Stuck in mediocrity?

[Liz CA]

Do you ever feel like you are treading water while others swim ahead? My ds is attending community college and did not even know until recently what he wanted to major in. Others apply to universities for scholarships and travel around the country in order to decide. We never did.

Some don't rest until they have a PhD in their field. I do not feel compelled to take that road.

Is it just because I am a simpleton who likes to watch my garden grow, leaf through a cookbook looking for new recipes and watch the hummingbird drink? Am I lacking drive? Am I lacking energy? (Never mind. I can answer that one myself.) Are we wasting potential when we don't go all the way? :confused:

 

 

[Pam Wilhelm]

I excel at mediocrity! :hurray: I have never been "driven" to do anything....if I want to do something, I get around to it....I'm basically mellow and very content.

 

My ex-husband was driven..... he kicked me out after 4 years..... it was so nice getting over him and realizing that I could be who I wanted to be not who some anal-retentive type-A wanted to force me to be.

 

I remember playing golf with him.....he was so intent....... I chased and caught snakes. He told me he divorced me because I was never going to make a "good" lawyer's wife....... he was probably right. :lol: I later married a mechanic and have been very happy and mellow ever since. :D

[happi duck]

I want to be the unique being that I was designed to be. Our world loves rules and I find that the world's rules can be crushing. I don't think true achievement looks the same for everyone.

[Cammie]

I am right there with you! I wonder the very same things. I have done very little with all my education and degrees. I had big dreams but never seemed to want to take the steps to move in the right direction. I am once again looking for a path, a plan, a direction but I feel I don't even know how to put one foot in front of the other. I hope I am able to help my children achieve their dreams - instead of dreaming about them!

[phathui5]

I don't think that there's anything wrong with enjoying your garden and thinking about new recipes.

 

For me, I wasn't driven as far as college and conventional work go, but I am passionate about birth, doula-ing and becoming a midwife one day. I'm sure there are people out there who would think that I'm an "underachiever," and I'm ok with that.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I was on the fast track in college - top of my major, got 3 certificates while others only got 1 (in Ed.), took special overseas internships in the summer, was offered a position in a PhD program straight after my BA. . . but then God had other plans. I got chronically ill - the same chronic illness that I'm still battling. But I am learning that God can use me even in what seems to me to be a limited potential position. My perspective is of course colored by my faith but I don't see my significance in the world as depending on "excelling" in a particular field.

[Liz CA]

Most days I think I am doing pretty well just to get up. Today was a bit of a blah day because we did the summer newsletter (at work) and at this time of year all the graduations, weddings and other noteworthy events get mentioned. So I had to field through a few e-mails where "everyone's child had graduated at the top of the class and has been accepted at...(fill in any ivy-league university you like) and those who were getting married were flying to a Caribbean island to spend the entire summer there while writing their research paper. Well, I was kidding on the research paper part. :tongue_smilie:

I think I have to go find some chocolate now.

[Jean in Newcastle]

:grouphug:

[Skadi]

College has been turned into a veritable industrial mill for mediocrity. Neither you nor your children are missing out by not going into thousands of dollars of debt because the educational industrial complex tells you that you need a slip of paper from them to validate yourself. Consider yourself one of the few lucky people who wasn't taken in by a snakeoil scheme. If you doubt it, I can give you the phone numbers of at least ten people who have college degrees and are working at fast food restaurants and retail outlets. ;)

[Peela]

You are only looking at yourself through other people's eyes. Never such a healthy thing. Do you know those people are happy? Will they be happy later, or ever? Do they even know what happiness is?

 

Life is made up of the small things much more than the big things. Its the small things that make us happy- friends, family, being able to appreciate what we have, being able to enjoy a garden or cooking or a smile...living in service to others in some way. Its all those little things that make up every day that make us happy, not being able to rest on the laurels of our past. I am at peace with mediocrity in the eyes of the world.

 

I have a grandmother whose whole life was about achieveing and overcoming her past, and she was always telling me I was wasting my life, my good mind, by not climbing the ladder of success the way she did, in her own field. But her example was not one I would want to emulate at all- she is not a role model I look up to, even though I love her. In many ways I see that she wasted her life because she couldnt let go and just be happy.

 

Same with my dad. He was a workaholic career scientist who neglected his family because he always put himself first. He still can't understand why my brother has 6 kids- can't conceive why anyone would want more than the obligatory 2! But he is an empty shell of a man in some ways...it is only since he was diagnosed with cancer he has decided to make the most of the life he has left, and started valuing what is truly valuable.

 

Living by one's own values is more important than anything...especially more important than living by the world's values.

I think its good to sometimes imagine we only have 1 year left to live- what is really important to us? Most people presume they have forever and the future is never certain.

