Living at home in college

[LibraryLover]

18 yr old is certain that she wants to attend college near home (there are several good options). I am fine with this.

Do many of you have children living at home while attending college?

Edited October 19, 2013 by LibraryLover

[JennW in SoCal]

I went far away, my oldest has gone far away. My youngest hopes to go far away.

 

My dh lived at home until he was 24 or 25 (typical in the area of the country where he lived).

 

My neighbor's children all are living at home still, even the 26ish police officer!!

[LibraryLover]

I would be ok with that.

 

 

Edited October 16, 2013 by LibraryLover

[FaithManor]

You know what! I went away, I came from a family of "away'ers", and so did dh. The concept of commuting seemed so foreign to us and we always thought that dd would want to go away too!

 

It didn't work out that way. I've met soooo many kids who have chosen commuting because it just makes more sense financially, etc. One of dd's friends put it this way, "I'd have to take out student loans in order to live away from home. What if I find that I can't stand the institution I'm at or that the dorm life there is not conducive to studying? I've wasted a lot of money to find this out when I can just live at home and be the serious student I want to be without moving, dealing with roomates, dorms that never sleep, debt, etc."

 

DD is pretty pragmatic and she doesn't need to live away from home in order to learn the life lessons that I needed to learn.

 

My youngest will be the same way. But those middle two boys...well, I don't want to go into debt to have them live away at school if I can possibly help it, but I'd sure be tempted to sign them up for some sort of indentured servitude program so they could live in dorms with big signs plastered everywhere "YOUR MAMMA DOESN'T LIVE HERE! GET A GRIP!"

 

Faith

Edited November 3, 2010 by FaithManor
spelling

[LibraryLover]

lol, Faith.

[newbie]

We are a commuter family.

 

Lots of pros, the only con is transportion, here at least. If she drives, which mine doesn't, she will love it.

 

The only thing we are finding is, lots of meetings w/clubs or projects make going back and forth difficult and I think lots of roommates have bonded and she hasnt found that special friend yet, but it has only been two mos.

 

We are considering dorm life for next year, if not, definitely junior and senior years. Time to start saving.

[Pam L in Mid Tenn]

Yes. For financial reasons. My 18 year old goes to college about 30 minutes away. Next year, I think my next dd will attend where she can live at home.

[Liza Q]

One of dd's friends put it this way, "I'd have to take out student loans in order to live away from home. What if I find that I can't stand the institution I'm at or that the dorm life there is not conducive to studying? I've wasted a lot of money to find this out when I can just live at home and be the serious student I want to be without moving, dealing with roomates, dorms that never sleep, debt, etc."

 

 

 

:iagree:She sounds like my daughters!

 

Here in NYC there are many colleges so my girls do have some choices. If this were not the case they would have to seriously consider going away.

 

Sometimes I wish they would, as our apartment seem tighter now than it did when they were all little. Too many adults around here :glare:

[Mejane]

Sounds like my daughter, too. She will have her associate's degree upon hs graduation, then wants to transfer to the local public uni. I think it's great. Like you said, saves lots of money. :) She can still have the college experience, just locally. She has the rest of her life to live on her own.

[Guest]

I stayed at home through college for financial reasons, and graduated with only $800 debt. Dorm costs are enormous, and not all kids are suited for dorm life.

 

People seem to be attached to whatever decision they themselves made and/or to what are publicized as cultural norms; but in reality there are many different ways of "doing" college and the key is to find what works for your dd and your family in general.

[KAR120C]

The college I went to was a commuter school in that it had no dorms and very limited apartment options (they were mainly for international students). And it was in downtown Detroit, where I wouldn't really have wanted to live anyway.

 

I lived at home and took the bus or carpooled with my mom, and after I met DH sometimes he would give me a ride... :) He was living with his parents too, and actually it was a pretty nice way to get through college. Very cheap, extremely convenient, and although I see a benefit to the whole dorm experience, I've also had enough friends who found it more of a negative than a positive that I don't really have any regrets about missing out.

 

I'm 99% sure DS will go away to college, but I have to admit... in each of our moves we've counted "good local university" among the things we look for. So he'll most likely have the option to commute if he prefers.

[LizzyBee]

My 18 yr old is certain that she wants to attend college near home (there are several good options). I am fine with this; she can live at home for however long she needs to.

