Beginning to think that my dd may be losing out being homeschooled, ever think that?

[sheryl]

I just started feeling this way this week. She is 11 and just started 6th grade. We've homeschooled lightly through the summer, mainly math and language to finish on time NEXT May! She's an only child...some light school during the summer gave her something to do when her friends were on vacation, it was too hot, to stay on schedule, etc.

 

She's soooo lonely for a sibling, specifically a sister now that she's older. I've been pro-homeschool since I first heard of it about 25 years ago. A couple in my Bible Study in WI homeschooled their kids and I thought that sounded so like me.....the home and hearth person that I am.

 

We are plugged into activities, but I'm one that does NOT believe in activity for the sake of activity, nor do I like to be "out" and "away" from home M-F. Still, we'll be out T(violin), W(horseback), TH(Bible Study), every other Friday(Science co-op). Homeschool in mornings and activities anywhere beginning at 12:30.

 

I've never felt this way. Could it be I'm tired of homeschooling? Perhaps I'm thinking ahead of potential problems. She's special needs and last year was waaaaay better than the previous 2 years due to her condition, but I think that time of upheaval still has a residual effect on me. Maybe I just enjoyed my summer.

 

 

She loves to be homeschooled....she has always been homeschooled and she's always loved it. She did take part-time classes at a formal co-op (classes and teachers), but she did not this past year. And, her science class that starts next Friday will be science labs taught in a classroom setting at a church with a teacher.

 

 

Have any of you ever thought this? Especially thoses with only children that are now in middle school. Is she missing out by not sitting in front of a blackboard. at a desk. with tons of other kids. in front of a teacher. raising her hand???

 

As for me, I really do not want to quit homeschooling, but I am wondering why I feel this way.

 

?????????:confused:

[Laura Corin]

Have any of you ever thought this? Especially thoses with only children that are now in middle school.

 

... that Calvin was missing out by not being able to bounce ideas off other people enough. I think he was also missing out on positive peer pressure. If there had been a college or co-op he could have attended then we might well have gone that route. As it is, he decided to go to school.

 

Laura

[Greta]

You say she has special needs. To me, that's a huge vote for homeschooling. My daughter is very bright but has a processing disorder and would simply not do well in a classroom environment. Sometimes I think about the good, fun things she is missing by not being in school. Then I remember all the negative, confidence-crushing things she is missing by not being in school!

 

You said also that she loves being homschooled. Does *she* feel she is missing out, or is this mostly your concern?

 

My daughter is also an only-child, will turn 11 in a couple of months, doing 5th grade this year. I'm very firm in my decision to homeschool her at this age, based on my own experience being in public school during the middle school years. Those were just the worst of times for me. It seemed that was the age where a lot of the innocence of childhood was lost. Social cliques were formed, girls were judged, mostly by other girls, on the clothes they wore and how pretty they were, there was a lot of pressure all of a sudden to be attractive to boys and to experiment with relationships though none of us were really ready for that. It was such an awkward awful time! Personally, I feel that I could have done with a lot less "socialization" during those years! :D

 

My dd gets socialization through family, life-long friends, taekwondo classes and Girl Scouts. She is an only but she's not lonely.

 

This is ultimately a very individual thing, though. What's true for my dd may not be for yours. What exactly is it you fear she's missing out on? And would the negatives be worth the positives? I'm just musing. No easy answers!

[NanceXToo]

No, I don't think she's missing out.

 

ESPECIALLY not in middle school! Shudder!

[regentrude]

My DD wen to public school - till I pulled her out of 6th grade. Middle school was awful. She did not learn anything, was not challenged, was bored, and on top of it she was bullied.

If you say your DD has special needs then Middle School is NOT the place you want her to be.

 

I sometimes worry that DD is lonely and try to find more activities for her; she is an extravert, just like me, and yes, for her we need activities for activities' sake because she needs people.

But sending her back to Middle school/Jr High - no way.

[Barb_]

You said also that she loves being homschooled. Does *she* feel she is missing out, or is this mostly your concern?

 

This is a great question, GretaLynne. In fact, I think it's the most important question. Parents (particuarly moms) can conjure up problems with their offspring out of thin air. I try to remember this mantra, "Don't Borrow Trouble."

 

Barb

[ma23peas]

I'll speak to the 'feeling' you have...

 

take time to examine it, is it that you have a fear that you're not giving her all the opportunities that 'all' the other kids have?

 

or that you associate the blackboard/raising the hands as something that is comfortable to you because you had that experience and have few examples in your own life from which to pull from that are different?

