Tell me again -why is homeschooling best?

[JenniferB]

Eek gads - I go through this every week, usually not until Thursday or Friday, but today it's happening sooner, on Wednesday. Why am I homeschooling? It's utter chaos in here. Toys, Play-Doh, papers, pencils, blocks of every kind are EVERYWHERE! Kids are running amok, screaming and chasing each other, complaining about their school work, and here I sit frozen, wondering what to do next, and why I'm doing this. Is this really best for the kids? Wouldn't life be more organized and the children prepared better for adulthood by learning to sit among other kids in school, and obeying the teacher, and learning to follow societies rules, etc. etc. ??? Help! :confused: :willy_nilly: :blink: :ack2: :confused1: :bored: and every other crazy emotion on the list.

[Remudamom]

Because you are smarter than the government.

[plain jane]

:lol: As I was reading your post I thought you must have a 2yo and somewhere along the lines of a pre-K to K'er ... lo and behold, you do!

 

No real comments on if homeschooling really is better, but I TOTALLY commiserate! :lol:

 

It's crazy some days. Okay, most days. :tongue_smilie: But we'd sure miss them if they were gone 8+ hours a day, wouldn't we? The way I figure, a little chaos is worth all the love and joy we get in return. :)

[outtamyshell]

You are teaching your children to take responsibility for their lives rather than show up to fulfill someone else's agenda. Your children will be more successful in this world if they learn how to set their own agenda and work through whatever obstacles come up to get it accomplished than they will by learning how to sit quietyly and follow rules.

[Jean in Newcastle]

:grouphug: It will get better really. (When my health is better, we should get together)

[Snickerdoodle]

I think we are having the same kind of day today. My son has spent the last hour doing ONE math problem. Why? He has to draw a perfect scaled model of the problem and he wants complete silence to do it. Of course, his brother won't stop being noisy, the fire alarm just went off as I cook dinner....

 

I just want to open the bottle of wine now....

[StartingOver]

Sometimes it is easy, sometimes it is beyond hard. I have finished one go around, and just starting another. I can only say what I believe.

 

It is worth it in the end. There are many days of wondering and worrying. Take a break when needed !!!!!! When mine were getting into a bad cycle, I would explain that we are taking X amount of days off. Then we will be back to work with better attitudes. Run, play, do some field trips, count flowers, anything but do it out of the house !!!

 

It is harder with a 2 year old in the house, but that 2 year old will soon be 5 or 12, and before you know it 18 and most likely gone.

 

Break when you need to, enjoy the good days, and take deep breaths on the rough ones.

 

I also remind my self that I could have my days free.... well except for dealing with bullies, teachers, field trips, hours of homework, screaming crying tired kids at the end of the day, suspensions, lousy teachers, rules, uniforms, etc, etc, etc.

 

Homeschooling is on my dime, my way, in my time..... thank goodness.

[Dawn in OH]

Because we don't HAVE to get up early! :)

 

We have our good days and our bad days. I often wonder the same thing myself.

[WTMindy]

Do you want my real answer or do you just want some support that we all go through craziness?

 

My real answer is that I don't always think homeschooling is the best. I work in a co-op where there are quite a few families where I think the kids would be better off (educationally speaking) in an environment with more structure provided for the children. Now, I know I'm going to get blasted for "judging" other families, and that my way isn't the only way. And, I do appreciate other philosophies of homeschooling other than my own. I just see so many homeschooled kids that are woefully underprepared for college or even holding down a job that I have become a bit jaded.

 

Now, if you just want some support (and we ALL need that most weeks!!) I'll just say that "Yes, you can do it! The craziness is all part of it, and the goal is to learn to teach and learn within the craziness!! :-) Here's hoping that Thursday is calmer than Wednesday.

[Rosy]

It gets better. My youngest is 5 and my crazy boy is 8 and it's not *easy*, but it's getting easier. Once the middle two are reading, it'll get WAY easier for you.

 

Remind yourself of why you're doing this in the first place...and keep your expectations realistic. You'll have a chance to catch up when they're all a little older.

[m4given]

Because we don't HAVE to get up early! :)

 

We have our good days and our bad days. I often wonder the same thing myself.

:iagree:

 

But here we try to get to bed earlier so as to get up earlier.

 

You sound like you could use lots of TLC & a wonderful break!

 

I wonder --- is it all the kids or are there primarily one or two who are the ones to stir it up??? I agree with the others -- I think that a 2 yr old in the midst usually adds a lot of craziness to the household.:smash::001_tt2:

 

Is there a way to make so your plate is not so full? or for others to have more responsibility?

 

Just some thoughts. I'm sorry you're having a rough time of it.

[abbeyej]

I'm going to agree with Mindy here...

 

There are lots of *great* reasons to homeschool. ... But sometimes there are reasons to send 'em to school too.

 

And it's hard to know from a post on a message board whether what you're experience is the occasional chaos that just happens from having young kids around, and the occasional feelings of being overwhelmed that we all have some times, and a little bit of spring fever thrown in... Or if things really are out of control, the kids aren't being disciplined, and your mental health suffering. ... That's something you're going to have to figure out (perhaps with the help of your husband and/or a trusted, local friend who sees your daily life and can tell you honestly whether what you need is encouragement to stay home or encouragement to make a change)...

