Where do you find the time???

[elw_miller]

Really, I'm serious!!!!!!! School, Impeccably natural cleaning product cleaned house, super cool homemade clothes, Gourmet homecooked food, Well behaved super smart children a loving supportive husband. Beautiful school room all the creativity and time to lapbook and unit studies and super crafts and co ops and dance lessons and sports teams......Really?

 

A friend of mine and I were just chatting about this actually. My game face is apparently pretty convincing.

 

School: My eldest only just turned 5, so we're mostly reading a lot, doing Kumon workbooks if she wants, playing, exploring. I do put together some of my own curriculum, but it's stuff I've compiled from other sources and put into a single document. As for the actual schooling of my kiddos, I'm actually quite nervous about how in the world I'm going to balance school and household duties with 3 little monkeys running around! :eek:

Natural cleaning products- vinegar and water in a water bottle for a few things. I'm trying to transition to more natural cleaning products, but Tilex really does take care of my neglected shower. :blushing:

Super cool homemade clothes - heavens, no! Thrift store finds for us. Though, I wish I'd learned how to sew...

Gourmet homecooked food. Once in a blue moon. Do holiday meals count?

Well behaved kids: Usually they're fine in public. Usually. At home they're pretty good, but some days I can only repeat "this, too, shall pass" or through gritted teeth in a growl, "they sure are spirited kids". Ugh.

Super smart: Bright and curious and interested in learning is enough for me. Those traits will carry them far if applied with persistence, courage, and integrity.

Loving, supportive dh: Yes, but he, too, is a little worried how balancing schooling and household duties will go.

Beautiful school room: Someday...? I LOVE seeing others' pictures. They give me good ideas if ever I get my own schoolroom.

Creativity: Sometimes I get a neat idea all on my own--definitely these sometimes are few and far between. Sometimes I just "cheat" and use idea books. Sometimes we just stick with workbooks or let the kids exercise their own creatively with a piece of paper and colors.

Lessons, clubs, sports: My eldest is only 5 so her activities are not super frequent. I also deliberately choose activities that do not meet several times a week. Thank heavens for in-laws. They help us out with activities, too.

Clean House: Nope. I try to keep it picked up, but then there are still the piles of projects, papers I haven't taken the time to file properly, laundry, oh, and please don't look too closely at my floors. :blushing:

Cyber world: Lurking on message boards and reading other people's blogs is as far as I get (and usually this happens when I ought to be sleeping). My poor extended family hasn't gotten updated PicasaWeb pictures in months. And, I've almost finished mailing the pictures and letter I had intended to mail out BEFORE Christmas. Yikes!

 

One of my favorite lines so far in this thread is: please pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. Absolutely.

 

This thread is great for my sanity, too. Thanks for putting it out there!

[Lovedtodeath]

I used to be one of those people. I'd bust my rear to make sure the house was always "company ready," the meals were homemade, that dd's clothing was made by me, that dd was taken to lessons, dh's uniforms were ironed, etc., etc., etc.

 

Then I got sick. I'm not dying or anything and my illness is manageable. But before we found out what it was things started falling by the wayside. It has been 4 years. Dh has yet come around in his way of thinking and now we battle it out a couple times a month because he can't see the illness now that I'm on medication. And to add to that school takes dd more than 30 minutes a day now - up to about 5 hours.

 

Be thankful that you don't do it all and that your family does not expect you to do it all. Otherwise, it may come back to bite you in the a$$ like it did me.

Well, when Emily was about 8 months old I heard this said about me. "She has never been a good housekeeper." Really? Let's see... At that point I had worked full time for 90% of my marriage, I had 3 surgeries. I had been on about 15 different prescriptions for chronic illness... I had a baby with health problems... but it is considered a character flaw of mine that I have never been (still not) a good housekeeper. So... no... Sorry to tell you never being that woman doesn't help. Everyone thinks that everyone else should be that woman. :glare:

 

(Not spouse bashing. It could have been my mom that I was overhearing.:glare:)

 

Oh, and Chucki, if you ever want to vent about chronic illness, I am your gal. :)

[usetoschool]

Has anybody every met Patty Perfect? I am pretty sure she does not exist. I am also pretty sure she was dreamed up by some man in the 50's.