 

Now, take a look at history....the blackboard and the raising of hand has been around for thousands of years...(okay, maybe stone tablets :)) There were Roman schools but they were usually reserved only for boys, and girls had to be educated at home by family or a tutor...(hmm..very similar to homeschooling)...fast forward to the 1850's...the little red school house....teaching all grades in one room...jump up into the 1900's and you have grade schools...now we find ourselves in the 21st century and yet another evolution of school...homeschooling, which is probably the longest practiced form of schooling over any other! So, why do we feel uncomfortable in it?

 

Peer/personal experience comparison...we're constantly comparing what we are doing with what we ourselves received and what our friend's children are experiencing. So, once you can get past that and embrace your choice of learning as a viable and thriving option..these fears abate....

 

I have always taken it one year at a time, now I see us doing it through high school for all...each year new opportunities present themselves...k-6 I did it all on my own...we had families join us for Latin studies and art classes along the way....now mine are in 6-9 and we are using one class at a co-op, one class with a lab, and the rest we do on our own...they do appreciate the variety..I could not see us doing solo for 12 years...heck, I get bored...

 

Each year we seemed to add a subject, change our schedule just to shake it up! So, don't doubt yourself, keep it fun for both you and her..be spontaneous..pack up and take school to a park on a great day...enjoy being with your child...she may find some friends at a park she likes and you get some rest....

 

Hope this helps give some perspective so you don't focus on the worries! The busier you get in upper grades, the less you have time for these thoughts! :)

 

Tara

[funschooler5]

My daughter is also an only-child, will turn 11 in a couple of months, doing 5th grade this year. I'm very firm in my decision to homeschool her at this age, based on my own experience being in public school during the middle school years. Those were just the worst of times for me. It seemed that was the age where a lot of the innocence of childhood was lost. Social cliques were formed, girls were judged, mostly by other girls, on the clothes they wore and how pretty they were, there was a lot of pressure all of a sudden to be attractive to boys and to experiment with relationships though none of us were really ready for that. It was such an awkward awful time! Personally, I feel that I could have done with a lot less "socialization" during those years! :D

 

 

:iagree:

 

Last night, I found my old diary, one that I began writing in just as I was starting 7th grade. Wow, I can't believe how much of my time was spent worrying about friends and boys liking me....there were a few mentions of grades, but mainly I was focusing on my latest crush. I don't want that for my 7th grade DD, who still loves to play outside and has no interest in boys or makeup.

 

We did sign her up for an art class our local middle school, because she's been feeling little lonely, but I'm hoping just one class won't affect her too much. I think she can use a little socialization, but I don't want her immersed in it for 6 hours a day.

[LibraryLover]

At this point, no. However, I know my 11 yr old would thrive in the right school.

[elegantlion]

I have an only child in middle school. Right now he's out of town working with his dad. They're doing a construction project for my dh's sister. We haven't even started school yet. You know what, the time with his dad is way more valuable than any experience in a traditional school setting. If he were in public/private school he wouldn't have even been able to go, they limit vacation days to 5 per semester. Honestly I don't want the school system telling me when we're "allowed" to take time off.

 

The experiences my ds will have because he is homeschooled are just as worthy as the experiences of traditional school, moreso in my mind.

 

I have ONE friend from my entire school experience. Granted I've been out of school for 25 years, but this one friend I've known since I was 12. Not everyone builds friendships to last a lifetime in a school environment. Not everyone even enjoys the experience.

[Starr]

There is a lot of middle school you might just be glad she's missing. Everyone's life is different. If she's happy and learning I wouldn't worry. She's in many activities. My dd's ps highschool friends wish they were homeschooled.

[sheryl]

You say she has special needs. Yes, they are minor special needs. To me, that's a huge vote for homeschooling. My daughter is very bright but has a processing disorder and would simply not do well in a classroom environment. Sometimes I think about the good, fun things she is missing by not being in school. Then I remember all the negative, confidence-crushing things she is missing by not being in school! Yes, I agree.

 

You said also that she loves being homschooled. Does *she* feel she is missing out, or is this mostly your concern? I don't know. She says she loves it. I hope she feels this way deep down and not b/c she knows I want to hear it.