 

In the mean time...

 

Get through today. Get the kids in bed. Then sit down with a nice cuppa something soothing (whatever that is for you) and make a couple of lists. Start with why *you* chose to home school. Your list would likely have some overlap with anyone else's here, but probably not match 100%. Ask yourself, "Do these reasons still apply? Am I meeting (or at least approaching) the goals I set out for myself?" ... Then make a list of Small Changes that might make life easier and simpler for you on a daily basis. For instance, do you need a day (or two) this weekend to box up some things and simplify others so there's less available for the 2yo to destroy? Do you need more streamlined meal plans so that you aren't spending time and energy each day thinking about how to feed your family? Are there chores the olders can do? Do you have a *posted* daily routine / schedule in your house so that *all* of the kids know what is expect when each day? Are there areas where you can step up the consistency and follow-through regarding discipline? That's tough at first, but if the kids are really running all over you, it'll just make you more tired and more worn down and less able to discipline, and then they'll get crazier and you'll get more worn down and the cycle just goes on and on...

 

Maybe you need to buckle down and finish this school year so you can get to the summer and start fresh with a new routine.

 

Maybe you need to take a week off and focus on getting the house and discipline issues under control (more structure, more consistency, everyone knowing what to expect next), then start fresh the next week.

 

I don't *know* what will be the answer for you. ...

 

But it does sound like something needs to change, so you're not questioning yourself and feeling completely steamrolled each day. You want to be a peaceful Mom. You want your kids to be learning... And it sounds like, without *some* sort of change, that's not going to happen.

 

Now, to help you get started with *your* "why do I home school" list, here are some of my reasons:

-Family closeness (parents with kids, kids with each other)

-Academics

-Individualized education

-Free time to explore

-Flexibility to travel

-Modeling our values

...

 

I hope tomorrow is a better, brighter, more peaceful day for you. And that next week is a turning point for all of you. :)

[Mrs Mungo]

Do you want my real answer or do you just want some support that we all go through craziness?

 

My real answer is that I don't always think homeschooling is the best. I work in a co-op where there are quite a few families where I think the kids would be better off (educationally speaking) in an environment with more structure provided for the children. Now, I know I'm going to get blasted for "judging" other families, and that my way isn't the only way. And, I do appreciate other philosophies of homeschooling other than my own. I just see so many homeschooled kids that are woefully underprepared for college or even holding down a job that I have become a bit jaded.

 

I won't blast you, I agree. I've seen many homeschooled kids who really weren't doing anything and weren't even being encouraged to do anything. I knew a couple of sisters who were 8 and 9 and couldn't write their names.

 

Now, if you just want some support (and we ALL need that most weeks!!) I'll just say that "Yes, you can do it! The craziness is all part of it, and the goal is to learn to teach and learn within the craziness!! :-) Here's hoping that Thursday is calmer than Wednesday.

 

:iagree:

[AuntPol]

I'm going to agree with Mindy here...

 

There are lots of *great* reasons to homeschool. ... But sometimes there are reasons to send 'em to school too.

 

And it's hard to know from a post on a message board whether what you're experience is the occasional chaos that just happens from having young kids around, and the occasional feelings of being overwhelmed that we all have some times, and a little bit of spring fever thrown in... Or if things really are out of control, the kids aren't being disciplined, and your mental health suffering. ... That's something you're going to have to figure out (perhaps with the help of your husband and/or a trusted, local friend who sees your daily life and can tell you honestly whether what you need is encouragement to stay home or encouragement to make a change)...

 

In the mean time...

 

Get through today. Get the kids in bed. Then sit down with a nice cuppa something soothing (whatever that is for you) and make a couple of lists. Start with why *you* chose to home school. Your list would likely have some overlap with anyone else's here, but probably not match 100%. Ask yourself, "Do these reasons still apply? Am I meeting (or at least approaching) the goals I set out for myself?" ... Then make a list of Small Changes that might make life easier and simpler for you on a daily basis. For instance, do you need a day (or two) this weekend to box up some things and simplify others so there's less available for the 2yo to destroy? Do you need more streamlined meal plans so that you aren't spending time and energy each day thinking about how to feed your family? Are there chores the olders can do? Do you have a *posted* daily routine / schedule in your house so that *all* of the kids know what is expect when each day? Are there areas where you can step up the consistency and follow-through regarding discipline? That's tough at first, but if the kids are really running all over you, it'll just make you more tired and more worn down and less able to discipline, and then they'll get crazier and you'll get more worn down and the cycle just goes on and on...

 

Maybe you need to buckle down and finish this school year so you can get to the summer and start fresh with a new routine.

 

Maybe you need to take a week off and focus on getting the house and discipline issues under control (more structure, more consistency, everyone knowing what to expect next), then start fresh the next week.

 

I don't *know* what will be the answer for you. ...

 

But it does sound like something needs to change, so you're not questioning yourself and feeling completely steamrolled each day. You want to be a peaceful Mom. You want your kids to be learning... And it sounds like, without *some* sort of change, that's not going to happen.

