Rant

[cdrumm4448]

I was in McDonald's today with dd and saw a mom whose dd is in 2nd grade at the school I pulled ds out of. So, she's in what was his class. She went on and on how I shouldn't have pulled him out because the 2nd grade teacher is SOOOOOO much better than the 1st grade teacher. They have three math levels now, you know.

 

Then, I saw my SIL's friend/neighbor who was with her 15-year-old dd. She went on and on IN FRONT OF HER DD how she couldn't wait for her kids to get on the bus every day, how she needs time to herself, and how when those kids turn 18 she is DONE.

 

The first lady (briefly) made me question homeschooling ds. But, the more I thought about it I realized that he would still be at the mercy of a sub-group for math, they don't teach world history, geography, a lot of science, latin, or the other fun stuff we do.

 

The first lady didn't bother me too much. It's just too hard to explain in the middle of McDonald's the many reasons why we homeschool ds. But the second lady really made me question why people have kids they don't seem to want.

[Jean in Newcastle]

To the first lady I would tell her genuinely that I was glad that they had such a nice teacher this year and that she's happy with her math instruction. Then I would tell myself that just because I'm glad that she's happy with her situation doesn't mean that situation would be the best fit for me and my dc. If told/ asked why I was not following in her footsteps I would tell her "We are so happy with our schooling choice and our curriculum." End of discussion.

 

To the second lady I would say something about how sad I was that she did not find motherhood satisfying. That is all I would say. While I think her behavior in saying those things in front of her teen was immature and inappropriate, we don't know what her homelife might be like.

[Liz CA]

Ack! This makes me shiver. To be saying something like this in front of a 15 year old who has no choice but to stand there and listen to him/her being evidently such a burden that his/her mother cannot wait to get her out of her hair.

We all need some time to ourselves. I don't fault her for needing it but the time and place this need was expressed may have been very hurtful to the child.

 

Since we all say things we regret later, reading posts like this makes me even more aware to watch my words lest I be terribly misunderstood.

[cdrumm4448]

 

Since we all say things we regret later, reading posts like this makes me even more aware to watch my words lest I be terribly misunderstood.

 

 

Sadly, this was not the first time she has said things like that. She doesn't care that her children are present.

[Tidbits of Learning]

I know a mom very similar that told me point blank that I wouldn't last homeschooling b/c I would want a break from my kids.

It doesn't make sense to have kids that you just want a break from at all.

[Rosie_0801]

Then, I saw my SIL's friend/neighbor who was with her 15-year-old dd. She went on and on IN FRONT OF HER DD how she couldn't wait for her kids to get on the bus every day, how she needs time to herself, and how when those kids turn 18 she is DONE.

 

 

Let's hope she has good health for her whole life and never needs her children to care for her :glare: When my mother ran into these sorts of situations she would always gush about how lovely and well mannered she had always found the children under attack, or if that wasn't possible, how good hearted they were. Perhaps there are children who don't have good hearts, but we've never met any. It will always embarrass the child listening, but it shames all but the thickest parent very thoroughly. The kids remember that someone stuck up for them.

 

Rosie

[mrsrevmeg]

Let's hope she has good health for her whole life and never needs her children to care for her :glare: When my mother ran into these sorts of situations she would always gush about how lovely and well mannered she had always found the children under attack, or if that wasn't possible, how good hearted they were. Perhaps there are children who don't have good hearts, but we've never met any. It will always embarrass the child listening, but it shames all but the thickest parent very thoroughly. The kids remember that someone stuck up for them.

 

Rosie

 

What a great response your mother had.

[Joanne]

I know a mom very similar that told me point blank that I wouldn't last homeschooling b/c I would want a break from my kids.

It doesn't make sense to have kids that you just want a break from at all.

 

*shrug* I want regular and frequent breaks from my kids.

 

I am frankly irritated with the competitive nature that has emerged in the homeschooling community regarding this issue. We don't love our kids more, we don't necessarily enjoy our kids more, we are not better parents, and in some cases, we don't even provide a better education.

