Interested in Homeschooling..how to get DH on board?

[warriormom]

I am very interested in homeschooling my kids. My husband is not interested at all. He works for our area school district. Can you point me towards some great resources/blogs/articles that speak of the benefit of homeschooling? Right now, we cannot afford private school. Help me out please! :grouphug:

[brownie]

Go to a conference! It helps to hear it from others and the enthusiasm is contagious. It also helped my dh to be surrounded by a group of conservative Christian homeschoolers who shared our values so he knew we were not alone. It normalizes it. Brownie

[CarrieF]

I highly recommend getting hold of an old copy of 'The Elijah Company' catalog! It is a bound copy of a homeschool conference! I don't remember the web address, but if you google 'The Elijah Company' and maybe throw in homeschooling, you'll find it. I believe they are selling catalogs for $1 plus shipping. NOTE: This was a company that helped pioneer homeschoolers with curriculum, advice, etc. and this catalog is worth its weight in gold! They are no longer in business as a curriculua company, but do still sell their catalog because there is still demand for it! They also have a book called 'I Saw the Angel in the Marble' and a brand new one called 'I Carved the Angel in the Marble' that is a collection of their articles. HIGHLY recommend them! Best wishes! It is a joy to homeschool (I say that as a former public school teacher!). ;)

[Homeschooling6]

I highly recommend getting hold of an old copy of 'The Elijah Company' catalog! It is a bound copy of a homeschool conference! I don't remember the web address, but if you google 'The Elijah Company' and maybe throw in homeschooling, you'll find it. I believe they are selling catalogs for $1 plus shipping. NOTE: This was a company that helped pioneer homeschoolers with curriculum, advice, etc. and this catalog is worth its weight in gold! They are no longer in business as a curriculua company, but do still sell their catalog because there is still demand for it! They also have a book called 'I Saw the Angel in the Marble' and a brand new one called 'I Carved the Angel in the Marble' that is a collection of their articles. HIGHLY recommend them! Best wishes! It is a joy to homeschool (I say that as a former public school teacher!). ;)

 

I believe this is the link. I still have an old catalog that I just can't get rid of, it was my mom's. There are thing she circled and such.

[Skadi]

Can you convince him to read The Well-Trained Mind? When he sees how comprehensive a classical education truly is, he might get a little excited about it too. :)

[Dana]

Your reasons for homeschooling may drive the way you argue your case.

 

I really like David Guterson's book: Family Matters. (prize-winning author - and former high school English teacher) It's well written and comes from someone who was in a school district while homeschooling. I got a copy from our library.

[CarrieF]

I believe this is the link. I still have an old catalog that I just can't get rid of, it was my mom's. There are thing she circled and such.

YES! That IS it. Thank you! :001_smile:

 

Can you convince him to read The Well-Trained Mind? When he sees how comprehensive a classical education truly is, he might get a little excited about it too. :)

:iagree:Great idea! My husband was pretty supportive from the get-go, but had some hesitations/concerns and the more I quoted from TWTM the more "hooked" he became. Great advice!

[Mergath]

When I first brought up the idea of homeschooling, my dh thought I had lost my mind. I've spent the last year alternately feeding him horror stories about public schools and reading him snippets about the wonders of homeschooling. Between that, and seeing how obsessively I'm preparing (and my dd is only 2.5, lol) he's onboard now for all twelve years. I started, though, by arguing for just a trial run with kindergarten, telling him that even if it was a spectacular failure, there's only so much damage you can do by not teaching correct finger-painting techniques.

[skueppers]

What convinced my husband was attending a homeschooled teenagers panel discussion. He was really impressed by the kids and what they had to say about their experiences.

[lmrich]

Have him take an honest look at the school district you are in....I see you are in the Atlanta area. I am sure that there are a lot of great things your dh is doing for the school, but there are some serious problems in our schools.

[redsquirrel]

It might help to know what his objections are. I find many 'civillians' have odd ideas about what homeschoolers are like.

 

I would either ask him to read "the well trained mind' or have him listen to a 60 min lecture by Susan Wise Bauer called 'The Joy of Classical Education." That is for sale at Peace Hill Press as either a CD that can be mailed to you or as an audio download that you can play on your computer or (if you have itunes) put on an ipod etc.

