Peela Posted December 17, 2010 Share Posted December 17, 2010 Perhaps not for the easily offended. These Questions were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are... the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for morons!) Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK). A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of? Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (USA) A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked. Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do... Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is... Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? (UK) A: You are a British politician, right? Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? (France) A: Only at Christmas. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest CarolineUK Posted December 17, 2010 Share Posted December 17, 2010 Too funny! Thank you for the giggle it gave me while eating my breakfast :D. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy in Australia Posted December 17, 2010 Share Posted December 17, 2010 That is hysterical! :lol::smilielol5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted December 17, 2010 Share Posted December 17, 2010 :lol::lol::lol: That was great. My dm got a kick out of it too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted December 17, 2010 Share Posted December 17, 2010 Loved it! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GWOB Posted December 17, 2010 Share Posted December 17, 2010 I think Aussies just topped the list of my favorite people in the world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sahamamama Posted December 17, 2010 Share Posted December 17, 2010 Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (USA) A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked. :lol::lol::lol: Hilarious, Peela! I love these. And I'm an American. :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ibbygirl Posted December 17, 2010 Share Posted December 17, 2010 :lol::lol::lol: That's funny! hehe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pqr Posted December 17, 2010 Share Posted December 17, 2010 (edited) Then there is this one. Given in fun. A pom (Brit), just off the plane at Sydney airport, is in line for Australian customs. When it's his turn to get his passport stamped, the customs officer asks usual questions: Customs. - How long will you be here for? Pom - 10 days. Customs. - What is the nature of your trip? Pom - Business. Customs. - Do you have any past criminal convictions? Pom - I didn't think we still needed to! Edited December 17, 2010 by pqr Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabeth in IL Posted December 17, 2010 Share Posted December 17, 2010 Loved it!!! I laughed soooooo hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mejane Posted December 17, 2010 Share Posted December 17, 2010 Too funny. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BMW Posted December 17, 2010 Share Posted December 17, 2010 Truly terrific!!!!:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deb in NZ Posted December 17, 2010 Share Posted December 17, 2010 :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted December 17, 2010 Share Posted December 17, 2010 That's hysterical! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted December 17, 2010 Share Posted December 17, 2010 :lol: The same stuff has been circulating in Canada for years via email... here's a copy and paste from one: These questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Canuck. Q: I have never seen it warm on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street?(USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking. Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden) A: So its true what they say about Swedes. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy) A: Let's not touch this one. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of ? Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada?(USA) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked. Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is....oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted December 17, 2010 Share Posted December 17, 2010 :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcconnellboys Posted December 18, 2010 Share Posted December 18, 2010 :smilielol5::smilielol5::smilielol5: Where's the smiley that's spitting out his drink? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted December 18, 2010 Share Posted December 18, 2010 Then there is this one. Given in fun. A pom (Brit), just off the plane at Sydney airport, is in line for Australian customs. When it's his turn to get his passport stamped, the customs officer asks usual questions: Customs. - How long will you be here for? Pom - 10 days. Customs. - What is the nature of your trip? Pom - Business. Customs. - Do you have any past criminal convictions? Pom - I didn't think we still needed to! :lol: Now THAT is funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber in AUS Posted December 18, 2010 Share Posted December 18, 2010 Love it! Thanks for sharing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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