 

Being with your kids constantly is not inherently better than *not* being with your kids constantly.

[LibraryLover]

OMG, Joanne. You are such a freakin' rebel.

 

I love it.

 

 

*shrug* I want regular and frequent breaks from my kids.

 

I am frankly irritated with the competitive nature that has emerged in the homeschooling community regarding this issue. We don't love our kids more, we don't necessarily enjoy our kids more, we are not better parents, and in some cases, we don't even provide a better education.

 

Being with your kids constantly is not inherently better than *not* being with your kids constantly.

[stripe]

I think it's more the, "I can't stand my kids, so I am glad they're not around most of the time" attitude that some people have, than the "I never get tired of holding my child on my hip" extreme. It makes me the saddest when someone was soliciting for prayers to conceive a baby, and then can't wait for someone else to take care of him/her.

[Trixie]

*shrug* I want regular and frequent breaks from my kids.

 

I am frankly irritated with the competitive nature that has emerged in the homeschooling community regarding this issue. We don't love our kids more, we don't necessarily enjoy our kids more, we are not better parents, and in some cases, we don't even provide a better education.

 

Being with your kids constantly is not inherently better than *not* being with your kids constantly.

 

:iagree: Indeed.

[Jean in Newcastle]

*shrug* I want regular and frequent breaks from my kids.

 

I am frankly irritated with the competitive nature that has emerged in the homeschooling community regarding this issue. We don't love our kids more, we don't necessarily enjoy our kids more, we are not better parents, and in some cases, we don't even provide a better education.

 

Being with your kids constantly is not inherently better than *not* being with your kids constantly.

 

I agree with you but I don't think that was the issue in the OPs example. The issue was the disrespect and just plain meanness of expressing what she did in front of her dd. Perhaps I'm reading into it (after all I didn't hear the initial exchange in person!) but she stated that not only she wanted time alone (a reasonable thing to admit even in front of kids if it's done nicely) but that she couldn't wait for them to be gone for the day and not only that but out of her home for good. The progression of those three things in a conversation would make me feel rejected by my mother.

[Joanne]

I agree with you but I don't think that was the issue in the OPs example. The issue was the disrespect and just plain meanness of expressing what she did in front of her dd. Perhaps I'm reading into it (after all I didn't hear the initial exchange in person!) but she stated that not only she wanted time alone (a reasonable thing to admit even in front of kids if it's done nicely) but that she couldn't wait for them to be gone for the day and not only that but out of her home for good. The progression of those three things in a conversation would make me feel rejected by my mother.

 

The quote in my post wasn't from the OP. ;) My post was more about the general sentiment I've seen among homeschool (and often AP) moms.

[stripe]

The quote in my post wasn't from the OP. ;) My post was more about the general sentiment I've seen among homeschool (and often AP) moms.

Okay, so some people want to keep nursing until their kids get married and be with them ALL THE TIME.

 

Putting that aside, I think it denies the humanity of children to think that they won't mind hearing their parents saying that they cannot stand to be around them.

 

This is a problem among certain people, I think, and some sort of idea of the American family in some circles (I am not sure quite what circles) -- children are expected to rant about sibling rivalry and escaping from their parents/family to be with a pack of other children, spouses to roll their eyes and endlessly list the reason that men/women are awful, and parents are supposed to count down the days until they can kick their kids out of the house. What's wrong with actually enjoying a moderate amount of time with one's family and respecting them enough to not broadcast their flaws to the entire world?

[KristenS]

It bugs me too, when parents talk like that, though there are definitely days I can sympathize!

 

As a college-age teen, I was SO ready to move out but couldn't afford it. I would scour the home ads for hours at a time. Finally my mom was about ready to remarry, and somehow it came up, and SHE was so ready for me to move out too ... so we worked together to find me a good place. :D We just don't live well together, though I love her very much and I know she loves me. She's been ultra-supportive of our homeschooling and helping us out, though she firmly believes we'd have killed each other if she'd tried it with me. She's probably right too!