 

My daughter is also an only-child, will turn 11 in a couple of months, doing 5th grade this year. I'm very firm in my decision to homeschool her at this age, based on my own experience being in public school during the middle school years. Those were just the worst of times for me. It seemed that was the age where a lot of the innocence of childhood was lost. Social cliques were formed, girls were judged, mostly by other girls, on the clothes they wore and how pretty they were, there was a lot of pressure all of a sudden to be attractive to boys and to experiment with relationships though none of us were really ready for that. It was such an awkward awful time! Personally, I feel that I could have done with a lot less "socialization" during those years! :D I agree again. This is true. They need some socialization but not 24/7.

 

My dd gets socialization through family, life-long friends, taekwondo classes and Girl Scouts. She is an only but she's not lonely. Profound....I'll need to think about this more.

 

This is ultimately a very individual thing, though. What's true for my dd may not be for yours. What exactly is it you fear she's missing out on? The socialization b/c she is an only, but as others mentioned she is plugged in. And would the negatives be worth the positives? I'm just musing. No easy answers!

 

 

I'll speak to the 'feeling' you have...

 

take time to examine it, is it that you have a fear that you're not giving her all the opportunities that 'all' the other kids have? Yes.

 

or that you associate the blackboard/raising the hands as something that is comfortable to you because you had that experience and have few examples in your own life from which to pull from that are different?

 

Now, take a look at history....the blackboard and the raising of hand has been around for thousands of years...(okay, maybe stone tablets :)) There were Roman schools but they were usually reserved only for boys, and girls had to be educated at home by family or a tutor...(hmm..very similar to homeschooling)...fast forward to the 1850's...the little red school house....teaching all grades in one room...jump up into the 1900's and you have grade schools...now we find ourselves in the 21st century and yet another evolution of school...homeschooling, which is probably the longest practiced form of schooling over any other! So, why do we feel uncomfortable in it? I keep reminding myself these very concepts, but for some reason I just felt like she was missing out by not having siblings to socialize with...poor excuse to think ps could provide her with "appropriate" socialization.

 

Peer/personal experience comparison...we're constantly comparing what we are doing with what we ourselves received and what our friend's children are experiencing. So, once you can get past that and embrace your choice of learning as a viable and thriving option..these fears abate....

 

I have always taken it one year at a time, now I see us doing it through high school for all...each year new opportunities present themselves...k-6 I did it all on my own...we had families join us for Latin studies and art classes along the way....now mine are in 6-9 and we are using one class at a co-op, one class with a lab, and the rest we do on our own...they do appreciate the variety..I could not see us doing solo for 12 years...heck, I get bored...I decided looooong ago to homeschool to graduation too!!

 

Each year we seemed to add a subject, change our schedule just to shake it up! So, don't doubt yourself, keep it fun for both you and her..be spontaneous..pack up and take school to a park on a great day...enjoy being with your child...she may find some friends at a park she likes and you get some rest....Good advice which I need to take.

 

Hope this helps give some perspective so you don't focus on the worries! The busier you get in upper grades, the less you have time for these thoughts! :)

 

Tara

 

:iagree:

 

Last night, I found my old diary, one that I began writing in just as I was starting 7th grade. Wow, I can't believe how much of my time was spent worrying about friends and boys liking me....there were a few mentions of grades, but mainly I was focusing on my latest crush. I don't want that for my 7th grade DD, who still loves to play outside and has no interest in boys or makeup.

 

We did sign her up for an art class our local middle school, because she's been feeling little lonely, but I'm hoping just one class won't affect her too much. I think she can use a little socialization, but I don't want her immersed in it for 6 hours a day.

My dd is also signed up for 1 co-op class. I do think it's important for a child to learn under another adult's authority....that one class suffices for me. :D

 

I have an only child in middle school. Right now he's out of town working with his dad. They're doing a construction project for my dh's sister. We haven't even started school yet. You know what, the time with his dad is way more valuable than any experience in a traditional school setting. If he were in public/private school he wouldn't have even been able to go, they limit vacation days to 5 per semester. Honestly I don't want the school system telling me when we're "allowed" to take time off.

 

The experiences my ds will have because he is homeschooled are just as worthy as the experiences of traditional school, moreso in my mind.

 

I have ONE friend from my entire school experience. Granted I've been out of school for 25 years, but this one friend I've known since I was 12. Not everyone builds friendships to last a lifetime in a school environment. Not everyone even enjoys the experience.

Again, very good point. I've lost touch with EVERYONE I went to ps/all grades with.