 

Now, to help you get started with *your* "why do I home school" list, here are some of my reasons:

-Family closeness (parents with kids, kids with each other)

-Academics

-Individualized education

-Free time to explore

-Flexibility to travel

-Modeling our values

...

 

I hope tomorrow is a better, brighter, more peaceful day for you. And that next week is a turning point for all of you. :)

:iagree:

 

My first thought was "is the occasional bad day/week??" or is this a regular pattern because of discipline issues. I know that here when we start having frequent bad days, it is usually because I have slacked off in consistency.

[JenniferB]

Because you are smarter than the government.

 

Ahhhh, this IS a good reason!

 

:grouphug: It will get better really. (When my health is better, we should get together)

 

Jean, a nice sunny spot to visit souns nice. I hope you feel better soon.

 

Do you want my real answer or do you just want some support that we all go through craziness?

 

My real answer is that I don't always think homeschooling is the best. I work in a co-op where there are quite a few families where I think the kids would be better off (educationally speaking) in an environment with more structure provided for the children.

 

Mindy, yes, I want real, truthful answers. You hit the nail on the head. For some families homeschooling seems worse than public school. And how do we know what kind of family we are? I might find out that I'm one of "those" families, and one day it will be too late.

 

I feel like our family decision to homeschool was heavily influenced by members of our church, who were heavily influenced by Bill Gothard, Vision Forum, and other groups and teachers in the same sphere of influence. My husband and I never listened to Bill Gothard, but I listened to and was heavily influenced by Vision Forum and Voddie Bauchman and others who are all very 100% homeschooling. I've been slowly distancing myself from the Vision Forum and like-minded influences, and today I disagree with much of what they are teaching. I still want to believe in homeschooling, but every week seems harder and harder. I want to believe in homeschooling for my own reasons, and not for the reasons that I originally came into homeschooling, which was mostly fear of outside influences corrupting the children. I know that those corrupting forces are real, but they are no longer enough of a reason for me to homeschool. I need more reasons: real, concrete, intellectual, and other than fear based reasons.

 

Can I get some book suggestions from authors that are not of the Vision Forum persuasion? I am a Christian, and a conservative Christian at that. I'm just not keen on the VF perspective anymore.

Edited May 5, 2010 by JenniferB

[JenniferB]

Then sit down with a nice cuppa something soothing (whatever that is for you) and make a couple of lists. Start with why *you* chose to home school.

 

I think I was writing my response to Mindy when you were writing your reply to my post, and there was overlap. I do certainly need a list of WHY I want to homeschool. I need some new resources to help me with my list. I can't think of too many reasons why I'm doing this anymore. I've had a few adjustments in life philosophy, in the way I live out Christianity, and the way I behave toward the children. Now, I'm at a loss for why I'm homeschooling.

 

The cup of something sounds good. I think I'll do that tonight while the kids are at AWANA instead of going to the gym. :thumbup1:

[Jenny in GA]

Mindy, yes, I want real, truthful answers. You hit the nail on the head. For some families homeschooling seems worse than public school. And how do we know what kind of family we are? I might find out that I'm one of "those" families, and one day it will be too late.

 

 

Yes, yes! I wonder this same sort of thing too. And I KNOW my husband wonders it lots!

 

I think that after many years of hearing how superior homeschooling is, how homeschooled kids always score high on standardized tests, how anyone can do it, etc, I am often stunned when I hear of a homeschooled kid doing poorly academically. That's not "supposed" to happen!

 

I do know that, over the years, I have heard more than a couple school teachers say that whenever a former homeschooler is enrolled in their class, that child is lagging far behind academically.

 

Over a decade ago, a teacher friend of mine said he was really surprised when he read that homeschooled students score well, because every homeschooled kid who entered his classroom was markedly "behind."

 

I remember speaking to another teacher who told me about a girl who came into her sixth grade class. (This was a long long time ago, before I had ever met a homechooled child.)

 

The parent had said something when they enrolled the child like "Math is not her strongest subject," so the teacher asked her some questions to get her a feel of what level she was on. The girl was asked, "What is two times three?" and the girl stared and said, "I don't understand what you're asking. What does 'times' mean?" When she was given a more formal test, she scored several years behind in several areas. It was sad and frustrating to the teacher, because here she was in a sixth classroom, but functioning at about a second or third grade knowledge base.

 

Even my daughter has commented that "she can spot a homeschool kid" but how messy their writing is, which is rather interesting.

 

Anyway, I'm not really drawing any conclusions here, just throwing out a few thoughts. I'm curious, too: how would you define or describe a family in which "homeschooling is worse"?

 

Jenny

[Jean in Newcastle]

Jennifer, I don't know if this will help you, but this is why I homeschool and why I think it is best for my family.

 

1. I want to be my child's teacher, to see them understand concepts, to see that "lightbulb go off".

 

2. I want to be able to work with my children on character issues. This is my number one reason as time has gone by. Of course any parent can work on character issues, but I've found that it is important for me to know that there won't be another teacher with different standards for a big chunk of the day. The "lesson" of character issues is more important to me than the lessons of math etc. and I will put aside the 3 R's for awhile to work on character issues as needed. I've also found that because we've taken care of character issues, that it is much easier to just sit down and teach my children without it being a struggle.

