Preparing for childbirth

[BMW]

:grouphug:First of all. :grouphug: for any who are hurting from recent loss or any pain related to having children.

 

My 20yog is now past the 36th week and we are quickly approaching the time of this baby boy's arrival. She lives at home with me. She and her boyfriend are starting counseling very soon to see if their relationship will last. He might be at the delivery, he might not. In any event, I will be with my daughter.

 

She has her bags packed. They have been packed since 28 weeks!

 

She has read about the birth process in "What to Expect While Expecting". There have not been any childbirth classes locally that we could find to attend together. I checked out a book from the library, but it was old. She wasn't interested. I am trying to get her to start thinking about the birth process and what labor is going to be like. She doesn't do well with pain...

 

So, I am hoping that you could give me some tips. I have never been a coach or with anyone besides myself having a baby.

 

Are there some things I should put together in a bag for myself for the hospital?

 

My list is my purse and my camera bag... lol

 

Do you have any tips for helping her? We'll look up some childbirth websites together...

 

Thanks. She is due Jan. 28th and although the baby is head down, he has not descended yet. Has a few inches to drop. So, I am thinking we have 2-3 weeks still.

[Starr]

I was on bedrest for my pregnancy and was unable to attend any classes. Dd seemed to know what to do. :D My first nurse was the most helpful. She sat right next to me and breathed with me. I could follow her breathing and focus. Even if your dd has an epidural or some medication she might benefit from some help focusing/visualization. You can read the books and be ready if she won't. You are a great mom!

[Heather in OK]

Throw away What to Expect...!!!!

 

For her to read:

Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn by Penny Simkin

The Birth Book by Dr Sears

Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer

Active Birth by Janet Balaskas

 

For you (and her) to read:

The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin

Fathers at Birth by Rose St. John (disregard the title...it has GREAT information for anyone supporting a woman at birth)

 

Websites:

http://birthingnaturally.net/ - Even if she wants meds, she WILL have to labor without them for a while. She must prepare to manage labor until they will administer pain meds. This website has some great information.

 

http://www.childbirth.org/articles/labor.html - Again, great information. They also have a birth plan generator. It's a great thing to work through so she can see what is typically done and what choices she has. After going through that, she can read and research to make informed choices. If she wants to take that and make an actual birth/baby care plan, make sure it fits on one sheet of paper or a large index card.

 

http://www.childbirthconnection.org/article.asp?ck=10421 - some pics of the different positions for laboring

 

For your bag:

Unscented lotion or massage oil

tennis ball or other massage tools (although, I've never used them at a birth, your hands are the best massage tool)

cash for vending

snacks

toothbrush/toothpaste

a change of clothes

mints and/or gum

cell phone charger

camera (with chargers if needed)

 

It's easy to make a hot or cold pack at the hospital. The RNs can take a towel, wrap it in Chux, and then tape it. Then you stick it in the microwave to warm it up. For a cold pack, grab a large glove and fill it with ice, then tie like a balloon.

 

If you would like more book and website recommendations, I can email you the list I give clients.

 

although the baby is head down, he has not descended yet. Has a few inches to drop. So, I am thinking we have 2-3 weeks still.

Eh...that doesn't really mean anything. Some babies don't drop until the woman is laboring.

 

The chances are greater that because she is a first time mama, she'll go past her due date (another thing she needs to be prepared for b/c they will very most likely want to induce her). I've never had a first timer go past 41.5wks.

[Carrie12345]

I'd add http://www.amazon.com/Natural-Childbirth-Bradley-Way-Revised/dp/0452276594. Even if "natural" isn't the ultimate goal, I found this book to have the biggest impact on my labors, and I didn't read it until birth #3. I went on to re-read it and carry that experience into the two labor and deliveries that followed, including the one less than 3 weeks ago. :)

[BMW]

Thanks! I am off to see what I can find. Our library is terribly small. I may have to browse at Barnes and Noble, see what would be useful for over the years to purchase and then read at the websites...

