Curing Chronic Tardiness

[scrappyhappymama]

Is it possible?

 

I've been late to almost every event all my life. My parents are often late wherever they go, or slide in just at the bell. The only demerits I ever received in school as a child were for tardiness. As a working adult, I had to struggle to get to work on time, and was reprimanded several times over this. Now I stay home with my children and they give me no end of convenient excuses for "running late," but honestly I know it has nothing to do with them at all. Even punctual folks have diaper blowout days :glare: but those days just make me later than usual.

 

Being late is so ingrained in my nature, that being early actual feels rude to me. It's weird because intellectually I know it's not rude at all, but I do tend to get annoyed with people who have the audacity to actually show up early to my home. Probably, because I am not likely to be ready to receive them!

 

But, I am really tired of being this way. I resolve to do better all the time, because I really do know how rude and insensitive I am being. It gets better for a time or two, but so far I always end up sliding back into bad habits. Or, I start off with great intentions of being ready to go early, but no matter how early I start, end up rushing around at the end.

 

Worst of all, I really do not want to pass on my own bad habits to my children, as was done to me. My husband is just as bad, but in a different way. He gives a lot of lip service to being on time, and gets angry when we are not, but doesn't do a lot to make it happen (like helping to get the children ready).

 

Is there any hope for me? Any advice from reformed late folks?

[Jean in Newcastle]

How late do you run? Set all your clocks and watch to be 15 min. (or whatever) early.

[scrappyhappymama]

How late do you run? Set all your clocks and watch to be 15 min. (or whatever) early.

 

LOL. Yeah I've tried that. Unfortunately, I am really good at adding 15 and bad at forgetting about my cushion, so it doesn't help.

 

My lateness ranges from "wow, I made it only a few minutes late, cool!" to "the last one to arrive" to "really, embarrassingly late" to "other people are leaving just as we are arriving." It's ridiculous.

[Ellie]

As someone who is chronically on time :D I have no real advice, because it's a non-issue for me to be on time. I'd have to be a fly on the wall in your house for a few days to see what it is that makes you late. Do you procrastinate? Get sidetracked? What?

[Amber in AUS]

I am always early or on time. I am actually anxious when i think i am going to be late, it just isn't acceptable to me. I think you just need to pull your socks up. There will be no more excuses, you will get there 5 minutes early.

 

Make yourself a positive affirmation, "I will be on time today" and stick it all over the house everytime you see it, read it.

 

Factor lots of time into getting ready, factor extra time into your travel. Don't fudge on the clock just work hard at it. Set a kitchen timer if you think that will help when getting ready.

 

Say we need to be somewhere for 12noon for lunch at it is 20 mins away. By 11.15am everyone is dressed and ready to go and i will pop the TV on so no one is getting grubby while they are waiting. I use this time to pack any last minute things into the car finish getting myself ready etc. At 11.30am i begin the final toilet stop before being buckled into the car. By 11.40am we are leaving the house and everyone is clean, has been to the loo and we have everything we needed to bring. Write yourself a timeline a stick to it when you need to go places.

[Tap]

When I really focus on being on time, one major thing stands out. I tend to put off getting ready until I have just enough time. Then any issue, makes me late.

 

I have to make myself get ready early, and then I can spend the extra time doing what ever it was I was being distracted by.

 

I get myself ready to go in the morning. NO putting on makeup as I head out the door. If I can, I get dressed too. If this isn't realistic (dress clothes won't stay clean for long at home), then I lay them all on my bed including shoes. So, I am not looking for a missing top at the last minute.

 

I put library books, or what ever I need for my errands in my car early. That way I am not having to return to the house to find them after I already left once. Same with my purse and car key (ETA: I put it on the house door knob-not in my car LOL). If I want a water bottle, I get it ready and put it in the car.....if it is hot out, it goes in the fridge. At the same time, I pack a snack. Ready to walk out the door.

 

Same with the kids...everything is to be prepped before we are ready to go.

 

When I need to go somewhere, I add 5 minutes for every 15 of travel time. I know how long it will take to get just about everywhere in our city (fairly large). But, this doesn't allow for traffic, a school bus or what ever else comes up.

 

I keep something in my car to entertain me if I get somewhere early. Sudoku on my phone is great! A book to read, a puzzle book like quick crosswords.....nothing that I would hate to put down, and thus make me later still.

 

I am often surprised how little time I have left after I get ready early. :lol:

Edited May 30, 2010 by Tap, tap, tap

[Melabella]

You are not alone. I have this problem, too.

[TammyinTN]

Is it possible?

 

I've been late to almost every event all my life. My parents are often late wherever they go, or slide in just at the bell. The only demerits I ever received in school as a child were for tardiness. As a working adult, I had to struggle to get to work on time, and was reprimanded several times over this. Now I stay home with my children and they give me no end of convenient excuses for "running late," but honestly I know it has nothing to do with them at all. Even punctual folks have diaper blowout days :glare: but those days just make me later than usual.

 

Being late is so ingrained in my nature, that being early actual feels rude to me. It's weird because intellectually I know it's not rude at all, but I do tend to get annoyed with people who have the audacity to actually show up early to my home. Probably, because I am not likely to be ready to receive them!