 

But I can't relate. My odlest went away, I went away, my dh went away.

 

It would be a pleasure to have her home, yet it also seems unusual.

 

Do many of you have children living at home while attending college?

 

I couldn't wait to get away from my mom. I would take it as a compliment that your kids are content to live at home while in college. :001_smile:

[Angjune]

She's the one who will know best what is right for her. I desperately wanted to get away from home, but in the end I chose a university close to home. I have to admit that at that age I worried about things like what if I didn't like my roommate, etc. Also, with three of us in college, my parents couldn't afford to send all of us away so I would have had to take loans which I didn't want to do.

 

I ended up loving the university I went to and was content with my decision (at that time) but now, some twenty some years later I sort of wish I had gone away. (But I'm not the same person as I was then.)

 

My 16 year old son can't wait to go away so I guess that's what he will do but I think my daughter will stay close to home. I guess its all about what's right for them at a certain point in their life.

[FaithManor]

The scary thing is when they consider going AWAY AWAY! As in not on the same planet and so expensive/so many hours to fly that you could never get there in an emergency and you don't know a soul who lives in that country!

 

DD, though quite content to be commuting now, is considering furthering her education at Charles Sturt University in Austrailia because they have some unusual medical degrees that she is very interested in and that are not available in the U.S. ie. the B.S. in Emergency Medicine for Paramedics and B.S. in Nurse/Midwife which Paramedics can apply to as well. She hopes to work for a few years, save up enough cash to go, and bye, bye mom and dad! ARGH! It's something like 24 hours to get there with very long lay-overs in New Zeeland or other Pacific locales. Dh and I would be hard pressed to get to her in any kind of timely manner and we couldn't afford to fly her home for the holidays or well, for any break probably.

 

I wonder if Peela, Amber, or Rosy are anywhere near there? At least they are on the right continent! Maybe I could convince one of them to be my back-up plan in case of major emergency. If she'd go to Europe, at least we have long lost relatives (the cousins in Denmark have been recently visited by Dh's uncle) who might be willing to "pitch-hit" if she was in a bad spot.

 

It's hard not to worry.

 

Faith

[Cedarmom]

My son is staying home. He has about a 30-45 minute commute . It saves us a ton of money, so I'm happy! About half of his friends commute, half live away. The ones who stay home have just about as much independence as those away.

 

My son is also motivated to stay debt free.

[Rosie_0801]

DD, though quite content to be commuting now, is considering furthering her education at Charles Sturt University in Australia .

 

I wonder if Peela, Amber, or Rosie are anywhere near there? At least they are on the right continent!

 

Bathurst campus? Nup, we're not :)

 

 

But I'd suggest she thinks very carefully about the financial commitment. I can't imagine how it would be worth the money she'd be spending.

 

 

All this going away to college thing surprises me. No one here, who actually wants to study rather than party, lives in uni dorms any longer than they have to. My friend who had to move 7 hours down to the city for uni only stayed in the dorm for a semester. Most people who can't or don't want to live at home share houses in the vicinity of the uni.

 

Rosie

Edited November 3, 2010 by Rosie_0801

[mcconnellboys]

Mine is going to a nearby college, but he's not living at home or coming home all that often. He does have a car there with him.

[Brenda in MA]

Do many of you have children living at home while attending college?

 

Hi,

 

Mine is away at college, but he considered living at home. I found that what he thought he wanted from the college experience changed a lot from the fall of senior year to the spring.

 

He tends to be a bit fearful when encountering new environments, and I think this fear was really preventing him from wanting to go away to school.

 

I encouraged him to apply to some local schools but also to several schools farther away. I wanted to make sure that come springtime, he had some options. Once the spring came and he really looked hard at his options, he chose an "away" school. If he'd chosen a place he could commute to, I would have been fine with that too.

 

If you can afford an "away" school and you think there's any chance she might change her mind, encourage her to apply a little more broadly now.

 

JM2Cents,

Brenda

[Peela]

I wonder if Peela, Amber, or Rosy are anywhere near there? At least they are on the right continent! Maybe I could convince one of them to be my back-up plan in case of major emergency. If she'd go to Europe, at least we have long lost relatives (the cousins in Denmark have been recently visited by Dh's uncle) who might be willing to "pitch-hit" if she was in a bad spot.

 

It's hard not to worry.