 

I am getting excited, but it seems like these next few weeks may feel like the longest! I thought 9 months would take a long time! The last month seems to crawl...

[wapiti]

In addition to the reading mentioned above, I'd talk to her about the pain or it might be really shocking to her. My general advice is to not fight the pain but to focus on the opening up of the, um, birth pathway. She can tense up anyplace else she likes as long as she relaxes that area of her body so the contractions can do their work. (Personally, I like to grip the bed rail while visualizing running up a mountain with rhythmic breathing and singing songs in my head, but then I had relatively fast labors with no break in between contractions once things really got going.) And remind her that the pain all ends when the baby comes out :)

 

Best wishes for a safe and happy birth!

[Heather in OK]

Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn would be a good one to invest in. She'll be able to read through it after the baby is here. :)

 

Active Birth or Fathers at Birth would be two I would also consider buying. Such good information in there, should she have children later they would be ones she could review through.

[Heather in OK]

She can tense up anyplace else she likes as long as she relaxes that area of her body so the contractions can do their work.

Actually, focusing on keeping the jaw relaxed helps to keep the pelvic muscles relaxed. ;)

[Mama Geek]

I was walking almost everyday up until dd was born, my doc had the stay active attitude and I didn't have problems that would have needed bed rest. My MIL thought I was crazy b/c I didn't sit around and do nothing:D. I am glad I didn't.

 

My nurse at the Doc's office said that the breathing classes aren't any better than just taking deep breaths and having the coach there to help with those. That worked for me. My dh was great, he made me laugh when I wasn't in pain, he held my hand, rubbed my back, and did anything he could to make me comfortable. We had an Ipod and a set of speakers playing music.

 

I went through 10 hours of labor and was fully dilated (without drugs) when they had to do an emergency C-section. With all the time I spent walking and staying active, I was up the next day walking the halls at the hospital. That is when they tell you that you can go home and recover.

 

I wish you and your dd the best.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Actually, focusing on keeping the jaw relaxed helps to keep the pelvic muscles relaxed. ;)

 

One of my favorite ideas that Dr. Bradley promoted was "sleep imitation". If she doesn't look like she is asleep, then she is tense somewhere. One of my doula friends would have a mom who was tensing her jaw to say a word ending in "O" as a mantra. One of my students, a musician, kept repeating the word "pianoooooo". She found that helpful in keeping her jaw relaxed.

 

Another one of my favorite books is Mind Over Labor by Carl Jones. It is an awesome guide to mental and emotional relaxation, which, by how you describe your daughter's relationship with the baby's father, could be a biggie. There are some excellent guided visualizations that I often used in my childbirth classes and found them helpful in my own labors.

[Murphy101]

I agree with everyone else but will add

 

Discuss pain relief med options. What kind might work best, what you want to avoid. Pros and cons of each.

 

Yes, natural is preferred and doable much of the time.

 

But if she should decide she needs meds, she should know going in what would best meet her goals.

 

Discuss c/s procedure with the dr. Because there are variations. Don't wait until you need a c/s to know the details. Knowing in advance can make it less scary should the need arise,

 

And at 20, though you can mention these things to her, she should be discussing them with her dr and making her own decisions. Partly bc every dr has different protocols and so does every hospital.

 

And her decisions might change once she is in labor. Maybe she will decide she wants meds. Maybe she will decide she wants you or bf to take a hike. That's okay too. It's her first delivery, so every thing she thinks she wants might go out the window once she is actually in labor. It happens.

 

Good luck and hope all goes well for everyone!:)

[Shifra]

Two tips:

 

1. One I got from The Birth Book by William and Martha Sears. Take each contraction one at a time. Do not worry that just because this contraction was so hard the next one will be infinately worse. One. At. A. Time.

 

2. Again from The Birth Book. As a birth coach, be positive no matter what. Always encourage your daughter that she is doing great.

 

I also found the relaxation exercises from Natural Childbirth the Natural Way to be invaluable.