[Liz CA]

So very true! Thanks for setting me straight again! I needed that. :)

[Liz CA]

Just curious: Do you think you would have pursued more academic degrees if you had not become ill?

[Guest Virginia Dawn]

I agree with this.

 

I also think you are very blessed, as am I. Why spend life striving for something that will give you no pleasure, when you don't have to?

 

I don't know if you are religious, but I lately I realize my life is an opportunity to create a little bit of heaven here on Earth for myself and my family, and sometimes for others. Life is short, some things just aren't as important as they are made out to be. I prefer to focus on the real treasures in life.

[Hedgehogs4]

why not excel at contentment? i am thankful for people who are driven (if it is a healthy kind of drive) but i am more thankful for people who are the kind that make the world go round...kwim?

[Kathleen in VA]

Life is made up of the small things much more than the big things. Its the small things that make us happy- friends, family, being able to appreciate what we have, being able to enjoy a garden or cooking or a smile...living in service to others in some way. Its all those little things that make up every day that make us happy, not being able to rest on the laurels of our past. I am at peace with mediocrity in the eyes of the world.

 

Awesome post, Peela!

 

why not excel at contentment? i am thankful for people who are driven (if it is a healthy kind of drive) but i am more thankful for people who are the kind that make the world go round...kwim?

 

I love this idea. Why not excel at contentment? So few people are content and that really is an extremely important component of happiness.

 

I could have written your post, Liz. I am not a driven person either. I enjoy my teeny garden (two yellow squash, two zucchini, and some marigolds), watching birds and trying new recipes. I got very excited yesterday over the prospect of saving money at the grocery store.:D

 

My two oldest boys are taking classes at community college and delivering appliances for a store a friend owns. Neither is planning on attending an Ivy league school or getting a PhD in anything, but they are dear, dear young men I love to be around. Many times I feel like I let them down as a teacher because lots of young men at my church (homeschooled) are going on to careers in engineering and computers - they are sweet young men as well - but my boys just were never into math and science. I often fall into the trap of comparing our situation with others and it can get discouraging, but I always come around again to seeing that life is more than careers, money and "success" according to the world's definition. I have found that being thankful for all the little things in my life makes a huge difference in my outlook.

[GWOB]

This is a timely thread, as I have been struggling with this issue lately due to an impending birthday (2nd annual 29th).

 

I think as women, 30 has this crazy meaning. You know, if you're not married, you SHOULD be married by 30. You SHOULD have had this great career. You SHOULD have travelled. You SHOULD have done xyz, etc., etc., etc. Well, I got married young. I've been taking care of kids for almost 10 years now. I live on a farm in the Midwest. The only real (paying) job I've had in the last 12 years was a stint in the Navy. I didn't go to an Ivy league school, or even a well-respected school. I got my degree online, which I KNOW sounds horrible to those "driven" people, but I'm totally satisfied with it.

 

Some mentioned "excelling at contentment." Those are powerful words. I remember and old quote I heard somewhere, likely in an old Reader's Digest magazine "People think they have made a success of life, when all they've made is money." I agree 100% I think one is successful if they are where they want to be, doing what they want to do, doing what makes them content. If you want to garden, try new recipies, and take life slowly, then so be it. Is that fufilling for you? If so, then congratulations! You are successful!

 

BTW, it's only mediocre if you don't try your hardest.

[Mommyfaithe]

Do you ever feel like you are treading water while others swim ahead? My ds is attending community college and did not even know until recently what he wanted to major in. Others apply to universities for scholarships and travel around the country in order to decide. We never did.

Some don't rest until they have a PhD in their field. I do not feel compelled to take that road.

Is it just because I am a simpleton who likes to watch my garden grow, leaf through a cookbook looking for new recipes and watch the hummingbird drink? Am I lacking drive? Am I lacking energy? (Never mind. I can answer that one myself.) Are we wasting potential when we don't go all the way? :confused:

 

 

 

good question. I have been torturing myself with this one for about 20 years....Is it ok to just be OK??? Going to rread your replies.

 

~~Faithe

[Jean in Newcastle]

Just curious: Do you think you would have pursued more academic degrees if you had not become ill?

 

I think this question was for me? Actually part of the reason I'm so ill is because I pushed myself so hard at that time. In college, I was taking 17 credits each quarter and working 3 jobs. My last year of college was really tough because I was student teaching with mono. So, if I hadn't been so driven to do it all at once I think I would not have gotten ill. And if I had pursued the same track but at a slower pace, then yes, I think I would have pursued more. But - then if I hadn't been so driven would I have been offered the opportunities I was offered? Who knows. All I know is that what Hedgehog said about "excelling at contentment" really resonates with me!