[grace'smom]

I can still remember hearing my mom tell the cashiers at the grocery store every August how excited she was that I was going back to school so she could be get a break from me for a while. She meant it jokingly, I am sure, but I still remember how bad it made me feel. I'm not doing that to my daughter. As far as she's concerned I miss her every second she is gone- she knows I still need "grown up time" sometimes, but she never feels I need a break from HER in particular. And I think that's kind of how it is- we all need some time to ourselves, it's a basic human need, but it doesn't necessarily mean we don't want to be with our children or that we want to be rid of them. Sounds like the lady at McDonald's wanted to be rid of hers though:(

[lionfamily1999]

I was in McDonald's today with dd and saw a mom whose dd is in 2nd grade at the school I pulled ds out of. So, she's in what was his class. She went on and on how I shouldn't have pulled him out because the 2nd grade teacher is SOOOOOO much better than the 1st grade teacher. They have three math levels now, you know.

 

Then, I saw my SIL's friend/neighbor who was with her 15-year-old dd. She went on and on IN FRONT OF HER DD how she couldn't wait for her kids to get on the bus every day, how she needs time to herself, and how when those kids turn 18 she is DONE.

 

The first lady (briefly) made me question homeschooling ds. But, the more I thought about it I realized that he would still be at the mercy of a sub-group for math, they don't teach world history, geography, a lot of science, latin, or the other fun stuff we do.

 

The first lady didn't bother me too much. It's just too hard to explain in the middle of McDonald's the many reasons why we homeschool ds. But the second lady really made me question why people have kids they don't seem to want.

Dh and I have gone through the same thing this year :(

 

Then dh reminds me how much ds would NOT be learning, all those things you listed, and we both shake it off.

 

:grouphug:

 

It never bothered me too much hearing those moms going on and on about (imo) how much they hate having their kids around. Hsing has made me more sensitive to those comments, I look at their kids and try to send messages via esp (she doesn't mean it, she thinks she's funny, she does love you). I can't help but look sad when they go on like that. I've even started saying, 'I'm sure you don't really mean that' (something I never considered doing, before).

 

Amazing how much hsing has changed us. Even dh finds he just can't talk to anti-hsers, or people that can't stand their own kids. He just turns away.

[lionfamily1999]

*shrug* I want regular and frequent breaks from my kids.

 

I am frankly irritated with the competitive nature that has emerged in the homeschooling community regarding this issue. We don't love our kids more, we don't necessarily enjoy our kids more, we are not better parents, and in some cases, we don't even provide a better education.

 

Being with your kids constantly is not inherently better than *not* being with your kids constantly.

It's not competition for everyone. It's becoming more empathetic to the little ones in our lives. This didn't bother me at all a year ago. I would laugh along with her. I would not have said it, because I always found it sad when the dcs left for school and I was a terrible worrier.

 

Now, though, I look at their kids and I imagine it hurts. I remember it hurting when I was little. Being a PTA mom, for me, was different. Even then I was in a grown-up world with only grown-up concerns and my kids were impending grown-ups. Now, the majority of my day is spent helping the world blossom around them, gently guiding them, instead of holding up a lantern and saying 'for pete's sake hurry up.' Now, I look at them and how quickly they grow and change and wish I had more time to 'get them ready.'

 

Not all ps parents have that disconnect, not all hs parents have that connection. But as one that is moving from one end to the other, I can say I feel sorry, not just for the kid, but for the mother who is unwittingly opening up a chasm between herself and her daughter.

 

Not to argue, just to introduce a different point of view.

[Garga]

In the past I always thought the parents who said they didn't want to be around kids were just fooling around. Like, everyone was just teasing each other, the way a lot of families do. I supposed it was good natured.

 

But I'm not so sure anymore. As my kids age, and my friends' kids age, it feels different. Sure, when it's a baby who can't understand English and you say, "I just need a BREAK from the crying, the poop, the lack of sleep," it means one thing.

 

But to stand in front of a 15 yo, who can fully understand you, and say that you are looking forward to when they move out. That has a different feel to it.

