Jean in Newcastle Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 I used to take pride in calling myself this until I found out that the next line is "and master of none". I don't know if it is a middle age thing, but I've had such a hard time this past year with my self esteem. Now that I realize that I really am not a master at anything, I feel like sort of a loser. I'm not super bad at most things. I'd say that I'm competent at modern life and I don't feel the need to be "the best" at anything but I guess I'd like to be really good at something(s). I partly feel like I could have been a master at some things (I showed promise when I was young!) but being a wife and mother, esp. a SAHM who homeschools and has a chronic illness, doesn't leave me any time to master anything. For a while (when my kids were really young) I felt like I was a master mother so to speak, and then my kids sort of took the wind out of those sails. I felt like a good teacher too but I've had such a hard time with dd9 that I don't feel like I can say that either any more. I don't know what I'm asking quite: perhaps if anyone else shares this feeling or has any insights. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 :grouphug: Try looking at yourself through someone else's eyes. If you knew a mom who was homeschooling w/ chronic illness, who could do the vast array of things you can do, how impressed would you be? I know you want to do better. We have this imaginary potential bucket inside us, & we think we can fill it, but when others look at us (I think), they see the real potential bucket, & yours is very, very full--instead of the wasted potential you see, there's a good use of resources. Becoming more or better than you are in one area would have cost you another, & I bet--as smart & well-read & experienced as you are--you made those choices wisely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartosunshine Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 (edited) I went to my daughter's flute recital recently & there was a high schooler that was just brilliant! I thought to myself, "I wish I was that good at something!" Yep, Jack of all Trades here. ETA: Like the OP, I feel like I do many things adequately and mostly I'm ok with that. Deep inside, however, I'm hoping that I'm a late bloomer & will become a master at something. Just look at Grandma Moses! :) Edited May 15, 2011 by heartosunshine add content Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 I've heard that if you spend 15 minutes every day reading about one subject, that you will eventually become an expert on the subject. I can't remember the time frame maybe 5 years. That was before Malcomb Gadwell who came up with the idea ... was it 10,000 hours to become exceptionally good at something. I think 15 minutes a day is very doable even for busy moms. I think the hardest is to settle on just one subject. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 You know that a Jack of All Trades is just the negative phrasing for what is a positive concept when called a Renaissance (Wo)man... Your career path has required you to be a generalist rather than a specialist. If you want to be a master of something, I suggest you are a Master of Perseverance. :) Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 You beat me to it, Rosie. Jean, you received great advise on personal growth. I would encourage you to be proud of who you are. There are few people who are good Jack of All Trades. Really. Lots of people wouldn't think of homeschooling and running a home and doing all the things you do with illness to boot. I sometimes feel inferior when I see my friends with master's degrees or doctorates who are in important jobs doing important things. They flit around the world living fancy lives and driving fancy cars. You know what one of my oh-so-very-important friends said to me on a recent visit? "I love your home. I really wish I had your life. The kids. The husband. The comfort of a real home." Really? I don't travel to Petra and Oman. I don't teach English to kids in Thailand. None of those important things. At the end of the day though, I'm so comfortable with who I am and what I have done. I may not have made much of a difference in the grand scheme of things-but I did great things in the lives of those I love. To me, that's enough. I'm okay not being excellent at anything. Not all people can be great. But I can be good at lots of things. I hope you find some peace, Jean. I like your posts and you have such amazing wisdom and kindness. Those are good things, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElizabethB Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 :grouphug: You are a master bee encourager!! Especially to tired bees. And, you have your 10,000 posts in!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 Hmm. I wonder if it's a midlife thing? I was just thinking the other day about these things. My dh works at a community college as a project manager in their computer department. He got his master's and now also teaches science at the college. He's on the church board at our 1200 member church. He teaches a history class at the church during the week. He can do every chore I can do around the house. He's calm and patient with the kids. He can fix most things on the car. He can fix most things around the house. He pays all the bills. And then there's me.... No college. No job. Know nothing about the car. Know nothing about home care. Know nothing about our bills. I was thinking that if dh met me now...I would look pretty lame to him. I'm glad we got married before he got so competent and I got so boring :glare: I am a Pollyanna by nature, so I'm not completely depressed over it...but it did get me thinking. So, when DH came home yesterday and said that a woman at the college asked him if I would be interested in teaching a class for homeschooled kids at the college, I decided to say Yes, even though it's scary. Then I can say that I teach at a college!! Even though it would just be teaching art basics to 9 year olds. And it's not like I know a lot about art. I just have a cool curric I can follow. (And I'm going to start learning about the bills ASAP!!!!