 

3. As a corollary to number 2, I want to be the one to socialize my child. By that I mean to teach them to be a good friend, neighbor, worker, church member etc. I want those lessons to come primarily from adult to child, rather than from child to child.

 

3. The teacher:student ratio is great. It is difficult however, when there are toddlers and kindergarteners as part of that ratio. (But they do grow up.)

 

4. I don't want my children to fall through the cracks. I want to be able to teach my kids to their strengths and to bolster their weaknesses. I'm not perfect at this, and they do fall through the cracks sometimes due to "life" but I am able to respond when that happens and fix it.

[Jami]

Jennifer, I think it's awesome that you've realized your initial motivation to homeschool was fear-based and that you have no reason to live in fear. I'm trying to think of books that might encourage you to homeschool for positive reasons! Or, if need be, to consider other educational possibilities that would be better for your family. And it is hard to know what other schooling options might look like for your family, I've wondered that myself, since this is the only life I've known with my kids.

 

I think Susan Schaeffer Macauley's book "For the Children's Sake" is the best general book on how to think about education as a part of parenting. And the author encourages people to choose all sorts of educational paths, as long as your children are going to be educated in a way that respects their personhood fully. I, personally, have a harder time seeing that most of the public schools I have seen in operation can truly honor my child as a person--mind, body, and soul. And financially, private schools haven't been a possibility. But that doesn't mean such a school doesn't exist. So you might read "For the Children's Sake."

 

If you want encouragement as a homeschool mother, Sally Clarkson's books are soothing. She has several.

 

If I consider the reasons we homeschool--academic, family relationships, spiritual formation, financial, I can more clearly list the positive reasons to keep doing this. But I have to also keep in mind that there's a cost for every choice made. Sure, the house would be tidier if they kids were gone most of the day (though if I were working full-time to help support the home, I'd have less time and energy for household chores too). And there might even be fewer total sibling arguments for me to deal with (unless afterschool hours and weekends made up for the school hour separations). But there would also be less freedom for our family to grow in its own direction, less time to build deep relationships, the baby would grow up in a much more lonely home than the big three have had available to them, and to mention a recent thread, I would lose the chance to do something *I* really love and am a bit selfish to hold onto. I enjoy the researching and planning and teaching! I feel like some of my gifts and skills are ideal for homeschooling as opposed to some other career.

 

Good luck as you continue to work through your reasons. I think having positive motivators are more likely to keep you going during the tough days than the fear-based ones. Or, you'll feel the freedom to consider another educational path for your family and that will be completely okay!

 

Jami

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ahhhh, this IS a good reason!

 

 

 

Jean, a nice sunny spot to visit souns nice. I hope you feel better soon.

 

 

 

Mindy, yes, I want real, truthful answers. You hit the nail on the head. For some families homeschooling seems worse than public school. And how do we know what kind of family we are? I might find out that I'm one of "those" families, and one day it will be too late.

 

I feel like our family decision to homeschool was heavily influenced by members of our church, who were heavily influenced by Bill Gothard, Vision Forum, and other groups and teachers in the same sphere of influence. My husband and I never listened to Bill Gothard, but I listened to and was heavily influenced by Vision Forum and Voddie Bauchman and others who are all very 100% homeschooling. I've been slowly distancing myself from the Vision Forum and like-minded influences, and today I disagree with much of what they are teaching. I still want to believe in homeschooling, but every week seems harder and harder. I want to believe in homeschooling for my own reasons, and not for the reasons that I originally came into homeschooling, which was mostly fear of outside influences corrupting the children. I know that those corrupting forces are real, but they are no longer enough of a reason for me to homeschool. I need more reasons: real, concrete, intellectual, and other than fear based reasons.

 

Can I get some book suggestions from authors that are not of the Vision Forum persuasion? I am a Christian, and a conservative Christian at that. I'm just not keen on the VF perspective anymore.

[Eleni]

I think each family has to decide why it is the best choice for them at any given time. Family needs change often. I, too am seeing things the longer we homeschool that cause me realize where the stereotypes come from.

 

My kids will be going to school this fall even though it breaks my heart. My dh wants to give it a try and give me a break from being the main educator to focus on my own education (I'm back in college). I'm really scared but excited for them at the same time. The kids seem to be sharing these feelings as well. I've come to realize there is no perfect choice and after going through the year from hell watching my mother die from leukemia, I need a break. I'm too stressed and have chest pains daily. I'm not necessarily happy with this choice but homeschooling ag this point in time is not the best choice for our family.

 

As for you having a paradigm shift- I suggest for the childrens sake, gattos books and one by Sally clarkson that escapes memory. There Are many great reasons to homeschool

 

* please excuse typos- typing from my iPhone

[WTMindy]

Jennifer, I really appreciate your humble attitude and your serious examination of whether this is best for your family. Just that fact alone indicates to me that you are on the right track. I applaud your ability to think through things for yourself and really discern what is best, not just following the crowd. Way to go!!! I would spend a lot of time praying and talking to my husband the rest of the year to determine the path that would be the best for the family. I'm saying a prayer for you right now for clarity and peace in this crazy journey.

