jlmom Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I posted a few months ago about problems with my ds and his preschool. (His teacher told me he was "hostile" and didn't want to share. When another child had a toy that he wanted he would go tell the teacher that he wanted it. I was just happy he wasn't pulling it out of the kids hands. Don't we want them to use words rather than actions?) Anyway, I thought we had a system where they would write us a note if he misbehaved in school. Thursday the teacher had a talk with me again. He's not sitting still during show & tell time. He just turned 4 this past week. The teachers are so difficult to work with. When I asked them if they had any suggestions on what we could do at home (2 weeks after a behavior, btw. What can I do 2 weeks later?!) she didn't have any other than that he needs to learn respect. I agree, but that's not something that you tell a 4 year old and expect to change overnight. Neither is sitting still for 20 minutes for show & tell. He doesn't get up and walk around, and he's quiet, he just wants to play with his toy behind his back while he waits. Yes, he should sit quietly, but again--it takes time to learn that. He's an energetic little boy. Help!! I want to yank him out of school (he's going somewhere else next year already) but my dh says to let him finish out the year. I'm worried about them doing more harm than good. Oh, and while they're talking with me ds is standing with me quietly. 2 older boys (maybe 7) are pushing each other, being loud, falling down the steps, etc. Turns out they were the sons of the 2 teachers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I don't think a 4 year old should have to sit and do nothing for 20 minutes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoundAbout Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 Honestly, I would just yank him out of school. He's 4, just turned 4! His behavior is NORMAL. Sometimes my son sits perfectly still for story time at the library and sometimes not. When he's not, I don't really consider it a problem, I just remind him in a gentle tone. He's much better than he was at 3 and presumably will be even better at 5,6, and 7. How much exercise or recess does he get at school? This is important. I put a plate of snacks on my son's lap when I need him to sit still, or give him something small to fidget with. It sounds like these are unacceptable. There really isn't an easy way to make little boys sit still, it just requires patience, reminders, and time to grow more mature. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I agree with Mrs. M. It's unreasonable to ask some kids to sit perfectly still for that long. However, one thing I'd check is his core (tummy) strength. If they are making him sit with folded legs and he's moving around, he may need a small chair. We used to keep those low lawn chairs around for kids in circle time who needed a little extra support. Doesn't sound like that is the case, tho. I do think he needs to not have the toy with him, but maybe you can teach him to twiddle his thumbs or something. They don't sound very adaptable or very knowledgeable about CD. Sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I don't like the teacher's attitude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 If you have a very active boy, I'm not sure you can. ;) My 2 active boys are 9 and they still cannot sit still for that length of time. Even if they are watching a movie they love, there will be somersaults, getting up for drinks, just standing for standings sake. I have one who stands during most of dinner. Now, I also have a "easy natured" 5yr old boy. Hey could sit for an hr quietly. At some point I had to ask myself some hard questions about who my kids were. What were their personalities, how were they wired? Then I had to ask myself what was best for them. Forcing them into a situation they couldn't handle, setting them up for failure was something I couldn't do. (I'm not saying this is what you are doing, I'm just going through my thoughts process) One of my 9yr olds in particular was going nuts in PS, and that is a huge reason we now homeschool. It was taking so much mental energy to follow all the little behavior rules, that he was falling behind academically. I've had to do things like letting him run around the block between assignments or sitting on an exercise ball during school. Anyway, that's my story with active boys. Since I have one very calm boy, it is a wiring issue and not a parenting one. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I don't think a 4 year old should have to sit and do nothing for 20 minutes. :iagree: And preschool teachers should know this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allearia Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I don't think this is something you can teach a 4 yo. I think it is time to look for a new preschool, do you have anything else available? I would not keep my kid there so otherwise I would keep him home. p.s. both my kids each went to preschool for three years, so I have nothing against preschool. It just sounds like this one has unreasonable expectations and frankly isn't treating your son well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I don't think a 4 year old should have to sit and do nothing for 20 minutes. :iagree: Some can, some can't. What we did with our kiddo was 3-4 hours OUTside, no matter the weather, of HARD running and play, and I started with 5 minutes sitting still at a time. By the time we got to age 5.5 we could do a good fifteen minutes in a sitting. But that was school, not with exciting peers and toys about. Very possibly, this class is not for your child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arghmatey Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 It sounds as if the teachers are not familiar with child development stages. I would place him in a better environment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sevilla Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 Does the teacher realize that kinesthetic learners are able to sit *better* when they have something in their hands to fiddle with, or are able to wiggle around? By nature they are active and that's not a bad thing - it just needs to be handled in a way that doesn't disrupt the class. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cougarmom4 Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I got the same report from a preschool teacher when my son was four. He didn't do very well sitting at circle time--he would talk to others, wiggle and move around. I told the teacher it sounded like a classroom management issue to me--it was HER that needed to figure out what SHE should change in order to engage him during circle time. I felt the same way you do, how am I supposed to work on this at home?!? On the other hand, perhaps you could work on practicing sitting still in a similar type of setting. Start your own little show and tell time at home and model appropriately the expectations of sitting still and waiting for your turn. I've worked with my kids before trying to get them prepared to sit still during church services--gradually increasing the time and practice seem to help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jlmom Posted April 16, 2011 Author Share Posted April 16, 2011 Thanks everyone. You made me feel better when I felt like I was going crazy. Apparently the kids must keep their toys with them behind their backs while everyone else talks about their toy. I know my son isn't the best-behaved little boy, but he's certainly not "hostile". Ds knew the teachers were talking to me about him and he came up and wrapped his arms around my legs and looked at me with this sad pout and the teacher said "see, that's the look we get". I clarified that he wasn't sticking his tongue out, spitting, biting, pinching, hitting, etc. I think that for whatever reason my son doesn't fit their mold and they don't like it. Next year he will be going where my dd went (they were full this year) and we love it there. It is run by 2 women who just have a calling for working with young kids and they are fabulous. My problem is this: while he's in school I have the chance to take dd to the library to study. She's been doing really well with it and loves that we sometimes go to dunkin' donuts to do our work, too. The one-on-one attention is why we homeschool and she doesn't get it when we're all home because of the attention that ds ends up needing. Sometimes I can find projects to entertain them both and it's fine, but not always. I feel like I'm choosing between what's best for him and what's best for her. I guess for 2 more months it will be fine if he's home. Once he goes to school again in the fall I'll have the time with her. Thanks for listening. Just talking about it makes me feel better. I know that dh will support me in pulling me out, but it's always nice to know that I'm not just overreacting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I don't think a 4 year old should have to sit and do nothing for 20 minutes. :iagree: It is not something I would even want to teach a 4yo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 Just turned four? That's not an age where I'd expect student-type behavior. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I don't like the teacher's attitude. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I will be the perpetual voice of dissent.:) I have seen 4 year old boys sit still for far more than 20 minutes when they want to. Tv, watching bugs, reading, watching me cook.... It is very much within their ability to do so. What most 4 year old need is examples (iow, if the rest of the class is doing it, they tend to imitate) and coping strategies. I teach my dc to put their empty hands together in front of them and to try to focus their super power energy force on who is speaking in front of them. I tell them if they are wiggly and distracted, then their super powers are weak and fading out instead of directing their laser beam of energy. Boys especially seem to "get" this. I tell them their energy ball has to stay contained in their clasped hands. So they might be going all white knuckle as one hand battles the other and when we get in the van they kind of burst sometimes.:lol: But for most of mass, or any other 1 hour or less event, they can mostly focus their energy. Are they perfect at it? Of course not. The goal is not ALWAYS. Especially at that age. It is USUALLY. So yes, I think a typical 4 year old should be able to usually mostly contain their energy for 20 minutes of show and tell. I think the teacher is an idiot. One, she shouldn't be wasting your time griping about stuff from 2 weeks ago. If it was that important, it should have been mentioned that day. Two, if she can't give suggestions on constructive resolution, then it's just pointless griping. Three, it sounds far more like she has a personality conflict with your son and she isn't professional enough to get over it. He probably knows his teacher doesn't like him, tho he probably can't articulate it very well yet. I'd pull him. Because I don't have much patience for incompetent people messing with my kids. Yeah, another you might be a home schooler if...:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawn in OH Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I don't think a 4 year old should have to sit and do nothing for 20 minutes. I agree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairProspects Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 Pull him now. I have been down this road, tried to make it to the end of the year, etc. and it is not pretty and it doesn't get better from here. Pulling my ds would have been a much better solution for everyone involved despite any changes or uncomfortable conversations with the teacher. Please learn from my mistake and just follow your gut to pull him out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted April 16, 2011 Share Posted April 16, 2011 I don't think a 4 year old should have to sit and do nothing for 20 minutes. Honestly, I would just yank him out of school. He's 4, just turned 4! His behavior is NORMAL. I don't like the teacher's attitude. It sounds as if the teachers are not familiar with child development stages. I would place him in a better environment. It is not something I would even want to teach a 4yo. They all said exactly what I want to say! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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