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 Oh. my. gosh. I just realized how many posts she has! Wow! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 15, 2011 Author Share Posted May 15, 2011 :grouphug: Try looking at yourself through someone else's eyes. If you knew a mom who was homeschooling w/ chronic illness, who could do the vast array of things you can do, how impressed would you be? I know you want to do better. We have this imaginary potential bucket inside us, & we think we can fill it, but when others look at us (I think), they see the real potential bucket, & yours is very, very full--instead of the wasted potential you see, there's a good use of resources. Becoming more or better than you are in one area would have cost you another, & I bet--as smart & well-read & experienced as you are--you made those choices wisely. This is basically why I posted this, really, because I'm having a hard time getting that perspective! And as to if I made wise choices, I'm not sure if we'll really know until Eternity, you know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 15, 2011 Author Share Posted May 15, 2011 I went to my daughter's flute recital recently & there was a high schooler that was just brilliant! I thought to myself, "I wish I was that good at something!" Yep, Jack of all Trades here. ETA: Like the OP, I feel like I do many things adequately and mostly I'm ok with that. Deep inside, however, I'm hoping that I'm a late bloomer & will become a master at something. Just look at Grandma Moses! :) That's right, I've got lots of time! I'll be Grandma Jean in Newcastle:) I've heard that if you spend 15 minutes every day reading about one subject, that you will eventually become an expert on the subject. I can't remember the time frame maybe 5 years. That was before Malcomb Gadwell who came up with the idea ... was it 10,000 hours to become exceptionally good at something. I think 15 minutes a day is very doable even for busy moms. I think the hardest is to settle on just one subject. I sat down and practiced the piano tonight for 30 minutes - maybe I'll learn to play it in 2.5 years! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 15, 2011 Author Share Posted May 15, 2011 You know that a Jack of All Trades is just the negative phrasing for what is a positive concept when called a Renaissance (Wo)man... Your career path has required you to be a generalist rather than a specialist. If you want to be a master of something, I suggest you are a Master of Perseverance. :) Rosie Thanks, Rosie. Renaissance Woman sounds so much nicer. And I do like a nice Madrigal (or was that an earlier time period?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 15, 2011 Author Share Posted May 15, 2011 :grouphug: You are a master bee encourager!! Especially to tired bees. And, you have your 10,000 posts in!! Oh. my. gosh. I just realized how many posts she has! Wow! Well, the thought did occur to me when I posted this thread that I did have one claim to fame - number of posts on this forum! And then I thought that could be interpreted as being kind of sad. . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkle Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 Hmmm, yes, I feel like this sometimes too. I agree with Aubrey, you have to look at yourself through someone else's eyes. I'm sure a lot of people who know you IRL, and on these boards as well, admire you and think you are very talented. I admit I felt rather intimidated earlier this week, when I met BIL's girlfriend for the first time. She has a master's in structural engineering and is working on an MBA right now, plus she is a mom to 3 kids, and she's traveled and held all kinds of impressive jobs. Yeah, I felt really insignificant next to her. :tongue_smilie: But there are things I do well, or at least passably. And I enjoy them, which I think is the important thing. Plus I try to learn new things, and improve the skills I already have. I relish every little compliment I get too :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 has any insights. Jean, you have plenty of insights. I can count on you to be one of our most encouraging, kind, humorous, and sensible posters. You take yourself for granted. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 15, 2011 Author Share Posted May 15, 2011 Hmm. I wonder if it's a midlife thing? I was just thinking the other day about these things. My dh . . . And then there's me.... My dh is very competent too. But then I realize that he asks my advice about things or at least my perspective and that makes me feel much better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 Yup, we should start a club. I've always had self-esteem issues though, middle age doesn't help. I turned 44 this month. I'm feeling old, my hair looks old. I never thought being over 40 would mean having a great set of tweezers nearby. In the last few years I've had to give up on some dreams. Goals I had put out there years ago as "someday I'll...." I don't want to be mature and realize that's the best. I want to feel twenty again and have potential still attached to all things I wanted