[jewel7123]

Find out what his concerns are, and then make sure you can address them. My husband was dead set against it as well in the beginning, but he's come a long way. His main concern was "socialization" (I know, THAT one again, lol), so I make sure that our girls are involved in our area with other homeschoolers. They take a homeschool ballet class, as well as attend field trips, holiday parties, etc. with our local homeschool group, so they have ample opportunities for socialization. Another thing that helped was to agree to take it one year at a time. That's not as scary as saying forever. However, now, after we've been homeschooling for awhile (I started early, with preschool), I can say things like "high school" without my dh freaking out. You know your husband best, but for mine, it takes him awhile to warm up to an idea, but then he's usually ok with it and eventually even loves it. Just the other day as he was praying with our girls, I heard him thanking God for me, and the time I spend with our girls, and then he said he could really see such an improvement in them, and that I have done a good job. It made me feel great! So there's hope. Oh, and pray! That always helps.

[Molly]

Despite having discussed it with my DH, when I came to the conclusion I was really unhappy sending my DD1 to school, I wrote him a letter about how I felt. He not only took on board what I wrote but talked to many people about it. He took three weeks to actually turn around and say that I could on a year trial. We are just heading into the beginning of our fourth year of being at home.

[NanceXToo]

Maybe you should ask him to read a few of John Taylor Gatto's articles and books. He was a teacher and has lots of things to say about the public school system that should make anybody want to homeschool :D

 

Try: Dumbing Us Down: The Hidden Curriculum of Compulsory Schooling

 

or

 

Weapons of Mass Instruction: A Schoolteacher's Journey Through the Dark World of Compulsory Schooling

 

^I just LOVE the title of that one. Weapons of Mass Instruction. That's great! :D

 

Gatto has some articles online, too. You could google his name and "article" and see what comes up.

 

Or maybe a John Holt book: "Instead of Education: Ways to Help People Do Things Better."

 

In the meanwhile, google "benefits of homeschooling," spend some time reading through the many articles that will come up, and then save some that you think might speak to your husband and show them to him.

 

Some people have success convincing their spouses by getting them to compromise: Agree to at least TRY it/do it on a trial basis.

 

Good luck!

[creekmom]

My dh and I (both ps teachers) were against it in the beginning. We only decided I should hs our oldest son in K bc of speech issues. - Fast forward 7 years and 3 more kids... still hsing!! My advice is to ask for 1 year to "try it out". Once dh experiences the benefits of hsing (flexible schedule, enjoying a close relationship with dc, the 2 of you knowing what went on during his day instead of being clueless, being "in charge" of how dc are educated, etc.) it will be hard to send them to ps. ;)

[dakarimom5]

My dh is not on board with hs at all. But I'm in charge of education and health so I win!! I told dh I wanted to hs and his respons was, " Don't screw my kid up!" He is seeing the slow but steady progress we are making now but it was a struggle in the beginning. I would like to say he's coming around but the most I have gotten out of him is, " At least his handwriting is better."

 

I truly believe that if you feel it is best then fight for it. I told my dh to give me one year, after that we would revisit the issue. I now have my foot in the door and I keep on going through.

[ScoutTN]

Perhaps speaking with other men whose children are HS? My DH has enjoyed hearing about HS from other dads, especially those who were uncertain or against it at first.

[Mommee & Baba]

My dh would NOT read anything about hs'ing in the beginning as he wasn't for it 100%. And now that he IS on board 100% he still won't read. He'd rather see the difference than read facts. So if your dh isn't the type to read anything about it. START now...on the weekends and when you have time with them. And show him what you're working on...

