How Can I Get My Son to Play Outside?

[Cindyz]

We live in 5 beautiful park like acres. There are woods, trees, streams, frogs, snakes, bugs and who knows what else. We bought him a HUGE beautiful swing set with attached fort. He has bikes, dump trucks, digging tools, balls, basketball hoop on its own court, etc etc. But...he will not play outside. He likes to run around and play tag with dad and will play in the trees if one of us are there with him, but he won't play by himself outside at all. He doesn't like mud and doesn't want to get dirty, doesn't like worms, and doesn't really like bugs. Having said that, he IS very boyish loving to run and jump and swing and wrestle and play various sports. He just will not play outside by himself. When I say by himself, I mean that we are outside with him, but we want him to do something on his own while we garden, etc. I wouldn't mind if he helped with gardening but he doesn't want to do that either. He will just sit there and ask us over and over to play with him or if we can go back inside. He's 5.5. Any ideas?

 

Thanks!

[Kari C in SC]

Invite some other kids over. My little one doesn't like to play outside much by himself, but he will go out for hours if he has a buddy to play with.

[KristenS]

Likewise. My daughter is a month younger than your son, and she'd rather be out with company. Or at least a specific task. She can hunt four-leaf clovers by the hour. Perhaps a Nature Treasure Hunt or Bingo card would be fun for him while you're gardening, and he can come back to you to share his finds. Or perhaps he'd enjoy planting one of those growing hideouts ... the tall type plants that you grow around stakes tied at the top like a teepee, or other forms. That sort of thing will get a boy's attention!

[NanceXToo]

My son (4.7) doesn't like to play outside unless there are other kids playing with him, either, most of the time. When his cousins or kids from the neighborhood come over- then he's fine playing out there.

[hsmom]

Gosh, that is a hard one. My little guy loves mud, bugs and such. My first thought was make a big mud puddle for him then I read your post.

 

Let me think on this one...

[hsmom]

Do you have a dog he can play fetch and run around with? Or even take exploring with him?

[bairnmama]

My ds is about the same age and he doesn't like to play outside by himself either. He will stay out for hours with his sister or a friend, though. I think he just likes the companionship. When you say he won't play while you're gardening, how close is the garden to his play area? Is it close enough for him to look over and see you watching him from time to time or to talk to each other without stopping what either of you are doing? I've found that ds is more than happy doing his own thing as long as we are close enough that he can talk to me about what he is playing/imagining. If he has to stop playing to come find me in order to let me know about some important part of his game or some discovery, he'll just stay hanging around 'till I'm done and ask about going inside. But if he can yell out something quick and get a response, he'll keep on playing. HTH

[merry gardens]

We live in 5 beautiful park like acres. There are woods, trees, streams, frogs, snakes, bugs and who knows what else. We bought him a HUGE beautiful swing set with attached fort. He has bikes, dump trucks, digging tools, balls, basketball hoop on its own court, etc etc. But...he will not play outside. He likes to run around and play tag with dad and will play in the trees if one of us are there with him, but he won't play by himself outside at all. He doesn't like mud and doesn't want to get dirty, doesn't like worms, and doesn't really like bugs. Having said that, he IS very boyish loving to run and jump and swing and wrestle and play various sports. He just will not play outside by himself. When I say by himself, I mean that we are outside with him, but we want him to do something on his own while we garden, etc. I wouldn't mind if he helped with gardening but he doesn't want to do that either. He will just sit there and ask us over and over to play with him or if we can go back inside. He's 5.5. Any ideas?

 

Thanks!

If you haven't made "outside time" a regular and predictible part of your day, try that. Routinely go outside at a certain time or a couple times, like right after lunch or after snack. Remove the option of staying inside or going back inside until you say he can.

 

Also, maybe bring some toys that he might play with by himself, (like little plastic army guys)outside to the playfort might help too.

 

But one though... I notice you wrote about having snakes and who knows what else. Is it possible that your child fears the snakes and who knows what else might be out there? I wouldn't want to go outside if I thought there was a strong chance of running into a snake. Are there poisonous snakes in your area, and if so, does he know what to do? If not, does he know they aren't poisonous? Maybe the problem is somewhat normal 5 1/2 year old fears.

[Chris in VA]

I think you should go with him. The window of time when he will want your company is limited. Bite the bullet, sacrifice your own comfort, and get out there to build the relationship.