to do with my life. I told my dh last night that I thought his expectations for me were too high. :glare: I have about three things I feel good at, being a mother, a homeschooling parent (although my short term methods needs work), and writing. I'm not a good housekeeper, I hate to cook, and lately I'm not feeling like a good wife. A few weeks ago my parents gave me a bird feeder. I hung it on the patio. It took until yesterday for the birds to find it. I sat and watched two sparrows fly up and get the seed. It was a five second moment in an otherwise bleak day. God takes care of the sparrow, I gave them seed, but God takes care of them. That gives me hope. Some days all I have it hope, some days it's enough. Some days I feel like a little kid, you know when they ask what you want to be when you grow up? I wanted to be this, and this, and yes I think I would have been good at them. At 44 I don't see myself working for National Geographic or becoming an archaeologist. I still have some regret about that. I still feel like I grew up fifteen years too early. If I had the internet as a kid I would have pursued more things. You talked about the piano the other day. When I was a kid I inherited a cheap piano from my grandmother. I taught myself to play. I would sit for hours and practice. There were no money for lessons, no money to actually tune the piano (it wasn't horribly out of tune, just a few keys), I just played. I could have been good. We sold the piano during a move years ago. I'd love to have another one, but we don't have the money or space. I got agitated reading the thread on the baby grands the other day. Maybe once ds graduates I'll buy one, it would take up the whole classroom. I'll be almost 50, maybe that's a goal. At 43 and 44 I'm having a hard time feeling bitter over lost opportunities. I feel like I loser because I'm not totally sure how to insure my son doesn't give up on his dreams. I'd feel better if he would gain more enthusiasm about his education. I just unpacked more books today. I love looking at them lining the shelves. There are plenty I haven't read yet, some I will read together with ds and we will enjoy them. I hated school when I was in it, so I can't blame ds for not jumping for joy on MOnday morning. But I AM determined to enjoy this part of our journey. Even if he doesn't get thrilled about reading Beowulf, I will be. Maybe some of that will rub off. I don't know if I've mastered anything in my life. I'm tired. I haven't woken up refreshed but about twice in the last seven or eight months. Jean, I think you are an awesome mom, and you are so encouraging to so many people here. I think you have mastered being a compassionate person. I also think that if you only master one thing, being compassionate is a good one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 15, 2011 Author Share Posted May 15, 2011 But there are things I do well, or at least passably. And I enjoy them, which I think is the important thing. Plus I try to learn new things, and improve the skills I already have. I relish every little compliment I get too :D This is what I need to focus on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 15, 2011 Author Share Posted May 15, 2011 Jean, you have plenty of insights. I can count on you to be one of our most encouraging, kind, humorous, and sensible posters. You take yourself for granted. :) Kay, I was just thinking today about how your story of getting to med school has inspired and encouraged me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 15, 2011 Author Share Posted May 15, 2011 Yup, we should start a club. I've always had self-esteem issues though, middle age doesn't help. I turned 44 this month. I'm feeling old, my hair looks old. I never thought being over 40 would mean having a great set of tweezers nearby. Paula, I feel like you are a kindred spirit . . . with tweezers! In the last few years I've had to give up on some dreams. Goals I had put out there years ago as "someday I'll...." I don't want to be mature and realize that's the best. I want to feel twenty again and have potential still attached to all things I wanted to do with my life. I told my dh last night that I thought his expectations for me were too high. :glare: I have about three things I feel good at, being a mother, a homeschooling parent (although my short term methods needs work), and writing. I'm not a good housekeeper, I hate to cook, and lately I'm not feeling like a good wife. A few weeks ago my parents gave me a bird feeder. I hung it on the patio. It took until yesterday for the birds to find it. I sat and watched two sparrows fly up and get the seed. It was a five second moment in an otherwise bleak day. God takes care of the sparrow, I gave them seed, but God takes care of them. That gives me hope. Some days all I have it hope, some days it's enough. Some days I feel like a little kid, you know when they ask what you want to be when you grow up? I wanted to be this, and this, and yes I think I would have been good at them. At 44 I don't see myself working for National Geographic or becoming an archaeologist. I still have some regret about that. I still feel like I grew up fifteen years too early. If I had the internet as a kid I would have pursued more things. You talked about the piano the other day. When I was a kid I inherited a cheap piano from my grandmother. I taught myself to play. I would sit for hours and practice. There were no money for lessons, no money to actually tune the piano (it wasn't horribly out of tune, just a few keys), I just played. I could have been good. We sold the piano during a move years ago. I'd love to have another one, but we don't