What advice do you have for someone to be able to bond with a puppy? (long)

[muffinmom]

I even hesitate to ask this question, because I have seen the harsh answers on this board to those asking honest animal questions.

 

But here goes...we brought home a puppy yesterday. I've been researching it for more than a year, because I didn't really know much about dogs. I wanted to be sure I knew what a dog needed. I probably would have been content without a dog, but my kids have desperately wanted one for quite a while, and over time I really warmed up to the idea.

 

So we spent a lot of time trying to find one that I could tolerate (I have some pet allergies). Seemed like we found one, a maltipoo, so we decided to bring it home yesterday.

 

I'm having a hard time bonding with her. Sure, she's adorable and really a sweet puppy, but I'm getting really weary of cleaning up dog pee and poop and having it on my floors. Before you blast me for that, of course I knew that was part of the deal. But I was not prepared for how much it would frustrate me.

 

I also feel like I am out of control of my own house. Suddenly I feel like "dogginess" has taken over and there's no escape from it. I feel like I'm spending so much time with the dog that I can't spend time with just my kids. Had no idea that would bother me. I miss being with just them.

 

I'm sure some of my hesitance to embrace this dog stems from being allergic to most pets my whole life...I've HAD to distance myself and have gotten used to holding back. I've had a bit of congestion after the dog has been here a while, so it makes me nervous that I'll have to disappoint the kids and eventually give her to another family (hopefully it won't go that far, but right now, I don't know). And my daughter has shown some congestion, and she's not shown any problems to any dog she's touched in the past. I just feel uncertain about the future of the situation, and I'm sure that doesn't help me to embrace the whole thing.

 

I didn't expect to feel this way, but that fact that I do makes me sad...don't really know why. I feel like my ife won't be the same as it was pre-puppy. Maybe that sounds dramatic, but after all, a dog is quite a commitment.

 

And all this after I had spent so much time "counting the cost."

 

Any wisdom or advice for me?

[TravelingChris]

Is this a puppy? IF so, they take as much care as a newborn human but for a much shorter time. Also, don't have her be allowed to poop and pee on the floor. Take her out very frequently and crate her in a fairly small crate. That is the best way to housetrain. However, if you don't like her and think you and your daughter are allergic, I would see about returning the dog or finding her a new home.

[Sputterduck]

You need to be taking her out just about constantly. If she is peeing and pooping on the floor, then she will quickly just get used to it and be very hard to train because she simply won't care. You put in hard work for a short time and it really pays off. Not getting her out very frequently may mean years and years of pee soaked carpet.

[hornblower]

:grouphug: & time.

 

I felt that way when my first baby was born :D. There are seconds and minutes when, after a big change, we're all looking & saying - ummm? I think I changed my mind.........can we go back to how it used to be? Where's the life reset button?

 

Puppies are annoying but they're only puppies for a while.

 

I think that you can be quite analytical about this & don't worry about the bonding. Worry about raising this puppy right. Read through the free puppy raising tips here

http://www.dogstardaily.com/ (click on training textbook & it has links for Puppy's first week, puppy's first month, puppy outside the home; puppy training; basic manners and obedience.)

 

& follow all the instructions. Just treat it like a task.

 

Do the training & bonding will happen. Or not (but I doubt it. When you figure out that you and the dog are communicating, when the dog tries to please you, magic happens.)

 

But at least you'll have done right by the dog & if it so happens that you need to rehome the pup due to uncontrollable allergies, she'll have had a great start in life by being properly socialized & trained and she'll be easily placed in another family.

 

Have a "Well Trained Dog"; don't fret about the bonding.

 

My furries say Woof to your new one :)

[jg_puppy]

I would give it some time. I am a dog lover and we have had several dogs. We got a 6 month old puppy this time last year. Even though we had 2 other dogs and I love dogs it still took us some time to adjust to having another dog. We had to learn about his personality and he had to learn how he fit into our family and the rules of our house. He was an older puppy, but those first few weeks were hard. A year later I can't imagine not having him. He is my buddy. If we were adding a dog for the first time I imagine it would take longer. I think for my mom it took about 6 months before she fully adjusted to life with a dog in the house. Now she loves it. I think adding a puppy really is a lot like adding a baby. It just takes time for everyone to adjust including the puppy.