 

Faith

 

Faith, I am on the other side of Australia. I have considered upgrading my naturopathy diploma to a Bachelor degree through Charles Sturt- but I would do it by correspondence. Any chance your dd can do it by correspondence, or even part of it? The thing is though, Australia is a very friendly place and she would make friends quickly. And the university would have someone whose job it is to help students in trouble.

 

Here in Australia it is rare for people to live at university. Its just not set up like that. We tend to go to a university in our city or town, or just move and share houses/student accomodation in the same town as the university. There is not a system whereby one gets a room and food. No dormitories. It is expected that one lives independently.

 

So yes it is normal for young people to stay living at home while going to university because that is the most affordable way to do it. It is hard to do full time university and work enough to support oneself, although many also do that and get some income from the government to help.

 

However, it is also a lot cheaper to go to uni here than it is over there. A normal 3 year Bachelor degree is only about $20,000. And we can get low interest loans which we dont have to start paying back until we earn over $40,000 a year.

Edited November 4, 2010 by Peela

[FaithManor]

Hi Rosie and Peela,

 

Thanks for the heads up about the uni system in Australia. She has only heard of these programs through talk at a couple of medical conferences. The reason Charles Sturt is getting a lot of press amongst the paramedics is because we don't have a bachelor's of emergency medicine here in the U.S. for those paramedics who want to further their training. Most go into nursing after that but unfortunately it is not as concentrated in ER medicine as she would like.

 

Dd is also very interested in nurse/midwifery but here it requires a B.S.N. general nursing degree so many years of experience as labor/delivery nurse and then a master's degree. The depth of training is not as great as the midwife programs in Aussie because, midwifes are not very well respected here amongst medical professionals.

 

We have a lot of research to do and she is going to work as a paramedic for a few years to save money for further education. So, we have time to really think through programs and ramifications. But, if the US does not come on board with one of the above degree programs, it is likely that she will study abroad if she can swing the finances.

 

Thanks for the heads up!

Faith

[Rosie_0801]

I've heard that Australian nursing degrees are highly regarded in the UK but I've never heard about the US. :) I bet if your daughter wants to study here, she'll make it happen! Hopefully she'll be able to work as a paramedic here while she continues studying. She should also look into MICA training. That's the paramedics upgrade here. I don't know anything about it other than an ex-uncle did it so I won't try and speculate. He flunked one of his exams first time, so it must be as tough.

 

 

:)

Rosie

 

P.S. You don't say "in Aussie," you say "in Oz." ;) :P

Edited November 4, 2010 by Rosie_0801

[distancia]

"...What if I find that I can't stand the institution I'm at or that the dorm life there is not conducive to studying? I've wasted a lot of money to find this out when I can just live at home and be the serious student I want to be without moving, dealing with roomates, dorms that never sleep, debt, etc."

Faith

 

This is the primary reason my daughter has been dragging her feet about applying to "away" colleges. As much as she says she wants to move out of the house (and away from us), she also has come to the conclusion that there is no place like home in terms of flexibility and comfort. D is not a party girl, likes her privacy and quiet time, and wants to do what she wants to do, when she wants to do it. She's generally in bed by 11 and up by 7, as she is very into health and fitness.

 

She cringes at the idea of being stuck in an apartment (even with her own bedroom) with other girls who might stay up late into the wee hours, keeping her awake with their antics. Or having clingy, needy, dependent roommates.

 

D is also witnessing her friends moving away from home and having big, bad, adjustment troubles in dorm life. Drinking, drugs, abusive boyfriends, flunking mid-terms...just a few of the problems they are encountering in the (semi) adult world.

 

We can certainly understand.

[6packofun]

I agree!!! Ditto for me.

[Storm Bay]

We all went away because we had to. My parents grew up in rural areas & then moved to a different rural area. However, I see a lot of college students around this area who live at home because there are so many schools within driving distance.

[J-rap]

***

Edited February 19, 2023 by J-rap

[TravelingChris]

It doesn't matter what our children want- they have to go away. Why? Because we move. So oldest went away, came home, stayed with us for a few years and is having to move back into dorms for the last half of his senior year. Middle would rather go to school at home but knew this was not an option. I don't think it will be an option even for number three since although dh maybe retired by them, as she wisely points out, we may very well not be done moving. So we prepare our kids that it isn't a choice. THeir choice is where they will go.