[Denisemomof4]

Personally, I want to lead a peaceful and quiet life, and excelling and getting ahead and on the fast track do NOT impress me. Of course I'm thankful for doctors and lawyers and such, but I know so many people who can't be happy unless they have the fancy cars and vacations, send their kids to the best schools and/or colleges, etc. I grew up in one of the richest counties in the USA, and I've seen the unhappiness that type of lifestyle can bring. Not for all, of course, but in my experience, those in the middle class living mediocre lives are the happiest.

 

I've been mulling over something similar this week. All the homeschoolers I know who have their kids involved in all these GREAT things, and they strive to have ONE day at home, and often times don't even get that. :001_huh: I'm striving for mediocrity next year, because all the running around this year was awful on me and my youngest. We're happy not having to measure up.

:001_smile:

 

I also speak often to a woman at my daughter's synchronized swim. She's from Russia and her daughter is the best swimmer, excels in school, and this woman has three degrees. Her daughter is entering the 8th grade and is overly involved with everything. This woman's friend's kid was the second smartest in the local high school, and got a FULL 53k scholarship for 4 years at Boston College. Isnt' that great? But my opinion on that is that I HATE how kids have to be overly involved and volunteer, do sports, etc. at age 14 and up so it looks good on their college application. You're only a kid once and they want them to give that up, let alone give up time with family, so you're more marketable. It irks me to no end.

[Liz CA]

 

I also speak often to a woman at my daughter's synchronized swim. She's from Russia and her daughter is the best swimmer, excels in school, and this woman has three degrees. Her daughter is entering the 8th grade and is overly involved with everything. This woman's friend's kid was the second smartest in the local high school, and got a FULL 53k scholarship for 4 years at Boston College. Isnt' that great? But my opinion on that is that I HATE how kids have to be overly involved and volunteer, do sports, etc. at age 14 and up so it looks good on their college application. You're only a kid once and they want them to give that up, let alone give up time with family, so you're more marketable. It irks me to no end.

 

Yes! There are times when I hear other people "preparing" for college that I think we idiots spent those years marveling about an egg we found in the chicken coop or trying to figure out how much a tree grew in one year while we should have racked up hours in organized sports or whatever. (I did mention that I am considering myself a simpleton living a simple life).

We did 4-H for a while and we volunteered but, just like you, I was never one for running from A to B until we fell into our beds exhausted only to get up the next day and do it over again.

It is less the material things that I am wondering about - I could not care less about fancy cars, etc. - it is more the potential of the mind I was considering here - not for the purpose of obtaining wealth (even though it might be nice) but rather to fulfill one's potential.

 

From the Christian POV:

Will God say one day: "You have squandered the talents I gave you" ? OR would he give me the drive (and the money for tuition :glare:) if he wanted me to get the next degree?

[T'smom]

My pastor had an interesting illustration in his sermon today that I think relates to this. He asked the congregation to list people that they thought were super-successful. People gave names like Bill Gates, Donald Trump, etc. Then he asked us to make a list of people that were really good people. The list included people like Mother Theresa. It's noteworthy that the lists don't overlap. And the thought can lead to many questions worth pondering..... which list would I rather be on? What do I believe makes a person successful? Good? (I added the questions, they weren't part of the illustration.)

[mcconnellboys]

A lot of folks get PhD's THEN leaf through cook books and watch their gardens grow (if they're not forced to work to pay off college debt, LOL). I can't tell you how many trained "lawyers" I know who've never practiced or have hardly practiced. I don't think it's wasting potential to take a good, hard look at yourself and the world before deciding how to proceed.....

[Rosie_0801]

good question. I have been torturing myself with this one for about 20 years....Is it ok to just be OK??? Going to read your replies.

 

 

The only thing I think everyone SHOULD be kicking butt at, is being themselves. If yourself is a comfy type of person who likes to feed people and read novels, I'd say you've only fallen into mediocrity if you've given everyone the same casserole three times a week for the past eight months and you've not read anything other than Mills and Boon.

 

Rosie- a mother of two toddlers who naturally feels like mediocrity will never end. ;) I don't like toddlers. I like mine because they are mine, but toddlers don't bring out my best side.

[Mommy22alyns]

Oh, I need to read the reassurances on this thread! :grouphug:

[G5052]

I prefer the cookbooks and gardening.

 

When I was at the "top," I watched most of my coworker's marriages failing and noted how they hardly knew their kids and had no time for those who were "less" than them.

 

There are indeed seasons of life, but I prefer to be nobody like I am now.

[melissel]

I'm :bigear: to sub so I can come back and read this thread (no time right now). But I hear you, and I've been struggling with feeling the same way. The thing is, I have the Type A personality, but I'm not interested in much besides being home with the girls right now, and for some reason, I feel like I SHOULD want more. I know DH thinks I should be doing something more. I'm working at becoming satisfied with parenting and schooling being my passion right now, because it's the only think I can get passionate about at the moment!