 

If you don't have a crate yet I would consider getting one. We didn't use a crate all of the time, but it was helpful for times when I was needing some space from the new puppy. We would take care of everything the puppy needed (food, water, outside, play time) and then put him in the crate for a little while so I could do something without having to worry about him. It really was best for everyone. I could get something done and he could get the rest he needed.

 

Jan

[muffinmom]

We have her in a crate. The breeder was good to train her not to poop and pee in it. The breeder said she wouldn't wake anyone at night, but would just go in a "puppy litter box" just outside her crate. Well, that didn't happen, and I know she's getting used to her new space and equipment. We have created her a space of her own bound by baby gates. Inside is her crate, her litter box, her water bowl and her toys. She's pretty content in the space. She goes in her crate when she wants to rest, and she's gone in the littter box several times on her own.

 

One of my frustrations is that I wanted her to go outside to do her business, but the breeder had her doing it this way. Plus it's going to be below freezing every day this week, and I'm not sure she should go out in it, and probably wouldn't be so open to peeing when it's so uncomfortable.

 

Btw, she's around 12 weeks.

[CalicoKat]

I even hesitate to ask this question, because I have seen the harsh answers on this board to those asking honest animal questions.

 

But here goes...we brought home a puppy yesterday. I've been researching it for more than a year, because I didn't really know much about dogs. I wanted to be sure I knew what a dog needed. I probably would have been content without a dog, but my kids have desperately wanted one for quite a while, and over time I really warmed up to the idea.

 

So we spent a lot of time trying to find one that I could tolerate (I have some pet allergies). Seemed like we found one, a maltipoo, so we decided to bring it home yesterday.

 

I'm having a hard time bonding with her. Sure, she's adorable and really a sweet puppy, but I'm getting really weary of cleaning up dog pee and poop and having it on my floors. Before you blast me for that, of course I knew that was part of the deal. But I was not prepared for how much it would frustrate me.

 

I also feel like I am out of control of my own house. Suddenly I feel like "dogginess" has taken over and there's no escape from it. I feel like I'm spending so much time with the dog that I can't spend time with just my kids. Had no idea that would bother me. I miss being with just them.

 

I'm sure some of my hesitance to embrace this dog stems from being allergic to most pets my whole life...I've HAD to distance myself and have gotten used to holding back. I've had a bit of congestion after the dog has been here a while, so it makes me nervous that I'll have to disappoint the kids and eventually give her to another family (hopefully it won't go that far, but right now, I don't know). And my daughter has shown some congestion, and she's not shown any problems to any dog she's touched in the past. I just feel uncertain about the future of the situation, and I'm sure that doesn't help me to embrace the whole thing.

 

I didn't expect to feel this way, but that fact that I do makes me sad...don't really know why. I feel like my ife won't be the same as it was pre-puppy. Maybe that sounds dramatic, but after all, a dog is quite a commitment.

 

And all this after I had spent so much time "counting the cost."

 

Any wisdom or advice for me?

Having a puppy is like having a baby that will never grow up.

 

Only one person should feed the puppy. And feed it from your hand, one piece at a time for a while. :001_smile: That doggie's gonna love you! Everyone else can give it treats only 1 / person a day unless you're a BIG family and that would turn the pooch into a pig.

 

While it's little carry it around in a back pack on your back. It will feel safer, you'll know to take it out when it wiggles. Alternatively when you're not carrying it around, keep'm crated and keep the crate next to where you're working, sitting, or whatever.

 

When it's grown - Keep it leashed to you until you're confident that the potty training is done and until it comes to you when called and generally becomes your shadow around the house while not leashed.

 

Someone's gotta be the pooches' pack leader and it's better to be you than one of the kids. Consistency is best.