[TheReader]

One thing that our birth class teacher did with us when I was pregnant with my first was to have us practice holding an ice cube in our hand and doing our breathing/focusing through that. She'd start with something like 30 seconds, then a minute, then a minute & a half, etc.

 

This helped us focus through actual pain/discomfort, which was helpful, AND helped us realize that a contraction, however badly it might hurt, wouldn't last forever. If we could hang on a few more seconds, we'd be okay.

 

I'd also definitely talk about options for pain meds, just in case. And then just love her and support her no matter what/however things go. I was pathetically under-prepared with all of mine (my first was born before we finished our class, and we never did re-take a course....), but that ice cube thing really helped in all 3 cases.

 

best wishes to your dd!

[babysparkler]

I'd add http://www.amazon.com/Natural-Childbirth-Bradley-Way-Revised/dp/0452276594. Even if "natural" isn't the ultimate goal, I found this book to have the biggest impact on my labors, and I didn't read it until birth #3. I went on to re-read it and carry that experience into the two labor and deliveries that followed, including the one less than 3 weeks ago. :)

:iagree: Best. book. ever. I also didn't read it until Birth #3 and my last two births were SO MUCH BETTER than the first two.

[mommaduck]

One thing that our birth class teacher did with us when I was pregnant with my first was to have us practice holding an ice cube in our hand and doing our breathing/focusing through that. She'd start with something like 30 seconds, then a minute, then a minute & a half, etc.

 

This helped us focus through actual pain/discomfort, which was helpful, AND helped us realize that a contraction, however badly it might hurt, wouldn't last forever. If we could hang on a few more seconds, we'd be okay.

 

I'd also definitely talk about options for pain meds, just in case. And then just love her and support her no matter what/however things go. I was pathetically under-prepared with all of mine (my first was born before we finished our class, and we never did re-take a course....), but that ice cube thing really helped in all 3 cases.

 

best wishes to your dd!

I love this! It's true. Focusing on the pain and seeing your way through it works much better than fighting or hoping to avoid it.

[MissKNG]

Make sure you pack a lot of extra clothes for the baby. We went through 5 outfits in one day with my small girl and I had to send a friend to do laundry for us!

 

Pack your regular towels and your own soap and shower puff. At the hospital I gave birth, the "regular" towels were about the size of hand towels and the soap bar was tiny. Of course, then give you more but it's just fresher when you have your own shower gel and puff!

 

I would also bring your own slippers. And make sure she has a nightgown that buttons down the front for easier breast feeding.

 

Make sure she knows if she's Group B Strep positive or not. If any sort of emergency happens, then you can make sure she is treated for it.

[Lara in Colo]

I really liked having my own pillow, I stuffed it between the bed rail and myself and could prop my arm and the baby for easier breast feeding. I liked my own underwear and fem hygiene stuff-- theirs aways leaked and I felt like I was wearing an illfitting diaper (I secretly thought Depends would be a great idea, but never tried).

 

I also had a birthday cake for the little one and his/her relatives---plus the leftovers went to the nurses--it never hurts to suck up a little!!

 

One hint: the nurses wake you up a million times to check on you and the baby, to ask how much it's eaten or pooped. I set up a board or a notebook with the info they wanted so they didin't have to wake me up after I had just **finallly** gotten to sleep.

 

Lara

[meggie]

This is maybe kinda gross, but after the birth of my second child (a homebirth), my midwife had me put on adult diapers. She'd included several in the kit and when they ran out, I sent my husband out for more. Gross and weird I know, but they work so well, absolutely no leaking whatsoever. Much better than pads. So anytime a woman expecting her first asks for advice, I tell her to get those.

 

Also, contractions are much easier to deal with if you are relaxed. When I had my first and was not far enough along to be admitted to the hospital, I'd tense up and it made it worse. So maybe have her practice relaxation techniques every day until baby comes. Things like laying down and slow breathing and making herself go limp.