[elizabeth]

I think you should go with him. The window of time when he will want your company is limited. Bite the bullet, sacrifice your own comfort, and get out there to build the relationship.

 

Absolutely . I cannot imagine not wanting to explain natural wonders to my child and to see their little faces when they see a nest for the first time or a pile of crunchy autumnal leaves. Wonderful memories for both of us.

[mom31257]

My 7 yo doesn't like bugs or getting dirty, either. In fact, he wouldn't play outside for a very long time because of his fear of bugs, especially flying things.

 

Now he loves playing out, but really only with someone else. He got over the immense fear of flying things on a field trip. There were tons of bumblebees at a horse farm, but a best friend went along who wasn't afraid, and I guess for once I was glad for peer pressure. He's been much better ever since. His best friend lives across the cul-de-sac, so I've got a great situation.

 

I think the toy idea is good. Maybe you could get him some pretend spy gear stuff and give him a "mission". Perhaps a nature scavenger hunt with a prize at the end would get him liking the outdoors. It will probably take some time on your part to get him interested, but with that and maturity, I'll bet he will love it soon.

[akmommy]

I think the others are right about him not wanting to play alone, and I think it is perfectly normal. Mine are the same way, but the younger 2 are close enough in age that when there is no one else they have each other. I would make an effort to set aside and hour or two in the afternoon that you and/or Dad can go out just to play with him and also look into setting up some play dates with another boy or two his age.

[Ravin]

I agree that he needs playmates. I could entertain myself for hours alone outside as a child, but I think I was wierd. DD likes playing with other kids, not alone, outdoors OR in. If we were rural she'd drive me nuts. As it is, with all the kids off at daycare or camp (even less available to play than when in school during the school year), I'm really looking forward to shipping her off to my mom for a month, where she'll have in-house playmates and more just down the street.

[LibraryLover]

Sit outside. Do something outside yourself. Bring a laptop, a book, plant things in plastic containers/pots etc.

 

Dump some water in the sand pit/box, get boards/ planks and little cars, make a tent. Put some water and leaves and stones in a pot and hand him a big wooden or metal spoon. Put an easel outside with chalk. Hose down some pavement and let him draw with chalk on it. Give him a bucket of water and a big house-painting brush. He can 'paint' everything.

 

I am not sure I would play-play with him, but I would be there with him. My littles didn't even like to go to the bathroom alone, never mind go outside. That will happen in time.

 

I would also look for little friends...and do the same things. Planks, water, pots, tent.

 

Step back. See what happens.

Edited June 12, 2010 by LibraryLover

[OrganicAnn]

I don't know any young kid that likes to play outside alone.

 

So go outside with him.

[Guest janainaz]

Both of my boys always wanted to play with someone else - even my introvert did not find much joy playing alone.

 

I remind myself that someday they won't be asking to play with me.

[2squared]

Gosh, my kids love to explore, but that may be because I expect them to be outside for hours every day. When you are out with him, do you show him the wonders of the natural world? Do you identify birds together, find nests, follow bugs, collect sticks, etc? Have you played in the rain with him and splashed in puddles with him? Have you made snowmen and forts with him? Have you given him purposeful work outside? Do you garden with him, have him pick up sticks, etc?

 

A case in point: My dh loves to point out all kinds of birds and their nests. My 6yo has spent many hours by himself climbing all the trees on our property to find nests and identify what is in them. His interest in this activity is a direct result of my dh's interest in birds. He also loves to explore the grove, and he finds all kinds of treasures out there. His other favorite thing is shooting baskets, and he is eagerly waiting for his first bow & arrow and gun. I won't ever see him once he has those.

 

My 8yo loves to go outside to play with the cats, check on the chickens, and ride her bike. She also likes to ride the scooter and jump rope.

 

My 3yo randomly wanders the property with sticks exploring everything. He doesn't climb like my other ds, but he investigates and reports his findings.

 

My 2yo loves visiting the animals.

 

All of them love playing in water.

 

Hope something sparks an idea for you.

[LibraryLover]

Your kids have each other. :) That makes a big difference, ime. Children often like company.

 

Gosh, my kids love to explore, but that may be because I expect them to be outside for hours every day. When you are out with him, do you show him the wonders of the natural world? Do you identify birds together, find nests, follow bugs, collect sticks, etc? Have you played in the rain with him and splashed in puddles with him? Have you made snowmen and forts with him? Have you given him purposeful work outside? Do you garden with him, have him pick up sticks, etc?