[Impish]

I love dogs, and would be annoyed by a puppy litter box. :glare: Ack!

 

Other than that, time, training, and more training will help.

 

I hope the allergies subside :grouphug:

[SonshineLearner]

I hate those "litter box" things. Just me... I also wouldn't put my male pups in a diaper... which I know someone who does that... Yuck!! Sorry, I just think that's gross...

Puppy crate or leash.... Till she gets settled... (Yes... Leash a lot... crate...not too much:-)

At night... I'd expect to take it out once... or so.... (whatever the normal is for that size/age dog)

I'd expect to "newborn baby" it for a while.... If you have linoleum in the kitchen... I'd be staying in there for school and such... taking outside to "pee-pee" or whatever you're gonna teach it. And.... try not to let it go inside... but cleaning off a kitchen floor (or hardfloor) is easier and not as long lasting of a problem as the carpet.

Also, remember... when you get crazy excited (or others do) that can make serious accidents. Calm... especially when getting out of the crate. No excited baby talk when you take it out... :-)

I did carry my kitty around when she was little... all over... while I vacuumed... and did everything.... Carrying around it great, too:-) Like a little doggy sling:-)

Good Luck... In a week... it'll be "more normal" for all of you:-)

 

Carrie

[st_claire]

IMO dogs should eliminate outside, not in a litter box. Forget what the "breeder" did (since it is a mixed breed that you bought, the breeder isn't very reputable in the first place).

 

Have her in her crate, with nothing else in the crate, whenever you can't watch her. Take her out to eliminate every 2 hours or so. When you want to spend time with the puppy, take her out and play with her but only when you are actively watching her.

 

Use a cue word when she eliminates outside and she will learn to go on command. She needs to go out first thing in the morning and last thing before bed and right after eating. Always take her to the same place to eliminate. Walks should come after eliminating, not before.

 

If she ever starts to go in the house, you will see right away because you are watching her when she is outside her crate. Clap your hands to startle her, then pick her up and carry her to her elimination spot.

 

Hope that helps.

[hornblower]

It's not too cold to take her outside. (It would have to be waaaaaaay below freezing before I'd consider it too cold for a pup to go out for a potty break.)

 

Even if only for a few minutes at a time. I'd carry her outside to the area where you want her to go, plop her down (I'd have her on leash even if it's fenced) and walk around with her a bit. If there's strong wind chill, try to find an area that's a bit sheltered but really, it's not too cold. If you really are worried, you can shove her in a doggie sweater or coat.

 

If she doesn't go, scoop her back into the house, towel her off (even if she's not wet - a good rubbing with warm towel warms them up again) and try again in about 1 hour.

 

If she does go, praise her, give her a little treat. If she looks like she wants to stay outside and play, do so for a bit as an additional reward. Otherwise, scoop her back inside & dry off etc.

 

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

 

Sometimes they're not too thrilled with the snow & ice on the ground until they figure out how much fun it is. So in early days, you can try clearing a bit of ground & grass so she can smell it.

 

If she does walk on snow, check out her feet afterwards. If she has very hairy feet - hair between the toes or just long fur than hangs down - the snow clings on & makes little snowballs & icicles which can be painful. You can trim the fur a bit with scissors so snow doesn't cake up as much.

[KellyinPA]

We have a just turned 5 months (20 weeks) Shih Tzu and I felt just like you did when we first got her at 13 weeks. This puppy had taken over my life and I wasn't sure I liked it:glare:.

 

Hang it there, it does get better. You've gotten some great advice already. We took her outside immediately (even in the middle of the night for the first week or so) and now at 20 weeks she is doing SO much better with the housetraining. If she has an accident now, I consider it OUR fault for not taking her out in time.

 

Hopefully the allergies will not be an issue and in a few weeks you will be enjoying the puppy much more.

[muffinmom]

IMO dogs should eliminate outside, not in a litter box. Forget what the "breeder" did (since it is a mixed breed that you bought, the breeder isn't very reputable in the first place).