 

I too was one that just had to kind of "take charge" in the beginning. I was the one with them all day and I'd be the one doing the school with them and he was working all day and didn't have much of a say what went on. I know it sounds so cruel and disrespectful but it easily blended into our family structure very nicely and within a year my dh was WAY more into hs'ing than he was in the beginning. However he wasn't advocating it then or anything but he was still allowing me to SHOW him the progress. Our children never have gone to PS so we didn't have anything to compare the progress with until we began to see other children our children's ages that were going to ps not doing or even holding a conversation like our children and he started to click to the idea of hs'ing being a positive thing. When it came to the cost of homeschooling I kept it to myself, unless he asked...in which he rarely did...And in the beginning I did all the "free" school currciulums....because I didn't want him to be turned off by the cost. And he was firm believing it wasn't going to cost us anything.....4 years later he's ADVOCATING hs'ing for our family and others who question the ps system and we have BUDGETED a NICE amount per year for school curriculum, crafts....and everything else. So we no longer use "free" school curriculums as our base of learning....it's been a HUGE transformation in him! However it took all 4 yrs to get him that on board. He will now dig in the kids school, give project ideas and even suggest things as well as help me decide on a curriculum and the LAST thing he asks about are the price differences...his first concern now are what it teaches and how it's structured!

 

So to be honest...if he's like the average dh that is against hs'ing...then no book or lecture or conference will sway his decision. And for one how will he really dig in and research something he isn't wanting...if he's like my dh....PROOF is in the PUDDING. So start with school NOW! Make it fun and don't go out buying ANY curriculums..use the internet and pull the resources from many many blogs and show him how deep your passion is for hs'ing!:grouphug: And in time he'll see how well you like it and are happy, the house is still in order, dinners are still on the table at night and the kids are enjoying LEARNING!!

Edited January 19, 2011 by mamaofblessings

[krisandpaula]

My dh was not on board at all in the beginning either. He had an argument for every point that I tried to make. (he's an attorney, so I couldn't win!) Finally, I convinced him to read The Well-Adjusted Child by Rachel Gathercole and The Well-Trained Mind. These two books, coupled with my incessant pleading, caused him to agree to a 10-week trial period. The trial period was easier for my him to handle. Finish off the year at home, and if it doesn't work, he goes back to ps in the fall of the next year. No harm done.

 

We took our son out of ps at spring break in Kindergarten to try things at home. Spring Break gave us a built in "unschooling" period, and it made the departure from school a little easier for our little guy. We are getting close to our 1-year mark now, and just a couple of weeks ago, dh looked at me and said, "I'll never admit this to anyone else. . .but you were right about homeschool."

Yes!!!! (And for what it's worth, he praises it to his friends all the time.)

;)

 

I highly recommend these two books for anyone considering homeschool for their children.

[Dmmetler]

After my DD's teacher suggested it, I asked him to try it for a year. He was skeptical, but as he sees what DD is doing-that she's still learning, still progressing, and is generally happy, he's becoming more of a fan. And having the flexibility for DD and I to travel with him for work, or to take a family trip and end up at Sea World when NO ONE was there and the weather was beautiful has been a big benefit to him, too.

 

It also helped a lot when he realized just how many friends DD had when we were making up her party list and she kept adding kids to it-and it wasn't "Oh, he's in my class...It was "I like to play on the playground with him" or "We go to her house and ride her horse!!".

Edited January 19, 2011 by Dmmetler2

[Rosie_0801]

When I first brought up the idea of homeschooling, my dh thought I had lost my mind. I've spent the last year alternately feeding him horror stories about public schools and reading him snippets about the wonders of homeschooling. Between that, and seeing how obsessively I'm preparing (and my dd is only 2.5, lol) he's onboard now for all twelve years.

 

Yeah, that's what I did :D My dh was teaching during this time, and after a while, he started coming home with anecdotes to relay just so he could say "yay for homeschooling!"

 

:lol:

Rosie

[BBG580]

I started doing a lot of research, reading books and reading reviews about curriculum and educational methods. I think it took my husband seeing that I was planning on treating it like a job and taking it very seriously to make him comfortable enough to agree to move forward.

[AnnaM]

I took the "trial run" approach. We are on our 3rd year and even though DH definitely has his moments, he is for the most part on board now.