[Mrs Mungo]

I feel like our family decision to homeschool was heavily influenced by members of our church, who were heavily influenced by Bill Gothard, Vision Forum, and other groups and teachers in the same sphere of influence. My husband and I never listened to Bill Gothard, but I listened to and was heavily influenced by Vision Forum and Voddie Bauchman and others who are all very 100% homeschooling. I've been slowly distancing myself from the Vision Forum and like-minded influences, and today I disagree with much of what they are teaching. I still want to believe in homeschooling, but every week seems harder and harder. I want to believe in homeschooling for my own reasons, and not for the reasons that I originally came into homeschooling, which was mostly fear of outside influences corrupting the children. I know that those corrupting forces are real, but they are no longer enough of a reason for me to homeschool. I need more reasons: real, concrete, intellectual, and other than fear based reasons.

 

Can I get some book suggestions from authors that are not of the Vision Forum persuasion? I am a Christian, and a conservative Christian at that. I'm just not keen on the VF perspective anymore.

 

Ahh...I see. Well, I am a Christian but I didn't start homeschooling for religious reasons, I started homeschooling for academic reasons. I read John Taylor Gatto, John Holt, Maria Montessori, TWTM and other influences long before I was exposed to things like VF.

[JenniferB]

Ahh...I see. Well, I am a Christian but I didn't start homeschooling for religious reasons, I started homeschooling for academic reasons. I read John Taylor Gatto, John Holt, Maria Montessori, TWTM and other influences long before I was exposed to things like VF.

 

OK, I'm looking up Joh Tayor Gatto and John Holt on Amaon right now. I've read several MM books, so I won't go there again. Any other suggestions? Anyone.....

[Mrs Mungo]

John Taylor Gatto and John Holt are both proponents of unschooling. I don't agree with them about everything, but I think their arguments give me good reasons not to send my kids to school.

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

Take my reply with a grain of salt, since I also wonder that on occasion. My 3 young boys are a crazy handful most days, and being pregnant on top of that makes me want to lock myself in the bathroom with a whole carton of Ben & Jerry's. :)

 

But.... I hashed out our reasons for homeschooling (our faith permeates our lives and lessons, but isn't one of our reasons in and of itself) on my blog. You can click here if you'd like to read my perspective on the positives of homeschooling.

 

(I agree with the other posters who said that homeschooling isn't the *best* choice for *every* family.)

[bookfiend]

 

Can I get some book suggestions from authors that are not of the Vision Forum persuasion? I am a Christian, and a conservative Christian at that. I'm just not keen on the VF perspective anymore.

 

Anything by Sally Clarkson; Educating the WholeHearted Child, Seasons of a Mother's Heart, are both targeted to homeschooling. Her other books are about motherhood. She writes from a grace-based, biblically sound (fundamental) viewpoint.

[JenniferB]

I'm now on a quest to find out what books they are using in the local b&m 6th grade - that's the grade my oldest will be in next year. If the books they use are low quality, that's enough of a reason for me to continue on, until I get some more reasons under my belt. Wish me luck! And if you have any more book suggestions that are not sensationalist, over the top, fear mongering, overly religious (I don't need religious reasons), etc. etc. about the benifits of homeschooling vs. public schooling, please send them my way. Thanks for all the encouraging words, and straight up talk, ladies.

[Jan in SC]

Well, I'm stating the obvious, but have you read TWTM?

[at the beach]

Okay, I'll bite.

 

For the Children's Sake is a stellar book to read. I love Gatto, too, but I'm not really what you'd call an unschooler. The Successful Homeschool Family Handbook by the Moores is fantastic for reducing your stress as to whether you are doing enough or, frankly, too much. The Millmans wrote a fabulous book on homeschooling called Homeschooling, which is fantastic.

 

I recently read an article about the top ten private prep schools in the country. I checked out those schools' websites. Do you know that many of them have a teacher-student ratio of 5:1 or 6:1? Did you know that many of them stress how they focus on children learning and growing at their own pace in the early years? That seems like the total opposite of what is expected in public school from my experience and most of the local private schools I'm familiar with. These schools charge upwards of $35,000 a year and that looks like it's for tuition only, not room and board.

 

You have three very young kids still and, even at 11, your oldest is still fairly young IMO. You are doing K12, which if you are using a public school academy, you are already in public school, and you are probably required to be fairly scheduled with that. Is it possible that maybe you're too scheduled and too tied in by K12? Yes, I know, I hear it, too, that some homeschoolers are doing nothing with their kids, and you're probably worried about making sure to do enough. That's why I suggested the books I did. I think those books will give you some peace of mind and maybe the courage to branch out some from where you are if that's what you think might make homeschooling work better.

 

There are countless kids in school getting a big fat nothing out of their experience there. Many can't read, write, spell, or do basic math. It's not that those things happen only in homeschoolers. Some public schools have graduation rates of under 30%.

 

There are worse things in life as far as I'm concerned than lack of academics in a homeschool. I'd rather my kids sit outside with a book of their choice or run in the grass and look at the blue sky while swinging than sit in a cell with a 30:1 student-teacher ratio and be force-fed worksheets by the truckload and bored out of their minds or have their spirits broken by not being able to handle what's expected--just my probably not so humble opinion.