 

Have her in her crate, with nothing else in the crate, whenever you can't watch her. Take her out to eliminate every 2 hours or so. When you want to spend time with the puppy, take her out and play with her but only when you are actively watching her.

 

Use a cue word when she eliminates outside and she will learn to go on command. She needs to go out first thing in the morning and last thing before bed and right after eating. Always take her to the same place to eliminate. Walks should come after eliminating, not before.

 

If she ever starts to go in the house, you will see right away because you are watching her when she is outside her crate. Clap your hands to startle her, then pick her up and carry her to her elimination spot.

 

Hope that helps.

 

 

In the breeder's defense, she is a bit paranoid about taking her dogs outside because they have caught bobcats in their backyard and hawks have swooped down and even picked up her adult dogs (small breeds). So I could tell she was more comfortable letting it go inside for that reason. But we live in an urban area...not too many predator birds around here!

[Danestress]

I am a dog person from a long line of dog people and I still was really struck by how hard my dog was as a puppy - and he was an easy puppy in many ways (big dog, easier to house train).

 

I don't think it's too cold to train your dog to go outside. I would just plan to bundle up and expect to go in and out all day. As miserable as that might be, it's a good thing to just get a dog trained properly, and I think a crate and a regular, very very frequent potty schedule with lots of treats for successfully "going" outside is the best way to make that happen.

 

But I will say that I think this is the worst, hardest time of year to get a puppy for exactly this reason. It's cold! (but do it anyway)

[muffinmom]

I am a dog person from a long line of dog people and I still was really struck by how hard my dog was as a puppy - and he was an easy puppy in many ways (big dog, easier to house train).

 

I don't think it's too cold to train your dog to go outside. I would just plan to bundle up and expect to go in and out all day. As miserable as that might be, it's a good thing to just get a dog trained properly, and I think a crate and a regular, very very frequent potty schedule with lots of treats for successfully "going" outside is the best way to make that happen.

 

But I will say that I think this is the worst, hardest time of year to get a puppy for exactly this reason. It's cold! (but do it anyway)

 

You are so right--it is the hardest time of year. I knew better than that. I warned my family that spring would be better, but clearly I was overruled! :glare:

[torikei]

I love my dogs, but puppies are a huge PAIN. That's why they are so cute! I know it can seem overwhelming but you can get past it.

 

I actually prefer to train my puppies in the winter. You'll freeze, but it can be done. It's a lot like potty training your child--the more consistent you are now, the easier it is in the long run.

 

Read books by Sarah Hodgeson. She produces dogs that are very good companions. She writes Puppies for Dummies and many more books on the subject. Most people are actually very poorly educated about dogs. My mom loves to spout stuff she's seen on television, but little bits of knowledge really aren't enough. Learning about how they behave at certain ages, their pack mentality, etc. will make you a better and happier dog owner.

 

Puppies are fun, but the real reward is the dogs they turn into. Their companionship and love is second to none.

 

Good luck

[rwjx2khsmj]

I'm feeling for you. Puppy days are hard days.

 

My puppy is more than 2 years old now and I finally see glimmers of the dog I always wanted in him.

 

If I could just get him to stop growing....

 

Hang in there. This too shall pass.

[muffinmom]

I'm feeling for you. Puppy days are hard days.

 

My puppy is more than 2 years old now and I finally see glimmers of the dog I always wanted in him.

 

If I could just get him to stop growing....

 

Hang in there. This too shall pass.

 

 

Thanks!

[Cammie]

:grouphug: Going through the same thing! Actually, now at 4 months it is much easier then when she came! I think we gave her too much freedom when she was a puppy - she was all over the house and it was constant. Now, we have the yard fenced in (and since we live in India where is it 85 degrees) and she is outside most of the day. She is happier, calmer and we are happier. When she is inside, no potty accidents. Now, it we could just stem the biting and jumping up this would be great!

[Amber in AUS]

We recently got a puppy ourselves, she is 16w today, just had her final vax, yay!