[Leimarie]

For us it was truly a journey. While I was in college studying early childhood education the idea of homeschooling became very real to me as I was what was happening in "the system". My husband and I spoke about it before having children and while they were still young. It was never completely written off. By the time my oldest was to start kindergarten I was expecting my 4th child and suddenly it seemed that the wisest choice for the moment was the local public school. It was one of the newest in our county and very highly recommended. We agreed to take it as it came, so to speak. Kindergarten was rough, he was ahead in many ways but emotionally not so much. It led to much frustration for all of us, teacher, student and parents. We went to the school often for meetings but continued on, DH wasn't sure HSing would fit for our big and busy family. His 1st grade teacher was AWESOME!! She was pursuing her masters in behavioral psychology I think and was very willing and creative in helping him learn how to focus on the task at hand without flying over the edge when things weren't perfect. It was a good fit and she worked with him in the classroom (kindergarten teacher frequently sent him out of the room for support), so we kept him in and prepared to send DS#2 to kindy there. DH was not totally opposed to HSing at this point but was concerned for me. How would I prevent burn-out? Could I handle them all at home (was expecting #5 at the time)? Would we ever get anything done? I didn't fault him for saying no. I wasn't happy, but I knew there was truth to what he was saying and I respected the fact that he was keeping what was best for our family in the forefront. Second grade was a nightmare! Frequent nasty phone calls and emails and a smidge shy of her "diagnosing" my son! After a meeting with said nightmare teacher DH turned to me and said "It's time." This fall was our first schooling at home. Not and easy road for sure, but it is where God wants us in this season, of that we're confident.

 

So you're looking at your screen wondering what it is I am trying to actually say...

 

Communicate your goals and desires to your husband and trust his decision. If you know he wants the best for your family he'll make the right decision for you all. No matter what the answer is right now it doesn't mean forever. Every season brings us something new. Don't try to strong-arm him into being on-board because it will go best for you if you have his full support and endorsement rather than him feeling like he's being dragged by the cart, KWIM?

 

Good luck!

[sleepymommy]

My dh wasn't on board with homeschooling until I read "Dumbing Us Down" by John Taylor Gatto aloud to him from cover to cover on a road trip.

 

He would have never read it on his own, so it became the car trip read aloud. We discussed as I read.

 

By the time we reached home I had converted him over to the dark side.:D

[In the Rain]

What are his concerns?

 

I think my dh was most affected by knowing hs families. I joined a hs group at our church when dd was only 3. We had other families over for dinner and saw them at social events. Dh was impressed by the strong family bonds he saw, and how delightful the children were.

 

He does think hs'ing provides a superior education, but knowing other hs'ers really put his mind to rest over the decision.

[Dolphin]

We just started this year. My dh got on board with the lets try it for a year approach and not make any decisions till after Christmas about the next year. We have just decided that we are going to continue through next year. He is now at the point where we can talk about the future, and what both of our ideal scenario would be for the kids. He is fine with the fact that i am HOPING to home school through 8th grade, but we are just going to take it one year at a time.

 

I had him write down his top 3 concerns. I then did the leg work and researched those concerns and came up with possible solutions and we talked them through. Then we did the next 3 etc...

 

The big thing, I found that telling him my doubts and worries helped. Turns out most of what I was doubting was myself, and that was not a worry to him at all. He felt better knowing that I was worried, and that he could support me too.

 

We also talked about what his role would be. I do all the set up and everything, but we do the fun science experiments on the weekend when he is home. He really likes that.

[Ritsumei]

... I started, though, by arguing for just a trial run with kindergarten, telling him that even if it was a spectacular failure, there's only so much damage you can do by not teaching correct finger-painting techniques.

 

:lol::lol:

I was chuckling over this, and my DH volunteered the information that the thing that won him over when I was trying to convince him was our discussions about bullies.

 

The way I see it, based on our conversations about DH & I's school experience in different states and a number of different schools and school districts between the two of us, I've come to the conclusion that the child in public school is faced with a decision: bully or be bullied. And that's the "best case scenario." (If you can call it that.) Not every child will have the option not be the victim. We both took some nasty bullying in school, though I don't think that either one of us was the brunt of the worst of the bullying. Still, it was enough to leave me with years of school where I remember vividly being grateful that there was deserted areas near my locker because it gave me a safer place to regain my composure before going out into the group of students again.

 

I tried to avoid being mean, but there were times when I despaired of being able to ever be friends with those kids that I knew needed friends desperately, the way I'd been taught, because I knew that would mean accepting the type of hell they were routinely put through. Jr. High is an ugly ugly place. Elementary school isn't a lot better. Kids are cruel. There were times that I participated - through my silence, by not objecting - in things that I am, to this day, ashamed of. Not that objecting would have done any good. Just gotten me labeled as a target too. DH had other challenges to face with bullies. The teachers were well intended. The rules said what was happening wasn't allowed. But teachers can't be everywhere, and rules are easily disregarded, and bullies travel in packs.