 

A case in point: My dh loves to point out all kinds of birds and their nests. My 6yo has spent many hours by himself climbing all the trees on our property to find nests and identify what is in them. His interest in this activity is a direct result of my dh's interest in birds. He also loves to explore the grove, and he finds all kinds of treasures out there. His other favorite thing is shooting baskets, and he is eagerly waiting for his first bow & arrow and gun. I won't ever see him once he has those.

 

My 8yo loves to go outside to play with the cats, check on the chickens, and ride her bike. She also likes to ride the scooter and jump rope.

 

My 3yo randomly wanders the property with sticks exploring everything. He doesn't climb like my other ds, but he investigates and reports his findings.

 

My 2yo loves visiting the animals.

 

All of them love playing in water.

 

Hope something sparks an idea for you.

[2squared]

Your kids have each other. :) That makes a big difference, ime. Children often like company.

 

Yes, but they often go out alone - probably to get away from each other. :D My 6yo spends hours by himself outside. I'm not sure what he does all the time since he disappears into the grove, but he sure seems to be having fun. Actually, my 3yo spends quite a bit of time outside by himself too. Not hours, but a lot for a 3yo. I think that's because the older two often play bigger kid games together and he's left without exploring playmates.

[LibraryLover]

Exactly. Your babe is used to feeling safe 'outside alone', as there are others outside playng their own games. It's not so much about playmates, it's more about knowing that there are others outside, over there...

 

:)

 

Yes, but they often go out alone - probably to get away from each other. :D My 6yo spends hours by himself outside. I'm not sure what he does all the time since he disappears into the grove, but he sure seems to be having fun. Actually, my 3yo spends quite a bit of time outside by himself too. Not hours, but a lot for a 3yo. I think that's because the older two often play bigger kid games together and he's left without exploring playmates.

Edited June 12, 2010 by LibraryLover

[LibraryLover]

oops! Double post!

[Cindyz]

It helps to know that so many other children are the same!

 

Believe me when I say that it's not that we don't want to spend time with him or explore with him. We do this all.the.time.every.day. :) We are self employed and we are all home together most of the time and he has our one on one attention 99% of the time he is awake. If one of us is cooking/working/cleaning, the other is reading, playing, working with him, etc. I guess I worry that because he gets so much of our attention all the time that he hasn't learned a little independence.

 

We do have a dog, but she's old and doesn't really love to play as much anymore. We've been considering getting a new puppy that he can grow with but decided against it because he can still be a little rough with the cats. He just wants to love them, but he has to constantly be reminded to hold them properly and to be gentle and we don't want him to hurt a puppy by accident so we decided to wait another year for a puppy.

 

He can definitely see us from all of the play spots. I've tried doing things in all spots to try to encourage him to play a bit. It's not that I have things I want to do, I just hoped to help him enjoy being out in nature and exploring on his own a bit. I was an only child until 9 years old and I remember doing a lot of fun things outdoors by myself...elaborate imaginings, getting dirty, climbing trees, sitting in them to read, etc. One of the reasons we moved here was so that he could live in a nature filled world instead of the city. Maybe he just needs more time to feel comfortable.

 

I really love the idea about making outdoor time part of our routine. He does really well with routine and I think that will be very helpful. That along with the idea of bringing a book of my own and being really boring to him, maybe he will explore little by little over time.

 

Thank you all for the input. :)

[Paintedlady]

I always tease my kids and tell them that we got ds so dd could have a play mate. And I'm only kind of kidding. ;) Sounds like your ds needs a buddy.

[Carol in Cal.]

It's great that he wants to be with you!

I am of the attachment parenting belief that if you don't push kids away, they will develop a secure attachment to you and leave on their own, more happily and healthily than if you push them.

[Nestof3]

Nathan has always enjoyed listening to audio books outside. He has a "boom box," portable CD player and an MP3 player. He swings while listening, and he often sits in his tree fort. My husband gave him a soft fold-out bleacher seat today to make it comfier. He loves taking his lunch or snack up there too. Sometimes, he'll write in his journal there.

 

He also loves his pogo stick. He's done it over a 100 times without stopping.

 

Nathan and Ben often play outside together. Ben is not a big fan of playing alone. They act out all sorts of things together.

 

They both enjoy the scooter and riding their bikes as well as playing with neighbor children.