 

The link Hornblower provided is wonderful, i really enjoyed reading through it in the days leading up to bringing our pup home. It was very helpful.

 

I think the bonding will come.

 

I would certainly be taking the pup outside to eliminate. I would empty the contents of the littler box in the area you want her to go so that she can smell it and then take here there frequently. Our routine was to visit every hour and if she didn't go wait half an hour and try again. We would also take her immediately she woke up. We have not crate trained but she has a dog bed she sleeps in at night right next to me. She is tethered to the bed and has a cat bell. As soon as i hear her get up i take her outside for a toilet stop. I would take her before bed at about 10pm then whenever she needed overnight (typically once) and put her out again at about 5 - 6am when she woke. Now at 16w she is 'sleeping through' and waits until the kids are up about 6.30am before going out. I always wait with her to make sure she actually goes and heap on the praise.

 

In the initial days she was either in her bed sleeping, leashed to me, or being actively played with. Having eyes on her all the time meant we limited the chances for her to make mistakes. She has only had 4 or 5 accidents inside over the last 5 weeks and each time we were not watching, we were not following our own rules.

 

Hang in there, hopefully your allergies will settle and you will all enjoy playing with the pup.

[Remudamom]

Bonding with puppy? Easy. I carried mine around in a baby sling, tomato staked them and let them sleep in my bed. Quick and easy bonding. Not necessarily so great for training though.

[KidsHappen]

My kids have been asking for a dog for as long as they could talk. I am not a dog person and I put it off as long as I possibly could but I told them once we were settled (as in quit moving and living in our own house) we would get a dog. We researched for a year. We talked to dog owners, breeders, trainers and vets. We decided on a breed and then we found a good dog from a good home. I didn't want to go through the puppy stage so I got a dog that was 16 months old when we brought him home. There were tons of advantages but there were also lots of obstacles. For one he wasn't fixed. He didn't know his place or the house rules. He wasn't socialized with cats (we had 4) and I didn't know the dog and wasn't bonded with him or sure of him. It was very stressful. We had him fixed and spent a ton of money on personalized training and behavior modification. And it still took me at least three months just to not want to get rid of him much less get attached to him. We have had him a year now and he is part of the family. I can't remember what it was like when he wasn't here. He is extremely well trained and very attached to us all. Having a dog though is even harder than being married because you can't get a divorce, you can give them back and you can in good conscious get rid of them or find them a new home. Once they are yours, they are yours forever. I would suggest some serious training, working together, spending time together and letting go of the idea that you can just get rid of him if it doesn't work out, and then give it time. Lots of time. As much time as it takes. Oh and I wish you lots of luck.

[LibraryLover]

A puppy litter box sounds disgusting. I would never consider it.

 

You need to take your pup out frequently on a leash and take her where you want her to go. This does take time.

 

You can't bond with a puppy who is not a part of your family. Try to include your new pet in your lives. Play with her, hold her, train her, take her for walks, read The Dog Whisperer, lol, it's really good, and look for a training center who can accomodate your family or who will come to your home a time or two. A tired, well -trained dog is a happy, easy dog!

 

All that said maybe you are not a dog person; there is nothing wrong with not being a dog person! Just make sure someone else in the home is so your pup can be a happy camper.

Edited January 5, 2010 by LibraryLover

[muffinmom]

Thank you for all your advice, ladies. The good news is that my husband and son have bonded with her, my daughter is getting there, and I'm coming around slowly. She's actually a pretty good pup--no major problems thus far, just keeping an eye on the whole eliminating thing.

 

She even slept through the night last night (2nd night)! Is that a fluke???

 

Here's hoping she'll feel like part of the family soon. I just keep thinking that if I have to go through this much upheaval, I'd rather have a human baby. (But at least I didn't have to go through a pregnancy!:tongue_smilie:)

[nono]

I just keep thinking that if I have to go through this much upheaval, I'd rather have a human baby. (But at least I didn't have to go through a pregnancy!:tongue_smilie:)

 

And the human teething stage is much worse. MUCH.

