on it if one parent is for and the other is against or wishy-washy about it. Try to compromise so you are united about it.

[Ester Maria]

I messed up this area. The more I think about it, the more I think it should have been mandatory (probably will be for DD#3), though I can see equally good reasons for not making the *practice* mandatory (of course, basic music literacy both in terms of theory, history and expore / recognition of the most obvious "landmarks" has always been a must, regardless of one's preferences).

 

DD#1 plays violin as a result of her own free will, though.

[MaMa2005]

Music is mandatory and not open for discussion. DS began group keyboarding in August 2010 and started private lessons in January 2011. We are switching teachers and have found one that is perfect for us. Yes, it is a stretch, but the $60 a month is built into my curriculum money. When DS reaches the age of 10, he may choose to pick another instrument to play.

 

We don't look at it so much from a classical or well-rounded point of view as from an able to open doors point of view. Having the ability to play the piano (and other instruments) will open doors in DS's future that might otherwise be closed.

[Halcyon]

Mandatory. Both kids take piano and enjoy it. They only practice 20-30 minutes a day however. Older wants to begin guitar and younger wants to take voice lessons. I told them after they've taken piano for a couple of years we can discuss.

Luckily, we have a good school which offers discounts to homeschoolers-$30 a child per month.

[trailofsparks]

As to whether it should be mandatory or not, that's your call. In our experience, if you try to make it interesting, it's not so much a question of making it mandatory, but there may be some rough spots. In my experience, with any activity, if you make it something that when they go there, they get to see their friends, it will be much more interesting than an activity where you have to take them away from their friends to go to.

 

This is something that is really resonating with me. Thanks for your post!

[trailofsparks]

We don't look at it so much from a classical or well-rounded point of view as from an able to open doors point of view. Having the ability to play the piano (and other instruments) will open doors in DS's future that might otherwise be closed.

 

This is actually my definition of a well-rounded person. One who is able to converse or interact, even a little, in just about any area, thus opening doors, connecting with others.

[Princess Peach]

It is optional and currently no one takes lessons.

[Melanie]

Our financial situation did not allow us to provide music lessons until fairly recently (my kids were 11 and 9 when they started piano), but as soon as we could afford it, music lessons became mandatory. We require that they practice/study for an hour each day; anything over that time is optional.

 

I can hear my daughter practicing her arpeggios as I type this. :)

[KarenC]

But each child gets to choose his instrument. Also, they have to take lessons, but they do not have to perform in public or join an orchestra unless they want to.

 

Karen

[Susan in TN]

It's mandatory in our house - I believe musical education is vital. My kids start piano in K, and can choose an additional instrument later on.

 

Keep in mind, though, that between dh and I, we can teach pretty much any instrument at a least the beginning level and through the years we've gathered a fairly large collection of instruments. I teach them piano. My ds recently began learning the string bass which is one of the few instruments that we can't teach :tongue_smilie:.

 

If we simply didn't have the budget for an instrument or lessons, I'd at least make sure they learned basic singing skills, musical notation, and instruments, and listened to a wide variety of music. All these things can be done free online.

[Donna]

Glad you said this. I do think a good teacher can make all the difference -or maybe I've just hoped it, cuz I've seen the other end of the spectrum and I let it go on for too long. Damage has been done, but I would love to see him learn under a fun, patient teacher. I appreciate your input, it's definitely got me thinking!

 

A good teacher has made all the difference. His first teacher was very young and I think he took ds into the room and showed off for him but didn't teach him anything. (I didn't know much about music education back then and that was pretty much the way my piano lessons went as a child...mom left the room and I took lessons.)

 

After a year hiatus, we asked around and found an amazing teacher who has a method to teaching. He allows ds to pick something he wants to learn every few weeks and the weeks in between they work on what the teacher wants him to learn...chords, scales, reading, etc... Having some input into what he learns made all the difference for my son and allowed him to see why he had to learn the "boring" stuff because some of the things he wanted to learn required him to gain different skills sets.

 

I hope you are able to find someone who will inspire your child to play.

[zaichiki]

When he started, he begged us to be able to play. He was 2 yrs old and didn't stop asking until, at age 4.5, we started him.