 

He wanted better for our children, and that's the argument that tipped the scales.

 

We're still somewhat provisional: organization & following through are NOT my strong points, and if it breaks down the boys will go to PS. But I have learned a LOT over the past couple of years, and I'm determined to keep learning so I can do a good job for my boys. So far so good!

Edited January 19, 2011 by Ritsumei

[warriormom]

Concerns that seem to weigh heavily on him:

 

1. I am not a certified teacher. Wouldn't a teacher who went to school do better than a SAHM with no background in education? He likens SAHM teaching to the difference of a doctor and a home remedy clinic.

2. He wants our children to be normal and not weird.

3. Again he wants them to be socially adept.

4. My son (5) is an extrovert and he believes that homeschooling would be discouraging for him.

5. My son (5) is a bit of a smartie pants. For instants, when teaching him to read, the word to read is dog and he says "cat". He does things like this or "plays dumb" to pick on my husband and I.

6. I am not the most patient person. He is afraid that this may not be good for my relationship with my son.

7. This is adding a lot "to my plate". I will crumble under all of the pressure.

[Homeschooling6]

At first my dh was not on board with homeschooling. When my oldest was ready for Kinder. he let me homeschool because the school in our area was not good (on a scale from 1-10 it was a 2). When he was ready to enter 1st grade we moved (states away). My dh did his homework to ensure that we find an area where the school were much better. We did and moved right next door to the school.

I asked dh for another year, so we took it year by year. At first my Sweets didn't understand why HS when one of the best schools in the state was right in front of us (you could see the school from our window :D).

We talked a lot about it. I would slip homeschooling material in the bathroom and most importantly I prayed. I asked God to change his heart or change mine.

Last year my Sweets, said we can homeschool through high school :hurray:. He sees the benefits of homeschooling. He sees the children maturing in their walk with Christ, he sees that they like each other, they don't speak disrespectfully toward one another or us. I can go on, but you get the picture :001_smile:

[Homeschooling6]

Concerns that seem to weigh heavily on him:

 

1. I am not a certified teacher. Wouldn't a teacher who went to school do better than a SAHM with no background in education? He likens SAHM teaching to the difference of a doctor and a home remedy clinic.

2. He wants our children to be normal and not weird. They will be normal. You know, when we go out we get so many compliments about how well behaved our children are. I have had more than once people say that they are the most well behaved children they have ever seen. If normal is talking back to mom and dad, or not liking sibling or at age 10 talking about boyfriend/girlfriends etc. then I don't want normal. I'm amazed at what I hear the neighborhood kids talk about.

3. Again he wants them to be socially adept.

4. My son (5) is an extrovert and he believes that homeschooling would be discouraging for him.

5. My son (5) is a bit of a smartie pants. For instants, when teaching him to read, the word to read is dog and he says "cat". He does things like this or "plays dumb" to pick on my husband and I. Then play him at his own game.

6. I am not the most patient person. He is afraid that this may not be good for my relationship with my son.

7. This is adding a lot "to my plate". I will crumble under all of the pressure.

Neither am I. I thought I was at one time, then I had children :D. With homeschooling my children I have learned so much about me and not all of it's pretty.

Edited January 19, 2011 by Homeschooling6

[robsiew]

I haven't read all the responses and I'm not sure how you can convince your husband if he is really against the idea.

 

My advice to you would be not to homeschool until you have your husbands full blessing. It's a full time job for you. One that is fun at times and tough at times. You will need him to be on board 100% (and not coerced into it). He may be skeptical at first, but you will be so much better off if he has agreed to the endeavor.

 

If you look to God for strength/answers I would highly suggest praying about your desire to homeschool. If it is the right thing for your family God will make a way for it to happen. Pray for your husband's heart to be softened in regards to homeschooling.

 

You may want to ask him what his issues are against homeschooling. You may be able to find some data (husbands like clear evidence) that supports a pro-homeschooling stance.