 

We have such a wonderful opportunity with homeschooling, to share our children's formative years with them. Why should I let my girls have teachers I barely know being a formative influence over them? No thanks. I can spend hours upon hours with my children and this time shall pass and not return. I can read with them, talk to them, take them to the movies in the middle of the day, or sledding in the morning when no one is on the hill, or to the park or beach at all the hours when most everyone else is captive to a desk and chair in school. We can bake cookies at noon if we like. I can also sign them up for activities that get them out of the house and allow them to spend time with other kids. And yes, at times, it is uter chaos in the house. There are books everywhere, papers on the table, and the dust bunnies are out in full force, but such is life and when we have a hard day, I just try to get out and go to a park or for an ice-cream. Or I get out a laundry basket and we all just start plopping all the stuff that's strewn about into the basket so things at least seem calmer for the moment.

 

I remember being a child in elementary school, a child of immigrant parents, a child who didn't quite fit in because, well, we were different. I remember sometimes just feeling so alone. There was no one there looking out for me. No one who really cared that I was lonely or picked on or whatever. I couldn't wait to get home every day.

 

I can't imagine putting my kids back into a public school. Not after experiencing the freedom that homeschooling has afforded us. I am so thankful to have the right to homeschool them. I had no idea what we were missing out on before we started on this journey, and we are finishing our fourth year this year.

 

Now, all that said, I'm not saying every child in the world would be better off homeschooling. But I think many kids would be better off and don't ever have that chance.

[JenniferB]

Well, I'm stating the obvious, but have you read TWTM?

 

Yes. :lol:

[lakotajm]

You are teaching your children to take responsibility for their lives rather than show up to fulfill someone else's agenda. Your children will be more successful in this world if they learn how to set their own agenda and work through whatever obstacles come up to get it accomplished than they will by learning how to sit quietyly and follow rules.

 

I ponder if I really am teaching them this if I take a more relaxed non-madatory (unschooling) approach? I have been thinking of switching to this style. I have not forced it for two days now (and occasionally have days like you'all describe, that I call "blow off days") and am about to panic already, as very little at all was done today on school. One kid did math and reading. That was it. And what about my schedule or the curriculum's schedule (we're already 12 weeks behind) and the video on Africa I checked out from the library? What about the materials I paid good money for that will be wasted?

 

And will they really overcome obstacles if they are allowed to sit on their rears or play all day? Just a curious would-be unschooler who is looking for IRL guidance.

 

Yeah-they won't be blind folllowers, but will they be self-disciplined at all or be happy-go-lucky freeloaders? If no one has made them do anything they don't wanna do for years, why would they suddenly start when they turn 18 or 20? Just curious.

 

Lakota

[ciyates]

If you don't homeschool who will fetch the bon bons??? JK I usually tell DS that he is homeschooled and if I bury him in the backyard no one will miss him

[Night Elf]

Life is short. Our children's childhoods are even shorter.

 

Kids running amok are still in your home under your supervision.

 

Being in ps does not always make for a calm lifestyle. There is wake up time, get to school on time, pick up time, homework time, dinner time, where is that homework again? time, bath time, bedtime, wake up time, where is that homework again? time, and occasionally a "You have WHAT due WHEN?", and on and on. Times however many children you would have in school.

 

You cannot control what the ps teaches or how much time it spends on that topic. Interesting topics and true learning moments could be shoved aside to get to the next thing in the book.

 

Judgement and diagnoses from people who see umpteen children a day and might be in too much of a hurry to really spend with your child trying to help where help might be needed.

 

Your dd could be left in the library all day and miss lunch. (Ask me why I listed this one!)

 

Your children are beautiful. Wouldn't you miss their presence for so many hours a day? :)

[Night Elf]

I ponder if I really am teaching them this if I take a more relaxed non-madatory (unschooling) approach? I have been thinking of switching to this style. I have not forced it for two days now (and occasionally have days like you'all describe, that I call "blow off days") and am about to panic already, as very little at all was done today on school. One kid did math and reading. That was it. And what about my schedule or the curriculum's schedule (we're already 12 weeks behind) and the video on Africa I checked out from the library? What about the materials I paid good money for that will be wasted?

 

I'm saying this nicely and not snarky, I promise. If you have these concerns, you aren't ready for unschooling. Maybe you should re-examine why you want to take that approach and make yourself answer the hard questions, such as the ones you listed above? I absolutely believe in and love unschooling, but my DH decided it was best to go back to a schoolish lifestyle. I'm happy that I love schoolish things too, but it sure does hurt my heart to force my children to do something they hate doing and then see they have no retention just a day or so later. But anyway, I'd be happy to discuss unschooling with you in PM or email. There are some people here who are supportive, but there are many who don't like unschooling. You won't necessarily find the answers to these questions on this forum.

[Dandelion]

Why am I homeschooling? It's utter chaos in here....Wouldn't life be more organized and the children prepared better for adulthood by learning to sit among other kids in school, and obeying the teacher, and learning to follow societies rules, etc. etc. ??? Help! :confused: :willy_nilly: :blink: :ack2: :confused1: :bored: and every other crazy emotion on the list.

 

I have many, many days where I feel like this... And I only have two kids!! To answer your specific "musings" - your house would probably be more organized, but no, I don't think your kids would be better prepared for adulthood, etc.