 

I remember reading through a list of the characteristics of a perfect wife (like this) that went around in an email a few years ago. It was supposed to be a joke but I can tell you there were one or two husbands in our our group of friends who spent some serious time in the dog house when they wondered what was wrong with the story.

 

A friend told a nice little analogy about overcoats. I can only see the outside of your overcoat. It is pretty and looks expensive but I cannot see that on the inside there is a rip in the lining and a button missing or that it is really a hand me down from your mom.

 

And that brings me to what has been bugging me about this thread that I couldn't put my finger on until just now - none of the things on that list are about who we are but about what we do, what other people see. It took me a long time to trust that my friends would still be my friends even if my house (and my life and my kids and everything else) wasn't perfect. I actually kind of put it to the test accidentally when things went badly a few years ago and I quit cleaning and baking and sewing and trying to be perfect and discovered that I had better relationships. (I also discovered that I prefer my house clean and was really doing it for myself all along...:glare:)

 

So, words of wisdom (:lol::lol::lol: pffftt, from me? :lol::lol:) - it isn't what you do, it is who you are.

[Ravin]

Really, I'm serious!!!!!!! School, Impeccably natural cleaning product cleaned house, super cool homemade clothes, Gourmet homecooked food, Well behaved super smart children a loving supportive husband. Beautiful school room all the creativity and time to lapbook and unit studies and super crafts and co ops and dance lessons and sports teams......Really?

 

School: Well, DH is about to start school on Monday, but I'm not currently a student. Oh, you meant DD; she's only in 1st grade and there's only one of her, so it doesn't take that long.

 

Impeccably natural cleaning product cleaned house: not! W/ DH home again, more housework is getting done, but there are plenty of times when I'm happy just to keep some laundry clean and dishes done enough to cook!

 

Super cool homemade clothes: Just SCA garb, pretty much, and most of that gets made during winter break, aka Estrella War preparation season

 

Gourmet homecooked food: only when DH cooks! I make rather less exciting food.

 

Well behaved super smart children: She's reasonably well behaved (and I got compliments about her behavior on our recent vacation), but throws her share of temper-tantrums. Fortunately there are two other adults here to help me parent! And she's of slightly above average intelligence, I think "super smart" would be pushing it.

 

Loving supportive husband: Well, yeah, but I can't take credit for that!

 

Beautiful schoolroom: Well, in theory it is, but it's a mess, I'm trying to reorganize and we really need more shelving space, so I've got to figure out where to put the maps, posters, bulletin board, calendar, and timeline, because they're in the only possible place to put a bookshelf...

 

all the creativity and time to lapbook: We don't really do lapbooks, and many of our hands-on projects have floundered because DD is bored with them and I don't want to fight over coloring and gluing and such!

 

unit studies: haven't gotten to that this year because we fell behind.

 

super crafts: sort of, not really

 

co ops: no, she's in an enrichment program but that's more a break for me than anything else

 

dance lessons and sports teams: Well, she's doing SCA youth combat some, but we're having problem hooking up with regular practice, and she was going to take guitar this spring but they cut the age limit off so she couldn't, and Spiral Scouts is a no go these days because the other leader is in the hospital, so...we're kind of off the extracurric wagon these days.

 

I also work 32 hours a week, nights, and that has a big impact on things.

[Senorita Tuna Fish]

Yeah, let's not forget that not only are we supposed to do all of these things to perfection, but we're supposed to look like supermodels while doing it. But without taking more than five minutes to do our hair and makeup, and without actually having to diet, because good mothers don't diet in front of their kids.

 

*rolls eyes*

 

Seriously, I think that any woman who can actually do all this stuff has to be a sociopath. With tapeworms.

 

I truly forgot about the perfect body!! But really.....there are things that I'd rather be doing things other than cleaning but i realize that I like a clean house....I also like to do lots of stuff with my kids!!!

[Parrothead]

 

Oh, and Chucki, if you ever want to vent about chronic illness, I am your gal. :)

Thanks. Same goes. Anytime.