 

We started with music lessons b/c our oldest, who was 5 at the time, begged for cello lessons. He still plays 7 years later, and he plays pretty well, but it's not his first love. That said, he doesn't want to quit. He takes private lessons, plays in a Suzuki cello group class, orchestra, and a trio. He wants to continue with everything and he will practice on his own with the slightest reminder (without complaining). He doesn't LOVE the cello, though. I know he's going to quit one day: he won't be a professional. ;) Maybe, as an adult, he'll play in a small chamber group or a local orchestra somewhere... or maybe he'll switch to fiddle music and popular music (he enjoys playing both) and just play for fun. Either way, I'm fine with it.

 

Dd went to her brother's cello lessons as a tagalong. She was transfixed! She begged to play the violin. She began on the viola, after a teacher suggested it, when she was 3.5. She LOVES it and says she wants to be a professional violist.

 

Ds (5) asked to play the cello, but he's never been wild about it. I think he just assumed he'd play something. So did we. He practices b/c I require it, but there's very little light in his eyes about it. I don't think I want him to quit, even though I always say the only reason the kids play is b/c they asked to play. If the older two asked to stop, it would make me sad, but I would let them stop. If my younger ds asked to stop... I'm not so sure. I now realize the many wonderful benefits my older two have gotten from serious music study as they grew. It's become a huge social activity for them now and their peers at the music school are pretty much ALL positive influences. There are so many reasons TO do it... If he hated it, though? Oh, I couldn't make him do something he HATED... I don't know. It's a tough one.

 

Our youngest is just THRILLED by instruments. She'll pluck her sister's viola very purposefully, choosing specific strings and making a pattern. She LOVES mucking around on any piano she sees. She'll stand in the doorway to watch her brother's cello practice for 10-15 minutes straight. Who KNOWS what she'll choose to play? (But I'm going to assume she'll play SOMEthing. And we intend to encourage her in this direction.) ;)

[zaichiki]

For us, it's not about having well-rounded kids. We want to encourage their interests but also to instill discipline through challenges and commitments.

 

Really good point...

[zaichiki]

He needs this. He has perfectionism issues - he avoids tasks he thinks will be too challenging, but with piano he sees, week in and week out, that if he works hard, even just a little hard, he can accomplish something - he can learn that song that at first he dismissed as impossible. Plus I think his complete lack of rhythm has improved slightly :)

 

So many benefits... like you said above...

 

And I :lol: about the lack of rhythm improving slightly. Same experience with my littler ds.

[zaichiki]

But could that time be better spent elsewhere, doing something else he's actually going to be good at, something that will become a lifelong skill for him?

 

But it's IMPORTANT that it's something he's not naturally good at doing. The simple fact is that, with work and effort, children CAN learn to play music. It doesn't have to be the most beautiful or the most naturally musical, but the child WILL see what they can do with effort. And *that* work ethic is important for the rest of the child's life.

 

I think some kids come with a work ethic. My 9 y.o. has always been much more likely to apply herself to something hard, whereas my boys have learned to do this with their music studies. I have *seen* a change in them. They are learning to overcome their perfectionist tendencies and it has made a HUGE difference.

 

For those who don't come with that natural tendency to apply themselves to something that is hard, music study is wonderful!

[zaichiki]

There aren't enough opportunities for young people to get positive feedback for working hard.

 

I hadn't thought of it that way before, but you make a good point.

[KAR120C]

If it were a serious financial hardship, or if he really detested it, I might change my stance.... but short of that, no. He chose his own instrument (flute), and it has never been a problem to get him to practice. It counts as schoolwork in our house, so as soon as he gets to an assignment he'd rather put off, out comes the flute... LOL He's never required to perform (he's never had a teacher that did recitals...) and he's not required to join an orchestra, although the one year that he did join one he had to finish out the year even though he wasn't entirely thrilled with it halfway through. (Not a horrible situation or anything, just getting tiresome.)

 

I promise it's not pride. He's good, but this isn't going to be a career. Ever. Heck, I'm not sure he could make subway fare playing with his case open outside a station! LOL It's not even the music literacy - he's been playing for four years now, so he's pretty well literate. The reason I require it is because everyone needs an outlet of some kind. You don't have to be super-talented, but it helps to have the basics behind you (reading music, scales, etc.) before you find yourself in a situation where you'd really like to lock yourself in your room and just play something you love. I don't think music is the only thing that can serve that role... other creative pursuits are excellent too, some athletic pursuits (another mandatory activity here).... music isn't the only outlet, but music is a good one.

 

Also as someone else already mentioned, band geeks are great kids. :) If he's ever in a situation where he needs to find a peer group (going to public school after years of homeschooling for instance) he could do much worse than to fall in with a bunch of musicians.