 

Although I totally understand your train of thought (because these things cross my mind from time to time too), I just keep reminding myself of all the ways homeschooling will benefit my kids. The things that are emphasized in school (as you mentioned, learning to sit still, obeying the teacher, falling in line with the rules, etc.) are important things to learn - but they're not THE most important and certainly not as all-important as schools would make them out to be. Your kids will likely pick up the necessary skills and be able to function in settings that require them, even if they've never been in school - and not only that, but they'll learn so much more that can never be taught in school (both from an academic and overall "life skills" perspective).

 

I ponder if I really am teaching them this if I take a more relaxed non-madatory (unschooling) approach? And will they really overcome obstacles if they are allowed to sit on their rears or play all day? Just a curious would-be unschooler who is looking for IRL guidance.

 

Yeah-they won't be blind folllowers, but will they be self-disciplined at all or be happy-go-lucky freeloaders? If no one has made them do anything they don't wanna do for years, why would they suddenly start when they turn 18 or 20? Just curious.

 

I've wondered about this too. We have several friends who unschool (some of them are radical unschoolers) - but their kids are all younger, so I don't know any teens/adults who were unschooled that I can talk to about this or simply observe how things have worked out for them.

 

The whole "self-discipline" piece actually concerns me more than academics when it comes to unschooling. Academics come easily to DS and he's either on track or ahead of grade level in all subjects (and I'm sure we would figure out a way to maintain that even with a more "unschooly" approach). But I wonder about how self-discipline is imparted and whether it's possible for a child to develop self-discipline in a completely unstructured environment. Don't have the answer - just wondering along with you... ;)

[lakotajm]

I do know that, over the years, I have heard more than a couple school teachers say that whenever a former homeschooler is enrolled in their class, that child is lagging far behind academically.

 

Over a decade ago, a teacher friend of mine said he was really surprised when he read that homeschooled students score well, because every homeschooled kid who entered his classroom was markedly "behind."

 

I remember speaking to another teacher who told me about a girl who came into her sixth grade class. (This was a long long time ago, before I had ever met a homechooled child.)

 

The parent had said something when they enrolled the child like "Math is not her strongest subject," so the teacher asked her some questions to get her a feel of what level she was on. The girl was asked, "What is two times three?" and the girl stared and said, "I don't understand what you're asking. What does 'times' mean?" When she was given a more formal test, she scored several years behind in several areas. It was sad and frustrating to the teacher, because here she was in a sixth classroom, but functioning at about a second or third grade knowledge base.

 

Even my daughter has commented that "she can spot a homeschool kid" but how messy their writing is, which is rather interesting.

 

 

 

Is it possible that unschooling is more common in your area than traditional/Christian styles/reasons for homeschooling? Urban areas have more of the former. Bible belt has more of the later. Has any group studied the academic success of the separate factions?

Could anyone else comment on that?

 

Lakota

[Jenny in GA]

I ponder if I really am teaching them this if I take a more relaxed non-madatory (unschooling) approach? I have been thinking of switching to this style. I have not forced it for two days now (and occasionally have days like you'all describe, that I call "blow off days") and am about to panic already, as very little at all was done today on school. One kid did math and reading. That was it. And what about my schedule or the curriculum's schedule (we're already 12 weeks behind) and the video on Africa I checked out from the library? What about the materials I paid good money for that will be wasted?

 

And will they really overcome obstacles if they are allowed to sit on their rears or play all day? Just a curious would-be unschooler who is looking for IRL guidance.

 

Yeah-they won't be blind folllowers, but will they be self-disciplined at all or be happy-go-lucky freeloaders? If no one has made them do anything they don't wanna do for years, why would they suddenly start when they turn 18 or 20? Just curious.

 

Lakota

 

Like I've said here before, we're former unschoolers, and I've spent a LOT of time on unschooling boards and listening to unschooling conferences.

 

Personally, I don't understand how that is possible either, which is a small part of the reason we no longer unschool.

 

But, I will say that many of the unschoolers with kids 17 years old and up -- people who swear proudly they never required their kid to clean their room, do chores of any kind, turn off the TV, etc -- insist that their children are now very responsible, very helpful people.

 

They say the reason for this is that:

 

a) The parents were good role models -- they cheerfully did chores, etc, so the kids saw chores as being a pleasant, useful activity, and not something to complain about or make another person do;

 

b) Since the kids weren't "made" to do things, they didn't feel the need to avoid them or dislike them.

 

That topic comes up all the time on unschooling forums and yahoo lists, so you probably should find one or more of those and see what they have to say.

 

Jenny

[Mrs Mungo]

Yes, yes! I wonder this same sort of thing too. And I KNOW my husband wonders it lots!

 

I think that after many years of hearing how superior homeschooling is, how homeschooled kids always score high on standardized tests, how anyone can do it, etc, I am often stunned when I hear of a homeschooled kid doing poorly academically. That's not "supposed" to happen!

 

I do know that, over the years, I have heard more than a couple school teachers say that whenever a former homeschooler is enrolled in their class, that child is lagging far behind academically.

 

Over a decade ago, a teacher friend of mine said he was really surprised when he read that homeschooled students score well, because every homeschooled kid who entered his classroom was markedly "behind."