[Mergath]

I do put cleaning higher up than I'd like to, too... I read a few Montessori books, and all that stuff about providing a beautiful environment for your child has tainted me, lol. There was also a memoir about a guy who moved to France, and he described in detail how clean the people's houses in his village are. That messed me up, too. So now when I don't clean, not only do I feel like a terrible woman, but I also feel like a bad parent and a lazy American. :P

[sassenach]

School: I think I'm doing ok in this department. I don't allow myself to slack. Schooling a 12 year old has proved to be a huge challenge. She'll be going to public school next year, but I'm at peace with that decision.

Natural cleaning products- No, but I have guilt. I'm sure I'll try eventually.

Super cool homemade clothes - Not even on my radar.

Gourmet homecooked food. I have organic guilt. I also have processed foods guilt. I also hate planning, hate shopping, hate listening to the inevitable complaints from at least one family member every. single. night. I hate that feeding people is my job. I regularly daydream of outsourcing it.

Well behaved kids: They could be worse, but they are not angels.

Super smart: Smart? yes. Motivated? not all of them.

Loving, supportive dh: He is absolutely both of those things. But he is also another person that has needs that I have to meet.

Beautiful school room: Nope, just a kitchen table and overcrowded book shelves.

Creativity: Definitely not. My dd5 craves *fun* stuff, so I try.

Lessons, clubs, sports: THAT is one thing I definitely have going.

Clean House: Not anything close to clean. I bust my butt on Fridays so it can look decent for our community group. By Saturday morning, it's messy again.

Cyber world: A couple of years ago I attempted to blog. I lasted about 4 entries and gave up. It's just not me.

[joannqn]

Not at all! People's blogs and posts and photos may make it seems that way, but no one really manages all of those things, all the time, successfully. I've had friends and playgroup moms shake their heads in amazement over how neat my school stuff is, how clean my house is, how together I am etc. I want to fall off my chair and laugh, because it's all an illusion. Don't feel bad. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!

 

:iagree:

 

No one does it all. Either they have help or there is something they don't do. I have a friend who homeschools 6 kids and has an immaculate house. But she doesn't do crafts, field trips, or outside activities on a regular basis. I have another friend who thinks I have it all together. I don't. My house is usually a mess, my mail and bills are only touched twice a month, and I often run out of food in the house from lack of time to shop (so we have unusual meals sometimes).

 

 

Here. Look at this post. It has a "before" photo of my school room which is actually a photo taken after I had already spent a good bit of time cleaning half of it before I remembered to take a before photo.

[Ibbygirl]

Here. Look at this post. It has a "before" photo of my school room which is actually a photo taken after I had already spent a good bit of time cleaning half of it before I remembered to take a before photo.

 

Oh my gosh your kids are SO CUTE!!! :) They look so happy. :) Ah, I envy you a school room. That must be so nice. :) I have a school sofa. But at least it is the 3 cushion one instead of a loveseat. ;) :tongue_smilie:

[Momof1plustwins]

I definitely don't do all that perfect homemaker, teacher, cook, immaculate housekeeper, clothesmaker stuff. I often compare myself to my imaginary self;) and I always fall short.

 

I have learned a lesson though....don't look at every single thing that you have to do in a day all at once. You can only do one thing at a time.

[PineFarmMom]

Really, I'm serious!!!!!!! School, Impeccably natural cleaning product cleaned house, super cool homemade clothes, Gourmet homecooked food, Well behaved super smart children a loving supportive husband. Beautiful school room all the creativity and time to lapbook and unit studies and super crafts and co ops and dance lessons and sports teams......Really?

 

First, priorities. Some of those things wouldn't even fall in my priorities list. Loving and caring for dh and the kids (which involves keeping the house clean), doing school well, healthy food, keeping dc involved in activities that will assist in God's will for their life, those are important. Some of those other things are good when there is time. If there's no time, then I'd be frustrated trying to pursue things that aren't priority.

[LarlaB]

I am LOVING this thread! ;)

 

Unless you have hired help, its pick and choose. :) I've learned that I cannot have a homerun school morning, 3 well balanced meals, a clean house, live below my means, completed laundry, a 4-mile run & delicious quiet time all in the same day. Especially when trying to maintain an admirable demeanor.