 

 

Thanks Laura, Nance, Reg, Barb, Starr, Library...I appreciate your responses. Well, I WAS doubting myself, but thanks to all of you. Truly your responses reflect how I truly feel, I was just doubting a little which I know I shouldn't do. Sheryl <><

[Laurie4b]

Yes. I have and I do. I think it's our job as parents to evaluate what is best for our kids. The uncertainty sometimes can be really hard, but I think it's important to weigh things periodically and decide once again that homeschooling is the right option...or to decide that there is a better one for your child at this particular time.

 

That being said, my own opinion is that middle school is when I would least like any of my kids to attend public school.

[katemary63]

No, I don't think she's missing out.

 

ESPECIALLY not in middle school! Shudder!

 

:iagree: I have an only now (all her siblings are adults in college) and she is not lonely for a playmate because I am her companion and I rock! We do so many fun things together that she often chooses to be with me instead of her friends. She is very social and plays well with other kids, has kids over often and attends classes weekly too. But during our day times alone, we are having fun, even when we are cleaning, exercising or schooling. Make it fun. She won't be lonely.

 

BTW: Middle school is a horror, especially for girls. Trust me, what she's missing is a lot of bad stuff!

[sheryl]

:iagree: I have an only now (all her siblings are adults in college) and she is not lonely for a playmate because I am her companion and I rock! We do so many fun things together that she often chooses to be with me instead of her friends. She is very social and plays well with other kids, has kids over often and attends classes weekly too. But during our day times alone, we are having fun, even when we are cleaning, exercising or schooling. Make it fun. She won't be lonely.

 

BTW: Middle school is a horror, especially for girls. Trust me, what she's missing is a lot of bad stuff!

 

 

Thanks KateMary! I think I just needed reassurance. I'm appreciative of all the responses. Love your new pic.

[mama2cntrykids]

I think you got a lot of good advice and thoughts here. I'm enjoying processing what I'm reading.

[kat19]

I have not read all the replies but no I don't think she is missing out.

 

My kids are attending public school this year.

 

We shudder at some of the things my dd says when we pick her up. She is in 8th grade and has had boys asking her to "go out". She also has boys tell her she is a "crackhead".

 

And this has all happened in one week(school started on the 19th).

Edited August 28, 2010 by Kristafish

[Swirl]

I think that too every once in awhile. But then I think back to a couple of converstaions I've had about it.

 

My son played his violin at church and a dear lady in front of us started to cry. She turned around and said that she was sorry to cry, but when she looks at my son it makes her feel so bad. What?? She went on to explain that she volunteers to eat lunch with some children in the local PS. She said that they don't have the opportunities that my son has and she just feels so bad for them.

 

When my niece (who has some speciel needs) was in middle school she told me that she wishes she could be homeschooled like her cousins. She said that it's so hard when kids are so mean. Broke my heart.

[Kirch]

I have an only child in middle school. Right now he's out of town working with his dad. They're doing a construction project for my dh's sister. We haven't even started school yet. You know what, the time with his dad is way more valuable than any experience in a traditional school setting. If he were in public/private school he wouldn't have even been able to go, they limit vacation days to 5 per semester. Honestly I don't want the school system telling me when we're "allowed" to take time off.

 

The experiences my ds will have because he is homeschooled are just as worthy as the experiences of traditional school, moreso in my mind.

 

I have ONE friend from my entire school experience. Granted I've been out of school for 25 years, but this one friend I've known since I was 12. Not everyone builds friendships to last a lifetime in a school environment. Not everyone even enjoys the experience.

 

:iagree: Sure, she's missing out. But if you sent her to school, then she'd be missing out on the things she gets to do and experience while homeschooling. It's a trade-off. So turn it around--what would she be missing out on if she went to school? Some of her current activities, probably, since she'd have homework to try to get done. Time with you. Freedom to pursue what interests her. An education tailored to her special needs (which, although schools today try, is simply much harder to do in a school setting). Think it through--are the things she'd miss out on if she went to school worth trading for the things she's missing now by staying home? Just because it's a different (or even more universal to other kids) set of experiences from what she has now doesn't make them better or more important.

[Rosie_0801]

You said also that she loves being homschooled. Does *she* feel she is missing out, or is this mostly your concern?

 

 

:iagree:

 

I was just fine with my weirdo self until others, particularly parents, told me I shouldn't be. If she's fine with her life, then her life is fine. While it is your right and responsibility as a mother to tweak when you think it necessary, do it stealthily.

 

:grouphug:

Rosie

[sheryl]

:iagree:

 

I was just fine with my weirdo self until others, particularly parents, told me I shouldn't be. If she's fine with her life, then her life is fine. While it is your right and responsibility as a mother to tweak when you think it necessary, do it stealthily.