have the money or space. I got agitated reading the thread on the baby grands the other day. Maybe once ds graduates I'll buy one, it would take up the whole classroom. I'll be almost 50, maybe that's a goal. At 43 and 44 I'm having a hard time feeling bitter over lost opportunities. I feel like I loser because I'm not totally sure how to insure my son doesn't give up on his dreams. I'd feel better if he would gain more enthusiasm about his education. I just unpacked more books today. I love looking at them lining the shelves. There are plenty I haven't read yet, some I will read together with ds and we will enjoy them. I hated school when I was in it, so I can't blame ds for not jumping for joy on MOnday morning. But I AM determined to enjoy this part of our journey. Even if he doesn't get thrilled about reading Beowulf, I will be. Maybe some of that will rub off. I don't know if I've mastered anything in my life. I'm tired. I haven't woken up refreshed but about twice in the last seven or eight months. Jean, I think you are an awesome mom, and you are so encouraging to so many people here. I think you have mastered being a compassionate person. I also think that if you only master one thing, being compassionate is a good one. Thank you for the kind words and the encouragement. I do feel like I need to sit and watch the birds and put things in their proper perspective. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brooketopia Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 Sorry you're feeling a little glum there. I was feeling kind of the same way the other day, and someone happened to exclaim how cool it was that I was a "Renaissance Woman" who could handle anything that came at me. It was nice to see it viewed from that perspective. I certainly plan to become a master at a few things once my time clears up a bit in the future...why not have a really amazing foundation first? We don't homeschool our kids to be specialists; no, we give them a thorough foundation so that they'll be prepared to take whatever gets thrown at them in life. Why should we do any less for ourselves? :) (I joke that my grammar stage is just really looooong...) In ten years from now, will it matter that you weren't a specialist at this point in your life? If it will, then perhaps you should change things. But, if it doesn't matter that you be a master at anything right now because you're busy nurturing and building your children to become great thinkers who can impact the world for better...I think that is a far richer trade-off for simply being a "jack of all trades" for the time being. We each have many years after our children have left home to pursue mastery of subjects...but only eighteen years in which to rear our children to become who they will be as adults. It stinks that we couldn't receive the educations that our children themselves are receiving...but I like to think that God sent me to grow up in the environment and time that I did because He knew that I would make it happen regardless. That brings me comfort when I start feeling sad that I didn't get to have the opportunities that others were able to have...or when I feel like I'm "boring" to other people. :) I hope you feel better about things soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in WA Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 Ah, Jean. You are good at lots of things! And you are a good teacher. Having a child who is more difficult to teach for a time does not make you a less good teacher! You certainly have more patience than I and are generally less behind in grading than I am even when you are more worried about it. I am looking around at my kids each with a screen of some sort (although two are reading, one on a kindle and one on a laptop) and am impressed all over again that you manage to maintain your sanity while allowing so much less screen time than we do. So there you go, master parent and master teacher as well as master encourager on the board in my book. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bugs Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 Is it important to be a "master" of something? I think it's more fun having conversations with people who are well-rounded and enjoy a variety of activities. Anyway, you are a "specialist" in a way. How many people have told you that they "could never homeschool"? With that said, I too feel, at times, as if I have no expertise. I wonder what I'll do when the kid-o's are gone. I haven't worked as an engineer in over 13 years. I have a Master's in Teaching (finished 13 years ago) but have never offically had a classroom (except to substitute). (OTOH - not sure I really want to teach at a ps.) God put homeschooling into my heart, if he wants me to be good at something else, he'll put whatever that is in next. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bugs Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 Jean, If you are in New Castle, WA some of this might be our ev-er drip-ing weath-er. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted May 15, 2011 Share Posted May 15, 2011 You know that a Jack of All Trades is just the negative phrasing for what is a positive concept when called a Renaissance (Wo)man... Your career path has required you to be a generalist rather than a specialist. If you want to be a master of something, I suggest you are a Master of Perseverance. :) Rosie :iagree: Renaissance Women, unite! My dear Jean, I understand the feeling and I will tell you the same think my ds16 tells me: you are being way too hard on yourself! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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