 

Hoping you and your husband can come to a decision together! :001_smile:

[twacademy2010]

You have gotten a ton of great advice. But I wanted to chime in... for us, it was the other way around. DH wanted to hs from the get-go but I was 100% against it because I didnt want to give up my "free" time and I honestly didnt think I had the patience... and that was when I only had one!!! :lol: He would casually mention it, but never push it. He would talk about bad things he had heard going on with ps... it wasnt until I met another hs mom that I decided to research. Then I found this forum and bought twtm and here we are!!! Now I am trying to convince a friend of mine to hs and pointed her here as well :)

[Rosie_0801]

1. I am not a certified teacher. Wouldn't a teacher who went to school do better than a SAHM with no background in education? He likens SAHM teaching to the difference of a doctor and a home remedy clinic.

 

How lucky he is to have had such good doctors ;) I just wasted $130 on a speech therapy evaluation for dd, because dh wanted it. They told me precisely nothing I didn't already know from reading online and after carefully considering it (ok, we argued a bit,) he said I shouldn't have let him do it. :001_huh: (I'm sure there are better ones out there, but we didn't meet them.)

 

My dh was a teacher for three years and freely admits I'll be a much better teacher than he would. (He was good at what he did, but he would NOT be good at what I'm doing/going to do.) Why? I care more. They are MY kids! It really matters to me that they do well. They are not just a job. Nobody is trying to extract more work out of me to the detriment of my family life, without even paying me for it because my family and my job are one in the same thing. (It helps that nobody here is pretending it's a paid job :tongue_smilie:)

 

There are great teachers in schools, but you can't be sure your child will get them. There are plenty of woodwork teachers "teaching" English too, and PE coaches "teaching" maths. Does your hubby really think these people go home each night and cuddle up on the sofa with Analytical Grammar or Life of Fred?

 

For your hubby's analogy. It's more like the difference between a GP (maybe what you call an MD? The doctor you go and see when you want antibiotics,) and a google search. The most important thing a doctor can do that a google search can't is write a prescription for drugs. You can't buy packets of "scientific method" or "algebraic enthusiasm" over the counter, so the 'doctor' doesn't have much to provide that a google search won't turn up. What will a google search turn up? Blogs, curricula, books, and the WTM forum :D which is populated by hundreds of people who have been there, done that (I haven't yet :tongue_smilie:; ) and understand what you are trying to achieve and how it feels to try and achieve it.

 

Ever seen "Kate and Leopold?" If so, you know about the Charlie Principle. If the missus doesn't see you washing the dishes, it doesn't count. You can make the Charlie Principle work for you too. What is your dh's least favourite subject? The sort of subject he knows is good for him but he finds so boring he'd rather go and clean out the garage? Get a workbook (men tend to respect workbooks) and let him see you studying it. Agonise a over the exercises, and beam all over your face when you get As for the test. Analytical Grammar is good for this, but if your dh is terribly concerned that his kids won't be tech savvy enough, start learning Javascript or something and have a good pre-prepared answer about how even if the programming language goes out of date, you'll still have learned the underlying theories, etc.

 

My dad had misgivings about homeschooling. He was worried I wouldn't teach maths. I'm not sure how he thought I would get away with that, but he was reassured after I gave him a 45 min lecture on the different types of maths curricula, the pros and cons to each, and my plan of attack, with the disclaimer that of course this would all be tailored to the kids when they were big enough to show how best they learn. Apparently that's more than he wanted to know, and "yeah, of course I'm gonna teach 'em maths" was all he needed to hear. :lol:

 

 

Rosie- who recognises doctors do know more than I do about some stuff and has nothing against them, providing they don't treat me like I wouldn't know my right foot from my left.

[NanceXToo]

Concerns that seem to weigh heavily on him:

 

1. I am not a certified teacher. Wouldn't a teacher who went to school do better than a SAHM with no background in education? He likens SAHM teaching to the difference of a doctor and a home remedy clinic.

 

But you HAVE been teaching your children. From the day they were born. It's not that far a stretch to continue teaching a Kindergartener what he needs to know. Or a first grader... or any elementary school student... even if all you have is a high school diploma, if 12 years of being in school didn't teach YOU enough to be able to provide an elementary school level education to your own child... then maybe he shouldn't even THINK about sending his own kids to public school.