 

:grouphug:

Rosie

 

:iagree: Sure, she's missing out. But if you sent her to school, then she'd be missing out on the things she gets to do and experience while homeschooling. It's a trade-off. So turn it around--what would she be missing out on if she went to school? Some of her current activities, probably, since she'd have homework to try to get done. Time with you. Freedom to pursue what interests her. An education tailored to her special needs (which, although schools today try, is simply much harder to do in a school setting). Think it through--are the things she'd miss out on if she went to school worth trading for the things she's missing now by staying home? Just because it's a different (or even more universal to other kids) set of experiences from what she has now doesn't make them better or more important.

 

I think that too every once in awhile. But then I think back to a couple of converstaions I've had about it.

 

My son played his violin at church and a dear lady in front of us started to cry. She turned around and said that she was sorry to cry, but when she looks at my son it makes her feel so bad. What?? She went on to explain that she volunteers to eat lunch with some children in the local PS. She said that they don't have the opportunities that my son has and she just feels so bad for them.

 

When my niece (who has some speciel needs) was in middle school she told me that she wishes she could be homeschooled like her cousins. She said that it's so hard when kids are so mean. Broke my heart.

 

Thanks all. It's not homeschooling itself I'm doubting....it's the fact that she's an only child and the lack of socialization siblings may bring into each others lives. However, I have siblings so I know what it's like. Some siblings get along and others don't. I'm the baby with an older sister and brother who were only 1 year apart and did everything together. I felt a little left out, but as other posters have said, my friends and other family members helped to fill the void with my siblings.

 

Rosie, I don't know what you mean by weirdo self. Were you h'schooled?

 

Sheryl <><

[Mommee & Baba]

You say she has special needs. To me, that's a huge vote for homeschooling. My daughter is very bright but has a processing disorder and would simply not do well in a classroom environment. Sometimes I think about the good, fun things she is missing by not being in school. Then I remember all the negative, confidence-crushing things she is missing by not being in school!

 

You said also that she loves being homschooled. Does *she* feel she is missing out, or is this mostly your concern?

 

My daughter is also an only-child, will turn 11 in a couple of months, doing 5th grade this year. I'm very firm in my decision to homeschool her at this age, based on my own experience being in public school during the middle school years. Those were just the worst of times for me. It seemed that was the age where a lot of the innocence of childhood was lost. Social cliques were formed, girls were judged, mostly by other girls, on the clothes they wore and how pretty they were, there was a lot of pressure all of a sudden to be attractive to boys and to experiment with relationships though none of us were really ready for that. It was such an awkward awful time! Personally, I feel that I could have done with a lot less "socialization" during those years! :D

 

My dd gets socialization through family, life-long friends, taekwondo classes and Girl Scouts. She is an only but she's not lonely.

 

This is ultimately a very individual thing, though. What's true for my dd may not be for yours. What exactly is it you fear she's missing out on? And would the negatives be worth the positives? I'm just musing. No easy answers!

 

I could've written this! :iagree:

 

As I don't have a middle schooler yet....one day i will....and I will remember how it was and it wasn't POLITE, PRETTY or worth the frustration, pressure and stress I was put under because of other kids!

 

At times I felt that my dc were missing out but then realized they have each other. In your case she's an only and I'd def. feel that she'd be bored and missing out but you have her involved! That's well more than alot of what we even do with our dc.

 

I think having our children home and at events and activities we're attending with them or have a complete say on what our children are doing is the BEST place for kids. IMO.

 

If your heart says stay home...then stay home. If your dd loves it...wrap in that! I think you have what most of us go through from time to time...of questioning our decision.

Edited August 28, 2010 by mamaofblessings

[hillfarm]

I have an 11yo dd only child also. She seems fine with it. However, I have occasionally wondered if I was creating a misfit, someone who wouldn't fit in. But I definitely agree that middle school is NOT the environment into which to place her.

 

IMO, activities are fine but they rarely alleviate lonliness. It takes friendships to do that. Kids who call each other all the time. Kids who get time to be together to play occasionally.

 

My dd used to have several activities, but no friends. At about age 8 she began to make friends. Now she considers herself to be a social butterfly, with only 3 or 4 close friends and a great many acquaintances. Her main activities are church ones and 4-H.

[Rosie_0801]

Rosie, I don't know what you mean by weirdo self. Were you h'schooled?

 

 

No I wasn't. :D