Dooley Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 My MIL thinks my almost 50 year old dh is a die hard Star Wars fan. Each year now, she gives him ONE Christmas gift...Star Wars related. This year, looks like its a Star Wars sticker book. Did I say my dh is almost 50? Funny thing is, its my dh's brother who likED Star Wars, many years ago. Its become so annoying, I think I have convinced him to just tell her, for crying out loud. Which is hard for him, as he doesnt want to maker her upset -she gets upset easily. So...how do you deal with thoughtless gifts? :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 I'm an unashamed, unabashed re-gifter. I keep a tub in the hall closet with a sticky note of who gave it to us (lest I forget down the road!) and recycle throughout the year as needed. If it were my mom, I'd not say anything either. I think they hone in on that *onething* they (in this case, mistakenly!) think we like and they run with it. If she were giving Christmas sweaters to him, that'd be one thing (and definitely worthy of saying something to her) but it seems her gifts are more tokens of thought, so I'd let it be. Maybe work a new angle, telling her about x-"new"-interest he has throughout the year and hoping she catches on and lets the Star Wars thing die it's timely death LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luanne Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 ... if she is someone who gets upset easily, I think I would just accept the gift and smile. What he chooses to do with the gift after that is really up to him. I don't think I would chance upsetting her over something like this. My family has never been able to figure out what I like (one brother of mine in particular) ... my daughter is the proud owner of all the gifts that brother bought me for Christmas over the past few years. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 We don't get gifts from our parents. I would just keep quiet. At this point it has been going on for years and I can't imagine how horrible my husband's parents would feel if they had been mistaken for so long. So not worth it, imo. But that's based on our family's interactions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alte Veste Academy Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 (edited) My MIL thinks my almost 50 year old dh is a die hard Star Wars fan. Each year now, she gives him ONE Christmas gift...Star Wars related. This year, looks like its a Star Wars sticker book. Did I say my dh is almost 50? Funny thing is, its my dh's brother who likED Star Wars, many years ago. Its become so annoying, I think I have convinced him to just tell her, for crying out loud. Which is hard for him, as he doesnt want to maker her upset -she gets upset easily. So...how do you deal with thoughtless gifts? :glare: How I deal with thoughtless gifts is to give them to charity. If you think it would be worth some ruffled feathers, your DH should talk to his mom. As for the gifts, donate them if they keep coming. Edited December 16, 2009 by Alte Veste Academy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Why upset her? Take the gift, say Thanks Mom, you're the best! I'm so glad we have you in our lives. As to what you actually do with the item - whatever. Play with it. Give it to your kids. Donate it to charity. Regift it. One of dh's aunts was starting to lose her mind a bit at the end & one of the last gifts he got from her was a mug which says "The diet starts after Christmas." - which is hilarious b/e dh all his life has been one of those tall skinny people who, if anything, struggles to keep his weight up. The mug is in our camping box and it reminds us of her & we smile when we use it each summer, remembering Aunt Phoebe and what fun she was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelanieM Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 That doesn't sound like a thoughtless gift to me. It sounds like somewhere along the way she got it in her head he likes Star Wars, and so she makes it a point to always get him something she thinks he'll enjoy. The very opposite of thoughtless, really. I would thank her for the gift(s) and let it go. Pass it on to someone else that really is a big Star Wars fan -- perhaps a donation to one of the various toy drives that happen around the holidays. And then I'd probably get a huge laugh out of it, because it's really kind of cute. :D (We like quirky people and their quirky mistakes around here. lol!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alte Veste Academy Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 That doesn't sound like a thoughtless gift to me. It sounds like somewhere along the way she got it in her head he likes Star Wars, and so she makes it a point to always get him something she thinks he'll enjoy. The very opposite of thoughtless, really. You know, this is actually a really good point. It didn't occur to me but the OP did say that her DH's mom thinks he's a die-hard SW fan. Without a correction of that thought, the SW merchandise is thoughtful. Interesting. I guess now it's just whether to tell her or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 I agree that I wouldn't say anything. Sounds like she is trying to be thoughtful, even is she's wrong. IMO, it's not worth hurting her feelings about. I do understand as my Mom is similar and gives me things I liked as a child but have outgrown. It can be annoying, but in the scheme of things I feel like it's better just to be gracious and not hurt her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alpidarkomama Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Yep, smile, thank her, and DONATE. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orangearrow Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 That doesn't sound like a thoughtless gift to me. It sounds like somewhere along the way she got it in her head he likes Star Wars, and so she makes it a point to always get him something she thinks he'll enjoy. The very opposite of thoughtless, really. I would thank her for the gift(s) and let it go. Pass it on to someone else that really is a big Star Wars fan -- perhaps a donation to one of the various toy drives that happen around the holidays. And then I'd probably get a huge laugh out of it, because it's really kind of cute. :D (We like quirky people and their quirky mistakes around here. lol!) :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Could be worse. Each year my millionaire inlaws give their son a packet of cards they got free on a cruise or somewhere. At last count, we had eleven packets of cards. "Thanks Mum," then shrug and roll your eyes when she's not looking. At least she means well. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duckens Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 MelanieM says: We like quirky people and their quirky mistakes around here.:iagree: My dear grandmother (89yo) keeps buying me unicorns. Although I love fantasy, I really haven't been in the unicorn phase since age 14. (I am now 39). I love her dearly, add them to my collection in a box for when dd gets a little older, and know that she is the last of my grandparents. I don't think that she does this for either of my siblings or any of the great grandchildren, so I love her all the more for it. --Laura in Iowa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 What kind of SW gift are we talking? A life sized blow-up doll of Princess Leah in Jabba slave garb, or a 5.99 Lego tree onament? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 I would just accept the gift with a smile and then do whatever you want with it. After all, a gift is a gift.....not something we get to choose. She does think that your DH likes Star Wars, so it looks like she is trying to be thoughtful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelanieM Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 MelanieM says: :iagree: My dear grandmother (89yo) keeps buying me unicorns. Although I love fantasy, I really haven't been in the unicorn phase since age 14. (I am now 39). I love her dearly, add them to my collection in a box for when dd gets a little older, and know that she is the last of my grandparents. I don't think that she does this for either of my siblings or any of the great grandchildren, so I love her all the more for it. --Laura in Iowa That is so sweet! And it reminds me that about 15 years ago I had to gently hint to my mother that I was no longer completely smitten with dolphins and unicorns. lol! What kind of SW gift are we talking? A life sized blow-up doll of Princess Leah in Jabba slave garb, or a 5.99 Lego tree onament? Oh goodness, this just cracked me up! Please tell me there's not really any such thing as a life-sized blow-up doll of Princess Leah! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rwjx2khsmj Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 I'd keep it to myself and make a game out of guessing what crazy thing mom is going to give this year. It sounds as if she's trying to please him. If that's the case, she'd be hurt to know she's been so far off base all these years. If she's trying to irritate him then why give her the satisfaction of succeeding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dragons in the flower bed Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 After a long conversation about other things, and a long ways before ending the mother-son talking time . . . "I've really been getting into golf/blues jazz/collectible cars/cat care/knitting/Smurfs lately. I can't believe how fascinating it is. Rwjx2khsmj rolls her eyes at me every time I bring it up because I'm as obsessed with it as me and my brother used to be about Star Wars. I've even begun collecting jazz records/matchbox cars/antique litter pans/yarn/plushie Smurfs and I'm up to a baker's dozen now." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Alte Veste Academy Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 After a long conversation about other things, and a long ways before ending the mother-son talking time . . . "I've really been getting into golf/blues jazz/collectible cars/cat care/knitting/Smurfs lately. I can't believe how fascinating it is. Rwjx2khsmj rolls her eyes at me every time I bring it up because I'm as obsessed with it as me and my brother used to be about Star Wars. I've even begun collecting jazz records/matchbox cars/antique litter pans/yarn/plushie Smurfs and I'm up to a baker's dozen now." Bravo! THAT is brilliant! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dooley Posted December 16, 2009 Author Share Posted December 16, 2009 After a long conversation about other things, and a long ways before ending the mother-son talking time . . . "I've really been getting into golf/blues jazz/collectible cars/cat care/knitting/Smurfs lately. I can't believe how fascinating it is. Rwjx2khsmj rolls her eyes at me every time I bring it up because I'm as obsessed with it as me and my brother used to be about Star Wars. I've even begun collecting jazz records/matchbox cars/antique litter pans/yarn/plushie Smurfs and I'm up to a baker's dozen now." Ok, perhaps this is doable. We have chuckled each year, and regifted each one. Really, its just one more thing in a long list of things she does not bother to inform herself about dh. I am just hurt for him. He feels she does not really try to know much about him - or us. But is it worth it....probably not. You ladies are much more gracious that I feel! Many years ago, she started to give me pigs. Why? I finally asked her and she said she "knew" I liked them. I do not. But at least my "why" helped her to get a bit closer to who I am anyway. Merry Christmas to each of you, regardless of what IS or IS NOT under your trees!! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted December 16, 2009 Share Posted December 16, 2009 Most years I get a new ceramic chicken for my collection from MIL. The thing is, I didn't have a chicken collection until my MIL started giving them to me and I don't know where she originally got the idea that I was a chicken person. It makes me laugh, but I would never say anything to her about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dooley Posted December 16, 2009 Author Share Posted December 16, 2009 Oh Wordgirl, I feel your pain! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConnieB Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Well, you could always send it to my daughter....she recently watched the older Star Wars movies and fell in love, lol. I agree with the others, I wouldn't tell a sensitive person that their gift wasn't appreciated. Some people can take such news, but it doesn't sound like this loving mom can, so no sense rocking that boat. I'm sure you've taught your kids to smile and say thank you for gifts they don't like, so now it's Dad's turn, lol. I would try some gentle manipulation over the next 12 months telling Mom more about things that son DOES like.....and hopefully she'll decide to change her theme for next year, but it will be because she found something new he likes, rather than knowing how much he did not like previous gifts. I guess I'm lucky....my parents and inlaws give us the same types of gifts each year....membership at various zoos, museums, science center, etc. Every year they ask what the kids will be studying next year so they know which memberships would benefit us most. It's not much of a thrill for the kids to open each year....since they know pretty much what it is....BUT...every time we use that membership during the upcoming year I remind them that Gram&Gramps made it possible. Maybe there is something similiar that you can hint to Mom about for your DH......or maybe even the popcorn-a-month club, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ConnieB Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 I just told my kids about this thread....and my teenager says to me "is that how you're going to be when we have kids"? And I said, of course. Seriously....I think we should all cut and paste this thread into our online calendars for 20 years from now. And hopefully we don't see ourselves in it when we open that little time capsule! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovemyboys Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 We don't get gifts from our parents. I would just keep quiet. At this point it has been going on for years and I can't imagine how horrible my husband's parents would feel if they had been mistaken for so long. So not worth it, imo. :iagree: Is she ok otherwise? Giving her grown son a sticker book does seem funny. But if it's an isolated thing, I agree with just letting it go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 Oh goodness, this just cracked me up! Please tell me there's not really any such thing as a life-sized blow-up doll of Princess Leah! :lol: I was just wondering just how bad it was before I decided my answer. A Lego ornament rates a 'meh' , a costly Leah doll...not so meh. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dooley Posted December 17, 2009 Author Share Posted December 17, 2009 Is she ok otherwise? Giving her grown son a sticker book does seem funny. But if it's an isolated thing, I agree with just letting it go. She is not really "ok", terrible relationship, talks a big talk but the only person that is important to her besides her husband is herself. I just hurt for dh.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted December 17, 2009 Share Posted December 17, 2009 So the SW gifts are really the least of it. Life can so complicated. We all want good relationships from families but they so often seem elusive. Is she ok otherwise? Giving her grown son a sticker book does seem funny. But if it's an isolated thing, I agree with just letting it go. She is not really "ok", terrible relationship, talks a big talk but the only person that is important to her besides her husband is herself. I just hurt for dh.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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