 

Furthermore, you have their interests at heart more than a harried, busy teacher who will have them for one year and then never see them again would.

 

And you can provide one on one instruction, which no harried, busy school teacher can.

 

And you are certainly capable of finding out what you need to know even if you don't already know/remember it in order to stay a step ahead of a five or six or seven or eight or nine year old.

 

You might also want to show him this link:

 

http://www.hslda.org/docs/study/comp2001/HomeSchoolAchievement.pdf

 

Which demonstrates how homeschoolers outperform public school students pretty much across the board despite the homeschooling parent's level of education!!

 

2. He wants our children to be normal and not weird.

Saying that homeschooled students are "weird" or "not normal" is a stereotype that he should be ashamed of perpetuating. And you can tell him I said so. haha.

 

3. Again he wants them to be socially adept.

And he thinks that in elementary school, shutting the kids away in the artificial environment of a classroom with 30 other kids their exact age and one teacher, where they're barely allowed to talk without getting in trouble and have very limited recess time is teaching them to be socially adept?

 

And he thinks that sending them to middle school where they can deal with peer pressure, bullying, sex, drugs, smoking, violence and who knows what else is teaching them to be socially adept?

 

Having them living their life day by day IN THE REAL WORLD as opposed to being shut away in one room all day "preparing" for life- for 12 years!!- is teaching them to be socially adept! (And if that's not the case, is that why most public schooled kids are so mature when they get to college?) <insert eyeroll here>

 

Does he realize there are millions of extra curricular activities and social activities a homeschooled kid can be involved in- and that said homeschooled kid has more TIME for those things than a public schooled kid does?

 

My daughter goes to a library book club every 3 weeks, she goes to Girl Scouts every week, she goes to Judo every week, she goes to Homeschool PE at the Y once a month, she's starting a 10 week homeschool bowling league next month, she recently finished an indoor soccer league program at the Y, she accompanies me on many of my errands and outings, she plays with neighborhood friends when they are done with school, we belong to a homeschool group and go on field trips and educational tours with them as well as other types of activities, and she's done things like taking gymnastics, swimming lessons, art classes, we've hosted a Fresh Air Fund child over the summer, we have family nearby, she gets PLENTY of socialization.

 

4. My son (5) is an extrovert and he believes that homeschooling would be discouraging for him.

See number 3 above.

 

5. My son (5) is a bit of a smartie pants. For instants, when teaching him to read, the word to read is dog and he says "cat". He does things like this or "plays dumb" to pick on my husband and I.

He's 5. He'll outgrow it.

 

6. I am not the most patient person. He is afraid that this may not be good for my relationship with my son.

Or it will teach you/help you to become more patient. Many homeschooling moms have reported such a thing. Myself included. Besides, you're a grown woman, and you're his mother, why wouldn't your husband trust you to know whether you are having enough patience/having a good relationship with your son and to say that it's not working out if you decide it's not. This isn't a one time decision where you're stuck for life once you make it. You can send him to school anytime.

 

7. This is adding a lot "to my plate". I will crumble under all of the pressure.

See number 6 above.

 

ETA: And I would INSIST that he read these articles and even at least ONE of the books I mentioned to you before- if he's going to fight you on something that is so important to you and such a major issue in your lives, he should at LEAST do you the respect of fully hearing your side and informing himself with something other than stereotypes. That would make me furious!

Edited January 19, 2011 by NanceXToo

[Tracy]

My dh is a high school physics teacher. What convinced him was going to school with people that would be teaching his future children. I can ask him to write something up for you if you think it would help.

[warriormom]

Thank you for your response! I LOVE the article. THANK YOU! You are awesome and encouraging!

[Molly]

Concerns that seem to weigh heavily on him:

 

1. I am not a certified teacher. Wouldn't a teacher who went to school do better than a SAHM with no background in education? He likens SAHM teaching to the difference of a doctor and a home remedy clinic.

A certified teacher may know how to teach, but that certified teacher does not know your children the way you do, nor do they love your children as you do, and you will be working to cater to each individual child. PS can not do that.

 

2. He wants our children to be normal and not weird.

My children are definately normal but also weird but there again I am slightly weird myself as is DH. However, I have had people who did not know our children were homeschooled stunned when they found out as my children are just like most children, but that is because we are relatively normal.