 

I remember speaking to another teacher who told me about a girl who came into her sixth grade class. (This was a long long time ago, before I had ever met a homechooled child.)

 

The parent had said something when they enrolled the child like "Math is not her strongest subject," so the teacher asked her some questions to get her a feel of what level she was on. The girl was asked, "What is two times three?" and the girl stared and said, "I don't understand what you're asking. What does 'times' mean?" When she was given a more formal test, she scored several years behind in several areas. It was sad and frustrating to the teacher, because here she was in a sixth classroom, but functioning at about a second or third grade knowledge base.

 

I think it's probably likely that unsuccessful homeschoolers put their kids in school much more often than homeschoolers for whom things are working.

 

Even my daughter has commented that "she can spot a homeschool kid" but how messy their writing is, which is rather interesting.

 

That is interesting. I've had more than one fellow-homeschooling-mom-teaching-a-class comment on how legible my eldest dd's writing is. But, I still require daily handwriting and copywork practice out of her.

 

Anyway, I'm not really drawing any conclusions here, just throwing out a few thoughts. I'm curious, too: how would you define or describe a family in which "homeschooling is worse"?

 

Jenny

 

In families where the parents work and leave the kid at home all day, alone to work on a computer-based "homeschool" program (we have 2 families like this in our neighborhood).

 

In families where the older children are being kept home to raise younger children and none of them have a curriculum, none of them are really taught anything *or* encouraged to learn anything. Again, I have known families like this. I'm not talking about unschoolers, I have unschooler friends who do a *great* job encouraging learning without requiring the sort of "seat work" that I require.

[JenniferB]

Well, I found some answers that are helping me with my reasons to continue homeschooling. I did a little research on the curriculum that the local b&m uses, and most of it is not what I would use, or even close to what I would use. Here's my analysis/comparison. I'm writing this out for my own sake mostly. If anyone is interested in reading it, I'll be astonished. This is my #1 reason right now for continuing to homeschool (virtual school) with the K12 curriculum. I will purpose to keep this forefront in my mind until I have some other reasons to put under my belt.

 

Local B&M Curriculum Comparison to K12 (what we are currently using)

 

Math - Everyday Mathematics - I would not use this because traditional algorithms are mixed in with alternative algorithms. I prefer to drill traditional algorithms to mastery.

 

Reading - Complete K-6 Bookroom Collection and Making Meaning - I don't recognize any of these reading materials. I prefer to use real literature and abridged classics for younger readers, which is what K12 uses.

 

Writing - Units of Study for Teaching Writing Grades 3-5 and Write Source and Rebecca Sitton’s Sourcebook for Teaching Spelling and Word Skills Level 5 - The writing topics seemed very silly. Other than that, no comment. The K12 writing, spelling, and vocabulary we are using is very good.

 

Science - no serious objections to what they use. I'm happy with K12 science - so that's a wash.

 

History - 5th grade uses A History of US - This is what we are using this year (5th grade), but we are covering books 1-6, the b&m covers books 1-3 on audio. My daughter is reading the text in our curriculum. I also noticed that the b&m covers Storypath: neighborhoods, main street, and the parade for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd grade. Gag me! K12 uses something similar to The Story of the World, covering Ancients to Modern Times in the first 4 years - much better!

 

Art - it's a wash - I like K12's art, and the b&m art seems good too.

 

Music - my oldest is already in the b&m music, so that's a wash too.

 

Going to bed now, feeling much more confident and optomistic for tomorrow.

Edited May 6, 2010 by JenniferB

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm glad that you're working things out for yourself.

[jld]

Violet, what a nice post! Thank you!:)

[iquilt]

I agree that the chaos in the house can be completely overwhelming - I love order and organization, but simply by having 4 people home all day most days the house is never picked up. Never, ever is everything organized the way I would do it if they were gone at school. I've come to realize, however, that I can learn to live with some chaos as long as there is some structure, too. We have structure to our routines and we have weekly pick ups of rooms, etc. I have visited the homes of moms with children gone all day and their rooms are immaculate - almost makes we want to cry! But after four years of "official" homeschooling and many years of preschoolers tearing my house apart by the minute, I've adjusted. I also have one room that is "mine" and is organized the way I want it or else, and that is the kitchen. Everyone cooks or assembles lunches or gets his/her own drinks, but they know where everything goes and how to clean it up.

 

Also, this is a time of year where I'm a little more positive to be a homeschooler as we are almost done and ps still has 6 more weeks to go. We spent yesterday at the beach enjoying the beautiful day and came home as the school bus was dropping off in our neighborhood. Ask me in January how much I like homeschooling and I will be more frustrated.

[Orthodox6]

Homeschooling is not always best -- however, it takes an uncommonly self-confident and objective parent to admit this.

 

Ones goals for ones children -- academically, socially, spiritually -- govern the desire to homeschool (or not). Illness within the family (physical and/or mental), learning disabilities within the family, financial constraints, available educational resources, and other factors also impact the decisions.

 

Although I often read the oft-vaunted performance of homeschool students on standardized tests, I don't place much, if any, weight on this. Much of what I teach my children does not show up on any kind of standardized test to begin with !