 

I'm starting to find that it bothers me when people go on and on about how much they like to be away from the kids. It no longer seems like good-natured teasing each other, and it's starting to seem like the sentiments are heart felt (for the kids to be gone.)

 

And now that I'm sooooo close to my kids (due to homeschooling) I realize that they really don't know what they're missing and it's heart-breaking to me.

 

Yes, I need breaks. The kids know that sometimes I need Mommy time, but I tell them every day that my favorite part of the day is whenever I'm with them. Their faces soften and they look so happy when I say that. (And it's totally true.)

[Another Lynn]

Okay, so some people want to keep nursing until their kids get married and be with them ALL THE TIME.

 

Putting that aside, I think it denies the humanity of children to think that they won't mind hearing their parents saying that they cannot stand to be around them.

 

This is a problem among certain people, I think, and some sort of idea of the American family in some circles (I am not sure quite what circles) -- children are expected to rant about sibling rivalry and escaping from their parents/family to be with a pack of other children, spouses to roll their eyes and endlessly list the reason that men/women are awful, and parents are supposed to count down the days until they can kick their kids out of the house. What's wrong with actually enjoying a moderate amount of time with one's family and respecting them enough to not broadcast their flaws to the entire world?

 

:iagree:

[Joanne]

Okay, so some people want to keep nursing until their kids get married and be with them ALL THE TIME.

 

Putting that aside, I think it denies the humanity of children to think that they won't mind hearing their parents saying that they cannot stand to be around them.

 

This is a problem among certain people, I think, and some sort of idea of the American family in some circles (I am not sure quite what circles) -- children are expected to rant about sibling rivalry and escaping from their parents/family to be with a pack of other children, spouses to roll their eyes and endlessly list the reason that men/women are awful, and parents are supposed to count down the days until they can kick their kids out of the house. What's wrong with actually enjoying a moderate amount of time with one's family and respecting them enough to not broadcast their flaws to the entire world?

 

 

The part I quoted in my post was:

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by OpenMinded

I know a mom very similar that told me point blank that I wouldn't last homeschooling b/c I would want a break from my kids.

It doesn't make sense to have kids that you just want a break from at all.

 

That is sentiment the related to the OP's post I was responding to.

 

We, as a homeschooling community, often generalize about public school, public school parents, daycare, preschool, etc.

 

We, as a homeschooling community/culture include a non insignificant percentage of people who take tremendous pride in "never getting a break", "never using a church nursery", "enjoying the company of my children, why should I get away from them". I was commenting on THAT element; and it exists strongly.

 

I once posted a thread on another form of this board about the "It's the most wonderful time of the year" Staples commercial. I've written blog posts in the past about the cultural "kids are a burden" assumptions. I've written about how space between parents and children = profit (go to a baby store and most of the stuff for sale puts space between parent and child).

 

However, in an effort to gain comfort in counter cultural decisions, many homeschoolers have embraced an equally extreme, and equally unhealthy paradigm - it's just on the other side of central.

 

Those who know me know that I would NEVER support what the Mom in the McDonalds example said in front of her child. However, I have had a complicated enough life to not conclude too much about that family as a result of hearing it.

[lionfamily1999]

In the past I always thought the parents who said they didn't want to be around kids were just fooling around. Like, everyone was just teasing each other, the way a lot of families do. I supposed it was good natured.

 

But I'm not so sure anymore. As my kids age, and my friends' kids age, it feels different. Sure, when it's a baby who can't understand English and you say, "I just need a BREAK from the crying, the poop, the lack of sleep," it means one thing.

 

But to stand in front of a 15 yo, who can fully understand you, and say that you are looking forward to when they move out. That has a different feel to it.

 

I'm starting to find that it bothers me when people go on and on about how much they like to be away from the kids. It no longer seems like good-natured teasing each other, and it's starting to seem like the sentiments are heart felt (for the kids to be gone.)

 

And now that I'm sooooo close to my kids (due to homeschooling) I realize that they really don't know what they're missing and it's heart-breaking to me.

 

Yes, I need breaks. The kids know that sometimes I need Mommy time, but I tell them every day that my favorite part of the day is whenever I'm with them. Their faces soften and they look so happy when I say that. (And it's totally true.)