 

But, I am really tired of being this way. I resolve to do better all the time, because I really do know how rude and insensitive I am being. It gets better for a time or two, but so far I always end up sliding back into bad habits. Or, I start off with great intentions of being ready to go early, but no matter how early I start, end up rushing around at the end.

 

Worst of all, I really do not want to pass on my own bad habits to my children, as was done to me. My husband is just as bad, but in a different way. He gives a lot of lip service to being on time, and gets angry when we are not, but doesn't do a lot to make it happen (like helping to get the children ready).

 

Is there any hope for me? Any advice from reformed late folks?

 

 

What worked for me when the kids were little was doing everything humanly possible the day before. Getting clothes ready, breakfast stuff prepped the night before, and telling everyone our plans for the next day. I also get up 30minutes earlier on days when I have to be somewhere and get myself ready first. Then I only had to concentrate on them.

 

If you have guest coming the next day....don't go to bed until everything you can do is done. Have everything ready and then you don't feel so stressed in the morning. Also I always made the kids stay right with me if we were having guest-this elimated them destroying areas of the house because they were basically tomato staked with me.

 

It will get easier as they get older. :grouphug:

[Mom0012]

Do you look at the time you have to leave and then try to make reasonable estimations of how long it will take you to get there, and how long it will take you to get ready? I am usually on time, but when I am not, it is because I have either "kidded" myself about how long it takes me to shower and dress and feed the kids or how long it takes to travel from point A to point B (maybe because I want to play on the computer a little longer on a Saturday morning) or I just didn't bother to put any thought into these things. From what you said in your OP, I'd guess you might not even be making the calculations at all.

 

I think if you went through the thought process ahead of time so that you realized what time you needed to start getting ready, you would be well on your way to being on time. Throw in an extra 15 minute cushion on top of what you "think" it will take as well.

 

Lisa

 

ETA: I think the ideas about prepping as much as possible the evening before are very good too.

Edited May 30, 2010 by LisaTheresa

[unsinkable]

I don't have a huge problem with being late but one thing I have learned is to leave when we are ready, even if we'd be early.

 

Oftentimes, we'd be ready to go somewhere and we would have to leave for a certain amount of time so I'd try to do something (start a load of laundry, check my email, look for something unrelated to where we are going) and I'd eat up my cushion.

 

I had a mindset of being there "on-time" instead of being there early and it wasn't helpful.

[Peela]

What is your motivation for changing? What does the habit give you that you don't want to let go of? Why are you late? Do you not give yourself enough time to get ready? Do you have some unconscious program that says no one else's time is as important as yours? Are you rebelling against "the rules", against being told what to do and when to do it? Is it a way of asserting your individuality?

 

If it is purely a habit and there are no underlying reasons left....then to change a habit, you have to consistently do the new thing for 3 weeks or so. Do you really want to change? Then just do it. Don't make excuses.

[elegantlion]

I'm chronically prompt. It's my nature, a pet peeve, and habit. I'm trying to teach my ds to show up to school on time, so I've had to think it about it a little more as I'm training him.

 

1. Know your travel time. Then depending on traffic where you live round to the nearest 5 or 15 minutes. When I lived in a big time 20 minutes travel time was normal, so I budgeted 30 minimum. In a smaller town I only need 10-15 minutes.

 

2. Know what you have to do to get ready. NOT what household chores, bill paying, internet chats, can I finish before we leave. What food do I need, clothes for the kids, books, sunscreen, etc. If it's park day always have a prepared park bag (if it's like my house there's always a couple of tote bags sitting around). It's it's a class, make sure books are ready to go the day before.

 

3. Know how long it will take you to get ready, then add 5-10 minutes. If you have dawdlers or kids that need help add that time in as well. Really you only need to think about it a few times before it because habit. My ds can stall like crazy. While it should take less than 5 minutes to brush his hair & teeth it can take 20 if I let him.

 

4. Don't butt the time it takes to get ready up to your travel time, add a cushion of 5-10 minutes.

 

5. Be single minded. as pp said don't try to pay bills, sort the laundry, or inventory your pantry as your supposed to be heading out the door. If you're a distractable person (like I'm carrying a book to the bedroom, I forgot why, so I'll make the bed when I'm in here, then I find a dirty sock so I sort the laundry, which means I should also clean the litter box...btdt)make a list and leave in a central location for all the things you need to do.

 

6. I don't know if you have this physics law in your house, but it happens in mine. The more in a hurry you are the slower ds moves and the likelihood that something necessary will be missing increases. Sunglasses, clean socks, clothing that works for the ocassion. We try to remedy that by keeping things like shoes and sunglasses in one spot. My ds is a picky dresser and he worn a dirty shirt to an event before because he didn't like the 20 other choices in his wardrobe.

 

7. Quit accepting the mindset that you are always late. Start telling yourself you will be prompt.

 

HTH

[mommydearest]

I could have written your post. Word for word. I will leave at the last possible minute to be on time, and of course something always gets in my way...too many red lights, slow driver in front of me, etc. I once read a bumper sticker that said something like, "Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on my part." Made me mad, and it made me laugh because it was so true.

 

I know when my kids attended private school, I had them there EVERYDAY on time, albeit sometimes right when the bell was ringing. But, I know that inside it feels horrible to be late and I don't want my kids to feel horrible because of me. It is embarrassing.