 

I have always had dogs. Can I tell you something? I can't stand puppies! I'd rather have a kitten. And I'm allergic to cats! Everything that is great about a dog, a puppy isn't. But time, consistency and perserverance will give you the greatest gift: an adult dog!

[DarlaS]

I just keep thinking that if I have to go through this much upheaval, I'd rather have a human baby.

 

It was actually less work with my kids when they were newborns. We got our dog in the middle of winter too. Technically, she was for our 11 yo son, but guess who spent half the winter in the yard potty training her? This was during 6 weeks of single digit (and negative!) temps too.

 

Oh, and she's a Siberian Husky, so was perfectly content (in the buttfreezing cold) to ditz around a bit and take her sweet time. :glare:

 

She's five now, and dh wants to get another pup for ds #2. I told him "in the spring!" NOT now. Something that doesn't shed would be nice. Oh, and about half grown at least. :D (Not that I have anything to say about it...)

[orangearrow]

I didn't read all the replies, but I'll just give my 2¢. We have a puppy who is around 10 months old now and she's been amazing, so I'll share what worked with us (we've had other experiences that weren't so wonderful, lol).

 

She is crate trained. She stayed in the crate ANY time we weren't able to give 100% of our attention to HER and just HER. Give her a little treat every time you pop her into her crate and she'll learn that it's not a bad place to hang out.

 

NO litter boxes! That's just asking for trouble, imesho. As soon as she's out of the crate, she goes outside to potty. Set a timer somewhere. 20 minutes later - take her out again. Then, we'd set the timer for 30 minutes and every 30 minutes, she was taken outside for at least 5 minutes at a time.

 

We fed her IN her crate. With the little bitty food/water dishes. After we played with her for an hour or two, she'd go back into her crate and get food and water. Three times a day. We'd set a timer, and in about an hour, we'd take her out again. If we didn't have time to play with her, she'd go back into her crate until we were able to get her out and play with her.

 

NO food or water past 7 pm. That really helps cut back on the nighttime wakings. Big time!!! We got our pup around 10 weeks old and she never has had an accident in her crate.

 

If she wakes you up at night just moving around, or whimpering, put her crate for nighttime somewhere where you can't hear her. In the laundry room or something. I usually covered our pup's crate at night, so if we were still moving around, it didn't distract her and wake her up. A twelve week old puppy is PLENTY old enough to hold it at night (provided she wasn't drinking water or eating close to her bedtime).

 

Take her out first thing in the morning, then pop her back into her crate with breakfast. Then, wait an hour and take her out again - then playtime.

 

Do this for a couple of weeks and she'll be golden.

 

Our pup is around 10 months old and seriously - she is awesome. I get VERY grouchy if I'm having to clean up dog poo or pee day in and day out. We dealt with that with our last puppy (he was attacked by our old next-door neighbors dogs and just wasn't ever the same afterwards) - and it made me insane! We rehomed him with a lovely, little old lady who had nothing better to do but to be his servant (lol) and they are both extremely happy together, 2+ years later.

[Jkodman]

I understand and went through something similar with a dog we had a few years ago. I think when we become Moms our kids come first and it is harder to see a dog in the same light. Not to say we don't love them. When my kids were younger I resented the additional care a dog required on top of a baby and toddler. Flash forward, we adopted a beagle about 9 months ago. She is older and luckily already trained. She has been sick this past few days and it really helped me bond with her. I even had to make her chicken soup (vet's instructions). Nevertheless, in a household of all boys, she is the only girl I will ever get. My advice, give it time.

[rafiki]

.

[muffinmom]

And the human teething stage is much worse. MUCH.

 

I have always had dogs. Can I tell you something? I can't stand puppies! I'd rather have a kitten. And I'm allergic to cats! Everything that is great about a dog, a puppy isn't. But time, consistency and perserverance will give you the greatest gift: an adult dog!

 

Thanks for that!