I started to bold bits and pieces to respond, but realized the only things not bolded were the periods and contraction ;)

 

I agree with everything you've written. As I grow closer to my kids I can see the wrongness of how I was and I hurt for the people that say things I don't think they really mean, and I hurt for the recipients of the things they say.

 

I'm not sure that they mean to be cruel to their children. I think there is cruelty, because we've become a cruel, cynical society. I think it's directed to the little happy person next to them, because they are not cruel or cynical. Cruel and cynical (if you forgive the personification) tend to dislike kind and trusting. But, I don't believe that it's a parent trying to be cruel to their child, iykwIm. Sort of a twisted version of hating the sin and not the sinner, only in this case it's despising the virtue and not the virtuous. Maybe you could even compare it to jealousy? I've seen and heard people saying things to each other for no other reason than, it seems to me, the desire to stomp out that bit of hope or joy that one has and the other wants.

 

I've been thinking too much lately on things of little consequence, can you tell? :lol:

[jazzyfizzle]

 

I'm starting to find that it bothers me when people go on and on about how much they like to be away from the kids. It no longer seems like good-natured teasing each other, and it's starting to seem like the sentiments are heart felt (for the kids to be gone.)

 

 

 

 

:iagree:

[jazzyfizzle]

I understand just what you are saying Joanne. We fortunately do not know any HS'ers that are this way (thankfully, yet). I do feel I need breaks sometimes.

The thought would never even come out of my mind in the manner of the lady at McDonalds. My thought would be something like (and spoken out loud possibly also)- I am feeling overloaded right now, and I am really going to need a break soon. Or- I need to get out of this house for awhile.

:)

[Joanne]

I understand just what you are saying Joanne. We fortunately do not know any HS'ers that are this way (thankfully, yet). I do feel I need breaks sometimes.

The thought would never even come out of my mind in the manner of the lady at McDonalds. My thought would be something like (and spoken out loud possibly also)- I am feeling overloaded right now, and I am really going to need a break soon. Or- I need to get out of this house for awhile.

:)

 

My mom used to "joke" about how I was an accident. She'd say it in front of me whenever a conversation even remotely lead to that disclosure. It....well, wounded me and the repeated situations kept that wound open. I know you can hear the words and tone of the mom in the OP and your heart hurts for the child being talked about. {{{hugs}}}

[Jean in Newcastle]

I know a mom very similar that told me point blank that I wouldn't last homeschooling b/c I would want a break from my kids.

It doesn't make sense to have kids that you just want a break from at all.

 

 

 

I've had people make the exact comment that Openminded got on needing a break and thus not homeschooling ( or thinking I could do it). My response to them is to laugh and say, "Sure, I need a break from them sometimes. And they need a break from me. No one wants to live in someone else's back pocket all the time. In fact we build some breaks into our daily schedule - we call it our quiet time. And sometimes I have longer breaks when I get out with a friend or just with my husband. But I don't see how that need has anything to do with my schooling decision."

[Jean in Newcastle]

We, as a homeschooling community/culture include a non insignificant percentage of people who take tremendous pride in "never getting a break", "never using a church nursery", "enjoying the company of my children, why should I get away from them". I was commenting on THAT element; and it exists strongly.

 

 

 

I think though that there is a personality element there that gives us a continuum where some moms and dads need more breaks and some not as much. I do agree that getting breaks at times is desirable.

 

In my case, I was one of those moms who did find myself saying those very things that you quoted. There were extenuating circumstances which meant that I couldn't get a break for a long period of time. Both my dc had extreme allergies, my ds was colicky for the first whole year. My MIL could not be trusted to keep my kids safe (she loved them but somehow she just could not understand certain things like having a dairy allergy means that you can't give them ice cream.) My dh worked long hours in order to support us and couldn't give me extra slack because he didn't have any to give. There were some problems with the church nursery that I tried to work with but honestly it was easier to just keep them out. I tried finding outside childcare but financial issues made it difficult. So, I found myself having to "put on my big girl panties" and to keep on going even though inside I was desperate for a break. It didn't help that I was often castigated for not taking breaks by my MIL or others who believed strongly in my need for a break but couldn't provide me with a safe solution for childcare. So I found myself having a certain amount of pride in the fact that I was surviving in a tough situation for the sake of my kids.