 

3. Again he wants them to be socially adept.

My children are socially adept. In fact my often shy DD7 went camping with DH and DS5 this past weekend and made friends with everyone from what I have heard. She was playing outside till 10pm with them as was our son. My DD9 is currently at camp and I am sure being terribly social. My children are considerably more social than I was at their ages. They converse with adults and children alike.

 

4. My son (5) is an extrovert and he believes that homeschooling would be discouraging for him.

This was a huge concern for us with our DD9 as she was in PS for 18mths and very much an extrovert and full on child. However now three years later she loves being HE'd. She has not been discouraged in the least. In fact, I truely believe she is a much nicer child than she would have been if she were still in PS. No less extroverted at all, however beginning to mature.

 

5. My son (5) is a bit of a smartie pants. For instants, when teaching him to read, the word to read is dog and he says "cat". He does things like this or "plays dumb" to pick on my husband and I.

Oh yes, I have had this with all my children. It just goes with the territory. Figure out a way to not fall for it but react in a humourous way so that he realises he won't get the reaction he wants.

 

6. I am not the most patient person. He is afraid that this may not be good for my relationship with my son.

I too am not the most patient person and this is honestly one of the biggest comments I get from non-HSers who are obviously trying to justify their decision to PS their children. I have grown so much in the last three years, yes I still get annoyed at times, but certainly nowhere near what I did. The longer I do this, the more patience I have, the better techniques I learn to deal with things. It is a growth thing.

 

7. This is adding a lot "to my plate". I will crumble under all of the pressure.

It does not add a great deal to your plate at this age. It does put a little more responsibility on you, but you did manage to teach this child to speak, walk and many many other things. Just go with it, blend it into your normal day. Keep it as relaxed as you can. Take time out for yourself, even if it is a peaceful bath each day.

 

 

I will leave that all in a quote but I do hope that does help. I read someone saying about sharing your issues with each other. Realise that it is a team effort to do it and you do need his support. Suggest to him about a year trial, at this age it will not do any harm to him at all.

[shinyhappypeople]

Do you think your husband would be amenable to a trial year using a "public school" program like K12 or a charter program? You'd be reporting to a credentialed teacher periodically. This might feel more comfortable to him, and you'd get your foot in the door of homeschooling.

 

I'd also make a list of social activities that he will be doing. SHOW that your DS will have out of home opportunities for socializing, as well as opportunities to be taught by another adult.

 

If there's a homeschooling group in your area, maybe you could become acquainted with some of the families and invite them over for dinner. Let your DH see how remarkably normal homeschool kids are.

 

Hope some of this helps :)

[Ritsumei]

Rosie- who recognises doctors do know more than I do about some stuff and has nothing against them, providing they don't treat me like I wouldn't know my right foot from my left.

 

:lol::lol::lol: I call the doctors "consultants." I hire them to give me an educated opinion, and to write those pesky prescriptions. But I expect that I'll be making the decisions. Maybe it's the same do-it-yourself-ness that brings me to homeschooling...

 

3. Again he wants them to be socially adept.

 

If homeschooling = bad socialization, and public schooling = good socialization, then he should expect to see that all children in the public schools are well socialized, never rude, never awkward, and all homeschooled kids are a odd to varying degrees. Obviously, this isn't the case, and I've only ever met 1 person who couldn't see that at once.

 

My opinion is that socialization is a family issue, and not an educational issue at all. We have a family at church that used to homeschool, and they were used in all sorts of conversations I heard about why homeschooling is a bad idea. "Just look at those poor ____ kids. Look how bad their education is, how poor their social skills are." Funny thing. When the kids went to public school their educational outcomes were just as bad and their social skills were just as poor. So it must have been something other than the education they were receiving. AND, when you look at the parents' social skills, they are lacking, at best. But somehow folks always want to blame this stuff on school choices. In general, awkward/rude/unsocialized parents have awkward/rude/unsocialized children, unless they do something specific to push themselves out of their own comfort zone and learn a different way of behaving: the kids simply model what they see at home, and they often find peer/friends who behave the same way, my guess is because it's what they're comfortable with.

 

I think socialization actually has very little to do with schooling.

Edited January 20, 2011 by Ritsumei