 

I don't feel like I'm trying to do too much- I have whittled down to the bare minimum priorities and have learned that even within these top priorities on the very best day, they still won't all happen together. :) I think that has to be ok.

[MamaT]

There are seasons to life -times when priorities are different. When I had three babies at once and was trying to school three older children, our school was much less organized (negotiating around naps) and my house was clean only because I had hired help. We stayed at home a lot. I have always cooked a lot from scratch because I enjoy it.

 

Now that my kids are older and are involved in so many activities, I aim for a picked up house every morning and clean once a week. I have to be very organized and on top of my game to keep laundry done and cook from scratch every night. I do it even when I am so tired I don't really feel like it because it is a priority. I am absolutely anal (I hate that word, but it fits) when it comes to getting up and starting school on time and getting all schoolwork done every day. I am terrified of getting behind.

 

No one can do it all and sometimes I fall short. Sometimes my house looks like a hurricane came through. Most of the time I am in my pjs until I have to leave the house. It is more important to me to have a few minutes of quiet time to myself in the morning than to be dressed. :001_smile:

 

ETA: I have some kids that are super smart and easy to teach, and some kids who are not. If I only had the first two I would think I was doing a GREAT job, but I had the other four and realized it wasn't me at all.

Edited February 26, 2010 by MamaT
added something

[JenniferB]

This might also make you feel better.

 

SWB's school day

 

I love this! My favorite part was when she said, "The noise level has once again reached airport level. I say, in an unnaturally calm voice, 'Ben, could you please stop reading to me until I’m finished with Emily’s diaper?'"

 

Oh, how I often use that "unnaturally calm voice". :D

[*Inna*]

You know, the real eye-opener for me was this conversation. I was talking with this mom that I really admire. She seemed like the one you described. Just perfect.

 

So, we were sitting on a park bench and chatting. Then, she starts to open up and complain how stressed she is, how hard it is to accomplish all things that need to be done. She turns to me and asks: "How do you do it? You seem to have it all in order." I just sat there with my mouth open.

 

The grass is always greener on the other side.

 

Oh, and another example. There's another mom that is always on the go. She's made lots of friends, they are always running around, meeting with people, field trips, enrichment activities... It's amazing. Then I asked how in the world they could do all this and get the schooling done. She laughed and said they don't. It's not on top of their priorities. :001_huh:

[Susan in TN]

I think that I suffer from a severe form of perfection-itist....If I can't do it perfectly then I don't do it...I really am starting to understand that that's not the best example to set for my girls..I know that it just shows them that learning from failure is not important or that trying your best is not worth it! But Believe me I'm starting to see the error of my ways...I know I can't do it all...or at the least that if i did it all it wouldn't all be done well. I really just want to be the kind of Mom my girls can learn from the right stuff to do more than the what not to do stuff.... But having said all that I think that all the advice and honesty in this thread has been and will be so very helpful!!!! So thanks ladies!! And Keep it coming!:001_smile:

 

One of my favorite quotes: "If a thing's worth doing, it's worth doing badly." G.K. Chesterton

 

In other words, if it's something that should be done, then just get at it.

[Brooketopia]

It's my experience that I'm not able to do it all, all at once. But what I am doing, I'm gonna tell people that I'm doing it because I'm just so darned proud of myself. For some reason, people remember my past "Look What I'm Doing!'s" and assume I'm doing those things all the time, in addition to the new things that I'm doing now.

 

My life is lived in chapters. Some chapters have a spotless house and great food; others (like now...) have spots on the wood floors, easy-to-prepare meals and the bare minimums of schooling, but awesome craft and art projects. If I try to do it all at once, everything suffers. I give attention and priority to the things that "feel" like they need attention and priority in the moment they need them. Today it felt like I needed a clean kitchen and fresh baked bread, so I did that...and my kids are still in their pajamas and no beds are made...whatever. I've also spent a lot of time stretching out my back from the wonderful effects of being 32 weeks pregnant. Feels right.

 

And now I need to pull the bread out from the oven. I'll serve it with leftover chili for dinner tonight. Voila! Dinner. Hee hee.