 

Now - as my kids grew and became verbal enough to look out for their allergy needs, MIL became an appropriate and safe source of child care. Also my kids are old enough now to even stay home for short periods of time together. We also have a neighborhood situation where some good families have moved here and so the kids go over to friend's houses sometimes for a few hours at a time or even more. So I get breaks now!

 

Just yesterday I was talking to a mom who was moaning that she never ever had a break from her kids. This is while she was sitting with a group of moms having tea while the kids all played together nicely in another room. I found myself wanting to tell her to "put on her big girl panties" and buck up to a certain amount of self sacrifice as part of motherhood. But I kept my mouth shut and just drank my tea.

[LibraryLover]

That's so sad. One of my kids was a "Happy Surprise!" as we've said. We have such power to wound our children.

 

 

My mom used to "joke" about how I was an accident. She'd say it in front of me whenever a conversation even remotely lead to that disclosure. It....well, wounded me and the repeated situations kept that wound open. I know you can hear the words and tone of the mom in the OP and your heart hurts for the child being talked about. {{{hugs}}}

[Trixie]

Just yesterday I was talking to a mom who was moaning that she never ever had a break from her kids. This is while she was sitting with a group of moms having tea while the kids all played together nicely in another room. I found myself wanting to tell her to "put on her big girl panties" and buck up to a certain amount of self sacrifice as part of motherhood. But I kept my mouth shut and just drank my tea.

 

Having tea with other moms while supervising one's children isn't what I'd call a break from them. Moms are people, too. Some of us need time to pursue our own interests, completely away from our children and even (gasp!) our general role as mothers. Surely we shouldn't be chastised for not wearing "big girl panties" for having/expressing that desire.

[tdeveson]

 

I am frankly irritated with the competitive nature that has emerged in the homeschooling community regarding this issue. We don't love our kids more, we don't necessarily enjoy our kids more, we are not better parents, and in some cases, we don't even provide a better education.

 

 

 

But we're willing to do whatever we have to do to ensure the best possible education and home life for our children, instead of whining about how terrible schools and then sending our own children right back to them. That is the difference. And it's a really, really big difference.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Having tea with other moms while supervising one's children isn't what I'd call a break from them. Moms are people, too. Some of us need time to pursue our own interests, completely away from our children and even (gasp!) our general role as mothers. Surely we shouldn't be chastised for not wearing "big girl panties" for having/expressing that desire.

 

I was remiss in not also mentioning that her dd goes to half day kindergarten every day and her ds goes to preschool 3x a week.

 

This is vacation. She was moaning about having them all day all the time for two weeks. And there is a certain kind of break that you do get while having tea with other moms and having the older kids (ie. my two kids) doing most of the supervision.

 

But I hadn't wanted to type all that out the first time and I apologize because I didn't give enough information. . .

[jazzyfizzle]

My mom used to "joke" about how I was an accident. She'd say it in front of me whenever a conversation even remotely lead to that disclosure. It....well, wounded me and the repeated situations kept that wound open. I know you can hear the words and tone of the mom in the OP and your heart hurts for the child being talked about. {{{hugs}}}

 

Oh Joanne :grouphug: it pained me to read your words about your Mom. I am sending you my virtual Christmas friend hugs. :grouphug:If I could only tell you how much I understand- after being part of my completely disfunct family. I will have to PM you the details, it is always a sure fire Christmas cheer dampener :tongue_smilie: this aweful saga that just goes on and on, never gets better.

 

 

 

 

Indeed it did pain my heart to hear what the mom in McDonalds was saying, not even knowing the people, and my heart went out to the child.

:sad:

 

 

 

Hugs,

 

S.

[jazzyfizzle]

That's so sad. One of my kids was a "Happy Surprise!" as we've said. We have such power to wound our children.

 

 

 

Absolutely! (As another one of those with a beautiful, beautiful surprise :001_wub: )

[hornblower]

But we're willing to do whatever we have to do to ensure the best possible education and home life for our children, instead of whining about how terrible schools and then sending our own children right back to them. That is the difference. And it's a really, really big difference.

 

Yes.

 

And I think that other things being equal, it is better for kids to spend the vast majority of time with their parents, or extended family and not with a stranger. One of the problems in our culture is that people will leave, even very young children, with total strangers.

 

Originally Posted by Joanne

We don't love our kids more, we don't necessarily enjoy our kids more, we are not better parents, and in some cases, we don't even provide a better education.

 

Not simply by virtue of being homeschoolers - no. But generally speaking:

1) love, well. There are plenty of parents who love their kids and who do poorly by them. I think we might love them more because I think we're more likely to truly see them as they are, to really know them.

2) I think we do; we know them better and we learn to get along better

3) I think we are. Again, partly because we have many, many more hours to figure it out. I think we're also more willing to think out of the box and find alternatives to meeting our child's needs - whether they're social, emotional or academic.

4) This will be odd to say on the wtm board, but I actually think this is a bit irrelevant. I'd rather see a child raised by a loving, emotionally mature, considerate, kind and patient person who only gives the child a 'mediocre' education, than to see that child turfed out into the hands of strangers for 80% (or more) of their waking hours and 'get educated'.

[lionfamily1999]

But we're willing to do whatever we have to do to ensure the best possible education and home life for our children, instead of whining about how terrible schools and then sending our own children right back to them. That is the difference. And it's a really, really big difference.

:iagree:

Having tea with other moms while supervising one's children isn't what I'd call a break from them. Moms are people, too. Some of us need time to pursue our own interests, completely away from our children and even (gasp!) our general role as mothers. Surely we shouldn't be chastised for not wearing "big girl panties" for having/expressing that desire.

I think there is something to seeing the breaks that are there, though. Sure, it wasn't a day with the spa, but it also wasn't one-on-one-Mom-give-me-something-to-do time either. Some of the best breaks I get is when I have other people's children over and they're all playing outside :lol:

Yes.

 

And I think that other things being equal, it is better for kids to spend the vast majority of time with their parents, or extended family and not with a stranger. One of the problems in our culture is that people will leave, even very young children, with total strangers.

 

 

 

Not simply by virtue of being homeschoolers - no. But generally speaking:

1) love, well. There are plenty of parents who love their kids and who do poorly by them. I think we might love them more because I think we're more likely to truly see them as they are, to really know them.

2) I think we do; we know them better and we learn to get along better

3) I think we are. Again, partly because we have many, many more hours to figure it out. I think we're also more willing to think out of the box and find alternatives to meeting our child's needs - whether they're social, emotional or academic.

4) This will be odd to say on the wtm board, but I actually think this is a bit irrelevant. I'd rather see a child raised by a loving, emotionally mature, considerate, kind and patient person who only gives the child a 'mediocre' education, than to see that child turfed out into the hands of strangers for 80% (or more) of their waking hours and 'get educated'.

:iagree:

[Heidi]

I know a mom very similar that told me point blank that I wouldn't last homeschooling b/c I would want a break from my kids.

It doesn't make sense to have kids that you just want a break from at all.

 

Well, I can understand my neighbor wanting a break from HER kids... geesh! Home schooling is definitely not for every family.

 

My kids are sweet :Angel_anim: (most of the time) and I enjoy being with them. That's the main reason I'm homeschooling; I want to be with my kids!

[Trixie]

I think there is something to seeing the breaks that are there, though. Sure, it wasn't a day with the spa, but it also wasn't one-on-one-Mom-give-me-something-to-do time either. Some of the best breaks I get is when I have other people's children over and they're all playing outside :lol:

 

 

 

Oh, of course! My point, though, is that there's nothing shameful or immature in wanting/needing mommy-free time (i.e., time away from being a mommy and from being with other mommies) to pursue our own interests.

[lionfamily1999]

Oh, of course! My point, though, is that there's nothing shameful or immature in wanting/needing mommy-free time (i.e., time away from being a mommy and from being with other mommies) to pursue our own interests.

I do get a lot of breaks...... by turning up the radio, locking the door and hiding in the bathroom with my books. I've been reading a lot lately. Thank God for easy Christmas crafts ;)

[Jean in Newcastle]

I do get a lot of breaks...... by turning up the radio, locking the door and hiding in the bathroom with my books. I've been reading a lot lately. Thank God for easy Christmas crafts ;)

 

I think it is about our attitude. The point I was making about the "big girl panties" was that sometimes life doesn't give us what we deserve or what is optimal or even what is desirable. We would tell a man to "man up" and do the job anyway. For a woman, I say put on your "big girl panties". That doesn't mean that you can't find breaks in small things like a phone call to a good friend, the WTM boards, a DVD to plug the kids into or an established quiet time. . . (my way of getting those needed small breaks when I can't get a big break). And it doesn't mean that you don't schedule the big breaks when and if you can get them.

 

I understand that we all whine a bit when we really don't mean that we can't cope at all. But I've found that to be a bad strategy personally. I tend to get deeper into self pity when I complain and mope. But when I buckle down and decide that I'm going to have fun with my kids anyway or I'm going to find a way to destress in the midst of a tough day while still respecting my kids as people, then I'm doing something positive and proactive.

 

I've learned some of this the hard way. It was last year that my dd told me that she wanted to put her kids into school when she grew up so that she wouldn't be so stressed out like I was. Boy, was that a wake up call! I turned my attitude around since then. I'm much more careful about careless complaining. And I try to make sure that we stop and enjoy the small breaks that were there all along.

[lionfamily1999]

I think it is about our attitude. The point I was making about the "big girl panties" was that sometimes life doesn't give us what we deserve or what is optimal or even what is desirable. We would tell a man to "man up" and do the job anyway. For a woman, I say put on your "big girl panties". That doesn't mean that you can't find breaks in small things like a phone call to a good friend, the WTM boards, a DVD to plug the kids into or an established quiet time. . . (my way of getting those needed small breaks when I can't get a big break). And it doesn't mean that you don't schedule the big breaks when and if you can get them.

 

I understand that we all whine a bit when we really don't mean that we can't cope at all. But I've found that to be a bad strategy personally. I tend to get deeper into self pity when I complain and mope. But when I buckle down and decide that I'm going to have fun with my kids anyway or I'm going to find a way to destress in the midst of a tough day while still respecting my kids as people, then I'm doing something positive and proactive.

 

I've learned some of this the hard way. It was last year that my dd told me that she wanted to put her kids into school when she grew up so that she wouldn't be so stressed out like I was. Boy, was that a wake up call! I turned my attitude around since then. I'm much more careful about careless complaining. And I try to make sure that we stop and enjoy the small breaks that were there all along.

This is where, I think, hsing gives us (parents) an advantage. We have to listen to our kids, far beyond the mmhmm answers that some (me, for example) dissolve into when someone else is taking care of the major things (like education).

 

I did not mean in anyway to make you think I disagreed with you. I feel the exact same way when I hear people (including myself) saying that same thing (in nearly the exact same situation). I know it seems odd that I would be as irritated, when I do the same thing, but I'm ch-ch-ch-ch-changing ;) and now I can see how blind and selfish those remarks, and the feelings that invoke them, are. Selfish doesn't seem like the right word, because it's not good selfish, iykwIm. It's the sort of dissatisfied, coveting selfish that comes from wanting things you either don't need or already have in abundance and just don't notice anymore.

 

Wow, that was a lot just to say, I totally agree :lol:

[Jean in Newcastle]

Julie- I knew we were saying the same thing! I was just quoting you as a jump off place for my comments!

[lionfamily1999]

Julie- I knew we were saying the same thing! I was just quoting you as a jump off place for my comments!

:lol: My sister asked me if I was drinking..... no...... but it HAS been one of those days.